Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep62: Evelyn puts the lid on babysitting; Nick learns the price of responsibility (and lawn care).

Transcript

Ep62: Evelyn puts the lid on babysitting; Nick learns the price of responsibility (and lawn care). · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's Reverse Jackass.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, since Nick's mouth is full of apple right now, uh, I'm gonna lead us in here.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um he's nodding in agreement.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Even if he wasn't, you wouldn't know.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh welcome back to the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Evelyn, the Canadian Blade.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so glad, so glad to be here with you today.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am here, as always, with Nick, who has finished masticating a honey crisp.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Nick, would you say hello to the people?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm far from finishing masticating this honey crisp, but that one bite went down super easy.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um by the way, they're envy, the finest apples on earth.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Honey crisps are are pale, pale uh imitations.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, whoa.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I've never had an envy.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you haven't lived.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me something I don't know.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Evelyn, you haven't lived.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, this is a time of introspection for you.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: What what have you done with this gift God gave you?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if we have like I wanna wow.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Nick Bagner, licensed marriage to family therapist, right?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh no.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, maybe today's topic is apples.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love a good I love a good honey crisp.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I love when the honey crisp are like the size of like both your hands put together.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if that honey crisp doesn't weigh five pounds, are you even eating a honey crisp?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Big apples over little apples seven days a week for sure.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, next time I get a next time I see an envy, I'm gonna try it.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Please do yourself a favor.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta see what all the hype is, and I'm gonna send you a long and amplified voice memo of me eating it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll have to tell me if they sound the same in different countries.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, absolutely.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's probably you probably miss chewing it if I know if your words are any.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: If I know you, Evelyn.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: If I know you.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: If I know the Canadian accent, yeah, it's gonna sound weird to hear.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is that's good.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, let's get let's get started.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's an Evelyn day, which means a recording on a Monday today.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the theme of today's conversation is babysitting.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: All right, done some of it in my time.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Wonderful! That's gonna make this such a better episode, rather than me sitting here telling you things and you sitting there in silence.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, I want to tell you about some of my babysitting adventures.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there really is no tie-in with all of them, they're just a bunch of good stories, and I want to tell them on this podcast.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely no names will be given at this point.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, we're not gonna do it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're not the curve.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's I don't know who was babysitting who in those piano lessons.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, it probably varied Monday to Monday.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a couple stories for you from my babysitting uh escapades.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I babysat this family once that had five children, and again, everyone was in the area that I grew up in Highway 80 represent.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just wow.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, am I bringing a bad energy into today's podcast?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I just I um I wonder how the denizens of Highway 80 would how authentic they'd find that to be.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Would they go, would they also have a a a chorus of of representation that you just called out for?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I don't know.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's interesting.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Do you all have a gang sign?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what's the well, given the story I'm about to tell you, maybe we should.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So this family is probably what you would call in 2026 homesteaders, mainly demonstrated by the fact that there are a bunch of chickens roaming around.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, what is a homesteader?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: That just sounds like a farmer to me.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: What is that?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I mean, a homesteader would be, you know, you're making everything from scratch, you're um you're canning like self-reliant, yeah.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Literal farm to table with no stops in between.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: No farmers market in between kind of stuff.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and maybe in this case, not I don't imagine we were eating the animals we were growing, so to speak.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: But there was a more they had more animals on their property than I did growing up, and maybe that's just why I call them homesteaders.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's where my bias lies.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: So if you grew up in the hard streets of Highway 80, then everybody knows how much livestock, like knows a head count of livestock on each other's properties.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a very strictly maintained hierarchy, isn't it?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, they just had a few more head of cattle than we did.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, let me let me correct your vernacular.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a body count.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Got it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that whole family had a crazy body count.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you got you got the hang of it now.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's fine.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're basically Highway 80 ready, is what I'm here to tell you.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Way to go.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Are you kidding me?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just one man.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, with no property and no fucking and no animals, yeah.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, you had a black and white cat at home.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: That uh, you know.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so as babysitting in this family, five kids, lots of animals running around.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I was in, I think I was in high school at this point.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I must have been, because I remember wearing a my favorite pair of footwear at the time.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Is that how you say it?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: A pair of footwear?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite footwear at the time.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think there's a prescribed.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I think you just get to talk about your shoes.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: However, okay, okay.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they were navy blue eight-hole Doc Martins.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: The combat boot of the time.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: They were, it wasn't a bright navy, it was a dark navy.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I loved them.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I still had them.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what happened to them.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you're out there and you own my Doc Martens or you have them now, please return them to me.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I would like to have them back.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I thought, I mean, these were the coolest boots of the time.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Me wearing those a pair of jeans and my REM t-shirt, come on.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Which REM t-shirt was it?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, ooh, good call.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was a black and white one.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want to say it was like the night swimming one.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's my favorite REM song.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you can't.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, you can't awe this.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a special memory.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You can't.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: It has a special memory.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's about swimming.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Swimming at night.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, as the title suggests.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's the worst.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was the first piece I figured out by ear ever in grade seven.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I figured the whole thing out.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, some of us develop beyond grade seven.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, some of us didn't have to because they peaked.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for looking down at me from the apex, the seventh grade apex uh on which you sit.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: You are welcome.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so there you are.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: You're rocking your night swimming shirt.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: You've got your eight-hole Doc Martens.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Got my eight-hole Doc Martens on.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm uh wait, did you say baby blue?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Navy blue.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, navy blue.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was like dumb.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Baby blue would have been amazing.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: That would have been, I don't think I was that bold in high school, if I'm being honest.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so I I pull up to their house, and I remember they had kind of a one of those driveways that like were circular, a half circle.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you drive in one and then you drive.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm told in Canada that's called a crescent.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That is you know what, sure, sure.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, we're never gonna get to the story.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, sure, that is a crescent.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I pull up, chickens all over the place, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just a free-for-all in this in this area.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: An orgy, if you will.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: This I can still hear the sounds.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can still hear the smell, those smells.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is not gonna be a podcast about babysitting because we're never gonna get to the story.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be sorry, don't be sorry.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I was I was very careful when I was driving, making sure that like obviously um there's chickens everywhere.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I luckily did not hit any of the chickens when I pulled in when I was driving.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: You passed the first test.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the second test I did not pass because that was somehow not hurting any of the chickens before I got to the front door, and there were a lot of chickens to walk through.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just tell you.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: The chickens survived.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you can put your eyebrows back down and pull them out of the stratosphere here.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the chickens all survived.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: However, in walking through the chickens, I somehow punted a rooster.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're the meanest ones.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, look, I didn't aim for him.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to walk, I was scurrying, and I just remember a rooster getting a bit of air.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Is this what that Allison Chain song is about?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Evelyn, I is it we've got another another grunge era Evelyn slow motion adolescence moment where Evelyn like pops out of the car door opens in slow motion and just like walk into the single man.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Just slow-mo boots a rooster.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think, I think if it works, I'm not, I'm not.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's pretty funny.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: This was also um a family uh where that had obviously if there's five children, I had to change um a diaper.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I do to be fair, you shouldn't have been wearing diapers at that point.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I said, a diaper, not my diaper.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: If anyone was wearing a diaper, it should have been that rooster because it scared the shit right out of him.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And these stories are only getting better.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if I ever get through this one story at all.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And really, I just told you the best part.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I booted a rooster, I changed a diaper, the kid pronounced poop as pupe.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was very Canadian.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was I have never heard another Canadian say pupe.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Canadians always, instead of ooh, ooh, ooh, they always do ooh, ooh, ooh.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a thing.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: But this was very obvious.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And this kid did the most Canadian thing.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Upsetting version of it, yeah.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: In like sticking their hand in their diaper, wanting me to change it.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: That is.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's the detail you left out.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's I just hadn't rambled there yet.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: So now we got there.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one that's one family babies have for.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: The big highlight of that story is the rooster boot.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I did have, uh I told a bunch of my friends in high school they thought this was hilarious.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: They gave me a plush chicken.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Which you then mutilated in front of the lunch room because that was kind of your signature move at that point.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: People were expecting it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I ripped the head off with my teeth and then punted the rest of it across the cafeteria.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Doc Martens.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Doc Martens, the official footwear of the reverse shaggy.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Doc Martens, animal abuse made fashionable.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh shoot.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh shoot.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: But by and far, and I babysat for like many, many families around where I grew up, but by and far, the best family I babysat for was a family that gives me my two best babysitting stories of all time.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna tell them to you today.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the first one, and I'm gonna end with the best one, but the first one is that this family had a chihuahua.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: They had a small, tiny chihuahua.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you had the perfect pair of boots.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing it heard me do was clomp, clomp, clomp across the kitchen floor.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So something to note is that um I have a terrible allergy to grain dust and ragweed, and it was worse when I was little.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So when it say come harvest time, a typical ritual in my house would be to close all the windows in the house and I would hang out in the basement so I could, like, you know, breathe during the time when grain dust was just all in the air.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So this was harvest time, being that we are uh in the you know, country, and I was sneezing like a beast.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And when I sneeze now, something I feel like I might have been known for was how I sneezed when I was younger.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it was, for no better word, a spectacle.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it was like the diaper.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're not entirely wrong.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was loud, it was full body, it was a snot fest.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was like those little delicate sneezes that you sometimes hear people do.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what that is.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: That to me is a sneeze.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not your game, it's not my game.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: These ones I was exhausted after.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like they were labor-intensive sneezes.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: They were, they were really, really like physically taxing.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And like I would often get puffy eyes, my throat would get itchy.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was just this whole thing.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now I sneeze three times and it's done.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: But but there was a time in my life when you know when people would hold their sneezes in by kind of pinching their nose.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: If I did that, guaranteed the back of my head's blown right off during this time.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like it would be bad.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So this was how I would sneeze about this time that I was babysitting for this family with a chihuahua.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I was in the kitchen with the kids at one point.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure we were having, you know, dinner or something.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: A literal pissing contest.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Literal, you don't know where you're going here.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even know where you're going.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And a sneeze snuck up.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And once it's there, I can't do anything about it.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: It just has to happen.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: What followed with my, I would say at this point it was six or seven full blown atomic sneezes, is that every time I sneezed, the chihuahua froze in fear and pissed all over the floor where it was dead.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that happened seven times, and we took turns.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I would sneeze the chihuahua peed.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I would sneeze the chihuahua peed.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would sneeze the chihuahua peed until we were both finished.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: You were both emptied.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: We were.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know who was more exhausted, to be honest with you.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So after I cleaned the floor up of what seemed like gallons of chihuahua peed.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: You had five kids there and you cleaned the floor?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm sorry.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: This was a this was a two-kid family.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is a different family.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: There were two kids there and you cleaned the floor.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I was the babysitter.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: They were fair.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: What was that?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Should have left it there.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just should have left it there.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this was the family, and it might have been the same babysitting time when uh the same time as another event happened.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this is maybe the event that made me stop babysitting, if I'm being honest.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: This family, there's a boy and a girl, and they were what word would I use?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Impish would maybe be the word I would use to describe.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: A little mischievous, not bad kids by any mean, just tricksters, little tricksters.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, so at one point we were picking a movie to watch, and so the kids went upstairs and they're like, We're gonna go get a movie, and 100% pulled out a black VHS tape from their parents' bedroom, and I said, I don't.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't When you said the movie we're going upstairs to get a movie, yeah, immediately I went on guard because nobody keeps movies upstairs.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's just correct.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's correct.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, unless it's an unmarked black VHS from my mom and dad's collection.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, am I on the right, am I on the right path or something?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're on the right path.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Luckily, the the story, that part of the story ends here.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I something I didn't know.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm so I was so naive at this time.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what was happening.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just knew that that nothing about this screamed this is a Disney movie.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is the title printed anywhere though?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: But unless it was a little jasmine Aladdin homemade take, you know what I'm saying?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't was it like are you saying it was costume heavy?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know a delicate way in which to say this.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't ethnocentric.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Was it a fetish?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I should have said done in a not respectful way.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: I should have said the genie and the monkey.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I probably could have gotten away with that.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was a sea witch.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember that part of anyway, anyway.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so we we cut that off at the past, but so the girl and I went downstairs to get a movie.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Boy was still upstairs.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And a few minutes later, I heard help me, I'm stuck.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm like, what's happening here?
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: The girl came to deliver the pizza, the girl opened the washing machine door.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm stuck.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Got it.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So we go upstairs, and what do we see?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: You couldn't guess in a million years what we came up the stairs and saw on the landing.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: On the landing was the second child.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I could have guessed that.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think it would have ended there.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Knees to his chin.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, like sitting with his knees to his like he's basically folded in half, knees to chin, sitting in one of those massive popcorn tins that you give out at Christmas.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right, you didn't see that coming at all.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, I sure sure didn't real shocker.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: No pants, no clothes, actually.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, no pants, bum in the popcorn tin, folded in half, stuck.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is there popcorn in the popcorn tin or is the tin empty?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, but there is something else in the popcorn tin now.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: The boy said, I pooped in the popcorn tin.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then he fell in.
• 17:37
  unknown: And then he fell in.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember what happened after that.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I you blacked out.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I don't remember.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember cleaning out the popcorn tin.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think a lid- You shouldn't have cleaned out the popcorn tin.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: There were two kids there.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't cannot emphasize this enough.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think I did.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think we just put the lid on.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we went down and watched a movie.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like something in me says, no bun dealt with that at that point in the evening.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: We just went downstairs and watched a movie.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Was he not covered in his own shit at that point, having fallen into the well, there was probably a little like dabble on the bum.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this thing wasn't full.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: I just imagine he landed in it.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like I recognized it wasn't like brimming.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was like, I think, I think he was big enough that he wouldn't have hit the bottom.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, got it.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like he was poop, he was just pooping in there, fell in, whoopsie doodles, gonna get out of here, wipe my bum off, put a lid on this thing, and then we're all going downstairs and ignoring it.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's a sad story because that kid was that age.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh how old was he?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, I don't know.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Two?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, two! Like, I'm trying to think about what age we can excuse.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I I found a container and pooped in it that wasn't a toilet.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm gonna say like nine.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's a real problem.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: That family has a real problem.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so did you ever confirm that the tape was a porno or were you just like I'm not taking this fucking ones?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't know.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even I didn't even go there.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even go there.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I had already been traumatized by the by the chihuahua and the pee everywhere.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is this all the same night?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is all the same night.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Action packed.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Action packed when you're only earning what, like three bucks an hour?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like two kids in the chihuahua, is that what I'm understanding?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's correct.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: So of the three people, three beings that you were in the house with, one of them pissed everywhere, one of them shit in a in a fucking popcorn can.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna tell you, whoever the third kid was, that kid is a therapist today.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's how that's how therapists are made.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's so great.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I will be doing a deep dive once we're off this call for sure.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, with all this, my question for you, Nick, it's simple, it's predictable.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: What's your best babysitting story?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: All right, I have one.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because this wasn't a curveball, I was I had a I had one in mind.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have a handful of good ones, but the one that comes to mind, I was 12, maybe, or 13, and my friend and I decided to start a lawn care business.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: We were gonna, we were gonna charge people to do their thing.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: So we printed up signs and we put them in everybody's mailbox in his neighborhood offering.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: And this, we only got one call, and it was this young couple.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they seemed old to sell to me, but probably realistically, maybe they were 30 or late 20s.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and they had a baby, and they like had a house in my friend's neighborhood, and they said, come over and you know, rake our yard, et cetera, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: So we said yes, and they talked us down from whatever the price was that we wanted to charge them, which in retrospect was a bargain.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: The price we quoted was a bargain.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: The price they talked us down to was offensive larceny.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: And also there were acorns throughout that that yard.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it was lots of raking acorns to the point where I was probably doing damage to their grass because, you know, I just needed to get these acorns up.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: So we get like a day into it, my friend says, fuck this, it's not worth it.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: They can keep their money, I'm not doing this anymore.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I, because I was raised this way, thought, well, I have an agreement with these people, I'm gonna keep doing this.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: I should have said, sorry guys, it's not gonna work out, I'm 12 and bailed.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: But instead, I was like, I'm gonna do this.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it ended up being like three or four days of work, like a few hours at a time, to make what I think was$15.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe 10.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was bad, right?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Even by 1990 standards, it was bad.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's pretty bad.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: So one day I show up to do the lawn work and they're like, Hey, we need to step out for a minute.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're not gonna be gone longer than 30 minutes.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Will you please watch our child?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, uh, I've never watched a baby before because it was he was an infant, he was like maybe a year old or less.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, geez, oh geez.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Well, we're look, it's gonna be easy peasy, he's sleeping.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we're gonna uh here's the thing you all you have to do is just sit and watch.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: TV.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: There's a baby monitor right here.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: You can look at it.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he's asleep, he will remain asleep, we'll be back in a half an hour.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I sat down and started watching TV.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: And for the first few minutes, it goes fine.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, I'm just watching TV.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then I just happened to glance over at the baby monitor, which was one of those ones with a row of lights on it for like how loud the baby is being, and all the lights are on.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like wherever this kid is, he is maxing out the volume on this thing.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: And you couldn't hear it?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Couldn't hear it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Uh oh.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if that was, did I have the TV up too loud?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Was he in a yeah, I don't remember, but it was in a different part of the house.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: So I go up and I find, you know, I turn off the TV, and of course, there's the then I hear the kid screaming.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I go find his bedroom with this crib in it, right?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And he is just screaming.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, and again, I've never dealt with a baby before.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I've never held a baby.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't hold a baby until my brother's baby when I was in my 30s.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: I actually didn't hold a baby prior to my 30s.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, there was one baby before that.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: But again, in my 30s, that was the first time I held a baby.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: And other than my brother's baby, just very, very limited, right?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: So Well, you hold it by the ankles, right?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's the thing.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: The actual first baby I held, this baby is a this baby is in high school now.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but she, my friend that I waited tables with, handed her to me.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: We were at a pool party.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: And handed her to me, and she was this little football.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: And she was adorable, and I held her, and then he goes, Hey, throw over to me.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa! Eight feet away from me.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, like, I was shocked.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, I don't, I don't think I can do that.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: And his wife from 20 feet away goes, Thank you for not throwing my baby, Nick.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like she knew it was a joke, and he knew it was a joke, but like you kind of didn't know it was a joke.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was never gonna do it, but it was like, What why?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so it was nice of her to let me off the hook.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, anyway, back to the 80s or 90s.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm at this house, so I go up to this kid's crib and he's screaming.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, Hey, calm down, calm down.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: And he screams for a minute, and then he finally starts calming down.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: I start singing, and when I stop singing, he starts screaming.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I start singing again.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: And as I'm singing, just whatever I can think of, he hangs out and he watches me for a minute, and then eventually he like lays down in his stomach and starts to go to sleep.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: But the moment I stop singing, he immediately stands up and screams again.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: And this happens five times.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: So finally I'm like, okay, I gotta wait till he's really asleep.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I start singing, singing, singing, singing, singing.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: He finally worns out of gas, he lays down, he goes to sleep.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: I keep singing, I keep singing, he's asleep.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: I stop singing, he doesn't do anything.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: I walk towards the door.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: The second I get within a step of the door, he's up against screaming.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: And this happened for two hours.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was supposed to only be 30 minutes.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, they were gone for two and a half hours.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I was there with a kid, I didn't know how to care for that's what scared the shit out of me.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know if he was sick or if there's anything wrong.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sleeping, singing and trying to calm this kid down for two hours that they were gone.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Two and a half hours.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, sorry, I ran a little over, they said when they got back.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this is before cell phones.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, that's bad.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, they should have made extra precautions.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: They should have called the home or some fucking thing, or stuck to their words.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: It was so inappropriate that they did this thing.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: So inappropriate and so offensive.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I still raked the rest of their fucking yard and collected my my awful wages, and it was the whole thing.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's an epilogue to this story.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I, you know, I'm like, uh, and I go home.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: My parents were like, why did they leave you with a baby?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's inappropriate.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, you know, this whole fucking thing.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, I never wanted anything to do with them again.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: So flash forward many years, it's 2002.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done with college.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: I am in the six months between when I graduate from college and when I moved to California, and I got a job waiting tables in a cruddy mall restaurant.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: And who should come in but the the dad and the son?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so the son is now like, I don't know, 12 or something, and the dad is 12 years older.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the dad was so sleazy.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Oh, hey, I haven't seen you in a million years.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: Nice to see you.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and you're the baby I watched for two hours.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Nice to see you too.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the son was nice enough, but the dad was like, Oh, yeah, you know, uh, Melanie and I divorced and blah blah blah.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh shocker.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, you know, cool.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm talking with him, and the dad, at one point, I remember one of my coworkers walked by and he like leered at her and then he turned to me.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it's a two-top.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: He says to me in front of his son, like, she's got a nice little ass.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, oh no.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: And his kid is right there.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so I said the only thing you can say, which is like, did you see her from the front?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just kidding.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't that be great?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: No, I was obviously horrified.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say I was like, this is the same person who's sweetly sang a baby to sleep for two hours.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, a lot changed for all of us in those 12 years.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Melanie, Melanie left all of us and all of our lives fell apart.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, I was, of course, horrified.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's not how I, in any context, without a 12-year-old present, I've not it, I'm not interested in that conversation.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I mean?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but with a 12-year-old, I was horrified.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, uh, yeah, she's really nice.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then I like went, and then, you know, his tip was lousy because he was still a cheap piece of shit.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I just it was one of those things where it's just like, you've got to be kidding me.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what a fucking sleaze ball this guy is.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, this is the only guy in the neighborhood that returned my phone call.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the things that I think has been a great change since the 80s is that we no longer, or rarely, do we send kids and go, go find somebody in the neighborhood and ask them for money.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: Go find somebody in the neighborhood and have them help you out.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of times I don't think those things ended well for kids.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: I agree with you.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: All kids, the babysitter, the sat and the sitter.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was probably the only good male role model in that kid's life.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was two hours.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, except for the fact that he was probably like screaming till he couldn't breathe until you turn the TV down.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you then you clocked in.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: For two hours.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta say, the TV thing, 10 minutes.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: If it was my fault, two hours of care.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Two hours of care and like recognizing distress and then singing and figuring out what worked and like recognizing distress.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: There would be no ambiguity about what he was.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, man.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I think a lot of teenage boys, especially, like, what would they they might not even have looked at the baby monitor?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I almost didn't.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like I wish I hadn't.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: I would have just gotten to see supermarket sweep for the next fucking.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't like he wouldn't soiled himself.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like he was he had a poopy diaper.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was just I think he was just border lonely, or I don't know what happens to babies, but like he he I just watched.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm bored.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: Guess I'll poo my pants.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't your story, I'm on.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is my story.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to overshadow.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that's that's my uh that's my worst baby.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: I had I had another family, another couple of families that I babysat for, and they were all really nice, but that was the one where it was like, oh, this is really bad.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: That is really, really bad.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I have any that are that bad.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had, you know, well, I mean no pooping in a popcorn.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because that's funny bad.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like yours is not funny bad.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yours is like, you know, the therapist in my story should be seeing the kid in your story.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the that's the hookup we really need in 2026, right?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've worked with 14-year-olds.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you right now, I wouldn't even leave myself alone with a 14-year-old and be like, okay, tend to all of my biological needs, please.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's crazy.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was probably a better child care provider at that age than I would be now.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's still not enough.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think you just care more at that age.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're scared.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and I don't have a and I clearly could not tell when something was inappropriate.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't go right hey, dipshits.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't call the police and go, hey, I'm left here alone with a baby.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: It was supposed to be a half hour, it's two and a half hours.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: Send a social worker out here to help me out, which is absolutely what I would do now.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, get CIS.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you all have CIS?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: We have uh CPS.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's your children's aid?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Child protective services.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, ours is children's aid society.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, like like immediate phone call, half an hour, here we go.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: Beep, bop, boop, up, beep, done.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you come home, your child's not there.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know why?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were supposed to be home two hours ago.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, it he's in the system now.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, deal with it.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Melanie's not gonna be the only hurdle in your life that you're gonna have to climb here, sir.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Good luck getting your children back, you piece of garbage.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, well, that guy was a piece of shit, but Melanie was the other half of the couple that left me alone with that kid for two and a half hours.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't forgive her either.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: And let's not forget the fact that you're trying to get out and do some, like you're doing a little yard work, you're doing a little business, and these people are like, hey, you definitely underprice yourself already, but we're gonna just chew that price down a little bit more until you are paying us to pick acorns off of our lawn.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: In retrospect, it infuriates me.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, as it should.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: As it should.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, before you take me there before I have a look.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Before you lose your cool, yeah, let's uh wrap wrap this up.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: What good stories.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, what good stories.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Crazy.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day, everyone.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for tuning into the Reverse Jackass podcast.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're so grateful for your listenership.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: We love you, we respect you.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I do anyway.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Tell them they have to pay you what you are worth.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: When you go for anything, yeah, pay your 13-year-olds, give them fair assignments, and then you go tell your boss they have to pay you what you're worth.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's my goal for you this week.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's uh wrap it up there.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: And when you get some fancy popcorn for Christmas, you repurpose throw out the tin, throw it out.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because somebody's gonna use it, whether it's you or somebody else.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Stuck together through geography.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's American and Canadian diplomacy.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's reversed.