Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #110 Mystery Turds, Christmas Tantrums And A Duct Taped Foot

Transcript

#110 Mystery Turds, Christmas Tantrums And A Duct Taped Foot · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I've been going to the toilet before I go to bed.
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I go like twice, I prostate checked?
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Is that normal? Yeah, you're in your forties. Sorry, I
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: saw an opportunity and I took it.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Your wheezy laugh.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Like I just smoke a pack of stinks in the
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: way here. Do you not get up at all at night?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: I have been You need to get checked once, but
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: also me to check it for you. Yes, I panic
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: because I drink no water during the day before I
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: go to bed. I'm like, ah, better sculler. This is
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: so weird. Telepathy is weird. Go on.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I was literally in the car on the way here
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: drinking water, spiled it on myself and I thought to myself,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I never see matt drinking water and.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: It's waste time? Is it during the day? And then
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: you've just gone and telling me that you don't.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: This is weird.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Dotting Dads. I am Mattie Jay
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and I'm This is a podcast all about parenting. It
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: is the good, it is.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: The bad and the relatable.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: And if you've come wanting any advice, Nah, Nah, you're
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: silly goose.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Nah, You've come to the wrong place Ashton you hobbled in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I am so glad you asked me about that, because
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: I thought I wanted to tell you. First of all,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: life's relentless. I'm just gonna start with that.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Life is relentless, especially especially this time of the year.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: It's been a long, strduous journey to get to December.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I've got the back of your fatigue. What has layered
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: into your situation that has pushed you over the edge.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I went home the other day after being I think
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I was here with you, and I had to stop
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: in at Bunnings and get a tarp for minnu skate
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: ramp that I haven't say that again.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: A new skate ramp that I haven't home. Oh wow,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: that's very relatable. It's just a two foot half partkay,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: just relying my helicopter pad. It's not yet water for it.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: It's not I saw a storm rolling in from the west.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I thought I better.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Go and anyway, so listen to yourself.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Listen to talking about getting the cheapest tart for a
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: piece of timber I have at the back of my
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: rental property in Buddings.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: You give it a gold tar.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: I noticed that this one's silver. I'm looking for the
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: gold one. Anyway, I was under the house looking for
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: a hammer, and under the house is just a big
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: concrete slab, and there happened to be a concrete nail
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: sticking about half an inch out of the concrete. And
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: I didn't see it, and I walked full stride into
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: it with my left foot and it didn't stub my toe.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: It missed my toes and hit the ball of my foot,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: which then removed the layer of skin that is a
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: callous Really is that we call it? That's under your
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: foot there, because you're walking on all the time, quite
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: a thick piece of skin. Callousy. Removed it instantly like peeled, peeled.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: It heeled like it scalped me like an apple. Yes,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: like it scalped, not like an orange.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Was it one of those pains where you almost enter
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: shock and you're like, it doesn't hurt quite? Yeah? Did
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: you were nervous to look at it?
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I saw it was dark ish, I looked down, saw
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: the clouds rolling in. I was like, fuck, I need
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: to fix this. No one's home.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Can I ask you something when you injure yourself in
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: that scenario, do you have a phrase a word that
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: you would throw out a komba.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: No, I'm like, fuck. If it's a toy and I
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: step on a toy, I'm like oscar straight.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Away, even it's probably a toy.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I ask her. Anyway, So, no one's home, just me.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I'm under the house. I've gone out, and you're going
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: to get under the house if you go through the
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: back door. So I went to go back around up
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: to the back door of the house. That door has
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: shut itself, hence locking me out. Meanwhile, I'm bleeding out here.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I am bleeding.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Time is ticking.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Time is ticking.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Have we hit a main artery? We don't know?
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Is there a main artery in the foot? Yes, under the.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Foot, under the foot at the bottom the achilles heel
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: goes under the foot to a main artery to the.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Ball of your foot attached to that piece of skin
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: that's now hanging.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Loose back on the bottom of the concrete nail.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So I am like hopping. I had to hop
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: around the whole backyard up the side. My calf muscle
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: is huge now on my right side. Get up to
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: the front. Get through. There's blood. It's like a crime scene.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: There's blood through the whole house. I can't find any
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: first aid in my house whatsoever. My wife has hidden
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: everything we own because she thinks we live in a
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: fucking museum. Anyway, I'm on the kitchen floor like clawing, like.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Ragging yourself around like Lieutenant.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Dan, and I come across. I come across a roll
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: of duct tape. I put the skin up and duct
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: tape the skin back to my foot and went downstairs
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: and put that tarp up.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, not not. I want to give you praise.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: First of all, very brave. You've a bread boy, very
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: brave boy. Credit where credits du duct tape is quiet like,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: it's very adhesive. It's what you used to repair a car.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Look, honestly, I just needed to stop the bleeding. It
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: was like a tornic cake.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, by any means necessary in an emergency.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I've come to the table with whatever. If you were
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: to bleed out, like start bleeding out, I would just
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: about sew my pubic care into something to stop.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: The It would be real shame if they were like April,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: We're so sorry he didn't make it. If only I
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: should use the duct tape that was meters away from.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Where he died.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Anyway, and then you went back and you finished the job.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I went back, finished the job, and then I had
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: about eight to ten beers ripped off the duct tape.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I needed the beers to rip up a duct tape?
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Did I Was I going to drink eight to ten
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: beers anyway? Probably? And then I got the alcohol wipes out,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: tried to give it a good clean up.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Where were they in the end?
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Just in the top drow the only dreading look in
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: the first one. To be fair, I was crawling, so
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: I was just like whatever drawer I could reach. Did
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: you get angry at all of April and she came home?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: No, because I guessed the skateboard ramp, that's what you want?
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: She not a fan?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Was she on board with a purchase of the skateboard ramp?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Pun? On board? On board the skateboard ramp?
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Thank you? Was she only imagine right now now that
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: people listening in hysterics.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're like, he's very good. That was very good.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: That was great.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: He doesn't even acknowledge his own parts.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: It's so common. Look she wasn't. She was like whatever,
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Like we've got the room at the moment, because you're.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Like, April, guess what big surprise. It's a news skateboarder.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: And now that I have the skateboard ramp, I'm like,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I really didn't need this. I literally rolled up and
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: down once or twice month. The kids love it because
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: they could push their cars and ship down to Oscar
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: gets on the skateboard and rocks up on his knees
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: and we'll get there. We'll get there.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: We need to record at your house because I really
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: want to try.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: We should record on the ramp.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Yes. Actually, one thing that I've asked for from Laura
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: for Christmas. Often, like the last few Christmases, I've said,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: don't get me anything. I don't need anything. I've got
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: everything that I could ever want for in life, but
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: get me a skateboard.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: That's what I have seen.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: You skate You're good on the wheels. Yeah, yeah, bring
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: it over, thank you.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: A couple of silly boys on a ramp.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Couple of silly I'm going to definitely injure myself.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Anyway, Laura listening right.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Now would be like, oh fuck, can I also just
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: just really quickly, I also have and this is weird.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I'm injured the underneath of my left foot as well.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: Bullshit, before you do tell me what happened. One other
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: thing happened after that. I went up to check the mail.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: And you see how steep my driveway is.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: It's like everest.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and when it gets a bit wet, gets a
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: bit slippery, I slipped and fell down the driveway on
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: the duct tape. Yeah, everything, And I just laid there
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: in the rain thinking about my life, just wailing. Yeah,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I was remember, I was like, you cave it down anyway.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I hurt my hand.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Look my hands are red, they're not very red. I
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: you just flashed your hands anyway. I just I also
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: mitted myself. And not to make it about me, because
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: it's about you. But the cat escape, fucking Ellie. My
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: mom who lives with us, by the way, left the
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: door open and the cat, it's now almost one. The
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: cat is just chomping to be outside, hates being inside.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: But it's a wild animal, bro, it's a wild animal.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: It's a wild domestic animal. And so when that door,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: the sliding door is a jar just millimeters, the cat's like,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'm getting the fuck out of here. B lines it.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: And also the cat's quite fluffy, so you're going to
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: keep it in consideration. It's probably really skinned.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Dude, literally as wide as your finger. And you know,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: my mom's very slow, love her, but now that she's
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: seventy three, she's like a fucking sloth. She moves very
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: very hot.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: She's like.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I was like Ellie the door and she's like, huh,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: what the fucking cat's out there? I try and get
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: the cat. As I run up the stairs, I kick
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: the stair on the soft part of your the same bitch, yes,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: the same part. Yes, it's like twins. It's weird.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: It's really an inconvenience.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: We're here.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: What could be.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Worse, could be a lot, a lot lot worse.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Anyway, what's going on with you?
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: The house fronto is firing, is doing very well.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: That's enough about that.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: We're very close. We're very close. It's it's towards the
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: point the end right now. It's been a long process,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: but we're going to miss the deadline of Christmas. We
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: won't be in before.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Oh you won't be in the holiday house before Christmas.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: So rich coming from you after your life. I was
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: trying to waterproof the skate ramp, which, as you know,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: is difficult when you're walking acres across the paddock. So
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: the house. We're down there pretty frequently at the moment.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: The last few weeks we've been down almost every single weekend. Yeah,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: it's a long way too, but exciting news. Flooring has
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: gone down the kitchen as we speak. Ashton is being
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: installed as we speak. I'm getting messages from the builder
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: updates by the minute and blessed cotton socks. Laura is like,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: is that the right thing we ordered? Is that veneer straight? Again?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Very love it. But she's very she's very good, she's
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: very particular. She's got a great eye attention to detail.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: This poor.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I'm at the stage where like, yes, we wanted we
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: wanted like white and maron check floor tiles. If they
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: were yellow, I'd be like, that's fine, we'll make it work.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I just want to tick boxes. I want to make progress.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I want to just get on with it.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: The in the ramone you just showed me looked pretty good. Really.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I showed you the laundry before and you showed zero
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: fucking interest.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Now it cares about the laundries.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: That's my part. But last weekend we're down stay at
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: my place. We're a compound, which is the compound. It's
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: a farm, little farm about fifteen minutes where our house
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: is right, so we're staying there.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Just next one over because it'll and so exactly.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Laura even said, gosh, Molly is so good in that
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: she's never had an accident really that we can remember.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Why would she say that, Why you immediately touch all
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: the wood around you, which there would have been a
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: plenty of trees on the farm, touched all four thousand Stupidly,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I didn't even say anything.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I she just like, yeah, you're right, she's been really great.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Literally two nights later, as she normally does, Molly wakes up,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: she comes into our bed in the middle of the
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: night and it's a bit of a curse now, but
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: she's always come to me first. Maybe it's because, like
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: all good husbands, I'm on the side of the bed
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: that's closest to the door to protect the family.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: What I'm on the furthest from the door in my bedroom.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: But that was that wasn't my choice. April's like, I
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: think she wanted to me closer to the window because
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: the window is probably more chance for someone coming through
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: the window, do you think, and getting through the front door,
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: because if she heard them come through the front door,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: there'd be ample time for me to jump over. But
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: if someone came through the window, she's ever remember him.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: They the winter, they're going to smash the window. To
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: be honest, if an intruder came in, I'd give her
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: up straight away.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Take her yours. There's two kids back there. Get the
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: boy for us. Leave the little girl doesn't talk.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I normally try. Actually that's not true here home. In
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: my face, I'm further away from the front door as
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: well off the bedroom door. But anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: So Marley comes in and I enjoy the cuddle. It's
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: it's nice bonding. I feel you feel differently. You don't
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like Oscar cuddling at nighttime. That's because he just kicks me.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: He just squirm up, just has possessive dreams, I think,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: like the other one. He grabbed hold of my shoulders
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: and was like. I was like, dude, just like what,
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: I'm like, get on me. He's fucking roll over.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Did you ask him what he was dreaming about. Morley
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: comes in and we have a cuddle, and in the
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: middle of the night she stops and she pops up.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: She goes count to one hundred, and I was like,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: what the fuck are you talking about in the middle
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: of the night. I was like what, And then I
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: was also like, do you know when sometimes climbing? Yeah,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: a bit hot, yeah, yeah, yeah, sweaty.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's a bit clammy under these blankets.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: She had done the biggest piss. It was like someone
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: had a bucket of water and I just pour. But
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you know when you're waking up and you kind of yeah,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: not quite well, it's like it's all warm and sweaty.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: Dude, that's piss.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I covered in my child's piss.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: What does the counter one hundred have to do with anything?
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I was also like, what are you dreaming about? And
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: she's like, I don't know. Numbers got to excited and
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: then I was like, did you piss yourself?
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: And she's like no.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, who's done this, Laura? But it's three
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: in the morning, so I'm not going to change bed sheets.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: You just stayed in it.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: No, I me defend myself. Okay, sorry, yes, wow, I
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: just Laura said my side drenched. Laura's side Sahara, Yeah, fine,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I'm in the Amazon.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: So you'll just roll over on the Laura's side.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Nor Laura's like fuck off, get back on your side.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah what so so what I did? Strip Marley naked.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: So I was like, you get back into bed, put
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: a towel down on my side and just put two down.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: And Laura goes, there's not much whee, it's fine, just
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: put a towel down. I have a quick shower, hop
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: back into bed. Within three seconds, the pisses soaked through
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: the towel. But I'm like, it's three in the morning.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I'm so tired. I was like, this out of towels,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: this is fine. So I just I just capt it.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's not the first time you copped it. Remember
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: when you slept in Lola's bed and she pissed in
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: it and you were just like, oh, fuck it. Yes,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: you're a trooper.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I'm the pissed magnet.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: You're a piss magnet. I can't believe she pissed on Yeah. See,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Oscar usually comes into abbit either he can't sleep or
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: just wants to come over, or he's pissed the bed.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: So he's only pissed one bed. I'm pretty confident he's
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: not going to piss our bed too.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: So he just comes in already covered and pissed. No,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: he changes himself a good boy. Oh, good lad, good boy.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Good lad that he will keep me up for the
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: next six hours with his possessive dream. But yeah, getting
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: pissed on is brutal. It's not do you know what
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: it's it's it's fuck. Like Macy is still in nappies,
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: but like, oh, when we're on the cruise ship, I
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: took a nappy off or near the pool, Oh, just
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: take it off for a sec. But she won't. We
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: like I picked her up one second and I'm like
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: talking to someone and straight and she just pissed all
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: down my side and I was like, thanks buddy, and
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: she was I was like, did you wear She's like nope.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Got to say you did.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: It's like rating.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Then it sucks when it's not your house. Like if
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: you're on a cruise ship and you're pissing in a bed, fine,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: And when you heed someone else's house. I was like, oh,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: do I tell my sister massive favor of the fact
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: that we're able to stay at her place whilst the
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: house is being renow must be nice? And I was like, oh,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: do I tell her? Luckily, there's a protector in the bed,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: so the sheet did you wash?
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: The sheets.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: But I spoke to my sister and I'm like, I'm
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: just gonna I wash the sheets. You know, I don't
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: know when we're coming down next, and I'll just, you know,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I'll make sure. She's like, no, no, I leave the sheets
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: so mine it's fine. Who cares, doesn't come to it.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: And I was like, no, no, no, I'll wash the sheets.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, she listened to this
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: podcast and she'd be like, that little son of a
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: pissing in my house, kissy sheets.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: There's nothing. It's like when we when we went to
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: the Central Coach, remember and Oscar spewed up in the
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: bed on the last night. I remember, That's right. What
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: a nightmare.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: Man.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: It's not my house. I don't know where anything is.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know where any spare linen is, if they've
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: got any. It was the last night. It was like
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: we had to get up and leave in the morning.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: It was just like so inconvenient.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Sleeping as a parent is just an absolute roll of
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: the dice. Oh yeah, you never this morning, dude, This
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: morning Marley slept until eight o'clock.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: How did you thought he was dead? Do you think
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: that no screen time has really helped all this.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: But then but then a day prior, she's up at
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: five thirty and she's like, well, let's get the day started.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, my god, why are you so inconsistent? Yeah,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: just meet in the middle seven am. Beat me there
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: sat this morning.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, can you get out of but she
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: was just a dead weight until eight o'clock. I would
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I wish my kids would sleep toll like eight o'clock.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Then it's then I'm running late. There's so much thinking
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: done no, because I would literally get.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Out of bed an absolute lie. I say thinking, I
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: meant wenking, I would have way more mornings just saying
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: if they slept in.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: But I was going the way April would have sex
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: in the morning whilst the kids are still asleep. The anxiety,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: No one would you.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say yes because it's never gonna happen.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: But I would just like have everything ready to be
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: like out the door. So yeah, but like, yeah, I
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: know you're always late when they sleep in a bit late,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: but like it is nice, Like the kids work a
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: couple like quarters to seven this morning because they're not
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: They're on no TV. Man, they're on no screen. There's
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: no phones at all, No, like, how's it going? I
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: did accidentally wean them off the TV too. I'm like,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: kids come and watch TV, but they're like what's that? Yeah,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: they're like what's this big square thing in the living room?
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: So what are they do?
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Instead?
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: What's bay blades? A bit noisy? Bay blades?
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: They they're like little, Yeah, they spin like a spin top,
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: but they're in like a the stadium thing and you
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: battle on are you in on this? No?
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Just the kids? Get me some bay blades for Christmas.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: I've also realized, like, if I want a bit more
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: peace and quiet with the kids, because it's quite noisy
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: in the plastic stadium thing and there's some of them
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: are like metal, bro, is this the bay blades? Kids?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: And the baby? I'm like, just go to your room
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: and play with the bay blades and it's like perfect.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm like I've got the whole house to myself
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: now because they're in there.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Like what has happened to you this morning?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: The door was shut in the room and I was like,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: what the fucking I opened the door and they both.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Like it's a gladiator.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Literally, yeah, it's great. Get the ships out of me.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I think that might be Laura or a delivery.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Where was I? April went away for the weekend.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Where was she?
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: She went up to the Central Coast with the Mother's Group,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: The Mom's Lovely.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's had.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: A very humble not a piss up like it was
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: the lads that'd be like they were in bed by
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: like eight o'clock.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I bet you they were like empty man cocaine fight
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: and they just like I was so humble. It was
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: just a big gorgy has come on?
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Sorry guys, Sorry, sorry, such a wholesome start. Sorry sorry anyway,
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: So I on the Sunday, I took Oscar and Macy
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: down to the beach solo. What a guy, What a guy?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: What a guy to meet another family.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Because let me just retract that credit.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, take a bay. They're getting them there and then
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: getting them home.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: It's the hardest part.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: But we went. It was low tied, so we went
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: looking for shells through the rocks at North Arabian. The
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: North Arabian it is a suburb on the northern beaches
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: of Sydney in Australia.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: On Earth, thank you in the Milky Way anyway, I
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm there, Yeah, do you feel it?
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Do you feel the sea breeze?
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, lovely.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Oscar and I were collecting shells and the ones that
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: sucked the rock or whatever, I bring them home.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, and.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Excuse me.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Sorry I stooped to your level for a second because
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you like the ones that sucked to the rocks.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I know what you mean.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It'll sucked your peanut sucks at the end of your paint.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, one of the fifty shells cracked in
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: half in the shower.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: Why are they coming in? Com let's get back on track.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: And the poor listeners are like, fuck me.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: What are these two half about today? Anyway, we went
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to cut this story to where it
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: needs to be. We were looking for shells or whatever,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: crabs whatever, or bloodsuckers as Oscar calls, and where you
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: put your finger in it, and they took I needed that.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Do what I mean?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Did you mean to go there?
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: No? But they're like they look like they look like
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Harry Assehole's sweating. Okay, Uh. Anyway, we're we're hunting through
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: like the shelves of the rocks or whatever. And as
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: he was like spotted a shell a shell, what he
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: thought was a shell and he goes, Daddy, come over
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: and look at this one. And he turns around and
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: he's holding a turd. What And it was a human
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: tur because I had a little nut in it and
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I was like it and kicked it away and he
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: was like what is it? Was like that was a ship.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: He was just like and then within two seconds he
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: was just like, oh there's another shell, Like just completely moved.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: If I had picked up a human poof traumatized for weeks,
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: I would be so traumatized eyes. But I was like,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: it was a combination of this is actually quite wholesome
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: from me, this this little expedition.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Lovely core memories.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, core memories were hunt. Macey's in it. She's carrying around.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: I lie when I say we had a bucket because
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I couldn't find the sand buckets. So we're actually walking
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: around with their plastic plates and they're plastic bowls that
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: they usually eat out of. Mace's walking around with a
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: plate and she's got like a bunch of different shells.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: It was lovely ruined by Oscar picking.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Up a turn nothing ruins of a family day out,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: like human shit from someone else. Oh, like a random
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: human shit oh yeah, it must have been a dog. Shit.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Sure it was the.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Consistency of a human pool.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Washed up? Do you think washed up? No? I reckon
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: someone's not long before us has gone and just on
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: the rocks, done a quick squat and shame on them.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like, that's terrible behavior.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Maybe they were hoping the tiger come in a bit quicker.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, they probably like it turns around and sees
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like a bunch of kids foraging.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Oh shit, what are the odds really? Like?
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I was in the ocean pool once and there was
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: a floating turd. You know, in a rock pool, it's
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: a good place for a ship. There was an ocean
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: pool people doing laps and said that's not good like
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: a rock pool.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: And I couldn't get away from it.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because it was following me.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It carried me all the way in and then people
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: thought it was me.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: That's yeah, how did you get around that one? I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: just picked it up and took with it.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: I just was like, stop me ruined by pooh.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Hey, I've got a story. If it's going to be
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: about Santa Claus. Okay, So if there's any kids in
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: the car with you right now and you're listening, get
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: rid of them, stop the car, don't stop the podcast
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: for God, get the kids out of the car, and
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: then listening, and you pick them up when the story
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: is finished. We decided that we would get the kids
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: bikes for Christmas.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I'm listening what sort of bike?
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Like a push bike?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to get the motorbikes up.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Until now Maley. We got Maley like the cheapest, like yeah,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: like car out of them, and it was do you
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: know what? The one from Kmart. They're great. They they're cute,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: they're pink. They've got like streamers on the handlebars, like
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: a little thing at the basket the front, a little
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: a little seat for your dolly at the back. But
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: they weigh a ton.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: They're not very functional, really.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: They're so hard. The gears are so stiff. Well, the
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: story of the chain, the single you go backwards in a.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Break, Yes, the old chain and cog Yeah.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: You know what you know that's that's technical bike terms.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: But Marley, because she's very she's very skinny, she's very weak.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: She could do like three rotations and even if it
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: was dead flat, she could do three rotations and she'd
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: be like, I can't go any further, So it was
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: a night there for her to learn on. She's never
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: learned how to ride a bike. Yeah, it's like April,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: it came up bikes.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: That's the problem.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: That's the problem.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: That's the problem.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: We should definitely have a time in the park where
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: April's learning, and so is Marley and Oscar and Oscar
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: all three of us. So I was like, we'll get
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: we'll get a proper bike, like still kids bike. We
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: got a proper bike, yeah, like lightweight, carbon fiber. And
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: can I just say a bit of advice for anyone
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: out there who's got younger kids that aren't yet toddlers.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Don't ever mention something that will get the kids excited
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: if it's further than two days away, like two days
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: a one day is really your limit? Kids perception of
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: time is just terrible.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Becuse like how many sleeps? Yeah, I'm six six hundred sleeps, bro.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And then five minutes later was like is it time yet?
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Or every morning they're like how many sleeps was that? Okay?
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: How many times did you fall asleep last night?
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: He's like, well.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: There's your answer, you idiots. These kids tell you what.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So I thought that the trouble is I wasn't sure
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: what's I mean. In hindsight, I should have just got
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: a tape measure and just measure the kids. But but
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I thought it would be nice to go into a
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: bike shop to try to, you know, to see the sizes,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: like sit on it with Marley, with Marley and Lola Oule.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Jesus got the double kids on a Thursday.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: It's such a you are a very good father. Thank you.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: It is such a gaslight too.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Taking them in to look at something and not actually
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: getting it because they don't understand that content so stupid.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: It's a nice teaching lesson if they're like I get
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: if they understand I get it, We're just here to
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: look and then go away and get it later.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: But I was saying to the kids, obviously I was
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: trying to weave in the story of Santa as well,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: and I was saying, we're going to try the bikes,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: figure which one we want, and then we'll ride to
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Santa and let him know which bike that we want
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: him to make, because he's going to make them. And
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: they were like, okay, yeah, yeah, we get that. We're
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: on board. Good with his hands, this very good with
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: his hands clause please we try the bike sign. Lola's
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: got her bike, little pink one also has streamers that
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: she loves it, loves it. She's riding around the store.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: She's like this is this is good. I'm on board.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Malo's got her bike, not as keen as Lola, but
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: still got her bike. She's like, picked it, sorded and
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, great, we'll get these two. Wink to the
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: guy behind the counter, make sure you tell Santa which
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: one's we want. He was like, yeah, gotcha. And then
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Lola was like, still fixed on her bike and I'm like,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: come on, how we go and she's like no, yeah.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: She's like I'm going to ride this home and I'm like, no,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: you can't. You can't ride home. We have to keep
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: this one. This one is for the store only. And
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: she's like, I.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: Don't care what that this this is a display model.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: What's what's that?
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: My three year old's like, what the fuck are you
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: talking about?
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: What the hell is a display model?
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: And I was like, come on, we're going home now,
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: both kids.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Just funny if she just started like haggling with the guy,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: is the display model cheaper? Take this one?
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Can you throw on the training wheel. Yeah, get a helmet.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: We'll get it right now. But yeah, I had to
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I have to explain to the kids it's like nowhere,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: like just such a shit situation that I put myself in, I.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Know, and like you try and use Santa to be
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: like gott to be good up until this time because
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Santa's coming soon. I think you need to just really
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: harp on about soon it's But.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Then they were like, well, when is Christmas? And I
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: was like, it's like less than a month. And then
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: the kids are like, what.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: I've got a hack for you? Please you tell them
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: every time they ask when it is, you tell me
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: it gets a day further away. Very good, Thank you
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: just to come up with that.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: On stay good.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: I just made that up. I like it. Thank you
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: a lot. You can use it a lot. Trademark. Can
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: I trade mark an idea? Please do on the phone.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Let's go on the phone, Matthew. Yes, there was a debacle.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I'll call it at KINDI during well at the start
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: of this week on the Monday morning, which is never
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: good on a Monday morning. You want you want your
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: week to smooth sailing. Yeah, and look people, it's the.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Tone for the rest of the week.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Our Australian listeners are going to think about this, but
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: our internationals.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Do you think we have any international listener listener, I said, listener, yes,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: just the one.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: Now, Monday morning comes around, Okay, Oscar goes to a
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: India that's in quite a bushy area and I get
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: there to drop Oscar off and the school's in lockdown. Shit,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: no one's allowed in. Over the weekend. A brown snaw
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: has found its way into the sand pit.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Fuck, but that's there.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: What are they?
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: They're they're like the top ten dollars.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: They're like one lote of the deadly snakes in the world,
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: and so they've gone into lockdown. This is what happened
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: before I've got there, right, Like I sort of got
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: there at the back end, and I have heard like
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: I could see that there was like a bit of
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: a congregation of people. A lot of people were like, look,
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: we haven't we're not telling the kids, like it's the
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: adult snow the snake has been removed.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Do you think that's a good idea, like to not
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: tell the kids. Obviously you don't want to panic them,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: but don't you think anythink you should say, like kids,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: snakes are dangerous.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but they did. I think, like the education around
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: snake is fine, but to be like there was snake here,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: because they'll all be like, maybe there's more, you know,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: my scare them. Okay, I don't know if they had
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: told them about that down the track. Evidently it turns
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: out that they didn't. I got there and one of
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: the other parents here, they're like, just y, there was
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: a brown snake in the sampit. I was like, I
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: dropped oscar spotted who was the teachers they do a
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: morning look around like it's.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Quite a shout out to the earlier.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They also just got to pay rise this week.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Fifteen percent.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Must be nice.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Sorry, it must be nice to be able to feed
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: your family.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: Fucking lord, hang on a sex Sorry one second, Laura, Yes, okay,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: we're in the middle of a record.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Thanks for the update.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: No, we faf a lot.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Ten minutes, ten minutes.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, I apologize today. Sorry, everyone, I just want to
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Sound'm sorry.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: I wrap this up.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Snake story.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Snakes, we haven't they haven't told the kids, all right,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: And then I've come back to April. They've obviously posted
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: it to the parents can see as well, and I
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: didn't know. They didn't tell the kids, and I was
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: later on that day, Oscharo was home. He was sitting there,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: were drawing, and he go and I said, oh, how's
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: the snake at school today? And he's lit up. What
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: I was like, there was a snake at school today?
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: And he's like, and you didn't tell me. I was like, no,
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: he goes, you didn't tell me. You didn't take a
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: photo of it. You can take a phot I was like,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I wasn't there. And he started to.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Cry because he wanted to see the snake.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: He wanted to see the snake.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: No, I said, that's the problem. That's the problem right now.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: You need to make these kids scared of snakes.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, but I was like look if I'm like, if
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: you do see a snake, just don't touch it. We
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: have seen a snake. But I April was like ash.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I was like yeah, like they don't know. I was like, oh, fuck,
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: so he's probably gone the next day and told all
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: these kids. So I've let it leak. But there was
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: a snake, but he was so upset about it. But
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: the reason I wanted to tell the story is because
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: first of all, I've never heard of this happening before
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: the second four. I wanted to shout out to the
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: Kenney for their rapid response. Apparently they spotted the snake right,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: spotted the snake, had someone in collect it, and were
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: able to open the gates at eight am. No wonder
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: they're getting a pay Rice, absolutely, girl deserves.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Also will take the opportunity right now to give a
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: shout out to the snake catches of this country.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: They are the unsung heroes. They put their lives on
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: the line.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: There's no fucking chance you could pay me any amount
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: of money. I'm not going near one of those deadly
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: snakes one wrong move. I mean, you and me, we're
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: so accident prone. We would last less than a week
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: catching snakes. Could you imagine?
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Oh? I could not not not for me.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: We would shout out to the early educators. Yes, and
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: the snake catches also deserving the pay Rice.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: Yes, and I apologies to all of the kids that
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: were not told about snake until Oscar told you at
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Kingdom the next day.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Ash, we have some listening questions before we wrap up,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: and Laura's about to come through any second. Ash. Each week,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: you know that we ask the good people of this
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: country parents, non parents, and to Greg. I want to
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: listener over in the UK, they can ask us anything,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: anything that's on their mind, burning questions. They need our
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: advice or opinion of you have a question asked that
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: you want to start off with.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Ah, yes, I do have something I want to ask you.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: This one's from Louisa. But I also want to know
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: the answer to this because I am curious. Do you
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: think grandparents have a favorite grandchild? Oh?
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, Well, I am living with Nana, my mother.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: We have two children, Marley and Lola. Really and I
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: don't know a favorite, Okay. Lola hates anyone that is
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: not Laura. So in the mornings, Nana will wake up
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: and if she says to the girls, good morning Marley,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: she gets good morning, Nana, I love you. To Lola,
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: she goes good morning Lola, fuck off. It's like, don't
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: touch me. Yeah, doesn't want a bar of her at all.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: So like because of that, Nana gravitates towards Marley.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: What about with your sister's kids though, which out of
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: all I'm talking about all of the grand kids.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I feel like Nana gets along with.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: George a bunch of troublemakers.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: I reckon. I think I think they have. There's the
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: ones that are easier.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: There's the bond. It is the bond there though, like
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: where it's.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Like, I think the bonds there with all the kids.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Like, is there one that they're like?
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to tell you and this is probably
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: gonna get me in trouble.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Go on. I hardly have one sibling unlike you have
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: like twelve thirteen sibling sixteen. Mum's a breeder, yeah she was.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: She was like a pig, just litter after litter after litter.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: Nice. You could have gone with a lot of other
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: animals there, but you went with a pig, thank you.
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: She was like she lived on a puppy farm. Yeah,
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: she's a puppy. I've got a sister who has one child,
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: only child. Her name is Winnie's name gorgeous Winnie, Winnie,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Love Winnie. She's got some really cute glasses. She looks
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: like a minion, yes, but with two eyes. And Winnie
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: just happens to be my mom's favorite. And it's so
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: obvious that I make so many jokes about it with
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: the family.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: How did what are the signs of her being the favorite?
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: She pretty much would do anything for her. I went
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: to New Zealand with my sister, my brother in law,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: my niece, and my mom went for a wedding a
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: couple of days. April stayed home with the other two.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: As my mum refers, and my mom carries around my
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: knees like she's a trophy. The family had never met
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: Winnie yet in New Zealand. The New Zealand family. So
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: we drove all the way down and Mom's you know,
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: giddy in the car and I'm like, Oh, you can't
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: wait to get down there and walk around with your trophy,
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: show her off, show her off like this, like just
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: like little things like don't get me wrong, my mum
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: loves my kids too. I think she's like like since
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: since since they've been down here a lot this year
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: because of dad's health, they've bonded a lot more. But
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: prior to that, my sister can go to my mom,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: hey can you fly down and babysit?
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: And she was like, oh, oh, we're on the next flight.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: And then I said to my mom, I like, hey,
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: can you come down and babysit? She was like, I'll
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: send you the invoice.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Do you think this is because who would you say,
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: was the favorite out of yourself and your sister with
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: your mom?
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I thought, I thought, I thought I did.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: You thought wrong. I'm sorry to tell you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: You're like, give me your answer. Wrong, But like, look,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not offended by it. I love to make jokes
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: about it to make my mom feel a little bit bad.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Is it in case of your kids going no, we
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: have a story, She's like, don't touch me.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: No, it's more like freaks. It's more like if we're
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: out and mum's talking about her grandkids, she'll talk about Winnie.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: She'd be like, Winnie is so cute.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Winny Major anyway a little and I'm like, for fox sake,
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: yesterday I had my kids in the car, had my
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: mum in the car. I'm in the car because I'm driving.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Obviously that would be dangerous if I wasn't.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: And we went past the street that was called Winni Street,
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: and Mum nearly jumped out of the fucking car.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, look, it's Winny Street. I was like,
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: you know, I've got Oscar and Macon in the bat
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: you know their names.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And she.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Was like the other two I think for sure, Okay,
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: I'll put my hand up. I will not say who
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: it is, but of my nieces and nephews, I definitely
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: have a favorite.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: You have a favorite, Yeah, I have a favorite. I
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: have a favorite niece. You only have one so by default,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: But like I get it, some people are more likeable
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: than others.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I have a question for you. Okay, how did you
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: actually get punished as a child when you were a
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: young lad? A young lad many moons ago, because I
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: was thinking about this, Actually, this is a question that
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I have been pondering since we last spoke.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Where both of the age where we were born and
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: raised in the back end of the corporal punishment era. Yes,
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: I feel like after us everyone got soft.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: I hate to say it back back in our day,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: but exactly, I used to get how we've ended up
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: being normal, and I do. I love my mother. She's
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: a saint, disclaimer God, she loved to beat us.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Oh man, my so my the wooden spoon was that
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: it was definitely prominent in my house as a child,
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: and I wasn't a good kid. My sister never ever
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: even got threatened with her. Actually, now i'm thinking about it,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: my sister was definitely the favorite. My sister was like
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: very she was just such a good kid, and I
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: was such a fucking pain in the art.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: And they used to threaten me and and.
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Hit me with the wooden spoon at any opportunity they could,
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: essentially and once again disclaim love my parents.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Whenever I hear the cutlery drawer open, Laura can be
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: going to get a spoon, and I'm like a hiding
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: under the day.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: It was like my dog when the storm's coming over.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: That's that's me. There's rattling of the forks and I'm like,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: it's coming.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: I made the mistake of hiding the wooden spoon. Big mistake,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: my friend. It will go down as one of the
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: biggest mistakes of my life doing that because I hid
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: the wooden spoon. The repercussions of hiding the wooden spoon.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Let me introduce you to the hard plastic spoons. Holy,
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: it's the chainsaws of fucking. She got it out of
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: the drawer and it had a soundtrack, and I was like,
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: I felt the wrath of that heard plastic spoon.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: If it makes you feel any better, She's not alone.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: We are not alone. I put the question out there
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: on socials and I was like, hey, just out of curiosity.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: The majority of people who follow us are of a
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: similar age. We're in our thirties, some of us are
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: closer to forty. Me awful, I don't want to say.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: And I said, how did you get punished as a child?
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: And the answers that I got were astounding. Okay, and
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: these ones like they are a little bit dark at times,
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: but people all kind of caveat it and said, but
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: I love my parents and I turned out fine, so
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: this is not, in fact child abuse. Okay, disclaim on
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: some of these answers made me feel a little bit
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: better about my childhood. A should take it away.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Okay. The first one, and again not a lot of information,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: so I don't know what they did with it.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: The first one is whyre hanger.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: What that person said?
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: They just said, but I love my mum.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: So it's funny though, because all of them said I
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: love my parents. Wire hanger, Matt, I'm assuming that they
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: got hit with a wire.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, holy shit. This is kind of similar to the
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: wooden spoon ash of the fly swatter.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: That's minor league.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: My grandfather used to hit me with a fly swatter
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: if I was going to get hit with anything.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: Pillow, This one is and again I can't quite I'm
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: trying to picture this in my head. I got hit
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: with a sprinkler go on, it says, even makes a
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: whipping sound when it's on the way to your house.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: What I got a few people saying hose and I
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: could imagine. I could imagine that would be a great whipper.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: Never had those myself, but I never had this ash
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: as well. A lot of people they would have a
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: type of punishment for swearing where you would get something
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: put in your mouth. Soap okay, so people would say
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: raw onion sandwiches or a mouthful of soap is one
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: that we hurt a lot, pepper in the mouth, hot
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: mustard clothes. Oh, for God's sake, buster to everyone listening,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry for all of the stuff up today that happens.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Do you reckon these parents like it's generational right. They
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: would have gotten that and passed it down Like I
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: swear my mum would have been the wooden spoon. Yeah, yeah,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I think that that.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: You've got to learn it from somewhere.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Imagine being one of those families where one of the
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: mustard families.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: They're the mustard people. This one as well, like curry
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: powder in the mouth, or yet soap in the mouth.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Tabasco in it. That's fucked.
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like that old thing where it's like
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: if you've got caught smoking, they're like, now smoke this
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: whole packet of cigarettes in front of me. Son, Like,
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: what how about this?
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't laughed, this person said, They say, and look,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: I can laugh about it. But they used to get
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: the cord of the electric fry pan. Oh I feel sick.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. A few wooden spoon ones. My mum
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: knew it was fun. When it snapped, it had nothing left.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: My mum had a different one for each child. Larry
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: the ladle once I made this mistake of saying that
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: didn't hurt. Oh my god.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Finally we have the metal whisk. I actually think I
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: met a wisk. Would be fine. A metal whisk, mostly
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: by my friend's parents. Ha ha ha what okay, we'll look,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: we should call the police.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, you know you were in for it
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: when you had a vein popping out for head.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: I do like when people gave names to someone said
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: there was Bernie the Belt.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Larry the lad is very good. Anyway, keep the coming
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: in actually, and.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: Yet look at us. We're all fine driving, We're all fine.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Deep trauma.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, I don't need specifics. But but was there any
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: punishment in your household?
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: That's it's yes, what did you get hit with?
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: That? The segment should be what did you get hit
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: with with? Ah? The old band that's vintage. Yeah, that's
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: that's nice, that's og stuff. When it's like, I'm not
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: even going to find something to hit you. I'm just
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: going to hit you. And also like so quick and
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: quick and swift like.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it was. It was worse when you did something wrong.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: And then there was that pause. There was that moment
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: of dead space where you were waiting for your parents
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: to go to the area where the item was held
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: for me, the wooden spoon, hear the cutlery drawer open,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: and then walk back over, you know, when you're and
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: you're waiting for it to happen, bracing yourself.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: The parents then loved making a ruckus in the drawer,
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: like the anticipation.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and thinking they were dramatizing this is me
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: giving you a head start, and the hunt was on.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: Kids are kids don't know how lucky they are.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm I'm going to go home. We're going
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: to hit Oscar with a utensil. I've been I just
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: hit him with a pillow. A little pillow fight. Ain't bad,
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: is it? I put soap in that pillow. People don't
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: know that you're joking. I'm joking. This is a joke,
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: full joke people. It's hard as your oscar. It's not
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: a joke.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: Ash. You need to get out of here. Do I
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: need to get out of here?
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: The listeners need to think about the trauma that they've
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: been through in their lives.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode, any episode of Two Doting Dads,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: we would love it if you would subscribe, join us
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: on social media. Also subscribe, give us a review, or
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: follow us on social media TikTok, Facebook, all that, everywhere you.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: Know you know what we call something else matth. Yes,
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: you can have us in your house. Wow, what a treat.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: How you might ask how we have raunchy Ranch.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: Yes, twenty twenty five we have gone one step further,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: made a calendar that's even sexier than chorre play last year.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know how that's possible, but we made it
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: with the help of farm animals. Ash it's just shire
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: thirty bucks. It is from the Budget smokel website and
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent of proceeds of the sale of the
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: calendar are going to a really amazing charity called Rise Up.
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: They work with victims of domestic violence, so it's a great,
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: great cause. So if it wasn't enticing enough, the fact
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: that Ashni are semi naked in your house, the fact
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: that the money raise is going to such an awesome
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: charity should be enough. Sure do want to make you purchase,
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: but there's only a few hundred available to buy them
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: before they sell out. We don't want to hear disappointed
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: listeners who missed out because there were a few last year.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, so that's budget smoker dot com dot a Q.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: The linkers in the show notes, we will get out
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: of here.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: Let's go goodbye.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate islander
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadigal Land