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The dangerous story sensitive souls tell themselves about failure (INFP/HSP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Kindred Spirit, and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Kate Harmony.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: In today's journal entry, I want to talk about the stories that we tell ourselves when we're in seasons of despair and failure.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, as highly imaginative souls, we are very gifted storytellers.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know many of you are writing novels and stories, and I think that's beautiful.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're so gifted, in fact, that we can end up telling ourselves stories about life in general and our life in particular that are not true.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're in these seasons of despair, feeling like our lives are a failure, that we, you know, have failed on the to make our dreams come true, we need to look carefully at the story that we're telling ourselves because one story may lead us to give up on life altogether, but the other will help us to rest and recover before trying again.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I I see this in my own life with my myself and my husband, and the story that we've told ourselves, we're currently in this season of failure and despair and not knowing which direction to go and everything feeling uncertain.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, one of the the things that I hear when we talk to one another is sort of this sense that, um, so this is the dangerous story that we tell ourselves, that that we should have, we should be expecting our lives to kind of be a constant trajectory upward, you know, that that we have kind of success after success after success, and maybe a tiny little failure here and there, like, you know, in but but not like you failed on, you know, big, big stuff.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it should just kind of go in an upward track trajectory, right?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Society likes those upward trajectories, nice and nice and straight, you know, like um, and uh um, and it's kind of like I was thinking about it's like the romantic fairy tale stories that we watched as kids growing up, right?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, and then the like Cinderella, right?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then they meet, and then they meet the the prince, and they live happily ever after the end.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing, there's no like bumps and the ro failures in the end.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like now their life is a an upward spiral of trajectory of happily ever after, right?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that that's not how it actually works in real life.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a romantic story, a dangerous but romantic story.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes us feel like those natural fluctuations in our lives, uh, you know, are or seasonal changes are permanent failures.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like we've failed permanently to have an upward trajectory in life, you know.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I think this is especially difficult when as we get older, you know, I'm in my early 40s, my husband's mid-mid-40s, late 40s, uh mid-40s.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he keeps saying, I'm I'm going on 50.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I need to get I need to get things together.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, um, but as we get older, it can kind of feel like there's no more room for failure.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we time's running out.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: We need to keep keep keep spiraling upwards.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like there's no there's no room for for failure anymore.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if we failed, then there's no more time to make up the failure.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the other where it's uh also particularly um, and I guess this ties in with with being older, is that we compare ourselves, but at any point, um, we compare ourselves to our peers in age group, I suppose, is what I'm what I'm thinking about.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, for us, you know, my husband's a Gen Xer, I'm a I'm an older millennial, so it's like, you know, lots of them have had successful careers, have houses, have families, have, you know, whatever, maybe they're even partially retired.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it's it can feel like when we compare ourselves to, you know, a generation or to our friends and family or whatever, it it can feel like, well, I've I've completely failed.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Might as well just give up.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, if we stop ascending that that linear trajectory upwards, then we're done.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: We might as well give up.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And because that's the story we're telling ourselves.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: If we don't continuously go upwards, um, then we might as well give up.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's the one story.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I think we need what I'm calling a story remedy.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the story remedy, the one that we need to change and and into is a cyclical story, story that is more in tune with nature, where failure isn't the end, it's just the winter part of the cycle.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: And nothing blooms all year round.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, just go with me on this.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there are emplo parts of the world, but we're talking about seasonal, seasonal ways of, you know, plants have have cycles and seasons, right?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like there's blossoms and that turns into fruit, which is then the seeds and that goes into the ground and then it sprouts.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So there's um a cyclical part.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's times of rest and recovery that we need to take when it's kind of winter.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we go through many of these in our lives, and I think we maybe tend to forget past failures.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um when I was in university, I remember there was a time when everything felt like it was so dark.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just felt like basically not being here.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was I I had a moment that I was just like, I it's like I don't want to be here.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to continue living.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so it it felt like life was over.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: But because I was younger, I think I was like, this can't possibly be the end and how my life turns out.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess I'll just try and get through this hard part and hope for better days.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and the thing is, is that I know that there were better days to come because I'm now in, you know, beyond that.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And there I've had lots of times in my life where, you know, life was was was full of full of joy and and blessings and abundance.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not that there's not blessings in my life currently.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's always there's always places of of gratitude and things, but it just when when this the the current environ the current situation of life feels just so at odds from what we what we hoped.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: It it can be, you know, it can be hard and depressing, and we can get into a state of despair.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So um so I would offer that that reflection to you.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Have there been time other times in your life when you were younger that you thought that that you had failed, but you picked yourself up and continued on with a vision of, you know, things will get better, right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I think that that's that's what we need to kind of hold on to.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I think we can mourn the flowers if we want to get poetic, if we can mourn the the summer times, um, we can mourn or we can mourn the the dreams that never happened, right?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you have shared that, you know, you you're mourning not having not not being married or not having kids, or um, you know, for us, there's like this mourning sense that, you know, my husband grew up mu music doing music.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: He played in bands, he taught music, his whole life was music.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And um this time uh in the world with AI and um the industry going the way it is, it's like there's a mourning that's happening about where music is at.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the career, you know, even just even just teach it being able to teach music, you know, AI is basically taking taking all that.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So there's um a morning that that's no longer available to us as it once was, you know, our business has declined.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's it's this this morning of that.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, okay, you know, um something that was a success is now feeling, you know, just sad and um despairing.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And how are we gonna make an income?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And all the things.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, okay, okay, all right, you know, but we can't give up.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: We can't give up because it's it's a seasonal.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So um there will be more flowers in the end.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: We have to just keep keep that hopefulness so that we don't just give up, right?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so that we need to start thinking and dreaming about what seeds to plant and grow next for the next cycle, right?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, what does that what could that next cycle have have for us?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: What what opportunities are currently currently available to us?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: What skills do we have if we're we're if the career job situation is shifting and changing?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's like what what can we do?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and for me right now, what's providing me hope is is doing Light Bearers Library, is showing up and and cheerleading you and just sharing in the hopes that you feel not so alone.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it's like so for me, I'm trying to visualize what seeds I could be planting, you know, whether it's you know, one-on-one cheerleading sessions or whether it's small group, um, kindred spirit groups, you know, um whatever it looks like.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm just trying to keep my eyes on on the future and on the seeds that I'm planting and not the the massive um disappointments and despair and all the stuff.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: All the stuff, all the stuff.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if this helped shift your perspective, please do give me a thumbs up.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: That always helps me to know that this is resonating.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can s sense how this might shift if you are I can see that you've been living in this upward trajectory, I would love to hear from you in the comments about how this how this change in story could help you move forward, to not give up, to to be sort of dream anew, to believe that that things can get better.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know with the world the way it is, it it feels pretty, it can feel it can feel dark for lots of people.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if that's you, then I I I I'm with you.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with you.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to believe.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I'm at today.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I hope this was helpful.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wishing you so many blessings, and um, I will talk to you very soon.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: XOXO Kate.