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Can you get validation from a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about or answering the question can you
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  get validation from a narcissist if you're new here?
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. I'm good.
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  The self love brand is still available.
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  Y'all I'm good. But seriously, y'all this is one
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  of the main questions. Y'all.
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  I get a lot of questions. Y'all know I get a lot of
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  questions. I get a lot of D Ms. I get a lot
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  of emails from people asking me things like this right here.
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  Can you ever get validation from a narcissist?
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  Would a narcissist ever validate your feelings?
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  And most people, most pages that you're going to see are going to
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  say they're going to. I answer that question with a
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  no, a heart, just a stomping your feet.
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  Hell no, you will never get validation from a narcissist.
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  But y'all know I'm a self aware narcissist.
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  So we gonna take it in a little different direction right here
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  because I think you can get validation from a narcissist but
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  not in the way that you're thinking.
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  This is non, this is unconventional thinking right
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  here, this is reframing. Y'all know I'm all about
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  reframing your mindset, rebuilding that self love and
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  authenticity. So can you get validation from a
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  narcissist? Yeah, I think you can.
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  But again, again, again, again, don't clip this and say leave so
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  you can get validation from a narcissist and don't add
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  context. We need the context.
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  I think that you can get validation from a narcissist
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  through their behaviors and their actions.
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  The way that they are treating you is validation for how you
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  feel, your thought process and whatnot.
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  The reason you decided to leave this relationship, the reason
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  you decide to close this chapter of your life, they can.
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  They're they're toxic, bad behaviors can actually be the
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  closure and the validation that you need.
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  Why can't that be enough? I feel like you have to ask
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  yourself, why can't that be enough?
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  Because I think the people hear the word validation.
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  You treat you you like you think of it like a synonym.
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  Foreclosure. You're like, why can't the way
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  they treated you be enough to close this book right here?
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  Why can't their behaviours, their toxicity, their line and
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  manipulation? Why can't that be enough?
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  Because why can't. Like this is my kids book right
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  here. Y'all it's called.
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  Remember, it's not your fault. This is my book.
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  But when you're in a relationship with a narcissist
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  or a toxic person, it's like you're writing your own book,
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  right? So you have to close it.
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  So take what? Why can't you take what they
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  give you and that be enough? They treated me badly.
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  They didn't treat me the way that I deserved to be treated.
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  They didn't love me the way I deserved to be loved.
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  DN close that thing up. This is on Amazon, by the way.
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  Really. With your kids and whatnot.
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  But yeah, why can't that be enough?
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  I feel like that's a question you have to ask yourself.
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  Like, Dang Lee, you. You're right.
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  Why can't that be enough? Why isn't that enough for me
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  right here? Because I think people want to
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  you. When you hear validation,
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  everybody think. I feel like people think
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  validation and closure have to be on a good note.
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  You feel like that it has to be attributed to some level of
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  goodness. Like this has to be on a good
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  note. Like closure has to be good.
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  Like we sit at a we meet somewhere at at the damn clock
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  tower and the big the Eiffel Tower at Tuesday on January the
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  third or something like that. At at noon, Paris time or
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  wherever, wherever I thought was at y'all sit there and have a a
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  mimosa or something together and you laugh about the old time,
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  the good times. You cry a little bit, you hug,
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  you kiss one last time or you go off, you know, one of y'all hops
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  over the edge and you have your little your parachute or your
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  little glider wings and you glide off into the sunset.
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  That's now how it works. Yeah, I'm, I'm extremely
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  imaginative. I feel, I feel like y'all
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  already know that by now. Y'all, well, look, we've been
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  doing this for three years now. I'm extremely imaginative.
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  But yeah, y'all, yes, that's the mindset of it right there.
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  Y'all that is the mindset. That is the dynamics.
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  That is the the crux of it out right there, isn't it?
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  That's how it goes right there. Why can't it?
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  Why can't the Why can't you let Why does it have to get to
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  Paris, to the Eiffel Tower or the the place you first met, or
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  the house Y'all bought together or the city you first met?
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  Why can't why does it have to be that right there?
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  All the validation you need for moving forward is how they be
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  treated you. The disrespect.
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  The lying. The cheating, The manipulation.
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  The physical stuff that they did.
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  Really. What if they didn't get
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  physical? What if they just threw things
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  at me or around me? What if they didn't punch the
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  wall beside me? If they punch the wall beside
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  you, they want to punch you. If they hit the wall next to
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  you, they want to hit you. If they kick something beside
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  you, they throw something towards you.
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  They want to hit you. It's almost a damn the same
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  exact thing. Y'all.
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  I know people who hear that and they're just like, well, Lee,
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  that's not nowhere near the same y'all.
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  I'm just speaking from experience, you know, man, just
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  the mindset, just the dynamic of it all You have in in the way
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  this thing works, the way the mind of a narcissistic person
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  works. They don't want to give you the
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  validation because they don't want to.
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  Like y'all giving you validation takes away from a narcissist.
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  It strips them of their power because that means if they
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  validate you or give you the closure that you're looking for,
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  the the type that you're looking for, that means they have to
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  take some kind of accountability.
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  Now imagine a mystical world, a magic world where a narcissistic
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  person in your life is taking accountability.
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  You know, imagine that world right there.
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  Imagine the world where that actually exists.
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  Imagine it. Imagine that happening right
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  there. You know, because a lot of
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  people can't imagine that happening because it is.
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  It probably won't happen most times.
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  You know you can get the validation from what you need.
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  Because as a narcissist, if I if I give you the validation that
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  you're seeking in the way that you are seeking it, that means I
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  have to take accountability and yo me taking accountability, Me
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  taking accountability means I can't put you in it.
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  It's me taking accountability for what I have done.
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  If somebody is talking to you and telling you that they're
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  going to validate your emotions or validate how you feel or take
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  accountability and they're putting your name in it or
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  blaming you some way, shape or form, we both made mistakes.
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  I did this for you. I did this because of you.
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  That's not accountability, that's blame deflection.
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  How Those are not the same thing right there.
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  Don't let people trick you or confuse you.
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  Thinking at one, they thinking those, thinking that those two
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  things are the same. We are not the same.
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  We are different. You know, Lil Wayne said, I am
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  not the same. I'm AI, am a Martian, and I
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  believe that to this day, he said.
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  We are not the same. I am a Martian.
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  But that's how it goes right there.
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  Y'all, you have to validate yourself in these spaces right
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  here, You know you absolutely have to, because if you don't,
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  you lose. You can get the validation that
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  you need from the way that they treated you.
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  Why can't the way they treated you the bad behaviours?
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  Why isn't that enough apply? That's the question we have to
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  ask ourselves. Why can't that be enough?
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  Why isn't it enough for you? Why do you need more?
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  And this is not me. This is not me trying to call
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  you needy. This is my not me trying to do
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  that right here. This is me telling you, why do
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  you need more right now? You got it.
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  You got it in front of you. There's plenty of people out
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  there that I talked to and I asked them the question, like,
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  why isn't that enough? I was like, how do they treat
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  you? They treated me badly.
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  They did. They did that.
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  Why isn't that enough? Why do you need more?
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  Most people can't answer that question because in these spaces
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  most people want, and I I understand it too though y'all
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  because most people want to feel like they matter.
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  And like Lee, I just want to know that I matter.
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  What if you matter in the way that you did?
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  What if you didn't matter in the way that you want to matter at
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  the end? Because a lot of times it
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  shifts. The way they feel about you goes
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  down and doesn't increase in a normal non-toxic relationship.
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  The way that they feel about you typically increases over time.
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  Any relationship with a narcissist, it starts from the
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  beginning and decreases. It's the the, it's the the main,
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  the maximum is typically near the beginning.
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  The most love, the most care, the most.
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  Affection that you're going to get from this person is
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  typically, typically going to be in the beginning.
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  It just is. It's one of those things that
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  continues. It's going to continue to
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  happen. The most you going to get from
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  this person is going to be in the beginning.
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  And I know that sucks. I know it sucks.
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  I know people. Believe me, that's that's BS why
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  it's gotta be that way. Y'all.
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  I know it sucks. I understand that.
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  It sucks. I'm on.
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  I'm on the side of winning. Whatever winning looks like to
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  you when but you can get the validation you need because they
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  treated you so badly. Why is that not validated enough
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  for you to take the steps to walk this way?
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  Ask yourself that question right there.
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  Why isn't the bad tribute enough?
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  If you need more, if you need or nothing.
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  But Lee, I got so much time invested into it.
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  Go back to yesterday's video about the sunk cost fallacy that
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  you might have missed. Back to yesterday's video.
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  It's about, well, Lee, I've invested this much into it.
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  I don't want to just walk away from that.
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  You've invested enough so you can pour more into it.
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  You can pour more of your time into a tax relationship.
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  Do you feel like you wasted it? You can give them more love to
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  make them feel like they wasted it.
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  They don't care Y'all like that. They don't care about you
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  wasting your time because they are not wasting theirs.
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  The more cost that you sink into them, the more their value goes
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  up. Your value goes down.
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  The more cost you sink, the more their value goes up.
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  I should have said that yesterday.
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  Dang it. Just how you get better ideas
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  the day after. God, I'm frustrated.
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  Oh, that was fire and I missed it.
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  But y'all hear y'all watched yesterday's video.
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  You watched today's video. You got to put like a put a fire
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  emoji in the chat. Just put a fire emoji in the
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  comment section. I appreciate it.
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  If y'all watched yesterday, you hear the sunk cost fallacy at
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  what I just said to yesterday's video and drop a fire emoji.
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  I appreciate it though. Y'all, but why can't they be
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  validated enough? Back to the point, why can't
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  they be enough for you? I feel like that's what a lot of
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  the the, the, the, the dilemma a lot of people face.
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  Because we have the we have this illusion of what we think
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  validation and closure looks like.
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  Flip it. The validation I need because
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  you didn't give me what I needed.
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  You validated me by not giving what I needed.
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  You validated my choice to go this way.
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  You validated my choice to stop sinking unnecessary cost into
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  you. You validated my you validated
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  me by just letting me know I'm worth more.
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  Why can't it be that way? Why can't you take what they say
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  and flip it? You'll never be enough.
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  You'll never be worth enough. You trying to hurt me at the end
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  of the relationship because you know I'm worth more?
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  Flip it. They're validating you in ways
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  that you did. You just didn't think about it.
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  You didn't see it that way. But now we're seeing it this
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  way. Y'all.
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  We seen it differently. That's what we do over here,
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  though. Seriously.
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  God. Oh, that's the work that we put
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  in over here. That's the dynamic, That's the
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  mindset. We shift mindsets over here.
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  I'm a narcissist. They've been in therapy for six
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  years. I'm shifting minds.
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  I've shifted my mindset. Let's shift each others.
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  Let's win. Y'all.
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  I just want y'all, y'all, y'all and y'all should understand this
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  by now. I literally just want y'all to
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  win. I feel like I'm winning.
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  I just want y'all to win. If you haven't already.
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  Y'all check out my This helps you right here.
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  Y'all to validate you as well. This helps you validate
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  yourself. The Self Love Journal or Amazon
• 12:06
  Lee Hammock. I love me.
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  Check it out on Amazon You haven't already.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel as well.
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  Get that validation from internally Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
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  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:22
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:24
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:26
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:29
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:31
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
• 12:34
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.