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Why highly sensitive men justify their needs (INFJ/INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, dear soul, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Today I just want to acknowledge how difficult it is to be a highly sensitive man in today's culture.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know that many of you are, you know, in workplaces where, you know, you've kind of got to just there's a sense of maybe not being able to be yourself, of not being able to share, you know, why you might react the way you do, or why you need ways, things to be a certain way in in your workplaces, or maybe even with friends or family.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: It feels awkward to share parts of your high sensitivity with friends because it just might create awkwardness, or it's like, you know, hey, could you not wear that perfume when you're with me?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I know that's one of the things my husband, it's just like when my dad comes to visit or whatever, and he's just got like cologne, it's just he's like, I can't even visit because uh he's just I can't focus.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just am smelling cologne, you know.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So it's there's just these tiny things sometimes, but they just create this awkwardness because we're, you know, we're just a smaller portion of the population that have this high sensitivity.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I realize today that there's like people of kind of normal the bell curve, normal sensitivity, and then there's people on the other end that have low sensitivity.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine being, you know, around someone who's in that low sensitivity category where we're born with high sensitivity.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's whoa.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I just I found that fascinating the other day.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, anyway, that it's hard, hard to have all of this emotional depth because we're processing lots at the same time.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it can often feel like we need to justify ourselves or explain ourselves to others.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I think one of the hardest and most difficult things can be when we feel like we need to justify our own high sensitivities to ourselves, and that we need to explain them and kind of have a reason why we need things the way we need them to ourselves.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that can cause a sense of of friction within us, or a sense of just disharmony maybe, of like we need quiet, or we need space, or we need, you know, whatever it is, the lights dimmed, and it's kind of like, oh, I should just be able to have the lights on, you know, or I should I should just be able to, you know, be outside and like listen to all the neighbors everywhere just being so noisy and like just need to be here.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like I can't, I need to go inside and close the windows because it's so loud and noisy.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um I know that for my husband, sometimes we go out and eat lunch outside, and you know, there's just the kids next door, and then that neighbor will have like his TV on blaring sports and yelling at the dog, and then that one will have like their dogs outside, and then they'll be like playing guitar over now there.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like, okay, I was just gonna enjoy lunch outside, but not going to anymore.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, we end up having to explain or justify or or feel bad about our own sensitivities, and it just takes so much energy to to do that, and you know, we we have these these needs, and we don't I'm coming to the this this place of like we don't need to justify these things to others or ourselves, and I know that sounds really kind of kind of scary, especially for others, you know, um, but I know as an INFP, like I I'm much more able to kind of say things about what I need um than my husband who's an INFJ and is really care caring for making sure that everyone's in harmony with each other.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: So not wanting to say to my dad, you know, like, hey, your cologne's really strong.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, I'm really kind of sensitive with my smell.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, could you maybe, you know, whereas, and he's my dad, okay.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I've I've said to my husband, like, how about I just tell my dad like not to wear cologne when he comes to visit?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and he's like, Yes, please.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I think I think in order to be be calmer inside, we not need to start just even before we start telling others maybe about our high sensitivities, we just need to find that space within ourselves that is relaxed and accepting of these things, acknowledging them.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: So often we're we're we're we're pushing all that stuff away.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to be that way because the world says that's weird, or the world says that's not acceptable, or the world says so we can find ourselves wanting to do what the world wants us to do.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we can start thinking like that inside of ourselves.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's I think I think that's really mean.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's really harmful to our own soul inside of us.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: That it's like if we're not on our team, it's like my husband's always saying to me, like, we're on the same team.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes when I'm like wanting to do do something and he's like telling me why maybe that's not a good idea, it's like and I'll just get a bit frustrated or whatever.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, We're on the same team.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, right, okay, we're on the same team.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that we need to be on the same team within ourselves.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: We need to like be on our team.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, if we need quiet, if we need to maybe move somewhere that is, you know, that doesn't have upstairs neighbors or doesn't have like outside neighbors or whatever, or if we need to change jobs because it's just too intense and we're suffering mentally or physically because of our job, or we have a friend that is just we've explained our high sensitivity and they just are like the like maybe it's time to let go of that friendship.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, I think we need to be on our own team.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm like, I'm hoping that we give each other permission to to just accept ourselves for who we are, and then we can build a life that that is is more more in alignment with who who are who who our soul is and how our physical selves were born with these high sensitivities.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's okay, it's okay.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um I think we just need to, yeah, honor, honor those truths that like honor the truth inside our own mind and our own heart.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then allow them to just be true for us and sit with that, see where that takes us, giving ourselves space to breathe.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we live in a world that is just that says no, and basically it's like a big no of like, you're we're too much, we're not, you know, all the things.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it has all these things it says to us, and we internalize those sometimes.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think we all internalize those things, you know, that maybe even our mother said to us, or our father said to us, or our siblings, you know, when we were growing up, and those those things are still in there saying all the things that are not true when we're on our own team and we give ourselves permission to say, I don't feel like I'm too much.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just have a different way of seeing the world, you know.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or it's like I, yeah, as an if with intuition, it's like I see things that other people don't, and they don't want me to share those things, and that's okay, but I'm going to acknowledge those things.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna maybe write them in a journal or or share them maybe on a on a YouTube channel or whatever it is that that you need to do to honor the things that you have, like intuition or you know, far seeingness, or you know, all the things.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just be on your own team.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um I think that's that's the message that I want you to sit with.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like a safe space to come and honor those those those feelings, honor your high sensitivity with other men to be in a space with other HSP men who who are going through a lot of this same stuff.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, come and be a part of the gentleman's conversations.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they are they I've we've had two so far, and it's just been so so wonderful to sit with other high sensitive, highly sensitive people, but these men just seeing each other and sharing, sharing their experience and talking about whether it's talking about working in corporate world and how that has been so hard for them as HSPs, or whether it's talking about emotions and and having to not feel feel them so much, or feeling them, like you know, just all the things that just you can't talk about with maybe anyone else in your life.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So um if you would like to come and share space with other highly sensitive men, there is another um conversation happening on June.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote it down this time, June, Tuesday, June 23rd from 6 to 7:30 mountain standard time.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I know many of you have have there are tentative because you're introverts.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I know most of us here are introverts.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Extroverts are welcome, absolutely.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just say that because my husband and I are both introverts.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but please come.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Introverts, we talk, right?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: We all talk, we know how to talk.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And um even if you just come and say very little, but I I bet you that you'll you'll say more than you think you will.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you're welcome to have your camera off if you'd like to, if you're feeling quite, quite nervous.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: But um yeah, it's it's a wonderful, it's a wonderful experience.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had really good feedback from the men who have come.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love for you to join us um next Tuesday.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I will leave the links for that down below.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And just a reminder that you are on your own team.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not on your own team, then who is on your own team?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, please leave me a comment below about how this felt to you inside.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: This felt like, whoa, I haven't been on my own team.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I need to be on my own team.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or like I found my way to being my own on my own team and it's changed my life.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'd love to hear from you about your experience about this.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, sending you so many blessings and signing off for today.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: XOXO Kate.