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Happy Hour #96: In Sickness and in Health · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sanny and Samantha. I don't know to Stephane,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: never told you protection of iHeartRadio. It is Thursday, which
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: means it's time for another happy Hour. As always, if
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: you choose to drink, please do so responsibly. As this
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: comes out, it is Thanksgiving, so having Thanksgiving to everyone
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: who celebrates This wasn't really planned. This is just how
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: our schedule worked out. So happy Native American Heritage Day,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: for Native Indigenous Heritage Day, all those things. Far as
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: People's Day, we celebrate you more than we celebrate Thanksgiving,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: we promise, yes. But yeah, so this was just I've
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: actually this has been the topic I've been wanting to
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: talk about. It's been delayed for a long time. But
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: if you see the title, you're like, why are they
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: publishing this on Thanksgiving? It just worked out that way,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I promise. So I am sipping on my classic Gin
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: and Tonic with some basil or basil however you pronounce it,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: because that's all I have. That's literally all I have,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: even though today is Life Day, November Star Wars Holiday
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: and I should be having a Life Day specific drink.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: But I just really fell through. I did not. Are
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you not doing a celebration. I am doing a celebration
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Marissa bringing the ingredients for all the things for life us.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Tonight tonight I will have a celebration, but for now
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I only Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of surprised by those.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And by the way, y'all, she does have a Life
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Day shirt on. I do not just for me, but
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: for Life Day, so well for you to. I did
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: get a nice text this morning with a wookie. Yes,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I think I sent like so many texts about life days.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: So now if I look at my history, it's just
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: like Life Day gifts history. It's very very funny from
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: one of the out there. Oh poor Lumpy. At least
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't send you itchy could have done that rather not.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Uh yes, well, I am sipping on. I decided because
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: it is very cold in Georgia, and I'm sorry to
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: those who are in snowstorms. Probably like you don't know cold,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: and that's true, and I don't like cold, so there's that.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: But it is it hit thirty degrees last night to night.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I supposed to hit down to twenty eight. Don't love it?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Not a fan um. And then also that causes for
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: sniffles and all of that, which makes me also go,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: oh my god, everybody's got COVID. But it's just the cold.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying not to fall into that because also
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: if this is on Thanksgiving, I had a habit of
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: being sick constantly during the Thanksgiving day break, which was
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: weird to me. I would have fevers all the time,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and like the only times I would get sick it
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: was around Thanksgiving, which is funny because I actually I
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: really liked it Thanksgiving because I love food and that's
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: what it entailed. But yeah, so I'm drinking a hot toddy.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But I did a twist because I got the ginger
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: honey citrone tea. You know I'm talking about. That's pretty
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: much that Jammie make of lemons and oranges and the
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: peels and the ginger. So I got that and put
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: it with the echonation tea and added some whiskey for
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the adult version. So I am sipping on my tea
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: because I'm trying not to get sick as my Thanksgiving
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Day tradition. Yes, and that's a great segue into what
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: we're talking about today, because, as Samantha does, a couple
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: like a month or so ago, two months I had COVID.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I had COVID. She needed to tell us after I did,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: but I did not go out. And it was actually
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: hilarious how how I was reading the CDC guideline and
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is what I've been doing.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm good. Like I didn't really have to
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: change much. The only thing I did was I got
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: groceries delivered. But other than that, I was kind of like, yeah, easy,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I can't stay in. Yeah. I didn't tell anybody. And
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: that's part of what I want to talk about, because
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: I think you know, a lot of us are you know,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: going home? Uh, And there are still those concerns around
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: COVID or just even like the flu or illness um
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: in general. And I haven't been sick. I'm very very fortunate.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: I haven't been sick and so long, like I think
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I've had a science infection are two, but like over
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: ten years, I have not been sick, which is amazing
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: because we knew. We were just like absolutely, because Annie
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: doesn't get the regulars like this. She gets whatever is
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: the most uncommon and unlikely. We were like, and of
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: course you wouldn't get COVID, that's too common when it's
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: after yes, yes, I finally toppled out. I'll admit I
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: had the moment of like, oh, darn it, get me finally.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: It did take me six tested to get the positive
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: even though I was pretty sure I had it, and
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: the sometimes are really mild because I've gotten all vaccines,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I've gotten boosted. It was very, very mild. But the
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: reason I wanted to talk about this, what we're talking
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: about today is illness and my reaction to it, uh
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: and what I've seen anecdotally, and Smith and I have
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: kind of different reactions, but there are some things that
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm kind of fascinated that this was my response. Um,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: So I used to be very sick as a child.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I was very ill a lot um A lot of
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: that had to do with asthma. But yeah, it's been
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: a it's been a minute for me. And so literally
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I got with my positive results and the first thing
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I thought was this means I can have soup and
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: lay in bed, And that's just the saddest. That's so sad.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: You're not the only one who thinks this way, Like
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: you have to run yourself down into the ground dragged
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: before you can truly rest, and then you have a
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: plausible reason and excuse to do so, as yes, I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: am the opposite, and I'm like, oh, I kind of
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: feel sick not doing for three days, and I love
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: off of I like, at least you know, my half
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: of my pantry is just straight noodles, ramen, m H
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: and soups because I love soups so much. The minute
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: it turned like fifty degrees, I immediately went and made
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: vegetable soup. We made a Hungarian soup and it made
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: it twice because I loved it. I constantly go to
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: our h Mart because there's a restaurant ruined by two
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Korean women that makes the best Kim gay and I'm like,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that will be my six soup. I guess if I
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: were to get sick at any point in time, and
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and like you, I've actually been pretty lucky, especially in
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: the past few years, especially during COVID. And I say
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: this in that masks are amazing and I really feel
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: like it combated a lot of the germs that we
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: pick up, which is why I refused to stop. Like,
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: of course, if it makes it awkward and uncomfortable, I
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: go with status quo, which boo on me for doing that,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: But I just don't want to stir up things as
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: an Asian woman in general. But like, I really feel
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: like that's really helped our immunity. But I have started
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: getting a little more sniffly as of late. I did
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: have an ear rate one day. I was like, no,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: but yeah, like it. It is an amazing thing to me.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I will find out. Yeah, damn, yeah, I'm wonderful.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be sick. But if I even
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: have a sniff late done, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Coach,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I'm out. And you really have to take a test
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: six times and actually go through the symptoms, and a
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: week later, oh, now I'm sick, even though you've been
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: sick the entire time. And then you're like, but I'll
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: eat sup. But I won't tell anybody, and they're all
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: gonna be mad at me afterwards because I don't want
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: them to feel like they need to help me, even
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: though we would like love to do so, which is
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: an interesting response. Yeah, and that's sort of what I
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: wanted to pick apart because I've seen that with my
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: mom um. But you know, we've done episodes and you
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: can listen to them for like a more scientific uh
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: answer around like women in illness and like it's the
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: man fluid thing and all that stuff. But like I recorded,
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't take any days off or anything like. There
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: are episodes of Spinty that you can listen to where
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I had COVID when we did it, and I knew
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I had COVID. We're still recording separately from our home studios,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: by the way, But it was it was tell me
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: you had COVID. I think we actually have that because
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: you told me I'm pretty sure I have COVID, and
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: then a couple days later, and then you didn't tell
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: me until way after. Yes, And that's that's another thing
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: like it. It was like I didn't want to draw
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: attention to myself. I didn't want to cause anybody any issues.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to rock the boat. Um. I thought
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: i'd have much more of a reaction of like almost pride,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: you know, like oh no, now I'm not one of
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: the ones who never got it. But it was much
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: more I'm like, I just don't want to bother anybody
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: about it, right. I love that you waited my favorite
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: part of this and announced it to you a friend
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: group way after, because you didn't want it to be
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: like gonna be mad at me for not telling them.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: So I don't know how to do this. I'll just
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: wait and then just make it announced and built up.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And finally I was like, I need to hold a
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: conference call. And it's like everybody's attention for you. And
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that's you know, like you said, people love to if
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: you care about someone, you love to care about them,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: like send them stuff or make sure they're they're okay.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: And my good friend Marissa, who is a nurse, she
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: she has kind of a reputation of in my friend group.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: She finds out you have COVID. The next day you're
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: getting a shipment of like medications and soups at all,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Like it's so lovely and it's so nice, and I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: don't like that. My first thing was like it was
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: like a kind of shrinking end of like, oh God,
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to feel like they have to
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: do anything for me or change your schedule for me
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Um. And again it wasn't. I didn't have
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: that many symptoms I had. I had like one night,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: not even a day that was a little rough, but
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: otherwise it was fine. But I don't I don't know
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: It's just been so long since I've been sick that
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: I was kind of like, wow, this is this isn't great.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: You're kind of like, I don't want anybody to take
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: care of me. I don't want anybody to know. I'm
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: just gonna continue forward. Maybe all that myself lay in
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: bed for a little bit longer than I really do.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: So for me, it's I don't necessarily want you to
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: take care of me. As a fact, typically when I'm sick,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: there's only one person that who could like come and
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: take care of me because I didn't like it, and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: it used to be my mother. I'm like, that's the
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: only person I'll let near me. I guess now probably
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: be my partner since you know we live together and
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: all that. But I do want you to know. I
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: need to prove to you that I'm sick because I'm
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: afraid that everybody thinks I'm lying. So I have to
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: prove to you, look how awful I am, Look how
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: sick I am, Look how awful I sound. So I
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: need you to know that I'm not lying and making
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: this up. So I'm the opposite of like I'm niking
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: everybody aware I'm truly sick. I'm truly, truly sick. I'm
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: not faking it because I don't know. It's just this
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: whole level like they don't believe you. You have to
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: have all these symptoms, and if you don't show these symptoms,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah, I will say I have yet test
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: positive for COVID. Doesn't mean I didn't have at any point.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think I've had any symptoms
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: for it. Again, we talked about how when we first
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: came back from l A, my partner and I both
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: got sick on intervals, but we never lost our since
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: the smell. We never had these certain things, but we
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: were out for a good week um with fevers that
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: would go like all these things, So we don't know.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: We may have had it in that was before testing
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: was available all of those things. UM, and I haven't
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: done an antibody test, so I don't know. But for
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: the most part, outside of that, I've never had any
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: symptoms to show that I had any of the following things.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I did have one week of like this is definitely
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: my silences. My air was kind of hurting and like
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: all these things that I'm like, this goes to this.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: You know, type of feeling and my face hurt, that
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: was the obvious sign. But because of those things, if
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I'm not truly over the top six, then I don't tell.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm sick. I just feel bad. Of
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: course I'm gonna take that excuse to lay around. I'm like, oh,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I don't feel good. I just need a rest. Because
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I also have very like a big believer in doing
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: things preventatively. So if you start getting signs, I know,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: like for coals, not for everything else, but like typically
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you can do some measures to try to prevent it
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: for being really bad. Um So that's where I'm trying
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: to get to. But if I'm sick, I have to
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: prove to you. But I am sick, and I'm going
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: to announce it and show you, whether it's the way
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking or I'm coughing or I'm sniff sniff, really
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: a promise I'm sick. But that's like it was a
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: weird reaction. That's why you just hide away during I'm
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: going to show it in the midst of it. Yeah,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: but I think that's kind of it's kind of related
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: because I feel I've also struggle with um oh, people
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: won't believe me. I am the person who will put
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: off going to the doctor forever until I'm like, what
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: a dent you cannot say I'm not sick. And we've
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: talked about that with women who like statistics show they're
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: more likely to go to the doctor, but they're also
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: more likely to be dismissed, um for very serious things. Um.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So I think that that makes sense. And then I
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: also think, like, kind of oddly what we talked about
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: in self care, where there's this feminization that happens around
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: taking care of yourself and not necessarily it's looked down upon.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm trying to say, and it shouldn't be,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: but it is. And so that for me there's also
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: that level of but look how tough I am. I
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: could keep working. I can keep doing this stuff. And
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: in fact, um, my friend Marissa we went to this
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: if you're following me on Instagram, you've seen the pictures.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: We went to the Stranger Things event um and I
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: had uh, pretty debilitating migraine during it and I thought
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I was gonna vomit and all this stuff. And it
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: was a week later I told her, I was like,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: you know, that whole night I was miserable, like it
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: was fun, but I was like seeing spots in my head,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: was hurt and I was gonna throw up. And she
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: got got of frustrate with me, and she was like,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: why didn't you feel like you could tell us that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Why did you keep that to yourself and keep pushing through?
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I wanted to have fun.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I want everybody have fun, um, But it's that that
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: thing we've talked about of like so often women have
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: been socialized to make things easier for other people, and
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: they never asked that of me. They never wanted that,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: but I did it. I took it on and it
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: was week Like a week later that was like, hey, yeah,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I was barely keeping it together right as you told me.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: The next day you're like, oh my god, it was rough. Uh.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: But that's kind of your thing as well, where you
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: can't disappoint people, so you go out and can't say no.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: So you've learned to say no, you've not learned to cancel.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm the Queen of canceling. I am the queen.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Like literally, Halloween didn't do two parties to go to.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: All I did was like hey, and it was I
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: had a really rough week, a lot of like debilitating
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: mental health tie where I felt like it wasn't worth
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: being present, like not necessarily, which by the way, we
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: do need to have this conversation about passive suicidal ideation.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I didn't think much of it, but I was like, huh,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: this is interesting, but that that wasn't where I was
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: at yet. But I was good, like spiraling essentially mental
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: health like guy, I was just anxious and felt really
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: down on myself and felt like I was beating myself up.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So it's really rough, weak because when I have weeks
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: like at where literally those times where you can't stop
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: thinking of an incident for the entire week and it
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: keeps you awake and you just feel haunted by it.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: One of those and then several things just piled on
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: like that, so it was like awful, And then trying
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: to go to public to enjoy company with people who
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: want to have fun just felt impossible to me, and
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: so I canceled on everything and it was a delightful day.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Like my partner, thank god, he is as as kind
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: as he is, He's like, what do you want to
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: do instead of like let's go to Hmart. Let me
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: get my comfort Stu and then we came back home
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and ate it while we watched a horror movie US
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: until I think you mutched Barbaria that day I can't remember,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: but like it was that type of day and night
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: for me of like, Okay, this is where I am.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: So I love canceling because also have friends on the
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: same level of like, if you don't feel like it,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: just let's just not do it. Let's just get all,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: you know, be honest with yourself. Because while and often
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: times there's day so I'm like, I'm glad I went
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: to something even though I did't feel like it because
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: it felt nice. But I've also been like I'm glad
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I didn't go to this thing because it also felt nice.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: So like as where I'm in that place in my
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: life you have always like you're taken a huge step
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: and being able to say no, thank you, I'm not
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: coming out, but to actually cancel plans that would be
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Have you ever done that outside of emergencies outside of
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: your control? I don't. I don't think there's always a reason.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: There's always like something that happened, something that happens as
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: the outside of your control, whether it's a car incident,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: whether there's a family incident. Yeah. So outside of that note,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: I don't think so like I'm almost giving examples of
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: where I actually did cancel because of migraine, because god,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I can't even believe I was standing. So'side of by control.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: But you know, this instance, I didn't, That instance I did,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: but yeah not Yeah, that's what I'm like. That's the like,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: the difference of like. And I'm absolutely positive your friends
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: would have been completely fine because I know that they're
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: very sweet. They are kind people who love you dearly,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: would go to the moon and back for you. So
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: they would have been like, Okay, it's that I also know,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: and I don't know if this is the case or not.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes you are the henchmen to a group and oftentimes
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: you're the life of the party. Is so people would
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: rather do it with you than without. Yeah, and that
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: was I hate that I did this. But after that
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Stranger Things thing, which was fine, it was so fun,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I apologized everybody that went with me. I apologized and
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry I wasn't like my full
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: self to night. They were performed moments, girl, Because I
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: am usually that person that if there's you know, different
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: people who don't know each other as well or whatever.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, And that night I was like, oh God,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: just don't throw up. But I was really interested to
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: hear because this this kind of is orbiting around a
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff we've talked about around like productivity and
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: morality and deprivation that I specifically deal with, and I
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: think a lot of people deal with around like just
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: taking care of yourself and food in particular. But also like,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm curious because I saw kind of a joke headline
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: that was about women who were so happy. It was
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: a joke, but it was happy to be sick because
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: it meant they could take a break from all the
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: work and the child care and all of this stuff.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I'm curious if, like women during the pandemic who have kids.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know, my gut is telling me that there's
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: less of that happening and more of you have to
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: power through. But I would love to hear from listeners. Honestly,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: just saw a tech talk in which a woman and
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: is recording her husband and they've been married for a
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: long time. And I don't know if she meant to
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: do this or she did. I don't know if she
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be a joke, and then everybody
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: got ahold of it and like your husband's trash, um,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: because he was making heal openion poppers for a game day,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: and he was complaining the entire time, saying, you know,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: you could have done this, but you know, I guess
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I will have to do it for myself because you
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: decided not to do this for me. Um, and went
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: on to say, you know, I went to golfing today
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: and I was hoping that you would have this done
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: by the time I got here so I can enjoy
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: the game that you want to watch and I want
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: to watch, But no, you said, on your butt. And
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: then he continued on to say, and I know you
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: just got done with your treatment quote unquote, so mean
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: he had. She had cancer treatment that day, but she
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: was just sitting on her but um, but you decided
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: not to do that for me. It was truly upset,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: and it was so patronizing the entire conversation talking about
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: how you know, and she's like, yeah, and now you
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: can do it for yourself. I'm so proud of you.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: And she was right. She was like, so now you're
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: so She's trying to get them to explain why he
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: was upset with her while he was doing this, and
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: she's like, looking at you, you're doing it. You're doing
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: a great job, and I'm sure it's gonna be delicious.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: And he was like, well, you know, if you hadn't
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: been sitting on your butt all day, you could have
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: already had this done for me. And I know you
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: want to go sit and enjoy the game. I do too,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: that level of like, she literally is going through cancer
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: and you weren't present with her because you went golfing,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: and now you're mad because she went through I'm assuming chemo. What.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: But that's kind of the narrative, and most people were
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: on her side because I think it's finally coming out
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to be like, yeah, husbands are trash and this whole
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: nuclear family idea husbands are trash um not all I know,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I know, but when you see videos like this with
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: the expectation that her who is going through something traumatic
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: as chemo or cancer treatments or whatever, that entails to
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: him going golfing as if that's hard work. Yeah, And
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I think a bigger conversation we could have about able
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: ism and like having to not make other people uncomfortable
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: if you are sick, um right, and the fact that
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you have a sense of humor. Yeah, it's kind of
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: that other saying of like this is why we are
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: taught in society that showing witness as a woman physically
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: could be a detriment to whatever value you have in society. Yeah. Yeah,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh. Um. Yeah. So I would love to
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: hear from listeners. I really because I've read, I've read
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: kind of competing things. But in my experience, a lot
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: of the women in my life just have to keep
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: doing stuff. Like maybe they'll i don't know, not go
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: out so they don't spread spread things, but they still
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: have to like make the lunches or whatever it is. Um,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: that expectation. Uh, and that's certain me Again, a lot
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: of this was just me, my own stuff. But that's
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: how I felt, was like, well, I don't want to
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: inconvenience um anyone else. Yeah. Well, cheers, cheers, cheers, thank you,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for being here with me. I
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: am grateful for you, are grateful for you smith It,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: and I'm grateful for you listeners. So yeah, please right
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: in if you have any thoughts about about this, because
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I would just love to know. Uh, And You can
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: do that via our email, which is Stephitely, Your Mom
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Stuff and I Hurt mea dot com. You can find
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or Instagram that
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Stuff I Never told You. Thanks as always to our
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: super producer Chris do you not Thank you? And thanks
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuffie Never Told You This protection
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: of by Heart Radio. For more podcast in My Heart Radio,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: you can check out the radio at Apple Podcast wherever
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: you listen to favorite shops on