Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What does the Trauma Bond Feel Like?

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What does the Trauma Bond Feel Like? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what does the trauma bond
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  feel like? We got some input from other
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  survivors and thrivers when I posed this question on one of my
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  pages and whatnot, so make sure you stay tuned.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. So boom.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back, welcome back.
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  I put this post up 49 minutes ago on my Facebook.
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  It says, what does the trauma line feel like?
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  I'll see it right there. It's on my Facebook page.
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  Yeah, it's been up for 49 minutes and that's 212 comments
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  of survivors and thrivers and people that that are on their
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  healing journey or people that are have been through the
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  healing journey and whatnot to describe what the trauma bond
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  feels like. If you don't know what the
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  trauma bond is, it's that it's a traumatic, traumatic bonding
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  through abusive behaviors, through manipulation, through
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  emotional physical abuse, you get bonded to your abuser.
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  A lot of people describe it as a Stockholm syndrome or something
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  similar to that right there, right.
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  They describe it as that like literally it's Stockholm
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  syndrome. Like, you know, Stockholm
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  syndrome is right. It's like when you in love with,
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  like you get kidnapped and you fall in love with the kidnapper
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  or you start sympathizing with the kidnapper.
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  So this is what happens sometimes you start sympathizing
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  with your abuser. You start you.
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  This is like, it's harder to let go of this person because the
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  abuse has been so damn near malignant.
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  It's been so hard. It's been so prevalent for so
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  long. It's hard to release it.
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  It's hard to let it go because it feels like an addiction.
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  So I'm going to, I'm gonna read some of the comments.
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  I'm just going to him now. First person says anxious which
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  eventually leads to exhaustion. Once you're used up, it affects
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  your ability to think clearly and act on your own best
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  interest. Yes absolutely true.
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  Because once you get into the trauma bomb, it's like you start
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  sacrificing yourself more to get rid of that feeling.
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  You start sacrifice, you start going deeper into the hurt to
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  avoid it later on. You know what I'm saying?
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  It's the the pain of leaving is hard.
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  The pain of stain is hard as well.
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  You don't know what to expect either way.
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  So some people choose to stay because at least you have an
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  idea, right? At least you kind of know what
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  you're going to get if you leave.
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  You don't really know what you're going to get fully.
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  But if you stay, you understand exactly what's going to happen,
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  right? It's like in this space right
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  here, somebody else. But for me, it was always
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  feeling crushed and exhausted and hopeless.
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  But it's also feeling like I didn't deserve better because I
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  had no self worth. Exactly true because getting
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  into these toxic relationship dynamics makes you question your
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  own self worth. The narcissistic person or the
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  toxic person convinces you, convinces you that you this is
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  all your fault. Like what you're going through
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  right now is all on you. You deserve these behaviors.
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  You deserve this treatment because of what you've done.
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  You know you can't. Like nobody else is going to
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  want to put up with your BS. You're the abuser in this
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  situation. Not me, not I said the cat.
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  It's you. You're the actual abusive
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  person. I'm just here, I'm not doing
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  anything. I'm the victim, you're the
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  narcissist. This happens to so many people,
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  y'all. It really, really does.
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  That's why I split a roller coaster that never stops to get
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  off the rod. You need to fight, fight the
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  safety, buckle off even though it feels like you're tearing
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  yourself apart doing it, and jump out while speeding 100
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  kilometers an hour, 200 feet in there.
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  There's no cushion or safe landing, but you do survive.
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  You see right there. That's why I love you put but
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  you do survive and it's a fight to recover, but it's an absolute
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  relief and mixed feelings all at the same time.
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  You see, there's a lot of people describe the trauma bond as a
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  roller coaster of emotions because y'all, you can feel like
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  you. It's kind of like you're
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  fighting against your own since sometime because part of you,
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  the logical part of you knows that you should leave.
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  The logical part of your logical brain understands that you
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  should not be here anymore. The logical part of your brain
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  understands that this is abusive and this no longer serves you.
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  It's the emotional, your emotional brain that mixes up,
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  that mixes everything up. Your emotional brain takes over
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  and pushes logic to the side, right?
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  It overwhelms the logic. It just floods the like your
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  emotions flood out the logic. You know what I mean?
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  It just floods it out. Like the dams burst, like
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  there's like a section between the two and it bursts and the
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  emotions flood out the logic. So you go based on emotions
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  because the pain, the pain drives you.
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  Y'all pain is a pain is a driver, y'all.
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  It really, really is. Thank y'all for sharing this,
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  y'all. These are deep.
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  These are really, really deep. It feels like I can't breathe if
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  you leave me, but I want you to leave because you treat me like
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  you hate me. But you're also the only person
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  who makes me feel good. Oof.
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  Oof. Yeah.
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  I see it right there. That's how you get trauma
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  bonded. The same person that is hurting
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  you is the same person that is healing you.
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  When both healing and harm come from the same hand, come from
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  the same foot, come from the same person, it make it gets you
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  trauma bonded to the person. It's like you're scared of them,
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  but you need them. It's like this fearful, fearful
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  need. You see what I'm saying?
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  You, you don't want it, but you feel like you need it.
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  It's crazy how it works. You know it's not good for you,
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  but you feel like you need it because it makes you feel
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  better. It's really like chasing the
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  drug high. It's really like chasing an
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  addiction. And a lot of people describe it
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  as breaking an addiction to a drug.
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  It's like some people I've I've talked to actual addicts or
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  recovering addicts or whatnot, they say, hey, look, I usually
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  do this illicit drug. Breaking the trauma bond was
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  harder than getting off of this. And I'm not saying like to try
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  to demean anybody, try to invalidate anybodies struggle
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  with addiction or anything like that.
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  This is just stuff that I've heard from other people.
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  You know, this is things that I've heard from other people.
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  Yeah, that was a good one right there, y'all.
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  I mean, all of these are good and powerful, you know, good in
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  the sense that they can help you out.
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  They can help you understand that you're not alone in this
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  stuff right here, y'all. And I'm also, I'm also going to
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  share this in my support group, if I don't know, I have a
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  support group called the Mental Healers.
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  You can find everything@mentalillness.net.
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  Just Scroll down a little bit. You can find my coach in my
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  courses, every single thing, my support groups, everything at
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  mentalillness.net. Scrolling across the bottom of
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  the screen here and there every few seconds as well.
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  Somebody said I only experienced it for about four months since I
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  was quick to know what I was dealing with.
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  The narcissist, I felt so trapped and helpless, but I knew
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  that it was important for me to leave.
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  You see how the emotion her in that statement right there, her
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  emotional brain, her logical brain were fighting each other
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  in logic one in the situation, your emotions are going to try
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  to flood out. Let's say the emotion, your
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  emotional brain is going to try to flood out the the logic, but
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  sometimes logic got a vent. He's got a he's got a covert
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  logic and your logical brain and dug a dug a covert to get rid of
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  the emotional, the fluid really, really quickly, right?
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  You got a good sewer system, you got a good plumbing set up.
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  You know what? You got a good you got a good
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  plumbing set up your emotional brain, your logical brain part.
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  So I say it's toxic AF, but you find yourself forever thinking
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  of that person. You can be treated like crap and
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  still hold them on a pedestal. It's being so Co dependent on
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  that person. You lose yourself.
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  You feel like you need the person, you feel like they need
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  you. You feel like you need the
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  person that's destroying you at the same time, which
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  narcissistic people who get very good at y'all.
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  They make you feel like they blame you for the abuse so much
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  that you start taking responsibility for your own
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  abuse. You start taking responsibility
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  for your own pain and your own hurt.
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  The things that you're going through, you start taking
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  responsibility for you. Like, well it is kind of my
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  fault. I wouldn't raise my voice.
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  I want to get punched. You know what I'm saying?
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  If I would have raised my voice, I wouldn't have got hit in the
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  mouth. I wouldn't have raised my voice.
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  This wouldn't have happened. That is that that that that type
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  of stuff happens to so many people in these situations.
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  Y'all, you know what I say? Addiction, you know, it's toxic,
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  but feel only that they can make it better.
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  Like you can't breathe when they're not around.
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  Yep. And those right there in order
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  to break the trauma bond. Yeah, I know there's going to be
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  a question that comes up. That's one of the things you
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  have to get good at doing right there.
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  You have to get good at fighting through the most the fighting
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  through the pain, fighting through the hurt, fighting
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  through all of it. Like I said, when you're in put
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  like lean haven't. That's why I could create
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  created a support group, having a support group, having people
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  that can be there for you, having people that are there to
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  help you that you can lean on at the same time, like seriously,
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  this is the type of stuff that really does help you heal in the
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  long run. And that's why I was like, I
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  preach all this to people. I tell the people like if you
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  can fight through the if you can break the Trump mind, you can do
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  anything and that's not me BS. And if you can break the Trump
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  bond, you can do anything and everything.
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  It's definitely possible for you to do anything and everything to
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  break like I said, and anything and everything on this planet
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  and whatnot when everything in your life is better without
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  them. But you still hold hope for the
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  fake niceness they throw at you every once in a while, knowing
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  that you didn't know it a while when they are feeling generous.
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  Yep. You hope and long for the person
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  you originally met in the beginning.
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  The person you met in the beginning.
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  You want them back so bad like you can.
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  You damn, you can taste them like I miss them.
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  I want that person back. You fight to get that person
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  back. You're on it.
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  Trying to get that person back like you would help.
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  When you started breaking the trombone, you realize that that
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  person was a facade. The person you met in the
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  beginning, they sent their representative.
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  Now, not saying that they never cared about you or there's some
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  narcissist out there. They never, ever cared about
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  you. Yeah, that's true.
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  But a lot of a lot of narcissistic people do care
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  about you. But they can only hold it up for
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  a little bit of time. Yeah.
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  They can't hold it up for so long, Right?
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  Somebody said anxiety, exhaustion, loneliness,
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  loneliness, heartache, just a lot of a lot of good adjectives
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  right there. You know, because they describe
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  it in detail. What you're going to experience.
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  The anxiety, you know, always anxious, not knowing what to
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  expect, always on edge, walking on egg shells to how a lot of
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  people describe it, exhaustion. You're going to be physically,
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  mentally, emotionally tired all the time because they drain you.
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  These relationships with narcissistic people are
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  extremely draining because you're giving so much but
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  getting very little in return. You're point out like your your
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  effort is 100 but you're receiving is like 10.
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  You get very little. You mean she said loneliness.
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  You're never more alone than when you are Then when you with
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  a narcissist, then when you're in a cost relationship, you're
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  fit you you're you're not physically alone, but you're
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  emotionally alone. A person is emotionally
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  abandoning you. Their physical body is still
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  there, but they emotionally abandon you the worst you can
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  imagine. Everything in your body wants
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  them back, even though they did the most evil things to you.
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  It's the most difficult thing I've had to go through.
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  Yes, absolutely true. It's so hard going through this
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  and fighting through this and realizing that the person that
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  you loved and cared for is also the person who's done the most
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  harm to you, who's done the most damage to you, who's put you
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  through the most, who's who's opens you up to the most pain
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  you've ever experienced in your life.
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  You know they've done things to you you never thought would
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  happen to you from this person. They said that they loved you.
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  It's so confusing when you get confused so much if it does lead
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  to the trauma by all the confusion.
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  Your mind when your when your heart and your mind or your your
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  emotional brain and your logical brain are not in alignment.
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  Your heart and emotions will get you hurt.
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  They just will. Y'all.
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  It completely consumes you. Nothing else matters.
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  Literally nothing but the narcissist yourself is gone.
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  Everything you do revolves around them.
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  Everything. Yep, sometimes I see some people
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  that they get so deeply, get so deep in the trauma bond.
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  They sacrifice their own kids. They give their kids up.
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  You know what I mean? If they, if they are going
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  through, if the kids are from a previous relationship, they give
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  their kids up to be with the narcissist.
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  They give the kids up to be with the narcissistic person.
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  You know what I'm saying? The narcissist says I don't like
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  your kids. Your kids are causing us
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  problems. They give the kids to the other
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  parent and never them. Their hard to ever see them
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  again. I've had this happen before.
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  I've heard this before. In order to break the trauma
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  bond, you absolutely have to tell yourself the truth about
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  this person. Yeah, you can't.
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  You absolutely cannot, cannot do that, right?
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  You cannot do that. They really, really is really in
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  this space right there. Just how it goes.
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  Narcissistic people. Absolutely will, just like they
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  will try to confuse you, they try to trick you into believing
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  that they are somebody that they're not.
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  You have to tell yourself the truth.
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  You have to be willing to fight through the pain.
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  You have to be willing to do so many other things in order to
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  heal, in order to grow, in order to fight through, in order to in
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  order to just combat this type of stuff.
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  Like truly, in order to combat it, you have to be willing to
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  fight it to go through the pain. You have to be willing to go
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  through the pain. Be Yeah like you got to be ready
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  to beat the trauma bonds ass because that's how you win at
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  the end of the day. That's how you win like
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  seriously at the end of the day, that's literally how you win it
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  right there. You have to be able to fight
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  through the pain. You have to be able to fight
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  through and be resilient. You have to be able to survive.
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  You have to right here understand that you are enough
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  outside of this relationship. That's my this y'all know the
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  self love brand is still here. You're enough inside and outside
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  this relationship. You're absolutely enough.
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  You're healing, you're growing, you're thriving.
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  You have to understand that right there y'all there's 200
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  more comments on there. Y'all want to find a post this
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  on my Facebook and whatnot is my Facebook mental illness Facebook
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  account. You can find a post on there
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  like 200 comments is crazy. I don't realize it's going to
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  take off like that, but I just did this video.
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  Y'all just show y'all that you're not alone to show you the
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  other people out there to understand what you've been
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  through, other people out there to understand what you're going
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  through and other people out there that have made it through.
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  So many people said like it felt like this, but you finally break
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  it. If they can break it, you can
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  break it. Why not?
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  You don't start getting this. Don't do not start having that
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  self deprecating language. But Lee, they're stronger than I
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  am. Lee, they're better than I am.
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  Lee, they have more resources. Lee, they have this.
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  You can do it as long as you. That's the narcissist talking
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  through you right there. That's not you.
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  That's not you talking. That's the narcissistic person
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  talking through you, speaking through you like the devil.
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  You something like a puppet. They're talking to you like a
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  little narcissistic ventriloquist.
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  Anyways, y'all you're a little beep.
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  I had to hop off her to my I got a zoom call right now make you
• 14:11
  subscribe to the channel. Find everything about me and
• 14:13
  mental illness.net. I'm out.
• 14:16
  Peace. What's going on?
• 14:17
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 14:21
  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
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  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 14:26
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 14:29
  y'all y'all? It helps me reach more people as
• 14:31
  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 14:34
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 14:38
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 14:39
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 14:42
  I'm out.