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Transcript

SMNTY Classics: Extroverts, Introverts and Ambiverts · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Wellcome stuff. I've never told you a production of iHeartRadio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: And as we're closing out twenty twenty four, there's a
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: lot of gathering seeing of people that happens at the
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: end of the year. And I have to say I've
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: noticed one question. I get a lot when I go
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: home and people find out I'm on podcast is about
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: extroverts and introverts and ambiverts and just the science of it.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: I find it like every time I go home, it
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: somehow comes up.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Really yeah, I know.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I think it's because almost everyone I know when I
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: go home is an introvert, but I'm an extrovert, and
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: there's been an interesting shift of it. Seems they're craving
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: going out more than I am. It's like I'm like,
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: I finally get to stay in. And because being an
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: extrovert means you just do something new, new stimulus, so
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: it comes up a lot. Actually interesting, I know, uh,
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: and people are always asking me about like the definitions
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: of it. I guess maybe this it came up and
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: people know I've done and we've done an episode on it,
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: so it comes up in conversation a lot, and people
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: are really interested in knowing the science of it, because
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I think when you are hanging out with a lot
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: of people during the holidays, you're kind of curious about
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: why you feel the way you feel. And it is interesting,
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: It is really interesting.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: It is interesting. Annie.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: I would like to say, I think my partner took
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: the perfect picture of my style of socializing, which is
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: literally me under a blanket next to my dog and
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: all you can see is my dog in this tall blanket.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: So I like being social without being social. What is
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: that called?
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: You know, they should really like update this because I
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: remember I took I talk about it in here, but
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: during the pandemic, I was like, maybe I'm not an
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: extrovert and I took the like official test and it
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: was like, no one, you were an extrovert.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I mean the word ambient art was not widely used
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: until more recently.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: I know we talked a little bit about that as well,
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: and I think there have been spectrum levels of this
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: and we probably should do a revisit because there has
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: been new conversations, especially after the pandemic.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, we should come back and revisit because we
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: were doing this during I think the early days at
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: the pandemic, but I'm I would be very curious to
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: know if anything new has come out about it, because
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: clearly people are interested.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Every time I go.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Home, someone asked me about it. So for a later date,
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: but in the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: IM never told you a production of iHeartRadio. Today we're
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: going to talk about something that has been coming up
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: a lot during these are quarantine times, which is extroversion
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: versus introversion, extroverts versus introverts. And I'm sure we've all
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: seen the memes and jokes about being told to stay
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: in for quarantine is an introverts dream apart from the
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: unending anxiety of a pandemic, right, and about how introverts
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: have been preparing.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: For this their whole lives.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Haha, extroverts, look at you panicking about having to stay
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: in And these are definitely over simplifications. Most of us
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: need a healthy dose of downtime and socializing. But we
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: thought we would unpack some of this and especially how
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: it pertains to women. So how would you classify yourself, Samantha.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: Honestly, I originally I would have said, an introvert completely,
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: because I am absolutely that person who gets zapped very
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: quickly in a crowd of people, and even before coming in,
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: I automatically panic if there's more than five. So but
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: after this research, I feel like it changed with my
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: age as well as with what's happening right now. Not
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: that my personalities changed, but even like my understanding of
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: my personality is kind of changed.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: What about you?
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Interesting?
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have to say one, I feel very judged
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: doing this research, thank you. I am definitely an extrovert.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: Every I've taken the personality test and everyone I get like,
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, by a lot, which I honestly, I've kind
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: of surprises even me because I do a lot of
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: things that are typical introvert traits, like when it comes
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: to decision making. And we'll get more into this later.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: I am so much an introvert, and you know, you know,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: I love to read and like research and stay in
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: and I'm actually fine being alone.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I live alone. It's just that I would go out
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: all the time.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: But right there are certainly qualities that I thought like shyness,
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: and shyness is very often misunderstood to be synonymous with introvert.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: And I'm actually really shy, but that it turns out
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: doing this research really does doesn't have anything to do
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: with being an introvert or an.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Extrovert, right.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: I feel like I am definitely an IFP. That has
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: always been my thing, and so being an introvert through
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: and through I have never really questioned all of that.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: But you know, as you talked about being judged.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: Right now with the research, there was definitely like I
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: feel a little more empowered with my communication skills right now.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: It's really funny because I remember so clearly. One day
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: I was driving, I was carpooling with a bunch of
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: our coworkers for we do this big volunteer day every year.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: And I was carpooling and it was early in the morning.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: I was just like, you know, bubbly talking because it
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: was silent, and I was trying to, you know, have
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: some kind of conversation and my friend there's like a
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: pause and he said, so.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: You're a morning person. Right. It's like, oh, so maybe nobody.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Actually wants to talk and I'm just annoying everyone.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: And I had a moment.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Doing this of like realizing how many times I thought
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: I was I don't want to say helping out, but
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: I was like, silence is something that I always try
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: to fill and perhaps somebody just wanted silence.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: Well me, To be fair, I think it's not just
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: morning person is being an extrovert. Right, I'm a grumpy
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: I'm a grumpy ass morning person, and it doesn't necessarily
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: have to do with my introvertedness.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Is absolutely to do to the fact that I'm.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: Always tired, as well as the fact in the morning,
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: I'm like, why, why do things happen?
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: What is happening? What is to day? So, you know,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I think that's just a whole different level anyway.
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: But yeah, it definitely has those connotations of who's too talkative,
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: who isn't talkative enough?
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: And what does that mean?
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: So actually, let's talk about the what shall we Yeah, So, basically,
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: an introvert is someone who gets their energy from being alone,
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: and an extrovert.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Gets their energy from other people.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: An external stimulations based on the way their brain is wired.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: And that's pretty much that's pretty much. Yet our introvart's
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: more introspective. Not necessarily are they shy?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Not necessarily right, And some researchers put these ideas more
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: on a spectrum so you're not one or the other,
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: or those are outliers, but somewhere in between. Other research
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: suggests that extroverts are more driven by reward value, which
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: influences social behavior. So I think it's a dopamine release
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: and a lot of these reward values we can get
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: them in social situations, so it kind of pushes for
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: more social interaction. Meanwhile, one proposed model on introverts breaks
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: introversion into four types social thinking, restrained, and anxious, and
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: most people, according to this model, are a mixture of
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: those things if they're an introvert.
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: Right, So, our modern understanding of these concepts go back
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: to the nineteen twenties and call Young, which I'm sure
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: most of you heard of. Young also described a third group,
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: which he believed to be the largest, and that were
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: sort of a mixture. Nowadays, we call that group ambiaverse,
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: and they have qualities of both introverse and extroverts, and
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: those some think ambiverts are just introverts who learn how
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: to behave like extroverts, which we'll talk.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: A little bit about later on.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: Scientists believe these differences have to do with how our
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: brains get aroused that interverse process information more quickly and
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: need less stimuli. A nineteen sixty four study with Lemon
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: jews found that introverse salivated more with just a few
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: drops of the jews compared to the extroverts. The scientists
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: concluded that this meant introverts needed less stimuli for their
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: brains to get aroused and extroverts needed more stimuli to
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: reach that same level. Since we can only process so
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: much at once, introverse turn inward to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: There have been so many studies and research into this.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: I love that Lemon study. I'd never heard of that. Right,
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: that's a good one, I think. Yeah, so many books
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: have been written, these ideas have been incorporated into Yes,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: the Meyers, Briggs and the Big five personality test. Psychologists
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: have argued about how they fit into fixed mindsets, which
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: is kind of this you are who you are and
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: that's it, and growth mindsets, and that's the belief that
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: you can cultivate new behaviors in yourself with time and effort.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: So fixed mindset is sometimes also called self as a
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: story mindset, and these are associated with lower self esteem
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: and self awareness. So if you're coming from a fixed
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: mindset and you tell yourself I'm an introvert, then you
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: might become even more introverted than you actually are. This
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: is actually one of the number one reasons I love
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: traveling alone because I feel like you can break out
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: of those kinds of stories that people have made about
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: you and that you have cultivated for yourself. Psychologists have
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: also argued that maybe personalities are situational, meaning we change
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: and adapt much more than we think if they.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Exist at all.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: And I read so much many articles about it, and
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: it was fascinating. I've never even thought about it in
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: the way people were discussing it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: It was oh so cool.
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: So depending on the sorts, it's either an even split
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: when it comes to percentages of the population or about
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: twenty five percent introverts, or the population is about half
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: two two thirds in reverts.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: So the numbers very a lot.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And twenty eighteen sarvey is conducted by Eby
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: found that fifty five percent of introverts felt anxiety after
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: getting an invite to something, compared to eighteen percent of extroverts.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: So seventy four percent of extroverts felt excited by the
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: invitation compared to forty four percent of the introverts and
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: introverts worked twice as likely to turn down an invite,
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: and introverts were twice as likely to hang out with
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: someone they know.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: But there were a few things we can agree on.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Two thirds of all responders admitted they won't go to
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: a party without an exit plant.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I think that's a great idea personally, and.
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: Both groups were also likely to avoid bridal showers in
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: any events with babies or children. And yes, yes, I
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: am definitely one of those people. And I will say
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: it's according to the event and how many people I know.
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: But I am absolutely that person that waits to see
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: who is going to that party or event first, so
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: I will go click through every single person and who
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: they are and who's coming with them. So for me,
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: I will wait till the last possible minute to give
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: you a response, which probably infuriates many of people, but.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I just I have to pre prayer.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: So I'm assuming Annie, are you an automatic yes person?
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Pretty much like I guess. The biggest thing actually is
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: how far do I have to drive? That's fair, But yeah,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: like if you invite me to something, I will probably come,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: and I even have It's sort of a fomo thing
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: where I used to feel like, well, what's going to
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: happen if I stay in?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: But what could have and if I go out?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: But I've had to anti proof some events because I'm like,
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I don't know this person well enough to be as
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: you know, Samantham frequently the last person to leave, so
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: I have to like set an alarm on my phone,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: like okay, you should go.
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: Now, and you and I close enough, I'm like, okay,
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go to sleep now.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll just kick me out, which is great.
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: Usually I'm like you can stay, you can stay as
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: long as you want, but I'm going to go to sleep.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Right just what I need because otherwise I will stay.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I do, like I do take a kind
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: of survey of what kind of party I think it's
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: going to be, like how many people do I know?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: But I'll probably be there if you invited me.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: Another survey found that extroverts have more sex than introverts,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: but it was self reported so should be taken with
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: a grain of salt. Some research also suggests that extroverts
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: are happier, and there are a lot of theories as
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: to why that might be from the world being set
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: up for and more accepting of extroverts. The whole cultural
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: personality thing. We're going to get into this more, but yeah,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: in a lot of ways, our culture and like even
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: work is set up for extroverts, and if you're trying
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: to fit into that, that can lead to a lot
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: of feelings of failure. And there's also science that found
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: simply acting happier, like smiling thinks us happier doing those
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: kinds of things, and if you're an extrovert, you're probably
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: doing that more often. So maybe it's that I feel
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: like happiness is a hard thing to quantify, but right, And.
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: I think the phrase fake it to you make it
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: is definitely a part of that as well. So there's
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: been a lot of the studies into sex and age
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: differences and extraversion and introversion, which is very fascinating in itself,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: and many of them show that introversion is more common
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: among women and that levels of introversion go up with age,
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: which I could say I have more confidence in being
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: at home and staying at home, and we're not just
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: being introverted, so it's more of I'm able to say
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: no now and I'm able to be like, nah, I'm
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: tired and not feel ashamed of I'm tired of people.
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: So I feel like, yes, I could be the age thing,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: but it could be just the I'm more in set
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: into my personality and more confident in saying no.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: But again, this is the whole back to.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: Introvertse trying to keep up with extroverts as well. I
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: think at a younger age or just in general, you
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: want to try to again act as if you're personable,
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: and you have this dread of not being friendly enough,
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: outgoing enough.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: So part of that is pretending to want.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: To be at these places, so when you get older
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: you just don't care anymore.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: That's where I feel like I'm mad.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I'm aging nicely to be able to
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: say hell nah. So Fridays yeah, and Fridays to me
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: is no longer let's hang in party. It's the soft
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: pants and bench watching alone party, and I look forward
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: to it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: Of course, now that we're in this quarantine, life is
• 15:58
  Speaker 4: a little different, but before it was absolutely like, yeah,
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: this is this is what I want, this is what
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: I look forward to.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: It is funny.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you brought this up because I when I
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: was trying to think of my own motivations for things.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: It's really hard to separate out, like what is your
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: brain chemistry? And then what is something that's just like
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: like for me. I know I've talked about it before,
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: but when I get anxious, I plan and it's a
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: way of like not thinking about whatever it is I'm
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: anxious about. And so people used to ask me, like,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: were you drunk when you invited me to that thing?
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, nope, I was probably.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Panicking and I was just trying not to, like I
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: had to keep my schedule so busy. And it's hard
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: to say if that's extraversion or like some weird PTSD thing.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: There's just so many factors, right, and it's hard to
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: separate it out. And finding out like that women are
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: more introverted, Like there's a higher percentage of women. I
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: feel like introversion is more accepted among men when you
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: think about like the strong and silent type or the
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: stoic type, or the sitcom husband who reads the paper
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: while his wife just talks away and he just wants
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: to be left alone, whereas introverted women are often labeled
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: as depressed or a spinster.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Although I will say I was thinking like.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Les Lemon from thirty Rock did a lot for the
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: whole to staying in and eating your night cheese or
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: whatever it is, and that got me to thinking, are
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: women conditioned to perform more traits.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Associated with extroversion?
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: And when I think about myself, there are definitely some
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: behaviors that I can't say for sure the force, the
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: motivating force behind them. And I think as a woman,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: I do feel a lot of pressure to make people
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: happy and to if you invite me to do a thing,
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: I'm going to show up and I'm going to make
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: sure it's a fun time. And I do think some
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: of that is societal conditioning. So it's hard to say
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: for sure, right human beings are complicated.
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I think that also plays into the
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: societal idea of women being host and hostesses and so there.
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: I definitely remember in college people loved when I would
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: take in charge of a party and trying to plan
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: things and organize things and make sure everybody's happy, all
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: of these which by the way, makes me panic, makes me.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Have an anxiety attack. I actually hate it.
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: I hate large gatherings that I'm in charge of because
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: the entire time I'm so unhappy and trying to figure
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: out if this person is unhappy, how do I make
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: this better? Oh my god, this person's not talking, they're
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: having you know, all of these levels. But I think
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: that's part of the being the perfect quote unquote woman
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: of the house, whether it's you're a mother and you're
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: hosting a party, or you're someone's wife and you're hosting
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: a benefit for them.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: You know, you see it.
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: We've talked about it before in the political roles when
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: wives of candidates are shown as being the perfect pristine
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: people who are friendly, outgoing all of these and bubbly
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: and what does that look like? It's automatically a tuned
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: with extra version, right.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: And then on the flip side of that, and I
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: know going to discuss this more in a bit, but
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: a lot of times women are expected to be quiet, right,
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: and that is associated with introversion. So it makes me
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: wonder these numbers how accurate they are and how can
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: we separate that out all these societal forces. But all right,
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: let's get into extroversion and extroverts. But first we're going
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: to pause for a quick break for word from our sponsor,
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So, according to positive
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Psychology dot com. Extroverts are recharged by socializing and make
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: decisions quickly, speak more our outgoing, are easily distracted, action oriented,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: gregarious and expressive, great communicat and enjoy being at the
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: center of attention. Now, as we said, not all extroverts
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: are the same, and not all will exhibit all of
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: these things.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Essentially, it just means.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: What we said at the top, your energy is coming
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: from external stimuli.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Right, So, terms associated with extroverts chatty kathy or a
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: social butterfly, flirty birdie, which, by the way, this is
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: that's a new one to me, just like oh I.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Used to get called flirty birdie all the time.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Why that just oh my, okay, we'll go back. We'll
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: go because it's just so nonsensical of a term.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: Okay, keep it on people, person that I have heard charming, witty,
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: and dearing. And while these are generally viewed as good
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: things that are frequently used to demean women or haha,
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: minimize them, surprise, surprise, and things along the lines of airhead, ditsy,
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: the joke that you can't get women to stop talking,
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: all of.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Those ridiculous narratives. But it also can go hand in
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: hand with not so great things like she's easy.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, I feel like if you were having
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: to put this in the dichotomy of the Madonna and
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: the horror, the extra verts the horror for sure.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: And like the introvert is cold.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Ice queen, right, and then because I just read about
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: Frozen and Elsa being an introvert, yes, there we.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: Go, that she is the ice queen, literally the ice queen.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: Maybe we got it all wrong in many ways, that's
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: what we were saying earlier. Society is set up to
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: favor extroverts, especially in industries that depend on relationships, being
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: outgoing and making and deepening connections. Networking can really help
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: you land a deal or climb a corporate ladder. Extroverts
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: are likelier to hold management and senior positions. One said
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: he found the number of introverts and top positions was
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: as low as two percent and are likelier to promote
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: other extroverts. And part of that is what is that
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: that's that like buzzworthy term face time, like you got
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: to put face time in at the office, and like
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: you've got to be at the social happy hours, and
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: that's where a lot of these opportunities kind of come up,
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: and the extroverts are more likely to be doing those
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: things right. When it comes to the public seer, extroverted
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: people do tend to dominate the scene because they're out
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: there all the time. However, this is not always the case.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: A lot of famous introverts have I guess, kind of
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: gamed the system, like figured out how to succeed in
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: this like extrovert world, I.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: Want to say.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Right, so, even primary education is often structured in a
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: way that favors extraversion over introversion. And another way this
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: idea of an introvert extrovert in the workplace intersects with
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: women is that we're always being told to assert ourselves,
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: speak up of meetings, make ourselves heard, largely extroverted qualities
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: and you can actually even see that and open office plans. Yeah,
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: that kind of geared toward that whole interaction, you know,
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: teamward being loud, being very interactive, which and when you
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: start researching and we'll talk a little more about it.
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: During the interversion portion is anti productive for introvertse because
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: they need that solitude to have a creative mindspace and
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: being able to work out their own creativity and or process.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: So it's very much so that whole level of what
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: is it scared.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Toward back in the before times.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Our office is an open space office, and you weren't
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: there yet, Samantha. But when we moved in, like two
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: or three months later, we had a whole office meeting
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: and it turned into an hour and a half of
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: like half the office just saying how much they in
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: open spots, open office space.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: And I will I would say, as surprising as that
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: may be, our office is made up of a lot
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: of introverts.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would venture to guess that is true.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I came into the office and like, what
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: is this? Because yeah, I hated it. I hate because I'm.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: Like, I don't like being watched and every time, maybe
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: it's just my own like inability to focus, but I'm.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Like, what what, who's who's here? What are they doing? What?
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: And then being afraid and I'm again, I'm not extroverted
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: to an extent, but I do have a voice, and
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: I do like to talk to myself.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: I do have a talk, you know, And so sometimes
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: when I talk to.
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: Myself, I forget I'm in an open space with a
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: lot of other people who have figured out not to
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: talk to themselves.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I've definitely overheard some curse words and some some laughs.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: So maybe you're not as out of place as you
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: think you are.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Something maybe maybe.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: Other research suggests the existence of what is called an
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: ambivert advantage. Because ambiverts are good at listening and asserting themselves.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Some studies have found that they are more productive than
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: both introverts and extroverts. There's also something called the friendship
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: paradox and the extroversion bias. Essentially, our outgoing extroverted friends
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: are more likely to be represented in our friendship circles
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: because they have more friends, leading to the misconception there
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: are more extroverts than there actually are, and extroverts aren't
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: great at understanding introverts, or they haven't been for a
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: long time. I do think this is improving some they
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: might see introverts stuck up or judgmental, like, oh, you're
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: too good for my small talk or whatever it is.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: For some they just can't compute the idea that someone
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: would want would need to be alone and there not
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: be something wrong. I kind of this need to check in.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Oh they're they're by themselves, I should check in, And
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: like this was a moment for me again where I
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: was thinking back to that interaction I had with my
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: friend in the morning and whatever the case was extroversion
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: or he's just not a morning person, but it like
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: never occurred to me.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: I thought I was doing a service.
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: I was trying to help and not wanted at all,
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: not wanted at all. The word antisocial gets thrown around
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: a lot when you're talking about introverts, and that's the
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: product of a lot of our media narratives around what
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: introversion is. Even the Dictionary recognizes our cultural understanding of
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: introvert in one of its definitions as shy and withdrawn,
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: which isn't accurate. It can be, but that's not what
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: it means. Right, So let's talk about introverts. Let's clear
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: some of this up, all right, but first let's take
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: one more quick break for word from our sponsor.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And we're back. Thank you, sponsor. So, Samantha, you tellos
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: about introverts, I.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Got you so for my peoples.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: According to Positive Psychology, they describe introverts with these traits
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: recharged by spending time alone or flight before making decisions.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Listen more enjoy one on one conversation introspective of self aware,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: I think before acting, learn through observation, and more sociable
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: with people they know. Again, introverts don't always have all
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: of these traits, they're just commonly associated with introverts, and
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: according to author Susan Kin, introversion is quote simply a
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: preference to socialize in these.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Quieter ways we mentioned earlier.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: How surprisingly, there are statistically more women who are classified
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: as introverts than there are men, but when it comes
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: to the stereotypes, it seems men are more accepted as
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: introverts than women. As blogger Mikaela Chung puts it, Western
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: society tends to be more accepting of stoic men than
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: their female counterparts. It's not uncommon to hear women being
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: referenced to as snobs or awkward, or even stand offish
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: if they aren't interactive enough, But for those who may
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: be considered talkative, they are sometimes referenced to as chatty.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Cathy's.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: When we were researching the subject of introvert versus extrovert,
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: there does seem to be a lot of assumptions of
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: the personality trait being negative for introverts, opinions stating that
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: introverts are strange or selfish, or maybe even hiding something
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I knew it, Samantha. One statement even goes as far
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: to say, every once in a while, it's something good,
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: but eighty percent of the time the introvert is a
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: shady character.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Don't mind me, I'm not being shady.
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: As in fact, with those many negative stereotypes of introverts,
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: and specifically female introverts, there's this continued conversation of what
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: leadership looks like for those who have been identified as
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: an introvert. The many articles we looked at seem to
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: be quote how to guys to provide introverts the skills
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: needed to move forward. As one article states from the
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: US News, it is a double whammy effect, which is
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: referencing the already known statistic that women are less likely
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: to be promoted or considered for a promotion into a
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: leadership position and add to that the challenges that often
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: can be associated with introverts, such as quietness or inability
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: to schmooth slash network in order to be seen. And
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: in one study conducted by ones in Dialchart, only fifteen
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: percent of the supervisory level was made up of introverts,
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: while only two percent or CEOs so that's kind of
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: a very odd, weird low number. And if we want
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: to talk about levels, let's also think on the many
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: women of color, LGBTQ, non binary women introverts trying to
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: move forward in their careers. But we'll come back to
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: that in a bit.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: In most, if not all, of the research that we
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: came across, the constant mention of imposter syndrome was a
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: theme of trying to navigate what seems to be a
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: world of extroverts who are framed as outgoing and assertive
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: and less you're a woman than you run into also
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: the problem of being labeled as overbearing or loud, know
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: it all. Many of those who identify as introverts often
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: speak of trying to change their personalities and pushing themselves
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: to be seen as more friendly and outgoing, or just
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: not moving forward and backing away from opportunities due to
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: inability or anxiety of trying to be acknowledged or given recognition.
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: And so with that, here are a couple of help
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: advice for introverts trying to climb the ladder, supposedly, so
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: let's see if they work.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: So one is focus.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: On your work at hand or passion instead of looking
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: at the downfall of your personality type. Introverse are so
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: often mistaken as antisocial, when in actuality is the level
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: of interaction and social networking that can drain an individual,
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: and it's not necessarily being around another human. For me,
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: I think I need connections someone who I can be
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: completely honest with and open with on a personal level.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: I am very quick to get to the depth of
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: a conversation, to the point that I've been called intimidating
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: you really, but it's something that I can't if it's
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: a vapid conversation for too long is exhausting to me.
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: And so when you think about all of that and
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: how that could help, when you're able to find a
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: passion or that passion in general and put it into practice,
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: the impact can be significant in a career slash work field.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Right embracing your intro version. Yeah, it's neither is better
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: than the other. Right, neither is better than the others.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: So another tip, be strategic. Again, when we were talking
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: about introverts and social settings, the idea of big groups
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: of strangers is daunting, but small personal connections can be
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: just as if not more, useful, in strategic planning for
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: the growth of a company or an idea. And who
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: doesn't love a good email. Well, it depends, but I
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: actually do love email. This is where introverts can excel
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: and all those meetings, you know, that could have just
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: been an email. As we see today, the introverts there.
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: For you, right, I don't want to talk to your face,
• 31:43
  Speaker 4: I'll just send you an email even better.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I am like that.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: I actually do really prefer. But that's my hearing problem.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: I think that's fair.
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: Those who have issues with hearing, or are deaf or
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: can't hear, they probably would really, really really prefer being
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: able to have a concentrated chat room versus video chats
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: or just a video, or having in person conversation where
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: it's a giant group of people.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: So that makes sense.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: The panic I feel when I have like multiple voices
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: and I can't see faces, Oh my god.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: It is interesting to me too, because I in theory
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: I would love to do face to face things, and
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: I do, but I have to do It's like another
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: anti proofing thing where I know, if I don't have time,
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: I'm going to keep talking because I like it and
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I want to talk to this person. So a lot
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: of times even though I would prefer to do face
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: to face, I make myself do emails because it's a
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: time saver. So it's funny to hear it from your
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: side and then hear it from my side.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Where we're essentially trying to do the same thing we
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: really are. We're just taking.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: Different routes and have different motivations for it. And as
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: we mentioned, when it comes to women being intro there
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: is the issue of the double whammy, but going even
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: beyond that on an intersectional level, we do see or
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: even assume when it comes to women of color, LGBTQ plus,
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: non binary or as Lynette Crane, who is a consultant
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: that speaks on introverts and job advancement, called it a
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: triple whammy.
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: Right as In fact, a blogger named Nicole Nichols writes
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: specifically in being an introverted Black woman and the many
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: stereotypes that come along with being a black woman, whether
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: it's the expectations that black women are bold and bigger
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: than life personality, and then what happens when that is
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: not that person's individual personality. She writes, we've all seen
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: in the media of the sister Girls with the rotating
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: next shrill voices and tempers that go from zero to
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: one hundred and two seconds.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: As hard it is to believe.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: In a society that is more diverse than ever, there
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: are still people whose only exposure to black women are
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: shows like Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, and the
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Woral Housewives of Atlanta, which seem to never showcase an
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: introverted black woman as In fact, there was a season
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: in which one of the members of the Real Housewives
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: of Atlanta talked about the fact that her scenes were
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: cut completely and I believe she wasn't invited back because
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: there was not enough drama. Sure, yeah, And she speaks
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: on the stereotypes that continue to dismiss introverted women of
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: color and maybe even their value. She goes on to
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: talk about her experiences of being reprimanded for being too
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: quiet and not lively enough at a social event, and
• 34:22
  Speaker 4: it definitely is a level of judgment for who she
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: is as an individual and a personality type. So I
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: find that really fascinating when we have that expansion of
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: oh my god, this is already bad, but let's add
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: these again intersectional issues that we don't see or think
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: about enough.
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is interesting to think of how we've just
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: sort of coded as a society that the wallflower or
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: whatever that there's something wrong right right, and that you
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: need to.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like they're just being weird or awkward,
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: but really.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: Like I don't know, I like to go talk to
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: the wallflower and if they're not into it, I just
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: leave right.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: And I think this is also a big conversation to
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: have in the LGBTQ plus community when we think about
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: the ideas of a gay man versus lesbians and the
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: ideas that happened of who is who, who has the
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: bigger personality and who kind of has this negative connotation
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: when we see the world around us, and even when
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: we talked about transgender communities in the conversations that we
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: have to have, you see amazing things like pose, but
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: automatically assume that all transgender people are that vibrant because
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: of a persona and so it's very problematic when it
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: comes to the fact that you're not that person. You're
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: just an individual who was finding their identity in a
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: different way quietly and need a process. And it's an
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: interesting whammy of how does this continue to affect and
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: how does this continue to be a negative impact for
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: you as that person going through such a giant personal growth,
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: personal awareness and trying to navigate that in a world
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: where you're supposed to fit into these things for people's entertainment.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: So I hear what I am hearing is more representation
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: what Yes. Though introversion has been long viewed as a negative,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: as we've been discussing as recent years, not necessarily because
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: of our current isolation situation, it has become almost popular
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: to call oneself an introvert. I when I was researching
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: this to the one of the reasons I felt so
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: judged was the many articles written like finally we can
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: escape those extroverts and.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: They're small talk, they're treaded small talk.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't like by small talk
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: small talk.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Oh good, we will be fit. Well that's the thing.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we need each other. We do need each other.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: Yes, And it's kind of a shift in this conversation
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: on what an introvert actually is, like an understanding of
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: what it is, what it means, and the power behind
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: the creative quiet pri process often associated with an introvert.
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: Right, And another conversation we definitely want to come back
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: to is the idea Chelsea Brooks talks about with the
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: gender perceptions of extroverse and introverts, with the idea that
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: introversion is a feminine trait. When talking about extrovertse we
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: hear of it being masculine, bold and loud, and when
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: we discuss introverts, the idea of more analytical, thoughtful, reserved mousey,
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: which is seen as feminine, and the question of why.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: So going back to the author we mentioned earlier, Susan Kine,
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: she's kind of like the expert introversion. She wrote Quiet,
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won't Stop Talking.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: She also did a TED talk that I know, like
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: Emma Watson is called out and Bill Gates says it's
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: one of his favorites. So she's a big deal. Right
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: In this conversation, I.
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: Think every blogger that we saw or every writer that
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: we saw that did a post mention her at least
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: three or four times.
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, sure, yes.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: And she commented on how introversion and our ideas around
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: it impacts feminism. She said, women who are naturally quiet
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: feel as if they can't be feminist or be powerful
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: because of it. We really need to undo that perception.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: And yeah, we perhaps inadvertedly, are sending this message to
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: young girls that a strong woman has to be an
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: extroverted one. There are no strong female introverts, which is
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: absolutely not true.
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, as in fact, we have some examples of some
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: amazing female intervis Audrey Hepburn, who was a genius and
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: a lovely actress way back when. Breakfast in Tiffany's is
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: still one of my favorites, even though Capoti hated it.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: Fair enough, Eleanor Roosevelt who had made such impact when
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: as the first Lady Meryl Streep, you don't you know
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: she's a powerhouse.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: We know this, She's a powerhouse and everything.
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: Rosa Parks who started a movement on her own, and
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: then Michelle Obama, come on, come on, the show was
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: Michelle Obama. So if you don't sorry that we love her,
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: and yes she should be given the respect, all the respects.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is interesting how many really creative, famous people
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: are introverts. And actually, when I first started working here,
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: kind of going back to your point, I was surprised
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: at how many of the hosts of the podcast.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: We do are introverts.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: And I mean it makes sense because I do think
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: being analytical is actually one of the keys to being creative,
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: and that's my own personal thing. I can go into
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: it forever and ever. I won't but yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: So now that we've kind of given you the three
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: not two types of personalities of extrovert, in avert, and introvert,
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: where do you think you lie and how does that
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: affect us today?
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: In Quarantine?
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: I will say specifically, as I said earlier, at the beginning,
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: I was kind of like, yes, I am an true introvert.
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: I cannot maintain an enlarge group. I panic from the beginning,
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: but then have to rev myself up. I put on
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: a show essentially. I think you know, you and I
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: have talked about this when I'm on, I'm on. Yeah,
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: but it is exhausting and I need like five days
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: to recoup.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, now I totally get that.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: You actually can. I can feel it physically. I am
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: so exhausted. I can sleep for days. My voice is gone.
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: Maybe because I'm always screaming. Maybe it's because I'm dancing too,
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: I don't know, but it is. It's a whole level
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: of like, oh my god, these are the things that
• 40:26
  Speaker 4: I have to do. But I'm good at it, and
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: I know how to read people enough, but it also
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: comes to the point that before I come into a situation,
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna watch your personality first and see what meshes first.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: I think that's part of my social work background as well.
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: But in quarantine times it's been kind of difficult. Like
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: I love my own space and I love being recharged,
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: but yeah, I'm like, oh oh, now, this anxiety and
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: overwhelming need to actually be around people has kind of
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: pushed me to the Okay, I'm ready for a giant
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: party with my friends where we're just all loudly speaking
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: to each other, trying to catch.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: Up, touching, maybe within three feet of each other.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: Right, Look, every time I'll look at anyone, I think
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: every time I'm watching a movie recently or TV shows,
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: like they're standing too close. Why are they standing so close?
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I know it's gonna leave a like lasting impact or sure.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: Do you think you are absolutely an extrovert or would
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: you say you're more of an ambivert line?
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: I actually i think I'm out like really strong, maybe
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: like on the very edge of ambervert an extrovert.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: I think I'm pretty strong extrovert.
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: And I actually took one of the tests yesterday and
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: out of five five being extrovert, one being introvert, I
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: got four point eight or something. But the thing is,
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: it really helps me not to reframe to correct how
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: I was thinking of it, because I, like I said,
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: I don't have to be around people all the time.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: It's the new experiences and the stimulus that I get
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: and like I can, I can write my fan fiction.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: You know days.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: But uh, it is, I've noticed it. It has worn
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: on me being in during this quarantine, right And you
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: can listen to are the mini we did recently for
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: more on that, But it's it is. I'm glad we
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: did this one because I did have a lot of
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: misconceptions and I would have said, maybe I'm more of
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: an introvert actually, and people just think I'm an extrovert.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: But you need a stimulus and I do not.
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: Yes, yep, but I think and I think for sure
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: we're talking about memes.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: You are absolutely the one I'm thinking. I want to
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: like check on your extroverts or not.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, I know, I'm just like standing at the windows.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Looking out someone someone come talk to me us.
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: Definitely check in, I mean check in all your friends because,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: like we said, it's not like it's a cake walk
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: for introverts.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Right and remember, because the anxiety and the like.
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: If we're talking about the level of the analytical side
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: of this, this is a haunting and very scary moment
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: for everyone. And it doesn't matter what your personality type is,
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: if you're optimistic, wonderful, But for an introvert who again
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: can't internalize a lot of emotions in general and that
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: may not speak out when something is wrong, is definitely
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: something this can be a problematic issue.
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's not easy for
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: anybody for sure.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: So in general, check on your peoples.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, check on all your friends, and yeah, look
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: right to us, right please, And we would love to
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: hear from you. We'd love to know where you are
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: on this extrovert introvert spectrum. You can email us or
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: email is Stuff Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia Dot. You
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: always to our super producer Andrew Howard.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you Andrew, who was an introvert for sure.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, we'd actually discussed it earlier today, and thanks to you.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: For listening stuff I've Never Told You is a production
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: favorite shows.