Latest / Dr. Danielle Difference / Breaking Free from Codependency: Why Self-Abandonment Isn’t Holy

Transcript

Breaking Free from Codependency: Why Self-Abandonment Isn’t Holy · Dr. Danielle Difference

• 0:00
  Welcome
• 0:01
  to
• 0:01
  The
• 0:01
  Crying
• 0:01
  in
• 0:01
  My
• 0:02
  Cheesecake
• 0:02
  podcast,
• 0:03
  where
• 0:03
  we
• 0:03
  are
• 0:03
  in
• 0:03
  pursuit
• 0:03
  of
• 0:04
  living
• 0:04
  life,
• 0:04
  abundantly
• 0:05
  not
• 0:05
  held
• 0:05
  back
• 0:05
  by
• 0:05
  our
• 0:05
  body
• 0:06
  size
• 0:06
  or
• 0:06
  symptoms,
• 0:07
  nor
• 0:07
  are
• 0:07
  we
• 0:07
  held
• 0:08
  back
• 0:08
  by
• 0:08
  our
• 0:08
  hurts,
• 0:08
  habits,
• 0:09
  or
• 0:09
  other
• 0:09
  obstacles
• 0:10
  in
• 0:10
  life.
• 0:10
  Learn
• 0:10
  the
• 0:11
  secrets
• 0:11
  to
• 0:11
  crush
• 0:11
  it
• 0:11
  in
• 0:11
  your
• 0:11
  health,
• 0:12
  wellness,
• 0:12
  relationships,
• 0:13
  and
• 0:13
  spiritual
• 0:13
  life.
• 0:14
  I
• 0:14
  am
• 0:14
  Dr.
• 0:14
  Danielle,
• 0:15
  your
• 0:15
  host
• 0:16
  and
• 0:16
  practitioner,
• 0:17
  and
• 0:17
  I
• 0:17
  just
• 0:18
  wanna
• 0:18
  say
• 0:18
  thank
• 0:19
  you
• 0:19
  so
• 0:19
  much
• 0:19
  for
• 0:19
  being
• 0:19
  here.
• 0:20
  This
• 0:21
  is
• 0:21
  a
• 0:21
  space
• 0:21
  for
• 0:22
  you
• 0:22
  to
• 0:23
  not
• 0:23
  be
• 0:23
  afraid
• 0:24
  to
• 0:24
  talk
• 0:24
  about
• 0:24
  the
• 0:24
  deep
• 0:25
  stuff.
• 0:25
  You
• 0:26
  know,
• 0:26
  I.
• 0:27
  I
• 0:27
  struggle
• 0:28
  with
• 0:28
  relationships
• 0:29
  because
• 0:30
  I
• 0:30
  struggle
• 0:31
  to
• 0:31
  find
• 0:32
  a
• 0:32
  space
• 0:32
  that
• 0:32
  feels
• 0:32
  safe.
• 0:33
  Um,
• 0:34
  and
• 0:34
  what
• 0:34
  I
• 0:34
  mean
• 0:34
  by
• 0:34
  safe
• 0:35
  is
• 0:35
  that
• 0:35
  no
• 0:36
  one's
• 0:36
  going
• 0:36
  to
• 0:36
  judge
• 0:36
  me
• 0:37
  for
• 0:37
  what
• 0:37
  I
• 0:37
  say.
• 0:38
  Um,
• 0:38
  no
• 0:38
  one's
• 0:39
  going
• 0:39
  to
• 0:39
  go
• 0:39
  and
• 0:40
  be
• 0:40
  shocked
• 0:41
  by
• 0:41
  what
• 0:41
  I
• 0:41
  say,
• 0:42
  that
• 0:42
  they
• 0:42
  can
• 0:42
  hold
• 0:42
  space
• 0:43
  for
• 0:43
  all
• 0:43
  of
• 0:43
  me,
• 0:44
  the
• 0:44
  imperfect
• 0:44
  parts
• 0:45
  of
• 0:45
  me.
• 0:46
  And,
• 0:46
  um.
• 0:47
  I
• 0:47
  think
• 0:48
  that
• 0:48
  there
• 0:48
  are
• 0:48
  plenty
• 0:48
  of
• 0:48
  spaces
• 0:49
  out
• 0:49
  there
• 0:50
  that
• 0:50
  are
• 0:50
  very
• 0:50
  surface
• 0:51
  level,
• 0:51
  that
• 0:52
  are
• 0:52
  very
• 0:52
  just
• 0:53
  like,
• 0:53
  how's
• 0:53
  the
• 0:53
  weather?
• 0:54
  And
• 0:54
  talking
• 0:55
  about
• 0:55
  other
• 0:55
  people
• 0:56
  all
• 0:56
  the
• 0:56
  time.
• 0:57
  And
• 0:57
  I
• 0:57
  don't
• 0:57
  think
• 0:57
  that
• 0:57
  that
• 0:58
  is
• 0:58
  very
• 0:58
  productive
• 0:59
  and
• 0:59
  that
• 0:59
  is
• 0:59
  not
• 0:59
  something
• 0:59
  I
• 1:00
  want
• 1:00
  to
• 1:00
  do
• 1:00
  here.
• 1:01
  And
• 1:01
  so
• 1:02
  we're
• 1:02
  not
• 1:02
  afraid
• 1:02
  to
• 1:02
  talk
• 1:02
  about
• 1:03
  the
• 1:03
  deep
• 1:03
  stuff
• 1:03
  here.
• 1:04
  The
• 1:04
  things
• 1:04
  that
• 1:04
  we.
• 1:04
  Hold
• 1:05
  us
• 1:05
  back.
• 1:05
  The
• 1:06
  things
• 1:06
  that
• 1:06
  at
• 1:07
  church
• 1:07
  we're
• 1:07
  not
• 1:07
  talking
• 1:08
  about,
• 1:08
  like
• 1:08
  the
• 1:08
  things
• 1:09
  that
• 1:09
  Christian
• 1:09
  women
• 1:10
  are
• 1:10
  just
• 1:10
  not
• 1:10
  talking
• 1:11
  about,
• 1:11
  and
• 1:11
  yet
• 1:12
  it's
• 1:12
  sitting
• 1:12
  there
• 1:12
  and
• 1:12
  we
• 1:13
  all
• 1:13
  feel
• 1:14
  it,
• 1:14
  but
• 1:15
  I
• 1:15
  don't
• 1:15
  know
• 1:15
  if
• 1:15
  we've
• 1:15
  ever
• 1:16
  just
• 1:16
  kind
• 1:16
  of
• 1:16
  put
• 1:16
  names
• 1:17
  on
• 1:17
  these
• 1:17
  things
• 1:18
  or
• 1:18
  we've
• 1:18
  ever
• 1:18
  done
• 1:19
  that.
• 1:19
  So
• 1:19
  that's
• 1:20
  what
• 1:20
  the
• 1:20
  crying
• 1:20
  of
• 1:20
  My
• 1:20
  Cheesecake
• 1:21
  podcast
• 1:21
  is
• 1:21
  here
• 1:22
  for.
• 1:22
  We're
• 1:22
  here
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  just
• 1:23
  make
• 1:23
  life
• 1:24
  seem.
• 1:24
  Not
• 1:25
  so
• 1:25
  difficult
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  not
• 1:26
  so
• 1:27
  lonely
• 1:27
  and
• 1:27
  not
• 1:27
  so
• 1:28
  isolating.
• 1:29
  And
• 1:29
  in
• 1:29
  today's
• 1:30
  episode,
• 1:31
  we
• 1:31
  are
• 1:31
  going
• 1:31
  to
• 1:32
  talk
• 1:32
  about
• 1:33
  codependency.
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  had
• 1:35
  a
• 1:35
  gal
• 1:35
  come
• 1:35
  into
• 1:35
  my
• 1:35
  office,
• 1:36
  uh,
• 1:36
  I
• 1:36
  think
• 1:37
  it
• 1:37
  was
• 1:37
  maybe
• 1:37
  last
• 1:37
  month,
• 1:38
  and
• 1:38
  she
• 1:39
  was
• 1:40
  talking
• 1:40
  about
• 1:41
  these
• 1:41
  things
• 1:41
  that
• 1:41
  she
• 1:41
  was
• 1:41
  feeling,
• 1:42
  and
• 1:42
  I
• 1:42
  said,
• 1:43
  do
• 1:43
  you
• 1:43
  know
• 1:43
  what
• 1:43
  you
• 1:43
  just
• 1:43
  described
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  me?
• 1:44
  And
• 1:45
  I,
• 1:45
  she
• 1:45
  was
• 1:45
  like,
• 1:45
  no.
• 1:46
  And
• 1:46
  I
• 1:46
  said,
• 1:46
  it's
• 1:46
  codependency.
• 1:48
  And
• 1:48
  she
• 1:48
  looked
• 1:49
  at
• 1:49
  me.
• 1:50
  And
• 1:50
  her
• 1:51
  eyeballs
• 1:51
  just
• 1:51
  went
• 1:52
  like,
• 1:52
  okay,
• 1:52
  I
• 1:52
  trust
• 1:53
  you,
• 1:53
  but
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  need
• 1:54
  you
• 1:54
  to
• 1:54
  describe
• 1:55
  what
• 1:55
  codependency
• 1:56
  actually
• 1:57
  is.
• 1:58
  Because
• 1:58
  all
• 1:58
  I've
• 1:58
  ever
• 1:59
  heard
• 1:59
  is
• 2:00
  like
• 2:00
  the
• 2:00
  negative
• 2:01
  things
• 2:01
  of
• 2:01
  it
• 2:02
  and
• 2:02
  how
• 2:03
  addiction
• 2:03
  is
• 2:03
  present.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:04
  she's
• 2:04
  like,
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  just,
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  really
• 2:06
  need
• 2:06
  you
• 2:06
  to
• 2:06
  help
• 2:06
  me
• 2:07
  work
• 2:07
  through
• 2:07
  this.
• 2:07
  So
• 2:08
  I'm
• 2:08
  going
• 2:09
  to
• 2:09
  share
• 2:10
  the,
• 2:11
  share
• 2:11
  the
• 2:11
  experience
• 2:12
  with
• 2:12
  you
• 2:13
  here
• 2:13
  as
• 2:13
  well
• 2:13
  because
• 2:14
  I
• 2:14
  am,
• 2:14
  I
• 2:14
  know
• 2:15
  that
• 2:15
  someone
• 2:15
  here
• 2:15
  is
• 2:16
  probably.
• 2:17
  Working
• 2:17
  on
• 2:17
  this
• 2:17
  or
• 2:18
  feeling
• 2:18
  these
• 2:18
  same
• 2:19
  things.
• 2:20
  So
• 2:20
  if
• 2:20
  you've
• 2:21
  ever
• 2:21
  found
• 2:21
  yourself
• 2:21
  obsessing
• 2:22
  over
• 2:23
  someone
• 2:23
  else's
• 2:24
  choices,
• 2:25
  obsessing
• 2:26
  over
• 2:26
  someone
• 2:27
  else's,
• 2:27
  like
• 2:28
  what
• 2:28
  they
• 2:28
  might
• 2:28
  be
• 2:29
  thinking
• 2:29
  about
• 2:29
  you
• 2:30
  or
• 2:31
  why
• 2:31
  they're
• 2:31
  quiet
• 2:32
  and
• 2:32
  not
• 2:32
  talking
• 2:33
  to
• 2:33
  you,
• 2:34
  if
• 2:34
  you've
• 2:34
  ever
• 2:34
  had
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  stay
• 2:35
  silent
• 2:36
  to
• 2:36
  avoid
• 2:36
  conflict,
• 2:38
  if
• 2:38
  you
• 2:38
  come
• 2:38
  from
• 2:38
  a
• 2:38
  home
• 2:39
  where
• 2:39
  everything
• 2:39
  had
• 2:39
  to
• 2:39
  be
• 2:39
  shoved
• 2:40
  under
• 2:40
  the
• 2:40
  rug,
• 2:41
  if
• 2:41
  you've
• 2:41
  ever
• 2:42
  tried
• 2:42
  to
• 2:42
  manage
• 2:42
  or
• 2:42
  fix
• 2:43
  someone
• 2:43
  else's
• 2:43
  life
• 2:44
  more
• 2:44
  than
• 2:44
  your
• 2:44
  own.
• 2:46
  If
• 2:46
  you
• 2:46
  lose
• 2:46
  sleep
• 2:46
  over
• 2:47
  other
• 2:47
  people's
• 2:47
  problems,
• 2:49
  you
• 2:49
  might
• 2:49
  be
• 2:49
  dealing
• 2:50
  with
• 2:50
  codependency.
• 2:51
  And
• 2:51
  the
• 2:52
  way
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  would
• 2:52
  like
• 2:52
  to
• 2:52
  describe
• 2:53
  this
• 2:54
  is,
• 2:55
  is,
• 2:55
  is
• 2:55
  like
• 2:55
  this
• 2:56
  codependency
• 2:57
  feels
• 2:58
  like
• 2:59
  you're
• 2:59
  going
• 2:59
  through
• 2:59
  life
• 3:00
  and
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  world
• 3:00
  is
• 3:00
  spinning
• 3:00
  around
• 3:01
  you,
• 3:01
  but
• 3:01
  you
• 3:01
  have
• 3:02
  to
• 3:02
  control
• 3:02
  every
• 3:03
  little
• 3:03
  thing
• 3:03
  about
• 3:03
  yourself
• 3:04
  and
• 3:04
  about
• 3:05
  everyone
• 3:05
  else,
• 3:06
  and
• 3:06
  so
• 3:06
  that
• 3:06
  they
• 3:06
  don't
• 3:07
  embarrass
• 3:07
  you,
• 3:07
  and
• 3:07
  so
• 3:07
  you
• 3:07
  don't
• 3:08
  embarrass
• 3:08
  them.
• 3:08
  And
• 3:08
  so
• 3:08
  that.
• 3:09
  If
• 3:09
  you
• 3:09
  walk
• 3:10
  on
• 3:10
  eggshells
• 3:11
  and
• 3:11
  then
• 3:11
  one
• 3:11
  of
• 3:11
  them
• 3:11
  happens
• 3:12
  to
• 3:12
  just
• 3:12
  crack
• 3:12
  just
• 3:13
  loud
• 3:13
  enough,
• 3:14
  someone
• 3:14
  gets
• 3:14
  mad
• 3:15
  at
• 3:15
  you
• 3:15
  and
• 3:15
  then
• 3:15
  calls
• 3:16
  you
• 3:16
  out
• 3:16
  and
• 3:16
  ridicules
• 3:17
  you,
• 3:17
  someone
• 3:18
  makes
• 3:18
  you
• 3:18
  feel
• 3:18
  shame.
• 3:19
  Someone
• 3:19
  makes
• 3:19
  you
• 3:19
  feel,
• 3:20
  um,
• 3:20
  manipulated
• 3:21
  and
• 3:21
  controlled
• 3:22
  because
• 3:22
  you
• 3:23
  made
• 3:23
  them
• 3:23
  feel
• 3:23
  a
• 3:23
  certain
• 3:24
  way.
• 3:24
  You
• 3:24
  brought
• 3:24
  something
• 3:24
  to
• 3:24
  the
• 3:24
  surface
• 3:25
  that
• 3:25
  they
• 3:25
  don't
• 3:26
  want
• 3:26
  out
• 3:26
  into
• 3:26
  public,
• 3:26
  and
• 3:27
  they,
• 3:27
  and
• 3:27
  you
• 3:27
  brought
• 3:28
  something
• 3:28
  out
• 3:29
  that
• 3:29
  wasn't
• 3:29
  keeping
• 3:29
  the
• 3:29
  family
• 3:30
  secret,
• 3:32
  the
• 3:32
  family
• 3:32
  secret.
• 3:33
  Every
• 3:34
  family
• 3:34
  has
• 3:34
  one,
• 3:35
  every
• 3:36
  family
• 3:36
  has
• 3:36
  secrets.
• 3:37
  But
• 3:37
  if
• 3:38
  you
• 3:38
  for
• 3:38
  some
• 3:38
  reason
• 3:39
  speak
• 3:39
  them
• 3:39
  out
• 3:40
  loud
• 3:40
  and
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  use
• 3:41
  them
• 3:41
  as
• 3:41
  a
• 3:41
  testimony
• 3:42
  and
• 3:42
  you
• 3:42
  use
• 3:42
  them
• 3:43
  to
• 3:43
  support
• 3:43
  other
• 3:43
  people,
• 3:44
  and
• 3:44
  you
• 3:44
  use
• 3:45
  them
• 3:46
  or
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  accidentally
• 3:48
  let
• 3:48
  it
• 3:48
  out
• 3:48
  in
• 3:48
  public
• 3:49
  that
• 3:49
  something
• 3:49
  happened
• 3:50
  and
• 3:50
  you
• 3:50
  get
• 3:51
  ridiculed
• 3:51
  for
• 3:51
  that
• 3:51
  and
• 3:52
  shamed
• 3:52
  and,
• 3:53
  and
• 3:53
  manipulated
• 3:54
  and,
• 3:54
  and
• 3:55
  you
• 3:55
  feel
• 3:55
  guilt
• 3:55
  gut
• 3:56
  and
• 3:56
  you
• 3:56
  feel
• 3:57
  condemned
• 3:57
  and
• 3:58
  you
• 3:58
  feel
• 3:58
  all
• 3:58
  of
• 3:58
  these
• 3:58
  things.
• 3:59
  Those
• 4:00
  things
• 4:00
  are
• 4:00
  codependency.
• 4:03
  Because
• 4:03
  codependency
• 4:04
  is
• 4:05
  not
• 4:05
  just
• 4:05
  about
• 4:05
  being
• 4:05
  in
• 4:06
  a
• 4:06
  relationship
• 4:06
  with
• 4:06
  someone
• 4:07
  struggling
• 4:07
  with
• 4:07
  addiction,
• 4:08
  I,
• 4:08
  that's
• 4:08
  where
• 4:08
  the
• 4:08
  term
• 4:09
  originated.
• 4:10
  But
• 4:10
  today
• 4:10
  we
• 4:11
  understand
• 4:11
  that
• 4:11
  codependency
• 4:12
  is
• 4:12
  a
• 4:12
  pattern
• 4:13
  of
• 4:13
  behaviors
• 4:14
  where
• 4:14
  we
• 4:14
  abandon
• 4:15
  ourselves
• 4:15
  to
• 4:16
  take
• 4:16
  responsibility
• 4:17
  for
• 4:17
  other
• 4:17
  people's
• 4:17
  life.
• 4:18
  It
• 4:18
  is
• 4:18
  self
• 4:19
  neglect,
• 4:19
  masquerading
• 4:20
  as
• 4:20
  love
• 4:21
  or
• 4:21
  martyr
• 4:22
  or,
• 4:22
  um,
• 4:22
  I'm
• 4:23
  just
• 4:23
  keeping
• 4:23
  the
• 4:23
  peace.
• 4:24
  Or
• 4:24
  maybe
• 4:25
  you've
• 4:25
  had
• 4:25
  some
• 4:26
  things
• 4:26
  happen
• 4:26
  in
• 4:26
  your
• 4:27
  family
• 4:27
  and
• 4:27
  in
• 4:27
  your
• 4:28
  life
• 4:28
  that
• 4:28
  you
• 4:29
  had
• 4:29
  to
• 4:29
  be
• 4:29
  the
• 4:29
  one
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  just
• 4:30
  kind
• 4:30
  of
• 4:30
  kept
• 4:30
  silent
• 4:31
  and
• 4:31
  kept
• 4:31
  to
• 4:32
  yourself,
• 4:32
  and
• 4:32
  you
• 4:32
  just
• 4:32
  had
• 4:32
  to
• 4:32
  kind
• 4:33
  of
• 4:33
  isolate
• 4:33
  and
• 4:34
  literally
• 4:34
  become
• 4:34
  an
• 4:34
  adult
• 4:35
  in
• 4:35
  the,
• 4:35
  in
• 4:36
  your
• 4:36
  own
• 4:36
  bedroom
• 4:37
  because
• 4:37
  no
• 4:38
  one
• 4:38
  gave
• 4:38
  you
• 4:38
  attention.
• 4:39
  Maybe
• 4:40
  you
• 4:40
  are
• 4:40
  someone
• 4:40
  who
• 4:41
  is
• 4:41
  so
• 4:41
  concerned
• 4:42
  about
• 4:42
  not
• 4:43
  being
• 4:43
  nice
• 4:43
  to
• 4:43
  someone.
• 4:44
  So
• 4:44
  you
• 4:45
  surrender
• 4:46
  all
• 4:46
  of
• 4:46
  your
• 4:46
  voice
• 4:47
  and
• 4:47
  all
• 4:47
  of
• 4:47
  your
• 4:47
  things
• 4:47
  and
• 4:48
  then
• 4:48
  take
• 4:48
  ownership
• 4:48
  of,
• 4:49
  of
• 4:49
  behaviors
• 4:50
  of
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  other
• 4:50
  people,
• 4:51
  and
• 4:51
  you
• 4:52
  feel
• 4:52
  guilt
• 4:52
  for
• 4:52
  that,
• 4:53
  and
• 4:53
  you
• 4:53
  take
• 4:53
  the
• 4:53
  guilt
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  shame
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  carry
• 4:54
  that
• 4:55
  burden
• 4:55
  that's
• 4:55
  not
• 4:55
  yours.
• 4:58
  And.
• 4:59
  This
• 5:00
  is
• 5:00
  self
• 5:00
  neglect.
• 5:01
  Masquerading
• 5:01
  is
• 5:02
  love.
• 5:02
  It's
• 5:02
  control,
• 5:03
  wearing
• 5:03
  a
• 5:03
  costume
• 5:03
  of
• 5:04
  concern,
• 5:04
  and
• 5:04
  usually
• 5:05
  we
• 5:05
  are
• 5:05
  stuffing
• 5:06
  ourselves
• 5:06
  with
• 5:06
  food
• 5:07
  in
• 5:07
  order
• 5:07
  to
• 5:07
  silence
• 5:08
  that
• 5:08
  fear
• 5:09
  of
• 5:09
  rejection,
• 5:09
  that
• 5:10
  fear
• 5:10
  of
• 5:10
  setting
• 5:11
  things
• 5:11
  off,
• 5:11
  that
• 5:12
  fear
• 5:12
  of
• 5:13
  being,
• 5:13
  um,
• 5:15
  ostracized
• 5:15
  in
• 5:15
  our
• 5:16
  families
• 5:16
  or
• 5:16
  being
• 5:16
  exiled
• 5:17
  from
• 5:17
  our
• 5:17
  family
• 5:18
  members.
• 5:19
  It's
• 5:20
  exhausting.
• 5:21
  We
• 5:21
  lose
• 5:21
  ourselves.
• 5:22
  We
• 5:22
  lose
• 5:22
  our
• 5:22
  voice,
• 5:22
  we
• 5:23
  lose
• 5:23
  our
• 5:23
  testimony.
• 5:24
  We
• 5:24
  lose
• 5:24
  who
• 5:25
  we
• 5:25
  actually
• 5:25
  are
• 5:26
  on
• 5:26
  this
• 5:26
  stage
• 5:27
  of
• 5:27
  life.
• 5:28
  All
• 5:29
  because
• 5:29
  we're
• 5:29
  trying
• 5:29
  to
• 5:30
  please
• 5:30
  whoever
• 5:31
  them
• 5:32
  is.
• 5:33
  Now,
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  say
• 5:34
  this
• 5:34
  from
• 5:34
  experience,
• 5:35
  but
• 5:35
  I
• 5:35
  also
• 5:36
  say
• 5:36
  this
• 5:36
  from
• 5:36
  experience
• 5:37
  of
• 5:37
  all
• 5:37
  of
• 5:38
  the
• 5:38
  women
• 5:38
  I
• 5:38
  have
• 5:38
  worked
• 5:39
  with.
• 5:39
  Everyone
• 5:40
  somewhere
• 5:41
  along
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  way
• 5:41
  has
• 5:41
  learned
• 5:42
  that
• 5:42
  coping
• 5:43
  means
• 5:43
  shutting
• 5:44
  up.
• 5:45
  And
• 5:45
  I'm
• 5:45
  gonna
• 5:45
  tell
• 5:45
  you,
• 5:46
  we
• 5:46
  have
• 5:46
  a
• 5:46
  voice
• 5:46
  for
• 5:47
  a
• 5:47
  reason.
• 5:48
  We
• 5:48
  have
• 5:48
  a
• 5:48
  voice
• 5:48
  because
• 5:49
  we
• 5:49
  are
• 5:49
  to
• 5:50
  use
• 5:50
  it.
• 5:50
  We
• 5:51
  are
• 5:51
  to
• 5:51
  use
• 5:51
  it
• 5:51
  to
• 5:52
  further
• 5:52
  the
• 5:52
  kingdom
• 5:52
  of
• 5:53
  God.
• 5:53
  And
• 5:53
  we
• 5:53
  are
• 5:53
  not
• 5:54
  to
• 5:54
  serve
• 5:55
  other
• 5:55
  people.
• 5:56
  We
• 5:56
  are
• 5:56
  to
• 5:56
  serve
• 5:56
  and
• 5:57
  surrender
• 5:57
  our
• 5:57
  God
• 5:58
  first.
• 5:59
  And
• 5:59
  then
• 5:59
  we
• 5:59
  serve
• 6:00
  other
• 6:00
  people
• 6:01
  by
• 6:01
  encouraging
• 6:02
  them,
• 6:02
  speaking
• 6:02
  truth
• 6:02
  in
• 6:03
  love.
• 6:03
  And
• 6:03
  if
• 6:03
  someone
• 6:04
  can't
• 6:04
  handle
• 6:04
  that,
• 6:05
  that
• 6:05
  is
• 6:05
  on
• 6:05
  them,
• 6:05
  not
• 6:06
  you.
• 6:07
  Now
• 6:07
  if
• 6:07
  you
• 6:07
  are
• 6:07
  gossiping
• 6:08
  and,
• 6:08
  and
• 6:08
  causing
• 6:09
  problems
• 6:09
  behind
• 6:09
  the
• 6:10
  scenes,
• 6:10
  then
• 6:10
  absolutely
• 6:11
  that's
• 6:11
  something
• 6:11
  you
• 6:11
  gotta
• 6:11
  deal
• 6:11
  with.
• 6:12
  But
• 6:12
  when
• 6:13
  someone
• 6:13
  behaves
• 6:14
  and
• 6:14
  responds
• 6:15
  in
• 6:15
  a
• 6:15
  way
• 6:15
  that
• 6:16
  is
• 6:16
  condemning
• 6:17
  and
• 6:17
  shaming
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  and,
• 6:18
  um,
• 6:19
  saying
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  they're
• 6:20
  disappointed
• 6:20
  in
• 6:20
  you
• 6:20
  and,
• 6:21
  and
• 6:21
  all
• 6:21
  of
• 6:21
  this
• 6:21
  stuff
• 6:22
  that
• 6:22
  has
• 6:22
  nothing
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  do
• 6:23
  with
• 6:23
  you,
• 6:23
  that
• 6:23
  has
• 6:24
  everything
• 6:24
  to
• 6:24
  do
• 6:24
  with
• 6:25
  them.
• 6:25
  So
• 6:26
  let's
• 6:26
  talk
• 6:26
  about
• 6:26
  how
• 6:26
  codependency
• 6:27
  feels
• 6:28
  in
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  body.
• 6:29
  Because
• 6:29
  this
• 6:29
  is
• 6:30
  a
• 6:30
  lived
• 6:30
  experience.
• 6:31
  This
• 6:31
  isn't
• 6:31
  just
• 6:31
  a
• 6:31
  theory
• 6:32
  or
• 6:32
  thoughts
• 6:32
  or,
• 6:33
  or,
• 6:33
  um,
• 6:33
  something
• 6:34
  that
• 6:34
  happens.
• 6:35
  It
• 6:35
  is
• 6:35
  lived
• 6:36
  out
• 6:36
  in
• 6:36
  your
• 6:37
  body.
• 6:39
  It
• 6:39
  is
• 6:39
  a
• 6:39
  tight
• 6:40
  chest
• 6:42
  when
• 6:42
  your
• 6:42
  child
• 6:42
  is
• 6:43
  upset
• 6:44
  or
• 6:44
  when
• 6:44
  your
• 6:44
  mom
• 6:45
  or
• 6:45
  your
• 6:45
  dad
• 6:45
  or
• 6:46
  your
• 6:46
  brother
• 6:46
  or
• 6:46
  your
• 6:46
  husband
• 6:47
  or
• 6:47
  a
• 6:47
  friend
• 6:48
  when
• 6:48
  your
• 6:48
  chest
• 6:49
  gets
• 6:49
  tight.
• 6:51
  That's
• 6:51
  a
• 6:52
  sign
• 6:52
  of
• 6:52
  codependency.
• 6:53
  You
• 6:54
  know,
• 6:54
  that
• 6:54
  gut
• 6:55
  ache
• 6:55
  or
• 6:55
  that
• 6:56
  guilt
• 6:56
  gut,
• 6:57
  you
• 6:57
  know
• 6:57
  what
• 6:57
  I'm
• 6:57
  talking
• 6:57
  about,
• 6:57
  where
• 6:57
  you
• 6:57
  feel
• 6:58
  like
• 6:58
  you're
• 6:58
  in
• 6:58
  trouble.
• 6:59
  That
• 7:00
  is
• 7:00
  a
• 7:00
  sign
• 7:02
  of
• 7:02
  codependency
• 7:03
  when
• 7:03
  someone
• 7:04
  around
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  makes
• 7:04
  a
• 7:04
  bad
• 7:05
  decision
• 7:05
  or
• 7:05
  someone
• 7:06
  blames
• 7:06
  you
• 7:06
  for
• 7:06
  something
• 7:07
  and
• 7:07
  you
• 7:07
  have
• 7:07
  guilt
• 7:07
  gut
• 7:08
  and
• 7:08
  it,
• 7:08
  you
• 7:08
  never
• 7:08
  did
• 7:09
  that.
• 7:10
  That's,
• 7:11
  that's
• 7:11
  codependency.
• 7:12
  If
• 7:12
  you
• 7:12
  have
• 7:13
  sleepless
• 7:13
  nights
• 7:13
  ruminating
• 7:14
  over
• 7:14
  what
• 7:14
  someone
• 7:15
  said
• 7:15
  or
• 7:15
  didn't
• 7:16
  say,
• 7:16
  that's
• 7:17
  codependency
• 7:18
  chronic
• 7:18
  fatigue
• 7:19
  because
• 7:19
  you're
• 7:19
  constantly
• 7:19
  scanning
• 7:20
  for
• 7:20
  other
• 7:20
  people's
• 7:20
  needs
• 7:21
  or
• 7:21
  you
• 7:21
  call
• 7:21
  yourself
• 7:22
  an
• 7:22
  empath.
• 7:23
  There
• 7:23
  is
• 7:23
  a
• 7:23
  difference
• 7:24
  between
• 7:24
  empath
• 7:24
  and
• 7:24
  empathy,
• 7:25
  and
• 7:25
  empath
• 7:25
  is
• 7:26
  a
• 7:26
  codependent.
• 7:27
  Empathy
• 7:27
  is
• 7:28
  being
• 7:28
  able
• 7:28
  to
• 7:28
  sit
• 7:28
  next
• 7:29
  to
• 7:29
  the
• 7:29
  person
• 7:30
  while
• 7:30
  they're
• 7:30
  in
• 7:30
  the
• 7:31
  their
• 7:31
  struggles.
• 7:32
  We
• 7:32
  are
• 7:32
  not
• 7:32
  meant
• 7:32
  to
• 7:32
  carry
• 7:33
  each
• 7:33
  other's
• 7:33
  load
• 7:34
  like
• 7:34
  that.
• 7:34
  We're
• 7:35
  supposed
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  be
• 7:36
  carrying
• 7:36
  that
• 7:36
  load
• 7:36
  with
• 7:36
  Jesus.
• 7:37
  Jesus
• 7:37
  is
• 7:37
  supposed
• 7:38
  to
• 7:38
  be
• 7:38
  carrying
• 7:38
  that
• 7:38
  load.
• 7:39
  We're
• 7:39
  supposed
• 7:39
  to
• 7:39
  walk
• 7:40
  alongside
• 7:40
  people.
• 7:41
  We're
• 7:41
  not
• 7:41
  supposed
• 7:42
  to
• 7:42
  carry
• 7:43
  their
• 7:43
  needs
• 7:44
  and
• 7:45
  all
• 7:45
  of
• 7:45
  that.
• 7:46
  That
• 7:46
  is
• 7:46
  codependency.
• 7:48
  If
• 7:48
  your
• 7:48
  throat
• 7:48
  closes
• 7:49
  up
• 7:49
  because
• 7:49
  you're
• 7:49
  afraid
• 7:50
  to
• 7:50
  speak,
• 7:50
  truth,
• 7:51
  the
• 7:51
  truth,
• 7:52
  your
• 7:52
  testimony,
• 7:52
  anything.
• 7:54
  Because
• 7:54
  you're
• 7:54
  afraid
• 7:54
  of
• 7:54
  ridicule
• 7:55
  or
• 7:55
  what
• 7:55
  you're
• 7:55
  gonna
• 7:55
  get,
• 7:56
  that
• 7:57
  is
• 7:57
  codependency.
• 7:59
  Physiologically.
• 8:00
  Codependency
• 8:01
  puts
• 8:01
  your
• 8:01
  body
• 8:01
  in
• 8:01
  a
• 8:02
  chronic,
• 8:02
  sympathetic
• 8:03
  stress,
• 8:03
  all
• 8:03
  that
• 8:03
  means.
• 8:04
  That's
• 8:04
  a
• 8:04
  very
• 8:04
  fancy
• 8:05
  way
• 8:05
  to
• 8:05
  say
• 8:06
  codependency
• 8:07
  puts
• 8:07
  you
• 8:07
  in
• 8:07
  fight
• 8:07
  or
• 8:07
  flight
• 8:08
  if.
• 8:08
  Even
• 8:09
  if
• 8:09
  you
• 8:09
  look
• 8:09
  calm
• 8:10
  on
• 8:10
  the
• 8:10
  outside,
• 8:11
  your
• 8:11
  nervous
• 8:12
  system
• 8:12
  is
• 8:12
  always
• 8:13
  on
• 8:13
  high
• 8:13
  alert.
• 8:14
  What
• 8:14
  do
• 8:14
  they
• 8:15
  need?
• 8:15
  How
• 8:16
  can
• 8:16
  I
• 8:16
  help?
• 8:17
  How
• 8:17
  do
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  prevent
• 8:17
  the
• 8:17
  fallout?
• 8:18
  How
• 8:18
  do
• 8:18
  I
• 8:19
  protect
• 8:19
  everybody?
• 8:20
  How
• 8:20
  do
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  make
• 8:20
  sure
• 8:20
  all
• 8:20
  the
• 8:20
  bills
• 8:21
  are
• 8:21
  paid?
• 8:21
  How
• 8:21
  do
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  make
• 8:22
  sure
• 8:22
  the
• 8:22
  trash
• 8:22
  gets
• 8:23
  out?
• 8:23
  How
• 8:23
  do
• 8:23
  I
• 8:23
  make
• 8:23
  sure
• 8:23
  that
• 8:23
  this
• 8:24
  person
• 8:24
  doesn't
• 8:24
  embarrass
• 8:24
  me
• 8:25
  in
• 8:25
  public?
• 8:25
  How
• 8:25
  do
• 8:26
  I
• 8:26
  make
• 8:26
  sure
• 8:26
  that
• 8:27
  this
• 8:27
  person,
• 8:28
  like
• 8:28
  I
• 8:28
  need
• 8:29
  to
• 8:29
  be
• 8:29
  loved
• 8:29
  by
• 8:29
  this
• 8:29
  person?
• 8:29
  So
• 8:30
  how
• 8:30
  do
• 8:30
  I
• 8:30
  get
• 8:30
  loved?
• 8:30
  How,
• 8:30
  how
• 8:31
  do
• 8:31
  I
• 8:31
  get
• 8:31
  that?
• 8:32
  This
• 8:33
  keeps
• 8:33
  you
• 8:33
  from
• 8:33
  healing.
• 8:34
  You
• 8:34
  could
• 8:34
  do
• 8:35
  every
• 8:35
  single
• 8:35
  detox.
• 8:35
  You
• 8:36
  could
• 8:36
  do
• 8:36
  my
• 8:36
  drainage
• 8:36
  protocol.
• 8:36
  You
• 8:37
  could
• 8:37
  join
• 8:37
  the
• 8:37
  wilderness
• 8:37
  of
• 8:37
  wellness,
• 8:38
  and
• 8:38
  you
• 8:38
  would
• 8:38
  still
• 8:39
  not
• 8:39
  get
• 8:39
  the
• 8:40
  healing
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  you
• 8:40
  need
• 8:42
  because
• 8:42
  your
• 8:42
  nervous
• 8:43
  system
• 8:43
  is
• 8:43
  in
• 8:43
  that
• 8:43
  fight
• 8:44
  or
• 8:44
  flight.
• 8:45
  Always,
• 8:45
  always,
• 8:46
  always
• 8:46
  waiting
• 8:47
  for
• 8:47
  that
• 8:47
  shoe
• 8:47
  to
• 8:47
  drop
• 8:48
  because
• 8:48
  that
• 8:48
  shoe
• 8:49
  to
• 8:49
  drop
• 8:49
  is
• 8:49
  your
• 8:50
  responsibility
• 8:50
  because
• 8:51
  someone
• 8:51
  has
• 8:51
  put
• 8:51
  that
• 8:51
  on
• 8:51
  you
• 8:52
  and
• 8:52
  that
• 8:52
  is
• 8:52
  your
• 8:52
  survival.
• 8:54
  Your
• 8:54
  survival
• 8:55
  is
• 8:55
  to
• 8:55
  keep
• 8:55
  the
• 8:56
  peace
• 8:56
  and
• 8:56
  that
• 8:56
  is
• 8:56
  not
• 8:57
  healthy.
• 8:59
  It
• 8:59
  is
• 8:59
  not
• 9:00
  your
• 9:00
  responsibility
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  take
• 9:01
  care
• 9:01
  of
• 9:01
  everybody.
• 9:02
  It
• 9:02
  is
• 9:03
  your
• 9:03
  responsibility
• 9:03
  to
• 9:03
  take
• 9:04
  care
• 9:04
  of
• 9:04
  you.
• 9:04
  And
• 9:05
  then
• 9:05
  if
• 9:05
  there's
• 9:05
  anything
• 9:05
  over
• 9:06
  the
• 9:06
  top,
• 9:06
  then
• 9:07
  you
• 9:07
  take
• 9:07
  care
• 9:07
  of
• 9:07
  others.
• 9:09
  But
• 9:09
  this
• 9:09
  behavior,
• 9:10
  this
• 9:10
  physiological
• 9:11
  response
• 9:12
  and
• 9:12
  demand
• 9:13
  of
• 9:13
  codependent
• 9:14
  behaviors
• 9:15
  is
• 9:15
  keeping
• 9:15
  you
• 9:15
  from
• 9:16
  healing,
• 9:16
  keeping
• 9:16
  you
• 9:16
  from
• 9:17
  resting.
• 9:17
  'cause
• 9:17
  remember,
• 9:17
  when
• 9:18
  rest,
• 9:18
  when
• 9:18
  we
• 9:18
  rest
• 9:19
  or
• 9:19
  sleep,
• 9:19
  that's
• 9:19
  the
• 9:20
  only
• 9:20
  time
• 9:20
  we
• 9:20
  heal.
• 9:21
  It
• 9:21
  keeps
• 9:22
  you
• 9:22
  from
• 9:22
  thinking
• 9:22
  clearly,
• 9:23
  and
• 9:23
  it
• 9:23
  keeps
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  from
• 9:23
  feeling
• 9:24
  like
• 9:24
  yourself.
• 9:26
  If
• 9:26
  you've
• 9:26
  ever
• 9:26
  felt
• 9:27
  like
• 9:27
  you
• 9:27
  were
• 9:27
  exhausted,
• 9:28
  that
• 9:29
  you've
• 9:29
  lost
• 9:29
  yourself,
• 9:30
  that
• 9:30
  may
• 9:31
  be
• 9:31
  a
• 9:31
  sign
• 9:31
  of
• 9:31
  codependency.
• 9:33
  Codependency
• 9:34
  can
• 9:34
  be
• 9:34
  keeping
• 9:34
  up
• 9:34
  with
• 9:34
  the
• 9:34
  Joneses,
• 9:35
  having
• 9:36
  your
• 9:36
  kids
• 9:36
  in
• 9:36
  every
• 9:37
  single
• 9:37
  sport
• 9:38
  after
• 9:38
  school
• 9:38
  activity
• 9:39
  where
• 9:39
  there
• 9:39
  is
• 9:39
  absolutely
• 9:40
  no
• 9:40
  downtime
• 9:41
  at
• 9:41
  home.
• 9:42
  And
• 9:42
  if
• 9:43
  your
• 9:43
  kid
• 9:43
  is
• 9:43
  constantly
• 9:44
  looking
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  get
• 9:45
  away,
• 9:46
  your
• 9:46
  kids
• 9:46
  are
• 9:46
  constantly
• 9:47
  looking
• 9:47
  to
• 9:47
  do
• 9:47
  that.
• 9:47
  Just
• 9:48
  be
• 9:48
  paying
• 9:48
  attention.
• 9:49
  Pay
• 9:50
  attention,
• 9:52
  because
• 9:52
  we've
• 9:53
  got
• 9:53
  to
• 9:53
  bust
• 9:53
  this
• 9:53
  myth
• 9:54
  as
• 9:54
  well.
• 9:55
  You
• 9:55
  don't
• 9:55
  have
• 9:56
  to
• 9:56
  grow
• 9:56
  up
• 9:56
  in
• 9:57
  with
• 9:57
  an
• 9:57
  alcoholic
• 9:58
  parent
• 9:58
  to
• 9:58
  be
• 9:59
  codependent.
• 10:00
  You
• 10:00
  could
• 10:01
  grow
• 10:01
  up
• 10:01
  in
• 10:01
  a
• 10:01
  home
• 10:01
  where
• 10:02
  emotions
• 10:02
  were
• 10:02
  dismissed,
• 10:04
  that
• 10:04
  everything
• 10:05
  was
• 10:05
  shoved
• 10:05
  under
• 10:05
  the
• 10:05
  rug.
• 10:06
  Nothing
• 10:06
  was
• 10:06
  talked
• 10:06
  about,
• 10:07
  where
• 10:07
  perfection
• 10:08
  was
• 10:08
  praised,
• 10:09
  and
• 10:10
  then
• 10:10
  it
• 10:10
  was
• 10:10
  questioned
• 10:10
  when
• 10:11
  you
• 10:11
  got
• 10:11
  less
• 10:12
  than
• 10:12
  perfect
• 10:13
  and
• 10:13
  anger
• 10:13
  was
• 10:14
  punished,
• 10:14
  or
• 10:14
  anger
• 10:15
  was.
• 10:15
  Um.
• 10:16
  Was
• 10:17
  seen
• 10:17
  as
• 10:17
  the
• 10:17
  only
• 10:18
  emotion
• 10:19
  you
• 10:19
  could
• 10:19
  share.
• 10:20
  Maybe
• 10:20
  you
• 10:20
  weren't
• 10:20
  allowed
• 10:21
  to
• 10:21
  cry
• 10:21
  in
• 10:22
  your
• 10:22
  childhood.
• 10:22
  Maybe
• 10:23
  you
• 10:23
  weren't
• 10:23
  allowed
• 10:24
  to,
• 10:24
  um,
• 10:25
  say
• 10:25
  anything
• 10:26
  that
• 10:26
  would
• 10:26
  come
• 10:26
  down
• 10:27
  on
• 10:27
  the
• 10:27
  family
• 10:27
  name.
• 10:28
  Maybe
• 10:29
  you
• 10:29
  weren't
• 10:29
  allowed
• 10:29
  to
• 10:29
  say
• 10:30
  anything
• 10:31
  against
• 10:31
  anything,
• 10:32
  which
• 10:33
  is
• 10:33
  actually
• 10:33
  the
• 10:33
  truth,
• 10:34
  but
• 10:34
  maybe
• 10:35
  you
• 10:35
  had
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  be
• 10:35
  the
• 10:35
  peacekeeper.
• 10:36
  Maybe
• 10:36
  you
• 10:37
  had
• 10:37
  to
• 10:37
  be
• 10:37
  the
• 10:37
  achiever.
• 10:38
  Maybe
• 10:38
  you
• 10:38
  had
• 10:39
  to
• 10:39
  be
• 10:39
  the
• 10:39
  responsible
• 10:39
  one,
• 10:40
  and
• 10:40
  then
• 10:40
  you're
• 10:40
  punished
• 10:41
  because
• 10:41
  you
• 10:41
  left
• 10:42
  or
• 10:42
  you
• 10:42
  feel
• 10:42
  like
• 10:42
  you're
• 10:43
  punished
• 10:43
  because
• 10:44
  you
• 10:44
  should
• 10:44
  have
• 10:44
  stayed.
• 10:45
  You
• 10:45
  should
• 10:45
  all
• 10:45
  these
• 10:45
  shoulds.
• 10:46
  Anytime
• 10:47
  my
• 10:47
  therapist
• 10:47
  tells
• 10:47
  me,
• 10:47
  anytime
• 10:48
  I
• 10:48
  say
• 10:48
  the
• 10:48
  word
• 10:49
  should,
• 10:49
  she
• 10:49
  stops
• 10:50
  me.
• 10:50
  Because
• 10:50
  anytime
• 10:51
  I
• 10:51
  say
• 10:51
  should,
• 10:52
  that
• 10:52
  is
• 10:52
  a
• 10:52
  sign
• 10:53
  that
• 10:54
  I
• 10:54
  am
• 10:54
  sitting
• 10:54
  in
• 10:54
  depression.
• 10:55
  It
• 10:56
  is
• 10:56
  a
• 10:56
  sign
• 10:56
  that
• 10:56
  I
• 10:57
  am
• 10:57
  going
• 10:57
  back
• 10:57
  to
• 10:58
  codependent
• 10:58
  behaviors.
• 10:59
  It
• 10:59
  is
• 10:59
  a
• 10:59
  sign
• 11:00
  that
• 11:00
  I'm
• 11:00
  trying
• 11:01
  to
• 11:01
  be
• 11:01
  like,
• 11:01
  something
• 11:02
  is
• 11:02
  manipulating
• 11:03
  me,
• 11:03
  and
• 11:03
  I'm
• 11:03
  feeling
• 11:04
  that
• 11:04
  old
• 11:05
  cycle
• 11:05
  of
• 11:05
  pattern
• 11:06
  of
• 11:06
  behavior.
• 11:07
  Shoulds
• 11:08
  are
• 11:08
  not
• 11:09
  helpful.
• 11:12
  Codependency
• 11:13
  forms
• 11:13
  when
• 11:13
  our
• 11:14
  value
• 11:14
  gets
• 11:14
  tied
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  how
• 11:15
  well
• 11:15
  we
• 11:15
  take
• 11:16
  care
• 11:16
  of
• 11:16
  others,
• 11:17
  protect
• 11:18
  others,
• 11:18
  that
• 11:18
  kind
• 11:18
  of
• 11:18
  thing,
• 11:19
  not
• 11:20
  how
• 11:20
  we
• 11:20
  take,
• 11:20
  how
• 11:20
  well
• 11:21
  we
• 11:21
  take
• 11:21
  care
• 11:21
  of
• 11:21
  ourselves.
• 11:22
  And
• 11:23
  hear
• 11:23
  me.
• 11:24
  This
• 11:24
  is
• 11:24
  really
• 11:24
  especially
• 11:25
  tricky
• 11:25
  for
• 11:25
  Christian
• 11:26
  women.
• 11:27
  We're
• 11:28
  told
• 11:28
  to
• 11:28
  serve,
• 11:29
  to
• 11:29
  die
• 11:29
  to
• 11:29
  ourselves,
• 11:30
  to
• 11:30
  be
• 11:30
  selfless.
• 11:31
  And
• 11:31
  yes,
• 11:31
  there
• 11:32
  is
• 11:32
  godly
• 11:32
  sacrifice,
• 11:34
  but
• 11:34
  there's
• 11:34
  also,
• 11:35
  I'm
• 11:35
  gonna
• 11:35
  tell
• 11:35
  you
• 11:35
  this,
• 11:36
  I'm
• 11:36
  gonna
• 11:36
  repeat
• 11:36
  this.
• 11:37
  Twice.
• 11:38
  There's
• 11:38
  also
• 11:39
  something
• 11:39
  called
• 11:40
  unholy
• 11:40
  self
• 11:41
  abandonment.
• 11:43
  Unholy
• 11:44
  self
• 11:44
  abandonment.
• 11:45
  Codependency
• 11:46
  is
• 11:46
  not
• 11:46
  the
• 11:46
  same
• 11:47
  as
• 11:47
  Christlike
• 11:47
  service.
• 11:48
  Christ
• 11:48
  never
• 11:48
  ignored
• 11:49
  his
• 11:49
  own
• 11:49
  needs.
• 11:50
  He
• 11:50
  rested,
• 11:51
  he
• 11:51
  withdrew.
• 11:52
  He
• 11:52
  told
• 11:53
  people
• 11:53
  no,
• 11:53
  he
• 11:54
  didn't
• 11:54
  manage
• 11:54
  other
• 11:55
  people's
• 11:55
  decisions.
• 11:55
  He
• 11:56
  invited,
• 11:56
  he
• 11:57
  did
• 11:57
  not
• 11:57
  control.
• 12:01
  He
• 12:01
  invited,
• 12:02
  he
• 12:03
  did
• 12:03
  not
• 12:03
  control,
• 12:04
  and
• 12:04
  I
• 12:04
  feel
• 12:04
  the
• 12:04
  Holy
• 12:05
  Spirit
• 12:05
  goosebumps
• 12:06
  right
• 12:06
  now.
• 12:08
  Because
• 12:09
  when
• 12:09
  we
• 12:10
  abandon
• 12:11
  ourselves,
• 12:13
  that
• 12:13
  is
• 12:13
  unholy,
• 12:14
  that
• 12:15
  is
• 12:15
  being
• 12:15
  controlled
• 12:16
  and,
• 12:16
  and,
• 12:16
  um,
• 12:17
  distracted
• 12:17
  from
• 12:18
  the
• 12:18
  will
• 12:18
  and
• 12:19
  testament
• 12:19
  that
• 12:19
  God
• 12:19
  has
• 12:20
  given
• 12:20
  us
• 12:20
  to
• 12:20
  do
• 12:21
  on
• 12:21
  this
• 12:21
  earth.
• 12:22
  How
• 12:23
  are
• 12:23
  you
• 12:23
  going
• 12:23
  to
• 12:24
  be
• 12:24
  able
• 12:25
  to
• 12:25
  actually
• 12:26
  sit
• 12:27
  with
• 12:27
  someone
• 12:27
  across
• 12:28
  from
• 12:28
  coffee
• 12:28
  and
• 12:29
  mentor
• 12:30
  them
• 12:30
  and
• 12:30
  disciple
• 12:31
  them
• 12:31
  if
• 12:32
  you
• 12:32
  are
• 12:32
  more
• 12:32
  worried
• 12:33
  about
• 12:33
  what
• 12:33
  your
• 12:33
  mom
• 12:33
  and
• 12:33
  dad
• 12:34
  think
• 12:34
  of
• 12:34
  you,
• 12:35
  or
• 12:35
  if
• 12:36
  you're
• 12:36
  more
• 12:36
  worried
• 12:36
  about
• 12:36
  what
• 12:37
  your
• 12:37
  husband
• 12:37
  is
• 12:37
  not
• 12:38
  doing
• 12:38
  or
• 12:38
  is
• 12:38
  doing
• 12:39
  behind
• 12:39
  the
• 12:39
  scenes
• 12:41
  and
• 12:41
  you're
• 12:41
  more
• 12:42
  worried
• 12:42
  and
• 12:42
  distracted
• 12:43
  about
• 12:43
  the
• 12:43
  secrets
• 12:43
  that
• 12:44
  you're
• 12:44
  trying
• 12:44
  to
• 12:44
  keep.
• 12:47
  So
• 12:47
  codependency
• 12:48
  isn't
• 12:48
  a
• 12:48
  habit.
• 12:49
  I
• 12:49
  mean,
• 12:49
  it
• 12:49
  can
• 12:49
  be.
• 12:51
  But
• 12:51
  it's
• 12:51
  an
• 12:51
  identity
• 12:51
  crisis
• 12:53
  and
• 12:53
  inside
• 12:53
  the
• 12:53
  wilderness
• 12:54
  of
• 12:54
  wellness,
• 12:54
  the
• 12:54
  literally
• 12:55
  the
• 12:55
  first
• 12:56
  thing
• 12:57
  you
• 12:57
  do
• 12:57
  inside
• 12:57
  my
• 12:58
  wilderness
• 12:58
  of
• 12:58
  wellness.
• 12:59
  Other
• 12:59
  than
• 12:59
  the
• 12:59
  roadmap
• 12:59
  to
• 13:00
  health,
• 13:00
  there
• 13:00
  is
• 13:00
  a
• 13:00
  success
• 13:01
  path.
• 13:02
  And
• 13:02
  in
• 13:02
  this
• 13:02
  success
• 13:03
  path,
• 13:03
  the
• 13:04
  first
• 13:04
  lesson
• 13:05
  in
• 13:05
  there
• 13:06
  is
• 13:06
  an
• 13:06
  identity
• 13:07
  lesson
• 13:08
  because
• 13:08
  most
• 13:08
  of
• 13:08
  us
• 13:09
  have
• 13:09
  an
• 13:09
  identity
• 13:09
  crisis.
• 13:11
  When
• 13:11
  it
• 13:11
  comes
• 13:12
  to
• 13:12
  who
• 13:13
  we
• 13:13
  are,
• 13:14
  especially
• 13:14
  when
• 13:15
  we
• 13:15
  hit
• 13:15
  25,
• 13:16
  when
• 13:16
  we
• 13:16
  hit
• 13:16
  30,
• 13:17
  when
• 13:17
  we
• 13:17
  hit
• 13:17
  40,
• 13:18
  when
• 13:18
  we
• 13:18
  hit
• 13:18
  50,
• 13:19
  we're
• 13:19
  dealing
• 13:19
  with
• 13:19
  identity
• 13:20
  crisis,
• 13:21
  crises,
• 13:21
  crises.
• 13:23
  When
• 13:23
  you're
• 13:23
  codependent,
• 13:24
  your
• 13:24
  sense
• 13:24
  of
• 13:24
  self
• 13:25
  disappears.
• 13:26
  You
• 13:26
  don't
• 13:27
  know
• 13:27
  what
• 13:27
  you
• 13:28
  want
• 13:28
  anymore.
• 13:28
  Have
• 13:28
  you
• 13:28
  ever
• 13:28
  said
• 13:29
  that?
• 13:30
  Have
• 13:31
  you
• 13:31
  ever
• 13:31
  said
• 13:31
  to
• 13:31
  your
• 13:31
  spouse
• 13:32
  or
• 13:32
  your
• 13:32
  friends,
• 13:32
  I
• 13:33
  just
• 13:33
  don't
• 13:33
  know
• 13:33
  what
• 13:33
  I
• 13:33
  want
• 13:34
  anymore,
• 13:34
  or,
• 13:34
  I
• 13:34
  don't
• 13:34
  know
• 13:35
  what
• 13:35
  you
• 13:35
  want
• 13:36
  anymore?
• 13:39
  Maybe
• 13:39
  you
• 13:39
  have
• 13:40
  unclear
• 13:40
  opinions
• 13:41
  now
• 13:42
  you
• 13:42
  don't
• 13:43
  even
• 13:43
  know
• 13:43
  what
• 13:43
  you
• 13:43
  believe.
• 13:44
  You're
• 13:44
  just
• 13:44
  taking
• 13:45
  the
• 13:45
  belief
• 13:45
  systems
• 13:46
  of
• 13:46
  everyone
• 13:46
  else
• 13:46
  around
• 13:46
  you
• 13:47
  and
• 13:47
  that
• 13:47
  may
• 13:48
  not
• 13:48
  even
• 13:48
  represent
• 13:49
  who
• 13:49
  you
• 13:49
  are,
• 13:50
  and
• 13:50
  we
• 13:50
  cannot
• 13:50
  afford
• 13:51
  that.
• 13:51
  As
• 13:51
  women
• 13:52
  followers
• 13:52
  of
• 13:53
  Jesus,
• 13:53
  we
• 13:53
  cannot
• 13:53
  afford
• 13:54
  that.
• 13:55
  Yeah,
• 13:55
  maybe
• 13:56
  you
• 13:56
  feel
• 13:56
  guilty
• 13:57
  or
• 13:57
  anxious
• 13:58
  when
• 13:59
  you
• 13:59
  take
• 13:59
  time
• 13:59
  for
• 13:59
  yourself.
• 14:00
  My
• 14:00
  husband
• 14:01
  called
• 14:01
  me
• 14:01
  out
• 14:01
  on
• 14:01
  this
• 14:01
  a
• 14:02
  couple
• 14:02
  weeks
• 14:02
  ago
• 14:03
  and
• 14:03
  he
• 14:03
  was
• 14:04
  like,
• 14:04
  he
• 14:04
  looked
• 14:04
  at
• 14:04
  me
• 14:05
  and
• 14:05
  it
• 14:05
  was
• 14:05
  a
• 14:05
  Saturday
• 14:06
  and
• 14:06
  he
• 14:06
  was
• 14:06
  like,
• 14:07
  what
• 14:07
  are
• 14:07
  you
• 14:07
  gonna
• 14:07
  do
• 14:07
  today?
• 14:08
  And
• 14:08
  I
• 14:08
  said,
• 14:08
  I
• 14:08
  don't
• 14:08
  know,
• 14:09
  I
• 14:09
  should,
• 14:09
  here
• 14:09
  goes
• 14:10
  the
• 14:10
  shoulds.
• 14:10
  I
• 14:11
  should
• 14:11
  probably
• 14:11
  go
• 14:11
  and
• 14:12
  do
• 14:12
  X,
• 14:12
  Y,
• 14:12
  and
• 14:12
  Z
• 14:12
  for
• 14:13
  work
• 14:13
  and
• 14:13
  whatever.
• 14:14
  And
• 14:14
  he
• 14:14
  looked
• 14:14
  at
• 14:14
  me,
• 14:14
  he
• 14:14
  is
• 14:14
  like,
• 14:14
  when's
• 14:14
  the
• 14:15
  last
• 14:15
  time
• 14:15
  you,
• 14:16
  uh,
• 14:16
  took
• 14:16
  care
• 14:16
  of
• 14:16
  for,
• 14:17
  took
• 14:17
  care
• 14:17
  of
• 14:17
  yourself?
• 14:17
  And
• 14:18
  I'm
• 14:18
  like,
• 14:18
  well,
• 14:18
  I've
• 14:18
  worked
• 14:18
  out
• 14:18
  four
• 14:18
  days
• 14:19
  this
• 14:19
  week.
• 14:19
  And
• 14:19
  he's
• 14:19
  like,
• 14:19
  no,
• 14:19
  no,
• 14:19
  no.
• 14:20
  When
• 14:20
  is
• 14:20
  the
• 14:21
  last
• 14:21
  time
• 14:21
  that
• 14:21
  you
• 14:21
  got
• 14:21
  away
• 14:22
  and
• 14:22
  did
• 14:22
  something
• 14:22
  just
• 14:23
  for
• 14:23
  yourself?
• 14:24
  So
• 14:24
  I
• 14:24
  went
• 14:24
  and
• 14:25
  took.
• 14:25
  A
• 14:26
  nine
• 14:27
  mile
• 14:27
  hike
• 14:28
  and
• 14:29
  my
• 14:29
  mind
• 14:29
  was
• 14:30
  cleared.
• 14:30
  I
• 14:30
  was
• 14:30
  giggling,
• 14:31
  I
• 14:31
  was
• 14:31
  laughing,
• 14:31
  I
• 14:32
  cried.
• 14:33
  Um,
• 14:33
  I
• 14:33
  sobbed
• 14:34
  because
• 14:35
  I
• 14:35
  knew
• 14:35
  that
• 14:35
  I
• 14:35
  had
• 14:35
  to
• 14:35
  let
• 14:36
  go
• 14:36
  of
• 14:36
  some
• 14:36
  things
• 14:36
  and
• 14:36
  I
• 14:37
  left
• 14:37
  some
• 14:37
  things
• 14:37
  out
• 14:37
  there.
• 14:38
  I
• 14:38
  left
• 14:39
  some
• 14:39
  things
• 14:39
  on
• 14:39
  that
• 14:39
  trail
• 14:40
  and
• 14:41
  I'm
• 14:41
  just
• 14:41
  so
• 14:41
  grateful
• 14:42
  I
• 14:42
  got
• 14:42
  that
• 14:42
  opportunity.
• 14:43
  But
• 14:44
  I
• 14:44
  innately
• 14:45
  find,
• 14:45
  feel
• 14:45
  guilty
• 14:46
  or
• 14:46
  anxious
• 14:47
  when
• 14:47
  I
• 14:47
  take
• 14:47
  time
• 14:47
  for
• 14:47
  myself.
• 14:48
  And
• 14:48
  there
• 14:49
  was
• 14:49
  a
• 14:49
  time,
• 14:49
  and
• 14:49
  I
• 14:49
  don't
• 14:50
  think
• 14:50
  my
• 14:50
  parents
• 14:50
  did
• 14:50
  this
• 14:50
  on
• 14:51
  purpose,
• 14:51
  but
• 14:52
  um,
• 14:52
  there
• 14:52
  was
• 14:52
  a
• 14:52
  time
• 14:52
  I
• 14:52
  used
• 14:52
  to
• 14:53
  hide
• 14:53
  in
• 14:53
  closets
• 14:53
  and
• 14:54
  read.
• 14:54
  Because
• 14:55
  I
• 14:55
  wanted
• 14:55
  time
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  myself
• 14:56
  and
• 14:56
  I
• 14:56
  just
• 14:57
  wanted
• 14:57
  to
• 14:57
  be
• 14:57
  alone.
• 14:58
  I
• 14:58
  needed
• 14:58
  to
• 14:58
  be
• 14:59
  alone
• 14:59
  and
• 14:59
  I
• 14:59
  needed
• 14:59
  to
• 14:59
  escape.
• 15:00
  And
• 15:01
  um,
• 15:01
  I
• 15:01
  got
• 15:01
  in
• 15:01
  trouble
• 15:01
  for
• 15:02
  hiding
• 15:02
  and
• 15:02
  I'm
• 15:02
  sure
• 15:02
  I
• 15:02
  was
• 15:03
  supposed
• 15:03
  to
• 15:03
  be
• 15:03
  doing
• 15:03
  something
• 15:03
  else,
• 15:03
  whatever,
• 15:04
  but
• 15:05
  that,
• 15:06
  it
• 15:06
  makes
• 15:06
  me
• 15:06
  feel
• 15:06
  guilty.
• 15:07
  I've
• 15:07
  been
• 15:07
  called
• 15:08
  lazy
• 15:08
  most
• 15:09
  of
• 15:09
  my
• 15:09
  life
• 15:09
  and
• 15:10
  my
• 15:10
  husband
• 15:10
  laughs.
• 15:11
  He
• 15:11
  is
• 15:11
  like,
• 15:11
  you're
• 15:11
  lazy.
• 15:11
  But
• 15:11
  he
• 15:11
  is
• 15:11
  like,
• 15:12
  you're
• 15:12
  not
• 15:12
  lazy
• 15:12
  when
• 15:12
  it
• 15:12
  comes
• 15:13
  to
• 15:13
  work,
• 15:13
  when
• 15:14
  you
• 15:14
  come,
• 15:14
  when
• 15:14
  it
• 15:14
  comes
• 15:14
  to
• 15:14
  your
• 15:15
  kids,
• 15:15
  when
• 15:15
  it
• 15:15
  comes
• 15:15
  to
• 15:15
  serving
• 15:16
  Jesus.
• 15:17
  He's
• 15:17
  like,
• 15:17
  you're
• 15:17
  not
• 15:17
  lazy
• 15:18
  when
• 15:18
  it
• 15:18
  comes
• 15:18
  to
• 15:18
  taking
• 15:18
  care
• 15:19
  of
• 15:19
  yourself.
• 15:20
  He's
• 15:20
  like,
• 15:20
  you're
• 15:20
  lazy
• 15:20
  in
• 15:20
  some
• 15:21
  areas,
• 15:21
  but
• 15:21
  he's
• 15:21
  like
• 15:22
  the
• 15:22
  things
• 15:22
  that
• 15:22
  actually
• 15:22
  matter.
• 15:23
  You're
• 15:23
  not
• 15:24
  lazy.
• 15:24
  So
• 15:24
  I
• 15:24
  had
• 15:24
  this
• 15:24
  identity
• 15:25
  and
• 15:25
  this
• 15:25
  guilt
• 15:26
  that
• 15:26
  came
• 15:27
  that
• 15:27
  I'm
• 15:27
  a
• 15:27
  lazy
• 15:27
  person
• 15:28
  and
• 15:28
  I
• 15:29
  felt
• 15:29
  guilty
• 15:29
  anytime
• 15:30
  I
• 15:30
  would
• 15:30
  rest
• 15:31
  or
• 15:31
  take
• 15:31
  care
• 15:31
  of
• 15:31
  myself.
• 15:33
  And
• 15:33
  then,
• 15:33
  um,
• 15:34
  if
• 15:34
  you're
• 15:34
  codependent,
• 15:35
  you
• 15:35
  are,
• 15:36
  you
• 15:36
  can
• 15:36
  also
• 15:37
  shapeshift
• 15:38
  depending
• 15:38
  on
• 15:39
  who
• 15:39
  you're
• 15:39
  with.
• 15:39
  If
• 15:39
  you
• 15:39
  find
• 15:40
  yourself
• 15:41
  almost
• 15:41
  feeling
• 15:41
  empty
• 15:42
  because
• 15:42
  you
• 15:42
  take
• 15:43
  on
• 15:43
  and
• 15:44
  try
• 15:44
  to
• 15:44
  become
• 15:45
  like
• 15:45
  the
• 15:45
  people
• 15:46
  near
• 15:46
  you,
• 15:46
  that's
• 15:47
  another
• 15:47
  sign
• 15:47
  of,
• 15:48
  of
• 15:48
  codependency
• 15:49
  and
• 15:49
  how
• 15:50
  your
• 15:50
  sense
• 15:50
  of
• 15:50
  self
• 15:51
  is
• 15:51
  gone.
• 15:52
  And
• 15:52
  if
• 15:52
  you've
• 15:53
  built
• 15:53
  your
• 15:53
  life
• 15:53
  around
• 15:54
  managing
• 15:55
  people
• 15:55
  and
• 15:55
  managing
• 15:56
  your
• 15:56
  life
• 15:56
  and
• 15:56
  managing
• 15:57
  things
• 15:57
  you're
• 15:58
  not
• 15:58
  living,
• 15:59
  and
• 15:59
  I
• 15:59
  wanna
• 15:59
  say
• 15:59
  this
• 16:00
  clearly,
• 16:00
  you
• 16:00
  don't
• 16:00
  have
• 16:01
  to
• 16:01
  stay
• 16:01
  there.
• 16:02
  You
• 16:02
  don't
• 16:02
  have
• 16:03
  to
• 16:03
  stay
• 16:03
  there.
• 16:03
  Inside
• 16:04
  the
• 16:04
  wilderness
• 16:04
  of
• 16:04
  wellness,
• 16:04
  we
• 16:05
  see
• 16:05
  this
• 16:05
  all
• 16:05
  the
• 16:05
  time.
• 16:06
  Women
• 16:07
  who
• 16:07
  come
• 16:07
  in
• 16:07
  thinking
• 16:07
  they
• 16:07
  have
• 16:08
  a
• 16:08
  food
• 16:08
  issue,
• 16:09
  a
• 16:09
  hormone
• 16:09
  problem,
• 16:10
  fatigue
• 16:11
  and
• 16:11
  stress
• 16:11
  spiral.
• 16:12
  But
• 16:12
  underneath
• 16:13
  it
• 16:13
  all,
• 16:14
  underneath
• 16:14
  all
• 16:15
  of
• 16:15
  this,
• 16:15
  honestly,
• 16:16
  I
• 16:16
  think
• 16:16
  almost
• 16:16
  everybody,
• 16:16
  I
• 16:17
  can't
• 16:17
  think
• 16:17
  of
• 16:17
  one
• 16:17
  single
• 16:18
  person
• 16:18
  that
• 16:18
  came
• 16:18
  to
• 16:18
  me
• 16:18
  for
• 16:19
  weight
• 16:19
  loss
• 16:19
  support
• 16:19
  and
• 16:20
  this
• 16:20
  didn't
• 16:21
  happen.
• 16:22
  Something
• 16:23
  that
• 16:23
  they
• 16:23
  said
• 16:24
  is,
• 16:24
  is
• 16:24
  along
• 16:24
  these
• 16:25
  lines.
• 16:26
  I've
• 16:26
  spent
• 16:26
  my
• 16:26
  whole
• 16:27
  life
• 16:27
  making
• 16:27
  sure
• 16:28
  everyone
• 16:28
  else
• 16:28
  is
• 16:28
  okay,
• 16:29
  and
• 16:30
  now
• 16:30
  I'm
• 16:31
  not.
• 16:32
  I
• 16:32
  have
• 16:32
  a
• 16:32
  gal
• 16:32
  driving
• 16:33
  to
• 16:33
  me
• 16:33
  from
• 16:33
  Michigan.
• 16:34
  She's
• 16:34
  coming
• 16:34
  to
• 16:34
  see
• 16:35
  me
• 16:35
  from
• 16:35
  Michigan
• 16:36
  four
• 16:36
  hours
• 16:36
  each
• 16:36
  way.
• 16:36
  And
• 16:37
  you
• 16:37
  know
• 16:37
  why?
• 16:38
  Because
• 16:38
  she
• 16:39
  has
• 16:39
  spent
• 16:39
  her
• 16:40
  whole
• 16:40
  life
• 16:40
  making
• 16:41
  sure
• 16:42
  everyone
• 16:42
  else
• 16:42
  was
• 16:42
  okay.
• 16:44
  And
• 16:44
  now
• 16:44
  she's
• 16:45
  not.
• 16:46
  And
• 16:47
  I'm,
• 16:47
  and
• 16:47
  my
• 16:47
  friend,
• 16:47
  this
• 16:48
  is
• 16:48
  not
• 16:49
  health.
• 16:50
  This
• 16:50
  is
• 16:50
  not
• 16:51
  a
• 16:51
  good
• 16:51
  person.
• 16:52
  You're
• 16:52
  not
• 16:52
  a
• 16:52
  good
• 16:52
  person
• 16:53
  because
• 16:54
  you
• 16:54
  do
• 16:54
  this
• 16:55
  and
• 16:55
  you
• 16:55
  behave
• 16:55
  like
• 16:56
  this.
• 16:57
  You're
• 16:57
  not
• 16:57
  a
• 16:57
  good
• 16:57
  person,
• 16:59
  a
• 16:59
  good
• 17:00
  a,
• 17:00
  a,
• 17:00
  a
• 17:00
  great
• 17:01
  follower
• 17:01
  of
• 17:01
  Jesus
• 17:03
  because
• 17:03
  you
• 17:03
  behave
• 17:04
  this
• 17:04
  way.
• 17:05
  You
• 17:05
  know
• 17:05
  what
• 17:05
  this
• 17:06
  is?
• 17:06
  It's
• 17:07
  bondage.
• 17:08
  It's
• 17:09
  bondage.
• 17:10
  And
• 17:10
  I've
• 17:10
  seen
• 17:11
  codependency
• 17:12
  sneak
• 17:12
  up
• 17:12
  too,
• 17:13
  is
• 17:13
  that
• 17:14
  people
• 17:14
  think
• 17:14
  that
• 17:14
  they
• 17:14
  have.
• 17:16
  So
• 17:16
  much
• 17:16
  access
• 17:17
  to
• 17:17
  me
• 17:18
  that
• 17:18
  when
• 17:19
  I
• 17:19
  didn't
• 17:19
  give
• 17:19
  them
• 17:19
  access,
• 17:21
  they
• 17:21
  threw
• 17:21
  a
• 17:21
  fit.
• 17:23
  They
• 17:23
  threw
• 17:23
  a
• 17:23
  fit
• 17:24
  when
• 17:24
  they
• 17:24
  did
• 17:24
  not
• 17:25
  get
• 17:25
  as
• 17:25
  much
• 17:26
  access
• 17:26
  as
• 17:26
  they
• 17:26
  wanted
• 17:27
  from
• 17:27
  me.
• 17:28
  And
• 17:29
  that
• 17:29
  is
• 17:29
  a
• 17:29
  boundary
• 17:30
  issue.
• 17:31
  Most
• 17:31
  people,
• 17:31
  I,
• 17:31
  I
• 17:32
  included
• 17:32
  guys
• 17:32
  like
• 17:33
  I'm
• 17:33
  in,
• 17:33
  so
• 17:33
  how
• 17:33
  to,
• 17:34
  it
• 17:34
  takes
• 17:34
  one
• 17:34
  to
• 17:34
  know
• 17:34
  one,
• 17:35
  right?
• 17:35
  So
• 17:36
  when
• 17:36
  I
• 17:37
  was
• 17:37
  struggling
• 17:38
  with
• 17:38
  codependency
• 17:39
  before
• 17:39
  I
• 17:39
  even
• 17:39
  knew
• 17:39
  what
• 17:39
  it
• 17:39
  was,
• 17:41
  I
• 17:41
  was
• 17:41
  struggling
• 17:42
  that
• 17:42
  I
• 17:42
  didn't
• 17:43
  have
• 17:43
  access
• 17:43
  to
• 17:43
  people.
• 17:44
  Once
• 17:44
  I
• 17:44
  had
• 17:44
  access
• 17:44
  to
• 17:45
  them,
• 17:45
  I
• 17:45
  was
• 17:45
  like,
• 17:45
  okay,
• 17:45
  cool.
• 17:46
  I
• 17:46
  feel
• 17:46
  safe,
• 17:47
  I
• 17:47
  know
• 17:47
  what
• 17:47
  to
• 17:47
  do.
• 17:48
  But
• 17:48
  then.
• 17:49
  When
• 17:49
  they
• 17:49
  would
• 17:49
  be
• 17:49
  busy.
• 17:50
  It
• 17:50
  was
• 17:50
  hard.
• 17:51
  It
• 17:51
  was
• 17:52
  hard
• 17:52
  to
• 17:52
  understand,
• 17:53
  like,
• 17:53
  why
• 17:54
  don't
• 17:54
  I
• 17:54
  have
• 17:54
  access
• 17:54
  to
• 17:54
  them
• 17:55
  anymore?
• 17:56
  And
• 17:56
  the
• 17:56
  thing
• 17:56
  is,
• 17:56
  it's
• 17:57
  not
• 17:57
  that
• 17:57
  I
• 17:57
  didn't
• 17:57
  have
• 17:57
  access.
• 17:58
  They
• 17:58
  had
• 17:58
  a
• 17:58
  life
• 17:59
  to
• 17:59
  live.
• 17:59
  I
• 18:00
  have
• 18:00
  a
• 18:00
  life
• 18:00
  to
• 18:00
  live.
• 18:01
  And
• 18:01
  I
• 18:02
  think
• 18:02
  that
• 18:02
  that
• 18:02
  is
• 18:02
  something
• 18:03
  that
• 18:03
  we
• 18:03
  do.
• 18:03
  And
• 18:04
  I
• 18:04
  don't
• 18:04
  know,
• 18:04
  maybe
• 18:04
  that's
• 18:04
  in
• 18:04
  something
• 18:05
  else
• 18:05
  with
• 18:05
  you,
• 18:05
  maybe
• 18:06
  that
• 18:06
  resonates
• 18:06
  with
• 18:06
  you,
• 18:06
  but
• 18:07
  it's
• 18:08
  like
• 18:08
  this
• 18:09
  is
• 18:09
  bondage
• 18:10
  and
• 18:10
  it
• 18:10
  is
• 18:10
  distraction
• 18:10
  from
• 18:11
  what
• 18:11
  we
• 18:11
  are
• 18:11
  meant
• 18:11
  to
• 18:11
  be
• 18:12
  doing.
• 18:13
  So
• 18:13
  here's
• 18:14
  where
• 18:14
  we
• 18:14
  move
• 18:14
  from
• 18:14
  awareness.
• 18:15
  Like
• 18:16
  this
• 18:16
  is
• 18:16
  awareness.
• 18:17
  I'm
• 18:17
  teaching
• 18:17
  you
• 18:17
  what
• 18:17
  this
• 18:18
  is
• 18:18
  to
• 18:19
  action.
• 18:20
  And
• 18:20
  if
• 18:20
  any
• 18:20
  of
• 18:20
  this
• 18:21
  is
• 18:21
  resonating
• 18:21
  with
• 18:21
  you,
• 18:22
  I
• 18:22
  want
• 18:22
  you
• 18:22
  to
• 18:22
  take
• 18:22
  these
• 18:22
  two
• 18:23
  steps
• 18:23
  starting
• 18:23
  today.
• 18:24
  Okay?
• 18:25
  Step
• 18:25
  one,
• 18:26
  I
• 18:26
  want
• 18:26
  you
• 18:26
  to
• 18:26
  start
• 18:27
  noticing
• 18:27
  where
• 18:27
  you
• 18:27
  abandon
• 18:28
  yourself.
• 18:29
  Grab
• 18:29
  a
• 18:29
  notebook
• 18:30
  or
• 18:30
  open
• 18:30
  your
• 18:30
  phone's
• 18:31
  notes
• 18:31
  or
• 18:31
  something
• 18:31
  like
• 18:32
  that.
• 18:32
  And
• 18:32
  I
• 18:32
  forget
• 18:32
  the
• 18:32
  name.
• 18:33
  There's
• 18:33
  a
• 18:33
  journal
• 18:33
  that
• 18:34
  you
• 18:34
  can
• 18:34
  download.
• 18:34
  It's
• 18:35
  free
• 18:35
  on
• 18:36
  the
• 18:36
  app
• 18:36
  store
• 18:36
  or
• 18:37
  Google
• 18:37
  Play
• 18:37
  store,
• 18:38
  whatever
• 18:38
  it's
• 18:38
  called.
• 18:39
  Um.
• 18:39
  It's
• 18:40
  free,
• 18:40
  but
• 18:40
  it
• 18:40
  actually
• 18:41
  is
• 18:41
  password
• 18:41
  protected
• 18:42
  and
• 18:42
  I
• 18:42
  forget
• 18:42
  what
• 18:42
  that's
• 18:42
  called,
• 18:43
  but
• 18:43
  you
• 18:43
  can
• 18:43
  just
• 18:43
  grab
• 18:43
  a
• 18:43
  notebook,
• 18:44
  um,
• 18:44
  or,
• 18:45
  uh,
• 18:45
  your
• 18:45
  notes
• 18:46
  app,
• 18:46
  whatever.
• 18:47
  And
• 18:47
  for
• 18:47
  the
• 18:47
  next
• 18:47
  three
• 18:48
  days,
• 18:48
  I
• 18:48
  want
• 18:48
  you
• 18:48
  to
• 18:48
  track
• 18:49
  moments
• 18:49
  when
• 18:50
  you,
• 18:50
  when
• 18:51
  any
• 18:51
  of
• 18:51
  these
• 18:51
  moments
• 18:51
  like
• 18:52
  come
• 18:52
  up,
• 18:53
  when
• 18:53
  you
• 18:53
  say
• 18:53
  yes,
• 18:54
  when
• 18:54
  you
• 18:54
  meant
• 18:54
  to
• 18:54
  say
• 18:55
  no.
• 18:56
  When
• 18:56
  you
• 18:56
  obsess
• 18:57
  over
• 18:57
  someone
• 18:57
  else's
• 18:58
  reaction,
• 18:58
  when
• 18:59
  you
• 18:59
  hold
• 19:00
  back
• 19:00
  your
• 19:00
  opinion
• 19:01
  to
• 19:01
  keep
• 19:01
  the
• 19:01
  peace
• 19:02
  or
• 19:03
  when
• 19:03
  you
• 19:03
  neglect
• 19:03
  your
• 19:03
  needs,
• 19:04
  even
• 19:04
  basic
• 19:04
  ones
• 19:04
  like
• 19:04
  food
• 19:05
  or
• 19:05
  rest
• 19:06
  to
• 19:06
  help
• 19:06
  someone
• 19:06
  else.
• 19:08
  Maybe
• 19:08
  you
• 19:08
  abandon
• 19:09
  time
• 19:09
  with
• 19:09
  your
• 19:10
  kids
• 19:10
  because
• 19:10
  you
• 19:11
  are
• 19:11
  gonna
• 19:11
  help
• 19:11
  someone
• 19:11
  else.
• 19:12
  Maybe
• 19:13
  you
• 19:13
  don't
• 19:13
  shave
• 19:13
  your
• 19:13
  legs
• 19:14
  because
• 19:14
  you
• 19:14
  need
• 19:15
  to
• 19:15
  hurry
• 19:15
  up
• 19:15
  and
• 19:15
  go
• 19:16
  do
• 19:16
  X,
• 19:16
  Y,
• 19:16
  and
• 19:16
  z.
• 19:18
  We
• 19:18
  can't
• 19:18
  heal
• 19:19
  what
• 19:19
  we
• 19:19
  don't
• 19:20
  name.
• 19:21
  And
• 19:21
  this
• 19:21
  is
• 19:21
  all
• 19:21
  about
• 19:22
  building
• 19:22
  awareness.
• 19:22
  So
• 19:23
  that's
• 19:23
  step
• 19:23
  one,
• 19:24
  is
• 19:24
  to
• 19:24
  write
• 19:24
  down
• 19:25
  these
• 19:25
  things
• 19:26
  that
• 19:26
  you
• 19:26
  notice
• 19:26
  for
• 19:26
  the
• 19:27
  next
• 19:27
  three
• 19:27
  days.
• 19:27
  So
• 19:27
  then
• 19:27
  step
• 19:28
  two
• 19:28
  is
• 19:28
  to
• 19:28
  begin
• 19:29
  practicing
• 19:29
  healthy
• 19:30
  detachment.
• 19:31
  This
• 19:31
  doesn't
• 19:31
  mean
• 19:31
  you
• 19:31
  stop
• 19:32
  loving
• 19:32
  people
• 19:32
  by
• 19:33
  any
• 19:33
  means.
• 19:34
  Don't
• 19:34
  stop
• 19:34
  loving
• 19:35
  people.
• 19:36
  But
• 19:36
  it
• 19:36
  does
• 19:36
  mean
• 19:36
  that
• 19:36
  you
• 19:36
  stop
• 19:37
  managing
• 19:37
  their
• 19:38
  emotions
• 19:38
  or
• 19:39
  their
• 19:39
  outcomes.
• 19:40
  I
• 19:40
  cannot
• 19:40
  control
• 19:42
  what
• 19:42
  people
• 19:42
  think
• 19:42
  of
• 19:42
  me.
• 19:43
  I
• 19:43
  cannot
• 19:44
  control
• 19:44
  the
• 19:45
  opinions
• 19:45
  that
• 19:45
  people
• 19:46
  have
• 19:46
  of
• 19:46
  me
• 19:47
  or
• 19:47
  what
• 19:47
  they
• 19:48
  think
• 19:48
  that
• 19:48
  my
• 19:48
  motivations
• 19:49
  are.
• 19:50
  But
• 19:50
  you
• 19:50
  know
• 19:50
  what
• 19:50
  I
• 19:50
  can
• 19:50
  do?
• 19:51
  I
• 19:52
  can
• 19:52
  control
• 19:52
  myself.
• 19:53
  I
• 19:53
  can
• 19:53
  control
• 19:53
  what
• 19:53
  goes
• 19:54
  in
• 19:54
  me.
• 19:54
  I
• 19:54
  can
• 19:54
  control
• 19:55
  what
• 19:55
  I
• 19:56
  put
• 19:56
  in
• 19:56
  my
• 19:56
  eyes,
• 19:56
  ears,
• 19:57
  nose,
• 19:57
  mouth,
• 19:57
  hand,
• 19:58
  like
• 19:58
  what
• 19:58
  I
• 19:58
  touch.
• 19:59
  I
• 19:59
  can
• 20:00
  control
• 20:00
  my
• 20:00
  relationship
• 20:01
  like
• 20:02
  diving
• 20:02
  deep
• 20:02
  with
• 20:03
  Jesus.
• 20:03
  I
• 20:03
  can
• 20:04
  control
• 20:04
  my
• 20:04
  reactions.
• 20:06
  And
• 20:06
  I
• 20:06
  can
• 20:07
  control
• 20:07
  what
• 20:07
  is
• 20:08
  in
• 20:08
  my
• 20:08
  realm.
• 20:09
  There
• 20:09
  are
• 20:09
  a
• 20:09
  lot
• 20:09
  of
• 20:10
  things
• 20:10
  I
• 20:10
  can't
• 20:10
  control.
• 20:12
  A
• 20:12
  great
• 20:12
  tool
• 20:12
  from
• 20:13
  Melody
• 20:13
  Beatty.
• 20:14
  Melody
• 20:14
  Beatty,
• 20:14
  B-E-A-T-T-I-E.
• 20:16
  I
• 20:16
  will
• 20:16
  put
• 20:17
  this
• 20:17
  in
• 20:17
  the
• 20:17
  show
• 20:17
  notes,
• 20:18
  the
• 20:18
  link
• 20:18
  to
• 20:18
  it.
• 20:18
  I'm
• 20:18
  gonna
• 20:18
  write
• 20:19
  that
• 20:19
  down
• 20:19
  so
• 20:19
  I
• 20:19
  don't
• 20:19
  forget.
• 20:21
  Um,
• 20:22
  but
• 20:22
  she
• 20:23
  has
• 20:23
  a
• 20:23
  book
• 20:23
  called
• 20:24
  Codependent
• 20:24
  No
• 20:24
  More.
• 20:25
  It
• 20:25
  is,
• 20:26
  it
• 20:26
  took
• 20:26
  me
• 20:26
  a
• 20:26
  while
• 20:27
  to
• 20:27
  get
• 20:27
  through
• 20:27
  it
• 20:27
  and
• 20:27
  I'm
• 20:28
  a
• 20:28
  fast
• 20:28
  reader.
• 20:29
  It
• 20:29
  took
• 20:29
  me
• 20:29
  a
• 20:29
  while
• 20:30
  to
• 20:30
  get
• 20:30
  through
• 20:30
  it
• 20:30
  because
• 20:30
  I
• 20:30
  was
• 20:31
  like,
• 20:31
  oh
• 20:32
  no,
• 20:32
  she
• 20:33
  is
• 20:33
  like
• 20:33
  literally
• 20:34
  peeling
• 20:34
  me
• 20:35
  apart,
• 20:35
  and
• 20:36
  so
• 20:36
  she
• 20:36
  says
• 20:37
  It
• 20:37
  didn't.
• 20:38
  I
• 20:38
  didn't
• 20:38
  cause
• 20:39
  it.
• 20:39
  I
• 20:39
  can't
• 20:40
  control
• 20:40
  it
• 20:40
  and
• 20:41
  I
• 20:41
  can't
• 20:41
  cure
• 20:42
  it.
• 20:42
  This
• 20:42
  is
• 20:43
  true
• 20:43
  for
• 20:43
  your
• 20:43
  spouse,
• 20:44
  your
• 20:44
  child,
• 20:44
  your
• 20:44
  adult
• 20:45
  siblings,
• 20:45
  your
• 20:45
  boss,
• 20:46
  your
• 20:46
  parents,
• 20:47
  your
• 20:47
  friend.
• 20:47
  You
• 20:48
  can
• 20:48
  love
• 20:49
  people
• 20:49
  without
• 20:49
  owning
• 20:50
  their
• 20:50
  lives.
• 20:51
  They
• 20:52
  are
• 20:52
  making
• 20:52
  decisions
• 20:53
  for
• 20:53
  their
• 20:54
  lives.
• 20:54
  We
• 20:55
  are
• 20:55
  making
• 20:55
  decisions
• 20:56
  for
• 20:56
  our
• 20:56
  lives
• 20:57
  if
• 20:57
  they
• 20:57
  choose
• 20:58
  to
• 20:58
  live
• 20:58
  a
• 20:58
  life
• 20:59
  and,
• 20:59
  and
• 20:59
  it's.
• 21:00
  Unfulfilling
• 21:01
  and
• 21:02
  it's
• 21:02
  like,
• 21:02
  you
• 21:02
  know,
• 21:02
  whatever
• 21:03
  that
• 21:03
  is
• 21:03
  on
• 21:03
  them.
• 21:04
  It
• 21:04
  is
• 21:04
  not
• 21:05
  our,
• 21:05
  it's
• 21:05
  not
• 21:06
  our
• 21:06
  job
• 21:06
  to
• 21:06
  come
• 21:06
  in
• 21:06
  and
• 21:07
  rescue
• 21:07
  people.
• 21:08
  Now,
• 21:08
  our
• 21:08
  children,
• 21:09
  yes,
• 21:10
  but
• 21:10
  we
• 21:10
  have
• 21:10
  to
• 21:10
  start
• 21:10
  teach,
• 21:11
  we
• 21:11
  have
• 21:11
  to
• 21:11
  teach
• 21:11
  them
• 21:11
  depending
• 21:11
  on
• 21:12
  the
• 21:12
  age,
• 21:12
  right?
• 21:12
  We
• 21:13
  have
• 21:13
  to
• 21:13
  teach
• 21:13
  them
• 21:14
  how
• 21:14
  to
• 21:14
  do
• 21:14
  this.
• 21:14
  I
• 21:14
  had
• 21:15
  a
• 21:15
  conversation
• 21:15
  with
• 21:15
  my
• 21:15
  son,
• 21:16
  um,
• 21:16
  mult
• 21:17
  many
• 21:17
  years
• 21:18
  back.
• 21:18
  He
• 21:19
  came
• 21:19
  to
• 21:19
  me
• 21:19
  crying
• 21:21
  and
• 21:21
  he
• 21:21
  was
• 21:21
  like,
• 21:21
  mom.
• 21:22
  He's
• 21:23
  like,
• 21:23
  I
• 21:23
  don't
• 21:23
  know
• 21:23
  what
• 21:23
  I'm
• 21:23
  feeling
• 21:24
  right
• 21:24
  now,
• 21:25
  but
• 21:25
  I
• 21:25
  feel
• 21:25
  like
• 21:26
  I
• 21:26
  need
• 21:27
  to.
• 21:28
  Go
• 21:28
  and
• 21:28
  hang
• 21:29
  out
• 21:29
  with
• 21:29
  this
• 21:29
  kid
• 21:30
  because
• 21:30
  his
• 21:31
  grandma
• 21:31
  is
• 21:31
  struggling.
• 21:32
  She's
• 21:32
  sick
• 21:32
  mom,
• 21:33
  like
• 21:33
  she's
• 21:34
  sick
• 21:34
  and
• 21:34
  she
• 21:34
  just
• 21:34
  needs
• 21:35
  someone
• 21:35
  to,
• 21:35
  to
• 21:35
  help
• 21:36
  out
• 21:36
  with
• 21:36
  her
• 21:36
  grandson.
• 21:37
  And
• 21:37
  I
• 21:37
  said,
• 21:37
  buddy.
• 21:38
  I
• 21:39
  said,
• 21:39
  this
• 21:39
  is
• 21:40
  Grandma's
• 21:41
  responsibility,
• 21:41
  not
• 21:42
  yours.
• 21:43
  I
• 21:43
  said,
• 21:43
  you
• 21:43
  are.
• 21:43
  I
• 21:43
  forget
• 21:44
  how
• 21:44
  old
• 21:44
  he
• 21:44
  was,
• 21:44
  but
• 21:44
  it
• 21:45
  was,
• 21:45
  it
• 21:45
  was
• 21:45
  not
• 21:45
  even
• 21:46
  double
• 21:46
  digits.
• 21:47
  And
• 21:47
  I
• 21:47
  said,
• 21:48
  you,
• 21:49
  this
• 21:49
  is
• 21:49
  not
• 21:49
  your
• 21:50
  responsibility.
• 21:50
  I
• 21:50
  said,
• 21:51
  that
• 21:51
  feeling,
• 21:51
  you're
• 21:51
  feeling
• 21:52
  is
• 21:53
  a
• 21:53
  guilt
• 21:53
  and
• 21:53
  shame
• 21:54
  called
• 21:54
  codependency.
• 21:55
  And
• 21:56
  I
• 21:56
  said,
• 21:56
  over
• 21:56
  my
• 21:57
  dead
• 21:57
  body,
• 21:58
  will
• 21:58
  you
• 21:58
  become
• 21:58
  codependent?
• 22:00
  I
• 22:00
  said,
• 22:00
  because
• 22:00
  it
• 22:01
  ruins
• 22:01
  people's
• 22:02
  lives.
• 22:02
  I
• 22:02
  said,
• 22:03
  that's
• 22:03
  why
• 22:03
  I'm
• 22:03
  paying
• 22:04
  lots
• 22:04
  of
• 22:04
  money
• 22:04
  and
• 22:05
  doing
• 22:05
  lots
• 22:05
  of
• 22:05
  things
• 22:06
  with
• 22:06
  my
• 22:06
  own
• 22:06
  self-care
• 22:07
  because.
• 22:08
  I
• 22:09
  had
• 22:09
  to
• 22:09
  break
• 22:09
  that
• 22:09
  cycle
• 22:10
  too.
• 22:11
  And
• 22:11
  I
• 22:11
  said,
• 22:11
  so
• 22:12
  the
• 22:12
  next
• 22:12
  time
• 22:12
  you
• 22:12
  feel
• 22:12
  that
• 22:13
  way,
• 22:13
  I
• 22:13
  said,
• 22:13
  you
• 22:13
  just
• 22:13
  need
• 22:14
  to
• 22:14
  ask
• 22:14
  yourself,
• 22:15
  did
• 22:16
  I
• 22:16
  cause
• 22:16
  this?
• 22:17
  Can
• 22:18
  I
• 22:18
  control
• 22:18
  this?
• 22:19
  Can
• 22:20
  I
• 22:20
  cure
• 22:20
  it?
• 22:21
  And
• 22:21
  the
• 22:21
  answer
• 22:21
  is
• 22:21
  no.
• 22:22
  What
• 22:22
  you
• 22:22
  can
• 22:23
  do,
• 22:23
  we
• 22:23
  sat
• 22:23
  there
• 22:24
  and
• 22:24
  prayed.
• 22:24
  We
• 22:24
  prayed
• 22:25
  over
• 22:25
  that
• 22:25
  child
• 22:25
  and
• 22:26
  that
• 22:26
  grandmother.
• 22:27
  And
• 22:27
  so
• 22:28
  I
• 22:28
  think
• 22:28
  that
• 22:29
  we
• 22:29
  have
• 22:29
  to
• 22:30
  be
• 22:30
  paying
• 22:30
  attention
• 22:31
  to
• 22:31
  this
• 22:32
  and
• 22:32
  ask
• 22:32
  ourselves,
• 22:33
  is
• 22:33
  this
• 22:33
  mine
• 22:33
  to
• 22:34
  carry?
• 22:34
  Is
• 22:34
  this
• 22:34
  my
• 22:35
  burden
• 22:35
  to
• 22:35
  carry?
• 22:36
  What
• 22:36
  would
• 22:37
  happen
• 22:37
  if
• 22:37
  I
• 22:37
  let
• 22:37
  them
• 22:38
  handle
• 22:38
  this?
• 22:39
  Am
• 22:40
  I
• 22:40
  helping
• 22:41
  or
• 22:41
  am
• 22:41
  I
• 22:41
  controlling?
• 22:43
  And
• 22:43
  sometimes
• 22:43
  we
• 22:43
  control
• 22:44
  just
• 22:44
  because
• 22:44
  it's
• 22:44
  easier,
• 22:44
  right?
• 22:45
  Like
• 22:45
  just
• 22:45
  tell
• 22:45
  them
• 22:45
  what
• 22:45
  to
• 22:45
  do.
• 22:46
  And
• 22:46
  it
• 22:46
  makes
• 22:46
  us
• 22:46
  mad
• 22:46
  when
• 22:47
  they
• 22:47
  don't
• 22:47
  do
• 22:47
  what
• 22:47
  that
• 22:47
  we
• 22:47
  told
• 22:48
  them
• 22:48
  to
• 22:48
  do.
• 22:49
  They
• 22:49
  have
• 22:49
  ultimate
• 22:49
  control,
• 22:50
  not
• 22:50
  us.
• 22:52
  And
• 22:52
  this
• 22:53
  is
• 22:53
  just
• 22:53
  the
• 22:53
  beginning
• 22:54
  of
• 22:54
  breaking
• 22:54
  free
• 22:55
  from
• 22:55
  this
• 22:55
  stuff.
• 22:56
  It's
• 22:56
  just
• 22:56
  the
• 22:56
  beginning.
• 22:58
  And
• 22:58
  you
• 22:58
  might
• 22:58
  be
• 22:58
  thinking,
• 22:59
  okay,
• 22:59
  Dr.
• 22:59
  Danielle,
• 22:59
  this
• 23:00
  is
• 23:00
  great,
• 23:01
  but
• 23:01
  what
• 23:01
  does
• 23:01
  this
• 23:01
  have
• 23:01
  to
• 23:02
  do
• 23:02
  with
• 23:02
  my
• 23:02
  body?
• 23:02
  And
• 23:02
  I'm
• 23:03
  going
• 23:03
  to
• 23:03
  say
• 23:03
  everything.
• 23:05
  When
• 23:05
  you
• 23:05
  are
• 23:06
  codependent,
• 23:06
  your
• 23:06
  nervous
• 23:07
  system
• 23:07
  is
• 23:07
  stuck
• 23:08
  in
• 23:08
  hyper
• 23:08
  vigilance.
• 23:09
  Your
• 23:09
  cortisol
• 23:10
  is
• 23:10
  constantly
• 23:10
  firing.
• 23:11
  Your
• 23:11
  guts
• 23:12
  shut
• 23:12
  down
• 23:12
  like
• 23:13
  they
• 23:13
  stop
• 23:13
  moving.
• 23:14
  Your
• 23:14
  hormones
• 23:15
  crash,
• 23:16
  your
• 23:16
  body
• 23:16
  is
• 23:16
  running
• 23:17
  on
• 23:17
  fumes.
• 23:17
  You
• 23:18
  can
• 23:18
  take.
• 23:18
  All
• 23:19
  the
• 23:19
  supplements
• 23:19
  in
• 23:19
  the
• 23:19
  world,
• 23:19
  but
• 23:20
  if
• 23:20
  you
• 23:20
  don't
• 23:20
  address
• 23:20
  this,
• 23:20
  this
• 23:21
  behavior
• 23:21
  pattern,
• 23:22
  you're
• 23:22
  gonna
• 23:23
  stay
• 23:23
  stuck.
• 23:23
  And
• 23:24
  in
• 23:24
  the
• 23:24
  wilderness
• 23:24
  of
• 23:24
  wellness,
• 23:25
  we
• 23:25
  don't
• 23:25
  just
• 23:25
  work
• 23:26
  on
• 23:26
  food,
• 23:26
  sleep,
• 23:27
  and
• 23:27
  detox.
• 23:28
  We
• 23:28
  work
• 23:28
  on
• 23:28
  how
• 23:28
  your
• 23:29
  nervous
• 23:29
  system
• 23:29
  is
• 23:29
  wired
• 23:30
  and
• 23:30
  how
• 23:30
  your
• 23:30
  beliefs
• 23:31
  about
• 23:31
  helping,
• 23:32
  pleasing
• 23:32
  and
• 23:32
  fixing
• 23:33
  are
• 23:33
  keeping
• 23:33
  you
• 23:33
  stuck.
• 23:35
  Healing
• 23:36
  is
• 23:36
  possible.
• 23:38
  You're
• 23:38
  not
• 23:38
  broken,
• 23:39
  you're
• 23:39
  not
• 23:40
  weak,
• 23:41
  you're
• 23:41
  not
• 23:41
  crazy.
• 23:42
  You've
• 23:42
  been
• 23:42
  simply
• 23:43
  trained
• 23:43
  to
• 23:43
  disconnect
• 23:44
  from
• 23:44
  yourself.
• 23:45
  But
• 23:45
  now.
• 23:46
  You
• 23:46
  get
• 23:46
  to
• 23:46
  come
• 23:46
  back,
• 23:47
  you
• 23:47
  get
• 23:48
  to
• 23:48
  heal.
• 23:48
  You
• 23:48
  get
• 23:48
  to
• 23:48
  release
• 23:49
  what's
• 23:49
  not
• 23:49
  yours.
• 23:50
  You
• 23:50
  get
• 23:50
  to
• 23:50
  nourish
• 23:51
  the
• 23:51
  body
• 23:51
  that
• 23:51
  God
• 23:52
  gave
• 23:52
  you.
• 23:53
  You
• 23:53
  get
• 23:53
  to
• 23:53
  use
• 23:53
  your
• 23:53
  voice,
• 23:54
  your
• 23:54
  time,
• 23:55
  your
• 23:55
  energy,
• 23:55
  not
• 23:56
  for
• 23:56
  fixing
• 23:56
  others,
• 23:56
  but
• 23:56
  for
• 23:57
  stewarding
• 23:57
  your
• 23:57
  health,
• 23:58
  your
• 23:58
  joy
• 23:58
  and
• 23:58
  your
• 23:59
  mission,
• 24:00
  the
• 24:00
  things
• 24:00
  that
• 24:01
  you're
• 24:01
  actually
• 24:01
  responsible
• 24:02
  for.
• 24:03
  So
• 24:03
  what
• 24:04
  do
• 24:04
  we
• 24:04
  do
• 24:04
  now?
• 24:05
  One.
• 24:05
  I
• 24:05
  want
• 24:05
  you
• 24:05
  to
• 24:05
  re-listen
• 24:06
  to
• 24:06
  this
• 24:06
  episode
• 24:06
  and
• 24:06
  take
• 24:07
  notes.
• 24:08
  Two.
• 24:08
  I
• 24:08
  want
• 24:08
  you
• 24:08
  to
• 24:08
  begin
• 24:09
  journaling
• 24:09
  your
• 24:09
  codependent
• 24:10
  patterns
• 24:10
  and
• 24:11
  name
• 24:11
  them
• 24:12
  three.
• 24:13
  Start
• 24:13
  detaching
• 24:14
  one
• 24:14
  moment
• 24:14
  at
• 24:15
  a
• 24:15
  time.
• 24:15
  You
• 24:16
  don't
• 24:16
  need
• 24:16
  a
• 24:16
  rescue.
• 24:17
  You
• 24:17
  don't
• 24:17
  need
• 24:17
  to
• 24:17
  be
• 24:18
  the
• 24:18
  rescue
• 24:18
  or
• 24:18
  fix
• 24:19
  for
• 24:19
  everybody.
• 24:20
  Actually,
• 24:20
  nobody.
• 24:21
  That's
• 24:21
  Jesus'
• 24:22
  job.
• 24:22
  And
• 24:22
  if
• 24:23
  you
• 24:23
  want
• 24:23
  help,
• 24:23
  real
• 24:24
  help,
• 24:24
  you
• 24:25
  don't
• 24:25
  have
• 24:25
  to
• 24:25
  do
• 24:25
  this
• 24:25
  alone.
• 24:26
  Inside
• 24:26
  the
• 24:26
  wilderness
• 24:26
  of
• 24:26
  wellness,
• 24:27
  we're
• 24:27
  not
• 24:27
  just
• 24:27
  helping
• 24:28
  women
• 24:28
  detox
• 24:29
  and
• 24:29
  lose
• 24:29
  weight
• 24:29
  that's
• 24:30
  happening,
• 24:31
  but
• 24:31
  we're
• 24:31
  also
• 24:31
  helping
• 24:32
  women
• 24:32
  break
• 24:32
  generational
• 24:33
  patterns.
• 24:34
  We're
• 24:34
  helping
• 24:34
  them
• 24:34
  reclaim
• 24:35
  their
• 24:35
  God-given
• 24:36
  identity.
• 24:36
  We're
• 24:37
  rebuilding
• 24:37
  women
• 24:37
  who
• 24:37
  are
• 24:38
  emotionally
• 24:38
  free,
• 24:39
  spiritually
• 24:40
  grounded,
• 24:40
  and
• 24:41
  physically
• 24:42
  resilient.
• 24:43
  If
• 24:43
  that's
• 24:44
  what
• 24:44
  you
• 24:44
  want,
• 24:44
  then
• 24:44
  come
• 24:44
  join
• 24:45
  us.
• 24:46
  You're
• 24:46
  welcome
• 24:46
  here.
• 24:47
  And
• 24:47
  if
• 24:48
  and
• 24:48
  if
• 24:48
  this
• 24:48
  episode
• 24:49
  spoke
• 24:49
  to
• 24:49
  you.
• 24:50
  Would
• 24:50
  you
• 24:50
  share
• 24:51
  it
• 24:51
  with
• 24:51
  someone
• 24:51
  else
• 24:51
  who
• 24:51
  needs
• 24:52
  it?
• 24:52
  A
• 24:52
  friend,
• 24:53
  a
• 24:53
  sister,
• 24:54
  a
• 24:54
  fellow
• 24:54
  people
• 24:54
  pleaser
• 24:55
  who
• 24:55
  is
• 24:55
  tired
• 24:56
  of
• 24:57
  being
• 24:57
  tired.
• 24:59
  Let's
• 24:59
  normalize
• 25:00
  these
• 25:00
  conversations
• 25:01
  that
• 25:01
  aren't
• 25:01
  happening
• 25:01
  inside
• 25:02
  the
• 25:02
  church.
• 25:02
  Let's
• 25:02
  normalize
• 25:03
  this.
• 25:03
  Let's
• 25:03
  lead
• 25:04
  with
• 25:04
  truth.
• 25:04
  Let's
• 25:05
  walk
• 25:05
  out
• 25:06
  of
• 25:06
  codependency
• 25:07
  and
• 25:07
  into
• 25:08
  wholeness
• 25:08
  together.
• 25:09
  Until
• 25:10
  next
• 25:10
  time,
• 25:11
  it's
• 25:11
  Dr.
• 25:11
  Danielle
• 25:12
  here,
• 25:12
  and
• 25:12
  I'm
• 25:12
  reminding
• 25:13
  you
• 25:13
  that
• 25:14
  you
• 25:14
  were
• 25:14
  never
• 25:14
  meant
• 25:15
  to
• 25:15
  be
• 25:16
  everything
• 25:17
  for
• 25:17
  everyone.
• 25:18
  You
• 25:18
  were
• 25:18
  meant
• 25:19
  to
• 25:19
  be
• 25:19
  whole,
• 25:20
  grounded
• 25:21
  and
• 25:21
  free
• 25:21
  in
• 25:22
  Christ.
• 25:24
  Thanks
• 25:24
  for
• 25:25
  listening
• 25:25
  to
• 25:25
  The
• 25:25
  Crying
• 25:25
  in
• 25:25
  My
• 25:25
  Cheesecake
• 25:26
  podcast.
• 25:26
  I
• 25:26
  hope
• 25:27
  it
• 25:27
  encourage
• 25:27
  you
• 25:27
  to
• 25:27
  make
• 25:27
  a
• 25:27
  next
• 25:28
  best
• 25:28
  step
• 25:28
  for
• 25:28
  your
• 25:28
  help.
• 25:29
  Take
• 25:29
  a
• 25:29
  look
• 25:29
  at
• 25:29
  the
• 25:29
  show
• 25:29
  notes
• 25:30
  for
• 25:30
  more
• 25:30
  information
• 25:30
  or
• 25:31
  other
• 25:31
  links
• 25:31
  I
• 25:31
  mentioned
• 25:31
  in
• 25:31
  the
• 25:32
  episode.
• 25:32
  And
• 25:33
  if
• 25:33
  you
• 25:33
  got
• 25:33
  to
• 25:33
  this
• 25:33
  point,
• 25:33
  come
• 25:34
  find
• 25:34
  me
• 25:34
  on
• 25:34
  Instagram
• 25:34
  at
• 25:35
  Dr.
• 25:35
  Danielle
• 25:36
  nd
• 25:36
  tell
• 25:37
  me
• 25:37
  you
• 25:37
  listened
• 25:37
  to
• 25:37
  this
• 25:37
  episode
• 25:38
  and
• 25:38
  what
• 25:38
  you
• 25:38
  got
• 25:38
  out
• 25:38
  of
• 25:38
  it.