Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 58. Beauty From Ashes Story - Walking Through Fire: A Mother's Story of Faith During Childhood Cancer with Alex Woldhuis

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58. Beauty From Ashes Story - Walking Through Fire: A Mother's Story of Faith During Childhood Cancer with Alex Woldhuis · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here on the podcast.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I am so excited to have I think we're on our third episode in the series of Beauty from Ashes, where we are just hearing stories from different individuals who have walked really difficult paths in life.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: The last two that we've heard from have come through that struggle and are able to talk about it from the other side of the pain, and today we have a very special guest with us who's still kind of right in the throes of the struggle and has been willing to come and talk to us.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: This is my dear friend, alex Waldhais, and she is walking through a difficult journey with one of her children.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: She's a mama of three, married to her husband, james and Alex.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I am just so grateful that you are willing to take time.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: She's sitting in her car, away from those little kiddos, trying to find some peace and quiet.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Just a real mom walking through real life with high highs and low lows, and she is just going to share with us a little bit of her journey.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: So, alex, if you wouldn't mind just to start, talk to us just a little bit about who you are, what's going on, what your life looks like, and then we'll jump in a little bit more to your story.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds good.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: My three kiddos are Charlie, nick and Evie, and Charlie is my oldest, he's six, and Nick is three, going to be four on Sunday.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: And then Evie is one and my husband James.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: We are homeschooling for the first time my oldest.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: He's in kindergarten and we do a homeschool hybrid for that, so that's gone well so far.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: And then my son, nick, is who we're talking about today.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: We're walking through leukemia with him and Evie is just the baby of the family, trying to keep up with everybody else.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: We live in Kalamazoo, michigan, and it is a little bit warmer the past few days, so we're ready for some nice sun and warmer temps so we can get back outside a lot.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know Just the difference of being able to take a walk outside, what that does for your soul or for kids to run, and the dirt and the stuff starting to get a little bit greener.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It's still pretty darn yellow and brown but slowly that green is poking through, which actually is such just a good visual picture too of even the story that you're in, just the kind of the winter season but looking forward to spring and growth and healing.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: So, if you don't mind, alex, just jumping right in, know listeners this series that we're doing once a month this whole year.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: I just felt really heavy on my heart that it was important to talk about real life stories about how we all face adversity.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: We all face different struggles in life and I'm a firm believer that a struggle kept silent is a struggle wasted.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I know sometimes it's very difficult to talk about it in the midst of the struggle, but I just believe that when we're vulnerable and when we share authentically that our story truly helps others that are walking through similar stories or who can relate to pieces of that.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: And you know the majority of our listeners are moms and so I think every single person listening when you say Nick, our sweet four-year-old who was walking through leukemia.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: There's a little bit of a gasp and a heaviness and some of these stories are even really hard to even have conversations around because there is fear.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: As moms, I think, always like, ah, what if that would happen to my kid?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: But walk us back just to the beginning of that journey, just kind of how you started to notice that some things just seemed off with Nick.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it was a few weeks.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: It was last, probably March, so almost a year ago that he was just like he started kind of getting sick.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: He had some low grade fevers and he's kind of always been my kid that's a little bit more sickly than the others, like if everybody gets something, it just took him longer to get over it.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: And so when he was sick but nobody else was sick, it was kind of like low grade fevers.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: He would be super tired, he would try and go outside and play and then just like come right back in, he was just too tired, he was cold and I'm like man, this is a really bad bug.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And then it just kind of started getting a little bit like worse and worse.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: He wasn't getting over it.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: So this is over the span of a few weeks.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Then Then into April, one day I remember he was taking a nap he woke up and yelled from the room.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: He was like mom, can you get me?
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I'm too tired, and so I knew at that point something was definitely more wrong than normal.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: And then, I think probably just within a few days after that, he woke up one morning with like little speckles all over him, which I now know is from little platelets, but it looked like not really a rash, but it looked like little, like dark spots under his skin.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: So it wasn't like on top of his skin like a normal rash and I'm like, all right, I guess we really need to take you in and see what's going on.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: His lip was swollen, there were bags under his eyes, and so we got an appointment, went to the regular pediatrician and I was like I don't know like showing him, showing her the rash on him, and he was just so like tired.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: He just was kind of crying and whining and up until this point, like honestly, I was kind of crying and whining and up until this point, honestly, I was kind of losing my patience with him because he was just so whiny and I'm like what is wrong with this child?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: And this is terrible to even think back and say.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: But I remember also one time getting him out of bed and changing his diaper and he was just so whiny and I remember, like what is wrong?
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Like just get it together, child.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: And so anyways, at the doctor she kept asking me like you know, have you changed your laundry detergent?
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I think he's just picking his lip, it's getting swollen and I'm like it's not that I have not changed my laundry soap, nothing like that.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: And I remember really asking can we do blood work?
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Because this has been going on a long time.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: And I told her about some other blood work we had had with him the year prior.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: We were treating him for Lyme for six months.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: So there's a lot going on prior to this where I'm like you know things had showed in his blood before and now like I just don't know.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: And I wish I would have been more firm at the time, like not asking her if we should get his blood check, but just telling her, because she really was like I just don't think it's going to see anything.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: It's not going to show anything.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So we walked out of her office.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: She has nothing other than maybe an antibiotic which I wasn't going to do for a swollen lip, and so, as we're ready to check out, I'm just stewing like holding this kid who's just miserable, trying to think of like okay, where else can I go to get his blood check?
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Like we have another doctor, but it takes months to get in there.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Like what am I going to do?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: I need something fast.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: And then she walked out of her office and was like actually, you know, with all the other things you told me, with the other blood work he had, maybe we should do blood work.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: And so I was like, yes, thank you.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: So she ordered it.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: It still took me two days later to go in just to the regular lab at our local hospital and get the blood work done.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: It's terrible getting any kid poked.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: So that was traumatic.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: And I remember leaving there and telling my husband like okay, that is over with.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Hopefully that's the worst of it, but also like a pit in my stomach knowing like this is probably not the worst of it.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: And so a couple hours later I was looking at the MyChart on my phone and the results were there and I'm looking at it and I'm like I can tell there's a lot of numbers off here, but I don't know what any of this means.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know anything about blood or lab work.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: And so I called my pediatrician.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I said the results are back.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you got them and it was a voicemail.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: So then she called me back and said so you saw the results.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: There's some numbers off.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: She kind of assumed I knew what these meant.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I'm like yeah, she's like okay, are you home right now?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: That's when I just kind of broke down because I knew it was bad.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: She's like so you saw the numbers were off.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, is it bad?
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: What is it?
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Is it like lupus?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: You know, you can Google a lot of things?
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And she's like yeah, it might be cancer.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: They found blasts in his cells in the blood.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: And so I just started crying and she said and at the time Nick was laying on my lap, I had, like the two other kids by me on the couch, because he was just so miserable and she's like so the ER is waiting for you.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: And so I got off the phone with her.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I called I don't remember even if I called my husband first, I must have and said like I need you to come home, like we need to take Nick to the hospital.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: And I also then called my mom, who worked right down the road, and she came over to watch the other kids.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: And so, within a matter of hours, we are now at the hospital in the ER room.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I get another call from my pediatrician that says actually, nevermind, skip, er, go to third floor, you're getting admitted.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: And I remember, though you know, packing up getting ready to leave for the hospital, like not totally rushing, because I'm like I think we're going to be here a little while Like we need to pack some stuff and make sure we've got like I don't even remember what I packed, honestly, but enough stuff that it wasn't going to be like a one day visit.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: We got there finally, got to our hospital room and so I'm sitting on the bed with Nick on my lap and a resident doctor came in, which I didn't I don't know anybody, so I didn't really know that at the time, and she's like so you know why you're here.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: And I'm like no, I don't.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Like there's something wrong with blood.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Like my pediatrician said maybe it's cancer.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: They said go to the ER.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Then come here, here we are.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: And no, I don't.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: And she's like well, it's cancer.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: They said go to the ER.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Then come here, here we are.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And no, I don't.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And she's like well, it's cancer.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: And so I'm like, holy cow, like this is a lot of news all at once and it was done so poorly.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Looking back now, because now, after I'm talking to other cancer moms, that's not how all announcements like that go, but in a whirlwind I think there were like six ladies in the room then of like, holding this kid down, one's trying to distract him with a little light, spinny thing while they're trying to put his IV in.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: And it was so horrible, I am bawling, I'm holding him and they're trying to get his IV in.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Like six of us just holding this poor kid down, and so all in that it seemed so short.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: We got to the hospital and all of a sudden now he has an IV and the oncologist comes in shortly after that and was like okay, so he needs blood right now.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: He's going to have surgery tomorrow, chemo tomorrow, and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, like I don't even know what's going on.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: This is all happening tomorrow.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of where the beginning of the story ends, at least for getting to the hospital.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, wow.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Well, first of all, I'm so glad that you trusted your mom gut and I think all moms battle with that like okay, is this a normal illness?
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: When is this now getting to the next level?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: And by the time you know, as a mom, like my kid is not right, like something is not right to get to that doctor's office and kind of have it Maybe it's laundry detergent.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: We're in your mom heart.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: You know this is not an allergy issue, this is something bigger.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: So, so cool to hear the story of how she kind of came out.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: It's like she got that moment of silence and was like you know what?
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: That mom probably actually knows what's going on and just always trust in that mom gut.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: But yes, I feel like that was pretty poorly handled.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I remember being on the other side of it, hearing as all this was happening.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Alex and I worked together.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: We have a lot of mutual friends and so right away those prayer chains start and just not really knowing but knowing that something's not good and the information was coming super quickly.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: So you go through all this initial treatment.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: There is a surgery, correct the next day.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: What does the next couple of days look like for you?
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so he went into surgery to get a port, because that's where they're going to continue to do treatments now for the next two and a half years basically.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: And so I also remember our oncologist saying he needed blood.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: So he got blood.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I think that first day we were there and then he needed that in order to go into surgery and that going into surgery, like sending him off, was one of the absolute hardest things to do, because he this like poor little three-year-old, you know, like he's still sitting on my lap on the hospital bed they come, get him for surgery or wheel down into, you know, the pre-op room and thankfully they could give him some anesthesia to kind of make him loopy and have him not totally know that James and I are leaving him at that point and that was just really probably one of our hardest points as a parent, you know, leaving him on that hospital bed or wheeling him away, and you know, as a mom, your mind just goes absolutely crazy.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Like, for the doctors, it's probably no big deal, it's one more port, it's anesthesia, he's going to come out of it.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: He's going no big deal, it's one more port, it's anesthesia, he's going to come out of it, he's going to be fine.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: But in my mom mind I'm like what if he doesn't wake up from just surgery?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Like what if something goes terribly wrong?
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Like this might be the absolute last time you see my kid and thankfully it wasn't but James and I just kind of stood there still in the pre-op room just like we could not hold it together, and so we went back into, like the waiting room and it was just really, really, I think, hitting us at that point.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: So he came out of surgery, fine, and then actually one of the girls the transport girls was actually my old childhood neighbor, it was so crazy.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: She came in to get him, to bring us back to our regular room.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like Angela, Alex, and it was just another little sign from God.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: I guess that there's a lot of people involved here and he is in God's hands.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: We are in God's hands, and so we get back to the hospital, our normal hospital room, and then we were there for a total of five days, which is actually seems really short compared to these other families that I've talked with.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: So that in and of itself was a blessing, because it is no fun sitting in a hospital room.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: And just all that trauma coming at you so quickly to think about what your mind, body and spirit, you and James, had to go through.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: And sweet Nick, right In that small chunk of time in 24 hours, to go from maybe he's got a little bit of a flu bug to there's cancer, there's a treatment plan, there's years in your future that are going to be in this.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: You've got these other kids.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Just the amount of stuff that's coming at you.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I just so heavy on a mom's heart and just to not even being able to have time to process that.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: And it's sweet just to hear those little God winks of the good friend and just knowing that God does put those things into place for us to just give us those little reminders.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: So now you're just about a year in and the treatment I believe right, you said is two and a half years.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: So there's this, this new life I would imagine for you of you have to move out of the shock and the trauma stage and don't know how long that takes you and what that process was like for you to then get to the place where you have to try to resume life.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say as normal but you try to get your life back on track with routines and other kids and going back to jobs and work and just watching you how you've shown up this whole time, just so strong and I'm sure there's times where you don't feel like that's the case but just continuing to plow through as an amazing mom and working your business where you can and really being an advocate.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I feel like you've taken on a new role on your resume in this last year because I have watched you grind and research and align yourself with others who can help you.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Come alongside the doctors that are helping Nick to try to do everything you can to get him as healthy as possible.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: What has the last year really looked like for you guys and trying to get back to some kind of normal life while in the midst of working through this cancer protocol?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is the tough question, I think, because at the very beginning of all this, I remember still sitting in our hospital room and the nurse is kind of giving us an overview of like okay, this is going to be, you know, two and a half years.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: He's going to have this port for two and a half years.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: And one specific thing I remember her telling me and this is part of where the beginning of advocating for your child one example at least can come from, because she said he's not going to be able to swim and like right there, I'm just like.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I think I broke down.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: I'm like what, you're not going to let a three-year-old swim in the summer in Michigan, like that is so, so hard of all the other crappy things and then to take their fun away.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: So at the very beginning I decided we're going to try to keep as normal of a life as we can.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Like there's no going back to normal, like all of a sudden your whole entire world is shaken because you don't go back at the end of treatment and get to have a normal three-year-old childhood.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: You know you're going to be five and a half at the end of this and so one of the things.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know where I got it or whatever, but it was just like, okay, we are going to try to do whatever we can and if you feel good enough to do it, I'm going to let you do it.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: We are not going to live in fear these next two and a half years because your mental health, like his mental health, is so important Our mental health as parents, like we need to be able to go through this confidently and without fear and with peace that God is totally in control.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: He has all of these things planned out and so going from that to like a regular, normal life, that's kind of where we have gone, like if he feels good enough to do it, we're going to let him do it.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: We haven't held back on really going to events.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: We haven't masked him up Like there's just a lot of things that we knew Part of healing is not just staying inside and medication right, there's so many other things and if he's in a good mood, if I can keep him pretty happy, I think that's going to help his healing.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: And so one of the things I decided doesn't even make sense to me to not be able to swim in, and so I said, okay, that's kind of ridiculous In my mind.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: I didn't tell my nurse this, but I'm going to let this kid swim and then come to find out after talking to a few other moms who also were told that.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Then one of the other doctors said who told you that?
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Because some of these cancer kids go to camps, they go swimming there?
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: She said, no, he can swim, they can swim.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: And so one of those kind of just gut checks of like if you think something is a little off or a little extreme, like trust it, because as I've gone through this journey, you can ask three different doctors and they will give you three different answers.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Same thing for nurses.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: And so we just made our own set of.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: They're not even rules, it's just like, okay, we're going to take your advice, but we're going to take our own risks too.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: And so I did not ever tell him he couldn't swim.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: He could swim in pools, he could swim in lakes, and I think that was so huge for last year, especially because, as he was starting to feel good enough to do things, I'm not going to tell this kid no for something else now after going through all that trauma.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: So now, a year in.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I would say our days look pretty normal.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: There isn't a whole lot of extra we're doing.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: We have to go in for lab checks every month or so Sometimes they've been sooner than that, but we're only on every three months now for IV chemo, so he doesn't have to get poked so often, and then we have our pills and supplements at home.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of the biggest thing at home right now.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: That's a little different than prior cancer times where every night we're going through and we're giving him his greens we call it, and there's probably I don't know, it's legit like 20 to 30 things in a little cup.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: I mix all together and give him.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: So other than that, though, he's feeling very good right now.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: He plays like normal, he's playing with other kids, and so that has been such a blessing to see Like as a mom, when your kid is doing well, you're doing much better too.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's that saying the mom can only have the amount of joy that her least joyful.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Or you know any of those situations Like if you have a kid who's doing great and you have one that's doing horrible.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: You're going to feel the emotions of the one who's really struggling and so that is such a blessing that he is doing so well.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I, on your Facebook, I was looking today just a little bit back through some older posts and I saw a really sweet post I think maybe your husband had posted it where, when all of Nick's hair started to fall out, that his brother, Charlie, and dad both did a full shave as well of their little bald heads.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit just about that experience.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was sad, and not sad at the same point, because it was, I think, the start of phase four, we call it.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: He made it a very long time into treatment without losing his hair and then one day it just started falling out in chunks and we're like, okay, yeah, well, it's going to be time, we're just going to have to shave this off.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: And it literally did not phase him at all, like he didn't care that his hair was falling out at all, but it was.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: It was very cute because my husband's bald anyways, and so he can match dad now.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: And then Charlie got on board and wanted to do that too.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: And then funny thing with Charlie it was shortly before school started and he's like well, I don't want to go to school like this.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: And I'm like sorry, bud, it's gone now.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: It's a little too late for that.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: So it was just sad for me because it looked like he was sick.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: Now, up until that point you really may not know that first month he was so, so swollen from steroids, he looked terrible.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: But as that started to go away then it was still like he's kind of a normal kid.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: But then when the hair is gone, you're like, oh, you look like a cancer kid now.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: So it is nice now that it has grown back.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, got all of his little sweet boy hair back.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about just your journey as the mom and I know you have a strong faith, you have before this cancer diagnosis how would you say your faith has been impacted or grown or been tested in this season?
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: As a mom you know I say it all the time I've talked to many people on the podcast about like you can be a really strong believer.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: And then there's like this little part of you that's always like I'll give you everything.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: You can have my house, you can have my car, you can have my health, but just like let's are you clear on the sign on my kids and my husband.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: That's like don't touch.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: So what has that journey been like for you?
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: That journey, I'm sure, of surrender that started all the way back in the doctor's office to current.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: How has that impacted you?
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it has been, for sure, a difficult year, but also one where I mean it truly is just the grace of God that we have gone through it and made it this far and also having the peace that I do.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: There's certainly been days and moments where it's just like a huge hit in your stomach that you cannot get over, but this is definitely not the first hard thing that I've gone through in life, and so I have had a lot of practice, I'm going to say, building that faith and truly trusting that God is in control, and that is something that now, going through this, it was kind of like sigh and then okay, but God is in control, god is in control and he's not let me down.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Thus far.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: I know he's not going to let me down now, so it was a little bit maybe easier to trust this time around.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: You know, I lost my sister when I was 19.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Job situations, job loss, trials, hardships in marriage, and then this it's a little bit like I don't want to say another thing, but it was really kind of just like okay, it's another thing, like I totally know and feel that God is with me and has been with me, really know and feel that God is with me and has been with me, and so it was one of these times now I took a little different perspective on this compared to some other things prior in life, where it's like okay, god, I know you're not wasting my pain, I know you're not wasting Nick's pain.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: I am actually excited to see what is going to come from this.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: I know there will be good from this, and I remember telling a few people Danielle, your sister, one of them like I don't know why it's happening now, but I know that I'm sure I'll be able to share this story.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: I am sure there will be things that I'm going to learn and I'm going to grow in my faith.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: It's going to help my marriage and my business and parenting.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: I just felt like this is another way God is somehow building me, even though it really really sucks, but this time around of this life hardship it did.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I had more peace than I have probably with anything else up until this point.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: It is so crazy to say that, and it's truly the grace of God that is working in me, but I knew, no matter what, even if Nick died, that he would have me, and I don't like to think about the what ifs, and so that's another thing that I would just encourage anyone going through that like, take it day by day.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: You literally cannot do anything about tomorrow, and that verse just kept popping in my head.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: What one of you can add one hour to your life by being anxious and worrying?
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: And so I have struggled with that.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I let my mind wander and go there sometimes and I snap it back because it's not a good feeling to live with that pit in your stomach, and so I wanted to live in peace and comfort, and so I just made that decision, kind of in the beginning of all of this, that we're not living in fear, we're going to live with peace, and we're going to.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: We trust that God is with us in all things.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: I think it's so powerful that you bring up the past trials that are massive.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: You have, I would agree, had some massive trials that a lot of people later into their life haven't had loss like losing a sibling.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: And to have the perspective now although I know you would do anything to be able to change the outcome of that situation but to be able already to see how that suffering the Bible talks about what happens when they're suffering and that it produces perseverance, and it is that reliance on God.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: That's the only thing that's not changing.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: The only thing in your life, in my life, in Nick's life, that's constant is the love and the reassurance that we have in our faith with the Lord.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Everything else I feel, like marriage, children, attitudes, finances, all of that stuff is on this wheel that's just spinning and it's up and it's down, but our security and what we have in the Lord is steadfast and it's constant and it's strong.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: And just to even hear you talk about how those suffering those times earlier, how they prepared you for this, I think that's such a testimony too to people who maybe right now you're going through maybe what feels maybe not like a crisis, but is a hard, or maybe you're in the first really, really hard thing in your life, and I think you can get into those times and it can feel like there's nothing left.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: For me, this is too hard.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: There is no more purpose.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I can't see past this pain, but just even to be able to hear you talk about, you know that pain of losing your sister and then, years later, how part of that prepared you for how you were going to handle this suffering at this stage in your life, and so I think that's super, super powerful, alex.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: So let's just talk about moving forward.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of mamas that are listening.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I think, one thing that all of us struggle with and I have tried to be really conscious about it I read a book by Bob Goff called Everybody Always.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've read that one, alex, probably one of the most impactful books I've ever read, and the whole thing is about just never asking for permission to love people, and I think we live in a society where we're so always trying to be careful about.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I want to do the right thing, I want to say the right thing.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I don't want to step on toes.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: I don't want to you know barge through All these different things that our humanness makes us question.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe what our heart is is prompting us or telling us to do and I used to be really guilty of when somebody came upon hardship to just say let me know if there's anything I can do.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Let me know if there's anything I can do, reach out if you need something.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: And just feeling convicted after reading that book, that I don't need to ask permission to love people, I don't have to ask permission to show up at your door with a meal or to send a care package to your kid or to Venmo and say go get a coffee on me.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: What would you say to people who have family, friends, neighbors, classmates that are walking through really, really difficult stages?
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Can you give any examples of people who just walked right in to the heartache with you and just were there?
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: And maybe just some encouragement to those of us that don't always know how to show up for people who are really hurting?
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Well, there has been a huge amount of people and friends and community that has come around us and supported us, and so first of all, I will say well, thank you to all of them.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: But for you I am guilty of that too, I think a lot of us even as we are in the hardships in life, we still sometimes don't know what to do and we say let us know if you need anything, and nobody really ever reaches back out, right.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: So there are some very specific things that stick out to me, though, that people have helped us with.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: For sure, all the meals have been incredibly helpful.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Those first couple months I mean, we were just barely staying above water with the treatments and keeping him comfortable and then to not have to think about dinner literally for three months.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: One of my friends set up a meal chain and so many people afterwards told me like I went to go sign up for a meal and it was booked, and it was like booked in a couple days, I think for three months plus, and so meals always are helpful, gift cards to DoorDash or something also super, super helpful.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Childcare was extremely helpful and especially on the days of treatments, there were multiple times where one of my sister-in-laws came down like drove 45 minutes to pick up the other two and some of these are very early mornings and then drove them back and brought them back and that was just a huge, huge help to not have to worry about the other two while we were both at chemo.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: And one of my other friends who's a cancer mom mentioned this and it kind of feels the same for me too, but a lot of the times my mother-in-law will now watch my other two kids and sometimes my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law will tag team it or whatever.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: But on those treatment days just to have somebody around was so helpful to me.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like they're going through it with you even though they're not there.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: And one of my other friends who's a cancer mom said the same thing.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Like one of her friends said, I can work from home on your treatment days.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to work at your house and I'll be here when you come back.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: If you need anything, you know I'm here.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: And just to kind of debrief a little bit after those appointments was so helpful.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Some of those are the biggest things I can think of.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, prayers.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: I know people probably all over the world at this point are praying.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: We can feel it.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: We still need it.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: That's probably number one.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: I should have started with that.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: But need it, that's probably number one.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: I should have started with that.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: And then also, of course, financial help is huge.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: There is a lot of expense with treatment.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Thankfully, the medical side of things is really covered by at least Michigan in our case.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: But the other things that you don't necessarily think about, but like supplies at home and, yes, extra dinners out and just better groceries and we're trying to do more, we're all organic and some of these things are more expensive grocery money, gift cards, whatever all of that has been so helpful.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: And then, in our case, since we are doing a lot of other more natural supplements alongside of those things I haven't officially added it all up, but it's expensive and it's probably around $500 a month at this point of just extra things we're giving him to help minimize the side effects.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: So all of those things really, really do help and you think about just the basic things that in the day-to-day you're like you get through and you just don't even think about it.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: But I can relate to that with having several different seasons of people in hospitals, or my husband after his heart attack, where the fatigue the decision fatigue, the information fatigue, the physical fatigue is so overwhelming that there were times that I would stand in the kitchen and just cry because I'm like I don't even know what to feed my family and I feel so depleted that I really want something healthy.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: And going through another drive-through feels like I just can't keep doing that to my body.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: And so just those basic things the childcare, the house cleaning, the little you know go get yourself a coffee gift card while you're waiting at chemo all the different things.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I just think that it is such a good reminder to all of us that just be looking.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: I know sometimes it can feel helpless and there can be a lot of hurt around, but when you have a large community around you and everybody's willing to do a couple of little things, that are just the basics of getting through the day, how that adds up.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: So I love that you shared that To kind of wrap this up, alex, what would you say this?
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: And it sounds like you already were kind of on this journey, just with having walked through some hard stuff in life already.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: But what has now?
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: As a mom, having a child, that's sick.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Having two other kids, you had literally a newborn when this diagnosis came.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: So even just your body adjusting to all of that.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: But what would you say that Nick's journey?
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: Has it changed your perspective on parenting on the day-to-day, on the future?
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: How has has this journey impacted just kind of your thoughts on how you show up in life?
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have been thinking about that and you know from other prior hardships.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I know life is short, I know life is precious, but I think this has been one of the most impactful things to say, like everything I want to do as a mom.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: I want to have eternal value and it really.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: I want my kids to grow up and love Jesus and I want them to know that God is with them through everything, because there are going to be times where James and I aren't there.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: And it hit me the most when we sent Nick back for his surgery to get his port that I can't go with you now, but God is with you and he's going to protect you.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: And to a little three-year-old kid and under anesthesia I don't even know if you remember that right.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: But I do want them to know that, as young of an age as they can remotely understand, and that, I think, hit me the most where I'm, like man, I have to do a better job of that because I'm not.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing as good of a job as I could have, and now this happened and it's like yikes, you're only three but I've really got to make sure you know this, because I'm not going to be there all the time, but I want you to grow up and love Jesus, and so that has been one of the takeaways.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: And then a second thing a practice that I've done for years is just like focus on what I am grateful for and every day write that down.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: And so I've started that with my kids.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I ask them most days Nick, what are you grateful for, charlie, what are you grateful for?
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: Because even in the midst of this there's so much to be grateful for, and now sometimes I forget, and Nick will be like mom, mom, what want to know what I'm grateful for?
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: And so that has been so rewarding that these little things that we can do every day truly are helping my kids to build their relationship with Jesus and, on the physical side of things help our minds focus on what we can be grateful for, and I really believe that helps healing overall.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: Absolutely I.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Just when you were saying that, it makes me sing in my head a song that we grew up singing the rejoice in the Lord always.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: And again I say rejoice to be able to teach our kids that, no matter what suffering is happening in our lives, what a powerful message that is, as parents, to give our kids that, yes, this can be hard, yes, this can be sad, yes, this can be scary, and in spite of that, we can still rejoice in the Lord always and we can find things to be grateful for and rest in that promise that he is who he says he is, and that promise of eternity and salvation.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: And so what a gift it is that your kids are probably getting to experience that in a way, at these tiny ages, that you don't even realize is going to impact their life and prepare them, at a much younger age probably, to be able to handle objection and suffering because of the way that they're watching their brother and themselves walk through a really, really difficult season.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: So, alex, it has been a privilege to be able to watch you closely through social media and just through getting to do life with you, to watch how you have navigated this with a strength that I'm sure you would say is supernatural and a piece that passes all understanding.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: That the Bible talks about.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: That is not that everybody doesn't have that.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: If you don't have that spiritual perspective, what would be any last minute word that you would leave to a mom going through any kind?
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I think you can probably relate most to health crises where it feels so helpless.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Because in those moments when our kids are sick, I know there's been times where I've prayed Lord, give it all to me, give that illness to me, let me have to do the chemo, let me have to be exhausted and sick, let me have that risk.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Take it off of my child and give it to me.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: What would you say to moms that are walking through just the heaviness of a really hard health season with a child?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: That is a question we hope we never have to answer right.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: But here we are and I would say I truly don't know how people would go through it without God in their life.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: And so I would first of all say, if you don't have a relationship with Jesus that has to come first Reach out to one of us.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: We will be glad to introduce you to him.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Number one, number two in any sort of health situation, I think you have to truly be your child's advocate.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: Truly be your child's advocate.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: You know your kid way better than the doctors and you can trust the doctors and you can, you know, have a very good relationship with them, because I do think most doctors are trying to help.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: However, they only know what they know and they will tell you that and there are other treatments, therapies, whatever that you may be able to incorporate alongside whatever sort of treatment and health crisis that you're going through.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: And knowing and being confident of that, that you can do a lot of your own research, and if you're not that type of person, there are other people to do it.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Specifically for cancer, I do want to just say I cannot recommend this enough, this book, a Parent's Guide to Childhood Cancer by Dagmara Biney.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: This has truly been my cancer bible, if you will, and from all things along the journey, from the emotional side of things to building out the team, to other therapies you can use, looking at lab results for specifically cancer, that is 100% what I would recommend to somebody just to have as a tool and resource alongside that.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: But in general, just being confident that you really do know your kid the best of anyone and don't be afraid to stand up to the doctors or the residents.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: I've had to do that over this course of treatment and at the end of the day, it's you and your kid.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: You are the only one standing in between what the doctors want to do and your child, and so stand up for your kid.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: Just be your own advocate.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Your kid is depending on you to protect them.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and you do know your child better than anybody else.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: I know that for sure.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: You trust that God gave us that mother's intuition for a reason and we grew those babies and we've loved them for a long time.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: I once had a doctor said I will never question what a mom brings.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: I will always start with that diagnosis ruling out, because so often moms know what's going on and so I love that just encouragement to advocate and to stand up.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: So sometimes that's hard as mamas to step in there and be bold and risk maybe getting some looks and some comments, but just to know what's best for our kids for sure.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Well, alex, we will continue.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: I know listeners will want to follow you and be able to see just Nick's journey I know he's got still a road ahead of him, but to see him back to his giggly running around.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: There was just some ice skating that was done, which, by the way, I have to say I was very, very impressed with your ice skating ability.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: I was a little bit like whoa, alex has spent some time on the ice.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: I kept going like is that Alex?
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: Who is that back there doing all that fancy skating?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: So kudos to you.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I love seeing you just out there having fun as well, relishing in the moment with your kiddos getting to do different fun things, and we just appreciate you, especially in the center of the storm.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: I know it's a lot easier sometimes to talk about struggles once we've come through them, but just to be vulnerable enough to share with us just the storm right now and how you're navigating through it.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: I know that it will impact others.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: We will be sure to link that book that Alex just mentioned in the show notes.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: So if that's something that triggered an interest for you or for maybe a friend or a family member that's walking through cancer, we will be sure to link that, as well as any other resources that Alex might give to me that we'll include in those show notes.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: So, alex, I'm just so grateful for your time, for your transparency and just being willing to be with us today.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: So grateful to do it.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, awesome.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: Well, you guys, if this is an episode that has resonated with you, if it made you think of maybe a friend or a colleague that's walking through a similar storm, want to encourage you just to share this with them, whether that be through a text, with the podcast or on your stories.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: Again, how we get this podcast into more people's ears is through algorithm, which is by rating, reviews and listen.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: So we appreciate you being here, we appreciate you doing any of those things If real quick, you want to go, rate or review.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: That means the world to us and helps messages like Alex's story get into so many other households where they can be encouraged by other moms who have a real desire to cultivate strong families, and that's our mission here at A Heart that Beats for Home.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, take care.