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Transcript

Curating a Life · Infinitely Precious

• 0:00
  Intro: Welcome to the infinitely precious podcast produced by infinitely precious LLC. Your host is James Henry. Remember, you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 0:12
  James: Hello, beloved. It s me, James, and it s good to be with you this week. I have been thinking, that s usually the origin of these messages that I share with you on the Infinitely Precious podcast. I ve been thinking about our lives and the complexity of the lives in which we live where the line between our public and our private lives are so blurred these days. S hard to know where we fit in and how much information is too much information.
• 0:46
  And what are we really called to share? What can we put out there into the world? And what kinds of things can we or we perhaps keep to ourselves? Those kinds of things matter. So, I want to say first of all, for joining me on the Infinitely Precious podcast.
• 1:09
  So many of you out there listen to me, listen to the podcast for a word of hope and encouragement, maybe thought provoking material as well. And so that's the kind of thing that I try to produce in these moments. And so as I've been thinking about the complexity of life and this blurred space between public and private and what really is a good way to set boundaries. I've been thinking about living intentionally so that I can curate the stories of my life in ways that allow me to process them for myself and share them in ways that might be encouraging and helpful to other folks around me. How does my story fit into the story that we're all a part of?
• 2:05
  And so I know all of us have to figure out what those lines are. I remember some years ago being in a meeting where as a parent, we were encouraged to help our children understand that things that they said or posted on social media might remain with them for the rest of their lives. That the statements they might make might affect whether or not they could get a clearance to do secret work for the government or might affect whether or not they get a job that if they allowed themselves to be drawn into any kind of statements about other human beings, even as their brains were still forming in their teens that that could affect what might come for them down the line. And I think of all the things I read on social media that people post about what s going on in their lives and what s not going on in their lives. Seeking support or not seeking support.
• 3:23
  Encouragement. The question really becomes who am I and what is it really worth risking to share with the rest of the world? Are there appropriate risks to take only with those who are closest to me as opposed to a broad in general audience. Now, it's a thing I struggle with every single week. I struggle with it not only because I do the Infinitely Precious podcast but I'm also a part of a weekly podcast for Duluth United Methodist Church where I serve as pastor and an occasional monthly maybe podcast for spiritual not religious.
• 4:11
  And I preach pretty much every Sunday or most Sundays anyway. And part of preaching, sharing the faith journey, at least from my perspective, is being as transparent is appropriate, as authentic as I can be. Not pretending like I have it all together and my job as the preacher is to share how my altogetherness you could copy and have it all together. I like to share my own struggles because sharing them and being transparent about them invites the other to recognize they too, their struggles are real and they're not alone in struggling. That's part of being alive, part of being an adult, part of trying to make faith and spirituality a part of our everyday lives.
• 5:04
  It's hard work and it's a hard balance. So how do we do it? How do we do it in a way that's meaningful that could make a difference in the larger world? What does it mean? So, this question is how I would frame it.
• 5:27
  What does it mean to curate our lives intentionally? We curate our stories. We listen to them. Sometimes we embellish them. So in certain places, people think we fit the mold of who we want them to.
• 5:48
  We train people to hear us, to see us certain ways. We spend a lifetime doing that. And so then we have to fit into the way we've trained them. So we present a story in a certain way to show ourselves in that light, even if it may or may not feel completely true to us. So, what do we do so that we don't find ourselves being so overly careful we don't share anything about ourselves.
• 6:18
  So, no one has any idea who we are. But on the other side, not on the other side, and I've aired on both sides. I'm speaking as someone who's aired on both sides, who shared too little, perhaps when the moment called for a little bit more risk. And sometimes when I felt a little too much like at the end I told too much of my story, that perhaps it wasn't the appropriate form to do that. How can we be ourselves?
• 6:51
  So, I sort of in my mind began to think about the spectrum of sharing. First of all, is the masked curator. The one who wears a controlled polished mask so that people think that the training they're giving about who they are and what they're about is actually very scripted, if you will. It becomes and I find that the people who are mass curators are fearful of who what it might mean if people really saw them. Fearful that if you saw me for who I am, you might not like me.
• 7:39
  So at least if you don't like the fake me, it does it's not a big deal to me. But if you don't like the real me, then it really becomes problematic. So it can be fear and it can also be other people's expectations. Often expectations that we created by the person we played the last time we were with them. So that's the masked curator.
• 8:04
  Then there's the unfiltered Revelator, the one who reveals everything, shares everything, even sacred wounds in spaces with people who will not treat those sacred wounds gently, who will and impart their filter of where is appropriate perhaps was broken a long time ago by some tragedy or trauma in their lives. But they re unfiltered in their revelations. And they re seeking connection and release. Perhaps as the song that came out in the 80s, I still remember it looking for friends in all the wrong places or looking for love in all the wrong places. That was the song.
• 9:03
  There are intimate places to share our deepest struggles And there are perhaps places where sharing our deepest struggles are not appropriate. So, the question about the unfiltering is worth considering. Perhaps the last of those three ways of doing it might be the integrated revealer, the one who actually considers or discerns what's appropriate to talk about, what's appropriate to share, what's appropriate to ask of others. If we don't ever ask, we'll never know. But on the other side of that, what is the expectation we can have for other people?
• 9:48
  What is appropriate? So they practice a kind of discernment, what is appropriate to share, what's not. Share us honestly but with care. Care about what they say. And that's kind of an important thing to do.
• 10:05
  Curating your stories doesn't mean necessarily, doesn't have to mean hiding. It can be an act of care for ourselves and for others. Sometimes sharing too much information can actually overwhelm the others in our lives. So what are some spiritual practices that might help you and me in this journey? One thing that you might consider practicing is imagining in how in many spiritual traditions there's kind of a veil between what's most sacred and what's perhaps slightly less and deciding for yourself.
• 10:53
  Catch your breath. What is the sacred line for me? What is the best way to care for my inner life? If I reveal this, am I gonna feel so exposed and vulnerable that it will impact my ability to engage the world around me? What are the sacred places within me that I ought to guard?
• 11:20
  How might I use them effectively to be the kind of person that wants to help other people in everyday life that wants to journey with them and encourage them, but at the same time recognizing that oversharing is not appropriate and might push them to another place or might make them feel uncomfortable to engage. Might you feel might make you feel uncomfortable to be around them anymore because now they know too much about you. Just some thoughts. I want to offer some questions. These are some questions for your own consideration.
• 11:57
  Perhaps you will journal about them. Perhaps you will think about them. What am I offering the world and what am I protecting? That is the first question. What am I offering the world?
• 12:12
  What am I protecting? Second question, am I performing or connecting? I suppose life is performance art. All the world s a stage. Didn Shakespeare tell us that?
• 12:27
  So am I performing or am I connecting? Am I drawing attention to myself or opening a door for connecting with myself? A third question might be where do I need more boundaries? Or where do I need more courage? What are some spaces where you find yourself maybe a bit open, a little bit too much open?
• 12:59
  Where are some spaces that you find yourself too reserved? Where would be best to draw that line? Where can you be more courageous? Where can you have more boundaries? Who helps me hold space for myself?
• 13:14
  Who are those appropriate people that help us hold what needs to be held as sacred? That can walk with us knowing these wounds we carry, these sacred secrets, these parts of ourselves that we are still learning to love ourselves without oversharing them. The fifth question, what practices help me listen inwardly before I speak outwardly? Perhaps it's meditation, perhaps it's a daily journal, things that are on your mind, on your heart that maybe don't need to be said out loud. Let me leave you with these thoughts.
• 13:54
  Your story is sacred. You're not required to say everything in your mind, in your heart to be a real person. Not everybody is entitled to know everything about you. Whether you're a public figure or not. You get to choose.
• 14:15
  You don't have to say everything to be real. You're not required to hide your light in order to be safe. The story Jesus tells about not lie hiding your light under a bushel. You're not required to hide the light. In order to be safe.
• 14:33
  You know, letting your light shine is a good thing. How you curate your life is part of how you love yourself and the world you're part of. These are things to be thoughtful about. I wrote some of those thoughts down so I could share with you at the end. Remember no matter how you curate your life that you are infinitely precious and unconditionally loved for the gift you already are.
• 15:00
  Don't let anyone tell you anything different because it is absolutely true. So until the next time I see you or you hear me again, I wish you all the very best.