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FEELING LIKE THE GRASS COULD BE GREENER IF I BROKE UP WITH HIM?! · Relatables

0:00
Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables.
0:02
Speaker 2: My boyfriend of six plus years stayed over in another
0:07
Speaker 2: girl's hotel room for two nights whilst out of country
0:11
Speaker 2: on a work trip. Nothing except clothes on, spooning, a
0:17
Speaker 2: kiss on the head, and hand holding happened and he
0:20
Speaker 2: doesn't understand why I can't get over it. Relatable The
0:36
Speaker 2: Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Jake Craig aka Jake Craig,
0:44
Speaker 2: my partner in crime, Audie Clark Akadi Clark.
0:56
Speaker 1: Welcome back, everybody to another relatable episode.
0:58
Speaker 3: So stupid not funny, Yes it is.
1:04
Speaker 1: Come on, man, I thought it funny.
1:06
Speaker 2: I guess if we think it's funny, then I guess
1:09
Speaker 2: it's funny to someone.
1:10
Speaker 1: As long as we're laughing, as long as we're laughing.
1:13
Speaker 1: But there's something that's happening in the world, Jake, you
1:16
Speaker 1: know what that is? Fear terror, that's propaganda. That's probably
1:23
Speaker 1: all happening. It's steep for things happening in the world.
1:26
Speaker 1: But one thing in particular that's happening is there's one
1:29
Speaker 1: document on the Internet that's getting flooded. It is, and
1:34
Speaker 1: that is Relatables Dilemmas document. The completely anonymous document where
1:41
Speaker 1: you leave a brief description of dilemma that's happening in
1:44
Speaker 1: your life, and we do our best to help you.
1:46
Speaker 1: We're savage, sometimes we're nice, sometimes we're mean. Sometimes we help,
1:51
Speaker 1: sometimes we don't. But this is going to be a
1:54
Speaker 1: full Dilemmas episode because you guys are flooding the Dilemma's document.
1:58
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, so clearly you have spoken and you
2:00
Speaker 3: want this.
2:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we are a podcast of the people. Yes,
2:04
Speaker 1: And if you don't know where Dilemmas originated from, it
2:07
Speaker 1: actually came from ages ago when we were in the
2:09
Speaker 1: wooden log studio.
2:12
Speaker 2: About twenty meters that way, and we're sitting here in
2:18
Speaker 2: the garage currently at my house.
2:20
Speaker 1: Twenty meters do.
2:23
Speaker 3: That actual direction? Yeah, twenty meters do east.
2:27
Speaker 1: That's sick, is uh.
2:29
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get the manliness to the directions. Twenty
2:32
Speaker 2: meters due east that way.
2:33
Speaker 1: I tell you what, this isn't a garage, more man,
2:36
Speaker 1: it's a studio. Yeah, yeah, you renovated this. It's a studo.
2:40
Speaker 3: It's a studio.
2:41
Speaker 1: But back in the old the log cabin Jeue East.
2:46
Speaker 1: I came to the pod with a dilemma one day
2:48
Speaker 1: and then I randomly said I might do ADDIE's weekly dilemma.
2:52
Speaker 2: Well, I think you came like three weeks and you
2:53
Speaker 2: were like, I'm just going to bring one every week.
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Speaker 1: I had a lot of shit going on in my life, guys,
2:57
Speaker 1: And what ended up happening was people's I was sending
3:00
Speaker 1: in their dilemmas, and then this whole thing formed from
3:03
Speaker 1: you guys.
3:04
Speaker 2: We started getting mad dms.
3:05
Speaker 1: Why we love it so much, so to help you
3:08
Speaker 1: guys out, let's do some dilemmas.
3:10
Speaker 2: Do you remember we were like, hey, guys, we're getting
3:13
Speaker 2: a fair few messages with dilemmas and we don't want
3:14
Speaker 2: them to go missing. So when you when you send
3:18
Speaker 2: a dilemma, title it all caps dilemma. So and when
3:22
Speaker 2: we look up in the search bar of the chats dilemma,
3:25
Speaker 2: only dilemmas come up. And then I remember the transition
3:28
Speaker 2: of doing that and then going into the Google docs, right,
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Speaker 2: I remember doing it, and I remember like we had
3:35
Speaker 2: to keep on mentioning it because we were like, okay, guys,
3:36
Speaker 2: it's getting ridiculous.
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Speaker 3: We're actually going to ignore dms now and only go
3:39
Speaker 3: to the Google docs because they've they've listened to.
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Speaker 1: Us, literally people still dm as. With dilemmas, we do
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Speaker 1: get the odd one. Do you check out hidden? No,
3:49
Speaker 1: there's heaps in there.
3:49
Speaker 2: Well the hidden is like they think it's like Instagram
3:52
Speaker 2: thinks they spambots, But.
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Speaker 1: It's not that many people must be nice. But also
3:57
Speaker 1: that brings up what to do to submit a dilemma.
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Speaker 1: It will be the description of this episode that links
4:01
Speaker 1: straight to the document or link in bio and scull
4:04
Speaker 1: at the bottom. It will say dilemmas. There you go.
4:06
Speaker 2: I really really think we should go back and find
4:08
Speaker 2: the first ever dilemma.
4:10
Speaker 1: And it was there's no way we're finding that.
4:13
Speaker 3: It's somewhere in the art drive.
4:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's no you remember what it is?
4:16
Speaker 3: No, no, no, like yours.
4:18
Speaker 2: My first evident, the thing that started dilemmas was the
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Speaker 2: first one you brought in.
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Speaker 1: He'll be dumb. Yeah.
4:21
Speaker 2: I was trying, what's it gonna be like I fucking
4:24
Speaker 2: went to work yesterday, or it'd be something like I
4:27
Speaker 2: went to the gym yesterday and I found out when
4:29
Speaker 2: I got there I had two different socks on.
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Speaker 1: No, that's not what it would have been. I remember
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Speaker 1: one of them. Actually, I don't think that was my
4:34
Speaker 1: first one though, was My dilemma was, I don't know
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Speaker 1: how to feel. I'm not good. I'm not bad, but
4:39
Speaker 1: I don't know how to feel I'm a good.
4:43
Speaker 2: Cost a bit of actual ganda, too much actual ganda.
4:48
Speaker 1: You've gone fucking manly and then signs on this mate,
4:51
Speaker 1: Who are you? You've been reading books or something that's
4:53
Speaker 1: help some people out. Yeah, you want me to go first?
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Speaker 3: Or you and you go first?
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Speaker 1: Dilemma higher just want to say first that I'm dyslexic,
5:00
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm putting
5:03
Speaker 1: all faith in spellcheck hashtagger relatable from another dyslexic king.
5:07
Speaker 1: I hope I can read this for you. I'm a
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Speaker 1: twenty two year old girl and a virgin who's never
5:12
Speaker 1: been in a relationship, been on a date, or even
5:15
Speaker 1: kissed the guy. My lack of experience doesn't worry me.
5:18
Speaker 1: Kissing sex seems pretty straightforward. Pretty straightforward enough, and I'm
5:22
Speaker 1: cool with the fact that I've done more important stuff
5:25
Speaker 1: in my personal life and focused on that up until
5:27
Speaker 1: this point. Also, please to say I've finally grown out
5:31
Speaker 1: of my ugly duckling teens, so that's no longer a worry.
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Speaker 3: Either what guy.
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Speaker 1: What worries me is the way guys have reacted when
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Speaker 1: I've told them my lack of experience. There are always
5:40
Speaker 1: guys I've talked to you online and in person. I've
5:43
Speaker 1: found they react in a few different ways. First is
5:45
Speaker 1: the guys say that it's cool, but then start talking
5:48
Speaker 1: to me as I'm super naive, like I'm a nun,
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Speaker 1: or that I've run away to convert.
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Speaker 3: Yes, so this gets hard, that gets wet, and then
5:57
Speaker 3: I put it.
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Speaker 1: In it's like a man splating sex. Second is the
6:02
Speaker 1: guys don't think it's a big deal beyond how I
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Speaker 1: feel about it. And third the guys that have that
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Speaker 1: virgin fetish. They start off seeming cool, but all of
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Speaker 1: a sudden you realize they're talking to you as though
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Speaker 1: they've stepped into one of their fantasies, and you feel
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Speaker 1: quite preyed upon. I've had bad luck and spoken to
6:20
Speaker 1: two guys in person who have reacted like this. Not fun.
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Speaker 1: So I have a few questions. Why do you think
6:26
Speaker 1: some guys feta size is that a word? Feticize about
6:31
Speaker 1: virginity in girls so much? How would you guys in
6:35
Speaker 1: brackets as decent blokes feel about dating girls with his
6:38
Speaker 1: little experience as me, and can you think of any
6:41
Speaker 1: questions to ask as a way to test which type
6:44
Speaker 1: of guy they are without actually telling them I'm a
6:46
Speaker 1: virgin And she said peers, thank you from Ireland and
6:50
Speaker 1: she loves the pot, so thank you very much much
6:52
Speaker 1: good glamoae shit.
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Speaker 2: Okay, first of all, first question was why do we
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Speaker 2: think guys some guys, sorry guys, some guys fetter size
7:06
Speaker 2: the virginity thing.
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Speaker 1: Which episode was it that we touched on that we
7:09
Speaker 1: touched on this? Was it a Patreon? I think it was. Yeah,
7:13
Speaker 1: it was. It was damn so you gotta go listen.
7:15
Speaker 2: To that as being fucking.
7:20
Speaker 1: It actually was. But so what we said on Patreon
7:23
Speaker 1: was we had a mad discussion of we didn't know
7:26
Speaker 1: it went on from body count and then we also
7:27
Speaker 1: talked about how guys care about virginity. I think it's
7:32
Speaker 1: a big immaturity thing. Where we were.
7:38
Speaker 3: We were virgins once.
7:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were virgins once, but we also had the
7:41
Speaker 1: same mindset when we're going through high school thinking that like,
7:44
Speaker 1: I don't know, a body count was something that like
7:48
Speaker 1: was to turn off to a girl. But as we matured,
7:51
Speaker 1: we realized that sex is fun and it's a part
7:53
Speaker 1: of life, and that everybody should have it as much
7:56
Speaker 1: as possible because orgasm is good. But why guys have fetishes?
8:02
Speaker 1: I think shows a little bit of immaturity. And I
8:07
Speaker 1: can't say.
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Speaker 2: I think this is one reason. I don't think this
8:13
Speaker 2: would be every guy's reason. That So every guy that
8:15
Speaker 2: has a little fetish for like virginity, I have a
8:18
Speaker 2: joke one too after Okay, I don't think this is
8:22
Speaker 2: every guy's reason. But some guys that have a little
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Speaker 2: virginity finish, I have a feeling they have like this
8:30
Speaker 2: like God complex about thinking, you know, I am a man,
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Speaker 2: I'm the one that spreads my seed. I need her
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Speaker 2: to be pure. I agree, not all guys that have
8:46
Speaker 2: that fetish, but I think I think some would be
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Speaker 2: like I need her to be pure like this like
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Speaker 2: God complex shit.
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Speaker 1: And I think the other end responsibility is like you
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Speaker 1: can't really understand people's fetishes, like when people have like
8:57
Speaker 1: nothing against it, like foot fetishes, or like that's something
9:01
Speaker 1: that turns them on for unknown reason.
9:04
Speaker 2: Again, I think when it comes to virginity, I just
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Speaker 2: feel like I gotta be Sundy with a God complex
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Speaker 2: of like oh, she's untouched.
9:13
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's like I get to.
9:15
Speaker 1: Like, like she's mine.
9:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, like, oh she's untouched, Like.
9:20
Speaker 1: Like I get to be the one to take it. Yeah.
9:23
Speaker 1: It's definitely some type of god complex or other end
9:26
Speaker 1: of the spectrum is he's going to be really knows
9:29
Speaker 1: he's really bad at sex, so he wants a version
9:32
Speaker 1: because you don't know any better.
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Speaker 3: See that. Actually, also is good that you said, Joe answer,
9:37
Speaker 3: that's a good answer.
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Speaker 1: I honestly think that.
9:39
Speaker 3: I don't honestly think that's a good answer.
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Speaker 1: Fair, fair, Okay, that's reasons.
9:44
Speaker 3: That's why.
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Speaker 1: Question two is how do you guys feel about dad
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Speaker 1: and girls with his little experience as me.
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Speaker 3: We we've said it once and we will say it again.
9:54
Speaker 3: We wouldn't give a shit.
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Speaker 1: No, we wouldn't give a shit at all. If I like,
9:57
Speaker 1: I'm not, I don't get I don't understand that, like
10:00
Speaker 1: how that changes the dynamic in a relationship. Like if
10:04
Speaker 1: I'm on a date, I really like this girl and
10:07
Speaker 1: then she mentions, I don't know, second or third day
10:09
Speaker 1: because she feels comfortable with me, by the way, I'm
10:11
Speaker 1: a virgin, or I've never had sex.
10:13
Speaker 3: Before, like I've kissed a few guys, but I've never
10:15
Speaker 3: gone all the way.
10:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would be like, oh, thank you so much
10:18
Speaker 1: for telling me. I'm glad you felt like safe enough
10:20
Speaker 1: to do that. And then I'll be like, well, if
10:23
Speaker 1: it ever gets to that, just make sure we're doing
10:25
Speaker 1: it in a comfortable way and the way you want
10:27
Speaker 1: to lose your virginity. Yeah.
10:29
Speaker 3: No, I don't know.
10:30
Speaker 2: I think I don't think.
10:31
Speaker 3: I mean, here, let me rephrase what I said.
10:33
Speaker 2: I said we wouldn't give a shit like I feel
10:36
Speaker 2: like that means like we just don't care about you,
10:38
Speaker 2: like we would care about the person.
10:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
10:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it doesn't affect We.
10:44
Speaker 1: Had another dilemma, and I think this is exactly what
10:46
Speaker 1: would happen to me. A girl said to the boy
10:49
Speaker 1: she was saying that she was a virgin and he
10:53
Speaker 1: was afraid to make a move because he wanted her
10:56
Speaker 1: to be completely comfortable. I remember this dilemma, and that
10:58
Speaker 1: would be me because I would be I would like,
11:01
Speaker 1: be nice, and then I'd also be like I don't know.
11:03
Speaker 1: I would be like, oh, I'm just gonna take this
11:04
Speaker 1: super super slow, and she would probably be like, fukay,
11:07
Speaker 1: let's have that sex. To me, already hurry h bay
11:09
Speaker 1: like fuck me, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think the
11:12
Speaker 1: biggest thing is when you find a nice guy, you
11:13
Speaker 1: might like a nice guy might be like slow down
11:16
Speaker 1: the process a little bit too much to what you
11:18
Speaker 1: actually want.
11:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wonder if it's like I don't know, I
11:23
Speaker 2: actually I like I'm saying now like we wouldn't care,
11:27
Speaker 2: but I think I think, yeah, we would definitely you
11:30
Speaker 2: would take it slower because in the back of your
11:33
Speaker 2: head it's like, oh, you're not doing it with you know,
11:38
Speaker 2: you're not doing it when you're you're sixteen and you're
11:42
Speaker 2: with your sixteen year old boyfriend and you're both innocent.
11:45
Speaker 3: Like, I think a lot of guys will be.
11:49
Speaker 2: Like, oh, they don't need to be doing this, but
11:51
Speaker 2: they'll be like, oh, now they might feel some pressure
11:54
Speaker 2: to make it good for you.
11:57
Speaker 1: There should be no expect But I don't virginity ever.
12:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, but I mean I don't think that's all
12:01
Speaker 2: that valid. But I don't know what do you reckon?
12:04
Speaker 2: Like do you reckon?
12:07
Speaker 1: Fuck?
12:08
Speaker 2: If she says on a first couple of days, like
12:09
Speaker 2: I'm actually a virgin, you know, but I'm ready, Like
12:13
Speaker 2: I don't know, Well.
12:13
Speaker 1: She said how do I bring it up without actually
12:15
Speaker 1: or how does she fish out these bad guys first?
12:18
Speaker 1: Or how do you fish out the bad guys? Do
12:21
Speaker 1: we have any tips on that? How do we fish
12:22
Speaker 1: out some guys? You have that weird God complex? Fetishers,
12:25
Speaker 1: you should be able to tell. I'm thinking in my head,
12:32
Speaker 1: like some of my friends probably have that God complex.
12:36
Speaker 1: Who would be like, yeah, okay, how to fish I'm
12:41
Speaker 1: honestly it's like reading your ability to read people in
12:45
Speaker 1: a sense. Yeah, but also some guys put on like
12:47
Speaker 1: they tell you what you want to hear, and it's
12:48
Speaker 1: hard to tell.
12:49
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, they're very some guys are very manipulative.
12:51
Speaker 1: They're good at it. So I don't really know on
12:54
Speaker 1: that point, but I think we can think of a
12:56
Speaker 1: good way to bring it up with guys to know
13:00
Speaker 1: they're that weird got God complex guy. I think your
13:05
Speaker 1: an answer.
13:08
Speaker 3: Go with that.
13:10
Speaker 2: But I think, like, okay, I think there is one
13:15
Speaker 2: thing this is like all people in general, is someone
13:22
Speaker 2: that does have this fetish. Let's say let's say the
13:26
Speaker 2: fetish bleeds from a God complex, right, they also would
13:31
Speaker 2: be falling into like narcissism as a category of what
13:36
Speaker 2: they are, and so they're like masters at manipulating, manipulating, right,
13:42
Speaker 2: So I think I don't think we are equipped with
13:48
Speaker 2: the ah knowledge or fucking advice to actually be able
13:53
Speaker 2: to sniff him out.
13:56
Speaker 1: You know, I think that's probably a great point.
13:59
Speaker 2: I mean also, honestly, like a lot of advice we've
14:02
Speaker 2: been been given lately is this, go with your gut,
14:07
Speaker 2: trust it. Trust your gut, like seriously it is wise m.
14:13
Speaker 1: And going off your gut. You can't maybe understand what
14:18
Speaker 1: these guys is doing when they're telling you what you
14:20
Speaker 1: want to hear. But what you can do is be
14:22
Speaker 1: true to yourself and be transparent. So maybe there isn't
14:26
Speaker 1: a good or bad way to tell someone you're a virgin,
14:29
Speaker 1: but just make sure you tell them and see how
14:32
Speaker 1: they react no matter what. Yeah, and then you can
14:34
Speaker 1: make that judgment call with your gut. Yeah definitely, Yeah,
14:37
Speaker 1: Yeah your gut feels I say, yeah, I think, and
14:40
Speaker 1: have fun losing it. Yeah, when you're.
14:44
Speaker 2: Ready, Okay, next day. Lem Mark, My husband has started
14:50
Speaker 2: paying his work colleague a lot of attention that I
14:53
Speaker 2: would say crosses the boundaries. They have been going to
14:57
Speaker 2: dinner after work, having coffees before work, getting lunches here
15:00
Speaker 2: and there. He claims he does this with all his
15:03
Speaker 2: fellow workers. However, it's only been her I've seen. She's
15:08
Speaker 2: also been snapchatting and calling him non stop, which I've
15:12
Speaker 2: also said numerous times I'm not okay with, and I
15:16
Speaker 2: mean non stop. She even called to see where we
15:21
Speaker 2: were together when we were out with friends on a Saturday.
15:26
Speaker 2: These all occur outside of work times. There's a lot
15:30
Speaker 2: more that's happening, but it's too much to write. He's
15:32
Speaker 2: now paying me no attention, instead calling me insecure and crazy.
15:38
Speaker 2: Am I being crazy? He doesn't take me for coffee
15:41
Speaker 2: anymore or make any effort, and he says he doesn't
15:45
Speaker 2: want to do anything for me because of how I act.
15:48
Speaker 2: He also refuses to introduce us, saying he doesn't know
15:51
Speaker 2: how I'll behave. I just feel like he's making excuses
15:54
Speaker 2: for his crappy behavior. I know age doesn't matter, but
15:58
Speaker 2: I should mention she is fourteen years younger than him.
16:01
Speaker 2: I don't see how they could possibly be friends or
16:04
Speaker 2: just talking quote unquote work, especially after ten pm. He's
16:10
Speaker 2: telling his friends I'm paranoid and crazy. So I feel
16:13
Speaker 2: so crappy right now? Please give some insight, What did she.
16:18
Speaker 1: Say that at the like in the middle there, he's
16:22
Speaker 1: not taking her out because of what she says.
16:25
Speaker 2: No, he doesn't take her out because how she acts.
16:31
Speaker 1: That is fucking manipulation at its finest. I know, No,
16:35
Speaker 1: that's fucking not on a.
16:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think when I read this, this is just
16:42
Speaker 2: where my brain kind of instantly went. Anyways, is so
16:46
Speaker 2: she said husband, right, And when you hear the word husband,
16:49
Speaker 2: you think, like, you know, they've gone through the process
16:51
Speaker 2: of committing and like saying I will be with you
16:53
Speaker 2: till death, doeel's part through sickness and through health all that,
16:57
Speaker 2: and like when there's the word like husband and wife,
16:59
Speaker 2: like you think it's it's just so like it understand
17:01
Speaker 2: it's a huge thing. Yes, it is a huge thing.
17:05
Speaker 1: But like.
17:07
Speaker 2: Let's say he was just your boyfriend and he was
17:10
Speaker 2: doing these things, you wouldn't have married him, no, you know,
17:14
Speaker 2: so like what's the difference between like where like where's
17:19
Speaker 2: the line of like how many chances do you give him?
17:22
Speaker 1: It's like in sickness and in health or when a
17:25
Speaker 1: fourteen year younger blonde Bardi comes along. Yeah, like come on,
17:30
Speaker 1: I think the amount of disrespect manipulation. We'll never tell
17:34
Speaker 1: anyone to break up with someone on the pod, but
17:37
Speaker 1: the fact that he's like gaslighting you to making it
17:40
Speaker 1: feel like you're the problem.
17:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, so definitely, well, definitely have to point out.
17:44
Speaker 3: That he is gas lighting you.
17:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you feel okay when whenever someone comes
17:50
Speaker 1: to like even say let's give him the benefit of doubt,
17:54
Speaker 1: which I don't think we should. If you come to
17:56
Speaker 1: your partner saying all these things you're doing are making
17:59
Speaker 1: me feel this way and he says you're overreacting, that
18:04
Speaker 1: is the most terrible response ever. You can't say that
18:07
Speaker 1: to a person that's just devaluing your emotions.
18:10
Speaker 3: That's yeah, your your emotions are not valid in his lifes.
18:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, like fuck you and because and the reason they're
18:17
Speaker 2: not valid is because he fucking.
18:21
Speaker 3: Doesn't give a fuck.
18:22
Speaker 1: And even if he wasn't cheating, he's disrespecting you with
18:25
Speaker 1: the sheer amount of time he's spending with her and
18:28
Speaker 1: communication with her when he's in it, when he's fucking
18:31
Speaker 1: married to you. Dumb.
18:33
Speaker 2: Look, I think like from my perspective that like, I
18:42
Speaker 2: just hate every single thing that I read, like, I
18:45
Speaker 2: really hate it. It's very much like just sounds very
18:49
Speaker 2: much like emotional Ah yeah, just emotional manipulation. And like
18:57
Speaker 2: I know, I'm sure there's like a million good things
19:00
Speaker 2: you could say about your husband as the reason why
19:02
Speaker 2: you married him or or this stuff.
19:04
Speaker 3: I don't know though.
19:05
Speaker 2: It just it's just like I think that if it
19:07
Speaker 2: didn't start with my husband and it started with my boyfriend,
19:10
Speaker 2: this would be a scenario.
19:11
Speaker 3: I would be like, oh no, percent break up with him.
19:13
Speaker 3: So I don't know why.
19:14
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's the question you should ask yourself the
19:17
Speaker 1: person who's sending this to the lemma is if you
19:20
Speaker 1: weren't married and had that title, would you break up
19:23
Speaker 1: with him? And if your answers yes, maybe you say
19:28
Speaker 1: fucking call him out in his bullshit. But like, you
19:29
Speaker 1: can't be treating me this way. I deserve better. You
19:32
Speaker 1: obviously don't value me.
19:34
Speaker 3: He's the thing. It sounds like he doesn't give a shit.
19:36
Speaker 3: Ah yeah, and he's really he doesn't give a ship.
19:39
Speaker 1: Well yeah, he's a strategy. He's got a young girl
19:41
Speaker 1: in front of him, so he's just gonna It's bad
19:43
Speaker 1: too because if she breaks off breaks it off, she's
19:46
Speaker 1: heartbroken and lonely, whereas he's just going to go and
19:49
Speaker 1: have sex with his cheek. Yeah, so she can't really win.
19:53
Speaker 2: But look, I mean I think look, yes, I don't
19:56
Speaker 2: think that there's a win in this for the person.
19:59
Speaker 2: That's say, the dilemma in apart from the fact that
20:02
Speaker 2: you know three years down the track you will be
20:05
Speaker 2: recovered from the heartbreak is the wind.
20:09
Speaker 1: You call him out and your bullshit, make him realize
20:11
Speaker 1: that your emotions are valid. Yeah, and hopefully he somehow
20:15
Speaker 1: proves that he's not cheating on you and then respects
20:18
Speaker 1: your feelings and takes a step back from this. Learn't
20:22
Speaker 1: call it a relationship with this coworker, and then your
20:27
Speaker 1: relationship can be healed with him. That's the win if
20:31
Speaker 1: you're willing to do that. And what I dare say
20:33
Speaker 1: what happened is still stand up for yourself, call him
20:36
Speaker 1: out in his bullshit, validate like you don't have to,
20:38
Speaker 1: but validate your emotions to him and say these are valid,
20:40
Speaker 1: stop fucking manipulating me, and then realize that he's cheating.
20:44
Speaker 3: I had an answer to a dilemma the other day
20:46
Speaker 3: that I thought was good.
20:46
Speaker 2: I don't know if it imply if it applies to
20:48
Speaker 2: this as well, But what do you think of like
20:51
Speaker 2: if she was to go to him and just be like, look,
20:55
Speaker 2: this is this is like so bullshit that it's a joke, right,
20:58
Speaker 2: this is like you invalidate my feelings so much that
21:03
Speaker 2: it's like actually laughable, Like it's actually a joke.
21:07
Speaker 3: I just want you to know.
21:10
Speaker 2: I am not going to be putting up with this, like,
21:14
Speaker 2: and I like, do you think that applies to this one? Like,
21:16
Speaker 2: I just I just want you to know that I
21:18
Speaker 2: am actually I will not be putting up with this.
21:20
Speaker 2: And so however way you decide to take that is
21:23
Speaker 2: how you decide to take it. It's up to you
21:26
Speaker 2: to fix this, but I will not be putting up
21:29
Speaker 2: with it.
21:29
Speaker 1: I think that puts yourself first.
21:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think that? Do you think that that
21:32
Speaker 2: applies the same way.
21:33
Speaker 1: The other the other day a certain extent? Yeah, that's
21:36
Speaker 1: like I think that puts yourself first, puts the ball
21:39
Speaker 1: in he's court and he's got to make a decision. Yeah,
21:43
Speaker 1: but I think maybe you owe that to yourself. It's
21:45
Speaker 1: not bad of us at all.
21:46
Speaker 2: I think, Yeah, I don't know. I think it would
21:47
Speaker 2: just would suck to say, but I bet you would be.
21:50
Speaker 1: Fucking and I bet it. Yeah, it feel good because
21:53
Speaker 1: of how this guy's treated you to like just stand
21:56
Speaker 1: up for yourself even if the result isn't good. If
21:59
Speaker 1: you stand up for yourself and you did that for
22:00
Speaker 1: yourself and tell them how you feel. But no, this
22:02
Speaker 1: is how I feel, and this is I'm not going
22:05
Speaker 1: to cop any of this anymore. I bet you they'll
22:07
Speaker 1: feel good. That's a win too.
22:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like he's gonna try and fight it and make
22:10
Speaker 2: you feel like shit, make your feelings gaslight you. Now
22:12
Speaker 2: he'll gaslight you, and then you're just gonna have to
22:14
Speaker 2: be like no, no, no, I told you, like, I'm
22:16
Speaker 2: not arguing with you. Yeah, this is a statement. This
22:19
Speaker 2: is a statement, not a question. Yeah, I'm not I'm
22:20
Speaker 2: not starting an argument. I will not be talking about
22:23
Speaker 2: it further. All you need to know is I will
22:25
Speaker 2: not be putting in with this.
22:27
Speaker 1: How we talked about in another episode, how to bring
22:29
Speaker 1: up tough conversations and start with that topic sentence and
22:32
Speaker 1: say I am not copying this anymore. You make me
22:35
Speaker 1: feel this way in the first two sentences. Yeah, and
22:37
Speaker 1: then just go from there so he gets all the
22:39
Speaker 1: information before we can.
22:40
Speaker 3: Gas like you fuck it's fools today.
22:42
Speaker 1: Next dilemma. Alrighty, not a relationship question, but probably the
22:46
Speaker 1: question all the ladies wonder about. So, first of all,
22:50
Speaker 1: Love the Pod. When I started running to you, guys,
22:53
Speaker 1: I cut five minutes off my time. I don't know why,
22:57
Speaker 1: but time is this flying. Let's go fun with you guys.
23:00
Speaker 1: So my question is to how boys really think about
23:04
Speaker 1: girls and their bodies. Personally, I am a girl who
23:07
Speaker 1: is absolutely flat regarding my top half, like like Mosquito
23:13
Speaker 1: bites flat. Although I am lucky to have a bit
23:16
Speaker 1: more to offer when it comes to the booty, I
23:19
Speaker 1: am still really I am still really insecure when it
23:22
Speaker 1: comes to my boobs when being intimate with someone. I
23:25
Speaker 1: know I shouldn't care about it, but I can't control
23:28
Speaker 1: those things. But hearing boys can sistently talk about girls' bodies,
23:31
Speaker 1: it's quite hard not to think about it. Of course,
23:34
Speaker 1: it comes down to preference. But do boys really care
23:36
Speaker 1: about how much is up there? Or it just sounds
23:40
Speaker 1: like they do just by the way boys talk. Again,
23:42
Speaker 1: Love the Pod.
23:45
Speaker 3: Let me think about this for a second.
23:46
Speaker 2: Actually, like, like an easy cop out answer is no,
23:51
Speaker 2: we don't care.
23:52
Speaker 3: But I'm trying to think of an equivalent for females.
23:56
Speaker 1: No, I got the answer. Nice guys don't care. Those
24:02
Speaker 1: misogynistic god complex useholes we are talking about who see
24:05
Speaker 1: girls as objects do care.
24:07
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeh yeah.
24:09
Speaker 1: So we can't put like a broad statement over all
24:12
Speaker 1: guys saying they don't care, because some guys really really
24:16
Speaker 1: do care.
24:16
Speaker 3: Some guys might care.
24:17
Speaker 1: But a nice guy talking from I don't like calling
24:22
Speaker 1: myself a nice guy.
24:23
Speaker 3: A nice guy you don't want.
24:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, But from my experience talking to girls, I fall
24:30
Speaker 1: in love with the personality and like the essence of
24:34
Speaker 1: the person and I fall in love with like that
24:38
Speaker 1: person as a whole big boob, small boobs, big bump,
24:41
Speaker 1: small bum and then like I'm in love with this
24:44
Speaker 1: person and it's just them as a whole. It's like
24:48
Speaker 1: a whole thing. It's like a whole package.
24:49
Speaker 3: Here's one way to put it.
24:52
Speaker 2: Is the person that you want to be with, right,
24:59
Speaker 2: isn't in tested in you for your features?
25:03
Speaker 3: True?
25:03
Speaker 1: That's a good way to say it.
25:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, Just like you know, I don't think girls don't
25:11
Speaker 2: speak about it as widely as men, which and the
25:13
Speaker 2: fact that men do talk about it and they really
25:16
Speaker 2: objectify it is just the worst that it is very
25:19
Speaker 2: very shit, right, But I mean the thing I was
25:22
Speaker 2: trying to think about was like, Okay, I don't know
25:26
Speaker 2: if this even applies and all, just trying to think
25:28
Speaker 2: of it, like if if girl, I mean girls like
25:34
Speaker 2: a decent sized dick, you know, thinking about it, right,
25:37
Speaker 2: like so for a girl like but I.
25:40
Speaker 1: Think that's different though, because that helps sex. I mean, yeah,
25:43
Speaker 1: I guess, but like, Okay.
25:46
Speaker 2: If you wanted a guy with a big dick, but
25:50
Speaker 2: you met a guy that you fucking really liked just
25:54
Speaker 2: so happens it wasn't very big, like you probably wouldn't care.
25:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, you wouldn't.
25:59
Speaker 3: Does that make sense?
26:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, here's a good way to look at it.
26:05
Speaker 1: A nice guy falls in love with your characteristics as
26:08
Speaker 1: a person, yeah, and an asshole will fall in love
26:12
Speaker 1: with what your body has to offer. So because you're
26:17
Speaker 1: part of the itty bitty titty committee, yeah, you have
26:21
Speaker 1: a little bit of a superpower in a way, because
26:22
Speaker 1: if this guy's generally they're falling for you, he's like
26:29
Speaker 1: falling in love for your essence.
26:31
Speaker 3: It's a good question.
26:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think like that's going to cross out
26:35
Speaker 1: a lot of dudes who are just like Oh yeah,
26:37
Speaker 1: it's been for a big thake titty.
26:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
26:39
Speaker 2: So wait, what was a real question? It was like
26:41
Speaker 2: what do guys like, do guys actually care? Some guys do,
26:45
Speaker 2: some guys do, and some guys don't. Just like how
26:49
Speaker 2: some girls, some girls care if a guy has money
26:52
Speaker 2: some guy. Some girls care if a guy needs to
26:55
Speaker 2: be over six foot. Some dudes care if you have
26:58
Speaker 2: big or small tits. Us we don't. And there is
27:03
Speaker 2: a lot of people out there that are like us
27:05
Speaker 2: that would prefer to go for someone that they actually
27:07
Speaker 2: see like a future with and like you don't. Yeah,
27:11
Speaker 2: it's it's a good question, but it's like an easy
27:14
Speaker 2: answered question if that makes sense.
27:17
Speaker 1: Do one thing that I've thought about before. If I
27:19
Speaker 1: was a girl, I would actually way prefer small boobs,
27:23
Speaker 1: like they fucked for your back and like just like
27:26
Speaker 1: running and like any type of activity, gun on the gym,
27:28
Speaker 1: Like it's just like it would be so like.
27:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, can I say something If I had the option,
27:34
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have a ball sack.
27:35
Speaker 3: It's a thing that's hanging off my body.
27:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the same thing.
27:38
Speaker 3: And they do look it.
27:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:40
Speaker 3: I will also say one more thing. It sounds like
27:43
Speaker 3: you make up for it with your eyes.
27:46
Speaker 1: You're cheering. Also, there's another thing there. Guys are bum guys,
27:50
Speaker 1: there's boob guys, there's different guys everything. And I think,
27:55
Speaker 1: no matter what, when you find the nice guy that
27:57
Speaker 1: you're looking for, that's the only thing that matters is
28:00
Speaker 1: he's trying to fall in love with everything you've got
28:02
Speaker 1: to offer, not just one individual thing. Look.
28:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, me personally never ever looked at it like that,
28:08
Speaker 2: Like it's never been like a game changer if you
28:12
Speaker 2: meet I've never met somebody gone on a date and
28:14
Speaker 2: like looked at their chest and thought really small and
28:16
Speaker 2: thought that won't be a second date.
28:18
Speaker 3: Like, it's not how we think. It's not how we think.
28:23
Speaker 2: Again, to reiterate on what you said, it is probably
28:26
Speaker 2: how some guys think. But that's not the guy.
28:29
Speaker 1: You want to be with, not at all. Nah. No,
28:32
Speaker 1: I just don't see how a guy would think that either, Like.
28:35
Speaker 2: How No, I can't wrap.
28:36
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be er. How are you consciously on a
28:38
Speaker 1: date You're having a great time, having some good conversations,
28:40
Speaker 1: and you're like, he's going to be a second one
28:42
Speaker 1: of that chest?
28:42
Speaker 3: WHOA?
28:43
Speaker 1: How's that a thing? I don't get a day. No, no,
28:46
Speaker 1: I don't get it, and I don't get where like
28:49
Speaker 1: we went wrong in objectifying girls bodies like that. I
28:53
Speaker 1: don't get it, Like the porn industry fucked it, like
28:56
Speaker 1: I don't understand. Yeah, I don't get it. Messed up, man,
29:01
Speaker 1: messed up?
29:03
Speaker 3: All right, this one, this is a this one's kind
29:08
Speaker 3: of funny. I'm gonna read it.
29:09
Speaker 2: And then about three down there was a follow up
29:11
Speaker 2: from this person. I'm recently single after a four year relationship,
29:15
Speaker 2: and my friends have been trying to set me up
29:17
Speaker 2: with their guy friend. Both during and after the four
29:20
Speaker 2: year relationship. My friends have continued to make jokes about
29:24
Speaker 2: us hooking up and all that as well. Fast forward
29:28
Speaker 2: to a few weeks ago when we did hook up
29:31
Speaker 2: multiple times by the way out one night with friends
29:35
Speaker 2: and it was caught on camera.
29:37
Speaker 1: By the club pap.
29:39
Speaker 3: I have evidence.
29:42
Speaker 2: Since then, I have tried to shoot my shot through
29:45
Speaker 2: messaging the first two times, which he replied with some enthusiasm.
29:50
Speaker 2: He has since been over to our house with just
29:53
Speaker 2: me and my friend and her partner, and him and
29:55
Speaker 2: me were in a convo about that we weren't doing
29:59
Speaker 2: much for the Friday evening me again trying to shoot
30:02
Speaker 2: my shot. After talking with my friends, they said he
30:07
Speaker 2: seems keen, but it's just a little shy and awkward.
30:11
Speaker 2: This has happened over the last three Fridays, which is
30:15
Speaker 2: also so weird.
30:16
Speaker 1: Haha.
30:17
Speaker 2: My dilemma is am I delulu for wanting to keep
30:19
Speaker 2: shooting my shot? Or should I just wait until slash?
30:22
Speaker 2: If he does?
30:24
Speaker 3: The answer there was the follow up made me laugh.
30:27
Speaker 2: Hi me again from the dilemma about the guy I
30:30
Speaker 2: was waiting to hear back from after shooting my shot twice,
30:33
Speaker 2: we fucked, he stayed over, took me on a date,
30:37
Speaker 2: and now we're all good. You guys must be gods
30:40
Speaker 2: or something. So thanks, we're doing I see. Here's the
30:47
Speaker 2: thing is like new Yeah, like so this one was
30:51
Speaker 2: sent in and then like a couple days later, this
30:52
Speaker 2: one was sent like the bottom was sent in and
30:54
Speaker 2: I was like.
30:55
Speaker 1: You know what happened? Oh, she manifested it by saying
30:58
Speaker 1: it into the world. Yeah, manifestation, I truly believe.
31:02
Speaker 2: I was like, this has to be going with this dilemma.
31:05
Speaker 2: There's no other dilemma where I was.
31:06
Speaker 3: Like, did someone shoot their shot twice? I was like, no,
31:08
Speaker 3: this has to be with thishi.
31:09
Speaker 1: We fucked.
31:11
Speaker 2: Hey, so yeah, we fucked. It took me on a date.
31:14
Speaker 2: We're all good, Yeah, and I was like fuck.
31:17
Speaker 1: To be fair, that's relatable. I remember back when I
31:19
Speaker 1: was single, Like, I was so scared to initiate that
31:21
Speaker 1: first move, especially if it was a Friday night and
31:23
Speaker 1: like all you want to do is hard sex. Yeah,
31:25
Speaker 1: like I was never making that move. I was scared.
31:28
Speaker 3: But John, I'll do my actual dilemma.
31:30
Speaker 2: Okay, my boyfriend of six plus years stayed over in
31:36
Speaker 2: another girl's hotel room for two nights whilst out of
31:40
Speaker 2: country on a work trip. Nothing except clothes on, spooning,
31:46
Speaker 2: a kiss on the head, and hand holding happened.
31:49
Speaker 1: Nothing.
31:50
Speaker 3: Wait, I think this is it.
31:53
Speaker 2: Sorry, I think this is both physical and emotional cheating.
31:59
Speaker 2: All his friends have called it subjective and done nothing wrong.
32:05
Speaker 2: Therefore that's his narrative, and he doesn't understand why I
32:10
Speaker 2: can't get over it.
32:12
Speaker 1: Is that the whole dilemma?
32:13
Speaker 3: Yeah?
32:14
Speaker 1: Subjective? This is fucking facts. This is emotional and physical cheating.
32:20
Speaker 3: That is cheating.
32:22
Speaker 1: Subjective? In what world is that subjective?
32:25
Speaker 3: You're being manipulated by a fucking group of men. Yeah,
32:29
Speaker 3: break up with him.
32:30
Speaker 1: This is the classic pack mentality that men have.
32:34
Speaker 3: That like they've convinced him that he did nothing wrong.
32:37
Speaker 1: Yes, And this is the thing that we're trying to
32:38
Speaker 1: change with this whole podcast is like when men are
32:42
Speaker 1: erring groups, they somehow justify their actions when they do
32:47
Speaker 1: these terrible things like cheat, cat call. They fucking objectify women.
32:51
Speaker 1: They say, oh, wouldn't I like to fuck her? Like
32:53
Speaker 1: shit like that, and they think it's okay because there's
32:56
Speaker 1: all these other men say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck
32:58
Speaker 1: you didn't cheat, mate, when that's completely wrong. So he's
33:01
Speaker 1: the validation that you're looking for. Your boyfriend is a cheater.
33:06
Speaker 1: Your boyfriend cheated on you, yeah, and you are valid
33:09
Speaker 1: to feel all these feelings you're feeling. I genuinely believe.
33:13
Speaker 2: Okay, if you broke up with your boyfriend, okay, for
33:18
Speaker 2: cheating on you, by the way, if you when you
33:20
Speaker 2: went so win, Okay, if you break up with your
33:22
Speaker 2: boyfriend and then someone in a.
33:24
Speaker 1: For some people get over cheating and some people are.
33:26
Speaker 2: Tat if he apologizes, if you want to get over it,
33:29
Speaker 2: but he needs to actually see what he did was wrong.
33:31
Speaker 3: Yeah he doesn't know.
33:32
Speaker 2: But okay, Let's say, if you break up with your
33:34
Speaker 2: boyfriend and then someone says, oh, how's your where we going?
33:39
Speaker 2: You're like, how are we actually break up? She's like, oh,
33:41
Speaker 2: so sorry, Oh what happened? He cheated on me? Oh?
33:44
Speaker 1: Really?
33:45
Speaker 2: And then you're like, yeah, he was on a work
33:47
Speaker 2: trip and he actually stayed in a hotel room with
33:51
Speaker 2: a girl that he works with for two nights.
33:53
Speaker 3: But and they were like spooning.
33:56
Speaker 2: They didn't have sex or anything, but they like spooned
33:58
Speaker 2: and like kiss on the forehead and stuff like.
34:01
Speaker 1: That's what.
34:01
Speaker 2: That's all he told me. No person that is like
34:05
Speaker 2: of a normal brain is going to say.
34:07
Speaker 3: Oh, why do you break up with him? He didn't
34:09
Speaker 3: actually chill. You're like, what the fuck?
34:11
Speaker 1: I'm just looking up subjective meaning and what the exact definition?
34:15
Speaker 3: Yeah?
34:16
Speaker 2: Did they even use that? Correct subjective way? Subjective means
34:20
Speaker 2: here we go.
34:20
Speaker 1: This is so manipulative. Subjective refers to something based on
34:24
Speaker 1: personal feelings, opinions, experiences, or perspective rather than objective facts.
34:29
Speaker 1: It is influenced by an individual's emotions or viewpoints, making
34:33
Speaker 1: it unique to that person.
34:35
Speaker 2: They didn't even use the definition of subject They didn't
34:38
Speaker 2: use the words subjective.
34:39
Speaker 1: Correctly if because what they believe they said they did
34:43
Speaker 1: use it right, which is completely wrong. Though.
34:45
Speaker 2: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait I feel okay, well,
34:47
Speaker 2: that's that's pure and outright.
34:49
Speaker 1: It's maniplative. Yeah, that's like outright manipulation because.
34:54
Speaker 2: It's they are trying to say that, okay, so he
34:58
Speaker 2: cheated on you. They trying to say, in their opinion,
35:01
Speaker 2: he didn't cheat. That's like saying, okay, what if there
35:04
Speaker 2: was dick in vagina action?
35:05
Speaker 3: But they were like, well, in.
35:07
Speaker 2: Our opinion, because it was in a different country, it
35:09
Speaker 2: doesn't counter cheating.
35:10
Speaker 3: So it's all subjective. That's not subjective.
35:12
Speaker 1: No, no, well, basically what they're saying is what you
35:16
Speaker 1: believe is wrong. That's what the fuck is insane? Yes,
35:22
Speaker 1: what was the what did she want out of us?
35:24
Speaker 2: I think she was just telling us she probably wants
35:25
Speaker 2: us to hyper up, to break up with him.
35:27
Speaker 1: Oh, well you should do that, you know what.
35:30
Speaker 2: No. I feel like what she wants is validation that
35:31
Speaker 2: it was cheating, and for us you get that validation.
35:33
Speaker 1: Percent And I think this plus year is crazy, six
35:37
Speaker 1: years I've forgot about that. This like really highlights that
35:41
Speaker 1: pack mentality. Also that it's always hard when you don't
35:46
Speaker 1: like your boyfriend's friends. But to me, the way that
35:51
Speaker 1: they've sided with him in this, it's probably something I
35:55
Speaker 1: personally couldn't come back from knowing that they're always going
35:58
Speaker 1: to say he's in the right, which they friends do that,
36:02
Speaker 1: but this is so one sided that they're like all
36:05
Speaker 1: manipulating you. Just yeah, only you know what to do.
36:08
Speaker 1: But I think you've got the validation you needed. He
36:11
Speaker 1: cheated to the amount of disrespect on that and then
36:14
Speaker 1: continuing by gas lighting.
36:15
Speaker 2: You if you want more validation, I tell you where
36:18
Speaker 2: to go, like if you need if you just like
36:21
Speaker 2: feel like the validation from.
36:22
Speaker 3: Us is good, but I just need a bit more.
36:25
Speaker 3: Fuck it and not to plug it.
36:27
Speaker 2: But if she sent this anonymously into the Facebook group,
36:30
Speaker 2: the amount of people that would comment like that is cheating.
36:34
Speaker 1: I thought it was going to say like slept on
36:36
Speaker 1: a friend a girlfriend's couch like the one night, but
36:39
Speaker 1: all that other shit, and I still would call that cheating.
36:41
Speaker 1: Like the amount of disrespect this is also like highlights
36:44
Speaker 1: the you probably shouldn't have to have this conversation. But
36:50
Speaker 1: for anyone else out there who's got a partner like
36:54
Speaker 1: draw the line where cheating is before it happens.
36:56
Speaker 3: Like, I don't think they should fuck me.
37:00
Speaker 2: You shouldn't have to start a relationship and be like, well,
37:02
Speaker 2: what's your definition of cheating?
37:04
Speaker 1: But I think that's healthy because there's been good for us, Like,
37:07
Speaker 1: that's such a dumb thing to do. True, But some
37:09
Speaker 1: girls have boyfriends like this who think spooning, kissing on
37:14
Speaker 1: the forehead, holding hands, sleeping overy night for two nights
37:16
Speaker 1: isn't cheating. What do you mean? You have showers in
37:18
Speaker 1: there and shit, and you're fucking naked all the time,
37:20
Speaker 1: Like what do you just.
37:21
Speaker 3: Like to point out that there was one more than that?
37:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy. But also but also he's like, also,
37:29
Speaker 1: I don't like how he's obviously what he's done terrible,
37:31
Speaker 1: but he's planted a seed of doubt in your mind
37:33
Speaker 1: that he didn't have sex.
37:36
Speaker 3: Ask yourself if you can trust him?
37:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't. No, I couldn't. Which is so if
37:40
Speaker 1: you think you're like I can't trust him on being
37:42
Speaker 1: too much? No, you know I couldn't trust me either.
37:45
Speaker 1: Fuck that al right, next dilemma, do I have the
37:50
Speaker 1: biggest dilemma ever? We'll answer that the girls think we
37:55
Speaker 1: need help from the in quotes the pros. Oh shit,
38:02
Speaker 1: I'm currently in a five year relationship. We have been
38:06
Speaker 1: together since I was fifteen and he was seventeen. I
38:09
Speaker 1: love him and all that jazz, but I have been
38:15
Speaker 1: with him since I was fifteen. I don't know any different,
38:19
Speaker 1: and I kind of want to dilemma. My friend's brother
38:24
Speaker 1: is rather attractive to me. Nothing has come from it
38:29
Speaker 1: or anything, but whenever I see him, I get thrown
38:34
Speaker 1: into a whirlwind of do I want to be single
38:37
Speaker 1: or stay in a relationship. Please keep me anonymous on
38:41
Speaker 1: the pod, but if you have any questions, can you
38:43
Speaker 1: message me and ask? And then she said her name.
38:45
Speaker 1: Please help a girl out. I'm up and down and
38:48
Speaker 1: around and around even more. This little brain can't handle it.
38:53
Speaker 3: Whah, come on here, Okay this actually I think this
39:02
Speaker 3: is a relatable dilemma.
39:03
Speaker 1: I think so too. It's talking about what we were
39:05
Speaker 1: talking about on Monday in a relationship perspective, the grass
39:09
Speaker 1: is always greener. You're saying, like you've only known your
39:13
Speaker 1: boyfriend and like, in a sense, that's also like is
39:17
Speaker 1: something else better or is it different? What does it
39:21
Speaker 1: feel like? And that's like human nature.
39:23
Speaker 3: At its core or one hundred percent.
39:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that is so relatable and you're human to
39:31
Speaker 1: have that feeling, and I think it's tricky.
39:37
Speaker 2: I don't think you're a bad person for having fantasies. No, no,
39:44
Speaker 2: But what you have to ask yourself is.
39:48
Speaker 1: How much do you value your boyfriend?
39:51
Speaker 3: Yeah?
39:52
Speaker 2: Good question. So you're twenty, she said, she's really fifteen
39:55
Speaker 2: five years, so you're twenty. Obviously he was your first
39:59
Speaker 2: for everything because you said yep, or you've known.
40:02
Speaker 1: He couldn't know you're having these thoughts either.
40:04
Speaker 3: No, no, no, never been this up. It's okay to have
40:07
Speaker 3: these thoughts, but just never voice them.
40:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, And honestly, this happens a lot in relationships. Is
40:12
Speaker 1: this exact thing happens maybe not five years but high
40:15
Speaker 1: school sweetheart's perfect for each other and they're having the
40:18
Speaker 1: best time ever. Everything's great, just assuming everything's great, and
40:22
Speaker 1: then one of you thinks, oh, maybe I want to
40:24
Speaker 1: sleep with someone else because I've only ever had sex
40:26
Speaker 1: with this person. They do it. It's not what they
40:29
Speaker 1: thought it would be, and they realize what they have
40:31
Speaker 1: was really special, but they ruined it. And I don't
40:34
Speaker 1: want this to happen to you.
40:35
Speaker 2: No, But it's so hard.
40:37
Speaker 1: But I'm also saying that there's no way of knowing
40:41
Speaker 1: you just basically maybe write a little pros and cons
40:43
Speaker 1: list of like it sounds so simple everything your boyfriend
40:47
Speaker 1: has to offer. If it's this perfect relationship where you
40:49
Speaker 1: could spend the rest of your life with him, obviously
40:51
Speaker 1: don't sleep with him. But if there's all these problems
40:53
Speaker 1: in there that, like the little things that are adding up,
40:56
Speaker 1: maybe assess the problems and if you can't deal with them,
40:59
Speaker 1: break up with him, sleep with him and sleep with
41:00
Speaker 1: someone else because you have an these thoughts. The thoughts
41:02
Speaker 1: are valid. But if he's this perfect guy, definitely don't
41:06
Speaker 1: do it and don't sprow away something that's so special
41:08
Speaker 1: to you. But only you can make up that decision
41:10
Speaker 1: in your mind.
41:11
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, look, I don't know.
41:13
Speaker 2: I mean fuck thinking about like I'm just like, as
41:16
Speaker 2: you were saying that, I was just thinking, like, imagine
41:17
Speaker 2: your fucking like Beth is just like at work making
41:24
Speaker 2: a pros and cons list because she thinks she wants
41:28
Speaker 2: to fuck another dude.
41:29
Speaker 1: Is it too late? Okay?
41:33
Speaker 2: But here's what I think, genuinely right, it is your life, Okay.
41:46
Speaker 3: In the end, like genuinely. You know, you're twenty twenty
41:52
Speaker 3: years old. It actually doesn't really matter what you do
41:59
Speaker 3: as long as you are okay with what you do.
42:03
Speaker 3: M whatever decision you make.
42:07
Speaker 2: Okay, let's say you choose to stay with your boyfriend.
42:13
Speaker 2: Do not ever ever make that his problem, Okay, because
42:18
Speaker 2: you have chosen to stay with him. Yeah, that's what
42:20
Speaker 2: I trying to say, Like, don't get resentment because you
42:24
Speaker 2: chose to stay with him and not go fuck this guy.
42:28
Speaker 2: But if you go the other way and you're like,
42:32
Speaker 2: fuck it, I want a bit of freedom. I'm twenty
42:34
Speaker 2: everyone does. We wouldn't judge you for wanting that. It
42:37
Speaker 2: is what it is, as long as you do the
42:38
Speaker 2: right thing by your boyfriend and break up with him
42:41
Speaker 2: before it happens. And then you do go fuck this
42:44
Speaker 2: guy and it sucks and you're like, ah shit, and
42:51
Speaker 2: then you're going through the breakup.
42:52
Speaker 1: It might also be like what you wanted.
42:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, if it's regardless, but yeah, but like if it
42:56
Speaker 2: sucks and and you're kind of like.
43:00
Speaker 3: Fuck, like shit, my boyfriend is actually pretty good. I
43:04
Speaker 3: miss him.
43:06
Speaker 2: You have to sit with the fact that you chose
43:08
Speaker 2: to leave him because you can't go fucking around with
43:10
Speaker 2: his feelings because it's not fair. So yeah, what I'm
43:14
Speaker 2: saying is it doesn't really like it doesn't matter to
43:17
Speaker 2: anyone apart from you. I understand that your boyfriend's gonna
43:19
Speaker 2: be hurt if you break up, but like you have
43:22
Speaker 2: to go through with it, and you have to go
43:24
Speaker 2: through that door and close it behind you.
43:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that answer, bet of mine.
43:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's what That's just what I think.
43:32
Speaker 1: Like, No, it's also playing on the fact that it's
43:38
Speaker 1: also okay. I want to say it's okay to not
43:41
Speaker 1: want to be with someone even if they are a
43:44
Speaker 1: good a good person. It's like playing on what we
43:47
Speaker 1: talked about the other day, like feeling sad when everything's good.
43:51
Speaker 1: Like I feel like a lot of people think they
43:53
Speaker 1: have to have something wrong with their partner to break
43:55
Speaker 1: up with them. That's a good point, a yeah, when
43:59
Speaker 1: like it's okay two want more for yourself even when
44:06
Speaker 1: you have a really good partner and realize that he
44:08
Speaker 1: can't give you what you want. It's a hard thing
44:11
Speaker 1: to accept.
44:11
Speaker 3: It's a very mature thing to find out.
44:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like you just have to explain that to
44:17
Speaker 1: your partner when you break up. With him. But I
44:20
Speaker 1: think that's okay as well. Like at I fully agree,
44:22
Speaker 1: a lot of people just think there has to be
44:24
Speaker 1: a reason and they stand in a relationship because of that.
44:26
Speaker 1: But what Jake said, whether it's going on, what's this?
44:28
Speaker 1: What's the saying like, whatever cake you bake, you have
44:31
Speaker 1: to eat it? Is that right?
44:34
Speaker 3: Whatever cake you bake you have to eat it.
44:36
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's right or you made your head.
44:38
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you've got to sleep in the bed,
44:40
Speaker 2: You've made that type of one. But if you whatever
44:43
Speaker 2: cake you bake, you gotta eat the same thing.
44:45
Speaker 1: It's one I don't know if I came out that
44:47
Speaker 1: one I have, I had something else someone to say,
44:51
Speaker 1: like fuck, what was it?
44:54
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, one more thing is like.
44:56
Speaker 2: It's also very normal to go through phases in a
44:58
Speaker 2: relationship where you dislike your partner.
45:00
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
45:02
Speaker 2: That's not trying to tell you how you're currently feeling,
45:04
Speaker 2: but it is like I like to reassure people that
45:06
Speaker 2: that's the thing that.
45:07
Speaker 1: I'll finish the whole episode on another analogy, because I've
45:10
Speaker 1: got him in my head. You can either make your
45:13
Speaker 1: bed with him in it, or you can make your
45:18
Speaker 1: bed by yourself with someone else sleeping in it?
45:22
Speaker 3: What the fuck was that was terrible?
45:26
Speaker 1: Come on, well that makes sense.
45:27
Speaker 2: You literally didn't actually have that thought out until it
45:30
Speaker 2: started coming out of your mouth.
45:31
Speaker 1: Did you start was good?
45:32
Speaker 2: No?
45:33
Speaker 1: I had the start bit where it was.
45:34
Speaker 3: Like, so you thought yourself is what happened with you
45:38
Speaker 3: in your head was?
45:39
Speaker 1: Oh, you can make your bed with him in it.
45:41
Speaker 3: That's good.
45:42
Speaker 1: There's got to be something off that.
45:43
Speaker 3: I'll start talking and see what.
45:46
Speaker 1: Let me go for the second. So you can even
45:48
Speaker 1: make it, make your bed with your boyfriend in it? Oh,
45:54
Speaker 1: you can get this couple? Or yeah you maybe this
46:03
Speaker 1: is no, this isn't. Maybe you you don't make your
46:06
Speaker 1: bed for a while until you figure out what you
46:09
Speaker 1: want A fuck me, good eye, Mike or d You're welcome.
46:29
Speaker 1: See I bet that help