Latest / Intentional Guy / Are You Ready
Transcript
- Michael Chestnut: Let me ask you something, and I need you to sit with it before you answer. Do you actually want to be free? Not do you know the right answer? Not would you say if your pastor asks you? I mean deep down, in the quiet, when nobody's watching and the phone in your hands at midnight. Start again. Let me ask you something, and I need you to sit with it before you answer. Do you actually want to be free? Not do you know the right answer? Not what would you say if your pastor asked you? I mean deep down, in the quiet, when nobody's watching and the phone's in your hand at midnight. Do you actually want to be free? Because here's the thing I've learned walking with men through this. A lot of us know what to say. We know the church words, we know the recovery language, but some of us haven't lost enough yet to mean it. The desire is still stronger than the desperation. And until that flips, all the strategy in the world are just noise. So before we talk about what to do, we've got to talk about whether you want to. And that's where we start today. Welcome to the intentional guy. I'm Michael Chestnut. And I'm a man who has sat in the dark places you might be sitting in right now. This show exists because I believe God is calling men out of hiding and into freedom. And that freedom requires being intentional. It doesn't just happen to you. You have to go. Get it. I want to start somewhere most podcasts won't go. And that's with radical honesty about want. In recovery circles, they tell you that a man has to hit rock bottom before he's really ready to change. And there's a truth to that. But I'd say it a little differently. I don't think you have to lose everything. I think you have to want freedom. More than you want the filling. And for a lot of men, that's not where they are yet. They come to me for coffee and they tell me they want to stop. And I believe them. In that moment, they do. But the moment hasn't cost them enough. The marriage is still intact. The kids don't know. The job is fine. And so The desire to change and the desire to stay comfortable are still arm wrestling, and comfort is winning. If that's you, I'm not here to shame you. I'm here to tell you the truth. You cannot white knuckle your way out of this. Willpower is not enough. And the reason willpower fails is because the want isn't fully there yet. So here's the first and most important thing I can tell you today. Pray for God to make his desires yours. That's not a slogan, that's survival. That's what I had to do daily, sometimes hour by hour. God, I don't fully want this yet. Change what I want. Make your desires mine. That's not weakness. That's the most honest prayer a man can pray. And I'll tell you something else. For the longest time, that's all I could pray. I mean that literally. The sin had taken me so far from God that I didn't even know how to pray anymore. The words weren't there. The distance Felt too great. So the only prayer I could get out was three words Holy Spirit, please. That was it. That was my whole prayer. And here's why that was enough. Romans eight twenty six says In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray. But the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. That means when you can't find the words, the Holy Spirit is praying for you. And who better to intercede on your behalf than the Holy Spirit Himself? You don't need a perfect prayer. You just need to reach towards God, even with three words, and let The Spirit do the rest. If that's where you are right now, that's okay. Holy Spirit is enough to start. Now let's take a look at Job. Job 31, 1. I made a covenant with my eyes. Why then should I look at a girl? Job didn't just decide to be careful. He made a covenant with his eyes before God. There's a difference between a resolution and a covenant. A resolution you make with yourself and break on a bad Tuesday. A covenant is made before God and it carries weight that a decision alone will never do. I want to challenge you today not to just make a plan, but to make a covenant. Get alone with God. Open your Bibles to Job thirty one one, read it out loud, and then say something like this God, I made a covenant with my eyes today. I will not entertain lust. I will not feed what I'm trying to starve, and I cannot keep this covenant without you. So I'm asking you to hold me to it. Then write it down. Date it. Sign it. Put it somewhere. You'll see it. That piece of paper is going to mean something on a rough night. Okay, now we get practical because faith without action is still wishful thinking. Here's your battle plan. Number one, control your environment. Before you need to, lust loves opportunity. So remove it before temptation shows up. Get covenant eyes. On your phone today, not tomorrow, today. The knowledge that someone is going to see your screen actively changes behavior. That's not a trick. That's accountability working. Get your phone out of your bedroom at night. Charge it in the kitchen. The late night hours are the danger zone. And you don't need to be a hero. You just need to be strategic. Number two, bounce your eyes. But understand what that means. You've heard the term the first look isn't a sin. The second look is a choice. Here's how to make it a trained reflex rather than a battle of willpower in the moment. Predecide before you leave the house. Before you open your laptop, before you turn on the TV set, set your eyes in advance. Say it out loud if you have to. Today I will no longer linger. A decision made before temptation is ten times stronger than willpower in the middle of it. And here's something I want you to practice. If a woman walks by and you feel Lust rise in your heart, immediately look away. Don't fight it in your mind while still looking. Look away and then count to ten. Do not look back. I know that sounds simple, but here's what happens when you do it over and over. It stops being a battle and starts being an automatic response. You are literally rewiring. How your brain reacts. You are training your eyes to protect your covenant. Every time you do it, you're not just winning that moment. You're building the man you're becoming. The more you practice it, the more automatic it gets. And that automatically is what protects you on a rough night when willpower is low. Number three, interrupt the pattern physically. Lust lives in stillness. The moment you feel the pull, stand up. Walk outside. Do twenty push-ups. Call somebody. Physical movement breaks the neurological loop. Don't try to think your way out while still sitting in the same spot. Move. Number four, the fifteen minute rule. When the urge hits, tell yourself you will wait fifteen minutes before you do anything. Set a timer if you have to. Urges peak and fall. Most won't survive the wait. You're not suppressing it forever. You're just outlasting the wave. Number five. Get a man across the table from you. Not a text thread, not a nap, a man, face to face weekly. And make the question specific. Have you been pure this week? It's too easy a question to dodge. The right question should sound like this. Did you look at pornography this week? Did you lust after a woman? And choose not to look away. Name the things, no hiding behind vague answers. I want to tell you what happens in those first meetings when a man reaches out to me for the first time, when he finally picks up the phone, finally texts, finally shows up for coffee. I know what that took. I know the shame he had to push through. Just to send the message. So when I sit down with him, I bring something with me a small prayer chip. It's one I had made and on it are two words. I mean three words. So when I sit down with him, I bring something with me. It's a small prayer chip I had made. On it has three words Holy Spirit please. I pray over this chip every single time before I ever give them out. And then I place one in his hands. It's a symbol, something physical he can carry with him, something he can reach for in a dark moment and remember: I am not alone. The Holy Spirit is walking with me right now. That chip is a reminder. That the most powerful intercessor in the universe is already praying on his behalf. Because I know what it's like not to know how to pray. I know what it's like when the sin has put so much distance between you and God that you even don't know where to start. That chip is a starting place. Three words reach toward God. Let the spirit do the rest. And those face to face moments, they are more than just coffee. They are the start of light being shined into darkness. Every time a man finally tells his story out loud to another human being, something breaks, something shifts. The secret loses its power. That's not just recovery theory. That's what I've watched happen again and again across the table from men just like you. Here's what I've learned from my own story and from sitting with men one-on-one. Pornography is rarely about sex. It's about escape. It's about numbing pain. It's about control when everything else feels out of control. It's about comfort when you're lonely and no one knows it. So if you Only attack the behavior and never ask why the behavior is there? You're pulling weeds without getting to the root. Ask yourself, what need is this meeting? What am I actually running from? And then what could you build into the space instead? What healthy, life-giving thing could you put in the slot that lust has been feeling. That's where freedom lives, not in better rules, in a changed heart. And that brings us right back to where we started. Pray for God to change what you want, because He will. And I'm living proof that He will. So we're here's where I land today. This whole episode is a challenge. Every other week I give you something specific to go do. This week I am asking you one question. Are you ready to be intentional? Not perfect, not there yet, just ready. Ready to pray the honest prayer, ready to make the covenant, ready to build the fence before you need it, ready to let another man into the real story. If the answer is yes, start today. Not tomorrow. Do something physical right now. And in the comment line, type the word ready. That's it. Pray the prayer. Text the man you trust. Make the covenant. And if all you can get out right now is three words, Holy Spirit, please, then say those three words. That's enough to start. And if you're not sure if the answer is yes, pray that. Pray for God to make you ready. He meets you right. Where you are? If this episode hits you some somewhere real. If this episode hits you somewhere real, share it with a man who needs it. Leave a review. And if you want. If this episode hits you somewhere real, share it with a man who needs it. Leave a review. And if you want to go deeper, my book exposed is available now. It's my story, the whole thing. And I wrote it for men exactly like you. In the description, I'll leave a link for you. I'm Michael Chessnut. Until next time. Just keep being intentional.