Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #130: Surprise, It's Your Birthday

Transcript

Happy Hour #130: Surprise, It's Your Birthday · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sandy and Samantha and welcome to staff.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you a Protection by Heart radio, and
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: today it is time for another happy hour. As always
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: with these uh, if you choose a drink, do so
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: or responsibly do whatever you're doing responsibly.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you sipping on, Samantha?
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: So, uh, since I'm not really doing many of the
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: episodes we're recording today, it's all pretty much for a
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: new like I'm doing today, so I'm gonna be drinking.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: I made myself a somach, which is mike chew, which
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: is Korean for beer, and soju, which is a Korean
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: liquor mixed together, and so yeah, I got my Korean
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: beer with soju called somach.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yes, I love it. I love it. I have a
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Gin and tonic. I was going to make something fancier
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: because actually, as this comes out, it is my birthday.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: It's not so but I'm just really hot. It's really
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: hot in Atlanta right now, but in my closet that
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I record from is like an inferno.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're definitely getting all of these heat index warnings
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: about how high the heat is. I spoke tos Soon
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: when I was like, yeah, it's not that bad right now,
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: and then August him.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: For some time that was later in the seasons.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: Defically, the hotter seasons pretty much begin like in April
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: and then never stop until about the end of mid October.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: But this year decided to start it up in like
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: July because June and May were pretty mild.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and I was feeling embarrassed. I know you
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: don't care, Samantha, but I wear like the same shirt
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: all the time because I sweat when I even here.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I get so hot and I don't want to do
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: laundry just because I run out of shirts because I've
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: come in here to record. So for the last same
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: shirt for two weeks, I fell my sweatshirt.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: We don't see much because of the way the videos positioned,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: so I don't notice, although I do know that this
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: is not the stuff Mom never told you.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: T shirt which you've been wearing for like a month.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have, And I felt like I had to
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: branch out because, like I said, I don't I'm not
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: worried about it with you because I've never for that
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: close and I don't t about it. But other like
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: meetings and stuff have happened where I realize I've been
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: wearing that shirt.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: They don't notice either.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, well I did switch it up, but yes, yes, yeah,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: so I went with the genanic because of the heat.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: But okay, this episode's gonna be interesting. It's not. I
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: wouldn't call it an unhappy hour, but kind of is.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: It's more of a gin wine, more.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Of your gin wine.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wine, I know, I know it is so hot.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: It's white's cool.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I don't have any white one. Okay, never mind, And
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'm saving my champagne for my birthday because okay, so
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I would say it was more. It's more in that realm.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: But we are going to talk about low self esteem, uh,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: body image issues, I guess, uh yeah, happy Birthday's me.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I was going to do a whole episode about Luke
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Skywalker and all of my stuff I didn't get to
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: talk about last year in the Luke Skywalker episode, but
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I thought this was more important. So that can hold.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'll do that later.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: I'll give you my happy hour, so you can do
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: that if you want.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Samantha does this all the time listeners, where she's like,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: if you want.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: To take this, I will let you like the amount
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: of subjects that you want to do, and then I'm like, yeah,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: go for it. I haven't thought of mine yet, so
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: have at it.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I will do it because I wrote that out. It's
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: been there for a year since last year.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: I mean, my happy hour comes out on the day
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: that Dragon Con happened, so it would be appropriate. I
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: have been thinking about what my happy hour would be,
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: whether or not we were to start back up with
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: A Sex and the City.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: At season three, but that might be too much. We're
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: gonna have I have to get a guest for that one. Actually,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: we do have a guest for the first episode.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I think we do have.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we do.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I forgot, Yes, Yes we do. Yes, someone from the
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: team I don't know. Okay, well, see, but I had
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: to talk about this because something happened to me recently
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: that was like the most It's not it wasn't a
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: dramedy moment, but it was like a dark sitcom moment,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: or like some kind of introspective sitcom moment, you know.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: So I had a good friend of mine come over.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: And also, if any of the friends in question or listening,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: you are like so such good friends and I'm very
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: sorry and I'm very happy that you're my friends. So
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I had a friend come over last Friday, and I
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: was exhausted because I think as we've been like running
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: to get this book out and all this other stuff,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: and I've just been so tired, and I've had like
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: a lot of little things come up, but they all
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: were building up, and I was just really exhausted, and
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: that eventually translated into me kind of doing a wine
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: with her. I was like complaining about I am so tired.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just so tired. I don't want to do anything.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: And I was talking about like I'm not even sure
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: what I like anymore because I have I'm such a
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: people pleaser that it's almost like I removed the people
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: from the equation because I'm too afraid of pleasing them.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: And because of that, like I don't know what I've
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: been doing for other people and what I'm doing for me,
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: and so I'm just like if people invite me to
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: things which they know I like, I'm always like, well
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: did I actually like that or was I just doing that?
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: And where's that performance of it all? Which you heard
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: me talk about when we did our therapy, when we
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: had those episodes about our therapy, where yeah, I just
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: was like and she seems. She seemed really surprised, and
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I was saying, this is why I love living alone.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: It is because I'm so I can't I'm always worried
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: about other people and making them mad, and like having
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: to make myself really small, and I don't like being
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: seen by other people. Like when I was trying to
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: buy in at like rent an apartment, I remember this
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: woman who was showing me around. I said, I just
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: want a place I can use a blender, and she
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: was like, I can't use a blender and I was like,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I don't want to bother anybody. They might hear it.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And she looked at me, like use that blender. And
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: she my friend was like great and listening to me,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: but I could tell like something was sort of off
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: about the thing. And I was supposed to go the
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: next day to karaoke and she was like. I was saying, like,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm so tired. I just don't want to go. And
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: it's like everyone thinks that I love that, and I'm
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: not sure if I even love that, but it's what
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I used to do for my birthday. And she was like,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: just go, you'll have a good time. I know you're tired,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: but just go go to find out it was a
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: surprise party for you. Oops. I felt horrible. I felt
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: so bad because she texted me the next day and
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: was like, how are you feeling about tonight? And I said,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm still tired, but I'm gonna go and
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: it's gonna be fun. And she was like, I'm sorry
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: that I wropped you into this thing you didn't really want. God,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I feel awful about this. So I showed up. I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: showed up a little late because I took a laft
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: since I don't drive anywhere. When the lip driver missed
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: the turn and they texted me like where are you?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And I showed up and it was the sweetest thing. Listeners,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: they're such good friends. Like they they had they had
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: it stocked with all my favorite drinks. They had two
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: pies because they don't all like pie better than cake,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: and they were my favorite flavors. Like they just they
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: went all in. It was such a nice thing. And
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: then I felt terrible and I had to think about it,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: like because it was such a it was strange. After
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: it was over, I just went home and I cried
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: and I cried and cried.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Oh no, and I was like, why is this.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It was like the sweetest thing. And I think that
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: was the point I was actually trying to make with
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: my friend though, is that I started to resent my
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: birthday because it felt like I had to do this
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: whole thing. I had to like plan it all and
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: get all the food and get all the drinks and
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: make like I would make all the the cake and everything,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: and it just became like not about me, which really
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: feels very selfish, but like it became more like everyone
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: would ask me every year, like when is your birthday?
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And it felt like they were more like when can
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: we do karaoke? Yeah? Yeah, So I think I just
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: started to resent it. But this was so nice, Like
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: they planned the whole thing. They got the room that,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: they got, the food, they got the drinks, they did
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: the whole thing. And I think not that I would
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: expect everybody somebody to do that for me every year,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: but it was so damn nice. Like I can't stress
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: how nice it was. And you've done something like that
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: for me too, where you just plan the whole thing.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: We played the last of those two, I was like
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: sobbing and living my best life because that game is sad,
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: not because anything Smith did.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Just kidding.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I did not have to know. First of all, I
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: am so lucky to have friends like you and and them.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: And I think the reason I cried was both because
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I felt like a douchebag or a poor friend who
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: was like she might not even come. But it was
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: framed in a way where it was like someone else's party.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I just want to be clear.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: They were trying to surprise you by saying, hey, we're
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: doing an event.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Then yes, can you help?
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Yes? And then I just felt like the whole time
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I'm such a jerk.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: But I also think, like that's just how low my
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: self esteem. It's like when people do nice things for me,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I just oo they hurts. I'm like, oh no, I
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: don't deserve this, why are you doing this? Oh my god?
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: But for other people, I'm like, help, I have no
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: desire to do any of this, but I must do
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: it or else we won't be friends. And I have
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: been like I have had a struggle with depression late
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: that I've been like I haven't really tired, and I've
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: been sad. I'm just sad. And I think part of
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: it though, and I hate to say it, but I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: think it's because I gained so much weight, so I
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: don't like being seen, I don't like being out and
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: and so it's sort of like, if I can get
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: out of this, I'd rather get out of it because
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I don't have any clothes that fit or like, I
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: just feel uncomfortable. But that's a real terrible reason to
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: not go have a fun time with your friends when
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: they're doing on a nice party with all your favorite things.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, my favorite songs they put on, Like
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: but it was so sweet, like they just knew me.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: And I hate that it made me feel so like
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: bad because it was like such a wonderful thing, but
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: it did, Like I just I feel like I've had
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: a really big breakthrough from that one because damn, that
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: was like really sweet. But two, like I feel like
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: during the pandemic I've had I've had the breakthrough of
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: how bad of a people pleaser I am. But I
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: haven't I haven't breached the like, well how do I
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: not do that? Like I have a figured that out.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm just removing myself from the equation. It's almost
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: like a protective thing that I'm just like, I know
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: if I go and somebody ask me to do this
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: or I'll just get caught up in it. And so
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: this was a really I really need to work on
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: that because it was really fun and it was really nice,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and I I have missed it and I hate that
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I almost didn't go to my own surprise party.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: That would have been bad.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. But it's still though,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: is like I don't I don't know for sure. I
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: do love karaoke, and I do love I'm just having
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to really sit with this and think,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: like I'm having to redefine a lot of things that
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: maybe I did love always but they got swept up
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: in the people pleasing. That makes sense.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think a lot of this too, is like
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: your interest could have changed in general, so what you
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: liked five years ago could be completely different from what
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: you like today. Yeah, So that's that's a part of
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: the conversation. Again, our bandwidth has kind of been stretched
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: so far that it's about to snap. So trying to
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: keep our sanity is also a big part of like
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: saying no or not being able to do things because
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: I missed. I missed the birthday party. I feel bad
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: because I got the invite. I was like, okay, they
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: ended up being a lot of things, and I have
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: become one of those people where like if I have
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: too many things where it's on the list of things
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: to do and I've got other things planned, yeah, I'm
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: not going to say yes to that. And I love karaoke,
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: and I was like, yeah, let's do it. And then
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, I don't have the overall strength
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: to go out. I'm like, yeah, y'all enjoy it, have fun.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: But of course I've never been offul. I was saying, no,
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: that's not been a problem for me. I'll just be like, eh, sorry,
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: this is kind of a lot easier since after the
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: pandemic for me.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: But like I enjoy karaoke.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: I missed going karaoke during the pandemic and I finally
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: got to go a while ago, and I was like, yeah,
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: this is nice. But again still like yeah, I'm good.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Though I'm good for a little while, everything changes and
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: when it comes to interest, but also knowing when we
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: can and can't do it, and and honestly, you being
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: able to say no is a part of something that
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: you haven't been able to do until recently anyway, So
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: even though you might be saying that, like, oh, self
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: esteem and I can't get this people pleasing. You got
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: one giant step in being able to say nah or
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: even changing, being able to change your mind. You've been
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: able to do.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: That too, and that's really great. Yeah, that's a huge step.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: That's a huge step because most people who are caught
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: up in that cycle can't say no and they will
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: sacrifice everything. You were doing that, and then as of recently,
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: you haven't been doing it much, which is fantastic.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, I agree, but I guess that's like,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying with the step. I've taken this
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: step and now I need to continue it because I
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: do want to go out, and I just I feel
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: like I'm so I'm still not I'm just saying no
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: all the time instead of saying yes sometime.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, say to me, that's not a problem.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: But I just get it, and I just like I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: feel bad too, because honestly, I'm sure my friend, ih god,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I hope. So if again, if any of you are listening,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I am so I love you also much. I'm so sorry,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: but like I'm having this conversation with her the night
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: before this is supposed to happen, and I'm like trying
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: to finally set up my boundaries. I can only imagine
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: what's in her head where she's like I don't want
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: to push her attack. So you know they were coming
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: in like most of them don't don't live in Atlanta,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: like long Way. I don't know. I just I feel
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: it was I'm so glad I went. It was a
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: very sweet thing. I think that also going back to
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: the low self esteem. A lot of times when something
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: is about me, like a party is about me, then
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like an open wound. I feel like everybody's
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: like seen something or like a I've tricked everybody somehow
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: or so I gotta work on that. I'm gonna work
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: on that too. But also the power of in wine,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: because it was a really good like I really do
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: think I'm gonna I needed that, and I think I'm
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: gonna I feel like it sounds so I'll like cursing myself,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: but I think I'm gonna Chaine a bit more. I
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: think that was a good push. The same thing was
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: like a good I had that conversation and then I
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: got to see that and so it felt like a
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: like the next like it was a step that I
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: good but also just a good friend is a damn
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: good friend and you cannot replace this. So thank you,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: thank you. If any of you are listening, uh, I'm
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: sorry if I stressed you out, but yes, you really
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: made my birthday every year you all do, so thank you,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Cheers, cheers listeners. If you would
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: like to write in about this, you can contact us
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: in many ways. You can email that Stefani your mom
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: one never told you. We also have a tea public store.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: And yes we do have a book that's coming out
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: or is out too now but later I don't know,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: but you can get it at stuff. You should read
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: books dot com. Thanks is always to your super producer Christina,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Steffan never told you
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: the production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,
• 19:15
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• 19:17
  Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows