Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #253 We Almost Burnt The House Down

Transcript

#253 We Almost Burnt The House Down · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: How often would you say that you've accidentally hurt your child.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I do this thing with Lola. I have to show you.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: But I hold her and I swing in front of me,
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: two hands in front of me, and I swing it
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: to the left and I let go kind of like
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: so my right hand pushes down on.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Her leg and then she spins around my arm or
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: like a flip, like a flip, and she's holding on
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: No, she's more so just like so like my arm
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: is like under her arm pitched okay, and so she
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: like rotates around my hand.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's a bit, it's dangerous.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: There's been a couple of times where I've almost dropped
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: her on her head.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Oh god, even she's a bit like I accidentally punched
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Oscar in the face accident. Yes, it was a pure accident.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I do want to make sure Oscar's okay. But first,
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie Jay
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: and I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: And you would never ever ever hear us do one
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: thing on this earth, and that is give advice.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, because Ash is about to tell us how
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: he punches Todd. What happened? Ah, he's obsessed with footy,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: as you know, obsessed. So he what he does is
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: he runs from his bedroom and jumps, and being that small,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: it's actually really fun, jumps onto the couch head first
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: with a ball, preferably like he's scoring a try. Okay,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: like he's Topu Coola. In other words, he's lord and
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: savior for people not familiar. Winger for manly. Yeah, he's
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: the center for manly and his Oscar's favorite person on earth.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: He goes Topu cola me anyway, So he was doing
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: that and I sat down where he would usually run
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: from the other room, and I moved the pillow that
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: was there, and I sat where the pillow was, and
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I saw him coming and I was like, oh, and
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: he seen me aimed up for the pillow here, but
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't know he was aimed for the pillow. I
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: grabbed the pillow to move it so that he could
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: fall onto the couch, perfectly, trying to help him, trying
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: to help the guy out. So I've got a you picture,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: my hand, a handful of pillow, perfect timing. He's dived
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: headfirst into my fist. Can't make this shit up straight
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: into my fist? When did you get him with the
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: chin on the cheek, straight in the eye? Good? And
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: then I was like it startled him and then he
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: was like I wasn't sure what to do and I
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: wasn't sure what to do, and April was like, I
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: witnessed it. It's fine. It was an accident, just in
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: case he goes to school with a black eye or
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: something and if anyone from school's listening, you see hit
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the poor kid's eye was an accident, swollen, thankfully, it
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: had like a little bruise here for a beer, but
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: not enough to be ice pack yeah, oh yeah, and
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: a band aid.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Can I just quickly shiit on ice packs for a second?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: They melt just kids want them so badly until they.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Have them and they realize they're cold.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like any injury, Like I did the rough play
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: with the kids, and every now and then, you know,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: like just touch a kid strail.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: We're all human. They forget that. I'm like nearly one
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: hundred cakes. If I roll on one of these kids
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: good night. Like there's times where I'm like I go
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: to roll over and I hear this kid oh, mate,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: you need to make way for me, like the whale
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: from what's that movie the Shark's tail, Sharks Tail. Anyway,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: He's fine, h I A or good ice packs?
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Fucking hell, you don't want an ice pack? And they're like,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: you give me the ice pack and they're like yeah,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: they're like.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: D't I'm cold, No ship, you got a block of ice,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: like on something that doesn't need a block of ice. Anyway,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: it is, Matt. I don't know if you're aware of this.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: It's the most important day of the year every four years,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: like the Olympics to all things come in four years
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: apparently Olympics, World Cups, Census, ah fuck, I know, and
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: arguably this is the least entertaining of them. April surely
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: would have done it.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh that's not comfortable.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Just for the listeners out there, if you're hearing this,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: it's too late. You've missed. We're so sorry. Sorry, we
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: should have done it last week.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: As a reminder, I I mean, it's not getting done
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: in my household. I got the letter and the letter
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: went into the pile of like the abyss.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: The family file, Yeah yeah, yeah, underneath the fruit ball
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: whenever there and it was just like.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: The Land of the Forgotten.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: It was like, hell, there are so many fines in
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: that thing, but I hired them onnder things away. It
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: doesn't see them. She's just like, doesn't go that far
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: into the pile, but censors on the top. Beau. Apparently
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: it's so fucking important.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Nana was like, we must do the census, and we're like,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: shut up, Nana.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Don't they have enough information on us? Yeah? What more
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: do you want? I've got it all. Surely, surely you're.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: All tapping into our phones anyway.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: But there's like the examples of questions, what have I
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: even ask.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: I don't know where we got VIC.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: So there's gender ancestry, long term health conditions, job, Australian
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: Defense for Sexual orientation and job.
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: So I actually saw a.
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: Reel on this yesterday, and you've got to be really
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: specific about your job, especially if you work in the
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: arts and entertainment.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to know anything more about me there.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: I think it has to do with funding, so.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: They can tax to you.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: We need more money, we need help, we have more
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: money or problems, I say, Matt.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: So it said, if you're a freelancer, don't just write freelancer, right,
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: freelance writer or freelance I'm.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Going to write CEO of freelancers.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Well instead of being a podcaster because everyone's always like
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: to say I'm an artist.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Because should we go with artists? Yeah, it's like Cedric
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: the entertainer. I'm going to wrap this up. Let me
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: wrap this up. But anyway, Censorus, get it done. Well,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: don't get it down in four years. Good luck next time. Yeah. Honestly,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I think if you missed it, you dodged a bullet.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: What are they going to do?
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: Get they find you?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, if they know enough about being to find me,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: then no, I'm not doing it.
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: It's for science.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: Fuck you got me on that. It's for religious reasons.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Science done.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: I got a little bit excited and I pulled the
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: trigger on a conversation that didn't need to be had.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: But not again.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Alie inquired about I can't remember.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: What she said.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: We got on the topic of puberty periods. I think
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I may have brought it up myself.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Thinking we had that. And if you're wondering what we're
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: talking about here, we're talking about episode two forty two
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: with Jackie from the Nourished Cycle. Go back and listen
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: to it, give it to your husband, send it to
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: like thirty people.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: And I probably needed to do a refresher before. I
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: was like, let me, I can't sit down. I'll tell
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: you all about it. It was during breakfast and I
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: started talking through what I remember recalled as the facts,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: and I looked over at Laura to get just a
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: lot of like approval, like well.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Done, dad.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: I was like the thing about you got all the eggs,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: and the eggs come down, and when they come them
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: down there, I'd like, I'll shaken.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I was doing my best. That's what you can do best.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: And Laura was like, let's make sure we're on the
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: same page before we start going down this route.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: I got a little bit excited.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, do you recall anything that you might do well.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I was just like, you know, I was like, the
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: cycle is you got the eggs, they're already in your
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: and they're coming.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Out, and then you're like, technically they were in Laura too.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: What she was like, hang on a sex you wrapping
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: a head around that. And I was like a bit
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: of blood, like I thought I was doing the right thing.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I think you were doing the right thing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: And sometimes I no, no, you can say too much
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: that's not needed at that particular moment.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: I'm learning because they'll.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Pick out the bits that you're like, I probably didn't
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: need to do that yet. They'll pick out those bits
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: what they remember, like the blood, Yeah.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Sheeap breakfast, she's going to go to school, and like,
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: just reverberate.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be a good dad. You're going
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: to try.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: I'm trying.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You're gonna try any other dads out there being like me, No,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I mean you. The thing is you try to You
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: did the right thing. You actually punch. You punch your
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: kids accidentally. Don't say too many times. People in this building.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I know the neighbors are like, hello, police, we're surrounded
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: by therapists. They'll be like, oh, I can help.
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: What did Marley say?
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: She was pretty confused? Did she leave more confused?
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: And then Laura was like wrap this up, wrap this up?
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: So then I kind of was like, who was more complex?
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I did a little divat I'm not divert diva.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Divert, divert, divert whatever. It's the same thing I'm not
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: obviously makes He's a lot younger, so I've got time
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: to prepare. But I won't prepare because I don't prepare
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: for anything, so I don't even know how I remember.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: April was actually April was like what did you learn?
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know, Like I do know,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: but it's obviously I forget so much that I didn't
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: really listen. I haven't really listened yet.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Well, when Macie is ready to have that conversation, give
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: me a call, I'll drive over.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: You'll be I'll gladly have it with her.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You'll be an expert at that say. I'll just give
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: it the episode. You can work it out there. You
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: can work it out from there. There's some amazing news
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: a friend of the show, Renee Gartner. She's done a
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: little bit of work with an NRL but I used
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: to do a podcast with her last year for NRL.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: But she has some amazing news. They've been trying for
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: years to have kids, operations, the whole bit. It was
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: starting to get them down. But good news is she
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: is pregnant and expecting.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Yes, well, which is amazing because exciting news. How far
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: along is.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: She from memory? Just a bit over the three month
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: mark from memory could be wrong.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: You know that's going to go so quick for us yeah,
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: for us, going to be quick for her, not people.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know what it is about pregnancies.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Now, I'm literally like, you just announced it yesterday and
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: then now the nine month mark.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: For me, it fucking goes so quick. Once it's sort
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: of out of you direct thought, you're like, oh, and
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: then you'll see me again. You're like, wow, I.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Know I can't, I shouldn't say it, but I'm always like,
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: that was quick.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Right, I know. It's such a It's like, oh, sometimes
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I go to say something like that and I'm like
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I'll stop myself and go, oh, you must be exhausted.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: That's good of them. Wow, you're massive.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: It goes quick because by the time you tell people
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: it's after that three month mark and then six months late,
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: like six months like that.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so there you go. Guards it's going to go
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: just like that. Congratulations and best of Like I think
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: she's going to be an amazing mum. She's one of
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: the best people I know. I would say, excuse me,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I said one off, guys, one of don't maybe change
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: that to be one of what do we go next?
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: We got some messages, No, yeah, messages.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Actually, I do want to say a few people messaging
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: on the Facebook group Soman the Porter, I said happy birthday.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I also will add to that and say happy birthday
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: Sophie as well as written happy birthday, lots of happy birthdays.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Everyone's favorite Sea Eagles, die hard fan Northern Beach is
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: fun dad and author slash podcaster Ash Wicks. Wow, that's
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: a lovely message from Sophie I did. I will put
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: my hand up and say apologies.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I forgot you. Didn't forget this.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: It was your birthday. We celebrate it last week. Even
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: VIC gave you the President. I thought that's weird that
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Vic was late on the birthday present.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the biscuits. Viick birth trying to give
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: me diabetes. You know, I've just lost peopleway and now
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: you're trying to put like I like them on your fat. Well.
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: I got a whole variety.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: But after we had that biscuit breaking news about Australia's
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: best biscuit, wanting to have some in the office ever since,
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: so I got an assorted family pack of the cream biscuits,
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: two types of tim Tams, and the caramel Crown because
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: I believe you brought that up.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: It's a caramel crown.
• 11:27
  Speaker 5: Well, we'll try it later right now.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is not sponsored Okay, Carol Caramel crowns. Okay.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So it is a layer of gooey caramel covered in
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: melt in your mouth biscuit dipped in smooth real milk shop.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had what?
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: I'll have one later.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I wanted to get your Just have a bite.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to have one.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: It's his birthday.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: Actually he's got to do what he says.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: He's like, oh, my body's a temple.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: It's because I'm not going to have one because he
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: looks so good.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna have one.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: It's because then I've got I'll have the residue in
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: my mouth.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: And can you guys stop pressuring me into just put
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: it in your mouth. Just pop it in your mouth.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Big Boy's delicious. Do you know what that is? That's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: a Twigs Yeah pretty much.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a Twigs.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I think the twigt is a bit more biscuity, you
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's a bit more crunch in
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: the biscuits. Thank you. Ash.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Another message from Samantha. Can I do last names as well?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: I won't, I'll do first name. She says this cannot
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: be real. Lo Ash, you were not that small?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Low double lole you double lot my high. It's a photo.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: It's a photo of Ash.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: I am that short with Ben Knight, who was on
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Monday's episode.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I am that short though. It's not photoshops.
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: I know I forgot to photoshop.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tell the list looked very small there. Well, I
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: remember the first shoot we did. I had to stand
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: on a sandbag.
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: That's right, Ben is tall.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Yeahs for making me feel better.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Guys, you sink five eleven.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Five ten, I'm shrinking. Oh my god, one ten and
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: a half. That's like you're six to one and a half.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you. People who are six.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: Would say someone did think that maybe the reason you
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: wear hats is for the height.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you do actually get like an extra centimeter
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: with a hat. It wasn't the plan. What are you
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: hiding under the motion? I shocked. I didn't wear a
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: hat in that episode. Yeah, that's why. That's like it.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: You got nice hair, Thank you. Vic.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: You'd be happy to know that Dan has finished at
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: my house. He was very well behaved. Nothing untoward was
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: happening between him and Nana.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: How many teas did he clock up? Mate?
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: This morning was the last morning that Dan was there,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: and I literally like came down the stairs.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: He was like morning.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: And then Nana was because I was joking about it
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: on the other podcast, so she was a little bit
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: self conscious and she was.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Like, give down the tea.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you give him the tea. You
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: made the tea him the team, and she's like, no,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: just kive it, like you give it a jam.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I don't want to. He's got to give them the
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: goss And I was like, just now, I go out
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: and give it to him.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: She's like to give it to him, but she was
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: very upset, as you can imagine that he has gone.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: But he did a great job.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you a quick look.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Ash. She's lost the person and she's taken care of
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: the most I know.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: So that is the before working out in the backyard.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: That's the before scroll to the right.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: And the after. WHOA, yeah, nice job, nice nice and clean.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you very good. He's done a sensational job.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: So in the backyard, had the old pavers they were
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: like black with mold, clean to the pavers, a little
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: bench that was all like rotted away.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Pulled that out.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Then there's no fucking pavers underneath that. So I'm like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: can you repave that? And he goes, I can do anything.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: He re rendered the wall, painted the walls, also did
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: the curtains upstairs. He's just like he.
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: Can do everything, like he is really good.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: He is he can do anything anything like that's I
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: fucking dream of having that ability, Like even do you
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: know what he.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Would have had and years of experience. If you had
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: the same experience, you would pick up things.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: I know, but annoyingly because I was like, I'd help
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: him out like a tiny bit, and then I have
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: to come to work. But I did think I wish
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I could shadow him for a full day.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: He would love that.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, okay, I would hate that. You're like, what
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: you doing now? I need I would love to be
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: taught that stuff. Okay, well you can still.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: Do his next career.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: Even like teaching dads how to do around the house.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: That's like, no one taught me.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like hire a hobby that come in and
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: do it. They coming and teach the husband how to
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, it's kind of insulting though. Imagine if
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: your wife is like, hey, I've got Dan coming in
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: who's going to teach you how to do this?
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: That what?
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Even the other night I was in bed, as I do,
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: I have my little scroll before I go to sleep,
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: and the video that I was watching was someone giving
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: it to Tori on the difference between a screwdriver like
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: a drill and an impact Is it.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Called an impact an impact drill?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Impact drill?
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: And Laura was like, go on, what is it?
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Well, the impact drill like hits it, so it goes
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: in further whilst also screwing.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: It's like a slide.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: It's hard talk. Yeah, and Laura was a good gear.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: Laura was like, what are you doing? And I was
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: like dreaming, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Just leave a man alone when he's watching something with
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: this much talk.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: She was like, a what world we ever used that?
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, that's my dream.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: You'll never know if you don't buy it. Yeah.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: My dream is to one day need to have an
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: impact drill and use it to something.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I will just get one for like the use it
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: for the things you would just use a screwdriver. It's
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: like that's putting flat packs together.
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: For the female listeners, can you explain what talk is?
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Talk is the revolutions of the revolutions.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Talk is of the drill. It's a bigger engine.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's more talk than a regular drill. I'm not
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: sure if you saw. But someone who we were aspire
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: to one day have on the pod whenever he visits
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: the country is how To Dad. His name's Jordan. I've
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: met him before. Yeah, I mean him the f one,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: very funny, lovely. He's a dad, honestly, like the only
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: one way to describe him when he's a fucking dad.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: He is a thoroughbred dad. It's like he was born
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: a dad. He's come out and it's like he's got
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: a couple of kids with him. He's got great legs,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: flip flops. He also like done some stuff like training
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: with the All Blacks and all sorts of stuff. He's
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: a man anyway. He put a little video up which
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: was a very stark reminder of how immature people can be.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: What happened kids sport, which we spoke about the other day,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: started about dance.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is with parents abusing each other and
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: the referee, and he's.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: The Americans who did that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: It's spled out a rereading. I see, like like a
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: basketball court in America or NFL, the very passionate and
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: the passion of.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: The American parents. If you're an American listening to this
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: right now, I think you're great within reason, but doesn't
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: because my kids don't do Molly's just stat of netball,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: but we're not really doing sports with his referees.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So my friend of mine is from Nebraska and
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: he was American. Well, good spun. You know, there's like
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: four hundred million of them, so they're around. But he
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: was saying early doors with sports, like in American sports
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: like the NFL, NBA, the coaching with these kids is
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: so intense, so early. Like he was saying that one
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: of his friends who played college football when he was
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: a kid, his dad would lock him in a completely
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: dark room with a random laser and what it would
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: do he would have to essentially the laser hits the wall.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: He would have to make sure he hits that spot
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: like reaction time. And he we're talking like seven year olds.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Is this mission impossible? Right? But that's how early they
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: start them for those reactions. That's child abuse. Oh absolutely,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: But have you ever watched like some of these tag
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: NFL kids play crazy and one of these parents are passionate.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: They're mental. Yeah, but we're like, we're talking casual sport
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: over here. Like in New Zealand. As far as I know,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I think there's netball and some union that has been
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: canceled for kids or because of the parents, which I
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: think is not fair.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: So what was how too Dad.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Saying his video was about that you need to just
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: chill the fuck out, Like, come on, there's a kid
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: sports video good a New Zealand.
• 19:15
  Speaker 6: Look, I don't usually swear in my videos, but if
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: you are those parents that like to come along to
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: Saturday morning sports games and swear at the referees, hurl abuse,
• 19:26
  Speaker 6: yell at the kids, just downright shit behavior on the sideline,
• 19:31
  Speaker 6: well you know what, you can off my kids netball
• 19:35
  Speaker 6: this weekend. No spectators are allowed within the courts because
• 19:39
  Speaker 6: of some dickhead parents. I've also seen instances of rugby
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: clubs have canceling all Saturday rugby because of dickhead parents
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: on the sideline. You know who you are, the other
• 19:50
  Speaker 6: people that have some kind of dip down issues that
• 19:53
  Speaker 6: you need to get on top of, and you vent
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: it and let it out at young kids, volunteer referees,
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: some teenage volunteer referees on weekends.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: That's what gets you going Saturday morning.
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: Oh well, so again a few of those kind of
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: appearents who are ruining it for you right now, so
• 20:09
  Speaker 6: you can off.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: He's got a good he's got a good funck off,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: doesn't he He's got a good way of telling people.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Also, like I kind of felt like I was being
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: told off just then. I don't do anything wrong. I
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: really did watch my behavior.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Have you been to any sports like Oscar? I'm thinking
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: he played, he plays soccer, plays rugby. Have you been
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: to any matches on the weekend where someone's had to
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: go at the rev?
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: So just just this weekend, we were playing a home
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: game for us. So the other team, who will remain nameless,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: they got a flog. And by the way, so there
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: was one of our kids on our team. Okay, who
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, keep in mind there's seven. Okay, he's quite
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: a bit of a brute. He's a bit of a brute.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: He's just a bigger build. He would be great at footy.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: He loves playing soccer. He's on the other team, sorry,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: on our team, on our team, so it's a bit
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: of a brute, which we love because he's just boots
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the ball like he's just got a good kick on him. Okay,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: again there's seven.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Every team's got one kid who's like the kicking kid.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he kicked a kid and the ref it was
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: it was competing for the ball because it's soccer. It's soccer,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: it just comes that's tennis line. He's like coming on
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: to kick it. Yeah. Anyway, he's kicked a kid going
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: for the ball and the ref stopped. It was like like,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: we can't do that. You get a free kick whatever.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: It's under seven's for god's sake. Anyway, it happened again,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: but not as bad. The kids sort of saw him
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: come and threw himself to the ground as well, right
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: the sideline in front of everyone. Anyway, the balls sort
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: of trickled out. Oscar's got it from where it's ended
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: up and shot from the sideline. It's gone in amazing goal,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: great goal. Anyway, the parent it must have been of
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: that kid pipes up and he was like, oh, it's
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: fucking worth and it was like the ref was one
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: of our coaches who doesn't take any ship either. He's
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: like yeah, what essentially, and the guy's like that goal
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: shouldn't count, like fu fully going at him, and the
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: referee turned around and said, good news, mate, I don't
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: count any of the goals because they're fucking seven. We're
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: all standing there, and I was like, literally I was
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: doing the substitutes next to him, and I was like, oh,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: that's embarrassing. And then we were like. The game ended
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: shortly after, and I was like, my biggest thing with
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: these kids because I'm not the coach, I'm the interim coach.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I'm the filling. I'm like, you're shaking hands regardless of
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: what happens here. And I over exaggerated that to show
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: how good of a sport we are and how bad
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: of a sport he is. And I was like, make
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: shaking hand. Everyone's shaking hands. Someone going to shake that
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: guy's hand like fully like and then we just like
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: by passed out. But thankfully it was diffused by how
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: stupid he is and some common sense from a referee.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: I've seen footage on social media parents parents have opposing teams.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so my mate Beno's congratulations, They said, baby,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: he coached his son's team last year. He said, you'll
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: never do it again. He was like, it was great,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: we were you know, a majority of parents were really
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: really good, but he was like, mate, fucking punch on. Wow. Yeah,
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: so he had what is wrong with the world. It's
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: kids sport. I get the passion. I understand the competitiveness,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it's like.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Although nepples just started, so I don't want to like,
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: let's just i'll give you guys pose it on how
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I get on the side.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Like April's pretty aggressive, but she's positively aggressive. She's always
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: she's all for encouragement, but it sounds like it's like
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: she's sledging you a bit nicely. She's like, yeah, you
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: did a good job. Whoa. But like, you know, majority
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: of parents are fine, but there are like my mate
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: and I just sent a kid off because this kid
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: was kicking everyone anyway. He got kicked by another kid,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: and my mate, who was the referee, was like, that's
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: what happens, bro, that's what it feels like, like you know,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: and he hits the eight year old turn around and
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: said fuck off.
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: I have heard there's now signs up at sports games
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: for kids warning parents of their behavior.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there has been. It's not this is not a
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: new thing, of course, but it's like now everything is
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: so public with social media, why would you run that
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: risk that someone's going to take a video of you
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and put it online.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know if when I was a kid growing up,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I don't remember any of that at all. Like maybe
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: maybe it's just because it was all having on the
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: sidelines and I was so focused on the field.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: So before we move on, we just want to say,
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: if you're a parent attending kids sport, please be well behaved, respectful,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: respectful to the kids, the players, the coaching staff, the referees.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Goodness me, if the kid was better behave than you
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: in that situation, take a look at yourself realistically, Matt.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: We have been sent a video from a Dota tany
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: is it?
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: Ella?
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Grace's close. I was so close either one of those
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: to send us a video or she's on the mind
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: at the moment, or she's on or she's on the mind,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: or of the house. She's in the mind, or she's
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: in the mound. She should make a song a jingle,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: because a jingle, Yes, and they're everywhere in my house.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I can't fucking escape them. But someone send us a
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: solution for those ushies. You would like to watch the video.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, it's one of those claw games, but it's a
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: miniature version that you put the ushies in so you
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: can That's actually pretty cool is that it came up.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: My kids were doing this last night. But manually the
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: claw game, that's great. How much of that actually from
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: cam I came probably like five bucks. Well they're going
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: to check out it adds up to fifty. Yeah, you
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: gotta like, yeah, it'll be like you could buy a
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: few of them. But my kids were doing something similar
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: like that, but manually last night. So am I going
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: to get in one of them with their hand? Yeah,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: they'll close your eyes. That's kind of fun.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Ash you may have seen recently, I've been feeding my child, Poppy,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: who was eleven months, and we were told on a
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: previous episode with Jewels from the bable he's a nutritionist
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: that babies with baby led weening can have sardines.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, now I've gone to get.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: The sardines and just my luck headline and vicnam to
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: treade on your turf. Supermarket shells stripped bear of sardine's
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: as prices sore overnight. Hey what the affordable pantry staples
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: disappearing at the moment my eye and they're.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Increasing as much as thirty percent. The fish are rolling
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: in it.
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: They must have listened to the pod I.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Must, do you think?
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Do you think there's a connection there?
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: But apparently there's.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Shortage of sardine. There's just like you can't get it.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: My mom's gonna be filthy.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: You can't get anymore.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: So now it's just I'm stuck with the chops. I
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: don't like the idea of them calling it a pantry staple.
• 26:34
  Speaker 7: I know it's that's a bit like okay, flower, sure, peanut, butter, veggimi,
• 26:39
  Speaker 7: sardine No, that's a stretch.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I know. I feel like other than feeding your child
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: sardine's the only people who eat them are like my mom. Literally,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: my mom's like did you hear? I know my mom
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: as well. It was like, quick, quick, come here the news.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, what is it? She goes, there's a shortage.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: We should buy some fishing rods quick. Speaking of news, Victoria.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Well I've got some happy breaking news this week. Cameron
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: Diaz has welcomed a baby number three at fifty three.
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: That's it, Come on, yeah, Little Naughtouse Madden was born
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: last week, joining two year old brother Cardinal just one second.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: One, we'll just go back.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: We retrace real quickly, wind it back. What was that? Saye?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: N A U t U S.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: And the other one is two year old brother Cardinal,
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: and the other one and six year old sister Radix Radix, Radix, wildflower.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Radix Cardinal and naughtous. That is fucking spicy too less
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: that is spicy. Nortous is like nautiless, Cardinal sin and
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Radix is like a type of sated.
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: Oh god, anyway, this is the bit I find really interesting.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Diaz was forty seven, fifty one, and now fifty three
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: when she welcomed.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: Each of her children.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: So dementia's the reason for those names.
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: All three births made possible through surrogacy.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's like good.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure she's going to have a lot
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: of help given how much money she's got, But goodness, me,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: a newborn at fifty three, I'm not for me.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's hell.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: Well, she said after a long fertility journey, it's a
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: pretty special ending. And the star now says the only
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: pressure for me is now that I have to live
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: to be one hundred and seven. That's a lot of pressure,
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: which is sort of a joke, but sort of like,
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: I don't know, is that where science is going?
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: But like when I mean sometimes you look at what
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: was that fucking show with the old grannies, the Golden
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Golden gold Girl.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: You remember the Golden Girls, and apparently they were like
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: forty I know, they were part of that Hollywood scene
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: at the time where it was like I would probably
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: just bendering the whole time.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Even someone had a photo of the Sopranos and they're
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: like that was film current day. Then Tony Soprano would
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: be born in nineteen ninety, so we're the same age,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I imagine, maybe older than like people are looking amazing
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: at the moment. Whatever everyone's doing, definitely won's But imagine
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: being your kid's seventeen and she's going to be seventy.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: That's like you're not going to be around for your grandkids.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: I was thinking, like, as the oldest parent.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Of the group here, no need to brag about it.
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: I mean, I wish I could.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: How well were you vic when you go birth to to.
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: Louis, Oh to Lily?
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Oh God?
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: I was thirty six when I had Louis and thirty
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: eight when I had Lily.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: But Dan was forty and forty two.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Which I actually think is quite normal.
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah, these days, these days, it's very normal.
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: But if I had my time again, I mean both
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: of us would have loved to have children much earlier, because,
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: as you know, it takes everything.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: Out of My back is constantly.
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: I'm so tired all the time, and I just keep
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: the king. If I was younger and more energetic, I
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: probably would have more energy.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: You have the stamina and the maturity that you have. Now, yeah,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: you've got to earn this. But fifty three, I mean not,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: you know, not for me. No, I think. I mean,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I'm sure those kids will have a happy, healthy life.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: But was there a reason why they waited too long
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: or was it just a career and stuff like that.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: I think she had a fertility battle, but I think
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: they did find it hard.
• 30:24
  Speaker 5: He's a bit young. I think he's.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: From good Charlotte Joel. How old are the nannies and
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: the chef? And that's the next thing. Look, congratulations each
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: of their own. But I honestly, I suppose it's just changing.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Everything's changing. How old was al Pacino had a kid recently?
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: Eighty something?
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a problem. That is a problem. That is
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: a problem. Was that a mistake that was planned planned?
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, those Hollywood actors.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Planned pregnancy in your seven Who knows where it will
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: be the next g direction. People will be ninety and
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: still popping our kids. Yeah that's crazy. Wel congratulations and
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: get the names changed. Um moving on, we're out of housekeeping.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Now, Ash, you teased it last episode, but I want
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: to know how life is for you now that April
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: returned from her beautiful trip in Barlet, oh much better.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: She came back. She was super pumped. She had a
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: great time, so it was like she left more tan faked.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: She faked it. She faked it so much so that
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: she's repelled the sun altogether. She came back, she looked refreshed,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: She had a great time, a lot of laugh So
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: that's what I was hoping for with her and her friends,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: because she hasn't been anywhere without the kids the whole time,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: really all without me at least. But she had a
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: great time. She's back into the swing of things, back
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: at the gym immediately. The hardest part about solo parenting
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: has been outnumbered severely. You know what it's like to
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: be outnumbered. So there's things that I felt like I
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: had a pretty good judge on the whole thing. There
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: were a couple of moments that would beg to differ.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: I would say the first one is early doors makes
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: he nearly burnt the house down because she was putting
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: things in the heater and there wasn't two of us
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: to supervise that situation.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: What's the what heater is set up?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Have you got first a first time having gas? First winter?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Having gas is game changer? Game changer. Absolutely, whole house
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: smells like gas. I love it, but actually shouldn't though,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: should it? That's concerning where am I? Seriously no wonders.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: She started putting fucking toys. So it's got it's like
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: your one at home. It's got the bottom grill where
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: the air comes out of, okay, and it's not like
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: an open flame erything like that, but it just pushes
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: the air out and it does get really hot down there. Yeah,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: that's the kids, that's the heat. Saw some woeld say.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: The kids come out of the bar and they sit
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: there and get changed in front of the heat. See
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: that's what's The kids do everything in front of the
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: heater now because the'redicted to it. But I turned the
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: heater on. I was like, sweet, no worries, and then
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden I started to smell a bit
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: of plastic burning. I was like, oh, oh, fuck, you've
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: turned into April. Laura was always like, is that burning?
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: Burning?
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: Plastic is such a specific smell stings.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: I feel like women are really honed into that smell.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: My mom's like a blood had canaries.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: Canaries. Yeah, good reference, but yeah. I was like, yeah,
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: that's plastic. I know my plastics. I smoked a lot
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: of bongs in my time. Anyway, it started the bottom.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, the bottom of the heat is starting
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: to smoke a little bit. I look in there and
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: a little pink cowboy hat from a Barbie Dolls and
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: jammed in there, and I was like, what the fuck,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: Like I've already acted like the house is burning down.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I got no one there to calm me down. The
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: kids are flipping out. Well it makes his like and
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, you're gonna put like you know
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: sometimes you just thinks just come out of mouth, like
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: you gonna burn the house down.
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: And she was like.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: Like just like I was like, fucking that was day one,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: so I've nearly burnt the house.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: It's like that episode of Simpsons and Marge leaves for
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: a bit, comes home and they barricaded themselves.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. I was like, I'm back and
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: the house is all charmed. That was the day one.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And then we got over there. I thought, okay, that's okay.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: House is fine. I've got the cowboy hat. I got
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the fucking chop six out and got the cowboy. At first,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: I was worried I better not like you know, when
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: people to say don't put things in a toaster. I
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: was like, what can I put in there without electric myself? Six?
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: So I thought, thank you bamboo, some of the finest bamboo.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: So that we got over that, and then I thought, okay, well,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: the only way I'm going to be able to get
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: these kids to do what I say and there without
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: having to battle all the time is just run a
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: new parenting style I called sob story going, where every
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: time I needed something done, I would lean on the
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: fact wor I'd be like, oh, come on, it's just
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: it's just dad here. Dad's all alone here, like really
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: build up the narrative of how sad I am that
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: I missed Mum and I need you to help me.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: That's good. Communications worked a fucking treat. I would say
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: anyone out there that's facing a stint as single parent,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: or that you're the kids, feel guilty, make him feel guilty,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: manipulate that.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: Did you fake cry?
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I couldn't bring myself to fake.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Sometimes do it.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: That's a real cry man. Pressure today. You don't understand
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: the sort of pressures I have to get you to
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: pressure teeth anyway.
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: So I actually started crying this morning in front of Louis.
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: Then he laughed at me.
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: He started laughing.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: You tell Louis if he does that one more time,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I'm coming over there and he's going to get a
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: stern talking to from me.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: But also like good to just like change the moods.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: He probably didn't know what to do, Like Oscar. When
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I'm giving Oscar a decent dressing gown, he starts smiling,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: smile at me. He's like, I can't help it. I
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: was like, you forget that at that age you can't
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: control your response, just things like that, Like yeah, but.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Also sometimes when I'm fighting with Laura, I just like
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: just to break the eyes. I just can't give it
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: that look to get it a smile.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: We like we all do that. Heyefril goes, I'm not
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: in a laughing mood. Okay, then in a laughing mood,
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I'm laughing, and I'm like, I thought you were in
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: a loving mood.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: And then next thing you're having sex.
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the next thing, she's on top. Anyway, I did that.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: That was all going well until the last two days
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: where I got in trouble from the kids because I
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: was you got in trouble. Yeah, the last day before
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I were I sent them to school with the wrong lunchboxes.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I swapped him over. Yeah yeah, see none parents out
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: there like big, that's that's a big fucking straight to jail.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: So yeah, right to jail. I got a stern talking
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: to from a seven year old and then a four
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: year old in that afternoon, and I was like, look, guys,
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure that's
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: been yelling at me at work.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: And then it was the story, I won't do it again, problems,
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: we've run out of chopsticks, and they were like, they
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: were like, it's okay, it's fine, Well, it's okay, don't cry.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: And then I won't do do it again. So the
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: next day I did it again. Do you have to
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: say I'm the worst dad ever? Nah? No, use that line?
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: Really, I yeah, I've done that.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah No, I'm too worried.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: Get a new one.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm just the worst dut in the world.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I'm worried about doing that because they'll be like, yeah
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: about tomm you No no, no, no, no, no, trust me, Okay.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: I mean it's very toxic, and it's I'm all about
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: what the old the generation do whenever you pull them
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: up on anything.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: I know my mom, But now I'm like, now I
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: get it. While they would say that line, just yeah,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: just just manipulate them and if you've.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Got the lunch boxes, I'll just pack my stuff up
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: and get out of this house because I'm fucking useless.
• 37:36
  Speaker 6: Is that?
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying. It's fine, It's just like
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I was going to cry, and then I said, okay,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: I won't do it again. And I did it again
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: the next day, but this time I did it slightly differently,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: because they're those on purpose or accident that this was
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I was really trying. This time. I was like, I
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: can't do that again because that's embarrassing.
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: Did you only realize at the end of the day
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: when they told her.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: When I got it out of the school bag and
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: realized that why is Oscars lunchboxing makes his school bag
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: vice versa.
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: Did they eat it?
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: No, like bits, the bits that they would normally eat.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: So the next morning I'm making lunches and it's one
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: of those ones where you can take the lid off,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: wash the lid separately, so the different colored leads. One's yellow,
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: one is purple. Okay, yellow is Oscar, Purple is Macy,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: thank you, okay, and I accident, but the handles are
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: meant to correlate with the lead color. Okay, I didn't
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: even think about that. I just put the lids back
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: on and sent him. Get home that day, Open up
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: the bag and Oscar's standing there and he goes, yeap
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: again you did. And then he was like, co fucking
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: time it looked at me, purple handle of purple he
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: looked at He looked at how many fucking times it's
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: hard to find good help? He goes, I wish mom
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: was here me too, Now go to your fucking room.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I quit the sob story after that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: Could he do?
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: It'd just be a lunch box full of tiny teddies?
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: Fuck?
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Other than that pretty solid. Actually, one last thing and
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: this is this is you're involved in this. So I
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: was had a birthday party on the weekend that April
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: wasn't there, so I've dropped Macy off poppers to take
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: him to this indoor soccer wasn't an appropriate place for
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Macy to be with a bunch of boys kicking a
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: ball around. So I went and it wasn't with a
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: group of people that I know. It was with a
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: group of people that Oscar knows and April has. But
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: she's a way, so someone's going to go, So I'm
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: gonna go. And you know how much I fucking hate people?
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Other people?
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: You do?
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I hate other.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: People unless you're a Dodo, then I love it.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: But like I just I just want to be left alone.
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: This is why the dods don't want to come up
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: to you.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Oh sorry, no, in those situations, great, but I don't
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: want to be stuck at a two hour party with
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: a bunch of people I don't know, because I'm like,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: what do I do with my hands? It's a lot.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know, running on a treadmill. Anyway, So
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I was there and this guy struck up some small
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: talk with me, and I thought, this is the perfect
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: opportunity to use one of Maddie Jay's classic jokes, what
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: do you go for? I went with. He was like,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: which which kids yours? And I said, oh, none of them,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just here for the spectacle. And it was like, what.
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: Do you know?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I was joking and he's good kid, and I was like, no, no,
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: that one over there, and I sent the rest of
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: the time in the cards. Yeah. No, I spent the
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: whole two hours going that was dumb, that was dope.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: And then in the shower that night, I was like,
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: this is what I should have said, but I didn't
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: say it. But yeah, it was awkward after that anyway,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: So APRA's back and we are good. We are back
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: to normal. Well done, well done, Thank you, great dad,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: thank you one of the best. Thank you. The kids
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: are so thankful. It is a bit I run a
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: tight ship when she's not there. She's very lenient with things,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: and I'm just like, really, I thought you'd be laxy
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Lucy goosey.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: Nah.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I don't like fuck around. That's a fair way to
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: say it, right, I don't like the fuck of the faf,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: the faff of that of them like I asked you
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: to do something, don't change the subject. Just do what
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I've asked you to do, and don't interrupt. Sometimes it works.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: But then also as well as mush prefair, let us out.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Do you know what's fucking annoying? I've got a list
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: of things. Yeah, but let's add to it. One of
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: the most annoying things about parenting is parenting guilt.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: Like, for what purpose does it serve?
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I have enough on my plate, enough of my mind
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: without second guessing what I'm doing and thinking that I'm
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: doing a shit job.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, why do you think you're doing it
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: if you've seen someone doing a better job.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: On Fridays that is my poppy day, My poppy day.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: And also, she's eleven months now, and she's your third daughter, Okay,
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: And I didn't have a version of matt leave when
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: she was first born. I didn't get that. I was
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: always working. It's a hard worker. What a guy, What
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: a guy. But in the blink of an eye, she's
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: now eleven months and the added pressure, the added guilt
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: that is on the shoulders is the thought of this
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: is the last time ever you will have a newborn child.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: That is yours in your lifetime, right, So you're like,
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: you want to make the most of it, because all
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: of a sudden she's crawling, she's about to start walking,
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, where the fuck did the last eleven
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: months go like that? And so you've got to try
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: and save her every second. And so the fridays that
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: I have with her are just me and her, and
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: I try not to have any work, try and have
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: just my attention, my focus. It's just me and popping,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: no distractions. I can give her a day where it's
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: just she has me having any naps she has now day.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: It's pretty annoying that that is the annoying part.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to wing. It's just one nap time.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: At the moment, she naps from nine thirty hour and
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: a half. That's and then three o'clock maybe an hour. Okay,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: it disrupts the day, I'll tell you that much.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Wake up.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: But before you know it, she has her first nap.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: And then I'm like, I'll take it to the park.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: The middle of the day.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: We'll go out there. We'll go to the park.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: She loves the swing and I can really like have
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: some like one on one time, some core memories, right,
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: the moments that I'm going to remember.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: And then that Fridays.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Gone, busy at home, emails, phone calls, juggling, everything else.
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: Laura was also away, and then before I know it,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: we're creeping forward to three o'clock and so I'm just wait,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: doesn't it.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: So then I'm like, I'm not going to go anywhere
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: because she's going to get pretty tired.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: So it's cold to get cold, it's.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Also cold, and then you know, I put her down,
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to race get the kids. Days gone, days gone,
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: And then I'm looking back at that day being like, well,
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: my attention has not been on Hurts, It's been on elsewhere,
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: everything else going on.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: And then you just feel overwhelmingly.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: Like you're done a shit job, Like you've had a
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: day where you've not been the parent that you wanted
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: to be. And as well, all that week like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Thursday year kind of like I know that Friday's going
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: to be the day for me and Poppy. And then
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: when you have the expectation if you want it to
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: be like this as well, from no, what you think
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: parenting is going to be like is far from.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: It's Yeah, it's not the expectation. It's like that's the dream,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: but then it never really pans out how you want
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: it Depand and.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: Then on the weekends because if people listening, going, well,
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: just play with her on Saturday. I do as well,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: but it's just different because I got both kids.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and they want attention to I remember, like
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: I had like Thursdays with Macie. Right, it's very different,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: like you're saying, when you've got just one to focus
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: your attention on, because it's right, it's so easy for
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: someone to say, we'll just play with it tomorrow. Great, yeah, okay,
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: So then what am I going to do when I've
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: got two other girls who're like, Daddy, we want to
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: go for a bike ride, but You're like, well, like
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: you know, it's so annoying.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: And then all that does is then put more pressure
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: on next Friday because you like want to play catch
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: up and make up for what I missed on the
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: last Friday session. I just couldn't shake this feeling of
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: like voice in my head of like you're a bad dad.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: And my biggest, my biggest fear in.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Life is not being attacked by sharks or being they're.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: A dime it doesn't nowhere.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: But my biggest fear is being a shit dad.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: And you're like, and that's great in some circum sens
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: And also it's at my detriment because you're like, you
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: don't want it to weigh on your head and second
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: guess every single moment of parenting.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think one thing that parents do too much
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: which they we shouldn't do, but it's hard to just
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: shake it. Is overthink that. Yeah, like you overthink like
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: am I? I know April as well. She always says
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: are we doing enough with the kids? And I'm like, yeah,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: because realistically it's like we're only two people. There are
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: only two people. It's like getting out once in the
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: middle of the day. Is it should be enough? You
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: don't want to set the expectation that you're like constantly
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: doing things all the time, because at what point are
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: you all just fucking exhausted.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: But then it's also those people who have that narrative
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: of like, you know, when the kids are older, you're
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: going to miss these times. You're going to miss the
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: moments where your baby's crawling, You're going to miss those
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: times when there's dirty marks on the window from their
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: handprints and I'm like, stop fucking saying that we don't
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: need we don't need this added guilt.
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: But it's okay to miss that stuff because that could
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: be everyday stuff too. But I guarantee you in twenty
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: years time, you're not gonna be like, fuck, I missed
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: that Friday. That one friday. I fucking missed that one friday.
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: But if someone did say, like, don'tn't worry about it.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: Kids don't remember anything until they're five.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not for them, it's for me. And it's
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: like if the kids haven't been out all day, like
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: just to it's a bit different because we're It's like,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: just say we can it haven't been out out all
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: day because we've had things. We going around the house,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: there's things that needs to be done. It's like, I
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: don't feel the guilt really as long as they're happy
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: and we've had fun and whatever, because you can.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Have fun at home because I'm working from home. Man,
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: I just I need to have that break of scenery.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: I get so eggy when I've just been in the
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: house all day, at the table from morning tonight and
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: the only time I leave is when I drop the
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: kids off and pick them up like, man, it's just
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you're saying, but I need to
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: have I need to like get out just for that
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: little window. Yeah, otherwise, get the shits.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: Don't be so hard on yourself, I know and like
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: and that's not just you as well, but like also
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: every parent out there that has this, because we all
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: have that feeling, especially when it's there's such a young
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: child and you're like, Okay, well now I want to
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: get the groundwork in and you get distracted. People get distracted,
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: So don't put too much pressure on yourself. Thank you,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: That's what I would say, But I'm not an expert. Matt.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: It's another week of One of our favorite segments is it's.
• 47:19
  Speaker 8: Lies, Tell Me Love, Tell Me Week, Little Live Ash.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: This is my favorite segment and it is, of course
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: parental Lies. A Dirty Dad's edition is brought to you
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: by Omer Capsules. Remember when life gives you laundry, keep
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: up with Capsules. I have been sent a lot of
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: footage of me at the supermarket. Apparently there is a
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: little sticker of me in the laundry aisle when I'm
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: dancing around a clothesline.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, next time behind of my house, you might be shocked.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: There's on my wall. No, not yet. Tara Padlovich from
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: The Bachelor.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: She was there picking up some laundry items and her
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: kids were like, Mommy, who's that guy?
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: She's like, long story, do you want to go first? Man?
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: This is from Elisa Doubles Elissa the best way to
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: spell a Lissa.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: I've always said that hell I is growing up.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: My dad told me keish was pronounced QUICKI QUICKI. I
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: was a smart kid, but it legitimately looked like it
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: could have been pronounced that way in brackets. The English
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: language is very weird. I agree, agreed, So I never
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: questioned it until I was seventeen. I'll get in a
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: lot of trouble, and I asked my bloody step dad
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: if he was having a quickie. He was equally confused, amused,
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: and embarrassed. But I assure you not as embarrassed as
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: I was when he taught me what it was actually called.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: What an asshole of a dad. That's definitely one of
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: those lines they've told them and then forgotten they've told them,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: and then they've grown up and been like, you haven't
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: a quickie over there? It's like, excuse me for what? Purpose.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: Why would you like he's just just messing with hers,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: just messing and then forgot. That's the worst part. I'll
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: go next. This is Tamarra Lee. Not tomorrow Tamora Lee.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, Sarah Lee, but with the tamorate cakes very oa
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: in the freezer.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: But this is about It's not about cakes, Tamora Lee.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: We give our children a chewable multi vitamin and probiotic
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: gummy every night after bathtime. We call them lollies. We
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: do this. They truly think they are being rewarded and
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: can even use them as bribery. Quick getting the bath.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: If you want a lolly, eat your dinner, if you
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: want a lolly. I need to start doing doing this
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: for years.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: I need to start. I mean at the moment, medicine.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Lola loves the taste of medicine. They love strawberry.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: To be fair, It's delicious.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: She's like growing pains, really sore, and I'm like, is
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: it She's like, just give it to me.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: I wonder, give it to me now, I wonder. I
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: couldn't find the pandole, like the adult pando I was like,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: fuck this, swinging it, just swinging the I was like,
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: how many meals do I need? But man, it's stand goods.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: Drop that next time.
• 50:20
  Speaker 8: All right?
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: This one is from Sharon, spelt as h E double r.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: How do you think ash y n y n no
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: sharme charmee.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: It's a shrine. It's a shrine to sharerime, shrine to lies.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: The ice cream truck comes around my daughter's neighborhood at
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: seven pm on weekends. Hang on a second's are you
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: sure it's an ice cream truck and not something else.
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Ah, that's a pedophile. I just that's He's like the
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: ice cream is like, oh get there eventually, very late
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: for an ice cream truck. Don't you think it's late
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: for the truck, but perfect time for the dessert.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: But wouldn't you do a lunchtime like when it's I mean,
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: I'm no ice cream truck expert myself, and not to
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: question Sharene's story.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Don't know? Okay, Savings, Maybe we'll get to the bottom
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: of this. VIC.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: Remind me to look into this. If you told my
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: granddaughter that's the bedtime song for their suburb and all
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: the kids have to be in bed, it works every time.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: That's new that.
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: Ice cream truck drivers like fuck it else quiet.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: The moment I thought she was going to go down
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: there all that ice cream, which is the classic classic.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: That's a classic. But the to go to bed song
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: is good.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say that that is the biggest mistake
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: this ice cream truck driver has made.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Doing a seven o'clock round you ru it in business.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: It's bad for business. Might sneak up on the one
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: time do a five o'clock That's true, you can do
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: that too. That again, I'm last one from me from Daniel,
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: Nice and easy or Dan if you will. Is this
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: your partner Vic, No, it's not. When they just have
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: the spelling, please have Daniel. Oh yes, it is spelled
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: D for Daniel, A for Annuel, N for Neil, I
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: for il, and ill for ye. Okay, thank you, continue,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: perfect pronunciation, very good. Whenever the kids are accusing one
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: another of hitting each other, we tell them we have
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: a camera setup that they can't see and will go
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: look at the footage unless they tell us what really happened.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: We're going to the bunker. You go straight to the
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: bunker for that one. I've done a similar lie.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, but in the.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Back of the car, we've got a seven seater and
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Marley loves to sit at.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: The very back of the car.
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: It's a treat to get up to mischief.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: And I'm sometimes I look in the review mirror and
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: she's jumping around and leave the place and I say,
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: you go, you see butte on? She goes yeah, and
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: I can check the camera. You don't have it on.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: And she's like, how are you watching it? And I'm like,
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: cause I got a little monitor down here. And she's
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: like me and I'm like, it's just right here. You
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: can't sit down by my knees it. She's like out
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: the car. She's like, show me the monitor and I said, no,
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: it goes away when you stop.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: The car automatic, and she's like really quizzing me. I'm
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: there sweating. I know. I love questioning. You can really
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: extend on them too. When it starts to go. You
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: can always just like it's a sense of here that
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: says your seat belts not on? Where were you? Where
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: were your gymnastics pick up? You know you got to
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: go with the camera. It just throws them off.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: I think the fake camera. Once you get to seven,
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: it's run its course. I know, Ash, we need to
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: pick a winner, because one of these lies will win
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: an Omo prize pack.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: My vote. My vote's going for the Tamra League with
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: the chewable vitamins. I was going to say the quickie.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: Should we wrestle, see who wins? Make it a quickie? Okay,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: A very good? We're talking. Okay, Vick, you are the
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: deciding who do you want to win?
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: The I love the Cara.
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I tried, Lisa, congratulations you were getting a
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: Maddy J poster and well.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: That was lies. Thanks again to Omo Capsules for sponsoring
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: this segment of Parental Lives, the Dirty Dad's edition finding
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: in stores at leading retails and users directed always keep
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: out of sight and reach of children like up a
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: lie about it? How good? How Good's a capsule? Very good?
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: What does O M O stand for? That's the real question.
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: Let's get next week.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: How many acronyms is that?
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: Ash?
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: It is time for your favorite part of the show. Goodbye, goodbye,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: I'm out of here. You finish it off. So have
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode? Do not send a review? Reverse,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: don't do it.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: I know you won't do it.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: I know you won't. You won't do it.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: I bet you won't.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I bet you're too busy. I bet your friends do
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: it better than you.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: Bet you don't even care. I want to check, and
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: I promise you that there's not going to be any
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: more reviews.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: Please do it.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: But if you want to do it either on Spotify,
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: you can do it on individual episodes, or in Apple
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: podcasts and subscribe so all future episodes get delivered directly
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: into your inbox, or you can.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: John's on social media Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, or the Facebook group.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: And remember, when you do subscribe, you get all the
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: episodes directly to your inbox, including next week's guest episode,
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: which happens to be doctor Gollie, you little pediatrician. A
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: little teaser. I've got a rash. I mean one of
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: my kids has a rash. It's still there. Yeah, look
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: when I walk, you can scrape together. Get them to
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: look at your hemorrhoids. At the moment they're withinstan me
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: so we'll see if they come back out. Lots to
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: look forward to next week. Goodbye, see you guys. Come on,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: come on, don't fucking cracking joke. I'm not, I'm not.
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: I just feel like we just over here living my life.
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: This is who I am. Where are the outtakes, there's none.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: It's all good, it's all gold. We'll be right back
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: after this.
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land