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56 | So Said Meatloaf and So Say I · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Oh hey gang.
• 0:01
  Eric: Didn't see you there.
• 0:03
  Eric: Sorry, it was just a little bit snuck in.
• 0:05
  Eric: We were a little little ruffled.
• 0:07
  Eric: Uh one of us sorry.
• 0:08
  Eric: One of us was being a bit of a diva.
• 0:12
  Eric: Spoiler.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was me.
• 0:15
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was being a handful.
• 0:19
  Eric: Yeah, you were being a handful.
• 0:21
  Eric: Yeah, uh, because Matt, sweet, beautiful, brilliant baby boy Matt that he is.
• 0:29
  Eric: That's me.
• 0:30
  Eric: He he puts together the Excel sheet for our episode.
• 0:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 0:34
  Eric: That we can both see and interact with, you know, all that good stuff.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 0:37
  Eric: And like before the show, we'll sit down and we'll look at all the lovely formatting he's done, and he's laid out all these like, how's this order for questions?
• 0:44
  Eric: And like on any other day, I'm like, this order is perfect.
• 0:50
  Eric: This is flawless.
• 0:51
  Eric: You've nailed it.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: But today, though.
• 0:54
  Eric: Yeah, but today?
• 0:56
  Eric: Yeah, you uh I don't want to be rude, but you were a real bitch about it.
• 1:01
  Eric: I was kind of a bitch about it because he was all like, Hey, how does this order look?
• 1:05
  Eric: And I was like, Oh, could you like I I could you switch two and three?
• 1:09
  Eric: I think they should just be switched.
• 1:11
  Eric: And like, that wasn't cool.
• 1:12
  Eric: I mean, it's really not that big a deal.
• 1:15
  Eric: I mean, I I did ask.
• 1:16
  Eric: He did you did, you did, but like, I didn't have to come at you like that, man.
• 1:20
  Eric: And like, I'm yeah, I I fucking love you, buddy.
• 1:24
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:25
  Eric: You know I love you, right?
• 1:26
  Eric: You know, you know you're on my team.
• 1:29
  Matt: First pick.
• 1:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:32
  Matt: First pick, no one has ever said that about me ever.
• 1:34
  Eric: First pick.
• 1:35
  Eric: First pick.
• 1:36
  Eric: I will point at you and I say, Yes, that boy over there with the beard to be on my kickball team, please.
• 1:43
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:45
  Eric: So we had our moment, we had our fight, we had our scuffle.
• 1:47
  Matt: Yeah, but that but then that this is where things got interesting is because then when I was moving things, you just started clicking on the cells that I was in.
• 1:58
  Eric: Because we each had our own little different colored cell.
• 2:01
  Matt: And I think the audience is aware of how a Google Doc works.
• 2:06
  Eric: Okay, but like, gang, I'm not I'm not fucking with you.
• 2:10
  Eric: I say it.
• 2:11
  Eric: We sat there for like two minutes while he was silent, dead silent, dead silent as I'm chasing him around the cell.
• 2:19
  Eric: He's not editing anything, he's not figuring.
• 2:21
  Eric: We're just we're no, I'm now just trying to get away from him.
• 2:25
  Eric: We were playing tag in a spreadsheet.
• 2:28
  Matt: In a spreadsheet, in silence, in just complete silence, and then and uh to be honest, I had the spreadsheet up in a different tab that is over the what we're recording in.
• 2:40
  Matt: So I wasn't even looking at you at this point.
• 2:42
  Matt: I was like playing a game in not Excel, in Google Sheets, clicking around as I'm being tormented, as I'm being pursued by a red uh red box.
• 2:55
  Eric: It was the best shittiest game of of tag I've ever played.
• 2:59
  Eric: And Matt, it's just it says something about our friendship when like that is where we're at.
• 3:04
  Eric: That we can just silently play Google spreadsheet excel tag for like two minutes.
• 3:09
  Eric: And I and Matt, I just I just want to say, you know, tag, because baby, you're it.
• 3:17
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:18
  Matt: Yeah, the friendship's definitely dying out at this point.
• 3:21
  Matt: I mean, it's it's definitely really shriveling up dead bedroom.
• 3:46
  Matt: The podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 3:50
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 3:51
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 3:53
  Matt: And this here, Mr.
• 3:55
  Matt: Poach and audience, is the 56th episode of You Didn't Ask For This.
• 4:01
  Matt: Eric, what do you have to say about that?
• 4:03
  Eric: 56?
• 4:04
  Eric: We're out of here still taking them licks.
• 4:07
  Eric: It's like, it's like, it's it's it's like we're we're like back.
• 4:10
  Eric: I didn't hear no bell, and like we're backed in the fucking corner, and like the other boxer is like, is like our downloads plateauing, and we're like, no, no, no, no.
• 4:20
  Eric: Bust through that that that download glass ceiling.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Break through.
• 4:25
  Matt: I don't know what this motion I'm making is supposed to be probably inappropriate uh for uh either of us to even reference breaking any kind of glass ceiling, but uh what why Matthew?
• 4:38
  Matt: I can't imagine.
• 4:39
  Matt: I can't imagine the problems.
• 4:41
  Matt: Uh I can't imagine what's wrong.
• 4:43
  Matt: Um, anyway.
• 4:45
  Matt: Oh, you old dog you.
• 4:47
  Matt: Uh, you know, I'm I'm a something.
• 4:49
  Matt: I'm what you could call a so-and-so.
• 4:52
  Matt: Oh.
• 4:53
  Matt: Oh, I don't even know what this show is starting out as.
• 4:57
  Matt: Say it isn't so.
• 4:59
  Matt: We started out talking first of all, we start about out silently, yep, pursuing one another on a Google sheet.
• 5:07
  Matt: Then we decide to talk about that as the opening of the show.
• 5:11
  Matt: And now, now what are we doing?
• 5:14
  Matt: We're just falling out of the gate at the beginning of the doing the best we can, baby.
• 5:18
  Matt: The first episode of 2023, and we have just we have just gone immediately off course.
• 5:25
  Matt: Happy New Year! Happy fucking new year, everybody.
• 5:30
  Matt: And thank you for for joining us again.
• 5:33
  Matt: New year, new mate.
• 5:35
  Matt: Oh, really?
• 5:36
  Matt: What what do you got planned?
• 5:37
  Eric: Oh, uh, you know, like uh like a I'm feeling like a like a comeback story, like a like a you thought he was out.
• 5:46
  Eric: Oh you thought you thought he was licked.
• 5:49
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:49
  Eric: And now I'm really getting behind.
• 5:51
  Eric: I I miss when we used to use the term licked for like getting your ass kicked.
• 5:55
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:55
  Eric: I think I'm gonna bring that back.
• 5:56
  Eric: I I think that's gonna be my new me, is like that's my that's my Cinderella comeback story.
• 6:01
  Eric: Is I'm gonna I'm gonna bring the term licked back into the common parlance to mean defeated.
• 6:07
  Eric: I think that's absolutely fantastic.
• 6:10
  Matt: Set smart goals.
• 6:12
  Matt: Set smart goals.
• 6:14
  Matt: I couldn't possibly agree with you more, but you were trying to grow out a mustache and now it's gone.
• 6:20
  Eric: Oh shit, that's right.
• 6:21
  Eric: Yeah, oh, oh, friends, kids, bring it in.
• 6:26
  Eric: Bring it in.
• 6:26
  Matt: Uh bring it in close, everybody.
• 6:28
  Eric: Oh, old old Uncle Poach.
• 6:30
  Eric: He tried, he gave the old college try.
• 6:33
  Matt: For the the longest time, you've had a beard, no mustache.
• 6:37
  Matt: Yes.
• 6:37
  Matt: Because you in recent weeks you you had a little mustache going for Matt.
• 6:42
  Eric: So let's let's talk about the rate my facial hair grows.
• 6:45
  Eric: The reason I I I do the beard no mustache is because my mustache grows at a rate of like an eighth of an inch a month.
• 6:54
  Matt: Like that is shaving, it was probably the wrong thing to do.
• 6:56
  Eric: I I know I know.
• 6:58
  Eric: But like, and my beard, my my my head hair is brown, my facial hair is red, my mustache hair is blonde.
• 7:10
  unknown: Wow.
• 7:11
  Eric: It it does and and every like year I have the same, I just go a couple weeks without shaving, and then I see him like, I'll give it the old, yeah, I'll give it a swing.
• 7:19
  Eric: Maybe this time, maybe he's changed.
• 7:22
  Matt: Maybe this time.
• 7:23
  Matt: Yeah, what and so no?
• 7:25
  Matt: No, it just it no mustache for Liza this time.
• 7:29
  Eric: I felt so I felt creeped out every time I looked in a mirror.
• 7:33
  Matt: You felt creeped out, you have the rest of the beard.
• 7:36
  Eric: I did, I did, but like it was like it was highlighted.
• 7:40
  Eric: It was it it felt like my mustache had so much attention drawn to it because it was blonde, like you couldn't not like wow, there it is.
• 7:49
  Matt: But don't you think that's like a unique look?
• 7:51
  Matt: Because you got this brown hair, you got this shaka red beard for some reason, and then you've just got uh a m a mystery mustache, a mysterious a mustache.
• 8:02
  Eric: I don't want people perceiving my mustache.
• 8:04
  Eric: I want a mustache, I want all the privilege of a mustache.
• 8:08
  Eric: I don't want people perceiving my mustache.
• 8:11
  Matt: Well, you don't get the privilege of a mustache if you don't have it.
• 8:16
  Matt: But why?
• 8:18
  Matt: Well, because you didn't put in the work, my friend.
• 8:21
  Matt: Uh it took me like two months to grow what little I had.
• 8:27
  Matt: And now you got nothing because you shaved it.
• 8:29
  Eric: I shaved it.
• 8:30
  Eric: I feel much better.
• 8:30
  Matt: You lacked the strength, you lacked the fortitude to to wield the mustache.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:38
  Matt: And now look at you.
• 8:39
  Matt: Look at you, the dead of winner with a bare upper lip.
• 8:42
  Eric: They had to give me a prosthetic mustache when we did a show in college, Matt.
• 8:47
  Matt: Yeah, Eric.
• 8:49
  Matt: Yes, I remember that, Eric.
• 8:50
  Matt: That's not uncommon.
• 8:53
  Matt: I know, but I was sensitive about it.
• 8:56
  Matt: Do you remember there was a show we did in college where I grew a goatee for it, and then they gave me hair to like extend the goatee, and then I had to take that shit out every fucking night.
• 9:08
  Matt: Took forever.
• 9:09
  Matt: I was like, why can't I just use, you know, put spirit gum on a and not have my hair here?
• 9:15
  Matt: Why can't I just have a fake beard like everybody else?
• 9:18
  Matt: If it they want this long because they put like gray in it, and I was like, can't we dye?
• 9:22
  Matt: Why don't you dye a mustache?
• 9:24
  Eric: So that was also a thing I had to do in college, because in college, my beard my beard hair was blonde, it was like strawberry blonde, couldn't see it from on stage.
• 9:33
  Eric: So like facial hair cannot decide what it is, it's a real identity crisis.
• 9:37
  Eric: You can't you can't lock this down.
• 9:39
  Eric: It's it's like it's duck and weaven.
• 9:41
  Eric: So like I had the bl I had blonde mutton chops, and every night before Macers, I'd have to color it in with fucking like mascara so it could be seen from on stage.
• 9:54
  Eric: It's my ritual.
• 9:55
  Matt: Oh, yeah, I remember you doing that stuff.
• 9:59
  Matt: Well, I think we're going down uh a a side street that is really of interest just to no one else but you and me.
• 10:06
  Matt: So maybe we should begin the actual program.
• 10:08
  Matt: Let's shave a little off.
• 10:09
  Matt: Let's shave a little off.
• 10:10
  Matt: One of us, one of us with a stash, and one of us without a stash, although I do have a beard, so I've always felt it a little strange to refer to a mustache with a beard.
• 10:20
  Matt: Like it's just part of the component.
• 10:22
  Matt: Mustache and beard.
• 10:23
  Matt: Because if I if you said if you were describing me to somebody, right?
• 10:26
  Matt: And you said, oh yeah, he's got a mustache.
• 10:30
  Eric: He's this menacing man with a menacing, kind of shifty, kind of shifty eyed.
• 10:35
  Eric: That's enough.
• 10:36
  Eric: You know, he Yeah, we're good.
• 10:38
  Matt: Sweaty.
• 10:39
  Eric: Yeah, we got it.
• 10:40
  Matt: Yeah, we got it.
• 10:41
  Matt: And you said, oh yeah, he's got a mustache, and then I walk in with the full beard.
• 10:45
  Matt: That you didn't properly describe it.
• 10:47
  Eric: That's a bad move on me.
• 10:48
  Eric: Like the cops are gonna arrest me at that point.
• 10:50
  Eric: They're like, they shouldn't.
• 10:51
  Eric: And well, they shouldn't do that, and like they're that's what they're saying to me as they push me to the back of the car.
• 10:57
  Eric: You can't do things like that.
• 10:59
  Eric: You gotta be more specific.
• 11:02
  Eric: God, I wish that's what cops were busting people over.
• 11:05
  Matt: This podcast has gone just straight.
• 11:09
  Matt: We were never on the rails with this episode.
• 11:12
  Matt: So let's firmly get on the rails, Eric.
• 11:14
  Matt: Let's answer some fucking questions, shall we?
• 11:17
  Matt: We shall.
• 11:18
  Matt: Question one! Yeah, these are in a great order, by the way.
• 11:22
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 11:23
  Matt: Ooh, can we just take a oh Dante theorized there were only nine circles of hell.
• 11:31
  Matt: What new ones should we add?
• 11:33
  Matt: And that comes from at MikePari Jr.
• 11:36
  Matt: on Instagram, good friend of the pod.
• 11:39
  Matt: Eric.
• 11:40
  Matt: Dante's inferno.
• 11:42
  Matt: Ah, yes.
• 11:43
  Matt: We all love it.
• 11:44
  Matt: We all love it.
• 11:45
  Matt: That was just the same thing over and over again.
• 11:47
  Eric: Abandon hope, all ye who enter this bit.
• 11:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Matt: Abandon all hope, ye who have made it this far into this particular episode.
• 11:56
  Matt: Now, listen, Eric, do you remember what the uh the outstanding circles are?
• 12:02
  Eric: Oh, the known circles?
• 12:04
  Eric: The known circles.
• 12:05
  Eric: I'm gonna throw, hold on.
• 12:07
  Eric: Let me see.
• 12:07
  Eric: I'm gonna see how close I get, because obviously I've not I did not research this at all, and you have clearly researched this at all.
• 12:14
  Matt: Obviously, I am staring at the list right now.
• 12:16
  Matt: So I got to see.
• 12:20
  Eric: Circle one.
• 12:21
  Eric: Okay.
• 12:22
  Eric: Circle one, that is lava.
• 12:26
  Eric: It's fire and lava.
• 12:29
  Eric: It's it's like a hot, it burns.
• 12:33
  Matt: I see what you're okay.
• 12:34
  Matt: I I was just going for like the name of them, really.
• 12:38
  Eric: Oh god damn, no.
• 12:40
  Matt: Like what's no, like what is representative?
• 12:44
  Matt: Like I I I'd have to read all these paragraphs to get all the particulars.
• 12:48
  Matt: Anyway, it's limbo.
• 12:50
  Eric: Oh yeah, well everyone knows limbo.
• 12:53
  Eric: Sorry.
• 12:54
  Eric: I thought, you know, that that I thought that was like circle zero.
• 12:58
  Eric: It's the preamble.
• 13:00
  Matt: No, it's in it's in fact circle one.
• 13:02
  Eric: Okay.
• 13:03
  Matt: And it uh it I'm just going through it now because you wanted me to.
• 13:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:07
  Matt: It does contain the unbaptized.
• 13:09
  Matt: Oh, right.
• 13:10
  Matt: And of note, the virtuous pagans.
• 13:13
  Eric: The virtue of the good ones.
• 13:15
  Eric: That's where the good ones go.
• 13:17
  Matt: Yeah, they weren't sinful enough to warrant damnation, but they didn't accept Christ.
• 13:22
  Matt: So into the first circle they go.
• 13:25
  Eric: All right.
• 13:25
  Matt: How about that?
• 13:26
  Eric: Second okay, that's right.
• 13:28
  Eric: Second circle.
• 13:30
  Eric: Second circle is like uh that's where they send all the the the that's where they send all the Presbyterians, but like the but like the the Scorpios.
• 13:43
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:44
  Matt: You're you're kind of in a way stumbling towards a correct answer.
• 13:48
  Matt: It's lust.
• 13:50
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, the horny folk.
• 13:52
  Eric: It's horny jail.
• 13:53
  Eric: It's horny jail.
• 13:54
  Matt: It's lust, yeah, for sure.
• 13:57
  Matt: Uh, some residents of the second circle include uh Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, Achilles, and Tristan.
• 14:10
  Matt: I feel like that's a whole other podcast for us to get in there.
• 14:14
  Matt: Third circle.
• 14:15
  Matt: Third circle, my guy.
• 14:17
  Matt: Third circle avarice.
• 14:20
  Matt: Gluttony.
• 14:22
  Matt: God damn it.
• 14:23
  Matt: The vile, putrid slush produced by a ceaseless, foul, and icy rain, a great storm of putrefication.
• 14:32
  Matt: Well, that doesn't sound very great.
• 14:34
  Matt: No, it doesn't sound great.
• 14:36
  Matt: Um uh and uh Cerberus is is hanging out here.
• 14:41
  Matt: The you know, this is where he's ready to he's gardening shit.
• 14:44
  Matt: You know, he's got them three heads, woofity woof.
• 14:47
  Eric: I like how in this book it's like the it's like the Abrahamic Christ god religion, but yeah, Greek, Greek dog monsters just hang it.
• 14:57
  Eric: So that is that is Dante's Inferno?
• 14:59
  Eric: Bro, do I look like I finished my English literature minor?
• 15:04
  Eric: Bro, did do you do look like you went to high school?
• 15:08
  Eric: Did we even have to read the inferno?
• 15:10
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 15:12
  Eric: I went to Glen Burney High School.
• 15:15
  Eric: Oh, here we go.
• 15:16
  Eric: I am a product of the Annerundel County Public School System.
• 15:21
  Matt: Okay, yeah.
• 15:23
  Matt: And so they so you know what were they teaching you in 12th grade there?
• 15:28
  Eric: Fucking the Babysitters Club and Well, no, I was I was always in AP Johnny Tremaine.
• 15:34
  Eric: The the the the real truth is I was always kind of bummed because uh I was I was always in like AP English classes, like advanced English classes, and uh the kids who weren't in the AP program got to read bitching books like Dante's Inferno, like Moby Dick, like fucking like kick-ass book.
• 15:54
  Eric: We had to read Wuthering Heights.
• 15:57
  Matt: Uh I I I I have run into this pro I am so sorry to interrupt you, but I can't hear the name without saying fuck Wuthering Heights.
• 16:07
  Matt: Fuck Wuthering Heights.
• 16:09
  Eric: I fucking hate Wuthering Heights.
• 16:11
  Eric: Bro, I think we got a circle of hell.
• 16:13
  Eric: The circle of hell is you just have to hang out with Emily Bronx.
• 16:16
  Matt: It's shocking to me, Eric, because you know, you you are a scholar of Shakespeare, yeah, a a lifelong dungeon masterone.
• 16:25
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 16:25
  Matt: And and yet you're telling me you haven't read any of the divine comedy, let alone skimmed it.
• 16:31
  Matt: You skimmed it.
• 16:32
  Matt: So you really are out here just guessing at this show.
• 16:34
  Eric: Oh, I am 100% guessing right now.
• 16:37
  Matt: All right, well then guess on the fourth.
• 16:38
  Matt: We're already taking way too long on getting through the show.
• 16:41
  Eric: We'll speedrun these.
• 16:42
  Eric: Just hit me with numbers.
• 16:44
  Eric: Four.
• 16:45
  Eric: Four uh sodomy.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: Greed.
• 16:51
  Eric: Okay.
• 16:52
  Eric: Five.
• 16:53
  Eric: Uh uh uh uh uh thieves.
• 16:57
  Matt: Thieves.
• 16:58
  Matt: After everything we've talked about so far, let me review real quick.
• 17:02
  Matt: We've got limbo, lust, yeah, gluttony, greed, and then you said thieves.
• 17:08
  Matt: Well, if a certain it'll be a certain kind of thief.
• 17:11
  Eric: Wrath.
• 17:12
  Eric: It's wrath.
• 17:12
  Eric: Okay.
• 17:14
  Eric: And the thief was you.
• 17:15
  Eric: You stole my heart, you son of a bitch.
• 17:16
  Eric: Um six.
• 17:19
  Eric: Ooh, six, we're gonna go with we're gonna go with adulterers.
• 17:24
  Eric: Heresy.
• 17:25
  Eric: Heresy.
• 17:27
  Eric: Seven, murder, violence.
• 17:30
  Matt: Hey, okay, yeah, you got one.
• 17:33
  Matt: That's solidly in there.
• 17:36
  Eric: That's solidly in there.
• 17:37
  Eric: Eight.
• 17:38
  Eric: Eight?
• 17:38
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 17:39
  Eric: Uh devil worship.
• 17:41
  Eric: Close.
• 17:43
  Eric: It's fraud.
• 17:44
  Eric: Oh, it's fraud.
• 17:47
  Matt: The worst fraud.
• 17:49
  Matt: Falsifying money, the worst of them all.
• 17:51
  Matt: Wow.
• 17:52
  Matt: That is worse than murdering people.
• 17:55
  Matt: And then and then, of course, we're up to nine.
• 18:00
  Matt: Oh, wait, I I'm hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 18:02
  Matt: I uh we're up to nine, so I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you something, okay?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 18:08
  Matt: The the final.
• 18:09
  Matt: This is the final.
• 18:10
  Matt: This is the deepest level of hell.
• 18:12
  Matt: Okay, and it the its most famous inmate.
• 18:16
  Matt: And I'm reading from Wikipedia.
• 18:18
  Matt: It says its most famous inmate, Judas Iscariot.
• 18:24
  Eric: Oh, traitors?
• 18:26
  Eric: Like treachery! Treachery good job, man.
• 18:31
  Eric: And thanks, Judas.
• 18:33
  Matt: Judas wins the day again.
• 18:36
  Matt: And then, of course, we have the center of hell, which is where Satan is sitting, sad in a lake.
• 18:42
  Matt: Yep.
• 18:43
  Matt: We've all seen the engraving of him sitting there.
• 18:46
  Matt: So those are the circles of hell.
• 18:48
  Matt: So let's talk about new wave circles of hell.
• 18:51
  Matt: Yeah, Dante got us this far, and now it's our job to elevate Dante's work.
• 18:58
  Eric: Dante punched the hole.
• 19:00
  Eric: Now we gotta scoop the meat.
• 19:02
  Eric: What?
• 19:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 19:04
  Eric: Okay.
• 19:05
  Eric: All right.
• 19:05
  Eric: You know what?
• 19:06
  Matt: Man, it's hell.
• 19:07
  Eric: We're gonna get nasty.
• 19:08
  Eric: You've got too phil.
• 19:10
  Matt: You've gotten too philosophical in your non-mustached days.
• 19:14
  Eric: First, I don't read enough divine comedy.
• 19:17
  Eric: Then I'm too philosophical.
• 19:19
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:20
  Matt: Well, it's un it's you know what it is.
• 19:22
  Matt: It's uneducated philosophy.
• 19:24
  Matt: The worst kind.
• 19:25
  Matt: Or maybe it's the best kind.
• 19:27
  Eric: Ooh, so that's that's uneducated philosophy.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Mmm, hmm.
• 19:31
  Eric: Burning man.
• 19:32
  Eric: That's that's essentially what that is.
• 19:34
  Eric: Um okay.
• 19:36
  Eric: All right.
• 19:36
  Eric: But I feel like we already have a circle of hell.
• 19:39
  Eric: We came up with it in that bit.
• 19:40
  Eric: Uh, there is a circle of hell where like you are forced to you are forced to read the Bronte sisters.
• 19:46
  Eric: Wethering Heights.
• 19:47
  Eric: Yes, you have to read the Bronte sisters.
• 19:50
  Matt: Now, I don't know, Eric.
• 19:52
  Matt: I mean, I appreciate the bit you're trying to do here, but I don't deny the the cultural, the uh significance of Wuthering Heights.
• 20:03
  Matt: I just think it fucking sucks.
• 20:05
  Eric: So it's like unfunny Seinfeld.
• 20:09
  Eric: It's like it's it's it's like just watching terrible people exist towards each other.
• 20:15
  Matt: I I think Wuthering Heights is just not a good book.
• 20:20
  Matt: I don't think people who like it need to end up in hell.
• 20:24
  Matt: No, I don't think are we putting this circle as the tenth circle?
• 20:29
  Eric: No, what I'm getting at is uh Or is it the zero circle?
• 20:34
  Eric: Are we like in the case of the case?
• 20:35
  Eric: I think we need I think what what we should be going for is prequel circles.
• 20:40
  Eric: Like lesser, like even lesser hells, like less than a little bit still hell.
• 20:45
  Matt: So like on this side of the river sticks.
• 20:49
  Eric: Yeah, exactly.
• 20:50
  Eric: Like you're like you it takes you a bit to realize like, oh, I'm in hell.
• 20:54
  Eric: I'm I'm on the road to hell.
• 20:56
  Eric: I'm on the road to hell.
• 20:57
  Eric: So what does the road to hell look like?
• 20:59
  Eric: And and what kind of people do we want to send there?
• 21:02
  Eric: Because each each circle like had a whole ass sin associated with it.
• 21:08
  Eric: It had like a thing, it had a deal.
• 21:10
  Matt: Yeah, they all have they all have things, they all have examples of people who's ended up there, um, for sure.
• 21:20
  Matt: You know, uh, so and and honestly, all the big ones are already in there.
• 21:26
  Matt: You've got your your hypocrites, your thieves, your counselors of fraud, your sorcerers.
• 21:35
  Matt: They ended up there.
• 21:36
  Eric: Which is a really damn change.
• 21:37
  Matt: And worst of and worst of all, the flatterers have ended up there.
• 21:42
  Matt: The seducers, all the bad ones.
• 21:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:46
  Matt: They're all such as such as the seducers and such.
• 21:50
  Matt: Oh, I got we're all down there.
• 21:52
  Eric: I got one.
• 21:53
  Eric: The road to hell, dirty deleters.
• 21:55
  Eric: Dirty deleters.
• 21:56
  Eric: Are you familiar with the dirty delete, my friend?
• 21:58
  Eric: No, you better tell me.
• 22:00
  Eric: Oh, that's when you that's when like you uh you're commenting like in a thread or something on Facebook and like you say something and then like someone like calls you out on it and instead of like admitting you're wrong, you delete it and act like you never said it, dirty delete.
• 22:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 22:16
  Matt: That I okay.
• 22:17
  Matt: I am familiar with the concept.
• 22:18
  Matt: I didn't know it.
• 22:19
  Matt: I didn't know we made a name for it.
• 22:21
  Matt: But the dirty deleters should be in pre-circle in circle zero for sure.
• 22:26
  Eric: There's also a very, very specific offset of that is, and I've encountered this on Reddit, it's people who you'll get in an argument with them and they'll they'll they'll state something, they'll say, like, oh man, fucking Mountain Dew should be outlawed.
• 22:40
  Eric: And you're like, I you know, hey, I agree that like, you know, Mountain Dew might not be the best for people to drink, but I believe in the choice of everyone to drink, you know, do the do if they so do wish.
• 22:50
  Eric: And and like you'll lay out like, and also like what you're proposing is.
• 22:58
  Matt: There's no way you're making this up.
• 23:00
  Eric: But then what they do is they they will then sh edit their original comment to be completely different nature.
• 23:08
  Eric: Like instead of being like, oh yeah, Mountain Dew fucking sucks and you fucking suck if you drink it.
• 23:12
  Eric: Now it's like, I think Mountain Dew isn't very healthy and people shouldn't drink it.
• 23:16
  Eric: And then they make you look like an asshole, and then they respond to you going, Um, I never said that.
• 23:22
  Eric: I don't know why you're being so it is so infuriating.
• 23:24
  Eric: They belong, they changed the bit.
• 23:27
  Eric: They change they yeah.
• 23:28
  Matt: They uh you you had a bit going, and then they decided they wanted off the bit train before it was at its destination, and that's a sin.
• 23:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:40
  Matt: Bit abandoners are in the circle.
• 23:42
  Eric: Bit abandoners are in this circle.
• 23:44
  Eric: Yeah, those who do not commit to a bit are in this circle of if you do not commit to the bit, if you were doing the bit and then like halfway through you stopped doing it and started making fun of the people who were doing the bit, this is where you go.
• 23:57
  Matt: Also, I'm not sure what how this fits in to what we're talking about.
• 24:02
  Matt: Yeah, but people who will be in line at a grocery store and then without a word, exit the line, leaving their cart there to go get something else without so much of a hey, hey, can you just I'm gonna I'll be right back.
• 24:18
  Matt: Can you just without any of that?
• 24:21
  Matt: They're in the circle, baby.
• 24:22
  Eric: They're in the circle.
• 24:23
  Eric: You can't just assume, especially, especially if you say nothing to me, and then the person who is in front of you, like if you say nothing to me and you just walk up, and then the person who is in front of you finishes getting ranged up.
• 24:36
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 24:36
  Eric: And then it's now my turn.
• 24:38
  Eric: And now, and like now I'm like, what do I don't know where you went.
• 24:42
  Eric: I'm gonna uh and then they come back and you you come back to your client.
• 24:46
  Eric: Now they're mad at you.
• 24:47
  Eric: Like I'm a piece of shit.
• 24:48
  Matt: Yeah, because you went ahead of them and took all their groceries.
• 24:51
  Matt: Like, that makes you the villain now.
• 24:54
  Eric: Yeah, no, no.
• 24:55
  Eric: We're all in this bit together, and you gotta commit.
• 24:58
  Eric: And you gotta commit.
• 25:01
  Eric: Strangely, how you commit this egregious sin.
• 25:05
  Eric: So, what would happen there?
• 25:07
  Matt: A little bit of a double anthone.
• 25:09
  Matt: It's not at that at all.
• 25:10
  Matt: It's like a it's a catch 22, if you will.
• 25:15
  Matt: Damned if you commit, damned if you don't.
• 25:18
  Matt: Damned if you literally damned.
• 25:19
  Eric: Damned if you bit.
• 25:20
  Matt: Damn, poach.
• 25:22
  Eric: Got you at this.
• 25:24
  Eric: I got you.
• 25:25
  Eric: Linguistics.
• 25:26
  Eric: So, so what would happen to these no good, awful, bad, bad people in the bad in this bad place?
• 25:33
  Eric: Like, so the people, the ones who do not commit to the bit.
• 25:39
  Eric: Be it their own bit or the bit of others.
• 25:42
  Eric: Bit onto others as you would have them bit onto you.
• 25:46
  Matt: Right.
• 25:46
  Matt: And then we have to remember they're not yet in hell.
• 25:50
  Eric: So no, this is the road.
• 25:52
  Eric: It's it can't be too bad.
• 25:54
  Eric: This should be the like this should be the line to hell.
• 25:57
  Eric: It's a line, like like their line, like getting, and they can't leave it.
• 26:01
  Eric: They can't not, they have to commit to this bit.
• 26:04
  Eric: That is their punishment.
• 26:05
  Eric: They're like every time, and they are surrounded by like golden opportunities to leave the line, like like they see like they're they're all they all have to be like parallel lines running to each other, and no matter what line you're in, all the other lines are moving faster.
• 26:21
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:22
  Matt: And you can, yes, when as soon as you and don't ask me how the magic of hell works, but if you skip from one line, like okay, oh, that line's moving faster, you go over there.
• 26:33
  Matt: By the time you get to that line, you're exactly where you were before.
• 26:37
  Eric: Yes, that isn't that a bitch.
• 26:39
  Eric: That is the magic of the and you're free to hop lines as much as you want, and it will never matter.
• 26:46
  Eric: It will never matter.
• 26:47
  Eric: You can abandon the bit all you want, it won't abandon you.
• 26:50
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:51
  Matt: You thought Sisyphus had a bad.
• 26:53
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 26:54
  Matt: Here you are stuck in line.
• 26:56
  Eric: Endless lines.
• 26:58
  Eric: Solid, solid preamble ring.
• 27:01
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:01
  Eric: Um prequel, pre prequel, pre pre trying to think of a good hell pun here.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: Prelude.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: Prelude.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: Prelude.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: Prelzabet.
• 27:15
  Matt: Flam going.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_04: It is I be elzabet.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_04: It is I be elzabet.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: I studied at the second city.
• 27:24
  Eric: Anytime you talk to him, he's like the ruler of this particular ring.
• 27:27
  Eric: And like anytime you talk to him, you you can't help but also speak in a like a heightened voice.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I don't want to be here.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: I see you commit to the bit.
• 27:38
  Matt: Well, yeah, he that's how that's his normal voice.
• 27:40
  Matt: That's how he normally speaks to the line.
• 27:43
  Matt: Very similar to the watch's voice.
• 27:45
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 27:46
  Matt: Now realizing.
• 27:47
  Matt: But then when you go up to him, he he switches the media to be like, Well, howdy, partner, what brings you on over here?
• 27:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 27:55
  Matt: And then if you're like, uh, be alzabet, I'm just trying to no, I'm sorry, that ain't my name.
• 28:01
  Matt: My name's old old two barrel McGoo.
• 28:06
  Eric: Two barrel McGoo.
• 28:08
  Eric: Stop it.
• 28:09
  Eric: You're making hell nice again.
• 28:11
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 28:12
  Matt: You know, and then somebody else comes up to him and he has to be like, Wow, I'll tell you what, this you all you all like the prize at the bottom of a crocodile, you know.
• 28:20
  Matt: Yep.
• 28:21
  Matt: He's just constant, he's just constantly jumping bits.
• 28:25
  Eric: And he's oh yeah, you can never keep up with his bit.
• 28:28
  Eric: That's the problem.
• 28:28
  Eric: You're always one step behind his head.
• 28:32
  Eric: No, BL, that is the key to Biel's a bit.
• 28:34
  Eric: Every single time you're like, oh, I finally figured it out.
• 28:37
  Eric: I get what his bit is now, and you try to like match him, he's already onto a new bit.
• 28:42
  Matt: And and you know, after you cross the river, you're getting into limbo, you hook up with Dante and uh Virgil, and Virgil's bringing you through the thing, and you're like, hey, what's up with Biel's a bit?
• 28:54
  Matt: And that's when Virgil's like, oh, yeah, he's he's not an employee of hell, actually.
• 29:00
  Matt: He's the first guy in line.
• 29:01
  Matt: He just refuses to leave the line.
• 29:05
  Matt: He sort of adopted the line.
• 29:07
  Matt: He's like the PTA president.
• 29:09
  Matt: Yeah, good circle.
• 29:10
  Matt: Good circle.
• 29:11
  Matt: Good circle.
• 29:11
  Matt: I think this is a good circle.
• 29:13
  Matt: Now, do do we need any others, or are we good?
• 29:15
  Matt: This is a prelude.
• 29:16
  Matt: We could make a a subcircle.
• 29:18
  Matt: Ooh, a subcircle.
• 29:20
  Eric: After Satan's after okay, so we've done yes, we've we're we're gonna bookend it.
• 29:24
  Eric: We're gonna bookend it.
• 29:25
  Matt: Yeah, we could bookend it.
• 29:26
  Matt: So Satan.
• 29:28
  Eric: So Satan, so you're you have hit the lake, and now you you you gotta you're going to like sad Satan.
• 29:35
  Eric: You go into the bottom of the lake, or maybe sad Satan eats you.
• 29:39
  Matt: Yeah, let me see here if there's anything useful we can get about the devil.
• 29:44
  Matt: Well, because they emerge from that and they head on to Purgatorio.
• 29:48
  Matt: Purgatorio.
• 29:49
  Matt: According to Dante, there's very little there's little room for argument here because they leave the final circle and they head on over to purgatory.
• 29:59
  Matt: The mountain of purgatorio.
• 30:01
  Matt: But but we're inserting a we're we're fanficing this shit.
• 30:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:06
  Eric: We're we're gonna marry Sue for a little bit.
• 30:08
  Matt: We're gonna have to get some cranes down there.
• 30:11
  Matt: We're gonna have to do some separation.
• 30:13
  Matt: We're inserting uh we're inserting a ring.
• 30:17
  Matt: Is that what we're doing?
• 30:18
  Eric: Yeah, yes, we are much like the most hellish colonoscopy.
• 30:24
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:25
  Matt: So uh residence of this various the the very the very final one uh is wait, it Judas is down here.
• 30:35
  Matt: That was he was supposed to be in the last circle.
• 30:38
  Matt: Dante.
• 30:39
  Matt: Dante It doesn't fucking matter.
• 30:41
  Matt: So what Eric what hasn't been covered?
• 30:44
  Eric: What is the most vile piece of shit thing that a person can do?
• 30:48
  Matt: That hasn't already been covered.
• 30:49
  Matt: I mean, everything else is there from adultery to to murder to to what else did I say?
• 30:57
  Eric: The flatterers?
• 30:59
  Eric: Matt, I think I got it.
• 31:01
  Eric: Wow, that was quick.
• 31:02
  Matt: All right, give it to me.
• 31:03
  Eric: I think in this one's this is a shout out to you, my friend.
• 31:06
  Eric: You're putting No, no, no, you're not going to be able to do that.
• 31:08
  Eric: You're putting me in the final You're putting me in the tenth circle of hell.
• 31:12
  Eric: You will be vindicated.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 31:14
  Matt: All right, I'm ready.
• 31:15
  Matt: I've been waiting 33 years for that.
• 31:18
  Matt: People who don't return shopping carts.
• 31:22
  Matt: Eric.
• 31:23
  Matt: Eric?
• 31:25
  Eric: Did I did I fucking nail it?
• 31:27
  Matt: Eric?
• 31:29
  Matt: Yes.
• 31:30
  Matt: Eric, yes.
• 31:31
  Matt: And now because now when I s when I see someone abandoning a cart next to a lamppost five feet away from the cart corral, and I lower my window and say, You're going to hell.
• 31:43
  Matt: I will know that I am being truthful.
• 31:47
  Matt: I have, I built not only are you going to hell, I built the place.
• 31:51
  Eric: I made this hellfire.
• 31:53
  Eric: I made that circle.
• 31:54
  Eric: But it it also legit, like in some ways, it legitimately is the best barometer for like a person's ability to society if they return the fucking carts.
• 32:07
  Eric: Because I have seen and you've spoken about this at length on the show, but like just there is some audacity out there, just some unnecessary audacity.
• 32:18
  Eric: People fucking like I like seeing uh carts creen across the fucking parking lot, smash into some poor little little grandma, little grandma's car.
• 32:27
  Eric: She's on her way home to make cookies for her son who lost both his legs in the in in you know that terrible tragedy.
• 32:33
  Matt: How many grandmas have to die?
• 32:35
  Matt: How many grandmas have to die for you to put your fucking cart back?
• 32:40
  Matt: Aldi tried to get around this by inventing this quarter unlock system, which I'm also not a huge fan of, because now we have to imprison the carts just because you can't put your shit back.
• 32:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 32:53
  Matt: And people gotta have an Aldi quarter because of you.
• 32:56
  Eric: Hmm.
• 32:56
  Eric: I've to carry legal tender in the year.
• 33:00
  Eric: I'm sorry, in the year 2022, I have to use physical money and not hollow bucks.
• 33:08
  Matt: We are so close to us all realizing that money doesn't actually exist.
• 33:13
  Eric: God, we're this close.
• 33:15
  Eric: We're so close to getting it.
• 33:17
  Matt: Like we're so close to getting it, but the shopping cart people pull us back with a with a state quarter from 2002 that I have to figure out.
• 33:28
  Matt: Now listen to me.
• 33:29
  Matt: Have you seen the guy on TikTok who does the like cart police thing?
• 33:33
  Matt: No.
• 33:34
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 33:35
  Matt: I don't know how he's still alive.
• 33:37
  Matt: He follows people in the um parking lot who don't put their cart away, and he throws he first puts the cart like behind their car, and then he'll throw this like magnet onto the back of the car that says something like very innocent, like, I'm a poopy head who doesn't put his card away, like literally something like that.
• 33:55
  Matt: And obviously, people get so fucking pissed.
• 33:59
  Matt: And I don't know how this man hasn't been shot.
• 34:01
  Matt: I really don't.
• 34:02
  Eric: But also, Matt, I'm kind of getting a Virgil vibe from that.
• 34:07
  Eric: Oh, do you see one?
• 34:08
  Eric: He walks among us.
• 34:09
  Eric: He walks among us.
• 34:10
  Eric: Pretty sus.
• 34:11
  Eric: He walks among us.
• 34:12
  Eric: He walks among us.
• 34:14
  Eric: Um, I looked back, and in the sand there were two sets of footprints.
• 34:18
  Eric: One of them was this guy's this this shopping cart policeman.
• 34:21
  Matt: I I I think he's great.
• 34:23
  Matt: Shout out to him.
• 34:24
  Matt: Shout out to him.
• 34:25
  Matt: Mini local legend.
• 34:26
  Matt: Go follow him on TikTok.
• 34:28
  Matt: Don't know his name, and I'm not gonna look it up.
• 34:30
  Matt: That's on you.
• 34:30
  Matt: That's on you.
• 34:32
  Matt: So how do we He was on my for me page?
• 34:37
  Eric: Tick we we hold TikTok sacred in this house.
• 34:40
  Eric: You do you keep with the old ways, child?
• 34:44
  Eric: I have tick-to-talk of a time.
• 34:47
  Eric: Um I've tweeted.
• 34:50
  Eric: How do we uh how do we eternally punish how do we eternally punish the people who don't return carts?
• 34:57
  Eric: Are they like do like we could just do a we could we could do them Jacob Marley style?
• 35:02
  Eric: Like they're forced to dra Oh yeah, they're forced to push like fucking like an endless line of carts.
• 35:11
  Eric: That it's like Sisyphus, but with shopping carts.
• 35:14
  Matt: But they just keep, you know how you get the the epic line of carts, you know, the the whole trail.
• 35:22
  Matt: That's what they have to do.
• 35:24
  Matt: They're just forever lining up these carts over and over.
• 35:28
  Matt: They're in an open, it's just a this last circle of hell is just an IKEA parking lot.
• 35:34
  Matt: Endless parking lot, and it's just a huge parking lot, and you are just endlessly having to gather these carts.
• 35:41
  Eric: Yes, and like you go to push them, like even once you get them all lined up, you go to push them, there are no wheels.
• 35:47
  Eric: You have to like grind them across the burning hot asphalt.
• 35:51
  Matt: And somebody uh every few minutes, somebody's walking up to you with a car and is like, hey, can I just give this to you?
• 35:56
  Eric: Hey, can I just uh can I just except they're like fucking demons, they're like two-story, hey uh can I just give this to you?
• 36:04
  Matt: Yeah, they're like you're saying they're like two stories tall and they're just like placing a car to you.
• 36:09
  Eric: Can I just give this to you?
• 36:10
  Eric: They're like handing them carts by the fistful.
• 36:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 36:13
  Matt: I think they are I think they are worse than Brutus and have uh every right to be after Satan.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 36:23
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 36:25
  Matt: So we did it.
• 36:26
  Matt: Uh there you go.
• 36:27
  Matt: Uh at Monte Jr.
• 36:30
  Matt: and and indeed Dante himself.
• 36:33
  Matt: Man, that was easy.
• 36:34
  Eric: Like, I'm actually less impressed with Dante now.
• 36:38
  Eric: All right.
• 36:39
  Eric: It's like we just knocked out two bangers in like 20 minutes.
• 36:43
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:44
  Eric: It took like a hundred years to write the the Inferno, or however long people lived back then.
• 36:48
  Eric: I don't I don't think that's probably historically accurate.
• 36:51
  Eric: Should we move on to another question?
• 36:53
  Eric: We probably should.
• 36:55
  Eric: That question, of course, being how do you win the game?
• 37:00
  Eric: Which you just lost.
• 37:03
  Eric: That's right, folks.
• 37:04
  Eric: It's 2005.
• 37:06
  Matt: That's right, baby.
• 37:07
  Matt: We're doing that bit right now.
• 37:10
  Matt: We're doing that's right.
• 37:11
  Eric: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Matt, you hear that?
• 37:14
  Eric: Oh, that's a that's our nails scraping the bottom of the barrel.
• 37:17
  Eric: There it is.
• 37:18
  Eric: There's a juicy one.
• 37:21
  Eric: So the game.
• 37:23
  Eric: So hold on.
• 37:24
  Eric: I gotta put on some fucking Avenge Sevenfold.
• 37:28
  Eric: I gotta like, I gotta go hang out at Spencer's for a bit.
• 37:32
  Eric: I gotta go make a cool S with Oh yeah, those lines six lines.
• 37:37
  Eric: I gotta go smoke cloves behind fucking 7-Eleven break bars.
• 37:42
  Matt: All right.
• 37:42
  Matt: That's enough of the culture of Glenn Bernie.
• 37:44
  Matt: Uh, so we we probably don't need to explain to you the game.
• 37:50
  Eric: It's actually funnier if we don't.
• 37:52
  Eric: You think so?
• 37:53
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 37:55
  Eric: I I think this is the one time we should give zero context to this.
• 38:01
  Eric: We should discuss this as philosophers amongst a room of learned, learned folk.
• 38:09
  Matt: Well, then by all means, let me just close this Wikipedia tab and sit back.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there you go.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: Take a load off, baby.
• 38:17
  Matt: Hands away from the keyboard.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's 2005 now.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: You ain't gotta worry about it.
• 38:23
  Matt: Barely anything matters.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:25
  Matt: So, Eric, it's 2005.
• 38:29
  Matt: It's 2005.
• 38:30
  Matt: Surely that war in Iraq is wrapping up any day now.
• 38:35
  Eric: I got my iPod videos on fucking shuffle.
• 38:39
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 38:40
  Eric: Listen to listen to some some Sum 41.
• 38:44
  Eric: Oh.
• 38:45
  Matt: And indeed, we are in a bit too deep.
• 38:49
  Matt: So let's So we've just lost the game.
• 38:52
  Matt: So we And if you're listening to this, you just lost the game as well.
• 38:55
  Matt: You also just lost the game.
• 38:56
  Matt: Now, the rules of the game, Eric, are simple, but we won't explain them.
• 39:00
  Eric: We won't explain them.
• 39:01
  Eric: They're very simple.
• 39:02
  Eric: We will not explain them.
• 39:04
  Eric: Oh, uh Matt, yo, can we?
• 39:05
  Matt: Although we might have to because because if the question is, it's very easy to obviously lose the game.
• 39:12
  Matt: Both of us just did again.
• 39:14
  Matt: How do you win the game, Eric?
• 39:16
  Matt: But Matt, are we gonna have to say some blatant facts?
• 39:20
  Eric: Are we onto something here, though?
• 39:22
  Eric: Matt, maintain eye contact with me.
• 39:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:25
  Eric: I feel like it's like a T-Rex, its vision is based on movement.
• 39:30
  Eric: So if we don't explain the game, can we lose the game?
• 39:37
  Matt: But see, my this is what I mean, Eric.
• 39:39
  Matt: I think we're gonna have to say some facts because as far as I'm con as far as I've always known, just thinking about the game loses the game.
• 39:50
  Matt: So if you explain the game, you're thinking about it, man.
• 39:54
  Matt: So you lose it.
• 39:55
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 39:56
  Eric: Look, sorry, I have to like I have to take your five-star binder and crack this open.
• 40:01
  Eric: Sorry, let me just flip through your seven periods.
• 40:06
  Matt: Get my stick figure war illustrations out of the way.
• 40:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 40:10
  unknown: Ooh.
• 40:11
  Eric: What's that?
• 40:12
  Eric: Ball jet fine point pens, Matt.
• 40:14
  Eric: This is a high, this is a high commodity.
• 40:16
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely, baby.
• 40:18
  Eric: Oh my god, is that a gel pen?
• 40:19
  Eric: Fuck yes.
• 40:20
  Eric: Um, but like I and like I I just Eric.
• 40:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 40:25
  Eric: I'm gonna need you to make sense.
• 40:27
  Eric: All right, all right, all right.
• 40:28
  Eric: Like you can see me like scrambling over your notes.
• 40:31
  Eric: There's someone listening to this episode right now going like, what are these dad, non-dad dads doing right now?
• 40:38
  Matt: So if you think about the game, you lose the game.
• 40:41
  Eric: You think about the game, you lose the game.
• 40:42
  Matt: If you think about the game, you lose the game.
• 40:44
  Matt: That makes it almost impossible to win.
• 40:46
  Matt: The only way to be winning is to be living in blissful ignorance.
• 40:50
  Matt: As many of our our listeners probably have been for a decade at this point.
• 40:56
  Matt: You you one of you was doing so well, you had gone so long and you just lost.
• 41:01
  Matt: And Eric, I think the only way that I can think of to not think about it and win is to die in a state of ignorance about the game.
• 41:13
  Matt: Then you've won.
• 41:15
  Matt: You can't play if you can't think.
• 41:17
  Eric: You can't so dare.
• 41:20
  Eric: That is an option.
• 41:21
  Matt: But I feel like that is a way to win most games by dying.
• 41:26
  Matt: But is that not a way to win?
• 41:27
  Matt: Is that in fact a disqualification?
• 41:29
  Matt: That's a disqualification, right?
• 41:31
  Matt: So is it maybe is it just somebody in the lead, you know, who has the longest streak who has gone the longest.
• 41:42
  Matt: So it's the streak that is like the top high score, and not actually like a oh, you won the game has ended.
• 41:51
  Matt: Unless there's a way for the game to end.
• 41:53
  Matt: But I don't think there is.
• 41:54
  Eric: Well, the only way for the game to end is for all knowledge of it to cease existing.
• 41:58
  Eric: But much like the Dharma set forth by Lord Buddha, the wheel can stop turning, but another will arise to set it into motion again.
• 42:07
  Eric: So like we could erase all memory of the game, but like 10 billion years from now, when another, like, you know, sentient organism has claimed personhood or what have you, they're gonna be sitting around one day, you know, s smoking fucking octopus weed.
• 42:28
  Eric: And great.
• 42:29
  Eric: They're they're to be clear, they're octopi who enjoy marijuana.
• 42:34
  Eric: And one of them's gonna be like, hey, what if?
• 42:36
  Eric: And then the and then the turning begins anew.
• 42:39
  Matt: Yeah, so there's no escape.
• 42:41
  Eric: Is that what you're saying?
• 42:42
  Eric: Well, to quote a pretty recent movie, the problem is choice, Mr.
• 42:47
  Eric: Anderson.
• 42:48
  Matt: Yeah, okay, great.
• 42:49
  Matt: We're doing a great job with content in this episode.
• 42:52
  Matt: I feel oh yeah.
• 42:54
  Matt: So no one has skipped uh even a single second of this episode.
• 42:59
  Matt: No, no, they're hanging on for dear life.
• 43:01
  Matt: Yes, I sure am.
• 43:03
  Matt: Um the listen, this is what I want to say to you.
• 43:06
  Matt: Uh yeah.
• 43:07
  Matt: The I don't know.
• 43:13
  Eric: I don't know what to do here.
• 43:15
  Eric: I know.
• 43:15
  Eric: Matt, and much, and sorry, just to quote uh an up-and-coming musical artist, you tried so hard and got so far.
• 43:25
  Eric: But in the end, but in the end, it didn't lost the game.
• 43:30
  Eric: You lost the game! Fuck you team that up so nicely.
• 43:36
  Eric: Thank you.
• 43:37
  Eric: And I did that I started it.
• 43:39
  Eric: Oh my god, am I going to bit hell?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't commit to the bit, Matt.
• 43:45
  Matt: Say hi to BLZ a bit for me.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck! I don't want to hell BLZ a bit.
• 43:50
  Matt: There's a new opening in the Daft anchorship.
• 43:54
  Matt: Sorry, Eric.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh let my cat take my play.
• 43:59
  Matt: Hi.
• 44:00
  Matt: We will see you in hell.
• 44:03
  Eric: So I'm sure I'll be there.
• 44:06
  Eric: So to answer the question, honest, honest to goodness, no, it's perfect.
• 44:11
  Eric: Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
• 44:15
  Eric: That was a movie that came out about 30 years ago now.
• 44:19
  Eric: How about this?
• 44:20
  Matt: How about this?
• 44:21
  Matt: Are you ready?
• 44:22
  Matt: How about this?
• 44:23
  Matt: Anyone who's hearing my voice right now who has lost the game recently, and just again, anyone who's done that know this.
• 44:34
  Matt: You've already lost, so there's no point in hanging on to the game any longer.
• 44:40
  Matt: Let it go.
• 44:42
  Matt: Let go of the game.
• 44:43
  Matt: Let go of any kind of hope of winning the game.
• 44:47
  Matt: And then, Eric, accidentally, you will be winning.
• 44:52
  Matt: Until 25 years from now, another podcast will cover this question.
• 44:58
  Matt: And you will remember the game again.
• 45:01
  Matt: In which case I can't help you.
• 45:03
  Matt: I've just proven my own thing.
• 45:04
  Matt: God damn it.
• 45:05
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, I I it's perfect.
• 45:06
  Eric: It cannot be beaten.
• 45:13
  Matt: You can only not lose.
• 45:14
  Matt: So just to just to be clear, we haven't broken any new ground.
• 45:19
  Eric: No, we have we have stayed still, frozen in 2005.
• 45:27
  Eric: We never left.
• 45:32
  Matt: Bro, do you hear they closed the sizzler?
• 45:35
  Matt: Let's move on to another question now.
• 45:38
  Matt: Um dear god, we must.
• 45:41
  Matt: Um, how big is personal space?
• 45:44
  Eric: This is such a gooey gooey good good question.
• 45:48
  Eric: I hope it is.
• 45:49
  Eric: This is like, I'm pretty sure this ranks as possibly the most subjective question we have ever been asked.
• 45:57
  Eric: I feel like that's the most subjective question you can ask anyone.
• 46:01
  Matt: And that's what makes it perfect.
• 46:02
  Matt: Well, we better give it a definitive answer, my friend.
• 46:05
  Matt: When do you think about your personal space?
• 46:08
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 46:09
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 46:10
  Matt: Um because like I'm not thinking about it right now alone in this closet.
• 46:13
  Matt: As far as I'm concerned, the entire closet is my personal space.
• 46:16
  Eric: No, yeah.
• 46:17
  Eric: My I I I I could feel it extending all around me.
• 46:21
  Eric: It's that you know someone's in it the second you can like the wall's been broken.
• 46:27
  Eric: The wall's been broken, and like it's that intangible, undefinable feeling that we all get like, oh, there you are.
• 46:34
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 46:35
  Matt: The only time I'm thinking about my personal space is when someone's in it.
• 46:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 46:41
  Eric: Until then, until then, my personal space is as vast as the cosmos.
• 46:46
  Eric: But then someone gets close enough to smell me, and like I maybe I haven't showered in like two days and I'm really self-conscious.
• 46:53
  Eric: That's the thing.
• 46:54
  Eric: My personal space fluctuates so fucking much, it's unreal.
• 46:59
  Matt: It does, but I think we need to be talking about like a crowded situation because like if you're alone in your home, the whole fucking home is your personal space.
• 47:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 47:08
  Matt: But the second someone enters the door, it starts shrinking.
• 47:11
  Matt: It starts getting closer and closer and closer to you.
• 47:14
  Matt: So I think we need to be talking about like a grocery store.
• 47:17
  Eric: We're yeah, we're in a grocery store.
• 47:20
  Eric: It's 2005.
• 47:21
  Eric: We're we're we're in a white store.
• 47:23
  Eric: We put our card away.
• 47:24
  Eric: We put our card back into the store because we forgot for mom to pick us up.
• 47:29
  Eric: Sure.
• 47:30
  Eric: We had we'll we'll she'll pick us up once we're done grabbing some some some Cheetos and stuff for for Halo.
• 47:37
  Matt: Once, once, let me tell you a quick story.
• 47:39
  Matt: Go on.
• 47:40
  Matt: This is I maybe I've told this on the podcast before.
• 47:42
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 47:43
  Matt: But uh, we had a grocery store not too far from my house.
• 47:46
  Matt: It was accessible by this bike path down this farm road.
• 47:51
  Matt: And me and my friend used to bike on over there.
• 47:53
  Matt: It was called Oregon Dairy.
• 47:55
  Matt: Again, I grew up in Lancaster County, the home of the Amish.
• 47:58
  Matt: So we went to uh Oregon Dairy and we uh went in, you know, we went in there with, you know, some pocket money and bought some stuff.
• 48:06
  Matt: And so I went to get a Snickers bar, right?
• 48:09
  Matt: And I knocked the box of Snicker bars like off of the little like checkout counter stand.
• 48:16
  Matt: You know what I'm talking about?
• 48:17
  Matt: Like the box that they're in.
• 48:18
  Matt: I knocked it off.
• 48:19
  Matt: It fell down and I went to pick it up, and that's when I noticed that the back of that big box, the display box, has a barcode.
• 48:28
  Matt: So I said, wouldn't it be funny if I tried to scan this?
• 48:32
  Matt: And then I scanned it, and I discovered you can buy that, you can buy the whole fucking thing, you can do it.
• 48:40
  Matt: It is possible.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: How much did it cost?
• 48:43
  Matt: Like 20 bucks or whatever, you know, because you know, there's all these things in there.
• 48:47
  Matt: So I did it.
• 48:50
  Matt: You know, it was 12.
• 48:52
  Matt: I did it.
• 48:52
  Matt: I had like 20 bucks in my pocket, so I bought this whole thing and I came home, and my mom was pissed.
• 49:00
  Matt: Look what I did, Ma! I came home with like 20, 28 Snickers bars.
• 49:06
  Eric: I was like, you just like struggling to hold all these Snickers.
• 49:09
  Eric: Ma, what do I do with that?
• 49:10
  Eric: Well, I had the whole box.
• 49:11
  Eric: I know.
• 49:11
  Eric: You had the whole thing.
• 49:12
  Eric: You're sitting like, oh, like you're trying to balance them.
• 49:17
  Matt: And no respect was given to the fact that I biked home with it.
• 49:20
  Matt: It's not like I had a box.
• 49:22
  Eric: Biked home lugging that many Snickers?
• 49:25
  Eric: You're lucky a bunch of irrationally angry people didn't mob you and beat you up and take your Snickers so they could so they could stop being Joe Peshis and take a bite and be normal again.
• 49:37
  Matt: Absolutely, a hundred percent.
• 49:39
  Matt: And then my mom hid them and rationed them to me.
• 49:42
  Eric: Ration.
• 49:44
  Eric: Your mom giving you slices of Snicker throughout the day.
• 49:47
  Matt: It was it was one at a time, but yes, that would be funnier if she just sliced them.
• 49:52
  Matt: So I like so many butter sticks.
• 49:55
  Matt: So personal space.
• 49:57
  Matt: Oh yes, personal space.
• 49:59
  Eric: I think for so like for me personally, yeah, my personal space is oddly enough, it also depends on like it's not just your your X, Y, it's your Z dimension.
• 50:14
  Eric: Meaning, you know, it's not how like to my left or right or in front or behind me you are, it's how high, how high or how low you are from me.
• 50:23
  Eric: So like if someone is like directly above my head, yeah, my personal space is much, much for I want I want a lot more leeway there.
• 50:34
  Eric: Sure.
• 50:34
  Eric: If someone is like at my kneecap height, and that might just be past trauma from teaching children who would regularly try to bring me down by like tackling me at the knees.
• 50:44
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 50:44
  Eric: Or or or just the simple fact that like most and short people, I'm sorry, I don't mean to put you on blast like this.
• 50:52
  Eric: I uh speaking for the tall delegation, I need you all to understand something.
• 50:56
  Eric: We tolerate a lot from your existence.
• 51:00
  Eric: This goes for almost every human being on the planet.
• 51:02
  Eric: A, understand that everything around you was built for normal-sized people, which you can adapt to pretty well.
• 51:08
  Eric: I exist in a world where nothing was meant for me, and I have to hunch over it like a monster, and I'll have bad back and bad knees for the rest of my life.
• 51:15
  Eric: But my other point is short people, and most normal-sized people, to be honest, the talls, I can say that, it's our word.
• 51:24
  Eric: The talls you are getting into some dicey territory with no uh your elbows and your hands, and you're like, you guys just doop-dee-doop-dee-doop, you guys are throwing elbows without realizing it near my dick region almost constantly.
• 51:46
  Eric: And God help me if it's raining outside because you're all carrying umbrellas with the sharp little metal bits going around them, and all those bits are at my eye level.
• 51:57
  Eric: I am never safe around you people.
• 51:59
  Matt: Eric, Eric, I gotta calm you down a little bit.
• 52:02
  Matt: As someone in the regular size department, I'm six foot.
• 52:06
  Matt: So, in the regular size department of human, let me just say something about you talls around, okay?
• 52:14
  Matt: When you come walking by me with your dick almost to my face, uh you know what?
• 52:21
  Matt: That's in my personal space, and so you get a bow.
• 52:24
  Matt: You get a bow to the balls, and I say, Oh, I'm sorry.
• 52:27
  Matt: You throwing bows in my balls?
• 52:29
  Matt: I didn't have my neck craned up enough to take a look.
• 52:33
  Matt: I thought this was a walking statue.
• 52:36
  Matt: I didn't know that it was a human man who can see the dust on top of the the the aisles of the grocery store.
• 52:42
  Eric: Well, look what finally comes out.
• 52:45
  Eric: What are you gonna ask me next, Matt?
• 52:46
  Eric: You can ask me how the weather is up there?
• 52:49
  Eric: Huh?
• 52:50
  unknown: Eric.
• 52:50
  Eric: You're gonna ask me, you fucking lateral normative piece of shit.
• 52:55
  Eric: Eric.
• 52:57
  Eric: I don't know.
• 52:57
  Eric: That was my dad talking.
• 52:58
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 53:00
  Eric: How tall, how tall is your dad?
• 53:01
  Eric: He's normal size.
• 53:02
  Eric: He's like your hair.
• 53:03
  Eric: Yeah, that's what I thought.
• 53:04
  Eric: I my it's also one of my family.
• 53:06
  Eric: I'm a monster.
• 53:07
  Eric: I shouldn't exist.
• 53:08
  Eric: I know.
• 53:09
  Eric: You're a monster.
• 53:11
  Eric: I'm a three different hair colors.
• 53:13
  Eric: So personal space.
• 53:15
  Matt: So personal space.
• 53:17
  Matt: First of all, if someone else's dick is in your personal space, you know, you know it.
• 53:22
  Eric: Oh, you want to do it.
• 53:23
  Eric: You know what I'm saying?
• 53:24
  Matt: Like you know what it is, Eric.
• 53:26
  Matt: I think you know what it is, is because this is another way it's described.
• 53:30
  Matt: It's like a bubble.
• 53:32
  Matt: And as soon as in any given direction, that bubble begins to you're not aware of the bubble.
• 53:39
  Matt: It's clear.
• 53:40
  Matt: You can't see it, right?
• 53:42
  Matt: But as soon as the bubble encounters something it doesn't like, it starts contorting itself.
• 53:47
  Matt: And then the facade that it's you that it does.
• 53:51
  Matt: The illusion of safety and comfort is broken and it affects the entire bubble.
• 53:57
  Matt: It begins to constrain on one side, maybe it expands on another because that's where you can escape to, to get away from the dangerous dick that's coming up behind you.
• 54:07
  Matt: You have to uh respect the boundaries of this bubble, but the bubble conforms to the space that it is in.
• 54:17
  Matt: Yes, it does.
• 54:18
  Matt: You know, when like we said, in a house by yourself, fills up the whole space.
• 54:23
  Matt: That front door opens, the bubble retracts away from it.
• 54:28
  Matt: Ooh, I'm scared.
• 54:29
  Matt: My aura retreats.
• 54:31
  Matt: The personal space starts retracting away as soon as it encounters something because it wants to stay as a complete bubble.
• 54:40
  Matt: And once at a certain point, it'll get so small, so tight around you, that it can't make that bubble anymore.
• 54:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:51
  Matt: And that's when violence happens.
• 54:53
  Eric: And my shorthand for that is if I can smell your breath, you're in my personal space.
• 54:59
  Matt: God damn it, Eric.
• 55:01
  Matt: Well, Eric, I guess you hit the you hit it a little bit, but I don't necessarily know because if you don't, if you're not smelly, you can still be in my personal space.
• 55:10
  Eric: No, it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean their breath has to smell bad.
• 55:13
  Eric: Their breath can smell good, but I can like smell the gum that they're chewing.
• 55:17
  Eric: What if it has no scent?
• 55:19
  Matt: If I can I'll put it, I think this is it.
• 55:23
  Matt: If you are so in the question, the answer to the question of how big is it, it moves around.
• 55:30
  Matt: It moves around and moves around.
• 55:32
  Matt: It moves around.
• 55:33
  Matt: It moves around, it inflates and deflates as necessary.
• 55:37
  Matt: But someone enters the personal space solidly for sure when you can perceive them at a level, one level deeper than just seeing them.
• 55:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 55:49
  Matt: That could be you could hear something you didn't.
• 55:51
  Matt: You can smell them, you can feel them.
• 55:53
  Matt: You can you you you suddenly become aware of the weird squeak their shoes are making.
• 55:58
  Matt: You know, like something like something like that.
• 56:02
  Matt: Or you can look at you what is that weird triangle sticking out of their pants?
• 56:07
  Matt: Yes.
• 56:08
  Eric: That is a when you're close enough to start like looking closer, like, oh, like, oh, I can see the ship.
• 56:15
  Eric: Oh, I can see it.
• 56:17
  Matt: Yeah.
• 56:18
  Matt: That's when you've gone, that's when they have gone too far.
• 56:21
  Matt: That's when they've gone too far.
• 56:22
  Matt: And you got to re-establish your bubble.
• 56:24
  Matt: Get out of there.
• 56:25
  Eric: You got to scream put just start throwing bows.
• 56:29
  Matt: Just start throw bows, hit that tall guy in the dick on the way out.
• 56:34
  Matt: Whoa, problematic.
• 56:35
  Matt: Put your cart away, get in the car, and get out of there.
• 56:38
  Matt: It's so toxic.
• 56:39
  Matt: Yeah, sure.
• 56:40
  Matt: Well, I think, Eric, we've we've solved that that problem.
• 56:44
  Matt: We nailed it, don't you think?
• 56:45
  Eric: We nailed it.
• 56:46
  Matt: Now, Eric, you are due for uh your own personal round of Google Gripes.
• 56:56
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 56:58
  Matt: Season two, round one, we completed uh back uh two episodes ago in episode 54.
• 57:06
  Matt: Go give a listen to that.
• 57:08
  Matt: And spoiler alert, if you're going to do that, you might want to skip the results here.
• 57:13
  Matt: I came out of that two to the good.
• 57:16
  Matt: Two out of three ain't bad, said Meatloaf, and so say I.
• 57:24
  Matt: But now it's your turn, Eric.
• 57:26
  Matt: And I have through I have three locations for you.
• 57:30
  Matt: All right.
• 57:30
  Matt: For just to review for anyone who might be new, Google gripes.
• 57:34
  Matt: I'm gonna read three one-star Google reviews of well-known places.
• 57:40
  Matt: That's as vague as we like to keep it, as specific as we care to get.
• 57:44
  Matt: And Eric, based on these reviews, yep, is going to guess the location.
• 57:50
  Matt: Eric, are you ready?
• 57:51
  Eric: I I am God.
• 57:54
  Eric: I uh ooh, this this Johnny Jeff and Pirates of the Caribbean, top hit movie of the summer, keep me strong.
• 58:03
  Matt: I'm gonna assume that counts as a as as good to go.
• 58:07
  Matt: Okay.
• 58:08
  Matt: Rev location one, review one.
• 58:11
  Matt: This is from the Silk Road.
• 58:14
  Matt: Silk Road writes Blank is nothing special at all.
• 58:19
  Matt: It's a big tourist scam.
• 58:21
  Matt: As you drive around, you will soon realize that there is that there are plenty of very beautiful blanks, and that this one is really nothing out of the ordinary.
• 58:33
  Matt: It can be avoided without regrets, and as for blank, there is nothing, and there has never been, as proven by research, just an expensive tourist trap and big business worth fifty-four million pounds.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 58:51
  Matt: Review number two.
• 58:53
  Matt: Corey writes, it is fake.
• 58:58
  Matt: That's it?
• 58:59
  Matt: That's it.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck! Okay.
• 59:02
  Eric: I told you I would remember when you told me the parking sucks.
• 59:06
  Eric: I swung for the king.
• 59:08
  Eric: And he's and he's and he's you didn't die.
• 59:11
  Eric: He he's swinging upon however this analogy works.
• 59:14
  Matt: Riley says.
• 59:17
  Matt: Riley says.
• 59:19
  Matt: Hold on.
• 59:20
  Matt: Just give me a second to prepare.
• 59:21
  Matt: Yep.
• 59:22
  Matt: Hell to the heckin' no, am I gonna put even one toe in that water for Christ's sake?
• 59:27
  Matt: There's a big old snack.
• 59:29
  Matt: Okay.
• 59:30
  Matt: Those are your three reviews, Eric.
• 59:33
  Matt: What do you have for it?
• 59:34
  Matt: I'm just gonna say it right off the dome.
• 59:35
  Matt: Lock Ness.
• 59:37
  Matt: What no, no pre-guesses, no nothing?
• 59:40
  Matt: You just blurted it out.
• 59:42
  Matt: Loch Ness.
• 59:45
  Matt: Loch Ness is correct.
• 59:48
  Eric: Yes!
• 59:49
  Matt: Well, right.
• 59:51
  Matt: And well, just just like you, before you make the same mistake I did, Eric, I followed your example and put these in what I felt were easy to hard.
• 1:00:03
  Matt: Oh, I'm so proud of myself.
• 1:00:04
  Matt: Man, this I'm not I'm not taking anything away from you.
• 1:00:06
  Eric: You shouted that out.
• 1:00:08
  Eric: I feel like you were ready after the first review.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: I know, bro, but now I'm worried that my pride is goething.
• 1:00:14
  Matt: Well, let's see what let's see what review number one of location two has for you.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: It's from SA.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: SA writes This place is way too overrated.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Used to be great when it first opened.
• 1:00:29
  Matt: Fourth floor, lots of options.
• 1:00:31
  Matt: Now it's just another blank.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: More of a tourist attraction than anything not worth your time.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Review number two from Sexy D Went to Victory Secret, not a happy customer.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: I always shop there and get help when needed.
• 1:00:49
  Matt: This time bad, bad customer service.
• 1:00:51
  Matt: Must be new people.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: Even the manager were rude.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: I had money to shop, lots of money.
• 1:00:57
  Matt: They didn't want to help me.
• 1:00:59
  Matt: Ladies said I would be back, never came back.
• 1:01:01
  Matt: Another employee didn't help.
• 1:01:03
  Matt: Victor Secret Company miss out of dollar dollar dollar dollar.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: Fuck, I see your struggle though.
• 1:01:10
  Eric: I see your struggle, person.
• 1:01:13
  Matt: I see you.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: Alright.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: And I'm gonna wrap things up with Josh.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: Who says?
• 1:01:18
  Matt: Somebody in Shake Shack got beat up by a gang of high school boys, and it ruined my little sister's birthday.
• 1:01:25
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:01:30
  Eric: The sound you're hearing is me opening up the locations we've already done so I don't look like a fucking idiot because I have a guess.
• 1:01:37
  Eric: Oh, cheating.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: Oh, oh.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Oh cheating.
• 1:01:42
  Eric: Oh cheating.
• 1:01:43
  Matt: Alright, all right.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: You have a guess.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: Alright, I have a guess.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: It's not on here.
• 1:01:46
  Matt: You don't even need to you don't want to talk through anything or anything, huh?
• 1:01:50
  Eric: So I guess Mall of America.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: It's the Mall of America.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: Eric, again, you just hit you shot me.
• 1:02:01
  Eric: You shot me in the heart with the correct fucking answer.
• 1:02:04
  Eric: It was fourth floor that gave it to me.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: I'm like, I'm like, okay.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: Oh, like, oh, this sounds like a mall.
• 1:02:09
  Matt: I was like four mall.
• 1:02:11
  Matt: I I put that in there because I had to give you something to latch on to.
• 1:02:15
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:02:15
  Matt: And and boy, did you?
• 1:02:17
  Matt: And now, right now, it's two and two.
• 1:02:22
  Matt: Eric, you could come out of round one in the lead, I think for the first time, if that could serve.
• 1:02:29
  Matt: Don't tell me that! Don't tell me that the why would you tell me that?
• 1:02:34
  Matt: I want you to go out there and grab it, Eric.
• 1:02:38
  Matt: I want you to, I want you to be all you can be, baby.
• 1:02:42
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:02:43
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:02:44
  Eric: I'll join the army.
• 1:02:45
  Eric: And you're gonna have to do it.
• 1:02:48
  Eric: Sorry, 2005.
• 1:02:50
  Eric: The campaigns back then, the ad campaigns were.
• 1:02:54
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 1:02:55
  Matt: Got milk.
• 1:02:56
  Matt: Now, the all right.
• 1:03:00
  Matt: All right, here we go.
• 1:03:01
  Matt: Last location, three reviews.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: You're this close to a perfect score.
• 1:03:06
  Eric: God, you keep telling me it.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: I know you're doing it except.
• 1:03:10
  Eric: I'm not doing anything.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: I'm not doing anything to mess you up.
• 1:03:13
  Matt: I just want you to know you're flirting with me again.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_01: You piece of shit.
• 1:03:21
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:03:21
  Matt: All right.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: Do it.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: Do it, do it, do it.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: Pro writes, it's difficult to get to, impossible to park.
• 1:03:32
  Matt: The place needs to be completely demolished and reimagined and rebuilt as a modern, convenient venue.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: Matt writes, winding hills and horrible parking.
• 1:03:45
  Matt: Prepare to take it while grabbing your ankles for parking cost.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: Also, also, all the added venue fees on tickets and fact that$100 plus per ticket gets you seating beyond mezzanine is garbage.
• 1:04:03
  Matt: Venue is meh.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: People go here to be pretentious and because they love blank, a fine display of moppishness.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: Any other blank is simply the right, better, smarter, sensible, logical choice.
• 1:04:18
  Matt: Zee white noise.
• 1:04:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:04:23
  Matt: Final review comes from Ivy.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: Are you ready?
• 1:04:27
  Matt: I'm ready.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: Saturday Entertainment was horrific.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: They need to have better musician for the Playboy Jazz Festival.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_04: Huh.
• 1:04:37
  Matt: Huh.
• 1:04:38
  Eric: Huh.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: So it is a venue of some kind.
• 1:04:42
  Matt: Oh, we're talking it out for real, huh?
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, now he wants to talk.
• 1:04:47
  Eric: Now he wants to talk.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: Uh, it is a venue of some kind.
• 1:04:50
  Eric: They do various acts, it sounds like.
• 1:04:54
  Eric: Playboy jazz.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: If you know where the Playboy Jazz Festival happens, I can't.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: Playboy Jazz Festival.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: I'm not saying I did before looking up this review.
• 1:05:10
  Matt: I'm just saying if one had that knowledge, and if you did have that knowledge, you Playboy you.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_01: Give me that second one one more time.
• 1:05:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: Winding hills and horrible parking.
• 1:05:26
  Matt: Prepare to take it while grabbing your ankles for parking cost.
• 1:05:30
  Matt: Also, all the added venue fees on tickets and fact that$100 plus per ticket gets you seating beyond mezzanine is garbage.
• 1:05:39
  Matt: Venue is meh.
• 1:05:41
  Matt: People go here to be pretentious and because they love blank.
• 1:05:45
  Matt: A fine display of moppishness.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: Any other blank is simply the right, better, smarter, sensible, logical choice.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: Zzz white noise.
• 1:05:57
  Eric: Fuck.
• 1:05:58
  Eric: God, I'm right here.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Right on the soaked.
• 1:06:01
  Matt: You're right on the edge.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: Eric's rubbing his eyes in pain and dismay.
• 1:06:13
  Eric: I so it I'm trying to so it is a venue?
• 1:06:16
  Eric: Why not?
• 1:06:17
  Eric: It's gotta be in America.
• 1:06:18
  Eric: If it's the Playboy Jazz fucking festival, it has to be in America.
• 1:06:23
  Eric: Winding hills.
• 1:06:25
  Eric: Very hard to get to, difficult to park.
• 1:06:29
  Matt: Ooh.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: Eric, you're trying.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: You're trying so hard right now.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I don't know how far I'm gonna get.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: You got really far.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_01: In the end, will it matter though?
• 1:06:42
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Uh wouldn't it be funny if it was Lincoln Park?
• 1:06:48
  Matt: It's not.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: But what if it was?
• 1:06:49
  Matt: And that was how I gave you a hint.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: That would be funny as shit.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: It's not, but it's not.
• 1:06:55
  Matt: I just thought I'd throw that out there.
• 1:06:58
  Eric: Oh, I had one.
• 1:06:59
  Eric: I had one in my head.
• 1:07:00
  Eric: Oh.
• 1:07:01
  Matt: Get it back.
• 1:07:02
  Matt: Bring it back.
• 1:07:02
  Eric: Hold on, hold on.
• 1:07:03
  Eric: Hold on, right back.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: You can do it.
• 1:07:05
  Eric: This is a dumb question, because I don't even know.
• 1:07:09
  Eric: I can't Google it.
• 1:07:10
  Eric: I don't even know if the thing I'm thinking of is still a venue or what.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: You can't Google it.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: You have to go with God, my friend.
• 1:07:17
  Matt: You have to go on faith.
• 1:07:19
  Eric: Is it this is such a dumb guess?
• 1:07:23
  Eric: I I want to preface this because it's such a dumb guess, and this speaks to my lack of music history knowledge.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:30
  Eric: Is it Woodstock?
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_03: Is it Woodstock?
• 1:07:36
  Eric: Is it Woodstock?
• 1:07:38
  Eric: I have no idea if because like I know Woodstock was a thing.
• 1:07:40
  Eric: I was like, did they make Woodstock a permanent venue?
• 1:07:43
  Matt: Woodstock, Eric.
• 1:07:45
  Eric: I said Woodstock.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: That's your guess.
• 1:07:48
  Eric: That's my guess.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: As in the the Woodstock 69 and then later 99 that took place in a totally different place.
• 1:07:58
  Matt: Music concert near Woodstock, New York.
• 1:08:05
  Matt: That's your that's the guess.
• 1:08:08
  Eric: Well sorry, Matt.
• 1:08:10
  Eric: I just don't I don't think I can feel your heel.
• 1:08:12
  Matt: I'm afraid your guess is wrong.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_00: Damn it!
• 1:08:17
  Matt: And no, that festival took place on a farm, and I believe the farm is still there, but it is certainly not a permanent music venue.
• 1:08:25
  Matt: But was it?
• 1:08:26
  Matt: No, we are talking about something clear on the other side of the country in Los Angeles, California.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: It's the Hollywood Bowl.
• 1:08:38
  Matt: We're talking about the Hollywood Bowl.
• 1:08:41
  Eric: Honestly, I feel so much better now because I was never going to get that.
• 1:08:45
  Eric: Nowhere close, though.
• 1:08:46
  Eric: Nowhere close.
• 1:08:47
  Eric: I and I just look like an idiot in front of all of our like so many of our listeners were in the middle of writing like love letters.
• 1:08:56
  Eric: Like they were like, Eric, your voice makes it sound like you have qualities.
• 1:09:02
  Eric: It's full of confidence at work.
• 1:09:04
  Eric: Confidence.
• 1:09:05
  Matt: It filled me with confidence.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: And then they heard me, a 32-year-old man, say, uh, is Woodstock a venue?
• 1:09:14
  Matt: And then it was just and then they laughed at you.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: They laughed and cried and said, Maybe I do need to reconsider my life choices.
• 1:09:23
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: Maybe, you know, maybe I need a podcast of my own.
• 1:09:28
  Matt: And now you've just breeded our own competition.
• 1:09:31
  unknown: But you know what?
• 1:09:31
  Matt: I'm beating myself up a lot for tying your ass.
• 1:09:34
  Matt: You tied my ass, Eric.
• 1:09:37
  Matt: We did it in different orders, but we both.
• 1:09:40
  Matt: Ooh, we're flirting with disaster already.
• 1:09:42
  Matt: The first round, the first round of Google Gripe season two comes out two to two, baby.
• 1:09:49
  Matt: Two to two.
• 1:09:52
  Matt: How that's setting our setting ourselves up for failure.
• 1:09:56
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: But we'll see.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: We'll see.
• 1:09:58
  Matt: We'll see.
• 1:09:58
  Matt: We'll we'll we'll we'll figure something out.
• 1:10:01
  Matt: We'll split up this this rotation.
• 1:10:03
  Matt: But we'll feed you, baby birds.
• 1:10:06
  Matt: For the moment.
• 1:10:08
  Matt: That'll about do it for this episode.
• 1:10:10
  Matt: Do it.
• 1:10:10
  Matt: Matt, do you do you want to give them the business?
• 1:10:13
  Matt: I sure as shit do.
• 1:10:15
  Matt: So the business.
• 1:10:18
  Eric: That's the energy I want you bringing to this.
• 1:10:19
  Eric: Aggressive.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: Confidence.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:10:22
  Matt: Listen, the s the situation is as follows.
• 1:10:25
  Matt: We need your questions.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: God.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: And you can s you can submit those questions, the lifeblood of the podcast, in any number of ways.
• 1:10:32
  Matt: You can leave us a comment on social media, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:10:40
  Matt: That is the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:10:43
  Matt: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all those fucking places.
• 1:10:46
  Matt: Or you can write us an email at you didn't ask for this, gmail.com.
• 1:10:50
  Matt: That's all spelled out.
• 1:10:52
  Matt: Or you can even call the thought line and leave leave us a voicemail at 410-929-5329.
• 1:11:03
  Matt: And we will play that fucker on the show.
• 1:11:06
  Matt: Well, we might play it on the show.
• 1:11:08
  Matt: We'll probably play it on the show.
• 1:11:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:11
  Matt: There we go.
• 1:11:12
  Matt: But you gotta leave it.
• 1:11:14
  Matt: So call the number, leave the voicemail, have some laughs with us.
• 1:11:19
  Matt: If you want to apply to uh be on the show, as soon-to-be guest Holy Mole did, you can do that.
• 1:11:28
  Matt: If you uh want us to uh, you know, leave you a job reference, we can do that.
• 1:11:34
  Eric: We can do that.
• 1:11:35
  Eric: We will lie to a potential employer for your benefit.
• 1:11:39
  Matt: And it's not just questions.
• 1:11:41
  Matt: You got a local legend you want us to cover, give us that.
• 1:11:44
  Matt: If you want us to c cover your your weird neighborhood Facebook group's drama in an edition of Neighborhood Watch, give us that.
• 1:11:54
  Matt: We'll protect your identity.
• 1:11:55
  Eric: Don't you want to invent a bit for us?
• 1:11:58
  Eric: You want to give us less work to do?
• 1:12:00
  Eric: Invent a bit.
• 1:12:01
  Eric: We'll we'll commit.
• 1:12:03
  Eric: We will commit to your bits.
• 1:12:05
  Matt: Go to the bit lab and we will meet you there.
• 1:12:08
  Matt: As long as it doesn't get us canceled.
• 1:12:10
  Matt: That's a you daft guarantee.
• 1:12:12
  Eric: That's a you daft, god damn guarantee.
• 1:12:16
  Eric: Eric, did I miss any business?
• 1:12:18
  Eric: You didn't miss a goddamn thing.
• 1:12:20
  Matt: Well, hot diggity damn.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: Then let me just say this.
• 1:12:24
  Matt: What are you gonna say, Matt?
• 1:12:26
  Matt: Say it to him.
• 1:12:27
  Matt: From all of us here that you didn't ask for this.
• 1:12:30
  Matt: My name's Matthew Shea.
• 1:12:31
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:12:32
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:12:34
  Eric: But do you think I should bring back the mutton chops?
• 1:12:37
  Eric: Was that a good look?
• 1:12:38
  Eric: I I want you to answer what like no bits, this no bits to commit to right now.
• 1:12:43
  Eric: Would it look good on me?
• 1:12:45
  Matt: Eric, I will tell you this.
• 1:12:47
  Matt: Free from bitum.
• 1:12:49
  Matt: Okay?
• 1:12:50
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:12:51
  Matt: When you had mutton chops, okay, you looked like a man who would have mutton chops.
• 1:13:04
  Eric: Oh, he's got mutton chops.
• 1:13:09
  unknown: But the thing we might be