Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Senior Scams: MOM GOT CATFISHED
Transcript
- Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: ⁓ Julie Cook: I have seen situations where folks come in, ⁓ and I don't to put everybody in the same category, ⁓ 99.9 % of people in a senior living community staff, people who come in, therapy, home help, are amazing and have the best intentions. ⁓ However, there's bad in every category. And so I have seen people who come in, earn, maybe not even from a romantic angle, but they'll earn the trust of a senior. And the next thing you know, they have become power of attorney over their assets, over what happens with them. The other thing to consider when we're talking about assisted living communities is a lot of times people go because they want community, which is a beautiful thing. You have someone recently widowed, they're lonely, they're isolated, but now all of sudden there's this handsome young gentleman. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Julie Cook: not young, handsome gentleman that I played bingo with. He wants to take me to dinner. Now he's wanting me to stay, you know, stay the night with him. That's fine. You're grown, but then he's wanting me to move into his apartment. He's wanting to know more about my assets. Now we're getting into sticky waters where it's not a friendship. It's not even a romantic relationship. It's involving finances. And so that's the thing where I think the family has to be involved if you know, your parent, Nikki Flynn: Thanks. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: you Mm. Julie Cook: They're grown, they want to have a relationship, fine. But first of all, how is that going to impact their finances? how is, said, how's that going to impact the benefits that they could be receiving from a spouse that has passed? And that's important to know because as you mentioned, Allison, there are other options. You don't have to get married. You do need to protect those benefits. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: You do need to pair. I guess people think, like, a little old lady, a little old man, they're so cute, whatever. But a predator can be a predator. A wolf in sheep's clothing, right? once of those, you like a criminal, you don't know, like they could still be. I mean, what's in the inside, you know, ⁓ still in So the love bombing still happens. We see things today in our current social media stuff about ⁓ narcissists and bombing and people getting roped in into things. So it still happens in the senior facilities, too. ⁓ And then ⁓ speaking of media. So mom or dad, is there lonely? they're learning how to use face mostly Facebook I don't think there's I mean sometimes people use other things but Facebook is a common thing for for people to use they get that friend request from somebody that is not friends with anybody else that they know and they start strike up a conversation online with someone because they're lonely how sad I mean and it's sad and it evolves into something more where somebody's asking for money, but they're like, well, they're my friend. They've been my, and it's a long con, by the way. It's a long con. And that's, that's the thing. It's not like, Hey, be my friend. do know a little something about this, but it happened to somebody actually a little younger than me. And it wasn't even a romantic thing. was them on Facebook. Julie Cook: Yes, yes, not quick. is. Nikki Flynn: Mm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: you know, ⁓ whoops, sorry, I didn't mean to do that or called them or texted them or something. But anyways, they became friends six months or so. And then the person says to them, I just made a ton of money on this crypto site, right? I'm just going to say. And they show them, like, look, here's documentation of what I did. So they're not saying, give me the money. They're saying, here's the site that I used where I put in $1,000 and I made $10,000. And then the person does that, clicks on the stuff. We are here today helping Gen Xers navigate their parents senior years. I'm real estate broker Allison Newland with Platinum Properties of Florida in Greater Tampa area. I am here with Julie Cook with Generation Transitions and Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services and today we're talking about romance. It makes me want to say Romancing the Stone because that was a movie from the Gen... wasn't it a movie from the Gen X or times? I don't even know but it makes me want to say that but last week we were talking about helping our aging parents avoid scams and we stopped at the end because we have like a whole category about creates a username and password, and then the criminals go in and scam her for like $30,000 before they figured out, you know, she thought it was a friend sharing her, you know. Julie Cook: I think so. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: money making thing, but it didn't seem like a scam because they, she wasn't asking for it directly. She's like, here's the site I used and whatever. And this was not a dumb person, you know? So those kinds of things can, can and do happen through, know, an accidental text, a message on Facebook, but now it's suddenly there. ⁓ start to be friends. Well, I I don't know you. I'm not your friend. I don't know. What do you guys know about that kind of stuff too? Anything? ⁓ romance scams and how to protect our aging parents and their assets. I do not have any experience with this one ⁓ all because if mom started dating after my dad passed away, I was not aware of it. I was telling ⁓ Nikki that and it doesn't even have to be dating. It's fake dating. It's like scamming stuff. So ⁓ whoever to jump in first and get because Nikki, you had some things to say. I know that. Julie Cook: I think it. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: you do? ⁓ Julie Cook: Yeah, I think it's important on social media to your personal information. So many people are like, ⁓ it's all my friends and I'm telling them my whole life story. That's just, it's just not wise because people who are criminal have a criminal mind are using all that personal information you're throwing out there to build their case and to be able, whether it's a romantic scam or they're just coming after your money or whatever. And we're just handing it to them like, hey, here's my whole life story. ⁓ Nikki Flynn: Yeah, so we were just talking earlier about like just the whole point of, know, when you are living on your own, you know, you're widowed and you're looking for somebody, you're lonely. So you're on social media or you've met somebody in the community and you know, you're traveling, you're living life with them. It's kind of like, ⁓ it's a new start. It's it's those butterfly feelings. And then all of sudden they're like, hey, let's get married. And then the downfall comes to where Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: True, true like. Nikki Flynn: one of their health starts declining, well, they're coming with baggage. They've already been married before. They already have families. So if something were to happen to one of them and they already have their finances, their estate already established, and now they get married, now it's gonna be the children of that said person is gonna try to be staking claim on their assets. Like, ⁓ well, you married my dad, so half of yours is mine. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: when you answer those questionnaires or something, those fun things like how many things, know, ⁓ you go to high school? What was the name of your mascot? What was your name of your first ⁓ Was it a cat or a dog? Those are common answers to like security questions too. But like, you went high school in, you know, in Illinois? ⁓ So did And they try and strike up some sort of commonality because they're trying to you Nikki Flynn: So it's just trying to be aware of the parents know like, yes, we're happy you're moving on. We're happy that you're living your life and you found somebody. But you need to be strategic with putting things in place to protect yourself ⁓ A, you wanna take care of your family, not somebody else's. ⁓ family should always come first. ⁓ there's a lot of provisions and clauses that can be put into trust documents that if one passes away. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: get, you know, and so it might not happen at a senior facility, but I'm really worried about that. The where you said that the the health care workers can have. But I mean, no, no, you're not. No, you're not. OK, well, but a lot of times the person that comes into. Julie Cook: And it's rare. Let me emphasize that. I'm going to get hate mail. It's super, super, it's super rare, but it's good to be aware of. Nikki Flynn: prenuptial agreements need to be drafted in order for somebody to remarry or just putting the assets into the kids' names. But just jumping into a relationship because they're lonely is something that they tend to do. And that's the unfortunate part, because they lonely. They had a life partner for so many years and they lost them. And ⁓ it's just them sitting at home looking at the four walls. They're trying not to bother their children. They're trying to live their life, but they can only do so much. Well, you can, I'll throw the shade. You can direct it towards me. I have seen it firsthand with a home hospice nurse calling me, trying to get me to write a power of attorney for a client that A, was put on hospice when she had no business being on hospice. I had a full blown conversation with her. She was deemed incapacitated, which was no reason for her to be incapacitated. ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Well, I mean, you can do that without getting remarried. Hello. don't know why you would want to get. I don't know. ⁓ mean, at some, I'm sure why you would want to get remarried in many cases. Like you could still be happy and not be remarried is what I'm saying. Sometimes, you know, messes it up, but ⁓ also sometimes you would know this benefits that people receive, ⁓ like military benefits that maybe a spouse of a veteran Nikki Flynn: They were intentionally not getting her out of bed, not doing her physical therapy to gain her strength so she could get back on her own feet by herself and not need home health anymore. And a friend stepped in, a family friend stepped in and called me and told me what was going on. And I was just, I was so upset. Called protective services, filed a report. They claim no findings, which is baloney. Like they changed the password of her bank account. Yeah. Mm-hmm. got into her bank, moved into her house, moved all of her stuff into her garage. Like it just, it turned into a nightmare. And it was because, ⁓ they're so sweet. They're helping me. Like, you know, I want to take care of them and they come from a good heart. They, they want to see the good in everybody, but these people intentionally do this to take from them. And they think that nobody is out looking out for them. And that's the sad part. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: might have been receiving if they get married they might lose benefits that they were receiving doesn't that happen sometimes like I'm sure I'm sure they would be smart enough not to lose those benefits ⁓ get married No. Julie Cook: ⁓ my god. Nikki Flynn: Yes. Right, well, it's usually the other way around. They're wanting to pass those benefits down to this person that they're with because they know that they want to be able to take care of them when they're no longer here. So they're like, but you know, I want her to receive my benefits. And, know, after age 70, as long as you've been married for over a year, you can claim those benefits. Family and friends live in different states. They're all by their lonesome. that's ⁓ part that's really scary is when that happens, ⁓ when they get preyed upon because they know ⁓ is there looking out for them. So it's a little bit different than when you're trying to claim somebody's social security benefits. You have to be with them for 10 years to be able to claim those. When you are over the age of 70, not 10 years. it's just, depending on what their motive is and their goal is, that's what they're trying to do. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: So that person had family, but they were just unaware of what was going on. And so that falls under elder abuse, right? Was that? Hmm. Nikki Flynn: Yep, 100%. Julie Cook: And I think that's where it's huge and it sounds dumb to educate your parents, but because as we've said before, our parents didn't grow up with technology. Facebook and all that stuff was not. And so they're used to interpret, you know, the neighbor, I know the neighbor, I've known him, we've lived beside each other for 20 years. Facebook is a whole different animal. You don't know those people. They're putting up pictures. We don't know that those are real pictures. And so they'll have to be educated because a lot of them have such a good heart. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: So that's not necessarily like a scam, but it's something somebody should be on the lookout for terms of combining assets And if don't do it right with paperwork, is that what I'm hearing? ⁓ Nikki Flynn: Well, I mean, there could be some scams out there where they intentionally are trying to marry somebody because they know what kind of assets they have. Yes. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Fake, fake pictures. Well, yeah, so the one you were talking about right there was just, you know, we're in love, we want to be together, and that was nice. And but they we need to have mom, dad, or mom or dad be smart about it, and make sure that their wishes which may be to pass ⁓ Julie Cook: and they see somebody who's young and present themselves as struggling and they want to be able to help and they have to be taught to be savvy enough to just guard themselves. Still have that good heart and giving heart, but find a way to do that correctly so you don't get taken advantage of. Nikki Flynn: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: assets down to their own family members is documented so it doesn't get mixed up in all of the stuff with the new spouse. ⁓ then, mean, talking about, I mean, ⁓ know, What can we do, I mean, what can we do to, having conversations with our parents about this, is anything that ⁓ can recommended? Should we be... Nikki Flynn: Just making sure that you're doing those check-ins. Like you need to be knowing what's going on in that household. You need to pay attention to that. And if you have the documents in place, then you should have every right to be able to look and monitor their checking account. You need to be able to pay attention to that, to make sure that there's nothing going in and out that looks suspicious. But it starts with knowing what's going on in that house. And there have been times where I've told my clients, Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: are there grifters in ⁓ assisted living ⁓ are there grifters in ⁓ assisted living ⁓ Nikki Flynn: you have to worry about sometimes the home health nurses or the hospice nurses, unfortunately, where they will try to gain power of attorney over somebody and ⁓ be to ⁓ bleed estates dry, get into their bank accounts. And Julianne, I know you know this. ⁓ Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Tell me more. I mean, I was kind of half joking about grifters in the facilities, but ⁓ my goodness. Okay, tell me more. Julie Cook: That she's true. Nikki Flynn: Put a camera in the house. I mean, don't put it in their bedroom, because that's kind of weird, but put a camera in their house so that way you know who's coming and going at the door. So you put a ring doorbell and then put one in inside the house. So that way, you know, if there's random people coming over, I have one who had dementia who would always invite anybody who came to her door to her house, inside of her house. She lived by herself. She was widowed. She had dementia. It was horrible. Julie Cook: It's legit, it's legitimate. Sadly, I've seen situations where, we'll say staff, I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but there's, you know, there's staff at a community, there's staff that comes in, home health therapy, things like that. ⁓ they have access to these seniors. Again, may not be from a romantic angle, but they've developed a friendship, they've developed trust. And now suddenly they're, like Nikki said, they're wanting to make them power of attorney, let them have full rule of everything. Nikki Flynn: Like, and she's like, ⁓ yeah, the cable guy's coming over and she invites him in, doesn't have anybody there with her. Like, you don't know who you're inviting in. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: So that would have been great for her to be in a memory care type of facility or just a regular assisted living facility. Can person with dementia be in an independent living facility? ⁓ But she was living on ⁓ her but ⁓ herself danger. ⁓ Nikki Flynn: No, well, depending on the degree of. Julie Cook: Depending, yeah, depending. But in those... Nikki Flynn: So this is where, and this is the tricky situation, okay? When they have documents in place, because they did. And God rest her soul, she just passed away yesterday and I love her with all my heart. I got, yeah, I got the call today. I was like, already had my three for the year. She, no, that wasn't supposed to happen, but ⁓ refused to go to the doctors. So she was, ⁓ was monitoring her decline. Her daughter lived in Georgia. She lived in Nevada. Julie Cook: Mm. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: ⁓ my goodness. Nikki Flynn: she was declining and nobody was there to catch her. And when I left, I was stopping by and I was starting to see the digression and I was starting to see what was happening. I called her daughter and was like, I'm sorry, but all times ⁓ have to ⁓ there. You have to, and this is what's happening. ⁓ were able to get the cameras up and installed and they saw what was happening. But when they don't want to go to the doctors, when they think that they're fine, and they start getting combative, that's when there's problems. And if the documents that are put into place say that your children can't act unless you're incapacitated, who's gonna say that you're incapacitated when you're refusing to go to the doctors? So the kids can't step in, but you have the proper documents in place and you're mentally declining and you're driving around town and you're lost and police are having to be called because people are reporting you missing. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Right. Nikki Flynn: because you have wandered somewhere. You went to church on Tuesday thinking it was Sunday, got lost going down the street. Like there's so many things. So that's the scary part. I mean, there's only so much you can do when things are not fully linked together and put into place. So if they're not going to the doctors, nobody's catching that decline. They are living on their own. And until the family kind of has to kidnap them essentially. take them out of their home and put them into a facility or try to coax them into coming to stay with them to get them to be seen by a doctor, to start that pathway, to reach out to somebody like Julie to say, we need to find memory care, this is what we need to do. But it was a long process and it's unfortunate, but yes, that's exactly what happens. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Mm-hmm. Yeah, this is the ride that we are going on, Gen Xers, helping our aging parents transition, navigate their senior years. we just, we don't what to expect. So we're trying to give different examples of ⁓ things that and could happen and help you protect your parents through process. Julie, do you have anything else to add? Julie Cook: I do so Nikki mentioned cameras and those are allowed in assisted living communities. A lot of times they'll put up a notice that there is a camera in place. I think that's a great benefit, especially if the kids are out of state. Again, you don't have to put it in the bedroom. Put a camera at the door. Put a camera in the living room just so you can see who is coming in and out. You know you can even listen in if you want to on conversations just to keep an eye on mom and dad to see what's happening and then also. we were talking about someone with dementia, I worked with a situation with someone who is in that situation, very combative, and the wife had to get guardianship. And then we had to tell husband we were going out to lunch. The truth is he was moving into memory care. He was having lunch there. And it just the only way to get in there because he was adamant that he would not go. And the staff was aware, very kind, very They did it with pure class. You know, but sometimes those situations arrive. And the good thing about this conversation is if someone is watching and you're dealing with that, know that it's normal. You're not alone. Other people have had to face this. You feel like you're the villain because you've got to get help for your parents who refuse to get help. You're not the villain. You're doing what is best for them when they can't make that decision for themselves. And that's so important to know that you're doing what is right. And you have to stand by that to keep them safe. Allison Newlon, Greater Tampa: Yeah, I think there's a lot of unknowns we try to help our aging parents navigate their senior years. This is new territory for us. There's not really a playbook for it because, ⁓ know, our parents' didn't live as long. And so we didn't see all these same things happening. our parents are longer. now we, ⁓ you know, the has left the station and it's coming right at us at a very high speed. each one of us has our own things that we're navigating ⁓ and just here trying to offer some ⁓ practical advice to different situations ⁓ and appreciate you watching. ⁓ Look information in the description below ⁓ and not forget to subscribe. good.