Latest / The Table with Anthony ONeal / Should Couples Combine Finances? How to Build Wealth Without Dividing Your Marriage | Durelle & Samantha Bailey

Transcript

Should Couples Combine Finances? How to Build Wealth Without Dividing Your Marriage | Durelle & Samantha Bailey · The Table with Anthony ONeal

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Darrell, you said, love isn't enough.
0:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
0:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
0:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Close.
0:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Samantha, when you heard that, how did you do?
0:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
0:09
[UNKNOWN]: I like it.
0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I like it.
0:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I like it.
0:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I like it.
0:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Your husband say, love isn't enough.
0:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
0:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I think after being married for nine years, I think we've learned over time, then.
0:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
0:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
0:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So I got to ask this question.
0:28
[SPEAKER_01]: What is enough then?
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: If love isn't enough and building wealth and being a productive and effective couple, what is enough then?
0:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
0:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you have to understand that in order to sustain and steward a marriage in the right way, over time you learn that it's not about feelings, it's not about emotions.
0:54
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not even just about being present.
0:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It goes far beyond that.
0:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It goes to intentionality in your finances, in your planning,
1:04
[SPEAKER_02]: and communicating, right?
1:07
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of self-work involved.
1:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll talk about this all the time.
1:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So Matthew and I come from two very different backgrounds.
1:12
[SPEAKER_02]: She comes from a stable home.
1:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I come from a very unstable home in every sense of the word.
1:18
[SPEAKER_02]: And so there was a lot of learning that I had to do that required me to go beyond love.
1:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to learn how to communicate effectively.
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to learn how to tend to hurt emotions the right way.
1:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to learn how to lead my household.
1:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And that meant understanding how to manage finances.
1:35
[SPEAKER_02]: That meant understanding how to steward our gifts and and port into her and lead the house on the right way.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And so love alone is not enough, bro.
1:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to go far beyond that in order to reach success in marriage.
1:54
[SPEAKER_01]: When I heard that, I was like, oh, he don't get in trouble.
1:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So some meeting, I'm like, what, what, love, love.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's like, I totally do understand that when it comes to specifically, I will say wealth building.
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: When it comes to, you all are very known for helping couples get on the same plan and strategizing together.
2:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Does love entering to that conversation?
2:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, y'all gotta have hard conversations.
2:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah.
2:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I'm curious, Samantha, do you feel less loved when the row has to be like, hey, now we can't do this, what we gotta do this?
2:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do you feel as a woman with your emotions?
2:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Not so many y'all are emotional, but a part of you all are more in tune emotionally.
2:34
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you set aside that for the ultimate vision of adult building and just, how gotta daughter come in?
2:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
2:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, congrats by the way.
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
2:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's a fucking dope.
2:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, this, my sister got a whole human being in her belly.
2:51
[SPEAKER_02]: She's baking it up right now.
2:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Sox, even me, I'm like, I am really doing this.
2:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy, bro.
2:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
2:58
[SPEAKER_02]: God is good, man.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: A whole baby.
3:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll go Anthony's head was up.
3:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But, like, how, what would you say to a woman who hears this?
3:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's, okay, wait.
3:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially to that single woman, or what about to that married woman who struggles with this little bit, because you all have accomplished a lot.
3:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You no longer work, right?
3:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You always able to come up with a strategy to where you was able to walk away from your job.
3:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And you all have built a business together, building another business together, just started another business that we won't say today, but these people got like a whole another situation they're about to announce.
3:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do you separate love the romantic side of relationship to the business side of the relationship as a woman?
3:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that when we're doing our planning, when we're talking business, that's really where the respect piece comes in.
3:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's where a lot of people get caught up.
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's funny, I was thinking this yesterday, just when Dora was talking, I was like, I just respect him so much that if I have an idea and he doesn't think it's a good idea, we talk about it and I hear him out, but I trust him respect him enough that if he doesn't think it's a good idea,
4:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go with what he says.
4:16
[SPEAKER_00]: There might be some back and forth.
4:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I really try to convince him, but at the end of the day, I trust that he's going to listen to me.
4:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And he wants me to be happy.
4:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So at the end of the day, if it's not something we're aligned on, and that we can both get on the same page about than I respect that.
4:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that respect is always present.
4:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Even sometimes when you go through seasons,
4:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, the love looks away, some relationships.
4:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
4:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah.
4:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Did it, it's like, oh yeah.
4:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Y'all man, what would you say to other men the row who are watching this show and they want to build wealth with their spouse?
5:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I think sometimes men, we could just be like, no, we could just be straight to the point.
5:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Nine years of marriage.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: What is something that you've learned that has helped you get some math on board, moving forward?
5:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the first thing is you have to, this is non-negotiable, you have to have a vision.
5:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the first thing, worse than foremost, because I think a lot of us get it twisted is that we know that we are called to be leaders in the household, and we know that we are expected to be the quote-unquote head, but that comes with a responsibility.
5:43
[SPEAKER_02]: That responsibility has to be backed by a vision.
5:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, when it comes to Samantha and I, I've learned that the vision can't just be, hey, I just want to be rich, so that we can just go and do what we want to do.
5:55
[SPEAKER_02]: The vision has to encompass what is our legacy.
5:58
[SPEAKER_02]: What do we value the most?
6:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to know what she values the most.
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: When I got with Samantha one of the things that she told me is, hey, I grew up traveling the world, I grew up,
6:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Learning about different cultures and being immersed into different cities because my father was in the military I understand that that's a part of her values.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, leading my family that is the part that needs to be a part of my vision for us Right, and so understanding that.
6:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay cool.
6:22
[SPEAKER_02]: She wants to travel.
6:23
[SPEAKER_02]: She wants to enjoy life.
6:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I also want to do those things now.
6:27
[SPEAKER_02]: If that is a part of vision
6:28
[SPEAKER_02]: what does it take to reach that vision?
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Now we can start getting technical.
6:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Now we can start looking at, because a lot of people say, well, I want to be rich.
6:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to have a lot of money.
6:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And that most times comes from why I didn't have a lot of money growing up.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I just want to make sure I have a lot of money.
6:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
6:44
[SPEAKER_02]: If you don't have a vision, you won't know how to steward the money that you want to make, right?
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And when you have a vision and then a plan,
6:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And now you have the money coming in, now you can steward it appropriately.
6:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think for the husband who was looking to lead his family, it starts with a vision that vision is not just what you want.
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: That vision is inclusive of your wife's vision for her life as well.
7:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you mesh those together and you grow from there.
7:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And so but it has to start with a vision.
7:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's a single man, what I heard you tell me is when I'm blessed to find my wife.
7:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Ask her what her vision is.
7:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
7:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Ask her her upbringing because Samantha traveled.
7:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
7:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Since the time I've known y'all has been about a year, y'all have been out of country at least four or five times.
7:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, dude.
7:35
[SPEAKER_02]: If it wasn't for my wife,
7:39
[SPEAKER_02]: We won't be in the DMV, 344 days out of a year.
7:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I was back out of his boat and traveled just as much as I could.
7:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, hey, look, this is Japan.
7:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Dude, that's right.
7:52
[SPEAKER_02]: That's right, man.
7:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's all the other places.
7:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, dude.
7:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
7:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I've been all over.
7:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, dude.
7:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, this is my wife gonna make sure this year alone.
8:01
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't been on a plane at least two, three times a month.
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I think in juggling on a plane next week, we exactly and we just got off one other day
8:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, my wife wants to get out and move and I love it though.
8:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I love it because it is what makes us happy.
8:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
8:21
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
8:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And there is a way to achieve what makes you happy.
8:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:26
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying by planning it out by being intentional.
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, you know, she understands that my vision is making sure that our family is squared away if I need to lead for life.
8:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And beyond that, whenever I'm going, I want to make sure that I'm planning seeds.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's a tree that provides shades to my grandchildren and their children and their children.
8:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And she knows that.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we meet, you know, a lot of people think that, you know, you need to have the same expectations and visions to be successful as a couple.
8:52
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not true.
8:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not true.
8:54
[SPEAKER_02]: She didn't come into this like, oh, I want to save.
8:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to invest.
8:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to be, you know, she wasn't thinking that.
8:59
[SPEAKER_02]: She was thinking like, I want to, I always say this.
9:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She came in like Jesus.
9:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Jesus came, that we may have life in life.
9:07
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so fun to live.
9:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Samantha's like, I want life and life more abundantly.
9:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay?
9:14
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
9:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So you know, but we got on the same page as far as what we both wanted.
9:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Now it's my responsibility as a leader to then strategize.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, how do we get here?
9:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:27
[SPEAKER_02]: How do we leverage our strengths to get here?
9:30
[SPEAKER_02]: right and I think those conversations has led us to at 31 years old next week I'll be 32 and 2 weeks she'll be 32 as well to her being retired.
9:42
[SPEAKER_02]: To me being able to walk away from the military and be entrepreneur full time, to us both having
9:47
[SPEAKER_02]: six figures saved and invested, you know, as never having to worry about, you know, I'm looking at building, you know, this, I'm looking at building a home studio.
9:56
[SPEAKER_02]: We have money put aside for that.
9:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I can go ahead and grab that, you know, but also, like you said, we just came back from Japan.
10:02
[SPEAKER_02]: We have money put aside for that.
10:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It's because it's an alignment with the vision.
10:06
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.
10:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's a lot more that goes into that.
10:09
[SPEAKER_02]: There's work.
10:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
10:10
[SPEAKER_02]: They're sacrifice.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: They're because I know social media gives
10:14
[SPEAKER_02]: this perspective that, okay, as long as I have vision and I strategize and I work hard and I'm in alignment with my spouse, then I'm good.
10:23
[SPEAKER_02]: But the truth is, everybody's timeline is different.
10:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That's why I tell folks, your lane is good enough.
10:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But you have to store your lane the right way in order to get what guy has for you, didn't you?
10:32
[SPEAKER_01]: This and family, AI is not the future, it is honestly right now.
10:35
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10:42
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10:50
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10:53
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11:02
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11:09
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11:11
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11:14
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11:17
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11:19
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11:21
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11:23
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11:24
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11:29
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11:40
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11:43
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11:48
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11:52
[SPEAKER_01]: This is good.
11:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I see why she respects you though.
11:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Uncrediting from Rome's mountain, she respects you because you gave her what she still desired.
12:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it was like, well, why would I disrespect the man or not listen to the man who's I told him what I desire.
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: He may not be giving me everything, but then important things are there.
12:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I can I can then submit to the vision of our family.
12:21
[SPEAKER_01]: To where I may get a note here today, but then I'm going to get a yes on the things that really matter.
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
12:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's why y'all are extremely successful, man, and I wanted to bring y'all back on.
12:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to bring y'all on like at least quarterly because I think with me being a single man, I can't speak to the relationships out of things.
12:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to see more black couples, young black couples winning in their marriage, but then also winning in their marriage financially.
12:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, man, that's another human being.
13:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So another mountain needs to be fed.
13:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Another, another biter needs to be closed.
13:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
13:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And you said something that is brilliant, man.
13:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You said, I want to build trees that provide shade.
13:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You didn't say I want to build trees that provide branches.
13:16
[SPEAKER_01]: shade is covering.
13:17
[SPEAKER_01]: That's covering bro.
13:19
[SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of like, that's covered.
13:21
[SPEAKER_01]: The passion is that, oh, I can be so.
13:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, come on, come on, let me come on.
13:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how, how many 32 year olds are thinking about providing covering long term for their people?
13:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Talking about covering men, and you said some of my social media and and some of them would you talk about?
13:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause I brought an ask from questions with this.
13:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Social media is teaching.
13:44
[SPEAKER_01]: and y'all situation is different because y'all got married in your 20s, right?
13:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But let's say Samantha, you're super educated, right?
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a master's degree, right?
13:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, crazy.
13:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And you got your master's, crazy.
13:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's say y'all met today, okay?
14:02
[SPEAKER_01]: 32 successful, you live in DC, you make in six figures.
14:06
[SPEAKER_01]: You 32, you're successful, you make in six figures.
14:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Social media is teaching our ladies.
14:12
[SPEAKER_01]: to protect themselves before they even go into the marriage, right?
14:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Have your own, save your own that he doesn't get access to.
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
14:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You all cleared that opposite.
14:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you were getting married to Dave, you met the rail today, right?
14:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You got your own bad, you're successful.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: The guys aligned up, but you chose him.
14:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you believe in that same method that social media is teaching to protect yourself?
14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Have your own money that derailed can't even touch?
14:44
[SPEAKER_00]: I think if I met Deralk today, I would have the same mindset, but it would take more time.
14:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that we were so young that everything we built was together.
14:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's easy for me to give my friends a vice and say, you know, merger bank account, do this, do that, you know, trust him with the vision.
15:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you have the time to build your own vision, then you want to protect that and you want to make sure you're getting into a relationship, potentially a marriage with somebody who's going to be able to build that with you.
15:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But for me, I think in order to have a successful relationship
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I understand that for women who have already built something of their own, it might take more time, because you have to build more trust, but I think the goal would still be to get to that point with him.
15:30
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you think is the biggest fear when you talk to your friends?
15:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You even have a sister that just recently, a recent mood here who's super successful, right?
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Doctor, she's a whole doctor, right?
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So she, she's making this one set of six biggest she-up now.
15:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it, you've got to feel it
16:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, what does that conversation look like?
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And with you being the one that's married, right, to a successful man, how are you encouraging them to day in 2026?
16:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what are they saying to you?
16:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, no, I can't.
16:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it that they're fearful of us?
16:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they, are they fearful of divorce?
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what is the biggest fear from that successful single woman?
16:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think marriage ability is the problem.
16:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Marriage ability?
16:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I read this book.
16:31
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called the two-parent privilege.
16:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
16:33
[SPEAKER_00]: It is an amazing book.
16:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But it talks about, especially with black men, how marriage ability has decreased.
16:40
[SPEAKER_00]: How men use to be
16:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, women weren't necessarily becoming as educated as they are now, so they were providers of the family while the woman was able to be at home in nurture, but now that women are becoming more educated, they're making more money, they have more on their own, it impacts the marriageability of men because what women once looked for in a man has completely shifted now.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: If a woman is making six figures, it's going to be hard for her to go for a man that might be, that's not making nine.
17:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But you have so many things that have contributed to that, you have, you know, trade jobs from trades or no longer in the country anymore.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's just a whole conversation, but between the girls, that's the issue is, it's just hard to find somebody who's at least at their level.
17:29
[SPEAKER_00]: or doing better than them.
17:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think my advice to them always is we put so much and this is on how much the man is making and how successful he is.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: That a lot of the other things just kind of get brushed off to the side.
17:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that a lot of times for women when you find a good man that has potential.
17:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
17:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Bill with him.
17:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you can pour into him and help him reach that level.
17:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't necessarily have to be there today.
18:01
[SPEAKER_02]: He got to be somewhere, though.
18:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I was about to say this.
18:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, my daughter, my daughter.
18:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I ain't letting my daughter do that anymore.
18:08
[SPEAKER_02]: You better be out here.
18:10
[SPEAKER_02]: This deal to me.
18:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to meet somewhere.
18:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It's best that you get 30 and 40.
18:14
[SPEAKER_00]: You might find a man that makes the amount of money that you wanted to, and it is as successful as you want him to be.
18:22
[SPEAKER_00]: But is he loyal to you?
18:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Is he somebody you can trust?
18:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Is he someone you're excited to come home to every day?
18:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Someone you actually want to wake up to every morning?
18:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
18:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think those things need a little bit more emphasis for women because a lot of times men just need somebody to kind of help pour into them to get them where they wanna be.
18:47
[SPEAKER_01]: If I was in the room and I heard that, I think I'll be like 50, 50.
18:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I think 50% of it is right.
18:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Marriage would be the thing.
18:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a recent one viral online because I said, brothers, if you're complaining about lack of money, if you're complaining about, I don't have the money to pay bills, but then you come home and you can play Xbox, you can play PlayStation for a couple hours a day.
19:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And then in the same week you complain about making money, right?
19:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Your priorities are all that you have to set that that playstation and Xbox has the matter of fact throw it away.
19:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Get on your game because if if if my niece comes back and sees comes to me and says, oh, Anthony, my boyfriend played a he played a playstation all day on day.
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't have enough money to pay the bills.
19:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have a problem with that.
19:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
19:48
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
19:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And the brothers, when I was going through all the commons, thousands of commons, do you know the only people who tapped me bro with a man?
19:57
[SPEAKER_01]: That's crazy work.
19:58
[SPEAKER_01]: The ladies are like, speak.
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: The brothers are like, no, I meant that's my way of escaping.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I meant that's my way of escaping the world.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, bro, that's the problem.
20:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to be in the world, work it.
20:09
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
20:10
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
20:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm curious.
20:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a daughter on the way, yeah.
20:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you know the state of men today?
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: There are a lot of good men out there.
20:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say, Anthony O'Neill is just getting to the point that didn't write the last, I would say, five years of, well, I say three years of being healed from issues that didn't even know was there.
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right, no.
20:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Always made the money, but I didn't have the things that you say we need to focus on because I was healing.
20:46
[SPEAKER_01]: From things I didn't even know you'd be healed from.
20:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And so now, in this season of life, I'm at okay, I see things differently.
20:52
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you tell the brothers of what they need to do to get marriage ready?
20:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So that way, her friends are not saying there's none out there.
21:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what is it that we got to do specifically as black men to get there?
21:08
[SPEAKER_02]: It's man, I love that question.
21:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, if I was single right now and I had met Samantha and I'm trying to figure this out
21:18
[SPEAKER_02]: what I would do, and I was talking to a young man that the Rex centered, like a couple weeks ago, I go to every now and then play basketball.
21:25
[SPEAKER_02]: 26-year-old young man, and I asked him, I said, what'd you got going for yourself?
21:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, well, you know, I'm just working right now, I say, okay, what is, what does 30 look like for you?
21:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's four years out.
21:35
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, I don't know yet, you know, and so I said, I said, well, have you started thinking about, you know, how are you going to make money, how you're going to be able to provide for a family one day different things like that?
21:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, he's just like, I'm not really trying to figure it out.
21:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So I said, why don't you think about joining the Air Force?
21:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Just to give him something that he can strategically do that can set him up.
21:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And his first question of me was, why are there cute girls there?
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, are there, you know, um, and that was really concerning for me, because I'm thinking of myself and my brother.
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, handsome guy, about six foot, you know, got, got potential, um, but his mindset is worried about
22:17
[SPEAKER_02]: the women that he doesn't, he's not even prepared to have.
22:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I would say the first thing that I would be doing as a whatever, whether you're 20, 30, 40, whatever, I would be trying to
22:33
[SPEAKER_02]: on how I am going to earn an income.
22:37
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the first thing I will be doing.
22:39
[SPEAKER_02]: The very first thing, I was like, because you can be the sweetest guy you be the nicest guy you can be.
22:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Have emotional intelligence.
22:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So you got, there is not a woman that I know.
22:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know a lot of them because you got a lot of friends.
22:50
[SPEAKER_02]: bad it's going to go after the nice guy just because he's nice.
22:53
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to be able to provide.
22:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's the first thing I would say.
22:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Those bad to what you said, love ain't enough.
22:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Love ain't enough.
22:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Nice to him.
23:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that was so good.
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Sweet.
23:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, listen, look, you can be handsome, but they're going to get over that real quick.
23:08
[SPEAKER_02]: They see you in that plant NBA 2K 27.
23:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's home.
23:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to come real ugly real fast, right?
23:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And so the first thing I would say is you need to be strategizing, okay, how do I sit down and figure out what effort can I put in that's going to get me a reward and is this reward scalable?
23:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You need to rack and stack some different opportunities, okay, and think to yourself.
23:32
[SPEAKER_02]: am I going to be able to make enough at this job or do I need to start thinking about how I can invest in myself so I can get a raise or I can go get another job that I can sustain the family with.
23:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's the first thing is strategically thinking about how I can earn an income.
23:44
[SPEAKER_02]: The next thing I would be doing is I would be doing what you just said.
23:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll be making sure that the self, the parts of myself that I know for a fact that I've been ignoring, that's a fat anger issues, the depression, the alcohol that whatever it is,
23:58
[SPEAKER_02]: that I've been ignoring, I need to go get that figure out.
24:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to get me around me some good men.
24:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to get around some healthy men, some married men.
24:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to look at my environment and say, okay, who do I need to be around?
24:12
[SPEAKER_02]: So I get pointing the right direction to start fixing and working on me.
24:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
24:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
24:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So get my income, get myself together, and this is the most important part.
24:21
[SPEAKER_02]: But the reason I didn't say this first is because we are notorious for talking about how we
24:26
[SPEAKER_02]: But this is the most important part.
24:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You need to get a relationship with the father.
24:32
[SPEAKER_02]: You need to get a relationship with God.
24:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't mean just go to church.
24:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't mean to, I love what you said other day.
24:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I call you the other day.
24:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Use like, bro, I just love prayer group.
24:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, see, this has got to thank you for attaching me to the type of men that go to prayer group.
24:48
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not talking about, I just left church on Sunday.
24:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I just left prayer group.
24:52
[SPEAKER_02]: When I hear that, I'm like, that's what I'm talking about.
24:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we can't, the Bible says faith without works is dead.
24:58
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just gave you the work aspect.
24:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
25:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you got to, we got to, we got to make sure it's coming from faith.
25:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And I promise you, when you're in line with God, man, he'll send you the right woman.
25:07
[SPEAKER_02]: He'll send you your Christina Million from Love Don't Call So Thing.
25:11
[SPEAKER_01]: It's in a million, me!
25:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Lord, Jesus, it's coming!
25:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, man, not, I agree with that.
25:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree with that, man.
25:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I would definitely say with that, I would probably say within a last year, 12 months, I've really, really, really been attached to myself to married men.
25:27
[SPEAKER_01]: more so of single men to learn attributes of a husband and a father, because I have the attributes of success and wealth, right?
25:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I have that, but I didn't have that the attributes and the things that require a good healthy husband and a good healthy father.
25:46
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've learned so much from you and Samantha from my boy Courtney and Ronnie, who just recently got married.
25:54
[SPEAKER_01]: from my closest friend, Stephen, and Zy, and I'm able to really dive deep into with him and then from my parents, I don't, I can't respect the, well, I'm gonna be a choir.
26:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Good to say in a relationship show.
26:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me just get through that.
26:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if people want to know about it, let me be quiet.
26:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the reason why I want you to show us, because I think single people have dominated their relationships.
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
26:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:20
[SPEAKER_01]: As almost like, broke people are allowed as people in the money space.
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Ooh.
26:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
26:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, for me, I'm like, you know, our brother taught to y'all, nine years.
26:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though y'all are younger than me, y'all have seasoned that I've never experienced.
26:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
26:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like,
26:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm going to bring them in because I think y'all are the ideal couple that a lot of people want.
26:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You know.
26:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Men want to be the leader.
26:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Men want a woman that's going to submit to them.
26:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Men want to feel like, yo, my wife rocks and trust me no matter what.
26:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got that in the Samantha.
26:58
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of ladies who are smart and educated, they really don't want to work like that.
27:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Or they want to do what they want to do.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: But they still want to do the things that they want.
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's right.
27:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Samantha got that.
27:08
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
27:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
27:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like,
27:12
[SPEAKER_01]: We need more examples of this of how do we have love and how do we have money?
27:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And you all talk about this on y'all show the Bailey podcast.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, the Bailey way.
27:22
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bailey way, right?
27:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Real quick, I want to talk about the Bailey way and I got like four more questions.
27:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
27:28
[SPEAKER_01]: What is the Bailey way and why should they be watching this show?
27:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I think to the point you made, we recognize that there's a lot of discourse online about relationships and we were getting frustrated with it.
27:42
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were like the conversation around relationships, especially black marriage and black relationships, needs a healthier voice.
27:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we talk about everything from marriage to finances, life, now parenthood, even some of the tough times that we've had because we talk a lot about two about
28:00
[SPEAKER_00]: We've just kind of started building our presence online in the last two, three years.
28:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Because before that, we were in no place to actually be online and show up authentically.
28:11
[SPEAKER_00]: We've had to put in a lot of work into our relationship to be in a place, to be able to actually speak about relationships in a healthy way.
28:19
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's what the podcast is about.
28:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think it's important to provide context, you know, because oftentimes people will see the highlight real of things and they sort of, you know, either play the comparison game as to why I'm not there yet or whatever case may be or they may say it's performative or whatever the reason is.
28:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's just important that we give insight onto what it took to get here.
28:46
[SPEAKER_02]: That's why we'll quickly talk about bringing, we'll talk about hers, we'll talk about our early days and our marriage and what that looked like, and how there was a point in time where we had phases where we had a lot of resentment built up toward each other.
28:59
[SPEAKER_02]: The thing is, we want to take what people are saying it's abnormal and show them that any person has been married for this amount of time.
29:08
[SPEAKER_02]: these things are normal.
29:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't just walk away when things get tough.
29:12
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't walk away when you disagree on how you handle your finances, right?
29:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't walk away when you fall out of your infactuation phase, right?
29:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of people think for whatever reason, if it ain't like that, then I don't want it.
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: What happens when it ain't like that normal?
29:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
29:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
29:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
29:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So we felt like it's really important that.
29:32
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not just show y'all.
29:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
29:33
[SPEAKER_02]: How we built wealth.
29:34
[SPEAKER_02]: That's cool.
29:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
29:35
[SPEAKER_02]: But how do you get what God intended for you to have?
29:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
29:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, God saw Adam and he said, it's not good for man to be alone.
29:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm grateful that God gave me a help make.
29:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So let me steward this the right way and show people how I'm stewarding it.
29:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's so good.
29:48
[SPEAKER_01]: That's so good.
29:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're going to drop the Bayley Way inside of the show note.
29:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So much I'll check it out, subscribe to the YouTube channel.
29:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to see them often, you know, because I believe my part and my mission of this assignment is to help you build wealth, get out of debt, and really get that true financial freedom.
30:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of y'all are married or in the series relationship.
30:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can help you with the money side, but I can't help you with the relationships outside of things, right?
30:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I want you all to dial into their podcast, subscribe, send them questions.
30:22
[SPEAKER_01]: There are even answering people's questions because I think it's needed.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We gotta expose more godly, healthy, real, authentic.
30:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm gonna say this respectfully, cause I don't want to just spend nobody out there, but good looking black cover.
30:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to leave it right now, so both subscribe to the podcast, but I'm curious, Derelle, Samantha, what does y'all's bank account situation like?
30:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Do y'all have like one bank account, and Samantha has a debit card, she can go, she can go charge anything, you can charge anything, like, what does that situation look like as a couple who's building what you all are building?
30:59
[SPEAKER_02]: That's really a question.
31:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I love this question, and I'll tell you why, but So and I think I think it does help that we got together when we were really young, but I also think that Glory to God we both had the mindset of
31:16
[SPEAKER_02]: team right and so all of our accounts are joined with the exception of our personal accounts that we give ourselves allowances to go by whatever we want with and that has that has transformed over time because as you learn more you're like okay you know what we could spend on the credit card and then pay that off and get points and different things like that but to answer your question
31:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Everything's joint, man.
31:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Our check in the count is joint.
31:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Our savings account is joint.
31:45
[SPEAKER_02]: She has buildability on and to every.
31:47
[SPEAKER_02]: We both open our apps.
31:48
[SPEAKER_02]: We can see everything on the thing we can't see is our personal accounts, okay, which is important because I don't want once we decide it that, hey, we're going to get out of it.
31:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to spend whatever we want to spend and whatever you want to spend.
32:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't need to know which is many of them.
32:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to track that.
32:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that's where a lot of discourse can happen where you're you're you're trying to figure out you how much you used been and all of the other stuff well if you haven't alone was that that's all of that problem yeah you know what I mean and so um and so yeah but everything is joint man we're one team that we literally share the same bed so while we're in our finances be joint that's crazy we say this kid has but our DNA yeah so why we're not you know what I mean yeah and so uh so you have everything
32:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So Samantha, when you want to spend more that's inside of your allowance, how do you brain that?
32:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you just go buy it?
32:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Or do you have a conversation with the real?
32:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Or have you just gone and bought it?
32:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you tow them afterwards, and then you just deal with the heat, or whatever is criminal.
32:45
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you do that?
32:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I think a lot of the latest of a wet, but wait, if I get an allowance, that's like maybe $200, but if I want this brand new purse, that's $450, like what?
32:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's two questions.
32:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
32:58
[SPEAKER_01]: What does Samantha do authentically?
33:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Then what is the right way to do it in that case?
33:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you asked it.
33:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's funny because when we first started doing our allowance, it was like $200.
33:16
[SPEAKER_00]: The month I had like the whole month.
33:18
[SPEAKER_01]: This was years ago.
33:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the guy.
33:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
33:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was the same.
33:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But let's be rude, huh?
33:24
[SPEAKER_01]: That will be probably the average person right now.
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: 1,000 percent.
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
33:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
33:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And but I respected that $200.
33:30
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I'm going to make this stretch.
33:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go buy clothes, whatever.
33:35
[SPEAKER_00]: But whatever the allowance was, I genuinely respected that.
33:38
[SPEAKER_00]: However, where things did start to go a little bit.
33:42
[SPEAKER_00]: A strike.
33:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Talk about it.
33:44
[SPEAKER_00]: is for, in my opinion, the allowance is for me specifically.
33:49
[SPEAKER_00]: When it comes to things for the home, which is another part that I love to spend money on, that is something that we do have larger conversations about and that comes from the joint bank account.
34:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
34:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think the key is having those life meetings and we have saved ourselves so many arguments about finances by having set time every week that we talk about it.
34:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, so at this point, there really is no spending that he's not aware of outside of the allowance because if I want it or if it's something that we need, I know on Tuesdays we're going to have our meeting and I'm going to say, hey, I need an extra
34:26
[SPEAKER_00]: however much because I want to do this with the house.
34:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Or this is outside of, you know, my allowance is for me.
34:32
[SPEAKER_00]: This is something that's going to benefit both of us, so it shouldn't come out of the allowance.
34:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It should come out of the joint account.
34:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
34:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's taking a lot of time and alignment.
34:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if you saw, I don't know if you saw, but a couple months ago, Samantha revamped our whole living room.
34:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I did, yeah.
34:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and so that was a conversation she brought to me during our like meetings.
34:53
[SPEAKER_02]: She was like, hey, I'm tired of this.
34:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to stitch it up, I've been inspired.
34:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to change up everything in here.
34:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And my immediate thought wasn't like, oh, well, we didn't budget this out.
35:02
[SPEAKER_02]: We didn't, we sent in on how to conversation.
35:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, how much do you think this is going to cost?
35:07
[SPEAKER_02]: What are we going for, what's realistic for the budget that we've assigned for this month, different things like that, and we got to a place where we both agreed and we went from there, right?
35:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And now we both love the living room, but yeah, so that's how those conversations go.
35:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So life meetings every single Tuesday, and I'm asking from a relationship perspective because I love that.
35:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's, so let's say Samantha, you have something you want to do like for the liver room.
35:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
35:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You thought about this on Thursday.
35:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
35:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you wait until Tuesday or do you start a conversation on Thursday?
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Or do you do like research, go to him or everything?
35:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do you present something major like that to him?
35:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Start.
35:52
[SPEAKER_00]: for us or else they're planting a seed.
35:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So that way when we get to the life meeting, everything's there, but I'm super organized and I also know that I don't like to hear no.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
36:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know what it takes for him to say yes.
36:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That's more though.
36:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So I will create, he should have no questions.
36:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally when it came to the living room when it comes to a trip, whatever it is, I make a spreadsheet.
36:13
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what we're going to do every day.
36:15
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how much it's because this is how he needs to see things to be able to say yes.
36:19
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what it's going to look like.
36:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how much this is going to cost.
36:22
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how much that's going to cost.
36:24
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's okay, yes, to the couch, but those chairs are too expensive.
36:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's bring the chairs down.
36:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I make it really easy for him and kind of present it to him in a way that it's going to make sense for him.
36:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we just kind of tweak the plan together.
36:38
[SPEAKER_00]: But I always come to him with a plan.
36:41
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do plant seeds ahead of time so that he knows the conversation's coming.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and what I appreciate about her is that I don't ever feel the need to
36:53
[SPEAKER_02]: It's never any friction because if I share with her, okay, I don't think this is going to work for right now, but maybe we can reattach this in a couple of months, she then she's, you know, it's like I'm not saying no, I'm just saying not right now and she's not throwing a fit behind it.
37:11
[SPEAKER_02]: is like, you know what I understand that.
37:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That makes sense.
37:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll explain to her why I think we should push it off for X amount of time, because maybe this is a priority right now over that.
37:20
[SPEAKER_02]: And so it just leaves room for us to be open and transparent.
37:24
[SPEAKER_02]: So there is no, because at the end of the day,
37:27
[SPEAKER_02]: What this all is, the whole point of it, these meetings that we have, I call it prevention, before intervention.
37:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.
37:34
[SPEAKER_02]: We are preventing any resentment, we are preventing any issues down the line so that we don't have to intervene with a shoeflime at my head, you know, a year from now.
37:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right, you know.
37:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I want to say too, that just because Dorel leads the finances in that way, like you guys talk about the studio,
37:54
[SPEAKER_00]: He leads in the finances, but we'll still have conversations even about things that he wants to do too.
38:00
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll make sure that I'm on board like the studio.
38:03
[SPEAKER_00]: We talked about it this morning and I was like, yeah, go ahead, do it.
38:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It makes sense.
38:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And if it doesn't make sense, then I'll ask questions or sometimes tell him, like, hey, I don't think that makes sense financially right now.
38:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Or explain to me why that makes sense right now.
38:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
38:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So it goes both ways too.
38:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that it's always me kind of having to ask, we I think it comes back to that respect conversation of let's make sure we both agree on this, especially that's a large amount of money.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So it sounds like the Mergent of the Counts for you too, and the even thing that's for everyone is it's not a difficult thing as long as you have good clear communication.
38:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
38:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, absolutely.
38:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And I will say this.
38:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's important to identify.
38:49
[SPEAKER_02]: what works for you in your house.
38:52
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, that is so important, right?
38:54
[SPEAKER_02]: My opinion, which is backed by experience and scientific data, is that it is smarter to merge your account.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: However, everybody don't, everybody ain't the same.
39:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And so some people may say, well, look, I just came out of a 10-year marriage.
39:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you.
39:16
[SPEAKER_02]: This is great.
39:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever.
39:17
[SPEAKER_02]: But for my peace of mind and sanity, I need to be able to manage my own accounts for right now.
39:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And if that works for y'all,
39:24
[SPEAKER_02]: didn't this as long as you're aligned in on the same page, but I am going to give you the information to know that, hey, scientifically speaking, based on longitudinal studies, if you merge your accounts, you will do better, much better financially with your partner.
39:37
[SPEAKER_02]: But who only came to me and said that I couldn't be with her?
39:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, me too, I agree with that.
39:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, I mean, it's like, as much as I have a compilition as much wealth and stuff I'm bringing to the table, I'm still merging my accounts.
39:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I'm willing to do that, because I agree with you, I mean, I can't say this is the destination.
39:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in this lane and you're still in that lane.
40:02
[SPEAKER_01]: That's good, that's good.
40:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
40:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, we need to merge lanes.
40:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're driving together.
40:08
[SPEAKER_01]: We're driving together, right?
40:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe in a marriage for a season I may drive.
40:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But in another season because it may be something that you're struggling, you're going to drive.
40:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
40:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to support you.
40:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
40:20
[SPEAKER_01]: But we're still getting to that destination.
40:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And if we're saying,
40:24
[SPEAKER_01]: we want to build wealth and provide saved for our children's children.
40:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
40:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I just put in $50 in to their five, $20, you want to put in $50, too?
40:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It shouldn't be like, right, right, right.
40:37
[SPEAKER_01]: We did, that's good.
40:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hey, I want to open up a, I want to buy a house for, in our kids, you cool, we're putting in 100 of your money.
40:48
[SPEAKER_01]: don't even tell.
40:50
[SPEAKER_00]: That's pretty like I have we have friends and that's really hey the light bills this much this month.
40:56
[SPEAKER_00]: What are we?
40:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm not not.
41:01
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not what I'm teaching him.
41:03
[SPEAKER_00]: There are a lot of couples do that.
41:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think you can get someone's further.
41:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't have to have that kind of conversation.
41:08
[SPEAKER_01]: We can have a wealth conversation.
41:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
41:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's a bigger conversation about trust in your relationship.
41:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And understand, right?
41:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's why I threw in there when you're preparing for marriage, make sure we before we get there, we're healing the part of us that needs to be healed.
41:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So we can actually exist in the powerful marriage that God wants to suck it.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You know that's so good.
41:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Last question, yeah.
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Y'all are about to be a mom and dad.
41:33
[SPEAKER_01]: has that conversation came up in your life meeting about what are we doing now?
41:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I love the four-hour daughter.
41:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And if so, give me one or two things that from going back to what you said in the beginning, the shade.
41:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
41:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
41:50
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you all doing now to provide that shade for your daughter?
41:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So, methods tell you, we were in Miami a couple weeks ago doing a general reveal, and I spent about two hours online researching what I need to do, and make sure that this little girl is going to be okay.
42:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Because the truth of the matter is, in 2045, she'll be 18 years old, and whether you accept it or not, AI is coming, and it's coming very fast.
42:15
[SPEAKER_02]: what that means is that the job market is going to look extremely different than it does right now.
42:19
[SPEAKER_02]: The way we traditionally make money, it'll be very different 18 years from now.
42:23
[SPEAKER_02]: For sure.
42:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, and me thinking about that, I'm thinking, okay, cool, how do I prepare her for what's to come, not knowing what's coming?
42:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, what I can do is make sure that she has options, the way you have options if you have money.
42:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
42:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what I've done is I've looked at three different options.
42:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I've looked at investment custodial accounts.
42:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I've looked at the 529 plan, which I've served over a decade in the military.
42:48
[SPEAKER_02]: So I have my GI bill that I can pass down to her, so she doesn't need that.
42:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
42:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And I've looked at.
42:54
[SPEAKER_02]: opening a trust and putting an account in the trust of her and that way I can set rules.
42:59
[SPEAKER_02]: The thing about an investment in a custodia account is this, once she turns a certain age depend on what state she lives in, she then has full control of that money legally.
43:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, that is her money.
43:09
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're the 18 to 21, for sure.
43:11
[SPEAKER_02]: We both know that what's important to you at 18 or 21 is not the same thing as going to be important to you at 30.
43:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks.
43:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, we had a conversation whereby that's probably not the best route for us because we want to make sure that she's doing it in that money properly.
43:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So what we're leaning towards right now is opening up a trust, putting her account into the trust and funding that every single month and we're going to set specific rules around that money.
43:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're going to look at what that looks like, maybe it's going to be okay.
43:40
[SPEAKER_02]: When you're ready to get married, you'll have money aside for that.
43:42
[SPEAKER_02]: When you're ready to purchase a home.
43:43
[SPEAKER_02]: will have that down payment squared away for you.
43:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully we'll have the whole payment of you and that you know I'm going to be aggressive when I've been putting money into her account.
43:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And so these are the conversations we're having it.
43:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Do we have an all figured out right now?
43:55
[SPEAKER_02]: No, but before she gets here on January 28th,
43:58
[SPEAKER_02]: We will have figured out facts, yeah.
44:00
[SPEAKER_02]: But the conversations are being had, and we know that we are going to be investing.
44:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I've also looked at opening up 15-year mortgages on a couple of different houses in that way.
44:10
[SPEAKER_02]: It kind of pays itself.
44:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And by the time she turns 18 years old, we'll have that.
44:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So looking at a couple of different things, but these are the conversations that are being had.
44:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That's providing shade.
44:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
44:23
[SPEAKER_01]: That's definitely providing shade.
44:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that.
44:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I was still open up with 529, no?
44:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
44:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's what I love it.
44:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, 529, because you had a GI bill.
44:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, how did GI bill?
44:34
[SPEAKER_01]: 529 sales, sales for college.
44:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So it can be used for anything.
44:39
[SPEAKER_01]: That supports college.
44:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
44:41
[SPEAKER_01]: OK. Got it.
44:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's say, G.I.B.L.
44:44
[SPEAKER_01]: covers it.
44:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
44:46
[SPEAKER_01]: The 529 sales goes to it.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Depending on the school, as she goes to, they'll issue that back as a refund to help her pay her rent, help her pay anything that she needs.
44:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You all can still set boundaries around that, though, as far as in what it is.
44:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
45:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So she needs to live on an off-campus, right?
45:04
[SPEAKER_01]: If the loans is at it, it is an apartment for school by 20 I would take care of it.
45:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And because you're in the state of where you're at, on for your personal business out there, it's a ride on for you.
45:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Very true.
45:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Very true.
45:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like, really, I think all avenues are legit.
45:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
45:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
45:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:24
[SPEAKER_01]: But you just got to use it.
45:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And just really, really, just I will fund it all and then put it all up underneath your trust.
45:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, love it.
45:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So I have I have all that.
45:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, all in my trust.
45:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And like you said, I have guidelines on when my nephews, when my knees can touch those funds.
45:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, when my child, if I ever have a child can touch those funds.
45:45
[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, I just love the fact that before your baby is even out of the wound.
45:50
[SPEAKER_01]: you all are having that conversation.
45:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But typically happens is when they get out of high school, then they're now just trying to have everyone just like a scrambled and figure it out.
46:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I was once they thank you all, man, for what y'all are doing.
46:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Love what y'all stand for.
46:07
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bayley Way show is just amazing.
46:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Make sure y'all go subscribe to it because I mean, just listen to their conversation, right?
46:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,
46:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't say, of course, you know, you know, she going to submit to him because she looked better than him, he ugly.
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
46:27
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no excuses here.
46:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
46:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't say she's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's.
46:32
[SPEAKER_01]: The man got a vision, he's working to vision, he's providing for his family, he's giving her what she desires, she's giving him to respect and love and a support that he desires.
46:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're doing it in a healthy way.
46:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but they have some real conversations over the area.
46:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So go check them out, subscribe to the channel, and I promise you that you'll be blessed, man.
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll see you on our next show.
46:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Peace out.
46:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Great carefully.