Latest / Interview Prep with Fexingo: Behavioral Questions, Case Studies, and Hiring Manager Insights / How to Handle an Illegal Interview Question
Transcript
- Lucas: You're in the middle of what feels like a solid interview. You've nailed the behavioral questions, you've got a good rapport with the hiring manager. And then she looks at you and asks, 'So, do you have kids? Or do you plan to?' Luna: Uh-oh. Lucas: Right. That question might feel like small talk, but it's actually illegal in many contexts. And most candidates freeze. They don't want to seem difficult, so they answer it and hope it goes away. Luna: And that's exactly what employers who ask these questions are counting on. But knowing you have rights and knowing how to navigate that moment without tanking your candidacy are two different things. Lucas: So today we're going to talk about illegal interview questions. What actually qualifies, what to do in the moment, and how to pivot without seeming combative. Luna: Quick honest thing before we dive in. A handful of listeners chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, and that's literally what funds making episodes like this one possible. No ads, no sponsors, just listener support. Lucas: If this show has helped you think through a career move or a tough interview moment, that link is there. And it genuinely makes a difference. Okay, back to the topic. Luna: So first, Lucas, let's define what we mean by 'illegal.' In the U.S., what law governs this? Lucas: Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, plus the Age Discrimination in Employment Act, the Americans with Disabilities Act, and a few others. Together they prohibit discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age over 40, disability, and genetic information. Some states add marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity. Luna: So if a question touches on any of those protected characteristics, it's not automatically illegal. But it's highly problematic because it could be used to discriminate. Lucas: Exactly. The EEOC's guidance says employers shouldn't ask questions that are likely to elicit information about a protected characteristic—unless it's a bona fide occupational requirement. Which is rare. Luna: Right. So 'Are you planning to have children?' is almost never job-related. 'What year did you graduate?' can be a proxy for age. 'Do you have any disabilities?' is a huge red flag. Lucas: Let's talk about a real example. A listener of ours—let's call her Sarah—was interviewing for a project manager role at a mid-sized tech company. The hiring manager asked, 'Who watches your kids while you're at work?' Luna: Wow. That's pretty blatant. What did she do? Lucas: She paused, took a breath, and then said, 'I'm fully available during our core hours and I'm comfortable handling my schedule. Can you tell me more about the team's current workload?' She redirected to the job. Luna: That's a great move. She didn't answer the question, but she didn't confront either. She just steered back to professional ground. Lucas: And she got the job, by the way. The hiring manager later apologized in a follow-up call, said he realized it was inappropriate. But Sarah had already decided if the offer came, she'd accept—but she'd also note the question in her notes. Luna: So let's break down your toolkit. What are the options when you get an illegal question? Lucas: Option one: answer the intent, not the question. For example, if someone asks 'Are you planning to have kids?' you can say, 'I'm focused on this role and my career right now. I'm not worried about that.' You're addressing the underlying concern—commitment—without revealing personal details. Luna: Option two: the polite redirect. Like Sarah did. Or if they ask about your age: 'I'm not sure how that relates to the job. Can you tell me more about what you're looking for in the role?' Lucas: Option three: name the concern directly—but this one is higher risk. You could say, 'I'm not comfortable answering that, as it could be used for discrimination. But I'm happy to talk about my relevant experience.' That's direct, professional, but it might ruffle feathers. Luna: And it might also cause the interviewer to realize they messed up and backpedal. But it could also make them defensive. Lucas: Right. So I usually recommend option one or two unless the question is egregious and you've already decided you don't want the job unless they handle it well. Luna: What about when the question comes from a recruiter or HR, not the hiring manager? In some ways that's scarier because HR should know better. Lucas: It's unfortunately common. A 2022 survey by the Society for Human Resource Management found that nearly 30 percent of HR professionals admitted they sometimes ask questions that could be considered illegal. Most of the time it's ignorance, not malice. Luna: Still, if an HR person asks about marital status or age, that's a red flag about the company culture. Lucas: Absolutely. One thing I tell candidates: keep a written record. After the interview, jot down the exact question, the context, the time, and who asked. If you later feel you were discriminated against, that documentation is gold. Luna: But most people don't file complaints. They just want to get through the process and land the job. So what's the best approach for that middle ground? Lucas: I'd say go with the redirect. And then after the interview, if you have a recruiter contact, you might mention it informally. Something like, 'By the way, I was asked about my family status during the interview. I'm sure it was unintentional, but I wanted to flag it.' Luna: That's a classy move. It educates without accusing, and if the company is worth joining, they'll appreciate the feedback. Lucas: Let's cover another common one: 'What is your religious affiliation?' Some companies, especially in certain regions, might ask if you're available to work on weekends. But they can ask about availability without asking about religion. Luna: Right. So you say, 'I'm available to work weekends if needed. Can you tell me more about the schedule requirements?' Lucas: Exactly. You don't have to disclose your religion to answer whether you can work a shift. Luna: Another one: 'Do you have any health conditions?' That's a direct violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act unless it's after a conditional job offer and related to essential functions. Lucas: And if you're asked that before an offer, you can say, 'I can perform the essential functions of the job with or without reasonable accommodation. I'd like to focus on my qualifications.' Luna: If you do need an accommodation, you don't have to disclose it until after the offer. And then you can start a conversation about what you need. Lucas: One more scenario: 'Are you a U.S. citizen?' That one is tricky. It's actually legal to ask about work authorization, but phrasing it as citizenship can be a proxy for national origin discrimination. Luna: So the safe answer is: 'I am authorized to work in the United States.' That's all they need. Lucas: Exactly. And if they push for specifics about your visa status, you can say, 'I have the legal right to work. If we move forward, I'm happy to provide documentation.' Luna: What about questions that seem innocent, like 'Where did you grow up?' or 'That's an unusual name—where's it from?' Lucas: Those can be subtle proxies for race or national origin. If you're comfortable answering, fine. But if you sense the interviewer is probing, you can deflect with humor: 'I grew up all over the place. Are you asking because you're looking for someone with regional market knowledge?' Luna: I like that. You're not accusing, you're just steering back to the job. Lucas: The key principle across all of this: you are not obligated to give information that is not job-relevant. And you can maintain your professionalism while protecting your privacy. Luna: Let's talk about when it might be worth escalating. If you get a question that's clearly discriminatory and the company doesn't seem to take it seriously, you might want to report to the EEOC or your state's fair employment agency. Lucas: But that's a big step. The EEOC had about 60,000 charges of discrimination filed in 2025. Most take months to investigate. So it's not a quick fix. But if you experience a pattern—or if the question is combined with a rejection that seems based on bias—it might be worth it. Luna: And if you're in a state with stronger protections, like California or New York, you have additional recourse. Lucas: Yeah, California's Fair Employment and Housing Act covers more categories and applies to smaller employers. So know your local law. Luna: Alright, let's wrap up with a quick checklist. Illegal question comes up: first, stay calm. Second, decide if you want to answer, redirect, or name the concern. Third, document it after. Fourth, if you get the job, great—you can decide if the culture is still a fit. If you don't, you have a record. Lucas: One last thought: many interviewers who ask these questions don't realize they're out of bounds. They're nervous, they're trying to connect, and they fall back on small talk that happens to be illegal. So giving them a graceful out while protecting yourself is often the best outcome for both sides. Luna: And if you're listening and you've been through this, or you handled it well, we'd love to hear your story. Drop us a note. It might help someone else in the same spot. Lucas: Good luck out there. And remember—you're not just answering questions. You're evaluating them too.