Latest / Ok But Are You Good? / Outgrowing People Isn’t Easy, But It’s Real

Transcript

Outgrowing People Isn’t Easy, But It’s Real · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we check in on ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Lately, I've been in my fields a little bit.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's just been a lot going on, a lot of changes.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to really like hone in and live my best life, right?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I've just noticed that my friendships have been changing.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's been no argument, no like I'm never talking to them again.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just seeing people in my life in a different way.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it comes with, I've had a lot of like life changes.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the marathon was a big deal for me.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And support for that matters.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: So just looking back, it's like who's texting you on your birthday?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Some people don't care.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I do care because I remember pretty much everyone's birthdays, and I never miss a birthday unless the world is ending or something.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And what I, as I mentioned, like I'm trying to really focus on my mental health and just like be good, like mentally.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's making me reevaluate some friendships, relationships I have in my life.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna dive into that this week.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think one thing that's challenging with this is that when nothing actually happens, like no argument, no moment that actually happens where you're like, yeah, I'm over this friendship.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's more just like a feeling and like an understanding of the other person that like your lives are changing.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: You might just not be aligned anymore.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your priorities are different.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're all growing up, we're getting older, we're at different stages of our lives.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's not as easy as it was when we're in school and all doing the same stuff.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you got people getting married, having kids, starting businesses, going back to school, like just focused on work.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's living their lives how they want to live their lives, hopefully.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I'm pretty self-aware.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very observant of my surroundings.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I paid, I'm I notice when energy shifts, people don't feel as connected.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're not wishing me happy birthday.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're not congratulating me on my big life moments, you're just not there.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like if I continue to show up for you and you're not showing up for me, this ain't working out, babes.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like we gotta shift something.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's okay.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's okay to not talk to your friends as much anymore or whoever.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's okay to not have to spend time with certain people anymore.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because why am I gonna prioritize you if you're not prioritizing me?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're not putting any effort.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been sad over that, that relationships change, but then I just realized like, why does it matter?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I care when you obviously don't care?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: That we don't talk anymore, we don't hang out anymore, we just we're not vibing anymore.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's okay.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I still wish who like everyone in my life well.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're just not friends, if we if you just don't want to hang out with me anymore, that's okay.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I've lost friendships of four, and I'm I I've been good, you know?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my marathon like was such a big thing for me.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it did matter who was cheering me on, who was supportive, who reached out.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like those little things matter.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like people remembering and texting me happy birthday on my birthday.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It matters.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I know we all don't use Facebook anymore.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not posting online, like people forget.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Totally get it.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I'm one of those rare people that just remembers everyone's birthdays.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's like pros and cons to that.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the con is that like I can't have the expectation that everyone's gonna remember my birthday or whatever celebration.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: But as I've mentioned before, people show up when they want to show up.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: They'll put the effort in.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: My best friend, like, I think I've barely talked to her about the marathon, and she still made the effort to schedule a text at 5:30 in the morning and congratulate me and wish me luck.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I was like, dang, like she got up so early and she's like, I'm not up.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is a scheduled text.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just learned about those two.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I might as well be like a hundred years old.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it just meant a lot.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I had my friend's sister text me, and my other friend text me, just like it it was it meant the world.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, shout out to you guys, and it just people looking out, you know?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that's asking for too much.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Don't they always say like you want people there for you, or you gotta pay attention for who's there for you in your high moments and your low, you know, like you got to see who's supporting you and who's there when you're not doing your best.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm very aware of my surroundings, of people's vibes for the most part.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not like acknowledging me, if you're not asking about my family or like stuff that you should know that's going on in my life, I take that as like you don't care, that you don't prioritize this friendship, that you're too self-involved, and fine, that's okay.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to not make the effort as much because why?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too old for this.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Life is too short, man.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I am just gonna keep doing what I'm doing.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't want to be a part of my life, that is okay.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to have some big fight.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I just I'm accepting that life changes, you're not gonna get invited to everything, people don't want you around.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, then you shift and you don't surround yourself that with people that don't want to be with you, that people that that don't make the effort.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think when we're kids, it's not that easy, especially where how I grew up, I was around the same like 30 kids for years.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can't really like escape them.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you kind of just make the effort, hope for the best.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: But now that I'm older, I'm tired of making the effort.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: If I feel like you're taking advantage of me in my friendship, of like me going out of my way for you, and it's not reciprocated all the time.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know it's give and take in relationships, but I'm gonna get burnt out and start to look at you in a different light.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, one thing no one can tell me is that I'm never gonna go out of my way for others.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it sucks when people just keep taking from you and it's not reciprocated.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why it's okay to not have everyone in your life all the time anymore.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're like me and you've hit like a groundbreaking moment or just like a change in your life, and you're like, our values don't align anymore.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wasting too much energy, and I feel self-conscious about our relationship that you don't actually like me.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're just using me for whatever circumstance to get what you want and you don't actually care about me, I'm gonna shift, I'm gonna change, like I'm gonna be like, this ain't aligning anymore, bro.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like we gotta, we gotta mix this up because it just leaves me sad because my friends mean everything to me.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not looking out for me, then I might not, I'm gonna stop learning looking out for you.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there is some guilt with this of like, oh, maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe it's all in my head, or what did I do wrong that they're treating me like this?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Did something shift?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I just I question myself, I guess.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: You question what am I doing?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because nothing's technically wrong, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's gonna be like, oh, you're too dramatic, but something definitely doesn't feel right if we're not hanging out, we're not talking, we're not doing things that we used to do.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just, you know, maybe it's as simple as people change.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And with change, that comes with you outgrow people.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really what this is.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's certain people that have outgrown me or I've outgrown them.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's sad, but you know, you're not talking to them ever.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Less emotional investment, like how I said, like the bare minimum, wishing me a happy birthday or wishing me congrats or good luck on a on a big life event like my marathon.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Those minimal things, they're not showing up.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It just shows me you don't care, you don't value this, and it's hurtful because I do still care.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't love cutting people out of my life, I don't love distancing myself.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when I get to that moment where I'm like, they just don't care and I'm more upset about it than I need to be, I'm like, maybe I just need to stop hanging out with these people because relationships change, people change, and relationships aren't always gonna stay the same.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's I believe that, but then I don't because I have so many friendships from when I was five years old.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: One of my best guy friends, I literally never talk to him, but I know the second we see each other, it's gonna be like no time has passed because we're just that locked in because I've known him since I was five.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I digress.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not all relationships are like that.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: They're just for a season, they're just for the old version of you, not this new version.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's why I have noticed some of these friendships are dwindling, that like we're just not meant to be in each other's lives.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: We're not meant to be friends anymore.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's on being a grown-up, man, an adult, just like realizing like not wasting your time on people that don't deserve it, not not being so upset and thinking about it, knowing that these people aren't thinking about you at all.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't care.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because if they cared, they'd reach out, they'd invite you out, they do whatever, they do what friends do.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the shift I'm starting to make is like not reaching out as much, not putting myself out there, not really making the effort if it's not reciprocated, not putting pushing my feelings aside because like I'm convinced it's all in my head, because I know it's not, because I know and witness energy shifts, because I don't want to hang out with anyone ever that makes me feel uncomfortable, unwelcomed, or unkind.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just I put up with that for so long in various times of my life, and I've just outgrown that.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've outgrown having to be uncomfortable around the people I love and the people I want to hang out with.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna feel guilty for changing.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna feel guilty for not making the effort and not putting myself out there where I'm unwanted because I know where I'm wanted, who values my friendships.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's just the sad reality of getting older and like people's lives changing, that like your friendships aren't always gonna look the same.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, I think this past year or like two years, like you know, after you get married and you have all your loved ones, and then you don't have this big event, like I've I've noticed stuff change, and it sucks because you're at such a prime happy time, and then the people that were there for you like aren't there for you anymore all the time, and it it's just it's sad, but that's life, baby.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's just how it is, and maybe just people can't show up for you as much as you thought they could.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been feeling a shift in your friendships, you're not alone.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I will always be right there, I guess.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not doing anything wrong, you're just becoming more aware of where you put your energy and more aware of your surroundings, more aware of what's going on.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that just means change has to happen.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure you check in with yourself this week and ask, okay, but are you good?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening in.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to like them, subscribe, and I'll see you all next week.