Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / The Most Dramatic Book Club Ever: Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of A Grateful Heart by Trista Sutter

Transcript

The Most Dramatic Book Club Ever: Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of A Grateful Heart by Trista Sutter · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Almost Famous Podcast with iHeartRadio.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Hey, Almost Famous crew. Welcome back.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: It's another episode of the Most Dramatic Book Club.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: And what's really fun.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: About this episode is I get to chat with somebody
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: who we love on this pod. And usually she's the
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: one asking questions. But today she's in the hot seat
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: because I'm talking about Trista Sutter. And I'm talking about
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: her book, Happily Ever After, The Life-Changing Power of a
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Grateful Heart.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Thanks for coming on the pod, Trista.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me and letting me not have to
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: do any prep. Literally, I just get to sit down
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and not read anything.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: You were also kind of shocked one day when I
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: just texted you and I was like, I'm reading your book.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I haven't heard that in a long time. I don't
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: even know when it was published.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'll tell you.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Like a long time ago.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: You wrote this book in 2013.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Long time ago.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: So it's fun for me to listen. I did the
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: audio version of this book.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, so you had to listen to my voice
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: the whole time.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: No, but I actually thought that that was one thing
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: I wanted to talk about because 2013, you weren't potting
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: back then.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't a thing. I don't think it even existed.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: So- how you read is very.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Different than how you pod.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I need to go back and listen.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: It was cute though, because I think you get more
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and more comfortable, you know, throughout the book as you're
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: recording with, you know, probably listening back. But for anybody that,
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: you know, has thought about picking up your book and,
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: you know, it's a great book to pick up because
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: to me, it felt like a mixture of some nuggets
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: of a memoir, and advice, and practical advice. And it
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: all revolves around gratitude. And we're going to talk about
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: it because I want to know where you stand with
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: practicing gratitude today and.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: If that's changed.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: But in 2013, when you're writing this, your kids are
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: still fairly little, which is a big kind of common
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: theme throughout the story. And so I want to know,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: have your kids ever read this book? Or have you
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: talked to them about it? No.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: They have not read the book. Yeah, they know that
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I wrote the book. And, you know, it's in different
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: places in our house. But no, I don't believe they've
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: read it. It's funny because I feel like it was
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: last year or two years ago, one of Blake Slay's
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: close friends was like, I'm reading the book. I was like, wait, what?
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: That's so sweet. Like, I love that you are picking
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: up the book, you know, that you want to know
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: About my life and about the power of gratitude because
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: that's truly where it came from was I wanted to
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: write a children's book because the kids were so small.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And I had always wanted to. I think at that
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: point when it was published, so I was writing it
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: obviously for a couple of years before that, it was
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: published when Max was six and Blakeslee was probably five.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to write a children's book. I found
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: a literary agent through my agent and she was like,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: it's really hard to start with children's books. You can,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: but it's really hard. And you need a book, you know?
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: And at that point in time, I didn't have a
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: concept for a children's book. So I was like, okay, well, great.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: She's like, well, what would you want to write about?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: What's important to you? And we just talked about all
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: different things and gratitude stuck. And she's like, I really
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: love that, that aspect. And so I was like, yeah,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I would love to write about gratitude. I want it
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: to be a positive book. I want it to be
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: something that my kids will say, grandma, great-grandma, great-great-grandma wrote this,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: you know, back in the day and have it be
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: my legacy or one of them.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: How long did it take you to write this?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Like two years, two or three years.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: After you got the lit agent, it was a two-year
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: writing process?
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: That is incredible because during the process, did you ever
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: think about giving up This is too much.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: This is taking too long.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, it was so much. Yeah. And it's just really hard.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Young kids take up a lot. I mean, kids in general,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: they take up a lot of time now and they're
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: 17 and 19. So at that time, I was like there. Yeah.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Very present and in their lives. And Blakeslee, I don't think,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: had even started school yet. So, you know, I'm with
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: them 24-7. Not that I'm complaining at all. That was
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: just like life. And it was hard. But- Thank goodness.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Ryan was so amazing. And when I needed to write
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: or when I got like a spark and said, oh,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I need to go do something. I went over to
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: my neighbor's house and they were incredibly gracious. They let
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: me use, they had this like kind of turret, like
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: a turret, like a castle turret in their house. And
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I would just go up there with complete silence because
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I am the kind of writer. This is also why
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: it took me forever. I have to have complete silence
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: to write anything. I cannot, like even with a post
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: these days, writing out a freaking caption, I need like,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: if Ryan's like playing music or whatever, I'm like, nope,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: have to go into another room or downstairs in our
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: sauna because I needed to be completely silent.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I understand that.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: One of the things that your book is made up
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: of as well, besides your personal stories and thoughts, is
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: a lot of really powerful quotes, right?
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: And so I wondered if you'd.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Saved those quotes throughout the year or during your writing process,
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: you went searching for quotes that kind of represented what
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: you were writing in that time.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: A lot of them I had saved. So I have
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: like a quote book that I would, when I was younger,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: like even high school and college, and I would just
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: write down a quote if I liked it. And so
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: a lot of them come from... back when I was younger,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: or a young mom, or before I got married, or whatever.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: So I kept a lot. But there were times with
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: different sections because I wanted the quotes to kind of
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: represent the sections of the book, the chapters in a way.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Which they do.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: So I did search for some of them, but a
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: lot of them are part of my quote book.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Love that. I also loved.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: That through this process of reading it, I got to
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: know so much about you that I didn't know already.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: And I almost.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: caught myself a couple of times.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: I texted Amy instead of texting you because I knew
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: I was going to sit down with you, but I
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: wanted to be like, Oh my gosh, I didn't know.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: This about you.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: And instead I was, I texted Amy and I'd say, Amy,
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: did you know this about Trista?
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: And so, Oh, I'm dying to know.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Well, one of the first.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Things was that I didn't know that you quit your
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: job to do the bachelorette. And so hearing that, first
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: of all, um, I just think really speaks to your
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: character and how much you really believed in this process
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: and how much trust you put in to the people that.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: Were making it.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: Because for those that don't know, but Trista was working
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: in pediatrics and you had this incredible job. You went
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: for your master's, like you put so much time into
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: your career and money. And you get this one phone
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: call and your immediate answer was yes. And your job
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: wasn't willing to like be supportive at the time.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: They had already been one time.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: One time they had been, but they weren't willing to
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: do it again. And you said, I'm taking this opportunity.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Goodbye.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: And I think that that is, that's gotta be so scary.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: First of all, I've, I've quit a toxic work.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Environment without anything lined up and just been like, I'll
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: figure it out, you know? But I've never had an
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: opportunity present itself where I've said, I'm going to totally
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: scrap my paycheck that's coming weekly that I know that
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: is there that, you know, and so kind of, did
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: you ever second guess that decision later on or were
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: you just always full blown?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: This is the right thing. I know that this is
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: right for me.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I don't think I ever did second guess it, which
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: is interesting because I am such a planner and need
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: like to know what's going on. I mean, I guess
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: there's part of me that is kind of go with
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: the flow, but you're right. I was so trusting in
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: the process and because I had achieved what I wanted
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: to achieve academically, career wise, um, Um, you know, I
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: got my master's from a great university. It was like
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: second in the nation at the time for physical therapy,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: got an incredible job, like probably my dream job in Miami,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: working at Miami children's hospital with kids. I had a
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: huge variety. I saw inpatients and outpatients. I loved my
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: patients and the families that I met. I mean, they
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: became kind of like families to me and like my kids,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: you know, that I would see two or three times
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: a week. Um, And, you know, then I saw this
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: thing on Extra saying, talking about The Bachelor. And I
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, that would be fun. Why not? I'll apply.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: It happened. I asked them for a leave of absence.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: They gave it to me, went and did the show,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: came back to my job. And they were like, you know,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: supportive after I came back. And then Fleiss calls me
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: and he's like, hey, would you want to be our
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: first Bachelorette? And like, without thinking, sign me up. Like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I know you guys know who I am after spending
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: all of this like quality time knowing who I was
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: and who all of the people are. are right yeah
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: they really have to get to know who you are
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: so they knew me and and I was like oh
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: gosh like my job so I went to my boss
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: and I said hey would you be open to another
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: leave of absence and she's like I just can't do
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: it you know she would have loved to give me
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: that leave of absence, but she just couldn't do it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: And I totally understood. I'm like, that would have been
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: a lot to ask, but I need to say, I
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: always wanted to live in California.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: So my mom- And I wondered if you'd gotten bit
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: by the bug a little bit in that first experience,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: because it sounds like you then dabbled in some stuff after.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: But let me say that when I went to college,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: my mom gave me, I lived in St.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Louis.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: She gave me a four hour radius of where I
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: could go. Okay.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: That did not include California from St. Louis. And I
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: wanted to go to California so bad. I just love
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: the beach. I always wanted to live in sunny California.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: And this was like my opportunity to go to California.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: When I did The Bachelor, everyone, it's very similar to podcast.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, the television world, it's very similar
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: in the energy is just so like exciting and fun.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: And people were mostly happy around me unless there was
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: some kind of drama going on. But it was just
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: a really happy, fun, uplifting environment. And when I got
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: off The Bachelor, people were like, from different types of people,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: whether they were executives or industry people, were like, you're
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: really good on camera. Would you like to do anything
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: like this? And I'm like, I don't know. I mean,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it's not like I studied it. Yeah.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: But you were a performer, a professional performer.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: True. I was Miami Heat dancer. So yes, I had that.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of things that happen synergy-wise. And even
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: during your career in pediatrics, part of your job when
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: you're working with people that have children is also about
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: your bedside manner, a big deal, and connecting and things
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: like that. And so- the fact that your personality was
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: able to transpire through the camera and connect with an
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: audience at home and that this was all coming together,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: it sounds as crazy as it is to quit your job.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It does sound like the right move after all.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just going to take a risk. Exactly.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Like if it doesn't work out, I can still go
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: back to physical therapy.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: It's not like they would take it away from you.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I still was licensed. So until I met Ryan, then I,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: then I, stopped paying for my license. But I could
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: totally go back to it. Maybe I couldn't go back
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: to it at Miami Children's Hospital, but I had four
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: years of experience at that point and was licensed to
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: be a physical therapist and had the pediatric experience. So
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I could have gone somewhere else and done something else.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: But I was like, it's time to take a risk.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I believe in them. I trust them. They know me.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: And I believe that they can find a guy easier
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: than I can.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: And they did.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Something else in your book, you open up about your
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: decision to get cosmetic surgery. And when I was listening
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: to it, you talk about not necessarily guilt, but some
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: insecurity after you decide to make that decision.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: And again, we're talking about a book that was done
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: in 2013, which means that you did your procedures before that. Yeah.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: And I kind of just want to know now in 2026,
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: how you feel in terms of cosmetic surgery. Do you
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: still have some of those lingering feelings of insecurity?
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: How do you feel about it?
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: You know, honestly, when I was younger, I thought there's
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: no way I'm ever getting plastic surgery. I was one
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: of those people that was like, I don't know. I
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: just had this like negative thought about it. I was like,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: why would you ever want to change what you've been given?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: And then I did a cover shoot for, I think
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: it was In Touch, like one of the tabloids.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: You talk about this.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: In your book.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: With Allie Fedotowsky-Armano and Ashley Hebert. Yeah. And we do
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: this shoot, right? And we're doing the interview with the
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: journalist who's assigned to this article. And she says, I
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: was just turning 40. And she was like, so you're
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: turning 40. Have you considered plastic surgery? And I was like, yikes. Like,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I guess I'm 40. I'm getting old.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Should I? And then I started thinking about it. And
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I was like.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: First of all, also such a... I know. Horrific question
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: to ask.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Horrible.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I was like, and... So I do this whole interview
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and they come out with the magazine and on the cover,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I put the cover in it.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: You talk extensively about this article.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: So on the cover, Ashley's like, you know, I'm going
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: to get fit or something like that. Or Ali was like,
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get fit. And theirs were both like
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: totally like even keel, you know, sweet kind of. And
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: mine said something about boob jobs and Botox. And I
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: was like, ha, like. That's not what I said in
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: the interview. The interview was like, I'm open to it now. Yeah.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Which is why I said earlier in my life, I
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: thought I would never do it. Yeah. But once I
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: turned 40, I was like, you know what? There's amazing
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: technology out there. Doctors know what they're doing. And if
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: it makes me feel better about myself, because at this point,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I had nursed two children for a year each. Mm-hmm.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: It sucks the life, like literally they suck the life
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: out of your boobs. Yeah. And I was, I didn't
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: feel confident. I wanted to feel confident. I wanted to
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: feel sexy for my husband. I wanted to feel good
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: about being in front of the mirror. And I know, listen,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: plastic surgery is not for everybody, but if it's something
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: that you want to do, it's your body. And that's
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: where I got when I turned 40 after that article.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I was like, screw it. I can do whatever. It's
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: my body. I could put boobs all over my body
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: if I wanted to. No doctor's going to do that.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: But you know what I mean? Do whatever you want
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: to do within reason. If it's not dangerous, then do
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: whatever you want with your own body. body. And that
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: was my mindset. So I was like, you know, great.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: And I still feel that way. So I do get,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: but I'm literally going to get Botox, I think next week, you.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: Know, I'm going to say I like to hear this
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: perspective because I'm going to say when I was listening
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: to your book, you still sounded a little iffy about
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: your decision.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: And I get that because I feel like at that time,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: my kids were so little. And if they were ever
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: going to listen to my book or read it, I
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: don't want them to think I'm like, go get plastic
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: surgery because you need to be perfect. No, it's not
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: about perfection. It's about perfection. feeling good about who you are.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: And if a doctor who has studied this, like spent
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: years and years and years studying it can help you
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: get that confidence back after you have given years to
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: your children, like, and your actual body to your children,
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: then go for it. Like, or if you don't even
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: have kids, who cares? Like, I just, I feel like
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: the message there and still is for me is do
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: what makes you happy. It's your body. Yeah. And within reason,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: don't hurt yourself. Don't hurt other people. But if it
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: makes you happy, then who cares what everybody else thinks?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I've had cosmetic surgery.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: And my thing is that when people get cosmetic surgery
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: done and then they don't talk about it, that to
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: me is actually more harmful than openly talking about it
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: because that creates a false narrative. That perfection... Just happens.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: And you either just get it or you don't. And
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: the more we talk openly about our choices and what
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: our experiences were with cosmetic surgery, whether they were good
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: or bad, that is what helps to remove the stigma
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: around it.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: And it also just.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: I think this next generation is getting a little bit
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: more savvy with being able to detect Botox and fillers
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: and things like that. But they don't always notice maybe
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: a young celeb who's been getting plastic surgery done since
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: they were 16 and tweaking here or there for the
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: last 10, 15 years. Mm-hmm. that they didn't just come
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: out perfect like that, but that celebrity maybe doesn't talk
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: about it openly. And so I applaud you for openly
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: sharing your decision in your book.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: And I think that.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: It's important not only for men and women to hear that,
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: but to, like you said, know that It's your body
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: and just make your own choices within reason.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And if you have your frontal lobe fully developed.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: And also ask questions.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Like, I know you didn't go into your whole process
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: of like how you found your doctor, but it's also
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: a process of finding somebody that, you know, understands your
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: vision and, you know, expenses and all that kind of stuff.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: So I think it's, you know.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: It's a big decision. Do not make it lightly.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: It's a big decision, but also... For people that.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: It can provide, like you said, a sense of feeling
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: more secure in the body or more confident, then I
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: think you should do it. A really interesting thing. in
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: your book was that you talked about.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: Your half-sister.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: I knew you were going to say that.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Your half-sister, Kathy, that your mom put up for adoption
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: before you were born and your mom reconnected.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: With later in life. And that.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: Story, first of all, I've never heard you talk about
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: it to me or in my presence. So it was
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: very surprising when I got to that part of the book.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: But I wanted to know where your relationship with Kathy
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: stands today.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You know, she lives in Indiana. I'm in Colorado. I
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: can't even... spend time with my husband these days and
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: he lives in my home.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, so we don't, we don't talk that often,
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: but she's family. Yeah. Um, you know, and that story
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: for people who are listening is, uh, unfortunately my mom
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: was date raped in college and she was raised in
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: a very strict Catholic family. And she went to, she
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: was living in West Lafayette, Indiana at the time and
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: told her parents, she had just graduated college. She told
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: her parents that she was going to work in Chicago
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and she stayed with a Catholic, with some nuns or,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: A place where women would go for these situations.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Right. So she gave birth in Chicago and it was.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: A sealed place.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Adoption because it was through Catholic Charities. And I actually
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: tried helping her find Kathy. She tried for years. When
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: she knew that Kathy was turning 40, she decided to
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: give up. And I feel like it was within that
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: year or the next year that she got a phone call.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Kathy's adopted father had been diagnosed with brain cancer, and
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: so she wanted to know medically more about her own
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: personal medical history. And so she reached out to Catholic
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Charities for that history, and they actually sent her my mom's,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: all of my mom's information.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And so she called your mom?
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: She did. She sat on it for a little bit
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: and said, I don't know what to do because it's
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: a sealed adoption. I don't know if she wants to
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: know who I am. Yeah. And she called my mom,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: and my mom... was ecstatic to hear from her because
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I feel like going through that, she obviously had a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: lot of guilt about giving up a baby for adoption.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: But she was, it was, you know, a traumatic situation.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: And I feel like also for Kathy, finding that out
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: has got to be so hard.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I haven't talked to her in depth about it
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: because I, you know, I feel like if she needs
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: to talk about it, then I'm here for her, but
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: it's hard.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: I'm curious to know what your mom's approach was with
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: you when you were growing up, when it came to
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: sex and relationships.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I remember specifically being in, I feel like it was
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: in her closet or something. I just remember being in
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: her closet with her.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Isn't that weird that we can remember the time?
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, I totally remember that.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: I remember the moment my mom had the birds and
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: the bees talk with me. Yeah, she chose my seventh birthday.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: No, she didn't.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: And she sat me down and I didn't ask.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're like, I don't want to know what I
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: was talking about.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: I was very confused as to what was happening and
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't ask. And then I remember just being like,
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Are we going to the amusement park now?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: And like getting up and leaving.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: And my mom just like going, because I have a
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: sister that's seven years older than me who is like
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: a teenager, obviously. And my mom being like, well, I
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: just told her. And I just remember being like mortified, right?
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: So you remember it was in a closet.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: And it was more traumatic because I think at that
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: point in time, she knew that I was possibly sexually active. Okay.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Because I had a boyfriend. And so you were a teenager. Yeah.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I was a teenager and she was like, this is
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: what happened to me. So I need you to be careful.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Cause you never know. Like she was actually dating. She
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: was dating the guy. Yeah. That raped her. So that
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: put a lot of.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Did that put fear in you?
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: In me. Yeah. About. I'm not going to lie.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Having a teen pregnancy is still a fear for me,
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: and I am not a teenager.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not kidding.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Where I think to myself, I am a very grown adult,
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: and I do think to myself, if I got pregnant tomorrow,
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: it would freak me out.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: And I have a house.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I have things in place that I could do it,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: but it would freak me out. And so.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: So like, was that scary for you as a teenager
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: once you heard that story?
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Were you like, please don't touch me?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Very scary. Yeah.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: How did it shape how you approached that conversation with
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: your kids?
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I did not share that with them like right away.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: When I.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: When it was kind of time, when I knew that
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: they were in middle school and their friends were going,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: because hello, I, as opposed to when I was growing up,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: we have the internet. Yeah. So I don't know if
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I shared this story in the, in the book. I
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: don't think I did. It might've happened afterwards. I think
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: it happened afterwards. We had a family iPod, iPad. I
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: say iPod, but that's aging myself. Anyway, so we had
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: a family iPad, and one of the kids had used it.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: And I was like, can I get the iPod? Oh,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: my God, I keep saying iPod. So I get it
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: on Google, and I pull it up. The picture on
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: the screen.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Ah, yes. It was adults.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: And a lot of men.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Ah, okay.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: Together.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Okay. And I've thought.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: This is not in the book.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Okay. So I thought, okay, who was using this device
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: before me? It wasn't Ryan. And then I got, I
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: was so horrified because I was like, which of my
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: children has seen this image? It's burnt into my skull
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: and they were young. Oh, so I went to, I
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: shouldn't even say who it was. No. Anyway, it started
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: as the most innocent search you could ever search for.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: So think of the most innocent thing, baby Jesus. Uh-huh. Okay.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: They were searching baby Jesus. And then it was baby boy.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: And then it was boys. And then it- Snowballed. Got it.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Big time. Yeah. And at that point in time, we
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: didn't have the like, security settings.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: The blockings and stuff.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Because I didn't know that we needed it at that time.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: They were still pretty young. So if anyone is listening
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: out there who's a parent, go put all of the
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: security settings on your Google. Don't let them, like, whatever.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Because it's just traumatizing. So at that point, I was like, okay,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I think we need to talk about healthy sexual relationships
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: between people who love each other. And making babies and
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: all of that. And I talked to friends because my
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: friends are an amazing source of information for me and advice.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: And a friend of mine had grown children who were
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: in college or out of college. And she was like,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I still have the books that I gave to my
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: boys if you want them. And so I was like, yes, please.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: So I gave both of the kids the books and
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, I just want you to read the
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: books and then we're going to just talk about it.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And there was no, there's no shame. There was no trauma.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: There was no nothing. I just wanted them to know
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: that sex can be a beautiful thing between two people
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: who love each other and that this is where you
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: come from. Yeah.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: Something I connected a lot with, obviously, in your book
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: is about loss. You talk openly about the loss of
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: your cousin as well as the sudden loss of your
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: fellow Miami Heat dancer.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I haven't thought about her in a long time.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: You're going to make me cry. And I cannot cry
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: because I got a podcast for a whole day.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: But, you know, the book is wrapped up in gratitude.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: And something that I've struggled with going through my own
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: loss has been finding the gratitude in those moments of darkness.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: And I kind of just want to know from you that,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: How you do it, how you still find the glimmers
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: of hope in those really, really dark moments.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I think honestly, you need to let yourself be human
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: and you need to let yourself feel first of all.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: So you cannot get to the other side without going
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: through it. I learned a lot, even though gratitude was
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: such a powerful concept to me in my life at
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: the time. Writing the book, I learned so much more, right?
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Just research and the quotes and like articles that people
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: had put out about it, whatever. And I just feel
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: like that was one thing that stuck with me is
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: that when you do suffer something, loss, trauma, whatever, you
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: cannot push it to the side. You can't repress it.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: because it will come out somehow. And if you like
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: to control your emotions and all of that, it's just
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: highly recommended to feel. Feel what you're feeling. You're human.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Everyone experiences loss at some point in their life, whatever,
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: whether it's teeny tiny or massive, you know? And I
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: feel like at that time, It was so.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: The both of those were really hard because my cousin
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: was 21. Yeah. And I had never lost anyone. My
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: grandparents were all still living and all of that. And
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: then Ashley, my fellow Miami Heat dancer, was one of
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: my very close friends. And it was shocking. And she
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: was pregnant at the time. And we were so excited
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: about her getting ready to give birth. And... I was
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: really close with her husband too when he was driving
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: and like just all, it's just, he has since passed too.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: But it is just awful to experience loss. But I
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: will say now, like you bringing up Ashley, all I
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: think about is her smile and what she, the imprint,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: the very, very positive imprint that she left in the world.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: So I feel like give yourself grace to experience the
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: loss and go through what you have to go through.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Talk to people. Talk to the people that you trust.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Find a therapist, like somebody who you can talk to.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: And if you can't, then you write it down or
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: your voice memo or you whatever. Save it somewhere, but
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: just get it out. There was one other thing that
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: came up in the book. There was some research that
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: was if you're going through something hard, and maybe loss
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: is too hard, right? Losing a person. But if you're
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: going through something hard, you write it down on a
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: piece of paper, you throw it, you smoosh it up,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: and you throw it in the trash can. Literally throw
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: your trauma, your struggle, whatever, in the trash. And there's
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: something about that physical action that actually makes you Deal
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: with it.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I'm a big fan of rage journaling.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, do that.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: I'll just, and I don't ever reread.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: No, exactly.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: I write it.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Just get it out.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Write it and don't reread it. I'm also a big
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: fan of getting in the car.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: And yelling.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: And screaming.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: Yes. I was just going to say that or taking
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: a pillow and just screaming in a pillow.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: Because you can't scream when you live in an apartment.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: People will get the wrong impression. But if you're driving
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: in your car with all the windows up and you
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: put on some of your favorite music and just scream.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Just scream and cry.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: I've done that.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: A lot. Yeah. And that's okay.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: And it's a good release.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: I think for me, after the loss of my mom,
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: it wasn't, I didn't go through a period where I,
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: you know, they talk about the different stages of grief
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: and I didn't go through a period of anger because
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: my mom was sick and I was expected.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like you had dealt with it over
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: the time of that?
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: She was, I felt like I had a lot of,
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: my biggest thing that I had to come to grips
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: with was that I wasn't going to be by her
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: side when she passed. And I needed to not feel
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: guilty about that. And I needed to release that. And
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: I felt that I worked on myself enough to be
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: okay with that when that happened. And, I didn't feel
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: like my mom and I had unfinished business. If anything,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: I really didn't want her being in pain anymore. So,
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: you know, there's always that sense of relief too when
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: you watch somebody slowly deplete because it feels selfish to
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: want to keep somebody in that level of pain. But
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: through the loss of my relationship that I was in,
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: it's been difficult for me to find gratitude again. Because
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: I don't understand. And I'm never going to understand it.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: But I'm finding it really hard to find things in
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: my life right now that keep me going. And it
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: was nice to read this book because, you know, you
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: talked about small actions of gratitude and things that I
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: used to do working in entertainment. You're on a job,
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: then you're off a job. You're on a job and off.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: And so there's a lot of periods of downtime depending
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: on what's going on. And so whenever I would be
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: off a gig and I would need to stick with
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: a routine, I would get up in the morning and
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: I would try to write down three things I'm grateful for.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: And I would try to challenge myself to write different
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: things every day. Someday it would be, I love that
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: I'm getting to eat a bagel today. Sometimes it would
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: be me saying, I'm really glad that I got to
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: sit outside today underneath a tree. So there's, there's things
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: like that, that I have practiced before. Um, But I'm
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: definitely in a place right now where gratitude and finding
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: happiness is not easy for me.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: And that's okay. Like, I feel like as your friend,
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I feel like you should give yourself that grace. It
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be an overnight thing. I know it's
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: been a little bit. It doesn't have to be even
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: a little bit. It can be longer.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: How do you practice it today?
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I feel like, honestly, just trying to think, like, and
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: actively talking to people about the good stuff. So... I
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: feel like you can get there. I used to do
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: my favorite part of the day every day. It was
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: on Twitter. And then I think I changed it to
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Facebook or Instagram or whatever. When that change happened, I
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: don't do that anymore. And I've thought about bringing it back.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Ryan is really good at journaling. I'm not, I just
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm in such a busy state of life
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: and trying to keep up with all of the things
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: that I do and all the relationships and connections and
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: work and what kids and all the things. It's hard
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: for me, but I feel like looking back at that
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: point in my life or that time, it was so
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: important for me to do that work, to do the
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: favorite part of the day because it does make you
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: think about the light, think about the good stuff. Like
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: sitting under a tree, the stars in the sky at night,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: taking a freaking breath. Yeah. Yeah. It does not have
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: to be drastic or dramatic. It doesn't have to be
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: this big, like profound, like thing that happened to you.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: It can be taking a breath. So just step by step,
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: one of my best friends just lost her parents, like
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: kind of back to back a couple of years ago.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: She's still struggling. And I just, I've, we constantly have
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: conversations and it's just, one foot after the other. You
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: just have to keep going. And whatever brings you that
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: kind of joy, also giving back. Since you have all
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: this downtime, maybe it's finding a charity. That was huge.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: After my mom passed, I got to a point where
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: I said to myself, I can't cry anymore. I'd been
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: crying for a year and a half. And I was like,
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: I don't have it in me anymore anymore.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: I became a.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Volunteer with the Down Syndrome Association of Los Angeles. And
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: I was with them for three years. Then I moved
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: over and I became a Make-A-Wish wish granter.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: And I worked with them for five years.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: And so, you know, since this loss in my life,
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: instead of gratitude and giving back, I've more been.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: Picking up the hobbies and stuff, which I've told you about.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: So I've been doing that.
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: But I do agree that giving back really did put
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: a lot of perspective on my life and my grief.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: And purpose. Like you have a purpose.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: It didn't give me purpose, but I... No, I will
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: say that it gave me perspective.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, that's really important.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: I was really wanting to not feel sorry for myself.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: And I wanted to be around people that were.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: Dealt a different hand than mine and watch how they
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: prevailed through it on a daily basis because that was
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: their life that they chose. And mine was a moment
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: in my life that I experienced, but this is a
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: life that they chose to continue on with.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: And it was extremely....
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: Healing in a way for me to have something to
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: give back, to help organize, to help and a place
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: to be on certain days and times.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: That I had to be there.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: I will also say.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Let me just say. this real quick. I know we
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: got to wrap soon, but choosing the people who surround you,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: you know, choosing those people who.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: I think the universe picks those people out too in
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: those moments of loss.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: And that's difficult at the time.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: But there's a reason it happens.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Right. I just feel like. As I get older, especially,
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I'm more conscious of the choices I make and the
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: people I want to share my energy with and my
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: time with and my efforts with. So I feel like
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: that's also something that is super important when you're going
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: through a really hard struggle is choosing the people who
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: you feel are sincere in what they're sharing with you.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yeah. And that they are
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: lifting you up and making you feel better, do better,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: all of those things instead of maybe toxicity. We've talked
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: a lot about toxicity. And just making very conscientious choices
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: about what you do with your life and who you
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: do it with.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: Do you have another book in you?
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe, now that we're talking. Yeah. I swear,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: when it happened, because it took me so long to do,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: and because I really wanted to focus on being a
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: mom and a wife and, you know, the best that
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I could be at those two things, especially being a
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: friend and a daughter and all of those things. But
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: maybe after the kids are gone, then maybe— and actually— my
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: biggest thing is trying to encourage Ryan to write a book.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: And he started, he is so profound and so articulate,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: especially when he writes. And I know people are like,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know he wrote you poems all the time.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I was going to say, I already know about the poems.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: No, but for like, he is such an incredible writer
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: and he does it so freaking fast. It kind of
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: makes me jealous because it took me so long. Um,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: But I'm trying to kind of encourage him. And we've talked,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: like I've said, maybe we should write a book together.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: So I don't know. Maybe after our 25th wedding anniversary,
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: we can chat about it. I don't know if people
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: would even be interested, but I feel like there's something
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: maybe there. I don't know. Never say never.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: Well, I wanted to say thanks for writing this book.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you so much.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having this conversation with me. Thank you.