Latest / The Rosanne Callens Podcast / E:22 When Senior Year Hits Your Heart -You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Fine
Transcript
- Rosanne Callens: what's happening when our bodies are at our desk, but our hearts are still at the kitchen table? Hi friends, Rosanne Callens here. This morning, my daughter sat at the kitchen table and started loading her senior year calendar into her phone. Tennis, SAT prep, scholarship deadlines, senior sunrise, senior paint day. And before I even knew what I was doing, I was putting every one of those into my phone too. All those dates. not because I'm going. Nobody needs a mom at SAT prep. I just wanted to be able to see the year go by while it's still going by. Because this is the last one, everyone. This is the last first day. My daughter is a senior in high school. Class of 2027. And you know what? It can actually rock your world. A few hours later, I was prepping for a call, doing the actual job of my actual day. You know, my work day didn't stop because my heart got cracked open a little bit at that kitchen table. And that's what I wanted to talk about in this episode. What happens when something so big is going on in your personal life? Something that you just can't switch off, but you still have a job to do. How do you stay an electric leader when your electricity feels like it's going everywhere? Because the problem this morning wasn't that I lost my energy. I definitely had plenty of energy. I was just being pulled in about 12 different directions. And part of me was still at that kitchen table. part of me was thinking about the meeting. And then part of me was also thinking, how did we get here so fast? You're my baby, right? And then I then another part of me is thinking, Rosanne, pull it together. You have things to do today. You know, we just talk a lot about work-life balance in practical terms. You know, leave on time, leave work on time, don't check your email at night, block your calendar. And all of that stuff matters. But there's Also, a part that I feel people don't talk about enough. what's happening when our bodies are at our desk, but our hearts are still at the kitchen table? I don't think the answer is getting better at pretending. In fact, I really dislike pretending that everything's fine when it's not. I actually think it makes things a lot worse. because when something is really affecting you and you refuse to say so, it doesn't just disappear. It keeps quietly, you know, drawing power in the background. Kind of like when we have all those tabs open and you're focused on this other tab and you've left all the other ones open, it's still drawing power, That's not weakness, everyone. That is called being human. And we all need to be human. Electric leadership has to make room for that. when I created electric leadership, it wasn't about being perfectly energized all the time. You know, full voltage, motivating everyone, never letting anyone touch you. That's that's definitely not leadership. That's performance. And that's another reason why I didn't call it high voltage leadership, right? We can't sustain that all the time. Electric leadership is understanding your energy well enough to know what's pulling from it, what deserves it, and where you're going to send it next. And I know that I'm not the only one in some version of this season. I know that somebody's kid also started school and they're in the feels I know that someone could have a child who left for college. Or maybe someone's son or daughter is reporting for basic training tomorrow or next month. I bet that somebody just became an empty nester at work and hasn't said a word about it to anyone at the office. but this is why. The minute people say it out loud, someone usually says, Hey, me too. Or you say something like, Hey, I'm all just a little, I'm just in the feels today, or I'm a little emotional today. It's my daughter's last first day of high school. Then somebody says, My child leaves on Saturday. And then what felt like your own private moment turns into a very human conversation, everyone, and that's vulnerability. I read somewhere that someone called it vulnerable bravery, because it's very brave to be vulnerable. And I know that doesn't roll off the tongue so easily, but I don't mean that it's oversharing. I don't mean 30 minutes in a staff meeting about what's going on at home. It could simply just be one sentence of, hey, this is a big week for me, or this is a big week for our family. That's it. But that one sentence can give someone else permission to stop pretending like they have it all together too. Psychological safety doesn't show up because we wrote the words in a values statement. Someone has to go first. It's usually me when I'm around. none of that means that the work stops. Electric leadership is not about abandoning your responsibilities every time life gets a little emotional. It's about holding the energy for both. I can be proud of who my daughter's becoming and so excited about her life ahead of her, but still want to say, you know. I really want you to stay little. Both are true. And I can still do good work today. And that's true too. So it's not about how do I get through this? It's about taking the moment to ask yourself, what deserves my energy right now? This morning it was her and me putting events in my calendar. But by 10, it's my team. And tonight it might be five minutes to tell a friend, whoo, hey, I'm not doing that great with this senior year thing. And that's not about losing your power, that is directing the current. And here's the part that a lot of people miss when they're trying to redirect their energy. Sometimes we're not tired because we have too much to do. We're tired because we're spending so much energy trying to contain what we feel. You know, trying not to cry takes energy. Trying to look completely fine takes energy. trying not to look in your phone at all the pictures of your child when they were little and smiling up at you takes energy. Being an electric leader means realizing that you don't have to spend your power pretending that you're not affected by your own life. If your kid's senior year or someone you love is heading off to college or into the military or a huge transition in your life and it's wrecking you a little, it's probably because it matters to you. And there's Nothing unprofessional about that. This morning I waved my daughter off and I bought sunglasses for it. I even wore them when I came inside. And they may have been a little bit steamy, I'm not gonna lie. But you know what? I was fine. And also, I wasn't fine. Both are true, just like I said. And I'm not going to pretend otherwise. I'm not going to pretend to you. And I'm not going to pretend with the people that I work with today. The calendar that I added all of her events on my phone, all of her practices and deadlines and senior sunrise and senior paint day, I'm never gonna actually open half of it. just knowing that it's there and knowing that I can see her year happening even from my desk, that is its own kind of plugging in. It's a small thing and it's also everything. And that's how it goes with energy. That's why I love it. The thing that recharges you barely ever says, do here I am. This big deal, right? It's a simple calendar entry. Or it's one sentence that you decided to share with a coworker. Or it's letting yourself wear your sunglasses inside for one morning. Because you know exactly why you need them. The real invitation of electric leadership is not some dramatic overhaul of your life. It's just paying attention. It's noticing what's pulling your power today and what would actually put some power back. Remember, letting both be true at the same time. Instead of forcing yourself to just pick one, it is so powerful. I can be proud and I can be sad. I could be present at my desk and a little bit still standing at that kitchen table. You don't have to resolve the tension to keep leading well and to keep inspiring others around you. You just have to stop pretending that it isn't there. So if you have a child heading into kindergarten this year, or like me heading into their senior year, or just even your own version of a last first day happening somewhere in your life right now, I would certainly love to hear about it. Send me a message, drop me a comment, DM me on LinkedIn, and tell me what it is for you. I promise you, you're not the only one standing at that proverbial kitchen table like I was today. And honestly, when we hear from other people that they are going through a lot of big feelings and still being amazing electric leaders, that might be the actual plug-in that you didn't know you needed. Because remember. Your voltage is your value. And some days protecting that voltage looks like admitting that it's a little scattered or wearing the sunglasses anyway and going back to work with your whole heart still fully intact, even the little bit cracked open one will all be okay. I'll see you next time, friends. Thank you for listening. Bye-bye.