Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #203 - Matty Fahd + Matty J + Ash

Transcript

#203 - Matty Fahd + Matty J + Ash · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hash Matt, we have a guest surprise.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: They are I would call them, refer to them as
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: the king of TV.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Wow, that is a big statement.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Go on, what do you mean, Well, I've been watching
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: him on TV for many, many, many years.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: He's your king.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Well, I think surely he's many many kings too, many
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: of viewers around Australia.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, actually, how long have you been on that show?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: For seventeen seasons? Yes, we are talking about Maddie Fahad.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Are you talking to yourself?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: No, he's been on seventeen seasons of goggle Box.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I wonder what he thought of any of my seasons
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: of Bachelor Dancing with the Stars. I'm a celebrity. It
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: depends on how many times you cry all Monty every
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: single scene. So it's my contract.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: It's like everyone gather around Maddy, Jay's going to cry
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: on TV again.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I wonder if he's watched your season of TV.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: He hasn't because it was shit Corners.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Why are you making me like an asshole? You're making
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: yourself well, do you know he's not an asshole? Maddie
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: farhad Well said, thank you.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: He is a father of two. Here's the goggle Box
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: star and now the podcaster.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Called the Dad's in the Docks. He talks about growing
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: up in an immigrant family, meeting his beautiful wife Sarah.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: That's right, Matt. He also talks about what it's like
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: raising two boys.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Also, just a note to say that this episode does
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: talk about miscarriage. If you're not in a space to
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: hear that, the topic of miscarriage is at the end
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: of the episode.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: But there's plenty o of the laughs and information that
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Maddy does share with us about his life parenting and
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: what it's like right now while his wife is away
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: and he's got two kids for seven days.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: God, what a dad. Let's get into it. Welcome back
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: to three doting Dads. I am Maddie Jay, I'm Ash,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and I'm Maddie f And this is a podcast all
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: and relatable and like, we have been giving advice lately,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: but let's stop. We try not to give advice.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: We don't want to be advice monsters.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but at the same we don't want to be
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: held accountable really make them print.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So I guess if any advice comes from myself, Ash,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: ignore it, But from yourself please.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Okay, you're more full of incredible wisdom.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: That's what we love.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know who to look at because you both
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: were the same thing. You both named Maddie. I love
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: how you threw Maddie f in there there like that.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: It's very good.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Like that, miss Ashly if you want to actually take
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: a hike.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I look like you know, like at Rockistedfords, how
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: they have the guys all in black that do like
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: the curtains.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like he's a take you look like
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: that guy that we always start off for episodes with
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: a question.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah. The question is do you remember the most trouble
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: you got in as a child.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, I do. I remember that vividly because I was
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: generally I didn't kill you.
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: On We've Had People.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: I had a bit of murder on that segment.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: No, I haven't killed anyone, So I feel like then.
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: That's what someone who killed someone would say.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I swear I haven't killed anyone. So I think I
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: was a pretty good kid. I'm the youngest of four.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: My older sister was the absolute rebel troll, so I
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: think comparative to her, the rest of us kids were
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: pretty good. She was the eldest daughter of a Lebanese
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: family who did all the wrong things. She became an artist.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: My parents wanted to become a lawyer.
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: She she did photography, very contemporary, like abstract sort of
• 3:47
  Speaker 6: stuff as well, never like you know, classical painting or
• 3:50
  Speaker 6: anything like nudes.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: She she's got tattoos all over her, she had a
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: shaved head at one point. She just did all the
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: things that you know, my parents never wanted to do.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: And they had her quite young.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Does that mean they were a little bit more relaxed
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: on you because they were.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Like, ah, yeah, it's you know, you just don't You
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: just need to be just below that bad exactly.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: So they kind of got more and more chill as
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: time went on. And because I was the youngest, they'd
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: also become a little bit more worldly by that point
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: and kind of understood the world a little bit better,
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: had gotten more mature and older themselves.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: And you also kind of give up as a parent, Yeah,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: they might.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: Have just given up. Who knows?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Did I say that as a mom who raised my children?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: By the fifth she was like, oh, whatever, you just
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: scraped in.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: So I was pretty good. But then in year ten,
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: my school finished and all my mates went to one
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: particular school after that, and my parents moved home and
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: we moved kind of to the other part of Sydney.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: And at the same time, they wanted to put me
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: into a better school because I had seen that academically
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I actually cared and I wanted to do well, but
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to change school, and so they kind
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: of coerced me into going into this school. They're like,
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: I'll just go for like the interview, like they're not
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: You're not going to get in and it's going to
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: be really difficult. They're only accepting five kids. Da da
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: da da da. Went for the interview and got in
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: and so then I'll never forget the day because I
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: was in the middle of doing a ship and my
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: dad walks in and can I swear on this podcast.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Like nine of us content talking about shit? So this
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: is great.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: There are brain so an insight into an ethnic family,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: zero privacy, just like straight in while I'm midship and
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: was like, hey, you got in, and I was like
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: got into what They're like the school and I'm like, oh,
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: that's amazing. I'm not going.
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: She just told me.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: My Dad's like you're fucking going and I'm like, no,
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I'm not going, and he's like, you're definitely going. You
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: got in. Dah da da. Anyway, so we had this
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: massive blow up because he told me just go for
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: the interview. If you get in, you can make the choice.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I got in, and then I didn't have any right
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: and so I then went from Okay, I'm going to
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: school with all my mates and now going to be
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: the new kid at this new school. And on top
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: of that, the school had a reputation a bit like
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: I went to like a really normal Catholic school before
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: that it wasn't fan see, it was nothing, and then
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: this school had a bit of prestige about it, and
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: in my mind, I was like, I'm going to school
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: with all these rich kids. It's not me, Like, you know,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be there, you know. And so
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: I then at that point decided to like, that's it.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: You mess it with me. I'm going to rebel against
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: you and you make you guys really uncomfortable as at
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: a fourteen fifteen year old, And I told him, you
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: send me that school, I'm going to get myself expelled.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: I'm going to fight people threatened. Yeah, like I was
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: losing my mind. And up until that point, I was
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: doing well at school. I was never like, I would
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: never say like I was a studious kid, Like I
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: always had problems listening, and my reports would always be like, somehow,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Matt is doing quite well because he doesn't he distracts others.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: But I'd go home and study my ass off. But
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: then that school, I'd really struggle to listen for long
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: periods of time.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Social for you, yeah you're social.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: But I did well academically and I cared about what
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: I what I was getting, and I wanted to get
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: into UNI and all that stuff. So I was self motivated.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: They didn't have to tell me to study.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: That's such a dilemma for your parents of like is
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: he gonna like follow through with this threat or is
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: he just bluing?
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: And so then I, while I was still at my
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: old school, decided I'm not going to come home after
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: school and just get the shit out of them, and
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: I I haded. I headed to King's Cross. My sisters
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: live there and my older sisters live there, and I
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: was like, I called, I'm like, don't tell them and dad,
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: but I'm coming and We're going to go and hang
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: out in King's cross. I was just like, ye, don't
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: we won't tell him obviously. My sister's like, just so
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: you know, don't worry, like he's with me. Meanwhile, I'm
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: thinking my parents are shitting bricks and they're not because
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: my sister. Yeah, of course. Of course again as an adult,
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: I'm like she had to snitch. Ye, my parents would
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: have been losing their mind. So I was doing stuff
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: like that, not coming home after school when I was
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: meant to, and started to rebel a little bit and
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: then got into school with no real intention of getting expelled,
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: but I felt like, it's.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Too nice to get expelled. Dude.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah. When I was kind of that seventeen sixteen age,
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: I used to like I didn't mind throwing punchers. I
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: was like, I was always I haven't been blessed with
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: a lot of height, so I felt like people wanted
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: to always mess with me, And as a smaller kid,
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: I'd be like, you're going to mess with me, then
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: we're going to go yeah, and then people kind of
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: learned not to mess with you anymore. So, like I
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: kind of my dad was always like, never hit anyone,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: never hurt anyone, but protect yourself because you know, obviously,
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: he knew people were going to come at me. So
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: and I say the same thing to my kids. I'm like,
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: you never to hit anyone, but I don't want you to.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: You protect yourself and do what you've got to do
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: to you know, if someone is going to hurt you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: And so I went to this school and going to
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: a new all boys high school. I don't know if
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: it's still like this now, but I think of it. It
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: was like going to prison. It was everyone wanted to
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: test you. And I just come from a school where
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: I'd been with my mate since kindergarten. I knew everyone.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: It was all happy days and how was the new kid?
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: And I'll never forget coming into my first mass class
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: and I sat down next to a kid I don't know.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: I was like, is that freeze? Like, yeah, you can
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: see there?
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: This is this is like prison.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, this is prison.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And the kid in front of me, who I'd
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: never met, hadn't had a conversation with, turns around, grabs
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: my brand new calculator from day one, puts it under
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: his seat and cracks the screen.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: And no, they were expensive, Yeah, one of those mathematical ones.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I still have no exactly And in my mind,
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: I'm like, keep it together first day, first day, and
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: obviously I didn't, and so that then led into like
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: a full on brawl at lunchtime, and so you know,
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: got suspended, got in a lot of trouble. My parents like,
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: oh my god, what the hell have we done to
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: this kid? He's following through or I mean, you're in
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: high school, so not really, it doesn't get too far
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: before a teacher comes out kind of in detention. So yeah,
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: I remember that, and that was kind of a lot
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: of There was a few weeks of that at the
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: new school, like just trying to like hold my ground
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: and then you know, find your people. And then once
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I had my crew, it was kind of like, well,
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: it's good now, like we've tested him and he's now
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: got his crew, and yeah, and I don't think I
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: now as an adult, I look back and think put
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: myself and my parents shoes, and I did a lot
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: better in my end of year exams because of that school.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: Do I think it was a better school than my
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: last night? I don't know. There's academically, yes, maybe not culturally,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: if that's what you know was happening the kids and
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: it was a bit of a prison, but I kind
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: of go, thank god they sent me there, right, because
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: it got me into the degree that I wanted to
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: get into. That led me to the career that I had,
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: And Yeah, things could have been different without it, So
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: I appreciate them now, but at the time I didn't. Yeah,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: and it really gave me an insight into you know,
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: people say that's just luck, and other people, oh, there's
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: no such thing as luck, and I get both of
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: those arguments, right. You have to work damn hard. There's
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: hardly very little luck in life. But luck is being
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: born into a family that love you and care for you.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: And I've always had that. And so that level of
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: kind of just that little tweak in my life that
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: caused a little bit of angst or anxiety kind of
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: started to push me. And it gave me an insight
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: into Okay, when the upbringing or something at home is wrong,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: it can really steer a kid the wrong way really quickly,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: because Yeah, I felt like in my mind I was
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: raging and that wasn't me and I could have taken
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: a really different path.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you get home from school, you've had a fight
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: at lunch time, what does your dad say?
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: He would ask did you hit him first? Yeah, And
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: I would say no, look.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: At this cool.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: So he's he would always be okay with me protecting
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: myself fair enough.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: If that was my child, I'd be like.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: Fuck, yeah, yeah, you're protect protecting harder.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Still, I've still got a scar on my knuckle. Wow,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I had surgery on it when I was like seventeen.
• 11:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, don't mess with people's calculated.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: People think like like you said, like I couldn't imagine
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: do it. It's like I can't imagine myself to that.
• 11:32
  Speaker 6: But like seventeen eighteen years nice and friendly.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: If we make it through this podcast about someone thing,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: it'll be a miracle. Yeah.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: What was this like, just like final question on that,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: what if there was punishment to be dealt out? What
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: was the punishment?
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Look, I don't know. It was you know, you're not
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: going out on the weekend type thing. Like I think again,
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: my parents were relatively chill by the time I came along.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: There wasn't I was just like, yeah, like you're not
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: going out and you know you're not going to get
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: money that week, pocket money that week to do whatever
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: you wanted to do. Like, what else are they going
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: to do really.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Now, Maddie, we need to congratulate you because you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: are solo parenting, and I know the bar is very
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: low for men at the moment in terms of parenting,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: but you are how many days in day two? Okay, okay,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: you beautiful bags is currently overseas, so you're looking after
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: both children by yourself.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the bags under my eyes probably give it a wow.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: It is so funny because this is the reaction that
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: is happening in my life over the last forty eight hours.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Well, you did a little story update before. Did you
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: get much of a reaction for people outraged?
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: No, I'm just getting lots of messages at the moment
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: because I've obviously been facetious and like, lady people know
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: that everything's all right. Guys, Like it's not the first
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: time I've had to take care of kids on my own,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: but like, it is really funny that I was working
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: in corporate for eighteen years and for a lot of
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: time I've been a dad. I was working in corporate
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: and it meant I was flying everywhere all the time,
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: and I'd be away for four or five days and
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: it wouldn't be a blimp. On Sarah's social calendar, social
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: network in her vocabulary, in anyone's vocabulary. Yet when it's
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: the other way around, everyone's I'm getting messages daily, how
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: are you coping? Is everything all right?
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: And like it's so fun.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: My parents are like calling me several Sarah's dad called me,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: who never calls me, He's called me today. He's like,
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I'm just checking in on you, and I'm like, Sam,
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: everything's good.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: It's that generation because it would have never happened back.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe it was just ringing to see what it's like,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: because like I've never done so what's it like?
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: And I don't think I even come across as like,
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: you know, the type of dad that's not that involved
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: with my kids, Like I'm heavily involved with my kids.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I'm always with my kids. So I find it even
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: funnier that people are like, oh, Matt is like he's
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: going to struggle here. And don't get me wrong, Sarah
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: has never gone away for seven days. The most I
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: think we've done his two or three days without her,
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: So the kids have never been without her for this long.
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: So it is something new, which is why kind of
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: having a laugh about it, and there's a party of
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: me're like I don't know where this goes. Day four,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: day five for the kids going to start to go
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: crazy because they haven't seen their mom and there's only
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: like my littless just says, Mommy on the plane. I'm like,
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know how long she can be on the
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: plane for, but it seems okay to know that she's
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: on the plane. But whether she's coming back or not,
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: after like three days, we'll see.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Are you doing the facetimes at all? Because yeah, because
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: when you're the person away, you're like, I really miss
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: my kids and you really want to have that time
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: with the FaceTime. But three seconds in they're doing like
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: my kids love the filter the film.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: That's the worse and the courses a fire, that's.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: All right, take the giraffe filter.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: I was just like at one point, I was just
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: like a moving head.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my son loves that pool emoji. And I'm like,
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: mal like, I just want to talk to you about
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: take off the thing. I can hears out in the
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: background going, malle take off the thing. This is when
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: I'm calling when I'm away. And so it's funny because
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Sarah called yes FaceTime. They didn't do any filters. They
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: actually wanted to see her and I was like, hey
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: you and I call you guys. You just wanted to
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: filters and play with the phone or shit. And Mom's
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: a like, home, Mom, we miss you. Malex said I
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: miss you, Mom, And I'm like what I think. Look,
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: it's it's really everyone's like, how are you going. I'm like, well,
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: she from her end, she's kind of just gotten off
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: a plane and landed. It's hardly been any time but
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: because it's like a she's in Paris, so it's like
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: a twenty something hour transit. She had to stop over
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: in Singapore. She's landed there, she's had one day there
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: overnight and now it's like two in the morning for her.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: So she's not even had like a proper day yet.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: And so but she's loving it, like she she's done
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: a couple of stories like oh my god, I just
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: got to walk into a store and it took me
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: two seconds and just grab something. And that she's walking
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: through the airport and she's hearing phantom children call for her.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Oh the Phantom children.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: I've heard it one But like so it's like when
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: you're not wearing your eye watch and you feel it vibrating. Yes,
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: it happens to me now.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, if there's like a tea commercial and
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: there's a child that cries in the TV commercial, You're like,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: oh my god, where are the kids?
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah? So I think she's kind of still desensitizing from
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: not having the kids, like nagging at her all the time,
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: and like I feel for her. But like number one
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: of the number one things that come out of Sarah's
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: mouth at home is you have two parents? Why is
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: this my problem? Like they go to I'll be next
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: to my son and we'll be doing something together and
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: he'll just leave, and I just hear Sarah.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Go ask your dad.
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: Oh so bad?
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: And then and then Mallick comes and I was like,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: what do you ask me? She's like, oh, I told
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: her I was hungry. I'm like, I'm sitting right next
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: to your mate. Just this, why are you're asking mom?
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: She's trying to chill out in there.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Just tell me. April was working in the office with
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: the door shut, and Macy comes out of her room
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and heads towards the door where you're going, and she's like,
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna ask mommy something. And I was like okay,
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: but like, don't go in there like don't if you can't,
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: you know, and it completely ignore me. And then I
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: sort of walked away to the kitchen and then April
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: was like babe, and I walked in. He's like, she
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: just said, I'm hungry.
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: I was like, are you for real?
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: You walk straight bus.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: We had an interaction even about.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: It, what is it?
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: And all week I've been so far for the two
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: days maliek my oldest, he's just been going. He's been
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: saying to me, that's not how mum does it. Oh
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: that's different to how mum does it, or Mum does
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: it this way. Hey, don't forget this, Hey make sure
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: like he's like guiding me through every step of the way,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: which is really cute and funny. But he'll be like
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: this morning, good example, gave him porridge with maple syrup
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: on top.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: There's a there are so many particular wait in my household.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I make the porridge.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Now you've started something, but I don't know.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: This is a passion point.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Like one one thing that I do that Laura doesn't
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: do it, and I'm like, Laura, just do it. It
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: makes life easier. I put a little ice cube in
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: the porridge.
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: Oh wow, and gentlemen.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cools down. It's a little bit faster because otherwise
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: you're blowing. It's really annoying. And also just the added
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: bit of water in there keeps it nice and moist.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you do love.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: I'm going to try that tomorrow. I'm going to try
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: it and I'm going to film it, and I'm tagging
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: you in it.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Won't do it, And the kids are like, but where's
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: the ice cube?
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: Just forget about it.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: We're doing it my way.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Cubes.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: I've walked down and stayed his place and walked downstairs
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: like five, like.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Don't look at me. How did you do the porridge rock?
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: So apparently there was too much milk, Daddy, there's too
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: much milk in this one today and there's too much
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: in there. And you've put maple syrup. I was like,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: do you want maple soup? You love maple siruper. He's like, mom,
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: normally does rice molt syrup?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Oh God.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: I'm like face, I'm like, I got honey. Did she
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: put honey? No rice molt syrup. I'm like, okay, cool,
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: I'll know that from next time. Thank you. And then
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: like on the way out the door, he's like check
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: my school bag and make sure everything's in there, including
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: my hat. And I was like, I think you can
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: do that. Why don't you check your back And he's
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: like okay, and then he goes and looks into it.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: So it's like there's like these lessons also being learned
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: because Sarah is so patient and I definitely don't have
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: the same patience as her, so I'll be like, go
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: check your own bag, mate, Yeah, like if your hat's
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: not in there, too bad, or if you if you
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: forgot your lunch, I'll put it there. If you took
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: it out, that's your own problem. So like there's a
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: bit of that happening this week, and they're like, oh man,
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: when's mom coming out?
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Has anything gone wrong? This is a safe place here,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: you can ah.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Not yet, It's all really been smooth sailing. I have
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: to be honest. They've been so good, Like even yesterday
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: I took them to swimming practice and then I went
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: and had lunch with my mom afterwards, and so my
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: just my youngest, my son was at school in my
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: oldest and and my mom was like, he's so well
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: behaved when like Sarah's not here, he's just really.
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: Don't tell her that yeah immediately.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: And it's true, like normally my little one's a little
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: bit of a menace, and he's just been such a
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: good kid and doing everything and eating his dinner and
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: just yeah, he's been so sweet cute. So it's been
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: really was.
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: Like, how did you go on?
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: It was really really tough. Meanwhile, it was like that
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: was sweet.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: It makes you think, God, those single parents who are
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: doing this every single day, every week, every month, every year.
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm coming in like a little bit of
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: like amping it up as well, which if you're doing
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: it every day, you can't do that. Like I'm I'm
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: conscious that they're having this great time because I'm pulling
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: out all stops. I'm like, this is my audition now.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: Like I'm getting in places where I'm not normally there
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: every day, and so like bath time, which is not
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: normally me. I've like I've brought the DJ decks in
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: the o. We had a full set in the bathroom
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: and the kids are losing it and so like in
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: the car. Weirdly, my my kids are into the song
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: Chop Suey by System of the Down at the.
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: Moment this morning, Chop Suey.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so they're requesting chop sewey in the car
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: on the way to school. So we're in the morning, like.
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: Click up, wait till they get toxicity.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: That's going to happen. Sarah's going to come back and
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: they're going to have bar time. I go, this is
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: not how dad doesn't.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like where's test at Like the four minute mark.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Helps, I've got a nightlight. There's also doubles as a
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: strobe at homes.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Really get the full affare you walk in the front
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: door and there's just closed sticks everywhere, baggies on the floor.
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, seven day Ray.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: We did. We did burgers as well, So like I'm
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: pulling out even the dinner stops. Like on a Monday night,
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: we had cheeseburgers for dinner, which is like.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Not a normal thing.
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: That's heavy hitter straight.
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to like, yeah, giving me good, good experience
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: because I know that they're probably a bit tend to
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: be like, holy shit, that's on his own heat.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I'm always jealous when kids eat hamburgers. My kids don't
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: need it, so I can only imagine what that's like.
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: One day, Matthew, one day we'll get to experience.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: That did you always want to be a dad.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: I always thought I would be a dad. There's never
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: been a time in my life where I thought, you know,
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: I don't want kids, was ready to be a dad.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: No.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I think there was a time in my life when
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: I met Sarah where it kind of came to the forefront.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I want to be a dad
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: with her. And I know for her there was a
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: time in her life where she didn't want kids, and
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: I think and it changed when her and I met,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: and I think, yeah, when you meet the right person,
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: you go yeah, I think now's the time.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Where did you meet?
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Where'd you meet? Sir Sarah? And I've got a really
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: long meeting story. I won't tell the whole thing because
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: it's a long one. But we met out in King's Cross,
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: the jungle of Sydney and it's bad. Yeah, he's a back.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: That's good to hear. I feel sorry for the kids
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: these days. But we met there, nothing happened. We kind
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: of were both at two separate clubs in kings Cross.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: She was at Hugo's and I was at the club
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: it was called Downstairs and Great Establishments. We both socially
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: smoked cigarettes to that point in life. We don't smoke anymore, thankfully,
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: and we'd gone out for a cigarette and we got chatting.
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: And then three weeks later, she popped up on my
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Facebook feed because it wasn't it was an Instagram at
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: that point, popped up on my Facebook feed, tagged in
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: a photo and I was like, that's a girl I
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: was talking to, and I added her, sent her a
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: DM and I said, hey, remember me, and she was like.
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: No, made a real impressure, made their own pression, and
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: then over several weeks, eventually went for a first date
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: with her, and then that went really well.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: But then over time she kind of then got a
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: little bit more distant. And at the time, you know,
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: it was like the very beginning of dating apps and
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: so like it was getting to like that time where
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Tinder had just launched and you could go on a
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: date like every day of the week if you wanted,
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: and it was kind of and so I was in
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: this like I was in my mid twenties, I was
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: in party boy Murder, I was going out all the time,
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: and I remember feeling this distance from her, and I
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: actually had a really good first date and she kind
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: of stuck in my mind. So I put myself out there,
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: which I wouldn't have normally done, and I sent her
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: this texture saying, hey, I kind of sense a bit
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: of distance. Did I do something to offend you? I
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: just want to let you know, like, actually had a
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: really good night with you the other night, and I
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: just want to see you again. And then I got
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: this essay back going, well, actually, yeah, you have done.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: I only hear from you from Friday nights on wood.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: You don't call me, you only text me. You've been out,
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: You post photos and videos of like you partying every
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: night with different people. Basically, you're a fuck boy, and
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: that's how you're being perceived, right, Okay, And in my mind.
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: Did you sounds like a not at all, not at all.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: Because from my perspective Monday to Friday, I was just
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: at work and I was working like dog. I'd get
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: to the I'd get to Friday night and go, okay,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: take a breath, let's do something because socialize, and then
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I'd message her. So I kind of took the feedback
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: on board. And then I said it was like kind
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: of December, and I said, hey, feedback taken, Let's start
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: again in the new year. I'll take that feedback on
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: board and she's like cool. And so then like the
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: first of January, I message her like New Year, let's go.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Like She's like, it's really early, but I just want
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: to let you know, like I've gone on a couple
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: of dates with someone. I'm not the type to kind
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: of speak to kind of two people. I was at
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: that point. I was like, that's okay. She says that
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: she'd gone on a couple of dates to this dude,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: and I was like, that's all right. I'm going to
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: be really persistent. I'll speak to you in a couple
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: of weeks. And that doesn't work out, like we're going
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: on a date, right. And so then I'm out to
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: dinner with a really good friend of mine, girlfriend of
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: mine who I've been friends with few years, just a friend.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: She's telling me about she'd been with a guy for
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: several years and they've broken up, and I was kind
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: of sharing stories about, you know, our love lives, and
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: she's telling me about this the ex boyfriend, and I said,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I went on this day with this girl. I really
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: liked her, but she's now seeing someone. But I'm just
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: seeing where things end up. Da da dada da. Anyway,
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: she tells me about her ex boyfriend. They've broken up
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: and he's seeing a girl. He's like, this is the
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: girl he's seeing, shows me a photo and Sarah and
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: my heart sank and I was like what firstly, because
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: also I knew this dude, and this dude was a dick.
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: So I was like, okay, well, she likes like a movie,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: she likes him, she doesn't like me. So then I've
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: then excused myself from this dinner and gone home because
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: I'm like burning on the inside to call Sarah. And
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: so I called Sarah on the way home. I just said, hey,
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: I just kind of told her the story, and I
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: said this not to be offensive anyway, and I don't
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: want to go into it anyway, but if you like
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: this dude, you don't like me, and so it's all good.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: I know, I said, I was going to be really persistent.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: I didn't want you to think that I'm going back
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: on my word because you don't hear from me. I
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: just wanted to let you know that, and I left
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: it at that. She's like, what do you mean, Well
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: tell me what. I'm like, no, that's it, and then
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: I just left it. And then she's texting me going
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: thanks for whatever that was. Because I was kind of
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: being a bit cryptic. I didn't want to bad mouth
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: this guy because it kind of looked like me just
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: being jealous, right, So I didn't say anything about him,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: but I just said we're two very different people, so like,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: it's if you like that kind of guy, then you're
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: probably not going to be to me. And so left
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: at that. And then two weeks later, obviously she kind
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: of came to the realization this guy was a bit
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: of a dick. Messaged me and just said hi, which
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: was the first thing I messaged her on Facebook. Was
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: just high. And so then we went on our second date,
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: which was Valentine. Yeah, and then that was it. We
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: were on Valentine's Day, we kissed for the first time.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: We did like a trapeze cast at a and then
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: I took it to the circus show that was on. Actually,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: so this is a idea for a first date. If
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: anyone's listening for a first day, do not do this
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: unless you're very flexible as a man. And so I
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: took her to Centennial Park in some of they do
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: trapeze classes in Centennial Park, and so I booked this thing,
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: and then I booked one of those Fox Studios circus
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: shows that they have come through sometimes and dinner, so
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: it was like a circus themed date and it was
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: Valentine's Day. So I've taken her to this class. I'm
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: the least flexible person, you know, I guarantee in this room,
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: out of the three of us, I'm the least mobility.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Is like a seven year old. Anyway, We've got this
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: guy teaching us who is jacked, like you know what
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: the gymnast duds. Like, he's got his shirt off, he's
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: got like ten abs. He's walking around and he's doing
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: all the stuff. And then come on and at the time,
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: I was like doing some pretty heavy weights. I was
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: quite built, and I was like I got this, Like
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get up there. It's like strength, I've
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: got strength, I'll do it. And it's got really little
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: to do with strength, Like you can do a chin up,
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: but then you have to be to scoop your legs
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: back and over this thing. And so I'm up in
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: the air upside down, just banging my shins against this
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: metal pole because I can't get it. Just don't fuck
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: while she's watching it. Then I've got this instructor like
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: gracefully doing it, showing her how it's done. And so
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: it was just a really funny day and then we
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: went to the circus. But it all went well with you.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: But yeah, don't it's nice to.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: Get your out of the way of the way.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: How many have you had?
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: None? Goodness?
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Again, were you prepared? Do you think for the changes
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: that were going to happen to you after the kids
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: arrived and you became a dad?
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: No, definitely not. I think we're pretty useless as like
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: specially dad's telling each other what's to come. It's kind
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: of we default, hold the funk on, get ready, like
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: things are going to get crazy and I'm going to
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: sleep every again and all those sorts of things. And
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: in a way, so like it's kind of a little
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: bit true for a short period of time, but really
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: I was pleasantly surprised after having kids of like that
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: part of it. Like it was really nice. I had
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: two weeks off work and I got to sit and
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: watch sport with my with my kids sleeping on me,
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: and it was a really nice period that baby bubble afterwards,
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: those first two to four weeks, I loved it. I
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: think what I wasn't prepared for was the responsibility of
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: being a parent and realizing that this feeling doesn't go away.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: You know, you are now responsible for this kid for
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: the next at least eighteen years, and you will worry
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: about them in the same way your parents did of
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: everything they do. And I think about all the things
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: I did as a kid, and I think, oh, I
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: grew up in a relatively strict household where I couldn't
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: just go and do anything I wanted. And I think
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: my parents were probably too lenient on me. Now that
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: I think about all the things that I did, and
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: would I want my kids doing what I did? Know,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: I don't think I would, you know, And that scares
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: the shit out of me. I got two boys, and
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I think, if they've got the crazy side of me,
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: they're going to do some crazy stuff. And I used
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: to do a lot of crazy stuff, and I just
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: don't anymore because I used to feel that people go, oh, well,
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: you ride a motorbike or I used to. I used
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: to be into a hobby of mine was canyoning. What
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: ca Yeah, Me and a group of mates got heavily
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: into canyoning for a while. I don't know if you
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: know what that is.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: It's like, why don't you take a canyon for the
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: first day.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: So canyoning is where you go like you can do
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: it in the Blue Mountains in New South Wales and
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: you ab sail into the kind of crevice between where
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: two mountains me and you go into what is this
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: avatar land and you have to the only way in
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: and out is often ab sailing down and down and down,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: and you then kind of have to walk yourway's there's
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: a lot of free climbing rocks, there's a lot of
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: ads sailing, there's a lot of swimming. You're jumping into
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: pools of water where you don't know how deep they
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: are from an incredible height. It's adventure to the max
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: and it is the most incredible experience. And we started
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: off with beginner ones and we kind of started to
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: work our way up. The last one we did we
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: actually end up getting lost in and had rescue helicopters
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: out looking for us. We just never came home. Oh shit,
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: I didn't rock up to work on Monday. We were
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: on a Sunday. Six of us lost in the mountain news.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: It didn't make the news. Everyone survived, but anyway, So
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: like I'll do stuff like that, and people would say
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: to me, doesn't not worry that you're riding a motorbike,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: or doesn't worry if you can jump out a plane,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: and doesn't like you hear all these stats about how
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: many people have died doing this or that, and I'll
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: be like this, I don't instructible, not not even I
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: actually thought I was very destructible, but like I could
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: live my life fearing what could happen, or I could
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: just live my life happy and die at the age
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: of thirty going fast on a motorbike and happy, And Okay,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: that's that's the way I was meant to go. And
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: I kind of had told myself that that if that's
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: the way I'm meant to go, then that's the way
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: I meant to go. I wasn't trying to be brave.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: It wasn't bravery, Like I was very careful and I
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: didn't do stupid things like in terms of like if
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I rode a motorbike, I wrote it properly, and I
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: wasn't right like an idiot, but like it was just
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: that's life. I want to live my life with the
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: things that I want to do, and I never imagine
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: changing that, because that's the way you always are, And
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: for thirty something years of my life, that's how I was.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: And then one day I'd be like that and my
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: brain would go through that process of going that's all
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: and I, oh, wait a minute, No, if I leave,
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: my kids have got no one, they don't have a dad.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: My wife's on her own trying to take care of
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: two kids. I've got a second income and da da
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: da dadaha. And that for me was like whoa Like
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't expect that. And as a result, I've done
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: nothing crazy since I've I haven't gone Kenyoning, I don't
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: ride a motorbike.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: It's the fact that you know, I'm getting towards forty,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: so you know, as you get older you experience people
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: passing away around you. Or if it's the fact that
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: now you have to think of mortality because you got
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: these little kids. If it's a combination of the two,
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I think about my mortality is so much
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: more since becoming a dad, and I'm like, you know,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: if I'm not here, you know, they what they think
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: of me as their dad if I'm not around.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: Totally like that, and that responsibility is never going to
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: leave you. I think there's this thought that, oh, okay,
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: they're little babies now I just need to keep them
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: alive for the next few months, right, And then they
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: get to toddlers and they start running and you're like, okay,
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: now they can run in the pool and off the edge.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: We just need to get through this little toddler face
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: where they're not quite conscious. And then you can't keep
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: telling yourself you just need to get through this phase.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: And then I start thinking, I'm like, shit, what was
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: I doing at eighteen years old? I was at festival's damn,
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: who knows what? Like I'm going to be worrying then,
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: and I put myself in my I'm definitely like my
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: mom my. Mum is a warrior and she would till
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: to this day. My mom will call me if I've
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: got the flu six times a day. Are you okay?
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: Have you had your lemon? And honey? Oh man, I'm
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: thirty eight years old, Like it's okay, I'm not going
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: to die, It's everything's fine.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Like I'm coming over there.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: I think I'm going to be that dad. I think
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be calling him aut like thirty is coming.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: It's everything Okay, do you make it home all right?
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: And like, you know, that real level of responsibility. I
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: just didn't think that would ever be me, but it is. Yeah.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: It's funny, isn't that where your mind shift changes so much?
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: Where Yeah, at nineteen to into my twenties felt fearless
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: in some respects, but then now I'm like, oh shit, yeah,
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: like you Like, it's funny when you're in that moment
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: you sort of picture them a bit, yeah, like oh yeah, okay.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: You don't really like you don't matter anymore in a way,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: like it's not that you don't matter, but like you're
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: not the center of that decision. Yeah, you know, and
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: before you were, you were the said to her, I
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is my life. I do it
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: the way that I want.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You mentioned your mum before. Tell us a little
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: bit about the relationship with your mum.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: So my mum, I think you know, has always been
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: a very caring, loving, patient sort of mum. I think
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: you know I mentioned before. Having the love of your parents'
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: is luck, and being born into that is really lucky.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I think when I look at my upbringing, a lot
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: of confidence was driven through my mom. I couldn't do
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: wrong in my mom's eyes. My mum always had my back.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: You can do anything you put my mind to your mind,
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: sign you do it. And I think that's really understated
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: in society at the moment, like to be giving your
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: kid that confidence. I think there's a lot of confidence issues.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: And again, having two boys, there's a lot of youth
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: suicide amongst young men. And I think black people always
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: asking what do you want for your kids? Like, if
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: there's one thing I say, like I can give my kid,
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: one thing would be self confidence because again, like you know,
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: I grew up with immigrant parents, midly some background in
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: a country that didn't really love middle some people growing up,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: and I was short. I was chubby as a kid
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: as well. You know, like if I didn't have self confidence,
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: and I'll tell you, like I had a lot of
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: self confidence, no one would have ever gone on poor Matt.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: I was always self confident, and I took that for grant.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I just thought that was how I was built. But no,
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: I was built that way by my parents giving me confidence.
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: And my mom was very very good in that. She
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: made me always feel like, you know, I've got what
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: it takes and I've got everything that I need.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You might not know the answer to this question, but
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I'll try. And Malak, was there any activity that you
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: were going to attempt that your mom was like, you
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: can do this. It sticks out as.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: A core memory, nothing in terms of like an actual
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: kind of big moment or anything. But she would be
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: the person who helped me study a lot of the time.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: So I'd write all my notes from my exam and
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: then she would have them in front of her and
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: I'd try to memorize them or to recite them, and
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: she would give me the answers and so like she'd
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: be like, Okay, you can do it. You can do it.
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: You've got man, how am I going to remember all
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: these answers? So she would help me through exams and
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: things like that, be like, you've got it. You're gonna remember,
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: You're gonna remember so HC exams and you tend school
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: certificate stuff. Just being in my mom's room, she's in
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: bed and she just got all my notes, but just
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: throw random questions out at me.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: She's like your biggest Yeah, yeah.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: And so is that how you think you want to
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: parent your boys?
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I think telling them I can't is not in
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: the vocabular and you know, with hard work and intention,
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: you can do anything. And I think the immigrant mentality
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: in that way is really really strong, and I don't
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: want to lose that because that's how we're brought up.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: So we came to this country with absolutely nothing. My
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: grandfather came with a suitcase and went door knocking and
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: knocking on doors and selling random things out of a
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: suitcase to people in their homes, built up enough money,
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: opened up a fruit and vegetare, then made heaps of
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: money from that fruit and vegetare, and then unfortunately died
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: in his fifties getting run over outside of that fruit
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: and vegetare before I ever got to meet him. But like,
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: that sort of mentality is like what I was brought
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: up on. My dad was a car salesman. I didn't come,
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: I didn't had nothing fed to me, but I was
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: always told with hard work and intention, I can do
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: what I want. And I've gone through a corporate career
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: where I had the privilege of leading big groups of
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: people and people got to oh, I can't do this
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: or we've got this. I was like, no, you can.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: Actually You've got every think you need, like if you
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: just work hard, that's all you need. Not you don't
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: need a You don't need it, particularly in what will do.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: I worked in advertising and marketing. You don't need a degree. Like,
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: it doesn't actually make it. I've got a degree, it
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: doesn't make it any better at your job. And so
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: it's like, you've got everything you need, just work hard,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: good intentions.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: It's hard when you come from generations where they've had
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: to work so hard to get where you are now
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: and you're finally at a point where you're really comfortable.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: You're like, I want to give my kids what I
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: didn't have the luxury of having, but at the same time,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: I want to have a bit of resilience. Yes, well
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: It's a hard balance between those two things. And I
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: think about this all the time, Like.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: My kids are like I want rollerblayers, and I'm like, sure.
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: Exactly, yeah, And I'm the same, like we spoil our kids.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: I think I've spent literally ten thousand dollars on Pokemon
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: cars recently, Like, yeah, seriously, I don't know you even
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: sure if I'm exaggerating with that, right, No.
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: I'm with you, and I know exactly you are not exaggerating.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: I bought him a thing the other day that was
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: three hundred bucks a box. He's like the Charizard e
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: xbox cool, Like, you know, I'm still in this thing
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: where it's like, yeah, their cards, like how much could
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: they be? And I was like three hundred. I was
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: like what how much are these? Like three hundred bucks
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: are like Jesus, Okay, I've gone too far. I've said, yes,
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: you've gotten off the shelf. So yeah, there is a
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: little bit of that, but I always think, okay, like
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: because my dad was definitely the disciplinarian of my two parents,
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: and I think you need that as well, right, And
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: like you know, I was. I was scared of my
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: dad until I was an adult, and then once I
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: became an adult, our relationship blossom because I kind of,
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: you know, I was old enough to have that. But
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: as a kid, I was like, don't mess with the dad,
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: Like dad will f me up, you know. So so
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: part of me is always like, okay, so I need
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: I am the disciplinarian out of Sarah, and I Sarah's
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: so like loving and sweet all the time, which I
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: love about her. So I'm like, I don't want my
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: kids to be scared of me because I want to
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: have a relationship before they're adults. But at the same.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Time times easier, but at the same.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: Time it's like I want them to have some form
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: of discipline and not and build that resilience of not
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: getting everything they want and having to put two feet
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: in front of each other to figure it out themselves.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: This week, while Thereah has been away, there's been like
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: the recycling has piled up. I posted this the other day.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: I was like, guys, we're taking out the rubbish. They're like, yeah,
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: what do you mean by that? Like we are taking
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: out the rubbish.
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: I'm not sure that through that, And so like my little.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: Ones two and a half, he's like getting piled up
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: with boxes. He's like, what is happening here? And then
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: I've just piled them up and they're walking down the
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: hallway to the front and they're dropping them everywhere.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: But I'm like four year olds used to sweep chimneys you.
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: Take out of the cardboard.
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: Last night it was like bedtime. I'm like, okay, every
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: toy in the living room back into the bedrooms now,
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: and they were like, right, like what do you mean,
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: like malicks, Like I'm only doing my toys. I'm like, no, no, no,
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: you miss you missed the memo. Like you guys are
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: picking up every toy that currently exists in the living
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: room and putting it in your bedroom until then there
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: is no milk, right, And so it's just like so
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: like there is this levelhold yeah, because like I feel
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: like there's it gets to a point where it's just
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: too easy for him. Everything gets done for him. I
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: had to clean my own room. These days, kids don't
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: clean their room. We've got a cleaner that comes once
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: a week. I'm like, no, I want them to clean
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: their own room at least tidy.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: Like we've got some house rules now we've implemented, and
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: it is after we play, we tidy what we play with.
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: They forget that.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Every time, they'll forget it within a couple of minutes.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, it doesn't it doesn't actually
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: enter their brain, Like you have to really remind them.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if I forgot any of my uniform, if I
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: lost the hat at primary school, like a couple of
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: beating and like you get shamed for it, Like I
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: remember Marley was the first week and like where's your hat?
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: To the cock.
• 41:57
  Speaker 5: And then you had a surpluss of hats.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: It's like to Laura, I'm like, should made the kids
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: scared of us a bit more? Should we should?
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: We could go wrong?
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: Like what do you think of kids these days swearing
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: at their parents? That's like if I said fuck you
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: to my mom or my dad, see you later.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Because I lived with my mom, so my mom was
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: always like if you never would have said that to
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: me when you were younger, And yeah.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: I think like me growing up, my parents never swore,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: so I used to swear, not around them. I used
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: to get in trouble for it because I didn't. I
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: would rebel with that. I have not stopped swearing, and
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I made a point, you can. You're going to change
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: me so much this part of my life. You're not changing,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: so shut the fuck up. And I've lived by that,
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: and my kids know. They've never sworn at me. I
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: think Oscar called April once a dirty little rat. Other time.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: That's hurtful, like ashy bash, he swears a lot.
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: Did you ever do that thing that it was happening
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: on social media where you get you leave your kid alone?
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: And just see what I did that with Malika when
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: he was three, and I was gobsmacked. I could not
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: believe it. He He's the sweetest kid at my older side,
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: and I'd never heard him swear. And I left you
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: in the room or I said to you, look, if
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: you need to swear, say whatever you want to get
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: it out of your system now. But after I come
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: back in no more. And I was thinking I was
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: going to get like poo poo, and we were at
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: that age and the first thing that came out of
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: his mouth when I watched the video back was fucking
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: now like and it even sounded like my dad. My
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: dad heard it and goes, I'm in trouble here, because.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like mum. When we did it with Oscar,
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: it would just I was like, that sounds exactly like you.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Baby was fu sake, Fu sake. And it was like
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: this weird like fu sake, Like she wasn't.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Shoulders up.
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: Like you fucking dog.
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: I was shocked, coldn't believe. But we always say to hear,
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: you're not going to get in trouble for swearing around us.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: But swearing makes some people feel uncomfortable, so don't swear
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: in front of other people. You can swear at home
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: in the right context at times, or don't swear arount
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: other people, that's right, and definitely do not swear the
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: intent at mumble. If he ever swore at us would.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Be a different story.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: Sometimes you just got to get it out.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for me is every second.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: It's just the attitude of my kids. Do you want
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: to clean your room? They're like, fine, that's as bad
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: as swearing.
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: You might right up.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I think it was two twenty three, after you'd already
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: had your your son, you guys experienced a miscarriage. Can
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: you remember what it was like trying to deal with
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: that situation.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're always kind of conscious of. We had a
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: lot of friends who had gone through miscarriages and family
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: as well, so we're always kind of conscious of. Even
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: before we started trying. And I remember before we started
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: trying for kids, we were like, Okay, we're going to
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: do everything right. We decide we're going to try I'm
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: going to go to the naturopath. We're gonna get all
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: our like vitamins checked probably over sharing here, but like
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: Sarah didn't have like a regular cycle either, so we
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: wanted to kind of understand what that meant. And I
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: remember going to the naturopath and we had this meeting,
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: and she was like, yeah, so it kind of means that,
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: like you've probably got two days every three months where
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: you guys can feel pregnant. And I was like, holy shit,
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: I've spent my whole adult life trying not to get
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: people pregnant.
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: It's this hard, strange.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: So I remember thinking, like hearing that, going okay, this
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: is normal.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: What's normal for the window?
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: I think four or five days, and like two days
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: is like peak time, and then the other two days
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: like not peak time, right, and so like.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: I just had a funny for three men sitting around
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: talking about it.
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: There three guys at a pub, and.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: So so I remember saying that and thinking, okay, well
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: we could like be trying for a long time here.
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: And then thankfully, we felt pregnant pretty quickly after we'd
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: kind of gotten we took our chance essentially, and it
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: was all good, and we'll remember thinking we're really relieved,
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: and then after that it kind of escaped us. We
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: were like, okay, well we feel pregnant pretty quick and
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: we're really blessed for that. And then when we had
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: the second you kind of just go to the second going, oh,
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: we've been through all this before, and you're a lot
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: more chill about things, and you think, you know, the
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: female body's gone through the process, it's going to be easy.
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: And then had a miscarriage after telling our family, which
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: you know, we told them a lot sooner this time,
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: and all those things because we were a lot more
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: relaxed about it.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: How many weeks Sarah was.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: Nine weeks, ten weeks, relatively early on, and knowing that
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: kind of had happened to a lot of people with
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: my family and friends, and I think, just being the
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: type of person I am, I went into let's see it.
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: We're good, don't worry. This happens all the time. And
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: all the stats. Sarah always when we go flying, she's
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: not a great fly. She's like, read me the stats.
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: The stats. I'm like, you're more likely to die with
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: the sharks, You're more likely that like turbulence is normal.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: This is I just read all these flight stats and
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: she feels better. I had to record it for her
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: trip to Paris. I send her an audio note going,
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: please keep this in case of emergency. She said she
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: used it on the way anyway. So I go into
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: like solution mode. So I'm like, don't worry, like we'd
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: move on and DA and I was kind of like
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: really just brushing it under the carpet. And it wasn't
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: until like hindsight's a great thing, but like afterwards and
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: having a conversation with Sarah about it, that I realized
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: I probably didn't handle it too well. I was probably
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: too solution focused. She just wanted someone to listen, take
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: it in, just tell her she's going to you know, yeah,
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: like maybe just yeah, like let the let her have
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: the moment to grieve and and not be okay with
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: it and not try to pretend it was nothing and
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: it's common and not provide a solution. And I didn't
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: at the time. I definitely handled it wrong. And we
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: had a conversation about it afterwards, and I kind of
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: came to the realization. I was like, yeah, no, you're right,
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: I went into default mode.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: And do you think you were trying to protect yourself
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: at all?
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: I think so, yeah, there's definitely an element of that,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: like trying not to think about it and move on.
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: I try not to let myself get ever too high
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: or too low, like I feel like for me personally,
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: I try to stay even killed and I don't get
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: carried away with the winds and I try to move
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: on from the losses pretty queen and go, oh, it's
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: not going to get any worse than this. We just
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: got to move on things that can only get better.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: So I kind of tried to apply that to her
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: way of thinking, and she's obviously feeling something very different
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: to me. And yeah, I think it's not that I
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: was obviously HEARDing about it, but I felt like my
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: role in that scenario was to be strong, and I
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: was trying to play my role to be strong because
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: I think if I fell then it'd make it worse
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: for her. That's at least what was going through my head.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: But I think she just wanted someone to grieve with her.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: It's sort of like a reflect right where you like,
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: I try and solve the problem when sometimes you just
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: got to sit with them in it just being heard
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: without the problem solving. It's so like I said, it's
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: such a reflex. Yeah, I'll solve this problem like totally.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: And when it comes to health stuff, I'm actually not
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: the better of the two of us. Like we both
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: play our roles in different parts of our lives, and
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: she's the rock in some things and I'm the rock
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: and other things, and when it comes to health, she's
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: actually a lot better than me when the kids are sick.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: And you know, Maley had a really severe arm break
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: at the end of last year, and you know, she
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: was handling a lot better than I. I couldn't look
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: at the kid like it was devastating. His arms snapped
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: in half from the elbow lost at daycare, which is
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: even more frustrated. And yeah, like she handles that stuff
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: much better than me. So I felt like, Matt, this
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: is a health thing now, like we've just had a miscarriage.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: Don't be a dick. Keep your shit together. She's gonna
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: need you. She's going to be very like upset about this.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: And so I was like extra trying to like keep
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: my shit together for her. But that's not what she wanted.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, how did you find the anxiety then of
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: trying a game?
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think I had anxiety about it. I
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: think I knew that we'd already had a kid, and
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: I knew that we could have children. And I think
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: that for me is what I just kept telling myself,
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: and that this has happened. And you know, I've got
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: siblings who have gone through the exact same thing. So
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: I never thought in my mind that this is like
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: I'm now doom and we're not going to have our
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: second trial. It didn't cross my mind, so I wasn't
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: feeling anxiety in that way, but it crossed our mind
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: once you felt pregnant at the second time. Those first
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: twelve weeks especially, we were a lot more kind of
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: on edge, which like the first time you are right,
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: always there's a little bit of nervousness. So that nervousness
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: came back, and I think it stayed with us for
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: the rest of the pregnancy, up until kind of the
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: later stages and we started to feel a bit more
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: comfortable again. So yeah, it was more the nervousness rather
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: than like, ah, we're going to fall pregnant again, and
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: I think we're okay with that.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: There are there are many ways where men are very
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: lucky in comparison to women. We had two miscarriages, and
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I think the big difference is the grief stays well
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: for Laura anyway, with her for a lot longer than
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: it did for me, because I'm lucky in that you know,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: you deal with it, but then you can distract yourself
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: and get your mind off it. Whereas with Laura it
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: was with A twenty four to seven.
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: It's part of her, right, Yeah, it's the difference. It's
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: like it's physically part of her, you know, And I
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: think that is that is different comes part of your
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: like being.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I think it's a good thing, though you say we
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: almost like it was a bad thing. We said we
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: told people early, and I always think tell people earlier.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: I think it's such a benefit. You think it's a
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: burden to be like, hey, what's wrong. You're like, well,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: we felt pregnant and then we've lost the baby to
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: tell them all the details and it's easy just to
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: be like everything's fine. But being forced into telling people
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: like unfortunately we lost the baby, that in itself is
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: quite healing.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: I agree. I totally agree with that. Like we obviously
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: told people our closest family and friends, thinking that, you know,
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: everything was going to be good, But when it wasn't good,
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: it was so much better because we had the support
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: network of everyone. We didn't We didn't need to go
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: and tell them this bad news. It was kind of
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: just like, this is what's happened, and they already knew
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: where we were at. And I think it was a
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: really nice to have that, So, yeah, I agree with you.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many people that like suffer in silence.
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: I remember like when we fell pregnant with our first
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: and it was like, oh, you can't tell anyone until
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: X amount of time, and it's like, well, like that's
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: going to make a difference what the outcome is going
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: to be. I would much rather be like, hey, Mum
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: and dad, we're actually expecting were this and this far along,
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: and then if something does happening, was that Unfortunately, this
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: is like you said, where we're at and they can
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: they're not getting hit with oh wait a minute, she
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: was pregnant and then this you know.
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: Like there's still this weird shame attached to it and
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: I don't understand why. Like it wasn't actually until we
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: had a miscarriage that I found out my own family
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: and friends had had miscarriages and just never said anything. Yeah,
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: And I was like I told whoever wanted to listen
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: at the time, because anyone I saw during that period
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: like how are things, this is what's happening. I know that,
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: like not everyone is open book. I'm a relatively open
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: book person. I'll just share things I don't really care.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: But I found it strange that, like some of my
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: closest people had never mentioned it, and they had kind
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: of suffered in silence and thought, why, like there's no
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: shame in it. But this is particularly now in our
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: society where we're starting to have kids a lot later.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: It happens so often. Why wouldn't you like tell people
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: and get it off your chest a little bit and
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: not suffer in silence.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: It was like with Woods, he like a bunch of
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: his footy teammates that he spent every day with, We're
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: all going through a similar thing with like trying to
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: fall pregnant, ivy for this sort of stuff, and no
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: one knew until like one day someone mentioned in the
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: change room. Then all of a sudden, then everyone's banded together.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: It's like, well, can't we learn something from that?
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: Can we learn that? Like?
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: Like what are you hiding this from? Like you're not
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: gonna be I'm not gonna sit here and and shame
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: you about something that you can't control.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: The next generation don't know how good they're going to
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: have it thanks to us. Howda you mention this a
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: little bit earlier to touch upon it again? When you're
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: boys they're all grown up, they're no longer living at
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: home with you and Sarah. What is the one thing
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: you want them to remember about the house they grew
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: up in?
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: Oh? Wow, I want them just to think of it
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: fondly as the place where they had the best times.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: I think of my childhood in my house and the
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: house that I grew up in, and it was a
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: place of just family connection, where we swam in the
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: pool together and played basketball at the front, and it's
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: where me and my siblings and cousins and family had
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: the best time. And I just want them to think
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: of that place as their home, like that, that home
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: where they had all those core memories of all the
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: greatest times with their family. So that's really it.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: They're very lucky.
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: Thanks, You've just had a third how's that going?
• 54:44
  Speaker 5: Hell, she's a dream baseer.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: I spent a few I spent a few days with
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: them over the New Years, and she I forgot she
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: was there. She's so quiet.
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: So you've had You've had three girls, right? And I
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: always get asked this question having had two boys, like
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: when you're gonna have the girl? When you're gonna have
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: the girl? Is that what led for you? To go
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: for the third thinking that you're going to have a boy.
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: He's a shallows, a shallow.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I don't know, I've seen it. It's brilliant.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: I don't think you ever feel complete. I think there's
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: always that sense of like, maybe one more, but after two,
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: I just think we just weren't quite ready to like
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: completely like shut up shop.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: You didn't take the decision lightly. It took a while
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: for decision, and I look, honestly, I was pro no baby,
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: but now like stoked.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: The hardest thing was telling Ash that is it's been
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: a pleasure having you.
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: On, so nice to be here, so good to chat
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: to you too.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks for taking the time, and best of luck
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: with the rest of the solo parent.
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: You know. I look at Matt and there was one
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: thing that doesn't spring to mind.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: Ash.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: It's the fact that I would never pick them as
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: a canyoner.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Is it a canyon canyonist?
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I'm a canyonist.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but I was interest.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: That's a surprise package. It is who would have thought?
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: Not me?
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: Who would have thought? I mean, I feel like I
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: feel like I should have been in the canyoning.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: He also told the story of how we met Sarah
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: very It was a very good story. It was like
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: a movie. I was involved. At one point, I was like,
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: like it was like a thriller. It was like it
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: happened to be the same.
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: It made it sound like they didn't get together. At
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: one point I was like, but how they've got two kids.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I was great. But if you have enjoyed this episode,
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: we would absolutely love it. Matt would also love it
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: as well if you would give us a review, just
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: a couple of words, a little comment, one word, two words,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: ten words, whatever you feel like, either on Spotify or
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: on Apple podcast and ash. They can also follow us
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: on social media.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, Dad's Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and we have a bustling
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: Facebook group. If you want to join that gopher.
• 57:06
  Speaker 5: We'll accept you.
• 57:06
  Speaker 7: We'll take anyone or we'll be fine out Bye.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land,