Latest / The You Project / #1627 Leading A Horse To Water - Carly Taylor

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#1627 Leading A Horse To Water - Carly Taylor · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I got you, Bloody Champions. She's a mental health fitness
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: coach or a mental fitness coach. She's a counselor. She's
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: an acceptance and commitment therapy practitioner, and she's a Japanese
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: psychology practitioner. She's the better half of the Paul Taylor
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: and Carly Taylor. She's the smarter, she's the better collaboration.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We'll call it a marriage, but fuck it.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Hi Carly, Hi, thanks for having me.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, thanks for being hat Should we say like to
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: tif Tiffany and Cook who was part of a polygamous
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: arrangement with a cat and a dog. It's I don't
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: know if it's technically polygamy, but you are in a
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: very happy kind of trilogy.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we have lots of love here.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Carly. How are you?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm really good.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: What's her? Is Carl's volume loud enough? Tiff It's good?
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Is it?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Okay? Okay?
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Good?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: He gumdrops. What have you been up to? You've just
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: been out, you know, doing God work, just helping the masses.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Do you know something I have been up to is
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I've joined CrossFit, so CrossFit three times a week with
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: the family and it's just it's just been brilliant. I
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: never thought that I would be saying that about CrossFit,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: but it's it's something I'm looking forward to every week.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: And I go with the kids, and I go with
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  Speaker 2: the husband as well, so it's a family thing.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: That we do. Oh the husband, I've heard of him. Yeah,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not pro or anti most of those things.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I think it's finding the right product, or the right class,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: or the right program for your needs. And like people
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I get asked, it's like I get like you probably
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: like TIV, probably, what do you think of Paleo? What
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: do you think of CrossFit? What do you think of
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: it forty five? What do you think of you know?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Whatever I love about it is This is the second
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  Speaker 2: CrossFit gym that I've been to. I was at one
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  Speaker 2: before COVID HIT. But I I love the culture of
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: this gym because I'm certainly on the scale, Like there's
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: some really strong athletes in and it scales down to me.
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  Speaker 2: I'm always at the back of the pack running, but
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  Speaker 2: they are so welcoming. The culture of the place is brilliant,
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  Speaker 2: and everything's modified, so I feel well looked after. I
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  Speaker 2: don't feel like I've got to push, you know, to
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: pack the weight on, and very much about techniques. So yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I'm really loving it and I love the environment of it,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: and I think that makes a huge difference.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: You know.
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  Speaker 1: It's funny you say that when we think about like
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: there's so much it's probably just who I follow, but
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I get so much stuff coming in to my awareness
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  Speaker 1: on the social media is people selling programs and gyms
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: and guys and girls trying to teach personal trainers how
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: to make dough and how to make gyms more profitable.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: But very rarely to people talk about how do we
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: build a culture, how do we build an environment that
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: people want to be in, Like, let's not focus on
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: the money for a minute. Let's not focus on the
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: numbers for a minute. Let's focus on building a place,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: an environment, a situation, a culture that people look forward
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: to going to. And I recently opened the Ignite Fitness
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Business summit in Melbourne at Crown for mel Tempest and
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  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of other amazing people were there and
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: my presentation was around that. It was around I think
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: it was called the Psychology of the Client, and I
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: was just talking about understanding what people actually want and
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: what I love is that you didn't go, Oh, the
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: equipment's great, the dumb bells, the kettle bells. You didn't go.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: The battle ropes are fucking amazing. The programs are really
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: well written. You went, Oh, it's just a really good place.
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  Speaker 1: Like you spoke about being recognized and culture and being embraced,
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  Speaker 1: and it's so funny that there's so little attention paid
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  Speaker 1: to that, yet it's so important. Tis got her finger up.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I want to know, Charlie, what was your
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: perception that you thought you wouldn't connect with with cross
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  Speaker 3: fit before you went?
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  Speaker 2: That would have been around the competitive side of it,
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  Speaker 2: because I'm not a competitive person, and I think in
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  Speaker 2: the past, I don't know whether it's my age or
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  Speaker 2: I've just evolved, but I don't I'm not comparing myself
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  Speaker 2: as much to other people. And I think in the
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: past I wouldn't have gone to a CrossFit gym because
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I would have gone, oh, well, this this girl's my
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  Speaker 2: age and she's lifting this and it's kind of highlighting
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: my all the kind of the negative stuff about myself.
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  Speaker 2: But now I don't know if it's this particular gym,
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  Speaker 2: but you walk into this gym. Everyone says hi to you,
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  Speaker 2: and it doesn't matter if they're the you know, there's
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  Speaker 2: one girl who's got tats up to a net, and
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  Speaker 2: there's a mum in there, and there's different guys of
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  Speaker 2: different shapes and sizes. Everyone's just so welcoming. Everyone works
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: hard and at their own pace where everyone's sweating at
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  Speaker 2: the end of it, and there's a lot of sweaty
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  Speaker 2: fish pups and high fives at the end as well.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: So I think that's I think it started off that
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: my kids were going to it, so I just kept
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: dropping them off and then going home and doing the dishes,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: and I was thinking, well, if I'm dropping them off,
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  Speaker 2: I may as well just stay there. Because they had
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: a team adult class, so that's kind of my initial
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  Speaker 2: reason for going was it was something I could do
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: with the kids, and then then Paul joined, and yeah,
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  Speaker 2: it's been great.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's really important to try to at least build,
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  Speaker 1: and not just in gyms, but any organization. You know,
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  Speaker 1: you talk to SOD to Stiff, we all at various stages.
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  Speaker 1: We're in front of teams and groups and organizers and
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: that whole kind of you know, that meta perception. My
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: PhD stuff. What's it like being around me? More broadly,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: what's it like being in this place? Do we have
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: a team that people feel comfortable to be part of.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Have I built an environment as much as I can?
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  Speaker 1: Or a destination that people want to come to every
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: day to people get excited about going to work. Do
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  Speaker 1: they feel valued, scene loved, appreciated.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I think whether it's a CrossFit or a regular gym
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  Speaker 1: or any job. It's funny how much attention and focus
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: isn't really paid carly to that stuff. It's like that,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you know. I know we have a HR department in
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: most organizations, and I know we talk about these.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Things sometimes it's the really simple things. I do a
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: yoga as well, and that's something that I haven't done
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: in the past, but I love this yoga studio. And
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: she has this very small little ritual that she does
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: is she offers tea. At the end of it, she says,
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: does anyone want to stay for tea? And she's got
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: this beautiful Japanese tea pot and it's on an open
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: little flame, and it's just such a lovely touch. And
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  Speaker 2: even though I don't often stay for a cup of tea,
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  Speaker 2: it's just nice for her to offer that and have
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  Speaker 2: that kind of really simple connection at the end of it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: It's a simple things.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: So if you get a fair few people along to
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: your boxing groups, and I know that you've got good
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: boxing skills, and I know that you work in the
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: gym with good equipment, but I would guess that that's
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: part of it, but most of it is that you
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  Speaker 1: just create an environment that people feel safe to be
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  Speaker 1: in and want to be in.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, when I run my boxing workshops, that's exactly what
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  Speaker 3: I intend, and that's exactly what people come for. They
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  Speaker 3: come and we go for lunch afterwards and wet and
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  Speaker 3: people travel so far for that, and the boxing is
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  Speaker 3: just the thing, the thing around it. It's that I
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: don't know, you tell a story about it, but what
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  Speaker 3: keeps you coming back is And I was just interested
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  Speaker 3: in asking Karlie about that because we all have perceptions
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  Speaker 3: of especially when you hear something like CrossFit, we have
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  Speaker 3: this perception before we've experienced it, but they do.
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  Speaker 4: They do.
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  Speaker 3: Really the ones I've been to really cheer you on.
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  Speaker 3: And it's competitive, but it's self competitive, and so it
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  Speaker 3: was nice to hear you know that you experienced that.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think, especially after COVID, even
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  Speaker 2: though it does feel like it was a long time ago,
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  Speaker 2: we were taken out of that kind of club environment
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  Speaker 2: where we had strong connections. And there are a lot
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: of people who their whole life was around, you know,
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: whether it was a sporting club or whether it was
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  Speaker 2: church or whatever kind of place where people gathered. And
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  Speaker 2: I think especially with social media now, where even though
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  Speaker 2: we are the most connected, we're also the most disconnected.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm just loving being in that environment and being
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  Speaker 2: connected with people.
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  Speaker 1: I think there's something that you can't get well, clearly
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: the physiology, but there's something that you can't get online,
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  Speaker 1: Like it's nice to catch up with you too right now,
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  Speaker 1: but it's nicer to catch up in person, you know.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that you know, online meetings and the
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: capacity we now have with Zoom and the like to
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: be able to have meetings and have conversations and even
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: consultations and all of that, I think it's definitely a
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: valuable tool and a valuable resource. But you know that
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: depending on the person, of course. But nothing's better than
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: a hug, you know, or nothing's better than sitting down
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: at a coffee table with someone looking them in the
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  Speaker 1: eye and like being able to have that three D
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  Speaker 1: experience for me anyway, I mean the online stuff is good,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: but I guess maybe it varies personal person Carly, Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. But when you are, when you're actually physically
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  Speaker 2: with somebody, you do have that eye contact. You've also
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: got the the movements of the body and like there's
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: just even the aromas and like there's some sensory things
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: that go on that we don't even realize, and it's
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: so important for that connection and for bonding. I mean,
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I see most of my clients over zoom, I really
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: feel often and look, it's worked, but I often feel
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  Speaker 2: that there is that that's kind of what's missing, is
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: that physical contact of just being in the same space together.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We for most of until COVID, you know, every
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: year we had a big camp at Mantaalizer, which was
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: we only have one hundred and thirty spots, and every
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: year it was sold out months ahead, so we take
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: one hundred and thirty people away. Tests been on multiple
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: of them. And it's funny because I don't really say
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: anything on those those camps or those retreats, programs, whatever
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: you want to call it that people couldn't hear on
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: a podcast. You know, it's like, you know, when whoever
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: the Eagles come out, or whoever it is, you know,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Dua Loopa, whoever it is comes out. You know, you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: go out and you hear their music or Pink or
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: you know, Teyte whoever it is. Like it's you can
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: hear those songs somewhere else and it's probably even better quality,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: but it's not the same. And I was always curious
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: around that, why does so many people come and they
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: would come from all over Australia to spend forty eight
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: hours with us and to have this immersive experience where
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: it's the same guy saying a lot of the same
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: things that they've heard multiple times. But it has a
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: different effect or a different impact when that person's in
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  Speaker 1: front of you, or when you can ask them a
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: question in real time, or when you know you can
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: you can hang out and just connect and there's no
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: button to push display or to stop or you know.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I think that despite the ever the rapid advancement of
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: AI and technology in the ever evolving tech world that
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: we live in, I don't think there's ever going to
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: be a replacement for that three D version of the
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: human experience.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think even though you had one hundred and
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: thirty people there there there was still an intimacy there. Yes,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: And that's what's missing on tech. I mean, and I
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: were talking about the whole AI think, and you know,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: you can you can actually with chat GPT, you can
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: actually have a full on conversation, and they really it
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: today encourages you. It's like you're going to smash it,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, it's like it's like, yeah, that's you rock.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: It's like, but it's AI. It's not a real person.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: And I think this is the danger that we can
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: go into, especially for our young people, because they're connecting
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: physically less and less with their peers and it's more
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: online and now AI is coming, especially for those kids
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: who are who are more introverted and will tend to
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: kind of avoid that physical interaction and go with technology.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: And that might be a short term kind of avoidant
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: strategy for them, but long term that's not going to
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: serve them well.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: And I don't think that's going away or it's not
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: going away, and it's it's evolving by the minute. And
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I mean I do that too, not I don't chat
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: to my AI, but not. But I will still ask
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: a question politely, do you know what I mean? Like
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm talking, and when I get a really good response,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I'll say thanks. And one day, one day, my AI
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: just started calling me Craig. Wow, yeah, see that, Hi Craig,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: How can I help? I'm like, hey, bro, how did
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: you tell my name? You know? And and I don't
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: know about anyone else's, but my AI sounds to me,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: to my ear exactly like Tim Ferriss. So when I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: talk to my AI, I feel like my AIC. I'm
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: in a relationship. It's my third best friend. But I understand.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: You know, it's It's interesting, isn't it? Because and I
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: know this wasn't where we were going to go, but
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: we'll get where we were going to go or not.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: But you think about, well, is it bad if somebody
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: who is otherwise lonely and disconnected and isolated has this
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: conversation in inverted commas or this company in inverted commas,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: and one of the byproducts of that is that they're
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: a bit happy or a bit less anxious, or a
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: bit less lonely, or they feel more connected. I mean,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: you can't really say unequivocally it's always a bad thing, right, Yeah.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: But I wonder, and I'm sure there'll be research on
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: this at some stage, but I wonder whether that feeling
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: of connection or happiness with an AI is just that
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: short term relief, because as soon as they switch that off,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: they still have to face those those emotions that they have,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: whether they've got social anxiety or the fear that comes up,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: is still going to be there. So it could almost
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: become a bit of an addiction to keep coming back,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: because it means they're avoiding what's out there in the
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: big wide world.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: Oh. But also, yeah, I agree with you, But also
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: people get addicted to people, don't they. Yeah, I mean
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: people stay with people who are toxic and unhealthy and
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: fucking sociopathic. They stay in toxic relationships for a range
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: of reasons. But I've spoken to a bunch of people
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: who have kind of said to me that they were
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: addicted to a person and it almost wouldn't have mattered
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: what that person did to them. They wouldn't have left,
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: you know, eventually, you know they did. But Hey, I
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: wanted to talk to you today about the idea I
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: rang you earlier, essentially around so that maybe the title
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: of this episode, I'm not sure we're leading a horse
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: to water, but around the idea that that we can
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: only we can only offer advice, we can only encourage
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: and support people. We can only share thoughts and ideas
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and strategies and data and information. But none of us,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: as coaches or whatever we are, can do the work
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: for anyone. We can't have discipline for anyone. We can't
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: have self control for someone. We can't make the decisions,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: we can't get up tomorrow and go for a run
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: for them. We can't be inspired for them. Right, And
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: so there's there's you know, it's like when and I've
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: had many times people say you changed my life, and
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: every single time I say, no, I didn't. Thank you.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: That's very nice and my ego loves that, But I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: didn't change your life. You changed your life. You know.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I shared some thoughts and ideas and encouragement, but you
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: made the decisions, you did the work, You showed the resilience,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: you were consistent, you persevered, you ask great questions and
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: you didn't give up. And here you are and that
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: was all you.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm saying there with my clients, it's the
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: clients who have had the best results are the ones
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: who have been intrinsically motivated to do the work, and
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: most of them do do this. The toughest clients that
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: I have would be when someone else has suggested that
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: they do coaching and have kind of almost been coerced
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: with the best intentions to sign up. And they are
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: my toughest clients. And it's why I will say right
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: at the start that will not work unless you do
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: the work. I mean, it's very action orientated, because otherwise it's,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: as you say, I'm not there. I'm not going to
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: be dragging them out of bed. I'm not going to
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: be making their breakfast and getting them out the door
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: to go for a run.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I also think, you know, while being supportive
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: and encouraging and all of those things, we also can say,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: by the way, it's going to suck sometimes, and it's
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: not going to be fun. It's not going to be painless,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: it's not going to be convenient. Sometimes it might be
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: periodically fucking horrible. But that's okay, you know, because we
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: want to be supportive and encouraging and positive, but also
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: practical and realistic. Yes, yeah, you know it.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Has to be You're right, it has to be realistic.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: And that's why I with the coaching that I do,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I work on the thoughts and the emotions that come
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: up up and that's kind of that's the first part.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's always an action at the end of it,
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: but because there's always going to be some kind of barrier,
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: and if we go back to like old habits, it's
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: like there's a thought there like this is going to
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: be hard, you know, and it's very easy for that
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: little inner voice to go, We'll just go back, go
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: back to what you know, Yes, And the hardest thing
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: is to kind of move through that and just allow
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: those thoughts to be there, allow the emotion to come up,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: but do the action anyway. And that's where the acceptance
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: part comes in. But it's the hardest part because nobody
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: likes to feel uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel anxious or
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: have fear or any things. It's that whole motivation like
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: action first, and then the motivation comes. Yeah.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I always say to people, watch your post motivation strategy
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: and they're like what, ah, like that, Yeah, what's your
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: post motivation strategy? They're like, what does that mean? I go, well,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: when you're not motivated, which will probably be I don't know, Wednesday,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: what are you doing on that day? Because you are
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: not going to stay. If we're talking about motivation being
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: an emotional state or a heightened sense of excitement or whatever,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: what we generally regard as I am motivated, I'm in
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: the zone, I'm pumped, I'm excited. Well that's not lasting.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: So when that happens, whether that's tomorrow or next month,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: when that happens, what will you do then? And people
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: look at me like, I go, you really need to
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: plan for that because that is coming. Yes, So if
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: you think you're going to ride this fucking wave of
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: motivation for the next forty years, think again, you know.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: And I just think there needs to be that very
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: that's almost that, you know, that stoic mindset of like
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: sometimes this will just be sucky and that is all right.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And when the motivation is there, by the way, awesome,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you know, milkot ride that wave to the beach. But
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: when it goes, we can't go. Well, you know what
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: we can. But if we're only proactive, productive and effective
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: when we're in the zone, well we're fucked over the
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: long term because nobody's that forever.
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think that there requires a lot
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: of self awareness there, doesn't it, because when so often
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: we are driven by our feelings. Yes, they're so fused
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: with those feelings that I don't feel like going out
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: for a run today, Therefore I won't, whereas you can go, well,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like a run today, but I have
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: a reason to do it, tapping into that reason, values
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: or purpose or whatever it is. I will put my
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: shoes on, I put my trees on, put my gear on,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: and I will get out the door. And nine times
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: out of ten, once you get going, you're all good.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: It's the starting that's the hardest part.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I think Carly and Tiff and everyone else, I think
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: we give this is This is very Craig harpersm. But
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: we give ourselves to get a psychological and emotional get
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: out of jail card. You know. It's like, ah, well
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: you know this or that or but and I've said
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: this probably too many times, but Tiff knows Joel and
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Joel's been. Has Joel been on your show? TIF?
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Yep?
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: So Joel Sarti, who's a friend of ours, who was
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: a soldier frontline, you know, in the war in Afghanistan,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: came home, had an accident, fell down some stairs, broke
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: his neck, and you know, so now he lives life
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. And you know the thing,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: when I'm thinking about mindset, right, I think about someone
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: like Joel, and I think, well, Joel, See, Joel doesn't
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: have the opportunity to get up today and say I'm
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: not doing quadriplegia. He doesn't have the option to say,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: you know, fuck that wheelchair. I'll do the wheelchair next Monday.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: But this week I'm just going to walk. I can't
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: be using the wheelchair. I'm not in the mindset. I
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: don't have the attitude like things are a bit you know,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do the wheelchair next No, he doesn't
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: have the choice. So every day there's no kind of
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: thought that I won't do this because it's not an option.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And so for me, it's like, how do we get that?
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: And I know that's an extreme example, but the bottom
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: line is most of us could pretty much turn our
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: life around today in terms of thinking and behaving and
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: decision making an outcome given the right set of circumstances,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: or perhaps the wrong set, If you know, what I mean,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: you know, but when the consequence is not enough, we go,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: oh fuck, I'll start Monday. But you know, it's like
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: the person who says, oh, I can't give up whatever,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: you know, junk food. If the next time they ate
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: junk food they knew they were going to drop dead
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: twenty four hours later, they would never eat junk food.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: But that's not the case, right, you know. So we
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: know that we have the ability to do awesome and
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: to turn our life around and to create a different
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: operating system, but we also know that it's going to suck.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: So we have this story I'll start soon boom, and
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: now I'm fifty and I never fucking started. Yeah, And I.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Think there's an optimism bias there because when we look
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: long term, especially with men, I think men think they've
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: got this shield of steel on it. It's all going
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: to be fine in the future, and two years time,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be healthier and I'm going to be fitter.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Therefore it doesn't matter if I have the doughnut now,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: because I'll be fine. But not having that awareness that
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: what you do today and every single day is actually
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: going to dictate what your position, your health in two
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: years time. I think it's hard for people just the
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: way our brains are wired far ahead count it well.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And I think also there's no day to day. I
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: mean the good and bad is day to day. We
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: can kind of do bullshit to our bodies, and for
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: the most part, we get away with it, and sometimes
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: we get away with it for fucking decades, and you're like,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: what are you talking about. I've been doing bullshit to
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: my body forever. I'm fine. And by the way, and
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: even if I had to, I could turn this shit
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: around quickly if I had to. But you know, and
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: by the way, Carli, you've got to have a life. Yes,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: you have a life, Carli.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: And that's the that's the challenging one because it's interesting
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: because I if I ate donuts every day, I would
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: feel really, really sick, Like it just doesn't. I guess
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: in that respect, I'm kind of motivated to eat healthy
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: food because I know I've got a short term impact
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: on me because it feel good. Where if somebody just
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: has a junk food addiction and they don't actually feel anything,
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: then it's harder for them to be motivated to change.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And we're not trying to be judgmental here, it's
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: like I'm just I'm fascinated with human potential, fascinated. I'm
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: fascinated with what people can do when either they have
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: no option or they believe they have no option. You know,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: and I've told this too many times, but I probably
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: haven't told you, but my dad, you know, drank too much,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: ate too much, moved too little for fucking ever, then
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: had a heart attack at seventy two, and then had
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: a quadruple bypass and came out of that like a
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: new man. Like he had no self control issues, no
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: WheelPower issues, no time management issues, because he was fucking
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: terrified of dying. So the guy who just couldn't get
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: his shit together got his shit together completely and lost heart.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I know, twenty five kilos in a few months, walked
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: every day and halved his food and reduced his booze
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: by eighty percent. And that was the same guy that
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I was trying to get to do a version of
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: that for twenty years leading up to the heart attack.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Has the heart attack, gets faced with his mortality, shits
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: himself metaphorically, is terrified, and now all of a sudden,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: that's like, Craig, tell me what to do, Like you.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Know, but.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Pre heart attack to post heart attack, he didn't have
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: any more potential, he didn't have any more resources, he
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: didn't have any more hours in a day. But what
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: he did have was a completely different worldview. Yeah.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a completely different attitude.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Now. What frustrates me is he could have done that
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: twenty years earlier.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: He didn't at that time in his worldview, have a
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: compelling reason to do that.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And isn't it funny that you would think living
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: long and healthy is not a compelling reason?
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah, yeah, but I think that's where this optimism
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: advice comes in. It's like, it probably wasn't in his
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: reality that that was going to happen. Everything okay, and
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, I mean it's a very
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: common story. Yeah, it's you know, they have the heart
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: attack or they get the big CEA and then all
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: of a sudden, it's like okay, I'll change.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. What's the breakdown of your clients male slash female?
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Like what percentage? Is it mainly women?
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: It is mainly women?
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you reckon that? Like we were talking
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: about this recently, I don't know was I talking to
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you about it? Tiff? About how many dudes. How many
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: ladies come to my things?
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: Anyway, I've talked about it, not recently.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the majority of Like I did a gig last week, Yeah,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: the weekend before lasting menygo open to the public, Ali
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: and eighty five percent of the people who came with ladies.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: And I always asked this question, you know, put up
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: your hand if you're a bloke who's been dragged here
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: against your will. There's always a bunch of blokes because
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: you know there's a woman in their life going. You
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: need to listen to Craig Harper or whatever it is, right,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: you need to get your shit together, you need to
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: come to this. And they don't want to be there,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: and I feel bad. I feel bad for them. But
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: what's your theory either of you? But we'll start with you, Carly.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: What's your theory around why perhaps ladies are more open
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: to personal growth for one of a better term?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Gosh, I think that's that's a tricky one because I
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: don't I don't. I haven't sort of looked at any
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: research on this, but I know from men tend to
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: be and I kind of know if this is the
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: right thing to say. But really focused and busy on
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: work where women are more are nurturing, and you know
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: they might be Yes, there are working women as well,
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: they tend to have a more nurturing kind of side
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: to them. And also I think women tend to when
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: you know, if they meet for a coffee, they're very,
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: very open that will talk about They will go through
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: the layers a bit and talk about personal stuff, where
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: the typical guy who's going to the hub, they'll talk
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: about the sport or kind of more top level stuff.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: So and look, that's just my sort of subjective opinion there.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's all we're about. I think. Correct me
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: if you think I'm wrong with either of you on this.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: But I feel like, not always, but more often than
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: with women, a lot of men get a sense of
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: self and self worth and identity through their job, yeah,
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: you know, and what they do, whereas you know, women
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: not so much. I mean, obviously, lots of women have
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: great jobs, and there's lots of powerful women in industry
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. But I feel like men get
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: their confidence from you know, stuff more than and again
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: that could be this coming from a bloke, by the way, So.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, Tiff, Yeah, I think relative to what both of
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: you said. When you ask that question, I would say
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: women tend to get to a point where they go,
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I'm ready to fix or improve me, and men go,
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: I've got to fix this so and your stuff is
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: literally the U project. It's if you're ready to fix
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: your shit. And men kind of I feel like they
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: are fixers and doers, but they probably look outward not inward.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to get all the dudes in Australia
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: and just go bro. It's like, you don't know how
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: liberating it is to go, I'm a fuck with and
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem, not always, not in every instance, but
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I'm the problem here. I did the wrong thing. I'm scared.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know, try this with me all the men.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Fucking hell, that doesn't come out of
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: too many men's mouth. I fucked it up, you know.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And it's not about self loathing. And obviously sometimes I'm
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: not the problem, and sometimes I don't fuck up, but
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: there are lots of times when I am the problem.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I am the issue, or my habit is the issue,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and my thinking is the issue. And I think that
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: you know, we're not trying to throw ourselves under the
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: bus or to to immerse ourselves in self loathing but
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: rather self awareness. And we can't work on the thing
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: that we won't acknowledge, you know, we can't improve the
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: thing that we won't own up to. And if you're
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: being a fuck with but pretending you're not, well, you're
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: still being a fuck with. It doesn't matter the rest
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: of us know, you know. And I just think that
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: when you do well, give yourself a pat on the back.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: When you fuck up, go fucked up. I want to
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: do better, you know. For me that that has been
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: very liberating, you know, and also it's amazing not only
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: is it personally liberating, but to my complete surprise, it
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: actually builds much better rapport with an audience than the
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: other way.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's interesting what you were saying about
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: the guys being dragged to your workshops, because you wonder
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: what happens after that, because I would say that that's
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: the first step, like they've actually come along. They haven't
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: said no, so there is a bit of coercion there,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: But you don't know whether that has been just that
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: little drop of motivation, that's just all the seeds being planted,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: and then they go away and make some sort of change.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: But it's definitely people don't like to be told what
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: to do. They like to believe what comes out of
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: their mouth, not out of somebody else's. And I think
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: that's where you know, when people are being told what
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: to do versus figuring it out themselves. And of course
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: that comes with the questioning really yes, and being able
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: to develop or increase that self awareness and have and
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: a bit of flexible thinking. Yes, a lot of the
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: time there's this fixed thinking and the blinkers are up
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: and they're not seeing the whole perspective.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Of their life.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, And it can be hard, It can be really
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: hard if somebody is really their habits of step set
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: in stone and they have got somebody going well if
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: you change this, you change this. That can even bring
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: up fear, that can bring up identity kind of issues,
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: and if they've been stuck in their ways for so long.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: So there's so many nuances I think with that.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: And we like to think we're open minded, but not
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: many of us are truly open minded. Because if you
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: really and I'm putting myself in the basket, like knowing
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: about awareness or open mindedness or consciousness doesn't mean you're
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: open minded. Or aware or conscious. Right, It's like I
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: under stand or I know about some things, but I
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: don't truly understand them. But I think you're right in
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: that when we get our sense of identity from a
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: certain way of thinking, or a certain belief or a
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: certain spiritual paradigm or whatever it is like, And it
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: could be CrossFit is the best way to train. If
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: you don't do CrossFit, you've got it wrong. It could
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: be being a vegan. If you eat meat, you're a
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: bad human. You're going to Karma is going to kick
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: you in the dick. Or it could be you know,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: if you're not if you haven't accepted Jesus as your
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Lord and savior, you're going to burn in an eternal
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: lake of fire. Right, there's so many And when you
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: believe whatever it is that you believe, and I've said
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: this too many times, but you truly believe that you
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: are right, then you automatically believe that everyone in the
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: world who disagrees with you is wrong, right, And that's
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: a precarious stance. And also when you believe that you
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: are right about, absolutely, unequivocally right about something for which
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: you have no actual proof or evidence, then you know
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: and your identity is intertwined with that belief. Then now
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: you're pretty much unteachable. Yeah, yeah, you can't be taught
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: anything new because you know, and if I don't agree
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: with you, i'm wrong. So whereas I'm like, oh my god,
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I'm being wrong about so many things for decades, now
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: i'm much more. I used to think I knew more
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: when I was in my twenties than I do now.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Like I genuinely thought I knew not everything, but I
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: thought my knowledge was pretty vast. You know, by the
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: time I'd been working in the gym industry and training
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: people and talking about all the shit I took that
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: ten years in, I thought, yeah, I'm my knowledge is vast.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: And now thirty years later, I'm like, fucking no, I
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: don't know one percent of what there is to know.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: And that's not me being falsely humble. I just know that.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: It's oh my god. When I opened the PhD door,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I went, oh, okay, I'm an actual idiot, you know,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: because I'm in a new space. I'm doing new things
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: with new people, I'm learning a new language, I'm reading
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: new things. I'm like, fuck, ow and this is you know,
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: and I'm in the psychology space studying a drop of
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: water in an ocean of knowledge and an ocean of
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: research and an ocean of science. And I'm studying a
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: drop of water for five years. And you know, so
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I come out being an expert in inverted commas asterisk
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: in that drop of water. And by the way, I'll
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: get surpassed ten minutes after I finished my PhD. You know.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: But you've got to know that, and you've got to
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: be okay with that.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think people struggle with change when
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: they don't have the knowledge or they don't have the
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: interest as well. Yes, and they're so. I think it
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: also is hard today because people are, well, we're so busy,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: but we're also so distracted to like we anytime we
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: have space, we can be scrolling on social media or
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: watching the news or whatever. And so people think they
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: don't have time to change, They don't have time to exercise,
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: don't have time to think about the food. But actually
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: it's looking where their attention is going. Yes, So attention
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: is energy. It's like how you live your life is
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: what you're paying attention to. So if you're not paying
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: attention to the fact that your doctor is saying to
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: you that if you don't change your lifestyle, you're going
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: to end up with a heart attack. Can you just
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: walk out of the room and just start watching the news,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: then then that's how you're going to live, and that's
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: the path that you're going to take. A lot of
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: this is about where your attention is.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Going, Yes it is, and where you're Like where your
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: attention is, you know, where your what your mind is
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: focused on, what you're you know, your emotion are there,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: your body's there, you know, And yeah, that's so that's
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: such an interesting thing to think about, Like where my
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: mind is is where I am and I might physically
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: be in a situation, but in a way not even
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: there so to speak.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, And that kind of goes into that
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: passive living versus active living, and so many people are
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: living passively now and I think that that kind of
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: brings into the health as well. It's like it's when
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: you are living passively and you're not actively involved in
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: your life, you are more likely to be sententory, You're
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: more likely to be reaching for the easy, processed foods.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: Whereas if you can step back and go right, I'm
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: going to take control over my choices, Even if it's
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: a small step, then that means that you start living
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: actively your life.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: So go, I'm sorry, God, say.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: There's a question I would ask if a client was
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: really struggling with motivation to change, even if they knew
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: they had to change, they just can't seem to do
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: the behaviors, I would ask them that question, which comes
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: from motivational interviewing, which is on a scale of one
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: to ten, how important is your health to you? Most
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: people are going to have a high number. Most people
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: are going to go, well, it's an eight. It is
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: important to me. And then the next question is, okay,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: well why isn't it a two? Why isn't it at
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: eight and not a two? And that's when they give
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: their reasons. Yeah, I want to be around for my
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: kids or you know, I want to have energy. I
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: want to I want to to be able to just
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: go out and go for walks and feel good about it.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: And so that if you ask those questions, and anyone
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: can I you don't have to be a coach to
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: ask those questions. You can. You know, you can ask
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: your husband or your wife these questions, and it starts
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: bringing that awareness of why you need to change.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. And it's like when you ask
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: those questions where we're really kind of trying to identify
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: what's important to us, like or what our values are,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: and then you can say, okay, so based on that,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: what are you doing that's not working? Yeah? You know,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: it's like if you could put your life up on
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: a hoist, like we put a car on a hoist
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: and just walk around and kick the metaphoric tires. You know,
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: how are things? How's it traveling? How's it running? As
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: the engine? How's the gearbox, how's the tires? How's it?
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: You know? Yeah, because I think you know you actively,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: I think you call it. I think we're on the
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: same page. I talk about unconscious versus conscious living, like
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of us are in a almost
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: like an unconscious auto pilot in terms of choices, behaviors, actions, reactions,
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: lifestyle habits. But if we if we hit the metaphoric
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: pause button and step back and say, what are the
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: things that I typically do and in terms of who
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: I want to be and how I want to be?
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Are these things working? Yeah? You know, we can make
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: it more sciencey and complicated, but we all know. You know,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: if we were all brutally honest. We could come up
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: with five things in probably thirty seconds that we're currently
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: doing that are kind of stupid. Yeah yeah, kind of
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: out of alignment with what we say is really important.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: TIF do you need to jump out?
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: I've got to pay five five minutes?
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: All right, yep, Carli, I just wanted to check in
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: with you. Oh yeah, Now do I remember correctly? I'm
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: sure I do. That you're doing your masters. I am.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: I'm doing my master's in counseling. That I've had a
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: bit of a break, a bit of.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: A long break, have you. Oh that's okay, it's been nice.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: I go back in October, and my schedule now is
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I'll be finished by next Christmas.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: Awesome. Awesome. So let's wind up. So people who feel
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: like maybe they're living out of alignment, and by that
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, they're doing stuff that really doesn't
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: work for them in terms of who and how they
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: want to be. I know there's no three step plan.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I know there's no set protocol, But where might we
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: start if someone's you know, what's one thing or two
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: things that we can do to create some momentum and
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: maybe lean into those changes I think if.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: I mean asking that question, I think is a good
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: place to start to start thinking about what is important
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: to you and really identifying that and then looking at
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: as you were saying, what are your current behaviors and
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: in act we call them towards moves in a way moves.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: So are you doing things that are taking you towards
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: that person that you want to be and the thing
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: they are important to you? Or are they taking you away?
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: And having a you can even write them down and
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: then every day do like we I mean, I'm a
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: big fan of the ritual board and having that visual
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: where you can tick off small rituals and start small,
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: like if you're somebody who has not exercised for years
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: and the thought of even just you know, going for
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: a jog a small dog just is just like no way,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing it, and don't do that. It's like,
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: let let's scale that back and all you need to
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: do is put your trainers on, put your gear on,
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: and that's all to start with that, and then see
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: what happens. And then over time you put the gear
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: on and then you might walk to the corner, Well
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: then you know you're going to go further so, and
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: it's just those small steps that you can do that
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: over time are going to add up to big changes.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm such a big fan of that because people underestimate,
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: They over estimate what they can do in a day,
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: and underestimate what they can do in a year. That's
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: my attitude with CrossFit with me is that I know
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: that the weights I'm doing it are really light. Sometimes
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: I don't even have anyway on the bar, but I
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: know if I can be consistent and start small that
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: this time next year, I'm going to see a real progression.
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: So it's what you do every single day. It doesn't
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: matter how small it is, that slowly, slowly you're going
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: to see changes.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: And how great is it that you will be a
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: year older. Chronologically on the calendar, you'll be a year older,
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: but you might be biologically one or two or three
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: years younger than you are right now? Yeah, I mean
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: that's fucking I love that shit. That's exciting, right yeah.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: And I think it helps. What's helped me too is
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: to actually think about my future self. So think about me.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: I've just turned fifty five the other week, so next
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: fifty six, what is my fifty six year old want
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: from me. Now, what do I need to do? If
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: they were going to say to me, color, I need
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: you to do this, I need you to stop doing this,
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: and I need you to start doing this. That's what
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be nice to you, but oh
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: my god, you do not look tiffed. Be tell out,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: be honest.
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: She looks like my sister.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I forgot that you were that old. You're a fucking dinosaur.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: But the good news is you look at least ten
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: years younger than you actually are.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: Wow do you know?
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know about you. I've just found it turning
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: fifty five. I just feel like the window is closing
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: for as far as improvements, and then it's going to
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: be maintenance. So that's why I'm quite motivated as well.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: I've got a real why behind why. I'm really putting
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: a lot of effort into the exercise and the resistance
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: training because that's so important for bone density.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: I've become obsessed in the last five year is about
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: improving my brain. You know, cognition, memory, you know, mental acuity, communication,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: all of that brain based decision making, all of that
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: brain based stuff. It's hard to be objective because I'm me,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: But as objective as I can be, I'm pretty sure
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: I'm better than when I was forty five.
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: To ask you when you were going to get started.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: That's hurtful, Carly. Tell everyone how they can find you,
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: connect with you, and pay you an obscene amount of
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: money to work with you.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: So my website, Carlietaylor Coaching dot com dot au is
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: the best place.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: You Just fill out the form, thank you your ace,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Well say goodbye affair, but for the minute, Tiviny and Cook.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: What's your middle name?
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: Carli Paige p A I D e U.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Tiviny and Cook, Carli Page, Taylor, Craig Anthony Harpers signing
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: out you projectors. We appreciate you. Thanks ladies, Bye bye