Latest / Pod Therapy / #353: Crying Wolf, Pesky Pregnancy Questions, Drawbacks of Being a Therapist

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#353: Crying Wolf, Pesky Pregnancy Questions, Drawbacks of Being a Therapist · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Moist palsies. Okay, I've learned you was going from place
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: to place. That's awesome. Man, get the Have you ever
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: had gelato? I?
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Have you know? When I was in Italy before?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, have you had pizza? Last episode has made possible.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: But our therapy partner Dirty B Pickett and Jake Schneider
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: from Fabulous Las Vegas, No matter. This is pod Therapy,
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: real people, real problems, and real therapists. You can submit
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: your questions anonymously at podtherapy dot net or email us
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: at pod therapy Guys at gmail dot com. And now
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: broadcasting from the Turn. That's Jim, That's Whitney. I'm next
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: time for suppot therapy.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Man, look at us, just a bunch of adventurers trying
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: new things. I'm cooking. Whitney's going to Italy.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Hate Jim, name a country that borders Italy the water
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: There's there's a lot of it. It's like the Florida
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: of Europe.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I know that.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Wow, I know that, there's I know that.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: What are you name the water?
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Jim?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Are you absolutely sure about Europe? I mean yeah, right,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I was asking or is it? Yeah? Is it in Europe?
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: It's also Africa. Like, so maybe it's both. Is it
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: more Africa than it is your.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: Don't We don't know what side of Italy she's going
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: to Africa side.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the Asian probably matters which side. Oh, there's an
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: leisure side.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I only know what I know about
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Italy from World War Two documentaries, and I remember there
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: being like.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay, ally or they were bad guys.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I remember that. That doesn't answer the question. I feel
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: like you did. I feel like it's I'm in the
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: right ball, So you don't know, We'll move on. Yeah,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I remember they were bad guys, but
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I remember like the bad the good guys went to
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: like Africa and fought somebody with tanks or something. Then
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Norman, does that feel right? Is there
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: a guy named Norman Normandy? Yeah, Storm and Norman Schwartz golf?
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe it was the Normandy thing that's not in Africa?
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Is it?
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh, funny?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: It is not funny.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Geography back uh at like Peter's childhood home he grew
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: up in. There's a globe that exists there that has
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Soviet Socialist Republic list.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes, oh ussr. Yeah, oh that's cool.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we like what. I don't learn anything from the Yeah,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: this is.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Not where we go to.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: So Laura and I went downtown. We went down to
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: the Arts district this morning and just kind of hang out.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: And so there's a couple of antique stores down there. Yeah,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: I love which is so weird because like when I
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: was younger, when I was a kid, going into an
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: antique shop was just like, oh my god, this absolutely
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: and now like I love it.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: You get it.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: And so anytime I come across some old globe, that's
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: the first thing as I do. I flip over to
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Europe and I like, see, yeah, do we have check
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Aslakia yo?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Right, I like the first things to make sure how
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: current it is. Anyway, adventures galore, exciting times. Are you
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: bringing us back souvenirs from Italy because I would like
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: some gelato? Lemone?
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Yes, please please bring him back some gelato. Yes, yeah,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: that would be a little bit of milk. Bring back
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: some milk, some lemon flavored milk.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: That is exactly what that will be. Milk.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Welcome to pot Therapy, Glad to have you. If you'd
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: like to join the pre party, come check us out
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Patreon dot com slash Therapy. You can get this whole
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: show ad free and extended and learn more about us
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: as people, which is helpful whenever we try to answer
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: these questions. The more you know about us, the more
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I answers hopefully make some version of sense. But we've
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: got some great questions for today's show, and we're leading
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: off with Crying Wolf in mental health, and it says
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I have to remain anonymous as I work for a
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: corporation and don't want to lose my job. I have
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: a coworker who started here as the pandemic was lifting
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: in the summer of twenty twenty one. She was in
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: her early thirties and had experience, so I was excited
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: to have her as my backup assistant. And she was
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: a wolf and she cried. She was smart, and I
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: felt I could rely on her. The first couple of years,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: she would bring up events that she said affected her
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: mental health. I'm all for people feeling comfortable at work
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: and having good mental health, and so I stood up
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: for her. I noticed that I was getting looks from
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: other colleagues for standing up for her, but I just
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: brushed it off that they are older and they don't understand.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: After a couple of years, I did start to notice
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: that when she did not get her way or had
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: to do more than one task out of time, she
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: would throw around her mental health, and management would do
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: whatever they needed to do to prevent a situation. She
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: is at the point now that management is afraid of
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: their own shadow, and she now runs the office with
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: her accusations. How do I deal with an assistant? Did
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I mention my assistant just retired this week that I
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: can't ask her to do anything as it affects her
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: mental health. I would appreciate your thoughts. A fan of
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: the show and Jim's geography, Anonymous, you got to burn
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: down the office. There's only one.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say, the assistant you just hire, Yeah,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: the other assistant back up.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, the easiest thing is for you to
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: quit your job. That's probably someone else's problem. But yeah,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: assuming that's not going to be an option, promote her
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: to your boss, right? Is there a way that you
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: can just give her early retirement.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I want you to take a portion of my salary
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: and go.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Home, this man, because I think, although I think we've
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: made great strides in being open and accepting of mental
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: health and you know, being able to talk openly about
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: it and accepting it when you know, taking good care
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: of ourselves. There does like there are people out there
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: that have seen this and are like, oh, yeah, I
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: can kind of take advantage of this, right, And maybe
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: she's not taking advantage of it intentionally, right, but it
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: is one of those things where it's I don't know,
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: she has.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Found the path of least resistance and is taking that path.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean, we definitely we want to be
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: able to we want people to be comfortable, and we
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: want to try to accommodate as much as we can,
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: but there's still some lifting that has to be done
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: on the other end of that as well, Like the
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: world is not going to just completely like bow to
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: your wishes. There are at some point, there are going
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: to be some times where it's like, I realize that
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: you're having a tough day today. We want to accommodate
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: as best we can. However, this stuff still has to
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: get done. Yeah, there are still obligations that we still
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: need to meet.
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: And if you're not able to do those things, there
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: are programs for those people. There are disability programs and
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: things like that that exist. If you are not able
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: to function in a standard work environment, then maybe that's.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: What you need to go do.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to look into that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: I do definitely give people the benefit of the doubt
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: in the sense that, like I never my first assumption,
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: I try for it not to be. My first assumption
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: is that someone's taking advantage of a situation. I always
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: try to err on the side of Okay, they're not
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: doing this intentionally, this is kind of you know, and
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: try to show a little bit empathy. It's just like,
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: this is what they're dealing with right now, right, But
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: obviously there are limits to all that.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and I heard writer you say at the
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: end that you can't ask her to do anything as
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: it affects her mental health. You can still ask, like
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  Speaker 2: it's her job to be the assistant. Then you're going
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: to be asking her. And I feel like that will
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: naturally bring up like a pattern over time, like, Hey,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I've asked you to do these ten things and you're
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: only able to do two, right, what's going on? It
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: like allows conversations to be revisited.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, I think I've got a good conversation starter here.
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: Okay, you said that your current assistant is retiring, and
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: and she is currently the backup assistant, so presumably she's
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: going to at least apply for the full time position. Sure, yeah,
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: or gets it or just be given it or whatever.
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: I would suggest having if not an application process. If
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: your intention is to just give her the job, then
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: don't worry about having a full application process, but perhaps
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: a meeting where it is simply about, here are the
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: responsibilities of this person.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Here is the day to day duties of this position.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Is this something that you think you.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: Can that be required to do this, this, this, and
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: this every day? You know, after lunch should be required
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: to do these things like this. This is the requirement
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: of the position. Are you able to fulfill these requirements
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: on a daily basis?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I really like the idea of defined job tasks, which
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: can be really tricky because.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: A lot of roles they're not It's gonna be a
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: little flexible sometimes, right, but you're going to write that
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: you write that into a job a job description.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Huge because then you have this like informed consent situation
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: where it's like, hey, this is what this job is.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: If you can't do this job, I totally understand, nobody
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: wants to hurt your mental health. That's nobody wants to
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: harm you. And not every job is for every person.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: But please don't step into that if that's not something
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: you can do. Because if you step into that role
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: but you can't fulfill that role, we fundamentally have to
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: go hire a second person, and I would pay two
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: people to do a job that we've budgeted one person
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: to do. I love the idea of defining it if
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: you can.
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: That's a great way to serve, and it also gives
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: you a time to define kind of what your responsibilities
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: to that assistant are going to be. You know it's
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: going to be you know, there are going to be
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: times that I'm going to hand you a project and
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: I'm going to need that project back, you know, in
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: a two hour time period. But I'll give you that
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: time period. I'll tell you what that time period is
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: going to be. Sometimes it's going to be a bit
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: of a time crunch. Sometimes it'll be a more of
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: a loosey goosey situation. But that allows you to kind
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: of give that person here's the kind of heads up
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: that I'm going to give you. Here's what I'm going
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: to expect from you and and change here is what
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: you can expect from me.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: This is a much easier problem to deal with if
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: we're talking about the person being promoted into a new role. Yes,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: it's really define cults if we're talking about them functioning
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: in the role that they already have.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: We already try to give her things to do, and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: she has basically like slimmed down her responsibilities because administration
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: is scared, and that opens up that larger, you know,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: conversation about like we are all, I think, happy that
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: mental health has become prominent. It's something that the world
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: talks about now. We like that it's not as taboo.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: This is all really good, But then there is a
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: lot of misunderstanding about it. And as people become sensitive
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: to it, and organizations become sensitive to it, and they
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: don't want to be accused of being you know, negligent,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: they don't want to be liable for any harm, and
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: they certainly want their employees to be okay. It does
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: create this space and I don't know, Whitney, if you've
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: seen a lot of this, but like coming through the
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: COVID era, I was getting so many FMLA requests and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: like people like trying to like seek short term disability
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: or even if they weren't trying to cash, you know,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: like their their short term disability insurance or anything like that,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: looking for special accommodations from their employers, especially if they
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: had really big employ lawyers, like they worked for a
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: bank or you know, big institutions. They would constantly be like, hey,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I want you to provide documentation that basically says I
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: have anxiety or whatever. And they were getting all sorts
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: of reduction and hours without reduction of pay, changes in
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: their responsibilities, all sorts of extra breaks, and like looking
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: from home, right, yeah, working from home. And you know,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: it was tricky because like, on my side of the street,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I want to align myself with that person. They're my patient.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I do care about them, and I'm not here to
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: tell them whether or not they're you know, skimping on
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: the job or do what do I care? Like, big
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: fucking corporation is not my responsibility. This human is, right,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: But there were definitely times that I'm like, I feel
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: like you're kind of weaponizing this and you're just like
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: using me and like the power of mental health as
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: an institution to sort of push against the larger corporation,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: And I always felt like a weird like juxtaposition of
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: that because part of me is kind of like, well,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: as an American, you don't have any other options, you
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: don't have a union, you don't have anything else that
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: would push back. I can get you some kind of
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: reprieve and get treated better. So you have to use
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: the fear of this liability. So that's our that's not
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: really your fault. But then it does come into this
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: cry wolf thing of like mental health being used all
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: the fucking time, and it opens up an interesting conversation
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: of like, does that water down the conversation we need
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: to be having. Does that misrepresent what mental health is
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: to your coworkers? Is that okay? Like what are some
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of your views on that?
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was getting flashbacks to emotional support animals when
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: you mentioned that, where it's.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Like, oh I want this really, Yeah, come with me
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: to Sam's Club.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But anyway, Yeah, as far as like mental health
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: being kind of weaponized in some ways, it's a challenge
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: because I think people learning about their own mental health,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of them are kind of going
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: back to what Nick was in. They aren't even maybe
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: consciously doing that they're just like, yeah, this is uncomfortable
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: and trying.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: To feel out, trying to be dishonest.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: You know how uncomfortable I am at this job or
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: when something's requested now I'm overwhelmed.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, and in some conflating discomfort with a symptom, right
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: because they're like, no, no, I like I had a
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: patient for a long time that would say PTSD and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: they'd say, oh, man, I was I was really struggling
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: to work my PTSD start acting up and it would
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: put me in a weird position where I need to
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: educate them that that's not what PTSD is, Like PTSD
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: is not stress, but they're like, no, no, what it is.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: It's a stress disorder, and like, but I also want
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: to be careful. I don't want to minimize this or
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: diminish it because you need to feel advocated for and
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: at the same time you want to kind of minimize
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: it and diminish it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: I want to write size it a little bit because
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: minimize a little bit trigger my.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: PTSD at work, and like the boss is like, oh no,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, Like yeah, I don't ask me to
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: do things like I'm just gonna go for a smoke
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: break and then like keep believe it, Jim. They asked
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: me to do three things that and I'm like, I
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: don't know what to do, Like that does seem reasonable?
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: And I think, uh, it's kind of a delicate balance
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: because my initial response is kind of like we've talked
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: about with ADHD in the past, where the symptoms are
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: very real and can be very disruptive to your life,
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: but at some point you need to take charge of
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: those symptoms and do the best you can to seek help,
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: seek or apply certain behaviors, you know, do the best
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: you can with what you're given and take some accountability
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: for that, and then right basically, but yeah, I think
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: that it's wonderful that this person can tell their boss,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: you know, hey, i'm struggling with this, you know, this issue,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: or whenever there's extra work piled on and very overwhelmed
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: and I can't do it. But yeah, at some point
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: you you have to decide like is this job right
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: for me? Kind of kind of going back to what
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Jacob said, when there's not a clear end point, you know,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: or starting of a new point. I think I was
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: gonna say not all companies might do this, but we
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: were choking about this earlier. There are annual evaluations or
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: quarterly evaluations that I remember working in corporate world, and
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: it's like, did you do all of your tasks that
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: were required of you? Scale yourself. I'm going to scale you.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about it, and if you aren't,
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: we're gonna start a I think called PIPS or something
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: like a yeah, there we go. So then it gives
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: room to say not only what we can do to
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: accommodate you, but like, what do you need also from us?
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: Do you need us to give you a certain amount
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: of warning or do you need us to put a
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: limit on how much we're able to give give you
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: at a time. And you know what, if we're only
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: allowed to give you three tasks at a time instead
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: of ten, we might have to adjust your pay for
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: that because we are going to have to hire someone else,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: like kind of like natural consequences there, And then the
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: person can decide do I do I want to stay
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: at this job? Is this the right job for me?
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: And where I say that should be treated delicately is
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: because not everybody can just leave their job or change
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: jobs to something easier. Maybe they are doing their best
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: and they need to feed themselves their families.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: You know, it gets tricky, especially with the American with
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Disabilities Act. Oh yeah, some sort of protections that are like, hey,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: are we discriminating at somebody with that health crisis?
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Right? I think for me, like as a manager, how
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: I would deal with this situation is separate the tasks
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: from the methods. Okay, the task has to get done.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: So if we're accommodating for someone's special needs, we're not
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: accommodating the task. The task is the job that needs
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: to get done. We accommodate the methods in which you
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: do the job. In these widgets need to be sorted. Yeah, yeah,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: so do you need do you need an hour of
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: extra time to sort the widgets? Do you need a
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: different environment in which you can sort the widgets? Do
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: you need X, Y and z to sort the widgets?
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, the widgets are
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: getting sorted.
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: Whereas it sounds like they sort the widgets again.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Sort the widgets.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds like a situation the person is like not
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: sorting the widgets anymore, and corporation is like, hey, you
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: don't ask her to sort the widgets. We don't want
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: to upset.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's that's kind of where we
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: need to maybe draw the line. It's like, well, okay,
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: then we need to look at somebody else for this job.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And uh, you know, it's kind of like you know
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: when uh, I don't know if you're aware of this,
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: but in Nevada, if you're going to test, if you're
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: going to take your test for the you're a drugon
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: alcohol license, you can request accommodations for extra time. Sure, okay,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: but the test doesn't change, right, You're you're answering the
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: same questions, you have to present, the same case study,
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: you have to do all of these things. The task
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: is the same, the method is slightly modified. That's kind
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: of what I'm talking about.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: For example, yeah, if if we can if if the
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: tasks can't get done, then it's just that's just the
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: person can't perform that job. We need to find something
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: else for them to do.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: So, if you're in a situation where this is a
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: coworker or even a direct report, you don't have the
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: ability to govern their job. HR has already told you like, hey,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: don't mess with this person. We're scared of this person.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: We are a big corporation. They answer to you or
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: assist you, but you should think of them more as
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: a coworker, not as somebody that like you can decide
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: their job description or something like that. I get the
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: impression that Writers is somewhat powerless and like is sort
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: of looking at this and saying, ugh, you know, I
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: obviously listen to this podcast. I support mental health. I
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: want to believe in this human How do I, as
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: an individual interact with people in my life who are
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: doing this? And I think that's an open question that's
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: beyond even a workplace, like whenever you have friends. We've
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: had people write in about this kind of thing before
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: where they've done that in groups of friends. They've always
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: like thrown their hands in the air like oh me,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: oh my, you know, I'm just going through so much,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: and people are like, oh shit, okay, we need to
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: like make you the highest priority. And we've had people
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: say in the past, like I think I have a
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: friend who's kind of crying wolf here. I don't want
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: to be insensitive, but like, how do I deal with that?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: This I think is kind of bordering that same open questions.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I don't think Writer has the ability to do any
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: of the things that we're suggesting so far, I feel
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: like those are corporate things that maybe writer doesn't have
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: those levers.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: And if that's the case, then I mean then it's
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: a conversation between you and HR. Then it is like, Hey,
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: this person, my understanding of what of this person's job
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: description is X, Y and Z right?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Is that correct? Do I need to do?
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: I need to redefine my expectations of what this person
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: is going is here being paid to do?
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Explain to me what this person's job.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: If I'm going to supervise this person, I need to
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: understand this person's job description, right, And so HR please
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: help me understand what this person's job SCHINU, yes, absolutely,
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: tell me what I'm.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Allowed to ask and what the expectations are.
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: And then and then if you have additional needs, then
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: you can go back to HR. You can go to
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: your superior whatever it is, and say, you know, here's
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: what here's what my expectation was of this assistant position.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: Now I'm now being told these are not reasonable expectations.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: I'm being told by HR that these are not the
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: expectations that they understand, and these are not the expectations
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: that are put upon that person.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: How does this get now I need an additional person
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: I need. I need help with this.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: I gets And so I mean, if it is somebody
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: else's problem to deal with, make it it's it's sometimes
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: difficult to to just say like, hey, you have to
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: solve this then, right, like, here's here's an issue.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: If I can't solve it, that means you have to
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: solve it. Bosson.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Well, what I find in in corporate settings is that
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: there has to be a problem before there's solving. You
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: can't go in and be like I'm I think an
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: asking and you know I'm not getting some of these
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: things done. I would like extra help, and you would
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: like extra help or do you need it? And it's
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: not until your work is not getting done because your
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: assistant isn't doing stuff. Like I tend to appreciate the
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: natural progression of things in general in life. So if
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: if I'm the writer, I'm going to be asking her
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: to do stuff, and if she pushes back, that's all documented.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Document everything.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: That's an email you.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: But I think you're both right. I don't think that
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the system wants to try to fix anything. If you're
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: predicting what will go wrong, I think you have to
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: allow things like you have to let the ants hit
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: the ground. But the obvious answer that we've all neglected
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: here is to out mental health crisis this woman and
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: just play chicken with it and be like, her mental
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: health is affecting my mental health. Right, You've getting all
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: my PTSDs going because I'm so stressed.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: The assistant, No, I am just so stressed.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I need you to I need you to solve these problems. Well,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: I can't sell these problems because it triggers me. Oh
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm being triggered by you being triggered this time.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: And just keep going, yeah, that's right, and then be
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: the first one to run to HR and just be like,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I can't keep doing this. I'm I'm really just I'm
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: overwhelmed and blah blah blah, and yeah, answer, I think
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: that's the.
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: Also, you want to go to the Pod Therapy Bait
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: and Tackle shop and buy the shirt that says PTSD's.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Nuts right now.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: In the shop as WESD nuts. Actually, that might be
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a good logo for the shirt where you're nuts are already.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: On Jim's head and the and the basketball. Yeah, yeah,
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: it would be a good caption for that one.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Well, right, this is a tough one, and you know,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I think that we've we've definitely seen this in the world,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: and it's so tricky because ultimately it's like we talked
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: about in the past, and I think when you brought
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: this up is really true that, yeah, anybody that's out there,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: you can not expect the world to bend to you.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, I do feel like I
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: resonate with the American workforce who often feels like there
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: is no excuse, there is no accommodation.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: They are cattle.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: And then you talk to a friend in France or
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: a different country and they're like, oh, your health is
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: not a priority. You're not You've you've reported that you're
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: not able to get things done, and they just said, oh,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: fucking well, we'll find somebody who will. That's illegal, and
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: we're like, no.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: Works.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: So I resonate, And unfortunately, I think because of like
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: the symptoms of the society, a lot of times mental
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: health is used now as a release valve to like
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: get fair treatment or some kind of relief, and then
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: it becomes a difficult thing where we're all rowing at
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: one speed in one direction and one person pulls their
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: oar out of the water, and we're like, what are
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: we supposed to do? And like, oh, you have to
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: don't don't acknowledge that she has a mental health thing.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, like I want to be sensitive, but
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: at some point I need that person or I need
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: that person get the fuck out of the boat because
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: the rest of us need to get this done. Yeah,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: And and that's just such a tricky Yeah.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: I like what Nick said too, though, Like that's kind
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: of reaching out to her and saying what do you need?
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: Like the task is here? Is there a different way
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: to approach this? And maybe they just haven't asked her
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: and she only feels like she can share, like I
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: can't do it and I haven't built rapport enough with
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: somebody to tell them more details.
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think sometimes too, it's like sometimes I don't know,
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Like in management positions, I can speak for myself in
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: this case, where like I I have a task that
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: I need this person to do, and I have a
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: way that I want them to do it, and if
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: their methods don't match with how I want it done,
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: then sometimes they'll still do it my way and they'll
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: still struggle. Yeah, Like, and I think a good manager
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: sometimes kind of goes to the person's like, Okay, we
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: both understand what needs to be done. Here's how I
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: would do it, but do you have a different method? Right?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I don't care how a client about this.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, she like struggles with high anxiety, and I was
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: trying to suggest her, you know, like, have you thought
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: about talking to your supervisor and sharing with them how
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: how you would prefer for them to give They're giving
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: the same feedback. She's not like, don't give me feedback.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: She like, I'm okay, here in the same thing, but
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: just instead of throughout the day, could it just be
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: like at the end, because throughout the day it like
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: builds the anxiety. Right, Yeah, So like in my opinion,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: I told I did tell her. I was like, they
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: may not change. They may say nope, that's just how
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I have to do it, and that's fine. But it's
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: okay to share with managers. You know, this is how
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: this is what would be helpful for me, and most
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: good managers will want to hear like, oh, okay, you're
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: not saying don't tell me what I'm doing wrong. You're
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: just saying, hey, instead of every five minutes, could we
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: maybe like have a lunch break or you know, halfway
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: through the day or the end of the day, can
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: you let me know like how I can improve or whatever.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, they were struggling with sharing that because
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: they're like, well, I don't feel like I know them. Well,
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: you know, there's not Rapporville. I was like, that's really interesting,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Like I don't know. A lot of dynamics go into
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: play in this.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: It is a tough thing. Like I mean, and writer,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that you're you know, I definitely do not
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: read you as a bad guy. I read you to
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: somebody saying, hey, look help, I believe in this. I'm
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: trying to be an advocate. Shit still has to get done.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: This is the real world.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And like, you know, this person doesn't work directly. It's
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: not my business. It's a larger business. So like at
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, we're both just getting paid
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: to do this. So like I'm working for them and
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: with them, like you know, I'm on team, you know, coworkers.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, like if this person fails me,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: now I look bad and I'm not hitting my performance
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: goals and that can't be okay because I can't tell
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: my boss a member of my team that I rely
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: on has a mental health condition and you need to
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: be sensitive to my failures. It won't fucking work, you know.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: And so again, like that just puts you in such
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: a weird position. I really would encourage you. All these
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: are really good cogestions documentation, like crazy going to HR
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: for a very clear understanding of what are the expectations,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: how do we get this done? Like what are the accommodations?
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: And then going to that person. I really love that
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: idea and having a direct conversation that's like on the level,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: and like, so are you taking over these responsibilities? Is
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: it not your desire to do that? Do you want
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: to make sure we keep you exactly in the lane
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: that you are? And therefore there's going to be a
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: new requisition order and we're going to open up a
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: position for somebody else. Is it your intention to take
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: that position? Are you fully aware of what that position requires?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Because we may not be able to afford you the
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: same accommodations you've had as an assistant, you know, or
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: backup or whatever. So I like all that you know
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: and like using the system to your advantage, and then
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: definitely playing escalation chicken on the mental health I mean,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: just keep reaching for higher disorders until.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Like playing chicken, what else can we include?
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Just just throw it as high as you can and
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: just be like, you know what, I can't do this anymore, like.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: Develop new personalities. Yes, it is an action.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so great. Ship on the HR desk. Sorry,
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: you can't do this. Excuse me, excuse me. It's newest shirt.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Go to pod therapy baitshop dot com. I'm pretty sure
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: that link still works. We don't own it. I don't
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: know where it points. I hope it points to his door.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about pesky questions about pregnancy. You're listening
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: to pod Therapy.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Benson, Melia, Richard Macy,
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: Sunny Boy, thunder Cooker, Cougar, Falcon, Scoop, Motherfucker, Sandra mclaffele,
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: and Elena And if you would like to sponsor the show,
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: become a therapy producer at Patreon dot com slash therapy. Alright,
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: trivia this week, let's go back to our host's interests. Yeah,
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: if a golfer celebrates a hole in one by zipping
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: bourbon at the nineteenth hole, then goes home to find
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: his water shutoff valve leaking. What is the best course
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: of action? Uses golf clubs to tighten the valve, call
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: the plumber before the house becomes a water hazard, ignore
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: it and hope it fixes itself. Try to fix it
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: after another class of bourbon.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Oh man, none of those sound like they're right. I'm
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: gonna take the best available, which is probably fixing it
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: with your golf clubs. That's not how I think you should,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: but it's the only one that seems like you're doing
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: something right fucking now, and that's probably a good choice.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: Call the plumber.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right, Yeah, it's called you call the plumber.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: You don't hit it with a golf house.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: Is destroyed by the time that plumber gets there. No, Honestly,
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: what you have to do is you have to know
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: where because you have to have the water. You have
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: to know where the water shut off valve in the
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: house is, and you have to know where the street
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: water shut off oalve for the whole property, because then
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: you've got to be able to shut off the whole property.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: Mine has just the one. I have one that shuts off.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: You've got one, the one you have one in your garage. Yes,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: that's the one you're that you know, that's main water.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: There's one underground in front of your house, like out
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: the street one. The other ones for the water company. Okay,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: but it has a valve in there as well.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: That's the main.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: That's where the main like meter and everything where they're
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: metering how much water are you using to charge in
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: between A and B.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Then you can shut off that main.
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: That's when you go to the A and you shut
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: that one off. But B is usually going to protect
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: your house, right, Okay, got it?
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: What is the term for a microphone that is designed
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: to pick up sound from only one direction? Ship often
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: used to reduce background noise in podcasting.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Give us the answers.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: Omnidirectional microphone, BI directional microphone, cardioid microphone, hyper cardioid microphone.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go cardioid microphone in.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Hyper CARDI or doing bit extra on that?
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I like that extra D. What she wants all the D.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna go see.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: It should be hyper it should be D. It's usually
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: called super cardioid, but it's but hyper cardioid. I guess
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: is just a different term for it.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Boy Jacob's gotten both what he doesn't know anything.
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: It should be super cardioid, but they might have just
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: made up the term hyper cardioil.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: The intern knows everything. I'm saying.
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: They may have made up the term hyper but it's
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: super Yeah, cardio cardioid and super cardioid.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Point give all the points. What US state is home
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: to the only royal palace in the United States? All
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: I know this one?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: What the fuck gotta be Hawaii? It is what there's
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: a royal palace in Hawaii?
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: Why, Jim?
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Why there can I I don't know why the would
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: that be there there? Yeah? Is it like a summer
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: house for the queen or something?
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, not the queen you're thinking of that, That's.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, think queen you're thinking. Yeah, you're thinking.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: There's no queen. Way too pale, way too pale, like Queen.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: Latifah weirdly closer real.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: We're just real and then to stick.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: So it's not like a real building. It's like Queen
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Latifas roy real queen.
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: The royal the royals that ruled Hawaii before the US
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: it was the king over Hawaii.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, or we annexed it.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, huh.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: That they had a chief.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: Oh my sexist. Have you not seen I love Malana?
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Then you get it.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: They weren't in Hawaii. They were like Fiji.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: It was kind of Hawaii. No, so far more for
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: this one.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: What not commonly taught in scouting is known for its
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: strength an ease of untying even after being tightened under
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: a load.
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: Sure, I learned this that I'm camping with sex offenders
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: camp seen.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: I think I changed the name of that now.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: I think the square knot clove hitch, bow line or
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: sheet bend.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I'll go with clove hitch. I want clove hitch.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm going to go with whatever. Jacob said.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: That after after the square not, the bowline was the
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: most commonly taught. So I'm going to go with bowline. Okay,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: it might be clove hitch.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I think the ease of ease of release makes me
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: go clove hitch more than bowline. Cloth hitch was my
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: guest in high Schoolney.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, I was just gonna do Actually, my original guest
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: was going to be that. But no, I'm just gonna
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: go with whatever Jacob said.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: So we're all going except me. I went, Yeah, that
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: was and.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Should have gone with my gut cloth.
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: Itch is gonna be easier. It is going to be
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: easier to disengage. I feel like we have some thoughts
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: and I think we have some notes on this. Uh this,
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: you know, Emma's fucking around. I don't know I feel
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: about this.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: You just fixed the waterline with the golf club, so
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I was in the right ballpark. Look, I was the
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: only one taking it serious.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Save it for the six month to you call a
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: plumber in Las.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Vegas and your home is gone by the time they
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: get there.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: The water off.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, but that was the option I went with. It
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: just involved using a golf club. Why fuck not use
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: the potter? I don't know. Is that all the questions?
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: Yep?
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm in the lead pesky questions about pregnancy
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: from anonymous. Hey everyone, I'm desperately seeking advice on more
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: creative ways to say mind your own business and leave
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: me the fuck alone. Backstory, Grab some popcorn. My husband
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: and I are a pretty traditional, suburban Midwestern professional couple.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: I get it. There are societal norms and we've mostly
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: stuck to them. Bought a house about two years ago
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: in a nice neighborhood. Got married last October and have
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: been laser focused on our careers since. I juggle two jobs,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: a doctoral program, and all the horse stuff, yes, actual horses.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Horse stuff can also be many jobs. Well, my husband
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: just switched jobs about a month ago to tackle higher
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: level cases. We totally understand that life happens and the
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: best laid plans often go awry, but based on multiple factors,
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: my husband and I have crafted what we think is
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: a pretty solid master plan for the next few years. Houses, careers, kids, dogs,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: you name it. We've scheduled it so everything can flow
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: as harmoniously as possible. But wait, as soon as we
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: said I do, the barrage began. When are you going
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: to have kids? Are you pregnant yet? Lovely? Those were
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: mildly irritating, but I'd usually respond with something like nope,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: I want to finish my doctorate, and the conversation would
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: thankfully move. Since then, the comments have escalated dramatically. Lately,
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I've been getting gems like, well, you never know how
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: long trying will take. Better to start sooner rather than later.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: You can still do a doctorate and be pregnant. Oh.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: But my personal favorites include you won't even need that
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: degree once you have kids who you can always finish
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: it later if you even still want to do it.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: And fairness, that part is true. Jim had kids and
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: then started gambling his doctorate. Yeah, I need to win
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: one back or go back to school. Yeah, and then
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: another one. But if you wait until then, it will
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: be considered a geriatric pregnancy. Wow hmmm, And just when
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I thought it couldn't get any worse, we started house
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: shopping to take our time finding the perfect place and
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: get settled before having kids. We love our current house,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: but we knew it wasn't our forever home. After two years,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: we've noticed it's not exactly kid for now. Nearly every
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: time someone hears we're house hunting, they launch into what
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: feels like an interrogation. What's wrong with your house? Why
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: would you move out of such a beautiful home? They
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: proceed to tell us how they had it worse and
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: may do how lucky we are to have the house
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: we have, especially at our age, and inevitably toss in
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: but you've only been there two years, sy, Why does
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: anyone care or feel the need to shower us with
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: their unsolicited opinions? I know These are well meaning people,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: but it's going to the point, or it's getting to
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: the point where I'm starting to avoid social situations and
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: generally changing my behavior to dodge these interactions. This is
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: coming from friends, both my husband's and mine, colleagues or
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: their spouses, bosses, classmates, family, and even random humans who
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: happen to know anything about us. I cannot bring myself
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: to be an asshole and tell them to mind their
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: own business and fuck off. I'm fine. I had to
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: come up with a different answer, and there goes yeah,
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Jacob's crumpling paper on the start. I'm fresh out of
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: ideas on how to respond, especially as the comments keep
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: leveling up. I understand that it's my family, my body,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: my money, and my life, but it seems like these
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: are socially acceptable things for people to say to me,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm at a loss for new creative ways to
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: tactfully address this, since I can't change other people or
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: the questionable social norms, no matter how stupid they are.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: What would you all recommend? Can't wait to hear your takes, ideas,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: and opinions on this. Thanks a million, everyone. Anonymous pronouns
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: are she and her.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: I think the obvious one is to just make it
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: more uncomfortable for the person who who's who's asked the question,
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: say something weird, so oh, why aren't you having kids yet,
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: and just be like I love this, and you know what,
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: forget it.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: I'll just show you my vaginal lining getting.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Oh sorry, you've only been there too. Well else the ankle,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: forget I'll show I'll just show you he can only
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: climax with butt stuff. Yeah, we're never gonna conceive.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: It's great.
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: I like the practice of just start scream crying and
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: run from the room.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: And then oh my god, so sorry. They will never
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: mention it again.
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: If you can, if you can like snot on command,
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: crying the snots that's running out of your nose, that's
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: that's really idea.
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like, didn't answer. I'm just laughing at the idea.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: You just change the subjects or totally walk off, Like
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: would they just keep asking like again again? Like how
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: many times would they ask?
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: I feel like this happens more. I was thinking on
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: this because I feel, in one hand, really lucky. Not many,
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: if hardly any of our like family or close friends
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: have really pushed asked anything like that. And I feel
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: like that's an ally. However, I do feel like the
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: closer I get to forty, the more people do really
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: asking question and push, especially the kids thing. And I
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: was sitting here thinking, the most people, the people that
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: do that the most, tend to be either from the
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Midwest or the South, like even if they live in Vegas. Now,
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: I was like, huh okay, like people from Vegas or
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: the West Coast whatever, like other countries, they don't ask that.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: No.
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean I think I was probably I was
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: well into college maybe even Yeah, I was probably in
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: my master's degree before I even had that realization like, oh,
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: I don't have to have kids.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Interesting, Yeah, like I hear that before, Like you just
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: thought you would, like ye, because everyone has kids.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: That's what you do. Yeah, the thought of not having
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: kids seriously had never occurred to me until I was
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: like well into my master's program.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Oh man been with Jesus for me. I was like,
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: I had a whole breakdown. I was like, I never
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: thought he just might not exist. It was a moment,
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Oh the South. But yeah, I think that I wanted
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: to ask you. Did people ever like as men Jacob
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: and Nick.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, because you're nodding at me, but not acknowledging kids.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Did people ever push you like.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: Kids?
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: I don't think I ever.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: No one ever asked.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: No one in my family, like my mother, my dad,
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: my sister, aunts, uncles.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: None of your sister didn't even.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: None of them have ever asked about whether or not
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: I was going to have kids.
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: My parents asked, but pretty normally, and like I would say, respectfully, have.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: You like curiosity?
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: Not years and years ago they both just kind of
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: were like, hey, is this something you guys have think about?
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: And uh and the answer was no. And then that's
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: just that's that's held since then.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my mother in law is a different story. My
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: mother in law would really like her daughter to have
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: a baby.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: This still still comes up. Oh yeah, wow, it didn't
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: come up all the time anymore, but it still comes in.
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: It comes up a few times a year.
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: How is that?
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: And it's pretty, it's pretty, it's pretty midd not too pushy.
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: So it's just, hey, have you changed your mind on this?
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: No, we haven't.
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: All right, it's not even a question. Oh now it's
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: like oucher, it would be great if you guys had
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: a kid. Passive little comment, Yeah, yeah, that it sounds
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: like y'all tolerate.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if we say something glides of nope.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Nope, and then just the one word no. You don't
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: even have to say I'm in my doctorate or whatever.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Just I think you pretend that you don't know how
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: babies are made.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: I mean, so I think that they go.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Want to I just that's that's how is Whitney kind
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: of landed on something.
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: To me, if you just say no, or if you
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: if you really just dismiss it completely out of hand,
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: that holds more water in these conversations than explaining reasons, okay,
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: because if you explain reasons, then you're opening yourself up
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: to a conversation.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people feel the need to respond to your reasons.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: Yes, also that with anything that's yeah, because I've learned
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: this again, like this is the second question Row, I've
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: kind of come back to this. But like being a
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: supervisor at work, like to not have to explain certain
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: things like here's this is what's happening. Decision has been made, Yeah,
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: as opposed to like if you try to soften something up,
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: like like with h I used to talk about this
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: all the time in rehab, like working with clients entering
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: early recovery. You know, if someone says like, hey, let's
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: go off for a drink, let's go do whatever to
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: not to just say, you know, I don't drink anymore, right,
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: but not to say like, oh I wish I could,
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: but yeah, because if you say I wish I could,
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: but all you've done is you've said, here's this obstacle,
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: help me overcome the sides?
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: Would you go out with me? All these couch is
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: in the way. Oh okay, so I should help you
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: move this fucking couch, like not just.
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: No, And I do think I do think you do
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: kind of open up that, like if you go into
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: like a backstory, then then people are like, oh, well
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: I can help you with this. Yeah here, let me
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: talk to you how how I didn't get my PhD?
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: You know like that, and writers in an interesting situation,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: right because like I feel like in all three of
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: your cases, your answer is definitive. It's not soon, it's no,
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: whereas in Writer's case it's like, yes, these things will
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: be happening. Here's I want to answer your question in full.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: And it puts you in a weird position because if
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: you just say no, you're probably right, Like it could
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: just be done. But in Writer's case, it's like, yes,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: my plan is this, and then unfortunately you're adding that information.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: I think you're all three correct. As soon as you
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: do that, you're pointing at the couch and they inherently
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: walk over and start inspecting the couch.
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: Not only not only is it that you are then
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: inviting them to have conversation about it. So if your issue,
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: a part of Writer's issue is uh, you know, this
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: isn't people's business.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if you invite them to have that conversation, you're
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: kind of making it their business.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So mean that that part kind of comes back
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: to you a little bit.
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: Uh, where you can you can just there are ways
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: to just shut down a conversation. I mean you could
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: just be like Nope, we've never wanted.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Kids, yeah, or to be able to say like definitively
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: we are going to be having kids in exactly five years.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I have a milk jug of frozen sperm. It's in
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: the garage.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: Well, your's going to go bad by then? What if
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: your freezer breaks?
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: Do hurry up and get I've got the krim de
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: lachrime of turkey basters ready to go.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: I pray to Satan every day.
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: When he blesses us with a child, we're going to
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: be very happy.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, be like, well, we have a bigger problem.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: Actually, don't have, don't have ever mind never mind. People
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: do feel but I feel like and this is you know,
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that everybody listening to this has already thought this.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, saying anything interesting here, but it's true.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: This is I feel there is a huge double standard
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: here where women It is socially acceptable for any fucking
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: person you're coworker, anybody that barely knows you to just
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: comment on ship like this yeah or fucking yeah, just
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: like it's just there's no fucking boundary where it's like, oh,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: are you gonna have a pre problem? Yeah to you,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: like what the fuck are you doing? But like yeah, no,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: just it's there's no boundary here. And you know, like
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: it's tricky because like I appreciate that that in in
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: the world that women live in, there there is a
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: lot of conversation about a lot of this stuff and
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: it isn't for boten like you know, like talking about
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: relationships or like how are you and if like you know,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: you're getting your hair done in your hair, just was like,
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: how is everything? You're like, ah, you know, we're having
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: a hard time. That is not weird to bring up,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: you know, Whereas if I just say that shit to
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: my barber, it's like fuck, like the temperature just dropped
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: ten degrees, Like neither of us was okay with me
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: being so honest. I feel like women are more comfortable
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: talking about that stuff. It's not weird to do it.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: But unfortunately the side of that sort is like yeah,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: and then people fucking feel like they have permission to ask.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I do feel like some of the choices that
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: I have made in my life up to this point,
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: like other people who think more traditionally, would not have
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: agreed with. There's a lot of pushback. When I finished
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: grad school and instead of jumping into maybe an internship,
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: we went and lived abroad and I just taught fourth grade.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: Fore you really right? And I remember, you know, people
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: being like, oh, you're wasting your degree or you're doing that,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Like there will be feedback from people that care about
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: you and think they're helping. And when you live in
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: Midwest type of towns, everyone cares about you. Right, You
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: have a community, you have townspeople I think Nick, you
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: can comment were that like who just kind of know
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: your business so they feel they have a right to comment.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: On where Like the male man's like, Nick, I really
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: need to talk to you about your life choices, you.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: Know, I just I think know the male man is.
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: I bet your mom like probably knows her.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: The male.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: A male woman. First of all, a male person, male person.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: Is it a male male person or a female male man?
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: It was a male male person, but that's a female
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: But honestly, oh my god, reminded me of something I
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: kind of wish she would have because here's the thing.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: Nobody's going to carry that package.
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: Somebody just happened this past week on the edge of
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: right now.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Sidebar.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: So I told you, I told you guys off air
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: a couple of weeks ago about the baseball. Yeah, so
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: sent that in to get it graded, and it's being
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: sent back to the house.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, real quick, t ld R for the audience. There
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: is a special rookie Nolan Ryan baseball card in the family,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: and we've discovered this and now there is a checking
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: of its veracity to make sure it has value.
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: And then there's a question of who in charge now,
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: and that and I'm not going to get into any
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: of that one, but I just did thank you. Go on,
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: so it got crated being sent back. Okay, I get
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: a call from FedEx. Yeah, they're like, hey, yeah, we
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: can't deliver this because this address doesn't exist. Okay, the
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: house number is right, Yeah, the street number is right.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: And in my hometown, the house number, street number is
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: followed by what quadrant of the town northeast, southeast, southwest, northwest.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, there's we're supposed to.
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: Go supposed to go to northeast, but they had it
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: shipped to southwest.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: And they couldn't figure it out.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm like, okay, my mom could open the
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: door and just yell and say hey, I'm over here,
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: because the entire town is like four blocks, like, there's
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: no reason where is She's like, this is fat X.
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: We don't take those kind of leaps. We're not you're
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: not in the business and making assumptions. So they ended
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: up shipping it back. So anyway, nobody where is the
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: north And I get from their perspective, okay, that's probably
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: the right thing to do. You don't just drop it
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: off at the address that's the closest you know, but
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: still I was like, oh god now, and then I
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: had to call faed Ax in facts is like, well,
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: are you the shipper? It was like yeah I was.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: Because if you're not the shipper, then you can't change
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: the ad. I had call the Baseball card grading company
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: and have them do it as a anyway. Sorry.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: Small towns they know your business.
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: They know your business. And see that's the thing, like
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: if that was not FedEx, if that was just the
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: local postman, yeah he My mom or my grandmother, My
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: grandmother lived in a town that was half the size
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: of the one I grew up in. Yeah, okay, she
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: was the postmaster general. Okay, I'm not kidding. She worked
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: for the ups us ps like that. That town was
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: like the hotel would that strange hats?
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: I'm the judge would literally the mayor.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: She would, and she would get letters all the time
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: that would just be addressed to grandma okay, and she
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: would just look where it came from and she's like, oh,
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: this is so and So's grandson.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: No way, and then she figured it out. Yeah she
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: could just do that. It's like, that's fantastic.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: I like, but that's the that's small town culture. Everybody
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: knows your business. Everybody thinks that, and they take it
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: up like it like it's a challenge, like, oh, you're
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: struggling with this. Oh you don't understand. Here's how this works, Like, oh,
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: you think you have to finish your degree before you
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: have kids. Oh, let me help you out. Let me
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: set the record straight for you. No, you don't need
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: to do it. See, aren't you glad I'm here. I
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: can steer you in the right direction. And just the
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: idea of like of like, oh no, I'm going to
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: wait until after that's such a foreign concept.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't do that.
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: Here's why they just they like, well, why would you
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: do that? I like, like it would not cross their mind.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: You know, when he's point about region, I think does
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: matter because I do think that there's like a West
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Coast thing of like, I think that the dig on
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: the West Coast is that it's hard to make friends.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: People are pretty detached. They're not necessarily like into your life.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: And and I think that that would play to the
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: advantage of the writer in this situation, right, because if
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: you told somebody like, oh, do you all have kids? No,
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: we probably will one day though. Great, So sushi like
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: you know that that's the end, Like nobody is a
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: fuck that's the end of that conversation.
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: If it's your neighbor, they're just like, Okay, cool, now
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: that we got that out of the way, I need
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: you to move your move your garbage cat.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Nobody talks to their neighbors except Whitney for whatever fucking reason.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Whitney's like trying to form boards with her fucking neighbors.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: And I talked to my neighbor today, did you Steve? Okay?
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: How Steve do Steve's good? We don't talk about Steven
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: though we don't.
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: Is he happy?
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: He's good?
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Show?
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: Is he having kids that he's had several? I don't
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: think he's gonna have more sleep on that, Steve. You
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: gotta keep going. You don't want to run out your seed?
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Is your responsibility to God?
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: Geez?
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I just I've found that if
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: you give just a no, and whether that's true or not,
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: if it's none of their business, it doesn't really matter,
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: does it how true it is? Like, I don't know
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: unless it's your parent.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: Is that part of the politeness culture of that region though,
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: that you feel like you have to say more that
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: you can't just say no because then you see me.
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I can speak for myself. Yes, like it.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: You don't want to be perceived as rude, so you
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: don't want to just give a one word answer because
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: then you become you're cold and stand office.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, So here's what I do. I don't know if
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: it's right or wrong, but they don't tend to ask more,
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: even when I can see behind their eyes they might
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: want to or will say more whether you agree with
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: this or not normally, like oh are you are you
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: Peter gonna have kids? I'm always like no, And it's
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: just kind of a plastered smile and it's like trailing
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: off to where you could be touching on a sensitive
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: topic you don't know, and then they drop it and
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: they look and they're like you untill they want to
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: a little bit, but yeah they don't.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, Like I don't know.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: I know it's a little but it's like no, yeah,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: it is kind of it is kind of your way
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: of like that, like crying and running out of the room. Yeah,
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: it's you're sending a you're kind of sending a message
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: like this is a really sticky subject. Yeah, I'm not
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: going to make a scene, but if you push me
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: any harder, I like that one.
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: I know, I think that's a solid movie.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: It's been working, so I don't know.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: That's why advice from personal Do you have one of
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: those for the house part?
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: I know the house part that one, I would just
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: be more I don't know, I don't want to say aggressive,
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: but a little more assertive with that and uh, yeah,
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: we're just ready to move on or yeah, we we
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: just we want to live somewhere different. I mean, if
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: you it's kind of like talking about feelings. You can't
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: argue with someone's feelings. It's like, I guess you can
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: argue with someone's wants, but not really, it's just, oh,
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: we want something different.
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: Also, I think that a lot of factors play into
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: this kind of stuff, because I feel like if like
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: the writers talking about how they're doing really well, they're
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: into their careers and they don't really have other responsibilities
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: right now, so like they're building right yeah, And I
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: feel like when you're in that that mindset, it's like, Okay,
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: we're trying to get like the maximum amount of house
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: we get afford, but we're trying to make some big
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: moves here, and that could be unsettling to people that
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: know you are like, but y'all are just getting started,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: like you know, you just get like a sensible starter house,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: you know whatever, and it's like, hey, don't worry about
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: my finances, like we've got this.
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I will agree agree with those people who I
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: didn't think about that. They're like, oh, well, your house
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: is so great, look at it, like I know it is. Yeah,
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: you just say that it is great and we're going
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: to move.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: We the sex Dungeon is not nearly big enough.
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: There's a whole show about sex Dungeon.
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: There's so many, so many ways to be passive aggressive
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: with this too, like yeah, oh, this house is so wonderful.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: It would be wonderful for someone like you.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: And you think, I think you.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: Be in burial griss.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: Haunted, so you tell me how great it is.
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: I think that, Like that's part of it. I think
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: I think part of it is just that, like, especially
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: if if you happen to have resources that other people
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: in the community do not, and especially if you're younger,
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: like older generations are going to be looking at you.
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: People can afford bigger or more.
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: House and they're just they're just like, oh no, this
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: is this is a waste of money. You should be
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: doing this, and yeah, it's it's hard. I think it's
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: hard for people to see that, and so part of
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: it may just be frustration or jealousy on their part
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, I think the best available answer
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: was Whitney's like trailing off, like find find a way
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: that sort of subtly implies none of your Yeah, but
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: I really like that angle because like the anger angle
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound like it would feel natural the writer doesn't.
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: That feels like I know they mean no harm. I'm irritated,
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: but I don't want to be that person. But I
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: really like the other angle of making it like you're
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: you're hurting me, Like please, don't ask more questions. This
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: hurts me. I'd like to talk about something else. Because
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: people are they're already quite polite, they're interested in your life,
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: they're intrusive, but if they sense that, like oh shit,
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: I'm stepping on your feelings, there's this jumping back of
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: like no, no, no, I'm sorry, I don't want to
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: hurt you.
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: Are you?
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: Oh my god? And like, for the love of fucking god, America,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: don't ask women about pregnancy. I cannot tell you how
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: many people I have had who've been through a fucking
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: miscarriage or some shit. Yeah, and then like they just
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: randomly go meet new friends or they're like introduced to
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: their parents friends or whatever the fuck, and they're like, so,
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: when are you guys gonna be pregnant? And then like yes,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: just fucking starts crying and leaves, and everybody's like, oh
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: my god, what did I say? Like something that you
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: just shouldn't shut the fuck up about, like just somebody
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: else getting and there was a consequence for it.
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: If you're not prepared for handling that situation, you shouldn't
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: ask that question. It's like it's almost kind of like
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: jumping off of the high dive and then on your
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: way down realizing like, oh, I don't know how to swim, Yeah,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: maybe I should have done Like maybe, yeah, maybe I
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 3: shouldn't have done that.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: You know, It's funny because as therapists, even the way
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: we ask people is very round about and like we
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: need to ask because we're learning everything about them. Yeah,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: but if we talk to them and like we're sizing
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: them up and we're making certain judgments, we know we're
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: going to ask about their lifestyle and who's in their
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: life and if they have children. But even the way
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: we ask that tends to be very indirect and circular
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: and leaves lots of room for you to like have
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: ways out of that conversation, Yeah, to drop a hand.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and we can also handle that situation when it
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: goes bad, right, Yeah, so yeah, we've been trying to
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: have skills for three years. We've had, you know, miscarriages,
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: Like okay, yeah, you're right there, we can we can
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: deal with that. I think the other thing too, Like
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: I guess my approach would be a little bit different
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: in Whitney's and maybe this is just female versus a
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: male perspective, Like I would come at it very direct
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: in the sense that, like I think of the example
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: that I can relate to, which would be like finish
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: school versus having kids. But like, oh, well you should
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: have kids. No, I want to. I want to. I'm
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: want to finish my degree. Oh there's plenty of time
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: for that. Like my response to that would just be
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: like no, no, definitely not. I'm in it now, I'm
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: do this. I'm gonna get this done. Then don't worry
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: about that, so it's a lot more kind of what
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: you want. Yeah, like like no, I think your idea
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 3: is stupid.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: This is well kind like.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: Addressing your needs rather than getting into defending like what
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: they're saying. It's more like, oh no, the doctor's import
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: to me. This is really important, Like isn't It's just like, hey,
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: remember you're asking about my life, not what you think
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: is important like having kids or I shouldn't sell my
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: house or whatever, like yeah, it does center it back
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: on you, like, oh no, the doctor's important to me,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: and we love our life right now. It's it's been great.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: Well and coming back to like southern or Midwestern sensibilities,
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: the obvious move is just say God told me to fin.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: Oh absolutely no one can argue that I.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Told you God told me to do that. Oh well
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: fuck okay. It's kind of like ideography, like the plants
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: told me they want water from the toilet. Watch that plants.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: I know, yeah, but they need electrolyze.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Plants. Grave.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: No, no, they told me they want water from the toilet. Yeah,
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: so just do that to the old.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: If if you want something that's like more aggressive than
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: just passive aggressive, you can go with the uh yeah,
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 4: my my mom asked me that question last week.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Wasn't any of her business either?
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't survive in a small town that way.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: Jacob, Well, I think if.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: You're you're a woman and you're talking to a man
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: and he says, oh, when you have a baby, then
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 4: you do the whole are you offer?
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: Make him really uncomfortable?
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 4: I mean yeah, I mean if it is a woman,
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: your lisbond looks fertile?
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: Are you.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: Mention it?
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: Kids? What are you?
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: What are you betting right now? Your average man?
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the questions back on them, like what is your
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: sperm count?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 4: Know?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: What's your calendar look like?
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's again we go back to the very first
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: thing that we said, which is just make it for them. Yeah,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 3: just make it so much more.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can understand why you'd ask that. I mean,
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: seeing is how you're pregnant right now and everything. Oh
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: you're not. Oh this is awkward now. It's almost like
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: we shouldn't have brought this topic up at all. Oh
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: my gosh, let's both agree out to talk about this
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: is why God made you ugly.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Blake Lively totally got in hot water because there's an
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: interview from years ago where she was pregnant with I'm
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: guessing one of her I don't know how many kids
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: she has. One of her children and the interviewer says,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: congratulations on your little bump, and she can see her
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: visceral reaction. She congrats on your bump. Yeah, but you
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: it was awkward. Yeah, there's a whole like lore behind
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: it that I won't go into, but it was inter
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: just I was like, oh, you pulled a Jacob.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's just common sense.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: Never ask someone if they're pregnant under under no circum
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 4: unless unless the circumstances, like I heard you were Pregnantcy.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: That's why it was a little controversial. I'm pregnant.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: You've given people permission, weird someone to be like, hey,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: I know you're getting fat.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's what most people said. They were like,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: you didn't say congrats on your pregnancy or your announcement.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: It was like your little bump, yeah, my body.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: But I do realize though, that, like how much a
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: lot of this is like small town Midwest stuff, because
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: like that's the thing is like I'm just kind of
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 3: imagining my hometown where not only does everybody know everybody else,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: but we don't think of each other as other people
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: in town. There, it's it's like their family.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you've known them their whole talk to them.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: As though it's like oh yeah, this is yeah exactly
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: and so yeah. I mean, like I'll never forget when
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: we went to we went back home. Laura's first time
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: back to Iowa or first time ever to Iowa, and
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: she just the incident. She couldn't get over. She couldn't
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: get over how we just when we go to somebody's house,
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: you just knock the door and walk in. You just
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: walk in, and you just walk in.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: The doors unlocked on everything.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know where my in laws live. And
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: that freaks me the funk out.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 4: Like their their friends would just come over and they
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: would just walk in and be like whoa, you know,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: like hey, you know, they're like yeah you do, and
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 4: I'm like good, I guess, like but completely got of.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 3: Jesus.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: Really, all your answers are it's all inside of mediocracy anyway. Writer,
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: it's a really relatable question. I think we're commiserating with
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: you more than anything.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 2: I think there's a real answer, But I do.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: Think that there's something of value to the instead of
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: having to have an awkward conversation with the same person
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: twice having a move that ensures that that one is done,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: you will not be doing this again the next time
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: you see them in a grocery store, having some kind
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: of move that is either direct or like Whitney was demonstrating,
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: like something that's kind of like an emotional whistle of
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: like please don't ask again kind of thing. Too sensitive.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: We're not that close. But I like the idea of
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: trying on one of those awkward things and in just
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: biting that awkward bullet once each time, because at least
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: that'll be less to go around whenever you circle back
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: around to see these people again eventually run out of people.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, and I'm thinking, you know, my original
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: goal by kind of trailing off with the no was
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: not to purposely make them think I have some super
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: sensitivity to that question. My original goal was just I
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: was like, do I even want to get into this
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: with them? Like, while I'm going through the process, I
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: was like, no, like drawing it out. But then I
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: realized they just wouldn't ask if you just draw it out,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: Like I was like, nine times out of ten they
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: just drop it. We're just like, okay, yeah, I don't know.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: I still get asked those questions people. But more kids, yeah,
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, which you know it's not where you're going
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: to have kids.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, are you enjoying raising Jacob? Yeah, they're nice kids,
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: they know how they know where the water shutting Jacob talks.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: He's going to send child support eventually, he's not going
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: to raise them. Somebody's got to do it. Yeah, no,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: but that comes up, you know, and I just, I.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 4: Mean might go to phrase just I'm out of the
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: baby business, you know, but then I show them that
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: the sect is gone.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll do it. So anyway, that sucks. You have
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: the children and they're always asking one more until you'll
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: hit like three and four. I think then people are like, wait,
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: you're having that many to stop?
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, get into that dugger level and yeah, like you
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: please don't have any more children. So yeah, sorry, writer,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: there is no clean cut solution to this, but yeah,
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: hopefully some tips there and at least you know you're
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: not alone. So hang out in the discord because I'm
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: sure that there will be lots of coming.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: I want to hear other people's comments to this. Really better.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: That's where the tea is. We're going to take a
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: quick break in when we come back, we're talking about
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: the unexpected drawbacks of being a therapist. You're listening to
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: pod therapy.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is Blocked brought to you. Bye, then done, Lulia,
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 3: Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, thunder Kruger, Falcon Scoop, Slurk by
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 3: the Fucker Sanator mcwoffle and Alina And if you would
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: like to sponsor the show like these wonderful people, go
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: to patreon dot com slash therapy and signed up to
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 3: become a therapy producer. Okay, here we go, pull up
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: the right document. Doing great, All right, we go, what
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: is the maximum number of golf clubs a player is
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: allowed to carry in their bag during a tournament?
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: Twelve, fourteen or sixteen? Jesus, those are all way more
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: than I thought. I know, they have a driver, a putter,
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: and then a wood and an iron, so it's like four.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: But then there's multiple numbers, so like I figure, there's
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: like five of those. I'm just thinking through my my
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: golf bag. Let me say, all right, I've got a
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: driver and that's one. I've got two fairway woods. What
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: the fuck I've got a putter, yeah, four, that's four.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: Then I've got what are the wedges I've got? There's
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: more a sand wedge five nine, eight, seven six, five
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: four to eleven. I think I have a two iron
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: as well. I've got a real steep iron. That's twelve.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: What were the options? Yeah?
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: What a options? Again?
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 3: I need ten, twelve, fourteen, sixteen, probably fourteen.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: I'll say sixteen.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say fourteen.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me land on fourteen.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: It is fourteen.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: There you go tell me one. Right, So good at
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: golf you are.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 2: Thanks all the people who've played. I played one full
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: around my whole.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: Life, one more than me.
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: It's so fun.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: What is the highest proof bourbon can be distilled before
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: it's considered something other than bourbon? Oh, one, one sixty,
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: one ninety or two hundred.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: Well, before it's not bourbon anymore. I thought bourbon was
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: like the way it was prepared and flavored. Way at
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: some point it's probably fuel.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna say one sixty.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think one sixty. All right, that feels right.
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going there too.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 3: One sixty.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: Yay.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: God, I'm so good at this game.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 4: Math that you guys did the math that I did
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 4: was I thought through some of the higher proof bourbons.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: That I have.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've heard them before, but I know I've.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: Got one that's like one fifty something. We don't have
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: any to higher than that.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 3: Last one, when recording a podcast, what is the typical
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 3: recommended sampling rate to ensure high quality audio? You were
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: asking the wrong podcast.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: Has multiple podcasts in here, so I look for that
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: twenty two.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 3: I'm guessing Kila hurts k is that forty four point one?
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: Killer Hurtz forty eight or ninety six?
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: One time I was guessing on that Vegas news show,
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: what's the thing called again?
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: The city one?
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: The city Vegas City, the City Castle's Vegas. And one
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: of the prep things the producer did with me is
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: they were like, hey, if you're whatever you're using to
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: record on your side, set it to that number.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: What was the number?
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: I don't find I think it was a twenty something.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: With that feels like that was a bad twenty two.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna guess forty four point one.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go twenty two.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: The questions for the ideal listening is.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 3: A typical recommended Also?
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: After this is done, what Jacob, do explain what the
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: fuck this even is?
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: Two one?
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: He can't even get any of the microphone questions, right, think, yeah,
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 3: that's true. True?
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: What was he rain manning on the like recently? Beside? Yeah,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: what was it's not the not the therapy questions like
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: before that, just like every single one.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, yeah, we just found
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: his little.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like, I got it. I don't know. I
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: just knew that was the answer was okay, Oh, I
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: don't know. I'm gonna I'm gonna come up with it later.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: All right, what's the answer, Jacob, Oh, the actual answer.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: To the question, My guess is they're going to say
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: forty four one.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: Damn it.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: Mine was twenty two. It is my guess, or the first.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 3: One forty four to one? Yeah, right?
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: All interesting?
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: What was Jim's was twenty two?
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: Jim?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: It was wrong?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: Whatever it was, whatever.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: Safe assumption. I was on the lower end of that.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: Okay, you're up, Jim Oh.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: Question the unexpected Drawbacks of being a therapist from Andrew Langmead,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: long time support of the show. The other day, I
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: was thinking that therapists must wind up hearing movie spoilers
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: all of the time I was at a movie and
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: parts of it gave a very nostalgic feeling. In the
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: past ten or fifteen minutes of the film, or in
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: the last ten or fifteen minutes of the film, a
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: huge plot twist that was a huge emotional gut punch
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: happened to me. I left the movie in tears. Once
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: I reached the car, I was thinking about how I
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: might describe the event to a therapist, but was thinking
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: there was no way to explain it without spoiling the
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: big plot twist. But also, I'm not going to talk
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: about it because describing the event and the emotions behind
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: it seems like it might be an important part of therapy.
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 1: So I sort of left it thinking that as a
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: one that as a one, very very minor trade off
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: in a career as a therapist is a slightly higher
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: likelihood that your clients will spoil movies for you. Every career,
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: in particular, job choices always have their advantages and disadvantages,
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: and sometimes someone from the outside wouldn't think of one
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: or more obscure ones. Are there any weird advantages or
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: disadvantages to being a therapist that some not involved in
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: that industry would never think of thanks fun question. That's
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: a good one to end on like that. Too much sex?
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, women throwing bannies at you all day.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 3: That's why we got into podcasting.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: Ladies Enough wearing a pondo everywhere really.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: Nailed it so true. It is oh my gosh, have
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 2: you ever thought about.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: This gym movie? Spoiler? Thing is real?
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, I was thinking about this, and I have not
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: had that happen yet. Surprisingly, I don't think I've had
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: clients talk about shows that were like obscure or and
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: then I'm like, oh, I want to watch that now
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: so I might write it down. Yeah, But yeah, I
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: had a client this week mentioned The Joker, but they
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: didn't tell me what happened because it didn't. That wasn't important.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: They're just like, oh, I went to the movies or whatever.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: But I don't hear a lot of oh my gosh,
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: this movie impacted me so much and here is the spoiler.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: I get that. Well, here's what I do in that situation.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 3: I stop them and I say, here's what I want
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: to focus on. I want you to focus on how
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 3: you reacted to it. Yeah, so tell me your feelings
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: without going into details. Damn it.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: I see that people Bruce will oh yeah.
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: Time this does come up. The movie spoiler thing is
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: for real. But I think there are other, like, you know,
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: just random ass disadvantages I mean to like every career.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: One of them for me is the fear that I
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: will bump into people in the wild. I do, and
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: that's happened. I've gone to get my haircut and it
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: turns out that the one available.
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 3: Person was a patient.
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: Someone just told me today. This morning at brunch. I
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: was at my brunch book club with other therapists, and
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 2: one of the girls there was like, oh, this client
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 2: I'd met with her son and my friend met with
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 2: the mom or whatever. But she was like buying a
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: washing machine or something like your dishwasher, and she was
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: like it wasn't until I was checking out and I'd
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: like seeing her name was like, oh my gosh, I
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: totally worked with Oh yeah, no.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 3: And that that actually is.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: It's it's funny because like it can just happen and
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: just kind of go okay, well whatever, it's not a
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: big of a deal. But like there's especially in Vegas.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: Part of the fun of living in Las Vegas is
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: the world class entertainment that you have and all these
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: shows and these wonderful things. But then these are real industries,
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: as are real people. They go have healthcare providers and
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: then if you end up working with them, from that
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: moment on. For many of us, that show is off
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: like I can't see a lot of things in a way. Okay,
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: well that that's I can't do that anymore.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 4: Like it's just not available, and so it's just really tough,
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 4: Like I can't go to any strip club in Vegas,
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 4: you know, yeah, I mean what about me?
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: But what does that have to do with therapy? Though?
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: That's because.
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 3: Patients just's a little handsy.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just have been bounced at this point. But that's
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: I think that's a real disadvantage where I don't think
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: any other profession has that, Like if you're a dentist
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: or a cardiologist, you're not like, oh, I can't go
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: see this show because I have a patient there. In fact,
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: you probably got comped tickets to that show and you
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: don't give a fuck. You could go see the show.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah I could. The show one is a little that's
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: it feels like a stretch on your end' it's case
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: by case, but like again, it's it's showing up to
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: their workplace, and I have to be mindful of that.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: So like it just it does make me eerie. Now
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: you all know, I'm not a guy who wants to
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: go see a bunch of it anyway. I'm happy sitting
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: home playing video games.
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 3: It just.
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 2: Weird.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: This is just an excuse on Jim's part.
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I can't.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, movie spoilers is a thing. I think, just spoilers
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: in general, like for books, Like there's just so many things.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: This might sound bad. I don't care about spoilers so much.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 2: Half the time, I just forget what they've said about
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: that book or movie, Like to him anyway, Yeah, I
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 2: know I was doodling.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, who are you?
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: I will literally watch movies and if some years pass
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh I forgot how this ends or
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: like what happens here, Like I forget a lot of
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 2: the movie. I don't know if that's what that sounds
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 2: about me in general, but movies or things like that,
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: I just experience it. This is my opinion. I experienced
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: it when it's happening, and then I'm just like, all right,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: it doesn't stick with me. So when someone tells me
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 2: a spoiler unless it's something really intense or very specific.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm just like, okay, I'll listen and
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: just be there listening, and then I'm I don't think
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: about it again.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, that's fair. Yeah, I know a lot of
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: people like that, and I think it's a gift.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: Like I'm thankful for it, to be honest.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 4: Like the other day, I was talking to my wife
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 4: and I was like, I was talking about my daughter
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 4: had asked us a question about like Abraham Lincoln, and
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 4: so I was like, oh, she has this really cute
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 4: question of the day, and so she's just telling me
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 4: a story about our little girl.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's really funny. And then I was like, oh, yeah,
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: you know, do you remember that scene in Lincoln the movie?
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: And she's like, oh, no, I've always wanted to see
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: that movie. I was like, you have seen it twice, Okay,
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not that bad. Well how do you not remember?
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: It's just like, no, we've seen this movie. Was like,
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: that's what you said the second time I made you one,
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: and just you're like, oh, I really want to see
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: that movie, like.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 3: You've seen it.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about that after. I had some
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: thoughts about that.
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: It's always really funny because like at the end of
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 1: these movies, that's when she'll be like, oh yeah, now
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: I remember, like, oh when the fucking credits roll. That's
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: whenever you suddenly click and then they're like, oh yeah,
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: this part. This is the least thing about Jim that
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 1: his daughter has blocked that in her mind. That was right, No,
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: but like another disadvantage. I was just thinking about this
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: the other day because it is today. Actually I was
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: at the store doing some grocery shop and as I
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: was getting ready for my Great Grill Extravaganza, which went splendid,
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: but I got conversational with this guy in one of
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: the aisles. We both had our Raiders stuff on, and
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: so he's like chatting with me about it whatever. We're
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: getting along and you know, it's just being really nice.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: It's really friendly, and I found myself struggling a little bit,
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: like and I don't know that this is a universal thing,
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 1: but I think there's a percentage of this that Eddie
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: Therapist could somewhat relate to. But I'm sure a large
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: portion of Jim just being an erotic mess. But like
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: usually usually that's it, but like there was a part
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: of me that's like, sometimes it's hard to interact with
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: somebody and do that in my most natural way that
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: is not therapy therapist. Yeah, and so like I don't
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: cause and it's not it's tricky because it's not like
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: these skills become part of how you just talk to people. Yeah,
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: But then like in my mind, I'm like, no, Jim,
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: don't use those, don't do that, just just be you.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: But then I'm like, who am I Like, I don't
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: know how to be me in an objectively friendly way.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: There's a handful of people in my life I do
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: that with pretty much. It's you three, Like I don't
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: really have anybody else. I just can just go to
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: a bar with completely be myself. And it's a very
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: strange reality that I've associated with the career that I
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: sometimes have a hard time like knowing how to fully
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: not have any of that present. But then I think like, well,
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: maybe that's not a good thing, Like maybe these are
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: nice skills that I should use in my friendships. But
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: then I worry that my friendships aren't real because then
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if this guy really likes me and we're
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: getting along and he wants to be friends? Does he
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: really want to be friends with me? Or did I
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: therapy his ass? And I did the joining thing, which
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: is great as a skill if you're trying to save
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: somebody's life or change their life. That's a really gifted therapist,
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: but hard to know if you're authentically forming true friendships
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: when you have that ability. Does that make sense?
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 2: It does?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 4: It?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 3: Does?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 2: I just spoke with someone else felt something similar. Yeah,
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: recently were I had to outright tell them you're valued
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 2: not because you ask questions because you're a therapist. They
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 2: were actually not at therapy, but like they were doing
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 2: the same skills, and to some extent it almost gets
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: like kind of annoying. I'm like, just be you, like
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: I can tell you're not being you, like, just be
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 2: your authentic self and will care about you and love
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 2: you anyway. But it's hard when you've built a relationship
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 2: from that to test those waters and be like, Okay,
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 2: if I'm not mister therapy or talking to you in
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: a certain way or style or tone, are you still
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 2: going to appreciate me and value me and be my friend? Yeah?
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: That's hard.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know as if I've ever had that issue.
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't really either, but yeah, because.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: I think for me, I never looked at it as like,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: you know, the things that you learn as far as
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: skills that you can bring into therapy. I've never looked
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: at it as like this will make me a better therapist.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 3: I've looked at it as like this will make me
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 3: better at having a conversation, right, and then having a
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 3: conversation makes me a better therapist. Yeah, also makes me
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 3: just a better conversationalist. Yeah, So I don't feel like
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 3: I have to separate the two if I'm not doing therapy,
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 3: because it's not therapy, it's just I'm I'm genuinely interested.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 3: So I feel like it's changed the way that I
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 3: talk to people. But I still don't feel like I'm
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 3: therapizing or anything. I don't have that distinction anymore because
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 3: it both of them feel genuine. Like if I felt
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 3: like I was being disingenuous and I was implementing some
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 3: sort of CBT or focused or something like that, if
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: I felt like that, then yes, I feel like that
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 3: would be to me, it's just about being genuine versus
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 3: not genuine.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do feel like I do I'm gonna come back.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 2: I Yeah, I tend to not, but I do sometimes
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 2: and sometimes with friends all even kind of preps that
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 2: are asked, and like if they go into something that's
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: they're really struggling with, I'll kind of start preps like, hey,
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 2: I do have some feedback. It's kind of like therapy feedback,
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, Hey, I'm about to
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: kind of ask you because that's the best way I
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: know how to handle this. And so I sort of
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 2: either get consent or like warning, Hey, this is not
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 2: so much friend with me, Like that's just gonna be
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 2: like yeah, fuck that or whatever.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: Like I think for me, it's part of the problem.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: And this is again probably just gym neurotic stuff. Not
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: to publish the profession, but the bulk, Like when I
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: think about the amount of human.
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 4: I'm just agreeing, but I'm supporting supporting me, thank you, Jim,
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 4: just agree.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 1: I'm just supporting Jim's view on this, buddy. If you
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: add up all the hours of interaction with other humans
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 1: I've had in a month, it is so overwhelmingly therapeutic.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: Like if it's with students, if it's with patience, if
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: it's here on this show, like that tone is coming
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: out so much that there's only a few interactions I'm
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: having with family or off air with you guys that
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: like isn't and so it becomes this other part of
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: me that I lose touch with, and like I just
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: I have trouble remembering what that guy says.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah that is that's true. Yeah sad, Yeah, I you
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 2: reminded me of something I hadn't realized till recently. Is
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 2: I have an effect that happens that's not exactly what
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 2: you just shared, but similar where I love calling my
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: friends and catching up and hearing about their lives and
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 2: sharing my life. Like I have a lot of long
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 2: distance friends, maybe like Nick you said, you have friends
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 2: that live like in a bunch of other states. So
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 2: for me, I really value that reconnection time. It might
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 2: only happen every couple of weeks, but also been like
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 2: two hours on the phone with a friend that I
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: haven't talked to in like two or three weeks. But
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 2: what I realized is once I really like got into
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: private practice some years ago, is my like I don't know,
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 2: like fuel tank or whatever to be able to do
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: that with my friends greatly diminished, Like my time off
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: now is I kind of want to just do my
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 2: own thing. I want to watch my show and to
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 2: read my book. I want to get in my pool
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 2: or like you know, I just don't take a nap.
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Like my off time, I have much
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: less of a desire to connect with my friends, which
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 2: makes me sad. So I feel like that is a
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 2: negative that I've kind of taken away from being a therapist.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: Is like I love to do that, but the juice
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 2: is used.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: Like it's all the connection muscle has been fully flexed.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 2: I haven't read no desire to reconnect with my friends
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: for a while, so that has gone longer or been
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: shorter when I do talk with them. So that is
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 2: a weird experience. And yeah, when you feel like your
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 2: value in your friendships a lot of time has been
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: that therapy muscle. Like you said, Jim, it's like, oh
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 2: are we okay? We're good?
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: I called and got There's there's definitely some of those
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: disadvant I mean, obviously there's so many advantages you know,
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 1: to being in the profession as well totally getting to
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: meet so many diverse people.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 2: That's the double edged sword though, because then you can't
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 2: tell anyone about all. I mean, you can like give
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 2: some vague.
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: Like I just of having like this first hand window
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: into so unique lives, yes, and so like I'll be.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 2: Watching occupations yeah, or they'll be.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: Like, oh this happened, and like I know what they're
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: talking about, Like oh my god, that wouldn't work this way.
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 1: They would have to do this, and it's like how
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: the fuck do you know that? And it's like, well, yeah,
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: I mean I've had somebody that I've worked with and
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: I know they're intimate truth and like yeah, that's that's
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: what they've told me life is like, and yeah, okay,
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: and just that's really cool, Like wow, I know so
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: many interesting things and different people. That's really neat.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 2: I do feel like the occupation thing is real. I mean, yeah,
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 2: I've learned about like factories and like I don't know, banking,
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: like all these weird things that.
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: You think you know about and then you meet somebody
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 1: who really does it. They're like what is being a maleman?
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: And like they're telling about the real thing. They're like,
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 1: oh wow, I never thought twice that I never would
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: have thought. Like I was talking to a guy the
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: other day. He's telling me about delivering for a ups
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 1: version of a company and he wasn't union and he's
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: explaining gets paid per stop and it's pennies per stof
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: and like what that is like in how the metal
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 1: in the vehicle is too hot to touch Oh my god,
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: because it's all shine and so you can't make skin contact.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: And you also can't wear long sleeves because the vehicle
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 1: won't shut. There's no air conditioning because you have to
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: hop in and out every single stop, and just explain
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: it to me. It's like I would have never thought
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: about that. And he's just telling me. I'm like, wow,
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: like that and he's like, Bro, you don't know what
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: life is like until you've done ten hours doing that.
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 2: I do not much respect. Wow, you know that respect.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: That's one of the cooler things.
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think one of the downsides is for me,
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 3: and this has been years, like I haven't done clinical
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 3: work in like six years, but it was always concern
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 3: or fear of running into somebody right out in public.
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 3: It's just an awkward situation. I just don't want it
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 3: to happen. Or like if I'm yelling at somebody while
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 3: they're cutting me off in traffic and then you follow
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 3: that person into the parking lot because you're going to
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 3: work or whatever. It's like, oh that ship, that's that's
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 3: so that happened to me.
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: So this was a while ago, so I can talk
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 3: Maybe this is where I got it. I think you've
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 3: told me.
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: So I was on a summer vacation. Was this last summer,
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: and I had a patient who lived in Vegas and
• 1:29:17
  Speaker 1: they moved to California and uh, and so I still
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: talk to them and keep in touch with them in California.
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm I'm traveling through California and this patient knew
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: like I had seen them the week before, and I
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: was like, Oh, I'm going to be in your town.
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm really excited to go visiting, like oh,
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: and they give me recommendations like oh, you know, if
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 1: you get a chance, this is a great restaurant blah
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: blah great and so you know, but this is a
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: major US city and so like great, bye, and then
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: I'm driving through this place. And then the next session
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: I see the dude. I totally saw you, and I
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 1: was like, are you sure? He goes is your car?
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: This is this your plate of Like yeah, yeah, he
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 1: knew the plate because he saw the Vegas plate, you know,
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 1: and he's like, you know, I, you know, I noticed
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: the plate, so I wanted to ask if that was you,
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: and so I memorized it and so like, you know,
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: and I called a friend at the police department. Yeah,
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 1: you're kidding me. It was like on a freeway in California,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I hope I didn't do anything stupid,
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 1: like I was just with my family in vacation. But
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, I mean obviously I just saw you,
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 1: Like that's it.
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 2: So that's so funny.
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, No, that is so fucking random, like that can
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 1: totally happen. Yeah, which doesn't scare me. I don't think
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: it's that bad like it happens for me. My biggest
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 1: fear is that I will do something wrong mismanaged. I
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 1: I just don't want them to feel bad that I've
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 1: shown up or like I've invaded their space or you know.
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: That's my biggest thing is like, oh shit, I forgot
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: you do work at this restaurant. I didn't know it
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 1: was this one, you know, But then are they going
• 1:30:45
  Speaker 1: to feel like, wow, you didn't listen well enough to
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 1: me Jim to know that this is the one I
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: work at. And I mentioned you the other day that
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 1: I work on weekends and you fucking still can and like,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: I know, oh no, you.
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 2: Know, it's like a lot for us to remember. But
• 1:30:55
  Speaker 2: I do feel bad when I forget something or I
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 2: feel like I should have known, and like, you know.
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 1: I'm obviously overthinking it, like most people give a fuck,
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 1: like if they see us in the wild. There's like hi,
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 1: which has happened to me too, like where I've shown
• 1:31:07
  Speaker 1: like hey, everybody, this is my therapist gym. I'm not
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: legally allowed to do that, but I guess you can.
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: Like I can't do that, so they can. Yeah, they
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 1: do it. They their truth. But anyway, that's the cool.
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 2: Stories, cool cool lives. The movie spoilers.
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 1: I don't care about that, but I think it would
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: be really hard to be a single therapist and be
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: on like Tinder and that.
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, I do think about this. I had a client
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 2: that like once who was in healthcare, and they were like,
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 2: I cannot go on. They're trying to make friends, but
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 2: I can't even go on there because I'm probably going
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 2: to run into these people the population I work with,
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 2: And I was like, shit, you will I was like,
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know, it's how do you make friends?
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: Then that is so I would imagine that is so
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: I don't tell you about that. Oh no, met Laura.
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I have come across on dating apps, not clients,
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 3: but other people in the field, you know. But then
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 3: there's one time I was this is probably four or
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 3: five years ago with a friend and We're at a
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 3: bar listening to a band or whatever. And I'm sitting
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 3: there just minding my own business at the bar. Bartender
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 3: comes up and gives me a drink. Says, the young
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 3: lady over there bought you a drink.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, that's very because that's never
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 3: happened to me. Is a great deal, And but I
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 3: was I was dating Laura at the time. I think
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 3: we've been together for a couple of years.
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 1: He poured the drink out. No stranger.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 3: To talk to you in love we have I just
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 3: ran out.
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: So I was nice about it.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 3: So I went over and I introduced myself. I said, hey,
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 3: thank you for the drink. I appreciate this. I said,
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 3: I actually have a girlfriend, but I do. That's very nice.
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 3: And she's like yeah, She's like, I saw you over
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 3: there and I just, you know, my friends kind of
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 3: put me up to it. I was like, oh, that's
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 3: very nice, and so just kind of struck up a conversation. Yeah,
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 3: and you know, talking about work or whatever, and she's like, oh,
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 3: I just I do grant writing or whatever. I just
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 3: work for this nonprofit thing or whatever on and I
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, really, what what's the nonprofit? And she
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 3: said what it was? And it's a program that I
• 1:33:37
  Speaker 3: oversee over.
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 1: And now you've taken a bribe.
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 3: So yeah, so that was.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: Time was really up to. Yeah, now you see that's
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 1: that's called the honeypot nick. You're supposed to be smarter
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 1: and you go out of those files. And she's like,
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 1: it'd be a real shame if anybody found out about
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: that time.
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the dating app thing would be a big negative.
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 2: That is interesting.
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: That would be so hard. So, like if you ever
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 1: go onto the subreddit for therapists that comes up all
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: the time, like you'll see people on the like I
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 1: saw my therapist on a dating app, and like, you know,
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 1: they have all sorts of reactions to it, right, like
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 1: sometimes the predictable one of like do I shoot my shot?
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 1: You know, Like I mean they're there, I'm here, we're
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 1: clearly both available. Why shoot my shot? Like what are
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 1: the rules?
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 3: So that comes out?
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 1: Or things like I don't feel comfortable with this, like uh,
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 1: I know too much? Yeah, or like whatever you know,
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 1: or they have a friend that dated that person, but
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 1: like they're not nobody, We've never connected those dots. But
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 1: then they listen to friend tell a story about guy
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 1: they went on a date with or whatever, and it
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 1: turns out, holy shit, that's my therapist. And now they're
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: like it's weird. You know, I could just see it
• 1:34:54
  Speaker 1: is a very different reality than any other healthcare profession,
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: where it's just very normal.
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 3: To yeah, if you see your dentist on that nobody
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 3: gives a shit.
• 1:35:02
  Speaker 1: They just go out and do whatever.
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 1: Just I don't know.
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 4: I scream loudly, ugly cry and run from the room
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 4: if I see my dentist in public.
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 2: That's a you're going to say you saw your therapists
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 2: in public. I was like, they chase you on. Wait,
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: let's talk about it.
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the dentist does not chase you down. No, no,
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 1: they let you go. That's the one that got away. Anyway,
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 1: Good questions here today as we wrap up the show.
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: When we remind you can send a Patreon dot com
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 1: slash Therapy can get the extended show add free a
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: day earlier, as well as enjoy our live chat discord
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 1: community and our weekly deep dives interviews, skill shares, research
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 1: roundups and rants. And we've got some well, we've got
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: one very important new person.
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 3: Well just as we're talking about deep dives and whatnot. Yes,
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 3: if any message from uh intern Emma, Yes, if any
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 3: of you have some ideas for some deep dives that
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 3: you would want Jim or Emma to cover, Yes, reach
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 3: out through discord.
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: Yep, we have a channel called suggestion Box.
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, and there is uh I'm sure Emma.
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, so yeah, they outline it is great.
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so we've got we've got some stuff coming.
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: Intern Emma, who is a licensed therapist, is developing awesome content,
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 1: Like just the writing on this is so cool, really
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: cool deep dives into all sorts of stuff that people
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 1: ask about all the time. It's going to become a
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 1: library resource. I'm really excited for it.
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 3: So if you have any ideas, reach out.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 1: To Emma's also threatening to do interviews with all of
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: us and create a series where it's get to know
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 1: a host and good Luck takes questions. Yeah, I think
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 1: Emma's just in front of Jacob's house, just holding a mic.
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 1: This is happening. It's good fucking luck. I feel like,
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 1: don't listen to Nomatma. He would do it, he'd be
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: flat good.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 3: Anyway, what are the odds that you're going to have
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 3: a deep dive posted two hours? Then just go ahead
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 3: and move one of the from your stash that you've
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 3: got until next year. Yeah, I'm thru February. I'm done
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 3: through February. But here's the thing. Just move one. Don't
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 3: move all of them because some of them are time sensitive.
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I'll move one. Thank you, you're very generous.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: Speaking of generous, we want to thank all of our
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: therapods and supporters at patreon dot com slash Therapy because
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: it's the first show of the month, so we want
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 1: to think of therapods. Sam Cone University, Jeff Robert Paulson, Polygon, Colin,
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: Richard Bruins, Scoops or Not, Corey Owens, Joseph pan Grazzio,
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: Christine Phillips, Gavin Bristow, Carrie ter Hark, Stacy Westerland, Kiwi Fruit, Scoop,
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: Take It, Evy Podcast, James K. Craig, Little Don Door,
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 1: Jim Hunter, Scoopatron, Todd Canfield, Felicia Butler, David Sorensen, Shayla Bullock,
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 1: Lauren Izzo, Dacy Coleman, Adam Pettanouzzo, Matt's Lenegrin scoopingter Isscending,
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 1: Ian Soto, Jessica Seipher's Lee, Popsicleed That, Josh Guy, Doctor Scoop,
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: Little Mom and Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Sarah Olo, Grumpy Lake,
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 1: Mead Park Ranger, Sam Buck, Karen McCulloch, What Weekend, s Nobody,
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 1: Lilah Bige, Do Crimes, Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emra, Matthew Johnson,
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 1: Alec Lancaster, j D Congen, a Literal Pickle, Matthias Vanda Brandt,
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 1: James Hubbell, Andreas Savadra, Molina, max A Ginger, Scoop, Ken Tinsley, Chimist,
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 1: Julius Cappel, Stacey Protect and Scoop, Smells Funny, Matthew Cubic,
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 1: Chad Chad the Safety, lad Walker, Fluke, Philip Guiton, Tim
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 1: Mystery Almost Doctor, Nurse Joy Duffy, the Slowly getting their
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 1: Therapist Bear, Joel McMillan, Christopher de Gersey, Kirka Grim, Tricia Ortiz,
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: Chris Conway, Melissa Geisler, Kirsten Johnson, dj Sewert, Mississippi Hippie,
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 1: Tiny Home Traveler, Scott A, Patty Glad Fife, Eli Freyolawson,
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 1: Heather W Kyle Todd, Ve, Anthony Camarada, David Williams, Kate Police,
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 1: Buddy Dobbins, Eric Dyer, Frontastic Glitch, Scoop, Aletta Blaiz, bug Nuts,
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 1: Stephen Land and shy ruperel Adam Blaze, Robert Cole, Kenneth Wong,
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 1: John Finlayson, Mysterious, annelid k J Mister Poth, Carmen Perry k, Pizzledizzle,
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 1: Temporary Reality, Jeff Darnell, Jamiebie, Jacob hurt Senstium, Persephonie Hazard,
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 1: Ray j Shark, Recreated, Jacob Billingsley, Silka Daniels, Nathan Mookie,
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: Jenny Rose, J W. Reynolds. What does scoop mean? A
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: krusty Croissant, Alex Tartine, Juan Monterey, Dylan Collapee, Wolfio five,
• 1:39:38
  Speaker 1: Nora Monico, Autrey, Johnson, Ben Sherman, Chris Courtney Dale, The King,
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 1: Cedar Hayden, Adam Goff, Jesse Miller, Livy Terrible, Tay Acrilla,
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: Curve Linushi Kaysson, Oh yeah, can any bitty chicken farmer?
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 3: And since Whitney is going to Italy on Saturday, she's
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 3: going to read the following names in Italian do it.
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: Scoop your hand, your hands.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 5: Cook pretty, Junr Andrea Anderson, scoop Lindsay.
• 1:40:26
  Speaker 1: For the record, she's doing the hand.
• 1:40:30
  Speaker 2: My voice is going to do.
• 1:40:31
  Speaker 5: This pros and Castler, Lori Almstrop, Robert war Linda, Branda Meyer,
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 5: Scoopy Scoopage just scoop, Dank Bottle brooks Lyle, Adam taking
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 5: a picture for doing this lovely spark mystery gentleman who
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 5: Adam Mourn Manuel.
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 2: I feel like that turned into.
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 1: With the hand pitch. That was the problem. That was
• 1:41:10
  Speaker 1: the big issue.
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 2: That was my hand.
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 3: That is so funny.
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 2: I need to practice that.
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 1: Sorry, We've got a new partner.
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 2: What they're a partner?
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 1: Damn time. Jake Schneider special Thanks to Jake Schneider, one
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 1: of our original their producers, has always really set the
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: standard and has just relentlessly supported us against all good judgments,
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 1: very confusing, very sad to cry for help.
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 3: Really, he's better to us than we deserve.
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, who's never been to Italy? I'm impressed, Thank.
• 1:41:55
  Speaker 3: You, thank you.
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: I don't get enough credit.
• 1:41:57
  Speaker 2: You speak the first best Italian.
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: Well, the first.
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 3: He has been to the Plaza.
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've also been to Italy. This doesn't get brought
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 1: up a lot.
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 2: I don't believe that that's a lie.
• 1:42:14
  Speaker 1: I went to high school. I went to against him.
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to go.
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 2: Somewhere.
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 1: Yes, it was a Greece, the Mediterranean Isles in Italy
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: on a month long high school trip. Oh my, that's
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: why I'm over the ship. You know. It's like, oh,
• 1:42:29
  Speaker 1: it's like he did it once. Yeah, it's fucking dumb.
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 2: Born in nineteen twenty five.
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's dumb. They ship you to Italy and make
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 1: you go to war. Just not cool. Who else am
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 1: I supposed to think?
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 1: Their producers, Oh, their partners. So we'd like to think
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 1: the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro therapy diehards who
• 1:42:48
  Speaker 1: love you all so much they give till it hurts
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 1: the therap partners to be a skin get it, get it,
• 1:42:57
  Speaker 1: get it, get in there with that ax, and we
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 1: want to especially think our boss is the mysterious and
• 1:43:03
  Speaker 1: shrouded Illuminati. Members of our fan club with their producers,
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Myra, Robert Brownie, Junior, Mint, Smitty Scoop, Ben Don,
• 1:43:09
  Speaker 1: Judy Schneider, Kayla Lansberry, Malia, Leon Cassab Mason Miller, Richard
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: Fucking Macy. There it is, Carolyn, Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller,
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 1: Sammy Scoop, Ben Stanley, Slap in your face, Sarah Smith,
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: Adam Hathaway, Builer, t Mike Helm, Paris, Darren Cunningham, Lib
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: Team Monaco, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Matt Lisa, Tanjman Hey o,
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: Oscar Swan, rose A, Sonny Boys, look at Kaye, motherfucker,
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 1: Sandra mcwoffle Dan Martin, Hanna, Marie Andrew Langmead, Emma Kin,
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 1: Elina Cody the DeLorean Guy.
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 3: If you would like to hear this episode, uncut and unadditive,
• 1:43:47
  Speaker 3: we broke Jacob and join our Spontana side projects, go
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 3: to patreon dot com slash therapy and thank you for supporting.
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 1: MIT's all that's all the time we get for this
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: week's session, we want to thank our landlords, Matt Maddingley's
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 1: ice Cream Social Podcast and thanks to those of you
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: who contributed to our show today. We really appreciate it. Remember,
• 1:44:04
  Speaker 1: pod therapy is something to keep all to yourself. Share
• 1:44:07
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• 1:44:10
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• 1:44:12
  Speaker 1: threads and Twitter at slash pot therapy on Facebook, and
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 1: don't forget about all the extra goodies at Patreon dot
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 1: com slash therapy. So do you want to submit a
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 1: question to the show.
• 1:44:21
  Speaker 3: You can ask anonymously at podtherapy dot net or email
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 3: us at podtherapy guys at gmail dot com. I'm next Tangement,
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 3: I'm Jim, Thanks and we'll see for appointment next week.
• 1:44:30
  Speaker 1: I'll speak the first most.
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 2: Italians speak, the second best Italian.
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: That is such a good movie man.