Latest / Damaged Goods with Andrea Abbate / 2. Hookers, Suicide and Abusive Moms with Zach Stein

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2. Hookers, Suicide and Abusive Moms with Zach Stein · Damaged Goods with Andrea Abbate

0:00
SPEAKER_01: My mom used to wake me up in the middle of the night.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: Now, this didn't happen all the time, but uh my mom felt she was too beautiful to live.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
0:10
SPEAKER_04: Too beautiful to live.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: That was the that's awesome.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: That was the no one could understand the burden of what it was like to be so beautiful.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: And but she would wake me up in the middle of the night, whenever this was, like maybe once every three or four months.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: And my mom always spoke with a whisper like she was um movie star, like she was like Sis, sis, and she called me Sis.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: And she wore sunglasses most time.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: Honey, if you wake up in the morning and find mommy dead, what are you gonna do?
0:45
SPEAKER_01: And I knew because we'd been over this drill so many times, and it gave her a lot of solace.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna take out your contacts.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: That's right, sweetie, because they're too painful to refrigerate.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: I can't wear them.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Damaged goods.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: Hey, welcome back to our podcast.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: Right now we're calling it damaged goods.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Comment on that.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's gotta be damaged goods with Andrea Abbott because damaged goods.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Shout out to Damaged Goods, was a podcast that went on till 24.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: And I was told that uh I don't need to trademark it if I say damaged goods with Andrea Abbott.
1:25
SPEAKER_01: So that's what we're going with right now.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and this is of course Alex Dufont.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Hey Alex, how you doing?
1:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm doing good.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: It was molested AF.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: I saw that.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: I was ready to go on molested.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: I looked at your pages to see what it was, what if there was a nature of the podcast, a theme or anything?
1:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: Molested AF, which uh did you like that?
1:46
SPEAKER_02: I get why you changed it.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh I didn't mind it though.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: It's a little confusing because I've been molested AF, but I don't assume that other people have.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're not only getting guests who have been molested.
1:58
SPEAKER_02: No, I'm hopefully getting more guests that has your tech team been molested?
2:04
SPEAKER_01: I you know, they haven't said yet.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: I I I they haven't said yet.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: But I don't even know, Alex, have you been molested?
2:11
SPEAKER_01: I think he said no.
2:12
SPEAKER_05: No, I've I haven't.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean, not yet is the thing we always go with.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Not yet.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because molesting doesn't it's child molestation is the thing we think of when we think of molested, but anyone can get anyone could get molested.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: Really?
2:24
SPEAKER_02: Anyone can.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: So it's just a word, yeah.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just a word.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: And by the way, who is who's talking right now, it's the fabulous Zach Stein.
2:33
SPEAKER_01: And uh yes, we're very excited.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: All comics, all the time.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: This is yeah, we're damaged because you know what?
2:39
SPEAKER_01: Damage, we're just making trauma funny, right?
2:42
SPEAKER_01: We're damaged, but we're not broken.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: We'll come up with the whatever that is.
2:45
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we'll figure it out.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we'll figure it out.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: So, but basically, I just want to say if you know, if you've got a dark sense of humor, if you've had a black eye, a restraining order, if you have herpes, this is the podcast for you.
2:59
SPEAKER_01: All of those apply to me only, not our guest or Alex, but this is what you're getting.
3:05
SPEAKER_05: Um are you someone trying to look uh feel better about how their life has gone?
3:10
SPEAKER_05: Listen to this.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because you have some of those things.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: You've been through some, you know.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite quotes is from Billy Holliday, and she said, Some people have to find the gutter to know where the sidewalk ends.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: I did.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: You know, this is for those people, or maybe you're still in the gutter and you're just going, where the fuck is that sidewalk?
3:29
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully we can help you.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, so Zach, tell us a little bit about you.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Can I ask you some a question right off the bat?
3:38
SPEAKER_02: Please.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:40
SPEAKER_01: What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you that eventually became funny that you turned into comedy gold or comedy silver?
3:54
SPEAKER_02: I th I think um so I I was you know, not molested but beaten as a child.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: So that's pretty cool.
4:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it started when I was three years old, and I think that's uh pretty gnarly to for an adult to tit a three-year-old that they're so tiny, you know, and stuff.
4:11
SPEAKER_02: And she was really going at it.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: And uh your mom?
4:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: And now I I did make a joke of it.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: It's like it's that is sad, but it's also like kind of funny because you know, most people's reaction to three-year-olds, like, oh, they're so cute.
4:24
SPEAKER_02: For her, so she just was like, fuck, I just want to hit this guy.
4:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's just like that's crazy in her head.
4:29
SPEAKER_02: Like, I uh it's I feel very bad for me, but I also feel feel for her now because like it's all these crazy people, it's like uh yeah, they really I feel like the some of them they just can't be any other way, and uh, yeah it's a tormented experience.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: They're doing their best, right?
4:44
SPEAKER_01: And this and that was it.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean I was I was a victim and I had to like uh live through it and go through it, and that's no one should have to and stuff, but I'm I'm out of it now.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: She's still stuck with who she is.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: That's a great way to look at it.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: It is now.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: Can I ask you, did what did she beat you with?
5:04
SPEAKER_01: Any bare hands, hanger belt?
5:06
SPEAKER_02: Bare hands going real hard to choke me.
5:08
SPEAKER_02: Um choking a little three-year-old?
5:12
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think that might be.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, like really like both hands just like intent.
5:23
SPEAKER_02: She would like pull on my ears till they'd bleed, and like a lot of slapping, but like good hard slaps, not like uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: And it was um fun.
5:33
SPEAKER_02: And it was uh, but you know, it was it was like rare, it would be something, but it was gonna happen whether uh, you know, as there's gonna be something to find, a reason to find everything.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: It was like her deal.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: You just happen to be there.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: Are you an only child?
5:46
SPEAKER_02: No, no.
5:47
SPEAKER_02: Um, and uh so she's got like uh she's got like borderline BPD.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: So it's very normal with borderline parents to pick one kid who's like good and one who's bad.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you were picked as the bad one.
5:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and being the good one's no picnic either.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: You're you know, you're kind of like in the calm down this crazy person stage.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: And it's I feel for my brother then.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: He was great through all of it.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: I relate to you, I relate to you because I was the good one.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: I and my brother, God you know the worst thing my dad ever did, my brother?
6:17
SPEAKER_01: My dad was the beater, my mom just screamed and yelled, but she was useless.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, she one time threw a fork and hit my brother in the head, and I was like, God, that's so I was impressed.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, look at that skill.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: Because she usually just flailed around.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: But my dad one time made my brother two bad things, eat the dog food that had gotten moldy out of the dog bowl on all fours while we watched.
6:44
SPEAKER_02: Was it because did he leave the bag open?
6:46
SPEAKER_01: No, he would not clean it out each time.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: It was my brother, should have cleaned it out, but whatever.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: So the dog had so there were maggots on the side of the ball.
6:55
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: Gosh.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Making the beaten person go, geez.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that, and then number two is one time my brother uh didn't make his what's that kit called for football?
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Field goal?
7:08
SPEAKER_01: Field goal, did not kick the field goal right for in in the uh vars junior varsity uh team, and then he made my brother practice and called him a girl's name, Halena, uh, by kicking our newborn kittens over the fence.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Nine of them.
7:28
SPEAKER_02: That's crazy.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: Uh now, did you grow up on like a farm where you guys like killing kittens was kind of like standard practice?
7:35
SPEAKER_02: Because I've heard of that where it sounds like horrible, but it's also just like the way of the life.
7:39
SPEAKER_02: It's a cycle of life, you know.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: You're born, you get kicked, you land in a ditch.
7:43
SPEAKER_01: No.
7:44
SPEAKER_02: Did they all die?
7:44
SPEAKER_02: Did all nine kittens die?
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Well, one, my brother didn't kick enough to over our fence was a ditch, so they went into the water.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: But one, my brother didn't kick hard enough because he was really my brother was crying.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you don't feel good about that.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: No, but then he just brought the cat back, the little kitten back, and made him kick it again.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: So then he just kicked them all in so that it would be the nicest thing to do, right?
8:07
SPEAKER_01: So that was my dad.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: Does your brother like watching football now?
8:11
SPEAKER_01: He does like watching well.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: He he's he, you know, he went down a bad road and uh just uh yeah, but he does like football.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: He's he they're all into football.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: My other brother was so smart.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: My little brother was so smart because when he saw what my dad was doing, he got an allergy to grass.
8:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: Boom, he was out.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: He wanted to play, but he couldn't.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: That's funny.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: Was your dad in the picture?
8:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: He was a good guy.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: He was just busy.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: My mom was um, they had hair salons together.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: My mom was a hairdresser, my dad had been her lawyer, and then um she was good at the business.
8:46
SPEAKER_02: She was a very my mom's like um Lebanese immigrant.
8:49
SPEAKER_02: She had like arranged marriage at 15, first kid at 16, flood civil war.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: Where is she from?
8:54
SPEAKER_02: Like uh a little outside Beirut.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: Wow that's your mom.
8:58
SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: So she she had a wife, you know, and um, but uh she was so she was very cutthroat shrewd in the business world, and then um I think she just started to become too much for it, and then like so she retired, he was still working, so it would be like um just us at home, you know, a good amount of the time.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: But uh when he was around it wouldn't happen.
9:20
SPEAKER_02: But uh oh, I see.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: Wow, your dad was a savior as the opposite of my dad.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow, that's kind of cool.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: So does that affect your thoughts of women?
9:30
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I'm glad I'm you know, it's like I feel like you go one of two ways, and I'm I'm glad I didn't grow up to beat women.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: Um I'm I I like them a lot.
9:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm always I'm always trying to get their approval.
9:41
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm I think I'm always like looking for validation and approval, and I got some like abandonment fears uh when I'm in relationships as a result of that.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: But um uh what helped a lot was uh was hookers.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Really?
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Tell me about that.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh, they all I like to give a shout-out to hookers.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: They always say with a heart of gold, and is that what you're saying?
10:02
SPEAKER_01: No, no, that's right.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, you they come in all in all sorts.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Hearts of gold, hearts of mold.
10:09
SPEAKER_02: Uh I don't know.
10:11
SPEAKER_02: But um no, it's just like I was so I was I was so like anxious about women and stuff.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: And I think I had uh that uh and just sex and all that.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: It was very scary for me to approach him.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: And then just I don't know, gone a prostitute and being like it just demystified sex a little bit.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: I was able to like just like calm down and like what I'm doing.
10:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just get to know people as a human being, and then uh yeah.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: It's like a demonstration, like forget the birds and the beast talk.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: I need to see what we are doing, how am I doing?
10:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I yeah, I learned by doing.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: And uh yeah, is there you any shout-outs to any hookers you want to give?
10:46
SPEAKER_02: Um I can't I don't I'm sorry, I don't remember your names.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: So there were hooker number three, all except all wonderful except like a couple.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, what is the average pay for a hooker?
11:03
SPEAKER_02: It ranges a lot.
11:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh, and it's gone up.
11:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh inflation has hit that market.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh least I've paid is like 80 bucks, and most I've paid is like 400.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow, 80 to 400.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: But that's for a full experience.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: That's a full experience.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: Always an hour.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, it's by the time God, that's a good business.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: She become a pimp.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: Damage goods.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: I used to, but I didn't even get I got paid five dollars.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: To strip?
11:37
SPEAKER_01: No.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: To hook?
11:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh to for blowjobs.
11:41
SPEAKER_02: Word.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: But I was a child, and uh that's what was my allowance from my dad.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: It was five bucks a week.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: That's what I got for unlimited blows.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: But they were I got ten dollars to take out the garbage once a week.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: So see where you were beaten.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: I always say though, would you rather be beaten or raped?
12:00
SPEAKER_01: And I just go with raped each time because for me, and if anybody else has different experience, but for me, I saw my brother getting beaten and all the things that happened to him, and uh I feel like that just kind of destroyed him.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: And me, you know, it was it it was what it was, it wasn't the worst, it wasn't the best.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: It was just, I don't know.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: I'd rather not get black and blue marks around my neck as well.
12:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
12:33
SPEAKER_02: Well, I think yeah, I think both is always the worst one.
12:36
SPEAKER_01: Uh well, both is the worst, yes.
12:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: So we're actually lucky.
12:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
12:43
SPEAKER_01: Your mom beat you, yeah, and but didn't molest.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: And then I'm over here, I I rarely got beaten by my dad.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Rarely.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh, and and and it was never part of the sexual thing.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: And then and then there's Alex, who's what?
12:58
SPEAKER_01: Where do you fall on the beaten raped syndrome or spectrum?
13:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm not even on that spectrum.
13:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, poor guy.
13:04
SPEAKER_02: He doesn't know I have any idea how the world works.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
13:07
SPEAKER_05: It's like I know, right?
13:09
SPEAKER_05: It's brutal.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: Wow, it's like you would lived a very sheltered, protected life.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: No, you're not, I think normal.
13:15
SPEAKER_05: No, normal.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: Your life is fucked up.
13:17
SPEAKER_05: Don't put it on me, Andrea.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: It's unusual.
13:20
SPEAKER_02: You lived as unusual.
13:22
SPEAKER_05: But but Alex You lived extremely sheltered.
13:25
SPEAKER_01: You weren't raped by your father.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: Or beaten and strangled by your mom.
13:31
SPEAKER_01: But I'm gonna ask this about you.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: If your childhood, if okay, Zach, if your childhood came with a Yelp review, how many stars would you give it?
13:41
SPEAKER_01: And why?
13:42
SPEAKER_01: That's it's one out of five stars, right?
13:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, let's see.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
13:47
SPEAKER_02: The whole childhood is zero to eighteen.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that zero to eighteen, taking into account the money you had, the air conditioning, the food.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: Uh, we were really rich.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: Uh, so that helps.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, yeah.
14:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh indoor pool is nice.
14:02
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I'm putting that out.
14:04
SPEAKER_01: Um you're joking, Zach.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: No.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: Indoor pool from hairdressing.
14:08
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but he lived in Michigan, though.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: They own the hair salons and stuff, but and then stock market, all that stuff, you know.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
14:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, okay.
14:16
SPEAKER_02: But um, but there was, you know, there are 42 salons throughout the country.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: So and oh, okay.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm getting I'm I'm it's an empire.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, it did well.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: Hair empire.
14:25
SPEAKER_02: Here empire.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: And uh, I think they're I think Hemp's got that one coming.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
14:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I did, but also there I got the uh there's I got some uh messed up rich because the stuff that only happens rich because I got sent away to like a wilderness program in boarding school.
14:40
SPEAKER_02: Like my brother too, yeah, yeah, like the Paraselton type of stuff.
14:44
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, and uh that was all gnarly.
14:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh that sucked.
14:47
SPEAKER_02: That was I I because the beating is like it's gonna happen once a day, and then other than that, it made me like because I was getting hit for like whether I did anything bad or not.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: So in school I was fearless because I'm like, you guys, you you guys don't have real punishment here.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: You can't, you're not gonna hit me.
15:02
SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: The bullies got nothing on your mom.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was I wasn't a bully, but I had a short fuse, and uh But I mean, were you any bully that came after you'd be like Yeah, no, I could I I never got uh yeah, no, I never got beat up except by like my older brother and my mom.
15:18
SPEAKER_02: Um, and the older brother was you know in normal for a violin house.
15:23
SPEAKER_02: It was probably more than most, but he was it was pretty chill.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: Um and we loved each other.
15:27
SPEAKER_02: But um, I'd give it uh three stars.
15:30
SPEAKER_02: Three stars.
15:31
SPEAKER_02: Okay, three stars.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: There was a lot of good people in my life, a lot of people I loved.
15:35
SPEAKER_02: I learned uh I had to, I think, um I learned a lot.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: I had a lot of people to point me in the right direction.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: My dad was great.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: I had a lot of good people in my life, and uh yeah parts of it sucked us, but parts were just parts were good, so that five to three, that's pretty good.
15:49
SPEAKER_02: And my mom, once she was stopped at being able to hit me, my parents got separated when I was eight and then divorced.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: Once she stopped being able to hit me, she just lost all luster for parenting.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: She just, you know, she was like, Oh yeah, this isn't funny.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I already gave them my all.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it was like I just had to Then you were just neglected.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I had two years of just like going crazy in her basement, like putting holes in the wall, lighting shit on fire and stuff.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: That's you, yeah.
16:10
SPEAKER_02: And then we got sent to the then I got sent to the woods.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: I got kicked out of schools and stuff a lot.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so is my brother.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: That's why you went to the wilderness camp.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say that's why my brother went.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: My brother did go to Paris Hilton's place.
16:20
SPEAKER_02: That place in Utah.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they half the staff opened mine.
16:24
SPEAKER_02: They went after they got shut down.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: So a lot of some more people.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: But but my brother, I was like sending him these things like, look, they're closing it down.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, you know, uh, it was bad, but I needed to be there.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: He was pulled down off a tree out of side of our Catholic uh private school he went to for spitting on people on LSD when he was like nine.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: So wow.
16:49
unknown: Yeah.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: LSD at nine's pretty.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's pretty, you know.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: So uh yeah.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: But what about you, Alex?
16:55
SPEAKER_01: What would you give your your rate your childhood?
16:58
SPEAKER_05: Uh five out of five, not raped by my father.
17:02
SPEAKER_05: I will give it a six out of five star.
17:04
SPEAKER_05: Thanks, Dad, for not raping me, please.
17:06
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
17:07
SPEAKER_05: I and anything like I thought I had, I thought my childhood was solid, but then after learning about yours, Andrea, I was like, my childhood was amazing.
17:14
SPEAKER_05: You were blessed.
17:15
SPEAKER_05: I'm blessed.
17:16
SPEAKER_05: I'm so blessed.
17:17
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
17:17
SPEAKER_05: And that's why we're friends, and that's why we work together.
17:19
SPEAKER_05: That's right.
17:20
SPEAKER_05: So you give me a lot of perspective on things.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: I do, I do.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: And you know, I have to go along with Zach on the I'm gonna just review mine because again, Rich.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: We didn't not indoor pool, but we did have an un in-ground trampoline.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, that's nice.
17:38
SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: My dad had a plane that he would beat us in.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: Shut the fuck, but just that kind of hand slapping.
17:46
SPEAKER_05: And uh he had he had like the overhand thing with the microphone, a biplane.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if he had an overhead thing, but yeah, I guess it's with headphones, and then you think you could hear him talk.
17:56
SPEAKER_05: Shut the fuck up, kids, hit you on the back.
17:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, I don't know.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I mean, yeah, we were always, and I would want to throw up.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't helpful because I'd always get plain sick.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: But then you know you're rich if you're you know, if you're and an in-ground trampoline, but um, my dad has this really serious rule, uh, which is only one person can jump on the trampoline at a time.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: But it was a really big, way bigger than this room, trampoline.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: And of course, it's so much fun to bounce somebody else.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: You need to.
18:29
SPEAKER_05: Those are the best.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: So then my brother and I would be on there, and one time my dad pulled around the corner in his little BMW back in the day, and we couldn't hear it.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: And then he sees us jumping on the trampoline and he makes us continue jumping while he pelts us with rocks from the to show us that you can get hurt.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: You want to see how hard you can get boom, boom, and then we're trying to jump over the rock.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: So he got us each pretty good a couple of times, and then we were sitting out there looking at our bruises.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: I remember that.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, back to my rating of my childhood.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what would it be?
19:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, you have nothing to compare it to, but um, I do want to say that we had some good things.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: I was always really happy that we had air conditioning and we had food.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: And um, and I loved school.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: And we went to I went to a Catholic school, which I want to say is a good school.
19:25
SPEAKER_01: Because uh what I loved about school, maybe you love this too, is that there were rules and I knew what the rules were at school.
19:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: So I was a rule follower at school.
19:34
SPEAKER_02: No, I was a big rule breaker.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: You were a rule rule breaker, but I was a rule follower.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Um so because of that, plus, plus when my dad uh got caught with me, uh he got me a horse as a as a, you know who caught him?
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's it's a long story.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: But my mom, my mom caught him, and and then I was sent away to this really nice black family to live there for a while, which was awesome.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: Shout out to them.
20:05
SPEAKER_05: You forgot their name.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: No, I know them, but I just wonder if they want to be involved in it.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, do they want to be involved in the story?
20:11
SPEAKER_01: But they're amazing.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: And uh, but when I came back, my mom, I guess, had told my dad, my dad was unconscious when I left home.
20:20
SPEAKER_01: And then I guess she had let him know what occurred.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: He blacked out, he was like a blackout drunk.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: I didn't understand what any of that was.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: So I was 11 at the time, and uh by the time he got caught, and uh so but he said to me, you know, how many times did we do this?
20:37
SPEAKER_01: And uh can you forgive me?
20:39
SPEAKER_01: And I was just thinking, like, because I went to Catholic school.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: Did you go to Catholic school?
20:43
SPEAKER_01: No, you're Jewish, right?
20:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my mom's Catholic, but uh oh yeah figures, but Jewish and Catholicism are very similar.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of guilt.
20:52
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: Guilt and God's watching, and I wasn't very religious.
20:56
SPEAKER_02: I feel like I grew up around a very cynical uh look at religion overall.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: It was like, yeah, sure, maybe, but it wasn't we you know, we're like the high holidays we would go into the synagogue.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: I wasn't going every week or anything.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I was going a lot, but I was very cynical because I would always be thinking, hey, God's watching us.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure he's gonna stop uh this from happening to me any minute now.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: God, hello, God, God.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Then I thought, maybe what they mean when they say God's watching you is maybe he's watching us like a TV show, maybe on one of his like favorite Netflix cues, like, oh, if you like this, you'll love this.
21:32
SPEAKER_05: And you like do you like Cat House?
21:35
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: You love Andrea.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but anyway, so I was skeptical, but what's the point of all that?
21:42
SPEAKER_01: The point of all that is we went to a private school, which was a good one.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: I had some, I had friends and all that.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: I blacked out, I don't know, that's fuzzy.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: My childhood is pretty not blacked out, but fuzzy.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Like, did that happen there?
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Did that happen there?
21:56
SPEAKER_01: So I think I gotta go with the three.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And if I didn't see my dad hurting my brothers, um, I would have uh been able to I might have even given it three and a half.
22:09
SPEAKER_01: But I'm gonna I'm gonna go solid three.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: Solid three, everybody.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: Solid three.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: And I I'm very proud that they worked a lot and that we could go on vacation.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: We went to Hawaii once.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: And did you where'd you guys go?
22:27
SPEAKER_01: To like some awesome vacations.
22:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:30
SPEAKER_02: Paris, London, South Africa, Galapagos Islands.
22:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh cool stuff.
22:37
SPEAKER_02: Definitely need stuff.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: I might have to get lower mine a little.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, and uh yeah, that but that's the rating.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
22:47
SPEAKER_01: Do you know a turning point in your life of when you embraced comedy and decided to that you embraced it even as a kid?
22:56
SPEAKER_02: Oh, um, I loved it always.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: I mean, though, where I embraced it as a kid when I was um um MTV used to have TRL, Total Request Live, where they would play the top 10 songs.
23:07
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:08
SPEAKER_02: And for a month, uh Chris Rock from his album Big Run Blacker had a track called No Sex on the Champagne Room on there.
23:14
SPEAKER_02: And uh it was just a bunch of like with the little musical track in the background, just a bunch of dirty one-liners and stuff.
23:20
SPEAKER_02: And uh, we were all watching in fifth grade, we're all watching for like Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys and InSync and everything.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: And that just took us all by storm.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: We were just quoting it to like uh each other on the playground.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Just a bunch of like nine-year-olds, like uh, if a girl has a tongue ring, she'll probably suck your dick.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: If a guy has a tongue ring, he'll probably suck your dick.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: And uh just stuff like that.
23:40
SPEAKER_02: And um, my brother was always he was really good at working within the system, and he uh and he was he was able to get me that CD when I was about uh nine, even though he was only two years older than me.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: And I was I just listened to it every night for like a year, just that uh stand-up routine, and then uh so I loved it.
23:57
SPEAKER_02: It never seemed like something I could do.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I like that you could do really.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: It didn't seem I don't know how that happened.
24:02
SPEAKER_02: But I just loved it.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: I would watch all the roasts and comedy central stuff when I was a kid to go to sleep, and then uh I don't know.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: I got uh but then I got booted from I got kicked out of college for grades and uh what college were you kicked out of Michigan State.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: Oh, Michigan State, okay.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Um makes me respect them more um that they kicked me out.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: But I um I've been writing jokes for like a year at that point, and then I was just for yourself in a journal type of thing?
24:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I didn't even know about open mics or anything.
24:28
SPEAKER_02: There weren't podcasts yet, really, to like kind of pull that curtain back.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: It was still very seem much, it was just like this person's naturally talented, yeah.
24:35
SPEAKER_02: They're just talking on stage and stuff.
24:37
SPEAKER_02: And uh I don't my brother knew somebody who did open mics around then, and I just I was like school wasn't happening, so I was like, all right, try it time to make this happen.
24:47
SPEAKER_02: So you went from there.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: So you how old were you then?
24:50
SPEAKER_02: 19 or no, 20, 20.
24:52
SPEAKER_02: I went with a fake ID.
24:53
SPEAKER_02: Uh gotta go with a fake ID.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like about a month before I turned 21.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: And you had the money to buy a good fake ID.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was like$200.
25:02
SPEAKER_02: It was California.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: I was in Michigan, and uh and it passed, it got you where you oh oh you got a California fake ID for Michigan.
25:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
25:11
SPEAKER_02: And so you can't.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: That's the move.
25:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think they like to do different states because people the bouncers are less likely to know how to test them or whatever.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: And like you come here every week, you California man.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, that is that's really cool.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: So then, but that's when you started, 1920.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, 20, yeah, 20 years old, yeah.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: Damn, that's pretty cool.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: How did you get on stage first, Alex?
25:36
SPEAKER_01: And where how old were you?
25:38
SPEAKER_01: I uh just turned 21.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: My God, all the time.
25:41
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I wanted to do comedy since I was 14, but I didn't have the balls.
25:44
SPEAKER_05: So I waited till I was 18.
25:45
SPEAKER_05: I was like, oh, wait till I'm 21, you know.
25:47
SPEAKER_05: And I finally jumped on stage and uh it went really well first time, and then second time I bombed so hard, I forgot comedy existed the next morning.
25:55
SPEAKER_05: I I pushed it out of my brain.
25:56
SPEAKER_05: I woke up, went back to college, like everything was fine.
25:59
SPEAKER_05: And then it took me six months to be like, wait, I want to do stand-up.
26:02
SPEAKER_05: And then it took me another year to get back on stage and another two years to get back to that club because I was so like ashamed of that bomb.
26:08
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
26:09
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
26:10
SPEAKER_01: Wow, there is a song, and I don't know what it is, but uh I used to hang with a bunch of songwriters, and so they I was tuned into songs, and it said, Cried in the bathroom like a comic who's bombed.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, damn, that person knows a little bit about a little bit.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: Um when did when did you start?
26:29
SPEAKER_01: When I was 74, I got on stage the first time, though.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: But I'll tell you how I got on stage the first time, but it wasn't I didn't continue.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: But I was divorced and my husband had the kids, and that was so depressing because um I mean I wanted to be away from him, but now I'm in a one-bedroom apartment with the kids, and now his attorney's saying, take the kids a few nights a week, or you're not gonna get custody.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: And uh kids are hard, but I wanted them.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: And uh anyway, so on the nights they weren't there, I was in a spiral of depression.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Like, who am I?
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Why am I on this planet?
27:10
SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
27:11
SPEAKER_01: So I was just looking for something to do, and somehow going to the movies by yourself seemed like what a loser thing to do.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do that, and uh plus a movie's only two hours.
27:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I found the comedy store.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: You could go to the original room, I don't know if it's the same now, and just stay all the way till the end.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: Typically, sometimes there's an early show, but usually it's just like eight or nine till 1:32 a.m.
27:37
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yeah.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: So that's what I did.
27:39
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure back then it was like 4 a.m.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, well, I could only stay till the two, I think it was 2 a.m.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: I think it was.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: But so what happened is there was this guy on stage.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: So uh this guy on stage, he was a comic, and uh so that comic's supposed to introduce the next comic.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: And so the guy in the back is going like this, stretch, stretch.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: And so he says, There's only like six or seven of us in the audience at 1 a.m.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh shit, when is he coming?
28:08
SPEAKER_01: He's not here.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: And so me trying to be helpful, I go, You can do it.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: He's like, I can't have to do it.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: I go like you could do it.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: And then he just you think this is easy.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you get up here and tell a joke?
28:19
SPEAKER_01: And I instantly tried to become invisible.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: I just stared at my empty drink.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't afford more than the two.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just looking at it, going, Oh no, no, no.
28:29
SPEAKER_01: And so, right sitting next to me was this lesbian girl who I didn't really notice too much before until she put her hand on my leg, going, I'll protect you from him.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: I jumped so high out of my chair, I jumped out, and then he's like, Oh, she's coming to this.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: And so I got up and told a joke I had heard.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: And it went, you know, well for those other five people that were left now in the audience.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: But that's how I got on stage the first time.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: And uh, and that didn't give me the bug or anything, it gave it nothing to me.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I thought, oh, what I realized only, this is the thing, for anybody who doesn't know, and I'm sure the whole world knows now.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: I thought when I was going to the comedy store for maybe for the first month, that all these guys are just funny guys talking.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: But then when you go for like four months and you're saying, oh, Jackie Diamond talks about that, oh, this guy, oh, this guy's Mark Marin talks about that, this person talks about that.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: You're like, oh, oh, it's an act.
29:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: But I didn't know that.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: I never knew that.
29:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's crazy now to think that you could ever have thought that that was like it was just people talking, but I did too when I was like uh when I was watching it up till I really did it, yeah.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: It's it's the it's hats off to the way someone's delivering their lines, where it seems like you know, you especially if someone does crowd work and then they get a great thing.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: You now I know the majority of all that is all like I've got a great answer for this.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm asking you this, and now I'm gonna hit it out of the park after you say whatever.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and people say the same stuff a lot of the time.
30:07
SPEAKER_02: You get the same, you get tourists from the same areas a lot of the time and stuff.
30:12
SPEAKER_02: It's uh yeah, you do start you the man, yeah.
30:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, once the you know, you peel back, you learn you peel back the magic when you do enough stand up and you learn a lot of it.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: But it's weird, we never think like musicians, like they're making up those songs on stage.
30:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, did you have that reality, Alex, that that that's what it was?
30:33
SPEAKER_05: I don't think so.
30:34
SPEAKER_05: No, I think I I would watch Comedy Central presents, I see and I would just see those guys on stage and think they were so freaking cool.
30:42
SPEAKER_05: Right.
30:42
SPEAKER_05: That's all it was.
30:43
SPEAKER_05: Like I could talk about how like I think stand-up is an art or whatever, but when I was 13, I just thought the comics on stage were really cool.
30:50
SPEAKER_05: And then you grew up and realize we're all losers.
30:54
SPEAKER_05: That's that's what it is.
30:56
SPEAKER_05: Except Zach, Zach's killing it.
30:58
SPEAKER_05: Tommy Bahama over here.
30:59
SPEAKER_05: Very cool.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Tommy Bahama.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: Um I I was a writer, so I would write jokes for people later on, way after that.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: I would write jokes for different people that I'm I'm very good at writing tags or ly season.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know what you could say?
31:15
SPEAKER_01: This is so, but anyway, I was a writer, so I would just be in there and go, Well, you could say this, you could say that, you could say this.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: And then my friend said, Why don't you get up?
31:25
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, No, no.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: But she talked me into signing up for an open open mic again at the comedy store.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: Shout out to the comedy store.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: This was in the belly room.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: That's where open mics went.
31:36
SPEAKER_02: Huh?
31:37
SPEAKER_02: I think that place sucks.
31:40
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I I signed up for the open mic, and then right before, and this is when you could sign up and you would get on.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: This was back in those days, guys.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: But then I scratched my name off, and I signed up, and then I scratched my name off, and then my friend just announced me anyway.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, and I was shaking like a leaf, but I did well.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: And but I was shaking, and I was like, oh, this isn't that hard because these are just it wasn't as hard.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: It it's not hard, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: And that's how I got so then I got bit by the bug, but this was much later in life than you guys.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: In fact, I was waiting outside of the laugh factory one time, Zach, to get on.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: And this cute black guy that was sitting behind me, who was 1920, said, What made you start comedy at this late date?
32:41
SPEAKER_00: Damage goods.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Do you have any good bits about hookers?
32:45
SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I got a few I got a chunk on hookers.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: Tell can you tell me one?
32:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, well, like up with uh like uh hey, do we support sex workers uh here?
32:57
SPEAKER_02: People, yeah, you know.
32:58
SPEAKER_02: Do we support sex customers?
33:00
SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, a little different, like we're important part of the equation, you know, no sex customers, no sex work.
33:05
SPEAKER_02: That's true.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: And uh just that we deserve more respect.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: And then um sex customers.
33:11
SPEAKER_05: That's funny.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's so true.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: Without sex customers, there's no sex workers.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: Everybody's like, yay, sex workers.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all the sex positivity, it's like, oh, they're amazing, they're heroes, and then the you know, I uh the John's are just these creeps and perverts and weirdos.
33:26
SPEAKER_02: It's like, what's the you know?
33:30
SPEAKER_01: Um remember Hugh Hugh Grant?
33:33
SPEAKER_01: Do you guys remember him?
33:35
SPEAKER_01: He had the cutest girlfriend in the world, uh, Elizabeth Huxley or whatever, was out being a sex customer, a sex uh a sex customer.
33:44
SPEAKER_02: Which I've never done in a relationship.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm uh Zach is standing by that.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: There's there's where the boundary is.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: If he's taking you out to dinner, he's not stopping off to see destiny.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: True.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, let me just ask you this.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: Have any of you guys ever stalked have you ever stalked a girl or an ex for a little while, like even on Facebook or Instagram or any kind of thing?
34:08
SPEAKER_02: Not like through a fake account or anything.
34:09
SPEAKER_02: I've like where the stuff they can see where I'm I'm watching their stories probably.
34:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, only in person.
34:16
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, like um, you know, I've more not stalking as much.
34:23
SPEAKER_02: Like I'll go, I'll look at their profile and be like, oh they're oh if oh, they're dating somebody.
34:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, like just making myself sad type of stuff.
34:32
SPEAKER_02: Well, no one I've never like used it to show up somewhere in Ryan.
34:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, no, no.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: I've I've used it to go on to just kind of like if you were reading a book and then that someone closed the book and it hasn't ended, you're just like, what are they doing now?
34:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
34:49
SPEAKER_02: Social media is so evil now, too.
34:51
SPEAKER_02: It's like, oh, they're their names just constantly showing up of like, oh look, they posted, look, they uh do you want to see their thing or whatever the hell?
34:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
34:58
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm you know, I'm innocent.
35:00
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm innocent.
35:02
SPEAKER_05: Breakups are so much harder now with social media, like you're just reminded.
35:06
SPEAKER_05: Back in your back in your day, you could just forget people.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: I still do forget people.
35:10
SPEAKER_01: You follow me, so I still forget.
35:12
SPEAKER_01: I butt dialed an old boyfriend the other day and he wrote me this long thing, and now I'm dah dah dah dah.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, I didn't even text it.
35:20
SPEAKER_01: I looked at it as I I adored him.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: He told me, this is a true thing, and I'm gonna ask you if you believe it.
35:27
SPEAKER_01: He told me on our first date, I want three kids.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: And I just ignored that because I already have two kids, and I'm not having three kids, and so three more kids?
35:38
SPEAKER_01: No.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: But I was like, oh, but he's so cute and he's so funny.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: I met him when I was doing acting, and he was an actor, and I don't know.
35:45
SPEAKER_01: Uh and um then we dated for almost three years, and guess why we broke up?
35:53
SPEAKER_01: Fell madly in love.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: We broke up because we were either gonna get married and he was gonna have his three kids, or we weren't.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: And I caused all of that heartache for me, and I guess he caused it for him by ignoring that I'm like, dude, but whoa, I really wish I wouldn't.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: So when I see his stuff on Instagram and he tells me because he was a football player uh with the Steelers, I forget a few teams.
36:23
SPEAKER_01: He was a football player before he became an actor.
36:25
SPEAKER_01: And now, guess what?
36:27
SPEAKER_01: His two kids, he only had two, are in sports full time, and he's like, We moved, I forget what he said.
36:33
SPEAKER_01: We moved to Alabama or something because it's got the best sports team, and we're our lives around sports.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, God, you touch a bullet.
36:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, when your kids even on traveling teams, you just have to go, go, go.
36:44
SPEAKER_01: And he's got a nice little beautiful wife who's just sitting there going, Yay.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: And said and he and he did too.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: You both dodge bullets because it's you want that compatibility, I think.
36:54
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it's yeah, it was finally you said, Yeah, we could have we knew this going in, and we're just like, Yeah, but it's like attractional, overcome a lot.
37:03
SPEAKER_01: I know, but have you ever they say someone will tell you who they are right off the bat?
37:07
SPEAKER_01: What what red flags or information did you disregard because you were attracted to the person and you wanted it to work regardless?
37:17
SPEAKER_02: Mean to me.
37:19
SPEAKER_02: Where I'm like, oh, I can't they'll be like someone who is overcritical.
37:22
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, I can fix, I can oh maybe that is something I could work on.
37:26
SPEAKER_02: And usually, like, that's how it would start, would be something that's oh, you'll think I'll fix this kind of myself.
37:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is that is something I could be better about or whatever, you know, and then I'll fix that.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: Then it's something new, and then it's like you're like, oh, they just want to be mad at somebody.
37:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow, yeah, that's and then how long did it take you to go, oh oh, I see.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: This is who they are.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: That's like 11 months or so, and it was the sex is so good.
37:52
SPEAKER_02: Well, isn't that always the case?
37:54
SPEAKER_01: That is always the case.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: Shout out to police and body camps.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: That was the only thing, really the main thing.
38:05
SPEAKER_05: It's easier to like ignore when women are mean to you because like there's no threat of violence.
38:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I've been I've had women be violent to me, and it's like I'm like, this is cute.
38:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's cute.
38:15
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I've had like I've had women like punch me and scratch me or whatever, and I just I'm just laughing, I'm giggling, and then I look back and go, oh my god.
38:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I give tiny wrists.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: I had one pull knife on me, but it's like I'm I I'm you know, I'm decent, I'm more a lot more athletic than I look, but I'm that's like I was so much faster than her.
38:32
SPEAKER_02: I wasn't worried.
38:33
SPEAKER_01: Wow, wow it's kind of funny when they get angry.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, but a knife, a knife is something to not ignore.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: No, especially because uh you know I'm not getting away if I'm asleep.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: That was the beginning of the end.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: Was that the girl that was mean?
38:49
SPEAKER_02: No, no, she was she was fine.
38:50
SPEAKER_02: This was like we started dating senior of high school and into college, and I was I was uh this was I learned a lot from that one.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: She was she pulled that move of like what's this the knife girl or the mean girl?
39:00
SPEAKER_02: Knife girl.
39:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay, um, we'll just call her knife girl.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: Knife girl, yeah.
39:04
SPEAKER_02: I tried to break up with her, she's like, I'll kill myself or whatever.
39:07
SPEAKER_02: And uh 18 that worked on me.
39:09
SPEAKER_02: Uh but then I was like, Well, I'm just gonna act like I'm single because we went to different colleges.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: And so I just slip started uh because I lost my virginity to her, virginity to her when we were 17.
39:20
SPEAKER_02: Oh and then um, yeah, and then so I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go out and party because I want to be broken up, but I can't because she'll kill herself.
39:26
SPEAKER_02: And uh now I know that they they usually won't.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: And if they do, that's not really your problem.
39:32
SPEAKER_02: No, no, that is not your problem.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: My mom used to wake me up in the middle of the night.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: Now, this didn't happen all the time, but uh my mom felt she was too beautiful to live.
39:42
SPEAKER_04: Okay, that's awesome.
39:44
SPEAKER_04: Too beautiful to live.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: That was the that's awesome.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: That was the no one could understand the burden of what it was like to be so beautiful.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: And uh but she would wake me up in the middle of the night, whenever this was, like maybe once every three or four months.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: And my mom always spoke with a whisper like she was um movie star, like Sis, Sis, and she called me Sis, and she wore sunglasses most time.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: Honey, if you wake up in the morning and find mommy dead, what are you gonna do?
40:20
SPEAKER_01: And I knew because we'd been over this drill so many times, and it gave her a lot of solace.
40:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna take out your contacts.
40:25
SPEAKER_01: That's right, sweetie, because they're too painful to wear for eternity.
40:29
SPEAKER_01: I can't wear these.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: And then I would be like, okay, mom, okay, and then you know, cut to a several months later, sweetheart, your father's gonna kill me if I don't kill myself.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: You know, I just have to if you find mommy dead, and I'm like, I'll take out your contacts.
40:47
SPEAKER_01: And it just kept going on and on.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: And then as an as an adult, she would having the money, sweetheart.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: I found this fantastic condo in San Diego.
40:57
SPEAKER_01: It's on the ninth floor.
40:58
SPEAKER_01: It is beautiful, it's a great real estate investment and the perfect height for a fatal flaw.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: Real estate's gonna call.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: She couldn't wait for escrow to close.
41:07
SPEAKER_01: You know, she's like, and blah, blah, blah.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, all right, mom, well, let me know.
41:12
SPEAKER_01: And then she'd call me back and I thought, oh, the goddamn insurance company won't pay if I kill myself.
41:17
SPEAKER_01: I guess they're afraid everyone will do it.
41:19
SPEAKER_01: I was like, so many suicides.
41:23
SPEAKER_02: They're afraid everyone will do it.
41:24
SPEAKER_02: It's so funny.
41:25
SPEAKER_02: Just be like, everyone's gotta think this way.
41:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, of course, we're all thinking that way.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, we all won the lottery.
41:31
SPEAKER_02: We could just kill ourselves.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: We can buy this.
41:34
SPEAKER_01: Then she was gonna um she she, of course, we had the plant, you know, planes, and so she was gonna hire a private plane uh to you know go down.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: Like she would say, like, the Japanese are so spiritual.
41:46
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, All right, mom.
41:49
SPEAKER_02: Your mom's funny.
41:50
SPEAKER_02: She was funny.
41:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but then 9-11 happened, and she was like, Oh, you know, she was distraught.
41:55
SPEAKER_01: We were all just like, they ruined it for me.
41:57
SPEAKER_01: They ruined it for me.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, mom.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: But uh she finally did uh real victim of 9-11.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she was a victim of 9-11, exactly.
42:07
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, she's not here anymore.
42:09
SPEAKER_01: But shout out to all the dead moms, all the suicidal people that are here and pushing through, yeah, or not here.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: My mom would be like, you know, I can I see how Angelina Jolie, how it must be so tough for her.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Mom.
42:25
SPEAKER_02: Did she kill herself?
42:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, just the old-fashioned way, through alcohol into a coma.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: Just low, okay, okay.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: At 69.
42:32
SPEAKER_01: So I don't know.
42:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, not not with that.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: I don't count it.
42:34
SPEAKER_02: That's how I that's you know, part of me thinks about going that way.
42:37
SPEAKER_01: But uh by 69 with alcohol or no, not that age.
42:41
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
42:41
SPEAKER_02: Of like, oh, not killing myself, but not taking care of myself.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I'm I'm I'm taking pretty good care of myself.
42:47
SPEAKER_01: You are, you are, you've got on clean clothes, you know.
42:50
SPEAKER_05: You have a cool watch too.
42:52
SPEAKER_05: I like the watch.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: I I don't think of that.
42:56
SPEAKER_01: I I'm not suicidal.
42:58
SPEAKER_02: I'm not particularly suicidal, but every now and then, you know, most of the times if I'm on like the sixth floor of a parking garage, I'll be like, Yeah, you can jump off that.
43:06
SPEAKER_02: That would do it.
43:07
SPEAKER_01: Um well if you had to, if you had to, what way would you go?
43:11
SPEAKER_01: I think I would uh jumping off.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: No, I like too scary.
43:14
SPEAKER_02: No, that's too scary.
43:16
SPEAKER_02: I like the idea of just uh jumping off the Santa Monica Pier and just swimming out into the ocean.
43:21
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure it'd be horrible at the end, but that sounds kind of fun.
43:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but uh I would probably just go to a gun range and put one in my head.
43:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh wow, I wonder what I wonder if that happens.
43:29
SPEAKER_01: I would love to be um at some time, and it wouldn't be suicide, it would be like, okay, I'm I would still try to hit the target too.
43:36
SPEAKER_02: I would turn and hit the target through your head.
43:39
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's a good shot.
43:41
SPEAKER_01: And they keep they keep that target like splattered with your brains.
43:44
SPEAKER_05: They fold it like an American flag to a widow, they they give it right up to your family.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
43:51
SPEAKER_01: I would love to be like, I think at some point in the society in the future, they're gonna make suicide legal.
43:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then when they do.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: That I'm gonna open up a beautiful suicide store.
44:03
SPEAKER_01: That you have like all these options.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: You could be eaten by a white shark.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: Do you know you could be bayoneted by a pirate, by a guy dressed like Johnny Depp.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: You could fall off a building, but you could like uh my particular favorite, you could go with the pills, but that's so mid.
44:19
SPEAKER_01: Everybody does that, right?
44:20
SPEAKER_02: It's like uh but I would love would you have options that have like survival chances in kids?
44:26
SPEAKER_01: You could have that.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: You could absolutely have that.
44:29
SPEAKER_01: No money back, though.
44:30
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no money back.
44:31
SPEAKER_01: No, this is non-refundable.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: But if they if I could you could have like a cartoon way where a piano's dropped on you or acne anvo, right?
44:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, or something like that'd be a good way to spite your children too, just spend all your money.
44:45
SPEAKER_02: Right, I spent them the fanciest suicide ever.
44:48
SPEAKER_01: Fanciest suicide ever.
44:49
SPEAKER_05: You could save a child from like a car, like you push the kid out of the way and get hit, so you die a hero.
44:54
SPEAKER_05: Oh God, you could die a hero.
44:56
SPEAKER_05: Awesome.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: You agree, you you created the scenario, but yeah, straight up.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: But how great you've asked.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: That's uh actually a thing I'm gonna add to the store.
45:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I would go the old-fashioned way where you're um, I don't need to be blindfolded.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: Cigarette, love cigarettes, and go out with uh those guys, the how the French do.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: The firing squad.
45:24
SPEAKER_01: The firing squad.
45:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
45:26
SPEAKER_01: Five, six people.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: No, no guillotine.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: Good shots, five people.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: Okay, broom.
45:33
SPEAKER_01: And you know you're preparing.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: You had your drink, whatever, you have your cigarette, and you're like, get your Instagram ready.
45:40
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't sit in the moment before.
45:43
SPEAKER_02: Uh I can I I couldn't handle that like that waiting moment.
45:47
SPEAKER_02: That's why with the myself, it's just boom.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: It's just like you're driving to the range still and knowing what you're doing.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that would definitely that would that would get the uh nerves going.
45:57
SPEAKER_02: But it's just like um, like I'm I'm better about it now because of uh all the COVID vaccines made me uh kind of face the fear of needles and stuff.
46:05
SPEAKER_02: I also had to get a surgery on that, so I'm just gonna get a bunch.
46:07
SPEAKER_02: And then um, but uh like you the greatest fear would be like after they like wiped the after they sanitized the point or whatever, and then just like just wait just waiting as they go to get the needle and they come and just that part of the thing.
46:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
46:23
SPEAKER_02: So I don't know, I I I would run away.
46:25
SPEAKER_02: I think I would try to run.
46:26
SPEAKER_02: Uh well, I thought of that, Zach.
46:28
SPEAKER_01: I thought, do I want to just be shot in the back of the head as I'm walking down the street?
46:32
SPEAKER_01: But no, because then I'd be thinking, is it happening now?
46:34
SPEAKER_01: Is it happening now?
46:35
SPEAKER_01: So that I gotta know.
46:36
SPEAKER_01: But I'm talking about when you're 89 years old and you're like, uh all my friends are dead.
46:43
SPEAKER_01: I lived a great life.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: Now I'm gonna go out.
46:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: I think it would, I think it could be fun.
46:51
SPEAKER_01: I I want to put the fun into funeral.
46:53
SPEAKER_01: I want to make it be fun, right?
46:55
SPEAKER_01: We should have it be fun.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, that that I think would be kind of cool and kind of manly.
47:00
SPEAKER_01: My dad was murdered, so he he died a manly way.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
47:03
SPEAKER_05: I'd like to I'd like can you do this for me?
47:05
SPEAKER_05: Yes, uh, kill me and then let my body go down a water slide.
47:09
SPEAKER_01: So I'm just like and fly off for a certain price.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: For a certain price, certain price because we can't we'd have to close the theme, the you know, six flags, and we have to close it.
47:19
SPEAKER_01: That's like Michael Jackson stuff where you can.
47:21
SPEAKER_05: Oh, so the flags are half masked for me.
47:25
SPEAKER_01: And then that they might think that you're polluting the water with your dead body.
47:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right, but so I feel like we need to build our own slide.
47:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
47:34
SPEAKER_02: So dream suicide where money is not an object.
47:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
47:37
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, dream suicide.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, we've got a dark topic.
47:42
SPEAKER_01: Dream suicide.
47:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, dream suicide where money's not an object.
47:47
SPEAKER_01: Can I kill a murder suicide?
47:50
SPEAKER_01: No, come on.
47:51
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to murder suicide.
47:52
SPEAKER_01: What about uh no, no, no, but we would often have that option.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: If somebody else wants to be killed, they could be suicided by you.
48:00
SPEAKER_05: Like the most dangerous game sort of deal.
48:02
SPEAKER_05: Like I hunt, I hunt somebody who also wants to die.
48:06
SPEAKER_05: Maybe they want maybe they want to die, but they don't have the money, so they're hunted by me.
48:09
SPEAKER_05: I pay, and they they're gonna die, but it's good, they can't afford it.
48:13
SPEAKER_01: So I thought I was sick, but I I think that's a good idea.
48:18
SPEAKER_01: We will offer that option.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: What about you, Zach?
48:20
SPEAKER_01: Money's no option.
48:21
SPEAKER_02: Um I feel like I'll I'd love to regret it, but maybe drawn and quartered by monster trucks at a monster truck railway.
48:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, you guys are so manly.
48:31
SPEAKER_01: This is not the way.
48:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that'd be cool.
48:37
SPEAKER_02: That'd be awesome.
48:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:38
SPEAKER_01: Talk about getting the the second before when they're putting the ropes around your arms and legs.
48:44
SPEAKER_01: I think that would be uh and then probably one of them wouldn't start.
48:48
SPEAKER_02: Did you get the head?
48:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
48:50
SPEAKER_02: Oh, the head.
48:51
SPEAKER_02: I want one just dragging my head around.
48:52
SPEAKER_01: You guys, you guys, I am getting I'm this is too dark for me.
48:56
SPEAKER_01: It's too dark for you.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: It's too, I never thought I'd say something like that, but this is so dark.
49:01
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, I'm in my element right now.
49:02
SPEAKER_01: You're in your element.
49:05
SPEAKER_01: Maybe this needs to be.
49:06
SPEAKER_02: Your business is so good that you people are like, damn, that sounds cool.
49:10
SPEAKER_02: Like people who never considered suicide before are like, damn, that's extravagant.
49:14
SPEAKER_02: I kind of want to do that.
49:16
SPEAKER_01: Well, I wouldn't call it suicide.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: I would call it go out with a bang.
49:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, go out with a bang or with a bang or just bang, maybe.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: But I need to quickly get that name.
49:29
SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's it's not like I don't I feel like killing yourself and all that unaliving is too they're putting it in a bad light.
49:39
SPEAKER_01: You can decide when you're ending off.
49:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's like I've always kind of like I'm I get uh, you know, I don't know.
49:46
SPEAKER_02: I don't want I you know, you hope your friends can find uh help or whatever and all that and figure it out, but I don't think it's a decision that's usually made that that lightly.
49:58
SPEAKER_02: But uh yeah, the therapeutic boarding school thing's wild because I've like a small you know, you had uh I probably went there with 300 people, 350 people, and I think 25 kids there have uh people who I knew there have either died.
50:11
SPEAKER_01: Wait, say this again.
50:12
SPEAKER_02: So I went with there was probably 350 people who were there at the rolling admissions, but who were there.
50:17
SPEAKER_01: And what is that place?
50:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh this therapeutic boarding school, like the Provo Canyon type of thing.
50:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh, the therapeutic school, yeah.
50:23
SPEAKER_02: The torture school.
50:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
50:24
SPEAKER_02: I'd say about like 25, 30 have died from overdose or suicide.
50:28
SPEAKER_02: And these are people who I knew every detail of their life.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: Like you really like learn everyone's kind of like life story ins and outs, their deepest secrets and stuff.
50:35
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
50:36
SPEAKER_02: And uh, you know, there's not one where I'm like you know, I don't know.
50:42
SPEAKER_02: It's uh there were there were young people.
50:44
SPEAKER_02: I I don't know, there were young people.
50:46
SPEAKER_02: You kind of it might have made sense.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: I believe I don't think anyone made the decision lightly, but you're you kind of wonder if, you know, they couldn't have come out on the other side.
50:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
50:56
SPEAKER_02: They could have possibly something, some meaning, something, because it's you know, they're in their 20s and stuff.
51:03
SPEAKER_01: Did you write any jokes about that therapeutic school?
51:06
SPEAKER_02: Um, I have.
51:06
SPEAKER_02: It's just tough to you, there's so much exposition to it.
51:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, you gotta find that funny.
51:10
SPEAKER_02: You gotta make that phony too, but it's like these three, five-minute sets.
51:14
SPEAKER_02: It's uh, you know, and that's on me.
51:16
SPEAKER_02: I need to be going out on the road and booking hours more and stuff like that and headlining sets at like C and D clubs.
51:22
SPEAKER_02: But um, yeah, it's just tough to work on because it's it requires such a commitment.
51:27
SPEAKER_02: You can't, there's no backing out of it.
51:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you gotta give it the full time, and it's uh yeah, sometimes it can be hard to talk about and stuff too.
51:36
SPEAKER_02: But uh and I blocked a lot of it out, unfortunately.
51:39
SPEAKER_01: But uh isn't that interesting how it happens?
51:43
SPEAKER_01: It does happen where you're just like you almost feel like, is it a dream?
51:47
SPEAKER_01: Did I make this up because it's so blocked?
51:50
SPEAKER_01: When when things were happening with my dad, I wasn't allowed to tell anybody, so I didn't tell anybody.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: So my friends, we we met together up for like a 15-year reunion, and they were like, You had the best fan.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: I was like, What are you talking about?
52:03
SPEAKER_01: But I never in my mind, I thought, well, they must know.
52:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I never told them.
52:09
SPEAKER_02: I remember because after my mom stopped being able to hit me when I was able to stop her, I started, I would she'd be like, tie something reasonable, like tie your shoes, and I'd be leaving.
52:16
SPEAKER_02: I'd be like, Shut up, cunt.
52:17
SPEAKER_02: And my friends were and I like talked to one of my friends, like good friends since kindergarten lately.
52:23
SPEAKER_02: I was like, Oh, yeah, I was last night because I was abused.
52:25
SPEAKER_02: He's like, I had no idea.
52:26
SPEAKER_02: I thought you were just kind of awesome.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, but and you think that they know, yeah, yeah.
52:32
SPEAKER_02: You think it's apparent, and it's people aren't really thinking about your life.
52:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh, they're not trying to crack the code.
52:36
SPEAKER_02: No, people are taking you at face value, they're taking what you give them.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and we learned, and I'm sure this is a rich people thing, maybe, I don't know, but smile, say cheese.
52:46
SPEAKER_01: Nobody needs to know what goes on in this family, nobody, it it's none of their business.
52:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we had some of that too, definitely.
52:53
SPEAKER_02: And I but I'd go to like get sent to all these child therapists, but it was also like, but hey, maybe we keep this detail, the the main thing of why you're acting on maybe we keep that kind of under wrap.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
53:06
SPEAKER_01: When I learned about sex, like at school, which was you know, in uh I think sixth grade, I was just staring at the screen like, oh, I already know all about this.
53:18
SPEAKER_01: But I was just like, oh wow, this is so interesting.
53:21
SPEAKER_01: You know, uh, you just have to you're just living a lie.
53:25
SPEAKER_01: You're I was living a lie, and I was doing a pretty damn good job.
53:29
SPEAKER_01: What do you have coming up that you would like to promote or tell people about you or where they could find you?
53:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I go, I go up to the comedy store a few times a week.
53:37
SPEAKER_02: You can always keep an eye out for me on lineups there.
53:40
SPEAKER_02: Um what's your Instagram handle?
53:42
SPEAKER_02: At hack underscore Stein.
53:45
SPEAKER_02: Soin's Stein.
53:48
SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, that's I just uh catch my stand-up shows.
53:52
SPEAKER_02: Uh Kirk Gone Wild is uh is a YouTube short series that I've helped write on a lot, and I'm I think it's pretty funny.
53:59
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Kurt Gone Wild.
54:01
SPEAKER_02: That's with Kurt Steinmueller.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, me, him, and Jackson Banks working on those together a lot.
54:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I want to check that out.
54:06
SPEAKER_02: Pretty out there and crazy.
54:08
SPEAKER_01: All right.
54:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, I I would like to say that, and you can find me at Andrea Abbott on Instagram, and I'm going all over the place, but it's on my website.
54:18
SPEAKER_01: Um I would like to say communication is your friend.
54:25
SPEAKER_01: Communication is your friend.
54:26
SPEAKER_01: Like you don't have to keep the secrets of your parents or your siblings or for whatever, even your own misdeeds, communication is your friend.
54:35
SPEAKER_01: In AA, which I'm not in, but I I uh know many people in it, and I used to write a show about it, so I'm pretty learned on it.
54:43
SPEAKER_01: Uh, they say you're as sick as your secrets.
54:45
SPEAKER_01: That's kind of a uh that's showing one side, but what I'm saying is if you can communicate about your situation to your friend, to your boyfriend, to your brother or your sister, it's a key to like unlock some of the negative feelings that you are hanging on to.
55:04
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to see, oh my God, they have to be a paid professional and blah, blah, blah.
55:09
SPEAKER_01: No, communication.
55:10
SPEAKER_01: You can communicate to others and try to uh embrace your story.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: Like to me, those most negative things that happened in my life are actually a little bit of gifts as far as comedy and writing, because no one can talk about those subjects as well as I can.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: I you live, uh, I think it's Mark Twain that says nothing bad happens to a writer that's all fodder for the mill.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: Fodder's an old-fashioned word that just means it's all stuff to go in and grind and do is your story.
55:39
SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of people coming out of Harvard and Yale that have degrees in writing.
55:44
SPEAKER_01: But if you have real stories, if you were drinking from the toilet, as some of the some friends of mine did when they were the kids, you drink from the toilet because your mom was too messed up to feed you, you've got a story that somebody that from Harvard and Yale did not does not have and will never have.
56:02
SPEAKER_01: You are already a survivor.
56:04
SPEAKER_01: And these things, these maybe terrible, embarrassing, or negative things, you will find if you communicate about them to friends and talk about, you'll shine them up and go, you know what?
56:15
SPEAKER_01: This is something I can use to help others or to create about it and to take any guilt and shame off of it.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm a survivor, and we all are.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: We're stronger than we think, and I'm really glad you're here.
56:28
SPEAKER_01: We may be damaged goods, but we are still on the shelf.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: And there's hope for all of us.
56:34
SPEAKER_01: And I hope you join us again.
56:35
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
56:36
SPEAKER_01: Thank you to Zach Stein.
56:38
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for having me.
56:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're wonderful.
56:40
SPEAKER_01: And Alex, this was wonderful.
56:41
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Zach.
56:42
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it, both.
56:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's been it.
56:44
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
56:49
SPEAKER_00: Damage goods.