Latest / The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson / The People Who Changed Our Lives Without Knowing It

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The People Who Changed Our Lives Without Knowing It · The Humanistic Leader Podcast- Dr. Craig Nathanson

0:42
I want to tell you about a man we called Mr. Not Mr. Smith, not Mr. Johnson, just Mr.
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He was one of the most important coaches I ever had. And the interesting thing
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is he wasn't even an official coach at my high school.
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Mr. worked nights at the post office.
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He had an eye patch, and there was something rather mysterious about him.
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But every day, rain or shine, seven days a week, he would be at the park sitting
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in the corner of the bleachers, waiting.
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Waiting for anyone who wanted to become a better runner.
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He didn't need a title. He didn't need recognition. He just showed up. And I showed up too.
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I've been thinking about Mr. Lately, not because of the races I won or the accomplishments
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I collected along the way, but because of something I've come to appreciate
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more and more as I've gotten older.
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Some of the people who change our lives the most never know how much they influenced us.
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And sometimes we don't understand what they've given us until decades later.
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When I was in high school, running was a big part of my life. I loved cross-country.
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I loved the competition, the training,
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and the feeling of pushing myself beyond what I thought I can do.
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And Mr. was always there. He wasn't
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particularly interested in titles or credentials. He cared about runners.
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He cared about helping young people discover what they were capable of doing.
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And he believed in me. During my senior year, I was undefeated,
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headed into the championship race.
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I was confident, but I also knew the competition would be tough.
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Mr. had studied the course and helped me develop a strategy.
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There was a big hill and a large tree near the top.
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He told me that when I reached the tree, that tree, while the other runners
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were recovering from the climb, I should instead accelerate.
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Not slow down, speed up.
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That's exactly what I did. And I could remember that feeling,
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you know, we were coming up the trail and all I was thinking about was,
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okay, here's what I'm going to do when I get to that big tree.
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But I remember seeing a pack of four competing runners from the same team.
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They formed a line right in front of me on purpose so I couldn't get by them.
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And I was thinking to myself, you know, how am I going to make my move?
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Well, I should tell you I won that championship And believe me,
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it felt wonderful But looking back, something else matters much more to me now I remember mister.
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I remember that man sitting on the bleachers after working all night I remember
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someone who believed I could become better than I was He simply didn't teach me how to run,
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He helped me understand what it meant to believe in someone's possibilities,
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And that lesson has stayed with me for a lifetime.
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Long before I met Mr., there was Mrs. Johnson, my fourth-grade teacher.
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I can still picture her classroom. It was filled with color, artwork, and warmth.
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And Mrs. Johnson was the kind of teacher who made children feel that,
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you know, they mattered.
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She hugged her students. She encouraged us. She seemed genuinely,
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you know, happy to be there.
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And I remember something she said.
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I teach because I look for the possibilities in each of you.
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Now imagine hearing those words as a child.
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Someone is looking at you and seeing possibilities. Not limitations,
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not shortcomings, possibilities.
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I don't think I fully understand what she meant at the time,
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but I certainly understand how she made me feel.
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Safe, accepted, you know, important.
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I can remember sitting there in class. I always sat in the first row,
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and I just looked around the room, and I felt so happy. I mean,
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there was so much going on.
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And Mrs. Johnson seemed like she was looking at each of us privately and smiling
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and even winking at me, saying, you know, I believe in you.
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I looked at her and thought, you know, I want to do what she does someday.
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I mean, I was so inspired. I used to treat my classroom as kind of a rocket
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ship, feeling like I was blasting off, you know, going somewhere.
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Today, after spending so many years now as a teacher myself, I think about Mrs.
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Johnson differently I wonder whether she ever knew how much her kindness mattered,
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Whether she realized that one of those children will grow up and become a teacher too,
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And whether some of the warmth I tried to bring into my own classroom began in hers I suspect it did.
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And then there was Gus. Gus was Mrs. Johnson's husband.
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He drove our school bus. I can still remember his smile. He seemed to enjoy
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greeting the children as we climbed aboard.
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To Gus, perhaps it was just another day driving his route.
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But to me, it was something wonderful.
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In fact, I admired Gus so much that I wanted to be a bus driver myself.
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And here's the part that It still makes me smile.
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You know, at school, we would borrow those little red wagons.
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And during recess, lunchtime, and even sometimes after school, I would borrow one.
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I'd put one knee inside the wagon and leave the other leg outside to push myself along.
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And off I'd go, around the schoolyard, pretending I was Gus.
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I'd announce those stops out loud. Here we are, 4th Street.
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And I'd push myself a little farther. Here we are, 3rd Street.
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And then, here we are Second street I had imaginary passengers I'd stop to let
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them climb aboard I'd smile and greet them And, you know, just as Gus had greeted us,
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And then I'd continue Driving my little wagon Around the schoolyard I must have
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been only 7 or 8 years old Although I don't remember my exact age But I do remember how much fun I had.
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As I sit here now I remember What it felt like to drive that little wagon around the schoolyard.
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I mean, I was kind of in my own world. I don't think I noticed school bells
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or people calling my name or anything.
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Just, I don't know. I just felt in the moment. I felt sort of like when I was,
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around that same age, playing imaginary basketball with a sock and an old Folgers
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coffee can in my bedroom room.
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But back to the wagon, now think about that for a moment. Gus was simply driving a bus.
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He probably had no idea that a little boy was spending his afternoons pretending to be him.
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He didn't know that his smile and friendly greetings had made,
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you know, such an impression.
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And yet here I am all these decades later telling you about Gus. Isn't that something?
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Sometimes we influence people simply through the joy we bring to an ordinary day.
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There was another coach in my life. His name was Mark.
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Mark coached me when I was in middle school And he was another person who believed
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in me I mentioned earlier that championship cross-country That,
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you know, that championship cross-country race During my senior year of high
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school But there's another part of that story I want to share,
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As I was making my move near that big tree I was running toward the finish There
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was one final hill and a tunnel ahead,
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And standing near the top of that hill Was Mark My old middle school coach He
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wasn't coaching me anymore But there he was As I approached,
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I could hear him yelling Come on, Craig, I know you can do it I still remember
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that moment His voice, his encouragement And the feeling of knowing that Someone
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who had believed in me years earlier Was still cheering for me,
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I ran through that tunnel into the sunlight And toward the finish line,
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I still remember the feeling of Pushing my legs up that hill Knowing that nothing would stop me,
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Barely looking at Mark I went over the top of the hill The crest of the hill
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Into that tunnel And I'll never forget the feeling of Emerging into the sunlight
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Alone Ahead Of the rest of the pack.
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You know, as I sit here recording this podcast, I have several pictures in my office.
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You can't see now, but there's one of one of my best friends in high school.
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His name is Kenny White. He ran the fourth leg of the four by 400 meter relay.
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You know, the race that came at the end of the track meet sometimes determined
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the score for the whole meet.
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And I would always hand off that relay baton to Kenny and he would always bring
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us home most of the time, you know, to a win.
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And anyway, I'm looking now at this picture in my office And there's a picture
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of me handing the baton to Kenny And recently I noticed something I hadn't noticed
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before In the background are some other kids cheering us on And in the background,
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there's Mark, my middle school coach You know, looking at us and looking at
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his stopwatch So it was quite a moment Kenny was my best friend in high school,
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A few years ago, Kenny passed away You know, I look at that photograph today
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And I see something different from, you know, what I saw when I was young,
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Back then I probably saw a race, a baton, a competition Today I see people I
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see my friend Kenny I see Mark,
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I see a moment in time that I can never recreate And I realize how fortunate
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I was to have people who cared enough to show up,
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You know, that's what stays with me Not the stopwatch, not the finishing time You know, the people.
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Now, you might think these kind of influences are mostly part of my childhood,
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you know, teachers, coaches, people who helped us when we were young,
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but I've discovered that people continue to shape us throughout our lives.
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Let me tell you about Phil. Phil was my boss during my leadership career.
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He was one of the most unusual leaders I've ever known.
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He was extremely quiet and, you know, very introverted.
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And frankly, some people didn't particularly like working for him because he
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didn't He didn't say much, but I came to admire him tremendously.
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In fact, he was one of my best, best bosses, and frankly, one of the best coaches I ever had.
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Here's what our meetings would look like. I'd walk into Phil's office,
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you know, with some issue I wanted to discuss, and I'd start talking and talking
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and talking, and Phil would sit there looking out the window, not at me.
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He wouldn't interrupt. He wouldn't offer a long explanation.
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He'd just look out the window.
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And every once in a while, he'd raise his hand and, you know,
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give a little wave. That man stopped talking.
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I'd stop. And Phil would ask a question. Something like, have you considered talking to so-and-so?
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You know, I'd think about it, and then I'd start talking again,
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and Phil would make a little sound like, uh, and look back out the window.
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A few minutes later, another wave, another question, and, you know, off I go again.
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Sometimes I thought I could just put a photograph of Phil in the chair,
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because he might say only 30 or 40 words during an entire meeting.
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But here's the remarkable thing. I almost always walked out of those meetings with greater clarity.
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Phil hadn't solved my problem for me. He hadn't given me a lecture.
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He had just simply helped me think.
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I can still remember those meetings with Phil.
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I would come in and just start talking, talking, talking, and he would look
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out the window, and he would wave, and that man stopped talking,
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and he would ask a question like, what if you did this?
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And I would think, wow, that's a good idea. And he wouldn't even wait for me to answer.
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He would just look out the meeting and go, and then I'd keep talking and talking,
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excited about this new idea he had just given me.
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And then he would turn and wave and I would stop talking and he would say,
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let's go to the end of this problem when it's resolved. Now tell me what you
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did. I was like, wow, I hadn't thought about that. And then I started telling
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him and he would say, oh, and he would look out the window.
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And those were my meetings with Phil. I learned something important from Phil.
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You don't have to be the loudest person in the room to be the most influential.
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You don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes the greatest gift you can
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give someone is the opportunity to discover their own answers.
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Phil was a master at that, and I've carried that lesson into my own teaching and leadership work.
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As I think about these people, something strikes me. They were all quite different.
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Mr. was dedicated and demanding.
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Mrs. Johnson was warm and encouraging. Gus brought joy to an ordinary bus ride.
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Mark believed in me long after I had left his team.
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And Phil showed me the power of quiet questions. Different personalities,
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different roles, different times in my life. But they shared something important.
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Each gave me something that stayed.
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And I wonder how often this happens without any of us realizing it.
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Maybe you've had someone like Mr. in your life. Someone who showed up when you needed them.
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Or a Mrs. Johnson who saw possibilities in you that you didn't get to see yourself.
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Maybe a Guts who made an ordinary day a little brighter.
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A Mark who encouraged you when you needed to hear that you can do it.
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Or a Phil who helped you discover answers rather than simply giving them to you.
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And perhaps you've been that person for someone else. And you just don't know it.
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I often think about this often as a teacher now I've taught thousands of students
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over the years I can't remember every conversation I can't remember every classroom moment,
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And I certainly don't know what happens in every student's life After our time
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together ends But I hope that occasionally,
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something I said made a difference,
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Maybe I encouraged someone who was doubting themselves Maybe I helped someone
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see a possibility that they hadn't considered Maybe I.
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Simply listened,
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And perhaps years from now, someone will remember one of those moments.
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Not because I was trying to be memorable, not because I was trying to be present.
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And maybe that's how influence really works. You know, we receive something
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from another person, a little kindness, a little encouragement,
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a little belief, and without necessarily realizing it, we carry it forward.
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Mrs. Johnson gave something to me. So did Gus, Mr., Mark, and Phil.
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And perhaps through my teaching, writing, and conversations I've passed a little
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of what they gave me to someone else Maybe that person will pass it along again,
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I like thinking about life that way Not as a collection of accomplishments But
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as a collection of people whose lives have touched ours And whose lives we've touched in return,
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So here's something I'd like you to think about today Who changed your life without knowing it?
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Maybe it was a teacher, a coach, a boss, a neighbor, or someone whose name you
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haven't spoken in decades.
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Take a moment to remember them. And if they're still around,
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perhaps tell them. Tell them what they meant to you.
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Because sometimes the people who have done the most good in this world have
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absolutely no idea. And one more thought.
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The next time you have an opportunity to encourage someone, don't underestimate the moment.
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You might think you're simply offering a few ordinary words,
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but perhaps those words will stay with someone for the rest of their life.
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Just as I still remember Mark's voice on that hill, and Mr. sitting patiently
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on the bleachers, and Gus smiling as I climbed aboard his bus,
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and Phil, looking out the window, waiting to ask one more question.
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They may never have known how much they gave me. But I know. And now, so do you.
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Thanks for spending a little time with me today. I'll see you next time,
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right here on the Park Bench.