Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / When a narcissist is in control of all the money

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When a narcissist is in control of all the money · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammett
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time to see my
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  face or hear my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise the
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  order for NPD, get more people into therapy like myself six
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  years wrong and also validate the victims, survivors and
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  thrivers of said disorder, said toxic people, said toxic Trace.
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  Today's episode is going to be about what happens when a
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  narcissist is in control of all the money, the narcissistic
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  person that's in control of all the finances.
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  Before we hop into today's episode, y'all make sure y'all
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  check out the Selflove brand. This is the I Love Me brand.
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  This is the I'm Good shirt that I'm wearing if you're watching
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  this on YouTube so check it out. Link link is in the description
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  of every single video and podcast that I do.
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  Yeah, so yes y'all I know I talk to y'a.
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  I make a lot of jokes about broke narcissists.
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  Narcissists that don't that take advantage of your money,
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  narcissists that don't have a place to stay, pretty much any
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  narcissistic person that has you waving the red flag, which is
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  the name of my show on Thursday, so on YouTube and Facebook.
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  But yeah, there's a lot of narcissistic people out here.
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  Y'all who have that mindset. You see what I'm saying?
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  Who There's a lot of broke narcissists or narcissists that
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  don't have any money. But there's on the other end of
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  the spectrum, there's the narcissistic person that is in
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  control of all the finances and these narcissistic people, y'all
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  can be horrible to you. The narcissistic person that's
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  in control of all the finances or control of all the money can
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  be absolutely horrible because they feel like that's the
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  narcissists like control over all, right?
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  You get narcissists that love having control over other
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  people, have control over the over other people's
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  circumstances and situations and things like that.
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  So you this happens all the time in these relationship spaces
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  where that narcissistic person has they want control and money,
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  you know, kids, finances, everything else is there's those
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  are the best ways to get control.
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  But if I have control over the money and you don't have your
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  own income or you or if you do have your own income, and it
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  goes into one account that I have control over that is very,
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  very similar because I talk to people all, I talk to people all
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  the time. Y'all.
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  But a narcissistic person doesn't even have to be the
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  necessarily the breadwinner, but they're in control of all the
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  finances because there's like a joint account situation.
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  And the narcissist like, oh, I'm let me be in control of this,
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  let me do this, let me do that. And the survivor of the victim
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  of the narcissist has no idea what's going on in the financial
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  situation. Like, there's one bank account
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  where the narcissistic person divvies up everything, including
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  if you contribute to it through your like, if you contribute
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  through it through your own job at your financial situation, the
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  narcissistic person kind of divvies it up to it.
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  So sometimes they give you that. Imagine.
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  And this has happened. This happens too.
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  They give you their control of the finances or the money.
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  They give you an allowance from your own paycheck.
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  It goes into one account. I've heard so, so many
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  narcissistic people like it goes into one account, right?
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  And they just, they give you an allowance from that.
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  Hey, here's the $100 you going to use this week for whatever
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  you need to use it for. Yes, it happens more times than
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  you think it does. Y'all.
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  And I know some people like they will never happen to me.
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  Y'all. I'm pretty sure a lot of people
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  who got into these situations thought it would never happen to
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  them too. So I'm not saying it's going to
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  happen to you, but be very, very careful, because some people
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  will make it seem like they just know more about finances, so
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  they should be in control of it. And you don't have to worry
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  about anything. They might make it seem like
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  they'll make it seem like it's easier if I just control
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  everything. You don't have to worry about
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  this. You just have to live your life,
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  go to work, or you stay at home or whatever your situation is.
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  You just live your life. I got the money part of it.
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  We're good, whatever it is in that situation.
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  So they'll give you an allowance like they you put stuff into one
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  of like I've seen, I've heard, I've heard a couples before that
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  you know but maybe both of them work.
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  Maybe one of them works but they have one debit card.
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  They literally don't have one debit card for the house and
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  they you had to ask your partner or whoever it is.
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  It could be a parent, doesn't have to be a partner.
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  It could be a parent in this situation that financially
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  controls you. They had to ask them for money.
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  Like asking like, hey, can I get $100.00 so I can go buy me some
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  some makeup or buy go to the bar, whatever it is situation
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  is, you know I need to buy something.
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  You whatever you need, you need to buy something.
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  Even if it's even if it's for your narcissistic robot reboot
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  team. Talking too fast, losing my
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  breath. Powering back up okay.
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  So even in these situations, arise like you're bought.
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  You like even if you have to want to go buy something for the
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  kids, you have to ask your partner for permission to go buy
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  something for your children, to go buy something for your
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  family, to go buy something for your people.
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  You see how that works right there?
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  Then it's wild. Y'all be asking for permission
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  to buy your own stuff. It's wild.
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  You see what I'm saying? But this is how it starts.
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  It starts off as it starts off as something little and it grows
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  into this. Maybe y'all both have careers
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  and what do y'all decide? To stay home for the kids or to
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  take care of the house or whatever it is and then y'all
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  join finances and then boom. From that point on it's boom.
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  It goes downhill with the financial control, the financial
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  abuse, when they finance it, when the narcissist financially
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  controls you, they can financially abuse you.
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  They can refuse to give you money.
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  They can refuse to pay for things.
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  They can refuse and tell you that your expenditures are
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  stupid. Like if you want to go buy
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  something small for yourself to have, you want to.
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  If you want to go like treat yourself, like Parks and rec,
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  like treat yourself. If you want to go treat
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  yourself, they make it seem like it's it's stupid, but they can
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  spend money on whatever they want to.
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  They can go gamble, they can drink, they can buy, drug,
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  whatever it is. In these situations, they feel
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  like they're entitled to doing whatever they want to do because
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  they can. You see what I'm saying.
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  They feel like I can do what I want to do because I'm in
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  control of the finances You don't get like and they'll make
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  you. They'll belittle you and make it
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  feel like your expenditures or whatever you want to spend the
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  money on is stupid. Even if you have a good, even if
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  you financially astute. Even if you're financially
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  smart. You see what I'm saying?
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  Even in these situations right here.
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  Even if you're smart, and they said, even if you're smart and
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  you're good with money, they don't care.
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  They want that control. So if I want to control you, I'm
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  going to make you feel bad about this situation.
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  I'm going to make you feel bad about wanting, wanting to be
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  more involved in the finances. I want to make you feel bad
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  about. I want to make you feel.
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  I want to make you feel guilty about questioning me about
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  money. Oh, you don't think I'm good
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  enough to handle the money myself?
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  Wow. I thought you love me.
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  I thought you trust me. No, not that I do love you.
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  I do trust you. Then why don't you?
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  Just why? Why are you trying to make me
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  feel bad about this money situation there?
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  Got you. You say that work right there.
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  Got you. All in all, it work.
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  It's going to work a lot. Everybody's situation is going
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  to be uniquely different. And I understand that, y'all.
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  I understand the mindset, I understand the things that go
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  behind the scenes and all the other good stuff.
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  But I'm just saying in this minds, in this dynamic in this
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  space, you get a lot of narcissistic people who want to
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  control you through the money and it's horrible.
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  Financial abuse is real. I saw one on Tiktok the other
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  day posted it her son like her husband was in control of the
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  money right. And I know yes y'all when they
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  can financial abuse norms to this too.
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  I'm just saying this is seems like y'all got some financial
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  abuse situations if you're a male or you're a woman to deal
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  with another woman that there's financial abuse in you in these
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  situations let me know this y'all gender isn't important to
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  me. But these these situations women
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  is just sitting there more open to talk about this stuff you
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  mean or this most of the stuff that's just put in front of me.
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  But yeah they were in the grocery store and the dad had
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  gave the son like counted counted out cash like he was
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  flashing the cash the wife, the wife was a stay at home mom And
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  so he was cashing like I got all the money in my hands and the
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  son said, hey dad, can I get some candy.
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  He's like he's been good. Here's some candy.
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  And then 5 minutes later the son said something to the dad didn't
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  like. He just took the he just
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  snatched the money out of his hand.
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  And the son didn't even say anything back.
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  No, the mom said something the dad didn't like.
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  So the punish the to punish the mom, the dad when it took the
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  stuff from the mom, from the son.
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  Your mom doesn't run. Your mom would have run her damn
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  office. Nobody gets any money.
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  And the mom was like, Yep. And she was recorded the whole
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  time. She was like, Yep, y'all see how
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  this goes right here. See you see how this goes right
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  here. He's taking stuff from our son
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  because I said something to him about me wanting to buy
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  something for myself and that I needed some.
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  I needed to have some some input on the finances I had.
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  I wanted some input on the financial situation.
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  I I didn't say anything bad to him.
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  She recorded the whole thing. She didn't say anything bad to
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  him. He just took his criticism.
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  His whole face turned red. He immediately ruined the
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  founder son took the money from his hands and told him that he's
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  not getting nothing now because of the mom.
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  You said there's financial abuse right there right in front of
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  the kids. And Pat made the kids, made the
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  kids. Mom, what did you say there?
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  What did you say, mom? Like the little boy was mad at
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  the mom. Now you said how that works.
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  Y'all, you know what I mean. They won't just tell people so I
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  so this is going to be the situation where the 5050 or
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  protect provide whatever the situation is.
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  I always tell people to have a backup plan.
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  If you're a stay at home parent and you feel like this financial
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  control stuff is happening to you, make a backup plan starting
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  now. I don't know what have a backup
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  plan. You're looking for online jobs,
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  selling stuff on eBay. Whatever it is In these
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  situations make a backup plan. Because this financial control
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  typically if you're dealing with a narcissist, it does not get
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  better. Why would it?
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  You know what I mean. There's not to be trying to
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  chastise y'all. Why would it get better?
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  You know what I mean? Why would in this situation
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  right here, Why would the financial, the financial aspect
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  of it, get any better? If I'm in control of it, if I
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  feel like things are going well, why do I need to?
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  You know, why do I need to do this?
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  That's the mindset of a lot of narcissistic people.
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  Y'all, like, why would I need? If things are going well to me,
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  why do I need to share the finances with you?
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  You know what I mean. Why do I need to do that?
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  That's the mindset of a lot of our citizens.
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  Talk to people y'all like the financial.
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  Financial abuse does not get better.
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  They want to control the money because it controls you.
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  It make they can, they can demean you and devalue you and
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  do a lot of different things to you.
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  Just in the type of situation right here.
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  Y'all. That's why I just tell people
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  like I'm going to tell I'm going to tell you keep your finances
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  separate or join finances, whatever.
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  Everybody's financial situation is going to be different.
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  Do what works for you, but also be be able to be respected and
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  value. Have your opinion value in these
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  relationships as well because that financial abuses situation
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  can happen a lot. Y'all.
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  It just can't. It does happen a lot.
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  It happens so much and especially in today's society,
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  people get beat down with the financial abuse stuff.
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  Y'all it just it does. It is one of those things that
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  people get. People get beat down, messes
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  with your mind, messes with your head, messes with everything.
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  You know what I mean? And all you want to do is have
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  input and access to the money that you've earned.
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  And that Narciss assistant person?
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  That's the one to hear that they don't want to hear it.
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  They'll take. They take it as criticism.
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  When you say, hey, can I at least know how much money we
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  have? Hey, and like I say, if you want
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  to divorce a narcissist, there's there's financially abusing you.
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  Make sure that y'all look up forensic accountants because
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  narcissistic people like to hide money.
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  They do. Toxic people like to hide money.
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  They like to hide the finances because they don't feel like you
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  deserve their money. Even if you were a stay at home
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  parent. Even if y'all both agreed it's
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  for you to be a stay at home parent and you haven't worked in
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  years and you know it's hard to find a job after you haven't
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  worked in years, they still feel like you don't deserve anything.
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  No child support, no no alimony, no nothing.
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  So be prepared. Y'all be prepared to pivot
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  anyways. Y'all make sure y'all like and
• 11:32
  subscribe to the channel. Make sure y'all check in my
• 11:34
  show. Waving the red flag.
• 11:36
  Waving the red flag every Thursday, 9:00 PM Eastern
• 11:39
  Standard Time. That y'all tuning in.
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  Mr. Hilness is out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  Y'all. If you haven't already, make
• 11:46
  sure you hit that like and subscribe button so you don't
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  miss any uploads. Turn on that notification bell
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  as well. Thank you so much.
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  See you later.