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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 31 - The Cult of Ascension · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

0:00
[MUSIC PLAYING]
0:10
Hello, weary traveler.
0:12
I'm not sure what strange magic must have brought you here,
0:15
but you have stepped into a realm of my creation,
0:19
a sprawling city filled with danger and glory,
0:22
and most importantly, lots of gold.
0:25
I call it, Ilanumis.
0:28
Who am I?
0:28
You might ask.
0:30
The name is Jarjir, and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
0:34
Long story short, this group of idiots,
0:37
or as you may call them, heroes, made a bet with me
0:41
that they had when it took to make a mass trove of gold,
0:44
but left some of the key details blank.
0:47
So I filled them in myself.
0:50
I sent them to this pocket dimension,
0:52
into the city I had created with brand new bodies
0:56
they have to attune to.
0:58
Can these fools pass my test, or will they
1:00
be trapped here forever?
1:03
So experience my world of trials and tribulations,
1:07
and join alongside this posse of pitiful people,
1:10
or as I like to call them, the criminals of Ilanumis.
1:16
Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of The
1:18
Criminals of Ilanumis.
1:20
Well, it's not the podcast, or the sessions of your heroes,
1:23
but Criminals of Ilanumis is the show
1:25
that we're doing right now, which
1:26
is a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play podcast
1:30
set in the homebrewed world of Ilanumis,
1:33
where one, two, three, four, five people at the table with me
1:37
were dropped to actually-- that's not entirely true.
1:39
Four of them were dropped in.
1:40
One of them was already there, but whatever the case,
1:43
have been put on a mission from the deity of this pocket
1:46
world dimension thingy to accumulate
1:50
a total of a million gold pieces,
1:53
or be trapped here forever.
1:57
I just don't want you guys to lose sight of that.
1:58
With that being said, let's introduce the players.
2:01
To my right, we got Dave, who plays Maki.
2:06
Yep, I play Maki.
2:08
That he does.
2:09
And he's a shadowy sorcerer who also recently hit the gym.
2:16
And drank an egg.
2:17
And you know what?
2:18
I think that egg had some effects.
2:21
He got a soul.
2:21
It was the magical arcade.
2:23
Well, you are a kanku.
2:25
So do kankus lay eggs?
2:27
Did you just wake up one day and your behind was kind of sore?
2:31
And so you were like, what's this thing?
2:33
Cracks it open and drinks it.
2:35
Oh, you cannibal you.
2:38
You drink your own child.
2:39
You nasty cannibal you.
2:41
Moving on, we've got Fattie Lumpkins, who plays Keto.
2:45
Yes, I do not play Maki.
2:47
I play Keto.
2:48
And I recently developed an anger management problem.
2:52
So in addition to being an equinoid,
2:54
I am a rage in barbarian.
2:56
Oh, I was just going to ask, do you have a problem
2:58
with your anger?
2:59
Or do you have a problem managing other people's anger
3:02
for them?
3:03
We'll see how that plays out.
3:04
You're like a backseat anger person.
3:07
Like, stop being so angry up there.
3:10
You can't be just beating people to death.
3:12
But who knows?
3:13
So far, you have been doing a lot of the beating people
3:16
to death.
3:16
So that'll be interesting.
3:18
And next up, we've got Quinn, the person who's
3:20
playing the only character from this very world, which
3:23
is Feather McGregor, AKA Lil Sauce.
3:29
Yep, that is me.
3:31
Very much going on in his life.
3:33
Got a lot going on with these guys.
3:36
Realizing that I'm in a pocket dimension,
3:38
but also the blank space stuff going on.
3:41
Can go a bunch of different ways here.
3:42
I'm conflicted.
3:44
And all the stress that they put on you has clogged you up.
3:47
You haven't pooped in as long as they've been here.
3:50
They've spent about two and a half weeks.
3:53
So, and that includes in your fighting
3:55
against the Allosaurus, man.
3:57
He had days worth of food just trapped in there.
4:01
It says he's a kenkut.
4:02
Does that mean he also hasn't defecated at all?
4:07
That's what I'm saying.
4:07
I don't think he's gone.
4:09
I don't think he's gone sat on the pot in a minute.
4:13
Oh, I was about to say a day in his life.
4:15
A day that he has never--
4:16
He hasn't ever.
4:18
So hopefully he gets some laxatives,
4:21
hopefully eat some fiber.
4:23
Do kenkus have cloacas?
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I'm going to just say it.
4:26
You know what I'm going to say?
4:27
I was about to have a 15 minute discussion on this.
4:29
I'm pretty sure they did that on the Adventure Zone.
4:33
They had a whole discussion about cloacas.
4:35
Understandably.
4:36
Yep.
4:37
Yep.
4:37
So we won't do it since they did it already.
4:40
All right, moving on.
4:40
We've got Jackson who plays Diaz.
4:45
I like saying it like that.
4:45
I don't know.
4:46
Yeah, I play Diaz.
4:48
He's a ranger now.
4:49
He was a fighter.
4:51
I had a fun fact about Diaz, but now I'm
4:54
curious about Kenku anatomy.
4:56
And I think Diaz is going to go explore his body.
4:59
He's going to find some interesting facts about himself
5:02
today.
5:02
That's what a cloaca is.
5:06
Diaz, what are you doing over there?
5:07
Censored, censored, censored.
5:10
And last but not least, we've got Karen.
5:13
Karen is playing Rorik.
5:15
The only goblin in the troupe.
5:17
Yeah.
5:18
So that is a true fact about Rorik.
5:21
Accurate facts.
5:22
That's what I do.
5:23
My name is Skylar.
5:24
I'm the Game Master, the Dungeon Master, and the Sexy Master.
5:30
And let's jump right back into things.
5:33
[MUSIC PLAYING]
5:36
All right, welcome back, everybody, to "Cripple's
5:42
of Honor and Nubis."
5:42
When we last left off, you guys had
5:44
met with the fought and killed Radicus,
5:48
the sort of villainous leader of a group of scroungers who
5:53
were out digging up bones in the local graveyards,
5:57
bringing them back to Radicus, who
5:59
was putting them onto a strange teleportation circle that
6:04
was on this table that he had in sort of a secret room
6:07
and sending them off to who knows who.
6:09
And you guys decided to take the Rocky
6:11
Taki that I have personally made overpowered by accident
6:17
and put it on this same tablet in which it disappeared
6:21
to wherever everything else has allegedly been going.
6:24
And you guys, I'm assuming, are stepping outside
6:27
of Radicus's place.
6:29
I'd like to argue that the Wacky Taki is not that overpowered.
6:32
We're just a very creative bunch who have figured out ways
6:35
to use it.
6:36
I don't necessarily disagree.
6:38
You do make a very fair point there.
6:40
So you guys are stepping out of this facility.
6:44
It's down by the docks.
6:45
And you are looking out into the night sky.
6:49
And sure enough, off in the distance,
6:52
you see-- not too far from you, actually--
6:54
you see a beam of light erupt into the night sky.
6:58
Now, this beam of light is something
7:00
that only you guys can see.
7:01
As you guys kind of established at the beginning,
7:05
the NPCs of this world per se cannot detect this light.
7:10
They don't notice it.
7:11
It doesn't shine for them.
7:12
It was specifically attuned to you guys in your group.
7:16
So with the ability to see the light off in the distance,
7:20
what are you guys doing?
7:21
I think we should go towards the light.
7:23
No, don't go towards the light.
7:24
What are you guys, a bunch of moths?
7:27
No.
7:28
OK, so your group of moth-like creatures
7:31
move towards the light with eyes wide, almost hypnotic.
7:35
No, I'm just kidding.
7:36
But you do move towards the light,
7:37
and it ends up taking you, maybe almost honestly,
7:40
a mile into the Wakandale District.
7:44
Now, the Wakandale District is very different than the districts
7:47
that you guys have been in thus far.
7:49
I don't even think you guys necessarily really
7:51
been in the Wakandale District outside of maybe just
7:54
like passing glance.
7:57
This medium-sized district pulsates with energy.
8:02
It is a series of factories and warehouses.
8:06
Some of them currently functioning even into the late night
8:08
that you guys have kind of found yourself at.
8:11
Some of them close down dark and seemingly decrepit.
8:15
But whatever the case, you hear the rhythm of drums,
8:18
of sounds that float through the air
8:21
amidst all of the factories and businesses that
8:24
still remain open.
8:26
You hear powerful engines.
8:29
You hear crowds of people and workers
8:31
who are taking the night shift at these places.
8:33
And as you follow this light, you are led to a warehouse,
8:39
just a massive building structure.
8:41
Is that where the light is?
8:43
It's coming out of the center of this place, yes.
8:46
Cool.
8:47
With you guys having found the source, what is your plan?
8:51
There are front doors.
8:53
They're open.
8:54
There's lights on the inside.
8:56
And there's an individual-- almost looks like a bouncer--
8:58
is standing at the front door.
9:02
And from inside, you hear a lot of people talking.
9:05
And you can kind of make out the sound of what almost sounds
9:07
like a light.
9:09
They just kind of like it.
9:10
Not a chant per se, but kind of almost like a--
9:12
[HUMMING]
9:14
Like just an ongoing sort of hum tune almost.
9:18
Is there a window that I can see?
9:21
There are windows.
9:23
They're probably a good 15 feet up off the ground, though.
9:26
This is kind of a warehouse.
9:28
So they're not like--
9:29
How big of a building is it?
9:30
It's pretty big.
9:31
Yeah, it's a warehouse.
9:32
And this is--
9:32
OK, and we see the light coming out from which part of it?
9:35
You can see it coming out of the windows.
9:36
You can see that the front door is open.
9:38
It's just kind of radiating out.
9:40
We don't know exactly where the rock is.
9:42
Right.
9:42
Oh, you're saying the rock slide is just kind of-- yeah,
9:44
it's just stemming from the roof.
9:46
Not like it's on the roof, but like blasting through the building.
9:49
Is there like a line for this club?
9:51
Club.
9:52
I thought this was the warehouse.
9:53
Well, it is a warehouse, but it kind of does--
9:55
I mean, with the bouncer and the lights on inside,
9:57
and the people you can-- the crowd you can hear,
9:59
it kind of does actually feel a little bit like a club.
10:02
The last warehouse we went to was also not a warehouse,
10:05
but a giant lifting--
10:08
Well, to clarify, what is a warehouse?
10:11
You know, a warehouse just--
10:12
A guy who turns into a house on a full moon.
10:14
That's it.
10:16
Jackson's right here.
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He's got a point.
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I mean, it's just a big storage place.
10:20
Whatever you're putting in the storage place and whoever's
10:22
in there doesn't really matter.
10:24
How you utilize the space is up to the owner.
10:26
Right.
10:27
Right.
10:27
What are the wares that are being stored here?
10:30
And when's--
10:31
In the house.
10:31
In the house, yeah.
10:32
In the house of dancing.
10:34
To answer your question, Dave, about the line,
10:38
there's-- it's not so much a line.
10:40
I think there might be a couple of people that are outside
10:43
taking a smoke.
10:45
And then there's a lot of people inside.
10:47
But there's no line suggesting that the place is
10:49
full or anything like that.
10:50
Oh, OK.
10:51
Do we hear anything coming from it?
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Yeah, you hear a lot of people talking inside.
10:56
Like, you can tell it's a pretty big crowd in there.
10:58
And then otherwise, they're just like a soft, kind of like
11:01
rhythmic, [MUMBLING]
11:04
almost coming from inside.
11:05
But it's like barely noticeable underneath the many
11:08
people talking.
11:09
Almost like a home from like a machine or something like that.
11:12
Or a humdinger.
11:13
It's a real humdinger.
11:14
Well, I say we just work our way inside.
11:17
Let's see what the bouncer says.
11:18
OK.
11:19
See what he says.
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And if we have to, we'll just kill him.
11:21
I feel like that's what's going to happen.
11:23
Please.
11:23
Do you approach the bouncer directly, or do you just
11:25
try to walk it?
11:26
Just walk up to the bouncer and be like, how much should you
11:28
get in?
11:29
Have you never been here before?
11:31
Not a fan.
11:32
Oh, well then, the ascendants welcome you.
11:37
And he holds out his hands as if to gesture
11:39
you're free to go inside?
11:41
Dang.
11:42
As Dez walks by the bouncer, he pounds his chest twice
11:47
and throws up a peace sign right out of him.
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Just to let him know that I'm cool with this neighbor.
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He nods, and he says, and to you too.
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Wow, thank you for welcoming my son.
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Oh, of course.
12:00
Are you thinking of attempting to ascend today?
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Kiddil will clasp his hands together and bow.
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OK.
12:08
That action triggers Agra.
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Well, I hope that one of you is the chosen one.
12:14
And he nods as you guys go inside.
12:17
And as you step inside, you see there are a lot of people
12:20
here, like tons of people.
12:21
And they're all just kind of hanging out.
12:23
They're all socializing at the moment amidst each other.
12:26
Nobody's really doing anything.
12:27
But essentially, it's a big, wide open space.
12:30
There's lights coming from the ceiling.
12:32
There's a balcony area where you see some people have gone up
12:35
too as well to kind of help make space on the main floor.
12:38
And then at the very end, you see this big stage.
12:41
And there's a big black curtain on the back end of the stage.
12:45
The stage itself is open, but there's a curtain behind it.
12:48
And you're inside.
12:51
You can't see it.
12:52
I don't think you can see the light at the current moment.
12:54
So you guys are inside.
12:56
There's people here.
12:58
What are you doing?
12:58
Does it look scary?
13:00
I don't think any of you would find this scary.
13:04
I don't think any of you have any reason.
13:07
Besides for the fact that Lil Saw said this guy's big and scary?
13:11
Well, the bouncer's outside.
13:13
He didn't fall you in.
13:14
Oh, and we don't currently see the bones that were teleported here.
13:19
Correct.
13:20
You do not.
13:20
I bet they're grinding them up and making them into tea.
13:23
Oh, bone meal tea.
13:26
That's kind of gross, because those are humanoid bones
13:28
right out of the graveyard.
13:29
Do we see where the beacon is?
13:33
No.
13:34
Now that you're inside, you can't see the beam of light.
13:37
Are there any pamphlets?
13:38
Oh, that's a good question.
13:40
Any promotional signs?
13:43
Any weird posters, kiosk, graphic t-shirts?
13:47
There's definitely a lot of hippies wearing graphic t-shirts,
13:50
for sure.
13:50
But none of them really seem to suggest any singular theme.
13:55
I wouldn't say that there's anybody heaning out pamphlets.
13:57
What I would say is that the lights start to dim a little bit.
14:03
And everybody just kind of gets quiet.
14:07
And you see up on the stage as three cloaked figures
14:12
shuffle slowly and rhythmically out onto the stage.
14:17
Quick, get some seats, guys.
14:19
The seminar is starting.
14:20
And you look around and you realize that this is just standing for it.
14:23
There's no seats here.
14:25
Or it sits on the floor.
14:27
That's fair.
14:28
I think there's probably a few people that do.
14:29
You see some older people.
14:32
I don't want to go sit by them.
14:33
OK, you go sit next to the older--
14:35
Uncomfortably close to them.
14:37
Oh, OK.
14:38
Oh, hello there, sir.
14:39
Am I in-- did I make you the time?
14:42
Oh, I think you're just in time.
14:44
They're going to see if they can find out who the chosen one is.
14:48
Maybe it's me.
14:50
Might be me.
14:50
It could be you.
14:52
Rory looks over at Keto and pats on the ground right next to him.
14:58
It's a sit down.
14:59
Keto is going to put up his hood and then will proceed to sit down after.
15:04
Are you going to sit down next to Rory?
15:06
Yep.
15:06
Can I roll a perception check to see if my best friend's here?
15:10
Sure.
15:11
My best friend, Gavin.
15:13
Gavin?
15:13
Yep.
15:13
It's a seven?
15:14
Oh, no, absolutely.
15:16
There's so many people here.
15:17
0% chance--
15:18
So you're saying there's a chance.
15:19
I'm saying if there's that many people here,
15:21
the chances of him being here are high.
15:24
So I'm just going to tell you something right now.
15:27
As the DM, right?
15:28
So when you guys roll, sometimes it's like, oh yeah,
15:31
would this logically happen?
15:32
And sometimes it's make the decision for me.
15:35
So when you roll, it wasn't a seven to be like,
15:37
do you see him?
15:38
For me, it was a seven of, is Gavin here?
15:40
No, he's not here.
15:41
Fair enough, he's not here.
15:43
Because I was going to save my spot next to me for Gavin
15:46
in case if he was here.
15:47
After you offered it to Keto, I was looking around
15:51
before Keto sat.
15:52
He's got two sides.
15:53
He's got a side of his arms.
15:54
No, the other side is sticking up by the old people.
15:56
I will shove them out of his way.
15:58
Sittin' in the old lady's lap, like, come sit with it.
16:00
Sorry, you just--
16:02
Gavin needs to sit here.
16:04
Where is everyone else?
16:05
I'm talking to Dez, I'm saying.
16:08
I wonder if that shadow caster guy is here.
16:12
I mean, he was collecting bodies.
16:13
My second best trend.
16:15
Dez nods along, and he motions to Machi to follow him.
16:21
And Dez is going to stand right in front row.
16:24
Oh, OK.
16:26
Yeah, Machi follows him.
16:28
All right, sounds good.
16:29
Awesome, so--
16:30
Start the mosh pit.
16:33
You guys watch as the ceremony starts to proceed.
16:36
These three figures step out, and they each
16:40
put their hand on each other's shoulders,
16:42
or at least the two on the right and left of the center
16:44
person put their hands on their shoulders.
16:46
And they say--
16:48
the one in the middle says--
16:50
For those who have never been here before, welcome.
16:55
We are His Seniors.
16:58
We are searching for the chosen one, one who will
17:01
ascend above all of us.
17:04
To my left is the Oracle.
17:07
And you see, the Oracle just lifts their hand into the air,
17:11
the one that's not on the shoulder.
17:12
I am the ritualist.
17:14
And they hold up a stone, just this spherical stone.
17:18
It literally just looks like a rock.
17:20
Like, it's not like a fancy orb or anything like that.
17:22
It just looks like it's just a plain old, very--
17:25
Is it our stone?
17:26
No, it is not your stone.
17:28
There's no light beam coming out of it.
17:29
And it doesn't-- your stone is honestly
17:31
like just a jagged, general rock also.
17:34
Yeah.
17:35
That's what you said there's was too, right?
17:37
Oh, no.
17:37
Well, yes, it is smooth.
17:39
But I mean, like, there's smooth and perfectly spherical.
17:42
It's spherical!
17:43
Like an egg.
17:44
But not oblong like an egg.
17:46
Like, just literally a ball.
17:47
Oh, I'm going to say, because Rocky might start
17:49
drooling in the front row.
17:51
And then they motion over to the final individual,
17:54
and they say--
17:54
And this is the conservator.
17:57
And the conservator holds out what
17:59
looks like a glass tube with a cork top.
18:03
And they say--
18:04
Together, yet shall find the chosen ones.
18:07
And then back to the ritualist, the person in the middle says--
18:10
Who among you would like to find out
18:13
if you are the chosen ones?
18:15
Dez shoots up his hand.
18:17
Rick does too.
18:18
He's so fast.
18:19
And then he grabs Keto's hand and raises it as well.
18:21
Oh, OK.
18:22
And then the old lady also raises her hand.
18:24
And then she looks at you like, oh, you did say that you
18:27
were going to try.
18:28
Let's see who they pick.
18:29
Oh, me, me, me, pick me.
18:31
And scattered around, there's a couple of other hands
18:34
that shoot up into the air as well.
18:36
Not a lot.
18:37
Like, compared to the number of people here,
18:39
it'd be less than a percent of people raise their hand,
18:42
including you guys.
18:43
Oh, well, our hands are raised.
18:44
Can I whisper to her?
18:46
Hey, by the way, what's the point of the chosen one anyways?
18:49
Oh, well, they're going to lead us into--
18:52
and then she's interrupted.
18:53
As you see the person on the stage, the ritualist says--
18:57
You.
18:59
--and points directly at the direction of you and the old
19:03
lady.
19:04
And the old lady kind of like looks at you.
19:06
The lower Keto's hand.
19:08
OK.
19:08
And then she like kind of waves her hand,
19:10
and you see the hood on the hooded figure nons.
19:13
So the old lady stands up.
19:15
Dang it.
19:17
She walks through the crowds, and she approaches the stage.
19:22
And you hear the first person.
19:26
The oracle says--
19:28
Do you agree to determine whether or not
19:31
you are a chosen person?
19:33
And she says--
19:35
I do.
19:36
I do.
19:37
Place your hand and mine.
19:39
So she places her hand in his hand,
19:41
and you watch as they all three begin to chant.
19:45
And some of the people in the crowd also kind of join in
19:48
on this chant.
19:49
And as the chanting begins, a light
19:52
starts to emit on this old lady,
19:54
an outline across her entire cell
19:57
that starts to center on the individual.
20:00
And as it does, you can see this light
20:02
starts to flow through her hand and into the hand
20:06
of the oracle.
20:08
And as it runs through the oracle,
20:10
through their center to the other hand,
20:12
and then it stops partway at the oracle,
20:15
and it starts to swirl as it's all
20:17
pulled out of the old lady.
20:18
And you see as it's pulled out of the old lady,
20:20
she was already kind of like a little bit wrinkly
20:22
and everything before.
20:23
But as it's pulled out of the old lady,
20:24
you see her just start to shrivel and shrivel.
20:27
Almost like a raisin in the sun.
20:29
And as this energy swirls through the robed oracle figure
20:35
center, he simply states, this is not the chosen one.
20:42
And you see what's left of the life in her face
20:45
just kind of like droop as the energy
20:48
flows through the oracle's hand to the ritualist,
20:52
through the ritualist into the stone,
20:55
and then to the conservator as it drains into the cylinder,
21:00
the glass cylinder that he has in his hand.
21:03
And he pops the cork back on it.
21:04
And as he does, the old lady just drops to the ground
21:09
and dissipates into dust.
21:11
I knew it.
21:12
I knew at the end of this she would be into dust.
21:15
I could feel it in my bones and the ones that she doesn't have.
21:18
You hear some gasps amidst the crowd, probably mostly news
21:23
people.
21:24
I don't know about you guys gasping at this,
21:26
what you just witnessed.
21:28
Does this scene it 100 times?
21:29
Oh, OK.
21:30
Over and over.
21:31
It's the same deal.
21:32
I didn't imagine Maki might have seen something like this
21:34
100 times with his cult background or something.
21:38
You hear some gasp.
21:39
The ritualist holds up the orb and says,
21:44
"Be not afraid.
21:46
Her soul over you needs to power the chosen ones
21:50
once they are found.
21:52
Is there any other individual who wishes to accept the test
21:56
and be calm and chosen?"
21:59
Des raises his hand so fast.
22:02
Before he was even done talking, as soon as he says,
22:04
"Do any of these?"
22:05
he was up.
22:06
Yeah, yeah.
22:06
Oh, wow.
22:07
OK.
22:07
OK.
22:08
Man, we're about to fight.
22:09
Rorick raises Kido's hand.
22:12
Do you let it stay raised?
22:13
Kido pulls his hand out.
22:16
Rorick's hand is not up.
22:17
That didn't look like fun.
22:19
Kido does cast his echo.
22:21
Who does raise his hand?
22:22
Oh, I like this a lot.
22:25
The oracle points their hand out.
22:29
And it starts to kind of like go across the crowd of the room
22:32
and it lands on Des.
22:35
Yes.
22:35
He celebrates a little bit.
22:37
Yeah, he's giving high fives to people around him.
22:39
[LAUGHTER]
22:42
They're high five on your back.
22:43
They're like, you might just be the guy.
22:45
Yeah, I hope you're the-- I hope you're the one.
22:47
I hope you're the chosen one.
22:48
I'm him.
22:49
I'm the guy.
22:50
I'm the guy.
22:51
I'm Elijah Wood.
22:52
[LAUGHTER]
22:55
You go up, the dude touches you, and you just see your 100 lives
22:58
counting.
22:59
You go, brrr.
23:00
You approach the stage.
23:01
And just like before, you brush past the dust,
23:05
which is already starting to kind of just blow off the stage.
23:09
And the oracle holds out their hand to you and says,
23:13
do you agree to take the test to see if you are, in fact,
23:17
the chosen one?
23:18
I'm going to do the perfect mockery of the old lady.
23:22
I do.
23:23
[LAUGHTER]
23:25
Then take my hand.
23:27
I feel like we're going to have to shoot this guy with something
23:29
here, so I do.
23:30
I'll take his hand.
23:31
You take his hand.
23:32
Cut it off and put it in my pocket.
23:33
You take his hand, and as you do, again, they start to chant.
23:37
And some of the people in the crowd start to chant, too.
23:40
And this is where he dies.
23:42
Chris created a new character.
23:44
You see a light start to shine, but it's
23:47
not the same color as the old ladies.
23:49
The old ladies are sort of this bright blue light
23:53
that was almost like a light.
23:55
So it was almost so bright a light
23:58
that you almost didn't see the tint blue to it.
24:01
Yours has more of a red tone.
24:04
And you see the connection that you
24:08
make when you put your hand on the oracle's hand.
24:11
There's sort of like a [MAKES SONG]
24:13
of this same energy, this red energy,
24:16
almost like an electricity that's coming out of the connection.
24:19
And the oracle pulls back their hand, and they say,
24:23
Your soul does not belong here.
24:27
I'm the Antichrist.
24:29
You are not chosen.
24:33
But you are not of this world.
24:38
I don't know who you are or where you came from.
24:42
And they're whispering this.
24:43
They're not saying this out loud.
24:44
Everybody else in the crowd is gasped at this,
24:49
because they've never seen this situation before.
24:52
But this person is whispering this to you.
24:54
They say, where are you from?
24:57
Who are you?
25:00
You said we're on a stage.
25:02
Yes.
25:02
Is there a trapdoor beneath our feet right now?
25:05
Do a perception check.
25:06
OK.
25:06
Because they're meant to be hidden.
25:08
Well, not when you're standing on top.
25:10
I mean, I guess you'd feel--
25:11
You start jumping.
25:13
Yeah, yeah.
25:13
And he feels a little flimsy here.
25:15
It just starts jumping.
25:16
He just looks like a do-through-out-of-tan trim,
25:18
because he's not--
25:19
I'm the chosen.
25:19
I'm not the chosen.
25:20
What a mess.
25:22
Mine, mommy said.
25:23
You're the girl from Veruca Salt or whatever.
25:27
That's a six.
25:28
Did I use one of my luck points for him,
25:31
or does it have to be me?
25:32
I think it's only you, as far as I'm aware.
25:34
And at the very least, I don't think
25:36
you're close enough for it to apply.
25:38
You look at your feet.
25:39
You tap your feet.
25:40
It just feels like solid wood, as far as you're aware.
25:43
OK.
25:43
Where are you from, and who are you?
25:47
Dez whips out his little chalkboard,
25:50
but you said the lights are dim, right?
25:52
Yeah, but I think there's enough light here.
25:55
They're going to have to really squint at this one.
26:00
Dez writes on his whiteboard, he says,
26:03
wouldn't you like to know whether boy?
26:05
What are you trying to--
26:08
are you messing with me?
26:10
Dez wipes off his whiteboard and writes,
26:14
I just want to know where my rock is.
26:16
And the Oracle kind of looks over at the ritualist,
26:19
and they're like, are you talking about this rock?
26:22
Dez shakes his head, no.
26:24
That's not my rock.
26:25
I know not of what rock you speak.
26:28
Draw a picture.
26:29
Yeah, just--
26:31
I drew--
26:32
OK, I draw a picture from memory of our rock,
26:36
and point arrows to it.
26:38
The conservator steps forward and says,
26:41
he is a foolish bird.
26:45
He wants his rock.
26:47
It's probably just some shiny piece of trash
26:49
that he found on the side of the road.
26:51
Be gone with you, bird.
26:53
Oh, Dez pats at his pockets, and he pulls out one of his fuzzy
27:01
balls from his bag of tricks and points to it.
27:04
Like, ah, the rock's supposed to look like this,
27:06
and he throws it to the ground.
27:08
And that creates a big baboon.
27:13
A boo-baboon.
27:14
A big baboon.
27:15
It's just going to baboon all around the place.
27:19
He just starts babooning on stage.
27:21
He starts babooning like that scene.
27:23
You guys remember the Wild Thornberry's movie?
27:27
Yep.
27:27
Yep.
27:27
It's that scene where they're just bouncing their red booties
27:30
around and--
27:31
Just twerking on stage.
27:33
It's got a lot better.
27:34
You see the three robed figures step back,
27:37
and they say--
27:38
Adrian.
27:40
It sounds like the baboon summit.
27:43
The one guy looks at it and named it.
27:45
Just a feeding.
27:47
That's an Adrian.
27:48
Never seen anything more Adrian than that right there.
27:51
That baboon.
27:53
You're not wanted.
27:54
Off this thing.
27:55
Get this Adrian out of here.
27:57
I don't want to see this Adrian no more.
27:59
No, instead, you see an inch of the--
28:01
it's always funny when I say, like, oh, you guys know this guy.
28:04
You're going to go, oh.
28:05
Is this yet another random guy we saw in a tavern?
28:08
Not in a tavern.
28:09
No, no.
28:10
It was somebody that was pointed out.
28:11
And I'm going to explain it to you,
28:13
and you're still going to be like, oh, remember that guy.
28:15
Was the chick I got my cloak from?
28:17
No, she was a terrorist.
28:18
I'll just sit here and let you guys guess for a little bit.
28:20
Was it NPC number 63?
28:22
Was it--
28:23
Was it the random lady I stole coins from in the casino?
28:28
The old lady who attacked him in the casino.
28:31
That just got to sit again.
28:33
You'll never get your revenge.
28:34
Well, you did bite her leg.
28:37
So I think you already got your revenge.
28:39
It couldn't possibly be her because she
28:40
would have recognized you 100%.
28:43
I mean, you sat right next to her.
28:44
She's that old.
28:45
Yeah, that's true.
28:47
It's clearly the guy who was riding the horse carriage
28:49
in the very beginning of the sessions.
28:51
Is he dead?
28:52
Well, he survived somehow.
28:54
Oh, his wife and kids must be so happy.
28:57
No, he suffered horrible burns.
28:59
He's horribly disfigured.
29:00
Skyler just pulls us Star Wars.
29:02
Somehow, the carriage driver came back.
29:05
Outsteps this--
29:07
oh, I didn't know how tall he is, but he's freaking tall.
29:10
He's like seven foot tall.
29:12
He leaves huge, heavy footsteps as he walks,
29:16
which are probably even amplified by the fact
29:18
that he's on a wooden stage.
29:20
He has crazed eyes and wears sort of like a mad hatter style
29:25
top hat.
29:26
And he, in the dim light from which you can see him,
29:29
is a horrific visage.
29:31
He has what look like almost staples in his lips.
29:36
So dimidome.
29:38
It's not dimidome.
29:39
He has pale white skin.
29:41
He has two red, almost blood-like lines
29:43
that run from the incredibly dark orbitals,
29:47
with two red lines running up to the top of his head
29:49
that kind of disappear in the hat.
29:51
He's wearing a almost blood orange suit coat or petticoat.
29:57
And he has a--
30:00
the collars up.
30:01
He's got this bright red bow on.
30:02
And underneath the bow, you see this sort of like a pressure
30:06
dial on his upper chest.
30:10
And as he steps forward, you vaguely remember him
30:14
from the Minotaur races.
30:17
Oh.
30:17
He slipped on a banana peel.
30:20
Yeah, near the exit.
30:21
Right near the finish line.
30:23
He was going to take like a second.
30:24
Yeah.
30:24
Yep.
30:25
He was ahead.
30:26
He almost won it.
30:27
And then he slipped on that banana peel.
30:28
Yeah, that's the--
30:29
It was hilarious.
30:29
It was pretty funny, Roges.
30:31
He probably doesn't remember.
30:32
Oh, that's true.
30:34
That's not true.
30:34
Oh, but I digress.
30:35
I don't think he associates you guys directly
30:38
with the banana peel, right?
30:39
He probably thinks the baboon did it.
30:41
Oh, no.
30:42
Oh, you might have a point.
30:44
I sleight of hand a banana that I somehow
30:46
had into the baboon's--
30:48
He sees the banana--
30:49
So we recognize this guy, though?
30:51
I think you guys-- yeah, I think you guys vaguely--
30:53
like, I mean, that was the only interaction that you guys had.
30:55
Keto was going to don the Minotaur helmet.
30:57
OK, just--
30:58
Just rub some salt in the wounds.
31:00
He approaches--
31:02
[EXPLOSION]
31:04
What does-- I mean, is the baboon
31:05
doing anything in reaction to this,
31:07
or is it still twerking?
31:09
I think it's still-- you know, baboons don't really care.
31:12
OK.
31:13
A staple of baboon culture is they just don't care.
31:15
Sure.
31:16
I think he's still jumping around being a monkey.
31:19
OK.
31:20
I'm going to need you to roll for the baboon a string
31:24
check as this Adrian character just reaches down
31:29
and tries to grab it in a grapple around the scruff
31:31
of its neck.
31:32
That's a 13 for the baboon.
31:35
He reaches out to grab this baboon,
31:37
and the baboon dodges out of the way ever so slightly
31:40
and then continues twerking a couple steps away.
31:43
Nice.
31:43
Nice.
31:44
Am I close to the thick curtain?
31:48
Yes.
31:48
I would like to, while people are distracted
31:51
by the twerking baboon, sneak behind the curtain.
31:55
OK.
31:55
Do a stealth check for me.
31:57
OK.
31:58
And you can do it with advantage because you
32:00
have the baboon--
32:01
Having its thing.
32:02
--the distraction.
32:03
Yeah.
32:03
Like, all eyes and the whole thing
32:05
are on Adrian and other Adrian, apparently.
32:08
Oh.
32:09
What is-- what is-- what do you give me for a--
32:13
33.
32:14
I'll give you three-- three Schmeckles.
32:17
23, not 33.
32:18
23.
32:18
Cool.
32:19
I'll give you two Schmeckles.
32:20
No.
32:21
OK.
32:22
You slink off into the shadows of the darkness
32:24
and disappear behind this.
32:26
There's like a split, right?
32:28
That's kind of like layered over itself.
32:30
Well, you find it and then you just slide right up
32:32
into it, rather than like trying to climb under it
32:34
or anything like that.
32:35
Because it's heavy.
32:36
Right.
32:36
You just slide right between the sections of this curtain
32:40
and disappear behind the stage.
32:41
[MUSIC PLAYING]
32:44
[MUSIC PLAYING]
32:48
Sick.
33:08
As you do that, the baboon--
33:11
the baboon is still twerking.
33:13
Adrian, big Adrian.
33:15
We'll call it that.
33:16
Big Adrian and little Adrian, the baboon.
33:19
Big Adrian approaches and he just like--
33:21
just goes to punch this baboon.
33:26
There's a 14 hit.
33:27
It does indeed.
33:29
Oh, and then that would be a 24.
33:31
How much health does he have?
33:33
Three?
33:34
Three?
33:35
It's a baboon.
33:36
It's just three HP.
33:37
It's got 1D6 HP.
33:39
He slams down with one fist, killing the baboon instantly.
33:43
Just suddenly just drop.
33:44
A blood mess.
33:45
It decapitates him.
33:46
There's a blood mess.
33:47
It's already dead, laying there on the ground,
33:49
takes the other fist, just smashes it into it,
33:52
just to add insult to injury.
33:54
Not breaking the stage surprisingly
33:56
with how hard he hit it, but just splattering the baboon
33:59
into like sort of a circular thing of blood.
34:02
He looks up and the conservator just says,
34:06
next time with a little more attacked, Adrian.
34:10
And with that, Adrian walks back over to the corner
34:15
on the stage.
34:16
Well then.
34:17
He's still on the stage?
34:18
Yeah, he's kind of off in the corner.
34:19
He actually kind of disappears in a particular shadow.
34:22
But now you know he's there.
34:23
You can kind of see just like a slight glint off of whatever
34:26
light is coming down on him.
34:27
It's like a Roomba returning to its docking station.
34:30
They look for an extraosen one.
34:32
You hear the conservator say--
34:34
A moment of your time as we clean up this mess.
34:39
And he snaps his fingers and then another cloaked individual.
34:42
Different cloak color though, right?
34:43
So these guys all had purple cloaks,
34:45
which you guys actually-- you specifically, a little sauce,
34:48
recognize from the vision that you had when you were looking
34:52
at the memories of Radicus.
34:54
It's the same color cloak as the people that came into his store
34:57
or his business and got him to do the job in the first place.
35:02
You see another individual in just like a plain black cloak.
35:06
And you see an arm reach out from it
35:08
and a magical sort of shadow stems from it
35:13
and sort of encapsulates this blood splot on the floor.
35:17
And as it sort of-- he moves his arm and as he does,
35:20
the shadow itself moves as well.
35:22
And it leaves behind no blood.
35:24
And then he does the same thing continuing over
35:26
to the dust pile that was the old lady.
35:29
So you're behind the stage.
35:30
What do I see?
35:31
Yeah, so you obviously see all the ropes and levers
35:34
and everything that usually would
35:35
pull a curtain out of the way and stuff like that.
35:38
You also see off to the right side of the stage,
35:41
there's a section that--
35:43
you see some stairs go down.
35:45
I am going to peek around the curtain.
35:51
I'm good.
35:52
Do I-- who wants to make eye contact with me?
35:55
Like in an uncomfortable way.
35:57
Kido has actually followed Adrian.
36:00
Is now just kind of stationed behind Adrian.
36:03
Oh, Rorik.
36:04
Rorik 100% would have followed as well.
36:06
On the stage?
36:07
No, no.
36:08
Because I thought you said Adrian was like off the stage,
36:10
just kind of lurking in the shadow.
36:11
But like he's in the back corner of the stage.
36:13
He's just going to position himself inconspicuously
36:16
near Adrian should a sneak attack be warranted.
36:20
You're in the front row of the crowd
36:22
on that side of the stage closer to Adrian.
36:25
Sure.
36:26
OK.
36:26
That works for me.
36:27
And then Rorik would follow them.
36:28
I do want to add that Rorik's jaw has visibly dropped
36:33
ever since he saw the baboon get smashed.
36:36
And it has not gone up yet.
36:37
OK.
36:38
So he's just following Kido.
36:39
Your jaw is dropped down.
36:41
And as you pass by, there's this just random dude that says,
36:44
oh, you know how you keep that open.
36:46
There's going to be a fly that'll go in there.
36:48
I turn to him going, oh, Maki.
36:50
Maki's been smashed.
36:52
The lookie's smashed.
36:54
Lookie's smashed.
36:55
And then Maki, are you also going with them?
36:57
Or are you--
36:58
Maki, do we make--
36:59
I peeked around the corner of the--
37:01
Yeah, I would be probably looking for you where you went.
37:03
Oh, OK.
37:03
Since you were right there.
37:05
I point to me.
37:06
I point to you.
37:07
I make a little walking motion with my hands.
37:10
And I say, I point left and right,
37:14
and then throw up the number two.
37:16
And then I wave you to come behind the curtain.
37:18
You get to interpret--
37:19
I feel like everything up until waving him over
37:22
to behind the curtain meant nothing.
37:23
It doesn't matter.
37:24
I tap my beak and acknowledge him.
37:27
Ah, there you go.
37:28
And then-- so what are you doing then?
37:30
I look for a way to go around the side behind the curtain.
37:34
OK.
37:34
So I make my way along the front row
37:36
to the right side of the stage.
37:38
Do you want to go to the opposite side?
37:40
That--
37:40
Yes.
37:41
OK, the opposite of Adrian.
37:42
The opposite of Adrian.
37:42
OK, yes.
37:43
So you go over to the opposite side from Adrian.
37:45
There are stairs, obviously, that people have been using.
37:48
I'd say there's probably one set in the center.
37:50
Most people use that when they're called up
37:52
to potentially be the chosen one.
37:53
Just go to the center side.
37:54
But on either side of the stage,
37:56
there's also stairs that lead up onto the stage as well.
37:58
Is a stage well built?
38:00
Or is it like a platform that's hollow on the edge?
38:03
Oh, yeah.
38:03
It's a fully built stage.
38:05
Like, this is a permanent--
38:06
It's fully enclosed.
38:07
Yeah, yeah.
38:08
I'm going to wait until they call someone else up.
38:12
OK, yeah.
38:13
I would say, yeah.
38:14
And once-- as soon as the mess is clean,
38:16
the person in the black cloak kind of just disappears.
38:19
Pretty much a minute--
38:20
it just disappears right there on stage.
38:22
And some people are like, whoa.
38:24
And then they say, let us return to the ceremony.
38:28
We must find the chosen one after all.
38:31
And so they redo the ceremony asking for volunteers.
38:35
There's a couple of people that raise their hand.
38:37
I think the reset of the situation
38:39
has kind of pushed some people to gain a little bit more
38:44
bravery after what they saw with the old lady getting
38:47
disintegrated.
38:48
And then they were like, I don't know if I'm
38:49
going to raise my hand this time.
38:51
Well, now they're kind of like, oh,
38:52
I kind of forgot about that already.
38:54
You guys got my back.
38:55
I'm going to go up there.
38:56
Anything goes down, you guys.
38:57
Dude, these guys have already left.
38:58
No one's near you.
38:59
No one's interested in me?
39:00
Yeah, you're just standing there, Mr. Crow.
39:02
I'm going to go ahead and--
39:03
You raise your hand.
39:04
Yeah, I'm going to go--
39:05
So we're all old deep-waters.
39:06
Where are you at, you're back, sonny?
39:09
So we're all gathered around, sneaking around.
39:12
And we all turn and look at the stage.
39:14
And we see little sashes climbing right up.
39:17
No, no, no, no, no.
39:17
They picked somebody else.
39:18
They picked somebody else.
39:19
No!
39:20
You say that out loud.
39:21
There's other people that say that every single time.
39:23
I'm like, oh, dang it!
39:24
Sucks to the death, Lash.
39:26
Oh, I'm thinking about it, Ruby.
39:27
You stand there as you see this giant muscular dude
39:31
get called onto the stage.
39:32
But as some of you were probably pretty dang sure
39:34
that you saw him at the beast's hideout, the beast's
39:37
headquarters.
39:38
Like, you know, I feel like I vaguely remember, like,
39:41
passing glance noticing that guy.
39:42
It wasn't anybody I've noticed.
39:43
Nobody that talked to you, nothing like that.
39:45
But just this big rip dude goes up onto stage.
39:49
He's a tiefling.
39:52
He's just a jack tiefling.
39:54
Muscles on muscles.
39:55
Looks like Bane with devil horns and a tail.
39:59
Anyway, he goes up there.
40:00
He's going through the ritual or whatever.
40:02
The rest of you guys, you've got Maki,
40:05
who's trying to follow after Dez.
40:07
Roll me a stealth check also with advantage.
40:11
19, 19.
40:12
OK, yeah.
40:13
You slowly creep up on stage, keeping yourself
40:16
amidst the shadows, possibly veiling yourself
40:19
with some, like, subtle magic with your knowledge
40:21
of the shadows to allow you to slip all the way back
40:25
to behind the curtain.
40:26
And once you're back there, it's just pretty much you and Dez.
40:29
So you guys unite in the back.
40:31
What are you guys doing?
40:33
Dez writes on his little whiteboard chalkboard thing.
40:36
Are the others coming?
40:38
Slash, did you get everybody else?
40:41
I peek out behind the curtain.
40:43
Look.
40:44
So you see Lil Sauce out exactly where you left him.
40:48
And he's got his hands crossed.
40:49
He looks really grumpy and upset that he didn't get chosen.
40:51
You see Kido and Rorik.
40:54
And they're over on the opposite side of you,
40:58
on the other side of the stage.
40:59
Kind of-- they almost look like they're creeping on Adrian.
41:02
Like, they're just, like, focusing on him
41:04
rather than all the stuff that's going on
41:05
on the center of the stage.
41:08
Like, they'll glance over every once in a while.
41:09
But their eyes are focused mostly on Adrian.
41:12
OK, let me see if this works.
41:15
How far away from Osarly?
41:18
The stage is pretty big.
41:19
I'd say, like, 50 feet or so.
41:21
I mean, technically, you could go over to the other side.
41:23
But then you're standing--
41:24
Walk across the stage.
41:25
Well, then you're standing, like, right next to Adrian
41:27
if you go over to that.
41:28
Because he's, like, taking up that corner back there.
41:30
He's like in America's Got Talent or any of those other shows
41:35
where you've got the host dude that's, like, behind the curtain.
41:37
He always stands there right on the edge
41:39
to let people in and everything like that.
41:41
And then he's just doing commentary.
41:42
Adrian, on the other hand, is not doing any commentary.
41:45
He is completely stoic.
41:48
Stone faced.
41:49
Possibly literally.
41:52
Do you think he ever wishes he was a game show host?
41:56
Adrian?
41:57
Yeah, Adrian.
41:57
You ever think, like, this was his stepping stone
42:00
into becoming the next host of AFV?
42:02
Who knows?
42:04
I mean, I could tell you because I made this character.
42:09
But there's no reason you would know, so I'm not going to tell you.
42:11
But he doesn't give off that vibe or anything?
42:14
No, dude.
42:14
He, like-- when I say stone faced,
42:16
I mean, like, he literally looks like a statue right now.
42:19
Completely unemotioned, motionless.
42:23
And his eyes are freaky AF.
42:26
He's got one that's, like, gold and it's got, like,
42:29
a circle in the very center of it and then the dot in the middle.
42:32
And you can see it going--
42:33
[MAKING DISTANT SCANNING]
42:35
--like scanning the crowd.
42:37
And then the other one is, like, a different shade of yellow
42:41
and it's got this purple center to it.
42:43
And it's just glazed over.
42:45
So does the curtain go--
42:47
is the curtain behind these guys standing on the stage?
42:50
Yep, yep.
42:50
And then you guys are behind the curtain.
42:51
Yep.
42:52
Oh, OK.
42:52
I just looked at Des and I point over.
42:55
I think I'm going to say, well, they're over there.
42:58
Do we need them over here or should we just go to them?
43:01
Des throws up his chalkboard and chalk in the air
43:03
and starts marching towards the staff.
43:06
Nice.
43:06
OK.
43:06
The stairs behind the stage.
43:08
OK.
43:09
I'm going to use a spell slot to cast Silent Image.
43:14
Oh, OK.
43:15
Over where you guys are standing.
43:16
Well, are they standing?
43:17
They're standing to the side of Adrian.
43:19
Yeah, like off the stage.
43:20
I was imagining we're by the wall.
43:22
Yeah, yeah.
43:22
Right by where Adrian's on the stage.
43:24
So like right by the stairs that would lead up onto the stage
43:27
where Adrian is, they're just kind of over there.
43:29
Yeah, OK.
43:30
So I create a Silent Image next to it.
43:33
It walks in front of them then.
43:35
It waves them like in front of their face
43:38
and gets their attention.
43:39
You guys, do you guys see this image of Maki?
43:43
Oh, it's all of you.
43:44
Yeah, I made an image of me.
43:45
I didn't say that.
43:46
I just imagined.
43:47
Oh, that's what I was like.
43:48
I wonder who he's going to make a look like.
43:49
Who's Maki trying to get the attention of?
43:51
Adrian or us two?
43:52
No, you two.
43:53
You two.
43:54
Yeah.
43:54
Roryk waves at Maki.
43:56
And then Elbow's Keto, who's been fixated on Adrian
44:01
this whole time.
44:02
The Elbow's Keto, he points at Maki and then waves again.
44:06
And then Maki's image points over to where the real Maki is.
44:11
And you see the real Maki.
44:13
Waving to you guys from behind the curtain.
44:15
Roryk races his hand and waves really higher now.
44:18
Oh, he's beckoning them.
44:19
Oh, I think he wants to go over there.
44:21
He beckons you guys.
44:22
Keto will give him the signal.
44:24
Adrian hears this.
44:27
He tries to improve upon Desi's hand signals.
44:32
But he pretty much does the same thing.
44:36
But he points over to the stairs.
44:41
The opposite side.
44:42
From Adrian.
44:43
Yeah.
44:43
And does the little walking symbol.
44:45
And then Keto looks at Roryk.
44:47
He also puts-- he rogues.
44:48
He points over.
44:50
Does he say where Sauce is, too?
44:53
Like out in the middle of the crowd.
44:54
He's like in the middle of the crowd.
44:57
He points to Sauce and makes a motion to grab.
45:02
Grab Sauce.
45:03
This is really important.
45:04
I am going to roll Insight.
45:07
Because if I fail, Roryk is grabbing a random person
45:10
to just bring with us.
45:12
I was really hoping for like a one.
45:13
That's a 19.
45:15
I think Roryk--
45:16
I think you actually what he means.
45:17
You look over and see little Sauce with just the sake
45:19
angry, grumpy look on his face.
45:21
Ah, yes.
45:22
Roryk is going to them walk over to get little Sauce.
45:26
I'm guessing Keto's with them.
45:28
I did have a question.
45:30
So Roryk sees these guys with purple cloaks on.
45:33
But do people in the crowd have purple cloaks on?
45:37
No.
45:37
Crowds.
45:38
Has it any cloaks on?
45:40
Not anything that wouldn't be outside of like an everyday
45:43
wear cloak.
45:45
OK.
45:45
But they don't feel like they're necessarily part of this.
45:49
They just feel like attendees that are hoping that they might
45:52
be the chosen one.
45:53
Or they're just there to see the chosen one get chosen.
45:56
OK, so you guys, you grab little Sauce.
45:59
Are you going with them?
46:00
Yeah.
46:01
I'm supposed to go up there.
46:02
I'm trying to be the chosen one.
46:04
I was going to attack them.
46:05
I was going to figure this out.
46:06
Later.
46:07
Tomorrow.
46:08
Why not now?
46:09
Because they want us to go backstage with them.
46:12
Yo, backstage.
46:14
All right, so you guys all head over
46:16
to the other side of the stage.
46:17
And you guys get over to the other side of the stage,
46:20
the stairs.
46:21
And I need you guys to do sort of like a collective average--
46:25
I'm going to average your stealth role here.
46:28
Which I'm sure Roryk is going to help quite a bit.
46:31
I have a 10 and 19.
46:32
I had 12 total.
46:34
Round up, it'd be 19.
46:36
It'd be 18.6.
46:37
Yeah, no, that's OK.
46:38
That's good enough.
46:39
That's good enough.
46:40
All right, you guys all managed to slink back behind the stage.
46:43
I think there's a moment where anyone watching
46:46
would see the conservator.
46:48
Actually, nobody even watching would notice.
46:50
I think just the conservator himself, kind of like,
46:53
for a moment glances over to that side.
46:55
But it's just as like Keto rounds the corner.
46:59
And then the--
47:00
He sees his tail.
47:01
Does his little wiggle.
47:02
Yeah, his tail disappears behind the curtain.
47:04
And the curtain gently sets back into place.
47:07
So he just kind of shrugs it off like nothing happened,
47:09
because he didn't see anything.
47:11
So you guys are all now backstage.
47:14
What are you doing?
47:15
Dez is going down those stairs.
47:17
All right.
47:17
So you guys are going down those stairs?
47:19
Dez going down those stairs?
47:20
Hurry, Dez already went down the stairs.
47:22
We've got to go after him.
47:24
You guys all rushed to catch up with Dez.
47:25
You go down these stairs, these wooden stairs.
47:29
And it leads you down sort of back and below the stage.
47:32
So this is sort of like a basement section,
47:34
a small basement section of the warehouse itself.
47:37
And what you find down there is sort of like a big office,
47:41
almost like a planning center.
47:42
And you actually see there's a table in the center
47:44
of all of this that has a map, a 3D map of the city.
47:49
Oh, I'm on it.
47:51
I want it.
47:52
It's the whole-- I mean, it's like the table is part of it.
47:56
Like the table top, it was built--
47:57
Like it's a diorama.
47:59
Yeah, yeah.
48:00
And then over in-- actually, just do--
48:03
anybody want to do, I don't know, some kind of perception
48:06
check or anything else.
48:08
What are you guys looking for, I guess, would be the key question.
48:11
Is there anything weird about this map?
48:13
It's not like Steve Bishimi's map in "SpikeHits 2"
48:16
where you can-- things that are moving on the map.
48:18
That's not what I meant.
48:19
What I meant is like, it's one thing
48:21
if it's like an exact replica of the town,
48:24
but like, say for example, there's just the giant monster
48:28
on it or something.
48:29
Yeah, no, I get what you're saying.
48:30
There's a lot of figures or like X's and stuff.
48:32
Yeah, Mark's--
48:33
So the loo is coming out of the ocean.
48:35
Because it's one thing if it's just like a regular model.
48:38
But like, if there's particularly like notes or shapes
48:42
or stuff that's like not normal--
48:44
Well, this guy is just a kaiju enthusiast.
48:46
He might be.
48:47
He's got a model of his kaiju's on his.
48:49
Yeah, that's actually a really good question.
48:52
Roll me an insight check to see if you kind of like notice.
48:55
That's a one.
48:56
That's a one.
48:57
You fall.
48:59
I, Cameron, know what to look for.
49:01
Rory goes, oh.
49:04
You, as you're peeking onto the map,
49:07
your hand slips on the wood and you fall.
49:09
And one of the buildings that's particularly--
49:11
Oh, geez.
49:12
You've got a particularly sharp roof actually pokes you real good.
49:17
It deals one point of damage.
49:19
Thankfully, it was like your arm or something
49:21
and not like an eyeball.
49:23
Maki is going to take this opportunity
49:25
to study this map for future reference.
49:29
Yeah, yeah, OK.
49:30
So you get like a pretty good idea of like the sections
49:33
of the different districts of the city, anything in particular.
49:37
Are you just trying to kind of memorize it so that you know
49:39
where everything's at for the most part?
49:41
Or--
49:41
Yeah, just kind of trying to use my bounty hunting skills
49:45
to remember what it looks like.
49:47
Yeah.
49:48
Combined with my expert forgery skills.
49:51
Sure.
49:51
Oh, are you going to make a copy of the map or try to--
49:54
To some extent?
49:54
In a way, yeah.
49:56
OK, OK.
49:57
Dez is looking around the room.
49:58
Can I see any signs of a spot that
50:01
is claimed by like a clear leader of the group
50:04
and he kind of more ornate chair or a certain desk?
50:09
And do I see the bones?
50:11
Yes.
50:12
I see the bones.
50:12
You see-- well, you see a small pile of bones.
50:15
They're on a table.
50:17
And it sort of almost feels like a workbench.
50:19
And as you look around the room, you actually
50:21
notice there's three separate workbenches here.
50:24
This one with the bones on it has a handful.
50:28
It's got some shelves sitting up.
50:30
Kind of like you'd see in your dad's garage
50:32
with all the little peg holes.
50:35
And that way you can adjust where your shelves are at
50:38
and anything that would hang off of it.
50:40
But instead of tools, you see a variety
50:43
of different magical components.
50:45
Little sacks with different salts or other powders
50:49
or dried herbs or other things like that.
50:51
And then next to it, there's this little pile of bones
50:55
that are just sitting there waiting for them to be used.
50:58
Gotcha.
50:59
Sacks and bones.
51:00
Sacks and bones, man.
51:02
Sacks of bones.
51:03
Sacks of bones.
51:04
And I will add right next to that,
51:10
you see a stone table with a sigil on it.
51:14
And sitting atop of it is a rock that's
51:17
emitting a small beam of light.
51:20
Does gasps and runs for the rock.
51:23
My rock.
51:24
Yeah.
51:24
And now you have your rocky talky bag.
51:27
Sick.
51:28
Well done.
51:28
You guys did it.
51:30
You got your rocky talky bag.
51:32
Nope, that's what we came here for.
51:33
We'll leave.
51:34
All right, see you guys.
51:35
Is there anything else you guys would like to check for
51:39
while you're in here?
51:40
Also, I found a magical ritual table with some of the bones
51:43
and magic components hanging on the wall.
51:45
Yeah, but did you use the rocky talky
51:47
to ask where the nearest frog is?
51:50
Pretty sure you guys asked a question today.
51:53
Maki is going to reach into his front pocket
51:56
and pull out his monocle and adjust it on his own.
52:01
To magic detection mode.
52:03
Yes, he's going to click it and activate his detect magic.
52:07
OK.
52:08
Yes.
52:09
So Kido will blow his whistle and the Pink Panther song
52:13
starts ringing out.
52:15
This is always tricky with this because a lot of things
52:18
in this room are glowing.
52:20
The rocky talky is glowing.
52:21
Things on each one of the players in here
52:24
is probably something is glowing.
52:26
The magical workbench is definitely glowing.
52:31
The bones are glowing.
52:32
And some of the alchemical materials that are on there
52:35
might probably also be glowing.
52:37
I think because they have inherent magical abilities,
52:40
they too would also be magical in nature.
52:44
You also notice the other two work benches that are down here.
52:47
Both of which are actually very similar.
52:49
They're right next to each other.
52:50
In fact, they take up basically one whole wall
52:53
and they have a variety of what look like cogs and gears
52:59
and things like that.
53:00
And there's two or there's one particular thing
53:03
that sits on that table that is glowing with a magical energy.
53:10
I move over to the table to investigate what's on it.
53:13
Absolutely.
53:14
There is again, lots of like cogs, little metal components,
53:17
things along those lines.
53:19
But the thing that in particular is glowing
53:21
is this little tiny--
53:22
it's got a bulbous lower end, almost like you cut a ball
53:28
in half.
53:29
So you have this half cylinder or half sphere.
53:33
And then you have a cylinder that comes out of it.
53:35
And then the top has two protrusions on either side,
53:39
little tiny cylinder protrusions.
53:42
And then there's almost what looks like a little tiny
53:45
pot lid on the very top of it.
53:48
Is it like a cylinder cool?
53:51
Yeah, for the most part.
53:52
The shaft coming out of it or whatever.
53:54
Can I deter-- I don't know.
53:55
Does my monocle-- is it the detect magic spell?
53:58
Or--
53:59
I thought I'd just show the auras of magic items.
54:02
It does say, while using this lens,
54:04
you are under the effects of detect magic spell.
54:06
So yeah, so it would show you the type of magic
54:10
that it uses, which would be transmutation magic.
54:17
So you now have some strange thing,
54:21
item of some kind that seems to be emanating transmutation
54:24
magic has been used on it in some way, shape, or form.
54:27
It's like this big.
54:28
And for those that are listening at home,
54:30
like, I don't know, like maybe a foot tall and like three
54:34
or four inches wide, I don't know, with the diameter
54:37
and all that kind of stuff.
54:38
But I cast Mage Hand and I pick it up.
54:41
OK, nothing happens to it.
54:42
It doesn't seem to like react in any kind of way.
54:45
You just-- you pick it up.
54:46
There's maybe like a little bit of a clink
54:48
as you feel like it's loose but connected.
54:51
Like there's something inside that connects the whole thing,
54:53
but it doesn't like--
54:54
it's not tight to itself.
54:56
That thing there looks like a lid.
54:58
Can I open it?
54:59
Yes, with the Mage Hand.
55:01
So you use the Mage Hand to sort of grab the top of it.
55:05
And as you do, it pops open.
55:09
And there's like a little head, a little robotic, almost
55:13
mechanical head that pops out.
55:15
It's got these big eyes.
55:16
And they kind of go out like cartoon-esque.
55:19
But it's almost like little tiny spy glasses
55:22
when they extend out.
55:23
And then they re-center.
55:25
And you can see them spinning and adjusting
55:27
as they look around the room, adjusting their depth of field
55:31
to make out whatever's closest to them in a better clarity.
55:34
And it sees you.
55:36
And as it does, you see two little wiry things come out
55:39
of the two little protrusions on either side.
55:42
And it's just these little wire arms.
55:44
And it kind of like waves at you.
55:47
And then it looks down and sees that it's floating in the air.
55:50
And it's like, whoo!
55:52
Rock straw drops again.
55:53
It's just a dish robot from the movie "Robots."
55:56
And it's kind of what I'm imagining this to be.
56:00
Actually, I'm glad I got there.
56:02
But yes, it is kind of similar to that, yes.
56:06
Oh, hey, little fella.
56:08
Hello!
56:09
Are you guys seeing this?
56:11
This thing's talking to me.
56:12
Yeah, you guys see it.
56:12
It's floating robot of greatness.
56:15
I floated over to Rourke and see if he wants to grab it.
56:19
I grabbed the rug.
56:20
It reaches out its hand as if to shake.
56:22
Rourke does like a little dance in his place.
56:25
And he runs over and it goes to shake its hand.
56:28
And he grabs it with both his hands
56:31
and then holds it up in his air and goes, frog!
56:37
Dez takes his writing utensil and writes on, said robot,
56:42
F, period R, period O, period G.
56:46
And yeah, and you have until next session
56:48
to figure out what that means.
56:49
I just said.
56:50
Well, what it represents.
56:52
I just said.
56:53
What?
56:53
Floating robot of greatness.
56:55
Nice!
56:56
He's so good.
56:56
I didn't pick up on that.
56:57
That's pretty great.
56:58
OK, yeah.
56:59
When you write on it with the chug it, like,
57:01
[HOOTING]
57:03
like the Pillsbury Doe Boy.
57:05
It's giggling?
57:06
Yeah, it's kind of--
57:06
Oh, this is great.
57:07
All right, repeat after me.
57:09
I, wow, you, Raric.
57:15
What I do.
57:15
Oh, this is great.
57:17
[LAUGHTER]
57:19
All right, I think we can leave.
57:21
This is a huge six.
57:23
I see this as an absolute and then we--
57:26
And maybe you'll remember this pet better
57:29
than the other pets you guys collected
57:31
and have disappeared from evidence.
57:33
I was re-listening the past episode
57:35
and he had a pet bird that he would just point to.
57:38
And you had a frog.
57:39
I had a little frog named Glob.
57:42
Yep.
57:42
And they're gone now.
57:43
They're just--
57:44
[INAUDIBLE]
57:44
Oh, wow.
57:45
He's a free bird.
57:46
He's a free bird.
57:46
That's right.
57:47
He's a free frog.
57:48
There you go.
57:49
But now you have a new frog.
57:50
And this frog--
57:51
And it's a robot.
57:51
He can say more than Glob.
57:53
Don't leave this one in your pocket when you do laundry.
57:55
[LAUGHTER]
57:57
I made that mistake one time.
58:00
As you guys are having a good time with this,
58:04
you hear a final couple of words coming from upstairs.
58:07
It's been kind of like semi-muffled the entire time.
58:09
But you hear--
58:11
Thank you all, people.
58:12
Perhaps you'll find a chosen one next time.
58:16
And you hear a lot of cheering and cheering,
58:19
which is kind of disturbing to think about that people were
58:22
like disintegrated up on stage.
58:24
And everybody's like, all right, well, next time maybe
58:26
we'll get them.
58:28
And you actually see amidst this room,
58:31
there is a door with a glowing--
58:33
four glowing letters on it in red.
58:36
E-X-I-T.
58:40
Interesting.
58:41
I don't know what the frog door means.
58:43
And then in parentheses it says above it, it says emergency.
58:47
OK, emergency frog, guys.
58:49
I think we should wait and confront these guys
58:51
and kill them if we need to.
58:52
Why did they need bounds?
58:54
I think we should get some answers.
58:55
Well, surprise attack.
58:56
We'll hide and then come in.
58:58
We'll just jump in.
58:59
Is there cover in this room?
59:01
Not a lot.
59:02
I mean, you could get under the table.
59:04
Yeah, I mean, you could--
59:05
Yeah, I guess you could.
59:06
Do you think this warehouse is stone or is it wood?
59:10
Is it like a big barn?
59:11
Going to knock on the wall.
59:12
It's metal.
59:14
It's metal.
59:15
Yeah.
59:15
Which actually a lot of things in the Condale District
59:18
are actually metal.
59:20
So do we stay and jump these mofos or--
59:24
Yes.
59:25
OK, why do you really want to do that?
59:28
They wouldn't let me be the chosen one.
59:30
Oh, understandable.
59:32
Understandable.
59:32
I had a plan.
59:33
I had an agreement.
59:34
I was planning, I mean, would I be the chosen one now?
59:36
But I was going to hit them with this, hit them with that,
59:38
and then I was going to take them all.
59:39
You were just going to attack them in front of the crowd.
59:41
Give them one of those footshots.
59:43
And then a little bit of--
59:45
And then, you know.
59:46
Here's what I'm going to say.
59:48
Dave, Maki, as you are copying the map down
59:53
on a piece of paper, let's say, you
59:55
notice what seems to be like a little flag that's
59:59
coming out of a space in the medium-billed district.
1:00:03
And you notice that there's writing on this flag.
1:00:08
I look closer to see what the writing says
1:00:10
if I can make it out.
1:00:11
It says unknown euphoria distributor.
1:00:17
And Little Sauce, you look at the map--
1:00:20
I don't know if Maki points this out to anybody else.
1:00:22
But if Little Sauce, if you looked at the map,
1:00:24
you would notice that it is pinning the exact spot where
1:00:27
the rock bottoms club is at, which you also
1:00:31
have that note that said to meet with somebody
1:00:35
at the rock bottoms club.
1:00:36
That radicalist was getting his euphoria supply.
1:00:39
And just as you're finishing, kind of like putting this
1:00:42
all together, you hear footsteps,
1:00:45
three sets of footsteps coming down the stairs
1:00:48
to this basement section.
1:00:50
And then a fourth, very heavy set.
1:00:54
I think we're able we should leave.
1:00:56
Kido's at the door already.
1:00:57
I grab a bag of bones off the table.
1:01:00
Oh, he's got the magic bone.
1:01:02
So is this map like an exact replica of just the West?
1:01:05
No, no, no, it's the whole city.
1:01:07
I'm fine with leaving, but I ain't happy about it.
1:01:09
Is it really spot on?
1:01:10
Yeah.
1:01:11
Can I grab Little Sauce's treehouse?
1:01:14
Yeah, yeah, you find it on the map,
1:01:16
and you rip it right off.
1:01:17
This is awesome.
1:01:18
Look, Glenn, I ran over to Little Sauce
1:01:20
and go, look, Little Sauce, it's your house.
1:01:22
Now they can't track us.
1:01:23
And I threw it into my bag of holding.
1:01:26
As you show it to Little Sauce, Little Sauce,
1:01:28
you notice one thing that catches your eye just
1:01:31
before he throws it into his bag.
1:01:32
And that is a big red question mark
1:01:37
has been marked on your house.
1:01:40
And then it gets thrown into his bag,
1:01:42
and you guys quickly shuffle out the door
1:01:45
as the footsteps start to reach the bottom of the stairs.
1:01:48
And with that, we will close out tonight's session.
1:01:51
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:01:54
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:01:58
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:02:01
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:02:02
Thank you so much for listening to "Criminals of Island
1:02:04
Numus," a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play
1:02:07
podcast set in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorsett.
1:02:11
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1:02:12
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Or just check us out on our website, sessionzeroheroes.com.
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Additionally, if you enjoy coin, you
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might enjoy some of Session Zero Hero's other shows,
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such as our "Benders and Brues" and "Avatar Legends"
1:02:31
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1:02:34
the Last Airbender" and "Legend of Korra"
1:02:37
using the Avatar Legends system created by Magpie Games.
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Or one of our various one shots, which we are currently
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coming out with, where we use a variety of games and TTRBG
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We have all sorts of other content
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And more to come in the future.
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In the meantime, thank you so much for listening.
1:03:22
And don't forget to stay curious,
1:03:24
stay heroic until we roll again.
1:03:26
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:03:30
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1:03:33
(upbeat music)