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The Retirement Identity Crisis: Who Are You After Work? · Retire and Thrive

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  Welcome back to another edition of Retire and Thrive, where we
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  help you build your life with purpose, wealth, and confidence.
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  Welcome back again, Cody. Thank you so much.
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  I, I'm liking this. I, I get to ask you the
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  questions now and, and kind of put you on the hotspot and don't
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  really get to to prep you with too many of the questions 'cause
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  I want to see how it the raw response from you on some of
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  these things and. That's that.
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  That's great. But the great thing about having
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  you is I can flip the question. Once in a while too, because.
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  Yes, I've got, you know, 30. Plus years in this industry and
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  you've got 8 or 9 and I've seen a lot more than you, but doesn't
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  mean I can't come back and ask you questions.
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  Either so I know it's a dangerous game, I know it's a
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  dangerous game, but I want to play.
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  But anyways, last week we obviously talked a little bit
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  about your, the, the five perspectives when it comes to
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  retirement planning. And obviously the first one was
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  the Tuesday question, which is kind of a unique question to ask
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  yourself. And if you didn't see that, I
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  encourage you to go back and and listen to that and, and just
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  kind of understand what that means.
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  And so as we continue to go through the five perspectives,
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  the second perspective, which is I think is equally important,
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  but the identity question, the identity question, what?
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  What does that mean? So last week I did touch about
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  people losing their identity and so probably the best way.
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  For me to talk about your identity and again, I don't want
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  this. To be the.
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  Platform for talking about the. Retirement coaching program, but
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  we we go into granular details about losing that identity is
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  because I used to be. A senior manager at a company.
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  Or that is who I associated with myself with.
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  In fact, we go through one exercise.
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  Where we ask the question I am statement and then it's a blank
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  and they have to write 5 different different things down.
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  And then? What we do, I'm kind of being a
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  little bit of a. Spoiler alert here.
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  But then after they write these 5.
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  Things I am and they write it down.
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  We have them circle because the last workshop we had 80% of the
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  people retired and we had them circle.
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  How many of those are associated with your work?
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  And so generally speaking, it's well over half of.
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  Who they identify as. Is their work.
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  You know, I am a senior manager. I am.
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  A good boss or whatever it is so some of this identity shift is.
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  Real and I've. Seen it happen, but probably the
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  one question I will ask people is that if they're not retired,
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  Cody and I would just ask them the question.
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  Just imagine you retired next year at this time and you're at
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  some social event. What it whatever that social
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  event is and. There's a group of people.
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  And you're just standing around and people are saying where do
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  you fill your time? What is it that?
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  You were doing. And so that question alone of
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  who are you spending time with and what?
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  Are you doing? That in and of itself, can open
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  up a whole. Thought process about.
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  Am I spending time with the? People that I really want to and
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  am I doing the things that I really want to?
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  That's a that's a good point. And and how do you how do you
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  prepare for that? I think one of the biggest
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  things that I have curiosity about is, is literally you're
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  talking about people who've worked, whether it be at the
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  same place or with multiple companies, but typically it's 30
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  to 40 years long. That's a long time to now have
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  have your lifestyle completely switch and no longer wake up and
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  go to the office or log on to your your computer.
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  How do you even begin to prepare to figure out who you are
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  outside of that work environment?
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  Because you've been doing it your whole life.
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  You haven't had the opportunity, unless you're fortunate enough
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  to do so, haven't had the opportunity to kind of go test
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  the waters of unemployment, right?
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  Fun employment maybe, if you want to put it that way.
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  But you have no idea what that really looks like.
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  How do you prepare yourself to say what am I outside of work?
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  Right. And I don't think there's really
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  a right or a wrong. Answer on that.
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  I think it's more of everybody's going to be a little bit
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  different to some. People maybe have identified
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  their. Work as.
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  Who they are as a person and as you.
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  Alluded to after 30 years if you are with the same.
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  Company it is. Very, very difficult.
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  And so you know, my advice is. Often times.
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  To try to transition out of. Maybe your day-to-day grind, you
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  know we. Do quite a bit of work with some
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  corporate. Executives, and they're kind of
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  the. Stereotypical 6070.
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  Hours a week, grind grind grind and for them.
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  We generally don't. Advise a hard stop.
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  Like let's gradually work into. This because we.
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  Really want to see if you were able to slow that.
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  Pace down and I don't let necessarily like the whole, you
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  know, analogy, the treadmill, just grinding, grinding,
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  grinding. But that's what happens.
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  And and we see it and again, often times it's to get to this
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  goal. And as you had mentioned last
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  episode, which is our number 2 focus for our clients is to
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  enjoy that retirement stage. And I'm going to just make one
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  comment because I am in this category.
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  And I think depending on, you know, the age of our viewers,
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  but most of them tend to be approaching retirement or close
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  to retirement. But I.
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  See this over and over again this.
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  Pattern and I feel like. There's these different.
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  Stages, you know, we go, we go to school, we graduate either
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  high school or college. We get our first job.
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  That's the first. Time in our life.
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  That we actually have money and we just have this new found
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  freedom that we can go out and buy a new vehicle or we can take
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  a trip that we've never been able to afford.
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  And a lot of us get married, and shortly.
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  After we start having kids and we feel the pinch of.
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  You know everything from. Diapers to formula.
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  To daycare to this and that and you're, you know.
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  Not to not to spill the beans, but you're, you're starting in
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  that stage. And.
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  I won't go into a lot of detail other than to tell you that it's
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  not going to be too long from now.
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  I'm going to say about 14 years for you.
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  Your daughter's going to say daddy.
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  My prom, my. Prom dress is going to be about
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  $1800 and you're going to be thinking you're kidding me.
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  But my point is, is we but. I'll just I'll go to prom with
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  her. So there you it'll be easier.
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  So you'll make sure no other boy goes to prom with her, right?
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  Exactly. No problem.
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  But here's where I'm going with this is that you you start to
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  get this new found financial freedom and then you start
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  having kids and you realize the cost of these kids and then
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  finally the kids leave the house.
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  But then you've typically at least a lot of.
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  A lot of. Parents have college that
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  they're paying for and it isn't until after that, sometimes in
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  your early 50s, mid 50s and your kids are out of the house and
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  it's like you look at your spouse and you're.
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  Like, Oh my gosh, now we really got to save and you save and
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  save and save. So just think about the
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  psychology that for a minute. The last time you felt really
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  free to spend money was in your 20s typically.
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  And all of a sudden you're in your, you're approaching 60 and
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  you sit down with a financial advisor like us and we're like,
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  yeah, go ahead, spend money, have fun.
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  It just doesn't. Happen like that it takes.
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  Time and so going back to one of the keywords that I say over and
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  over and over and over again, you brought it up last week was
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  be intentional. What does that look like?
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  I can't say clients names, but I literally just came out of a
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  meeting this morning with clients of mine that have been
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  with me since 2009. This is not bragging about our
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  performance, but from 2009 they've aggressively pulled
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  money out of their portfolio. Hundreds of thousands of dollars
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  from everything from remodeling their home to buy a second home
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  to selling the home and downsizing.
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  And we started looking at their numbers and they are now 77 and
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  78. And what we're projecting if
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  they live to be 90 and very conservative rates of return,
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  they're going to have way more money than they had when they
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  started with me in 2009. And I just simply asked the
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  question which I would ask the viewers if those are your
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  numbers, Obviously a lot of assumptions.
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  Go into that. Is that the amount of money you
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  want to leave your kids? And of course, 9 times out of 10
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  they're like. Well, no and.
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  Because I've been doing this a long time, I can be fairly blunt
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  with people. And I said, if you don't really
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  want to leave your kids that amount of money, your health is
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  still OK, why are we not spending it?
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  And again, I've actually used the phrase I said, I'm not
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  asking you not to be good stewards of your money, but I am
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  saying if there are items that you want to do, be it remodel
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  the kitchen or take that trip or whatever, be intentional.
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  You know, it's not to get you off, but it, I can't stop
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  smiling over here because literally we were both in client
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  meetings. You were in one.
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  I was in the, in a different one this morning.
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  Also with somebody who's been with you since 2009, same year,
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  different stage of their life. And we had this exact
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  conversation saying they, they, they came to me saying I want to
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  maybe potentially give some more money to the kids, which is
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  great Love that they've saved up a bunch of money.
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  They've got now a wealth that they that they want to spend and
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  enjoy, but as time goes on, it's harder for them to spend and
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  enjoy that money. And so their desire now is
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  shifted a little bit from us to them and to be able to see their
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  children and maybe even grandchildren enjoy it.
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  And so very similar conversations, it sounds like in
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  in today's meetings this morning, but different stages.
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  And then like you say, I even told them, I mean, as long as
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  you're healthy enough to do so, I encourage you to spend it.
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  But if you can't, then let's talk about strategies to maybe
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  diversify this so you can see the the rest of the family enjoy
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  it and maybe when they need it more.
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  So I feel like your message there is that.
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  I've rubbed off on you a little bit, in a good way.
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  Yeah, absolutely. I am kidding, of course.
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  Yeah, but, but. But all joking aside, you know
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  this actually came from. One of your clients and I.
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  Love it and if you if you retire at 60 and let's just break
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  things up in. Decades from 60 to 7070 to 8080
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  to 90. And obviously every.
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  Day is a gift for all of us, quite frankly.
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  But their phrase and I think it's so relevant and.
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  And I think people might think it's a.
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  Little bit lighthearted, but like that first stage is the go
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  go years. And if you really think about
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  it, that is so true from 60 to 70.
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  That's when you're doing all. Of these things.
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  And then from 70 to 80, it's the.
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  Slow go years, yeah, you slow down a little bit, your health
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  changes and then right, of course, after the slow go years.
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  It's the not go. Years as fast I'll.
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  I'll phrase it that way, but how does that, I know we're going a
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  little bit off tangent here, but how does that affect a financial
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  plan? Because I think it can affect
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  when you're talking about 3 different stages.
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  I'm, I'm curious again, just throwing this out at you, how do
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  you interpret something like that when people go from go go
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  years to slow go years? Yeah, and, and it's mainly about
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  taxes and, and believe it or not, I love talking about taxes,
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  right. We've talked about it before on
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  the, on the podcast. I think retirement planning is
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  80% tax planning. And I, I say that because if
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  you're going to be more aggressive in the earlier years
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  of retirement and spend a little bit more, go on trips, do, do
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  travel, do gifting, whatever the case may be, a lot of people
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  save a lot of money in tax deferred buckets.
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  And, and if it's tax deferred buckets, you're gonna have to
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  pay tax on it at some point. And it may make sense to then
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  when you're looking at the bigger plan, even defer some of
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  your potential income like Social Security to draw on some
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  of these assets that have never been taxed and pay at 10 or 12%.
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  And again, I can go down a whole rabbit hole of tax planning
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  because all of these things are intertwined to make a single
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  decision. Taxes really depict a lot of
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  that. And having more control over
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  your, your tax bracket and retirement is very, very
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  helpful. And so circling back to what you
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  said, it sounds like having the ability to almost test drive
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  retirement is helpful and maybe even not have a hard stop and go
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  from retire from working to retirement.
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  But take what sometimes people refer to as a sabbatical and
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  take some time off and, and, and go on a long trip and practice
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  spending money because now you're going to be in an
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  environment where that's what your job is to do is to enjoy
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  the fruits of your labor. So is that right to say that
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  maybe taking a little bit of a test drive of retirement is a
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  good? Strategy, and I know we kind of
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  went off tangent a little bit on that question, but.
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  But yeah, that's. Exactly what I'm saying.
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  And I've even gone so far as if. People are like, well, I only.
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  Get 4 weeks. Vacation.
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  How can I test drive this thing well?
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  Find out if your employer allows for part time work.
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  And sometimes the part time work might mean every other Friday
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  off so it doesn't have to. Mean working just 20 hours a
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  week. It can mean.
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  Just reducing your hours somewhat.
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  And so, yeah, that's exactly. What I'm saying and and I even
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  had with clients that they're like, well, I'm an.
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  Hourly waged employee. They're not going to give me
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  more time off. And we'll just say.
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  You know what? Find out if you can take time
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  off without pay. Even even if you take time off
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  without pay, it's better than retiring and finding out that
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  you wish you hadn't. Retired so early?
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  So yes, it's about the numbers, Yes, it's about cash flow, Yes,
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  as you've alluded to, it's about taxes, but in terms of your
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  identity and your. Purpose, I think at the end of
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  the day. What we encourage people to do
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  is don't be too quick to sign on the dotted.
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  Line that I'm. Retired.
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  When in fact. You don't know what that.
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  Purpose looks like on the other side.
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  Well, like I said, we even had this conversation with with
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  potentially who want to work with us and they ultimately
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  don't become a client because they're not ready for retirement
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  because they haven't really thought of this stage quite yet.
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  And so I think that's just equally as important.
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  So it's not about leaving work, it's about what are you going
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  into the next stage? And I think that's just as
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  important. You always talk about a, a
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  special phrase about your, your present and your future.
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  I don't know if you want to share that making your future
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  bigger than your present and what that kind of stems from.
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  Right, so this is a. This is a quote.
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  From a coaching group that I've been a part of for almost 10
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  years called Strategic Coach and Dan Solo and the founder says
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  always make your future bigger than your past because if you
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  don't, your past becomes a bigger part of your present, in
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  other words. If if my future is not bigger.
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  And I don't have anything that I'm looking forward to.
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  All I'm going to do is reminisce and talk about what I used to
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  do. And I, I, I think that's so
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  relevant. In fact, it's even hit me pretty
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  hard when I look at my life. And you know, again, I'm going a
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  little bit personal here, but I looked at my life less than five
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  years ago and. I had pretty good life.
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  You've been a financial advisor even back then for 30 years, had
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  a couple of support staff, wasn't really making a big
• 15:02
  difference in in terms of the firm itself.
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  But what I realized is is. That when when I got into the
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  financial planning end of it, I could see that we were making a
• 15:11
  difference in people's lives. We are encouraging them to take
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  those trips, maybe buy that second home, whatever it might
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  be, but it. Was all due.
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  To the financial planning. And at that.
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  Point I made the decision that I wanted to help as many people as
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  we. Could but it.
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  Wasn't I? I couldn't do it myself.
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  And so that's when I made the decision to start building the
• 15:30
  team and building the team. Holy cow, have we ever built the
• 15:33
  team. And, you know, I joke with the
• 15:36
  younger generation, including Cody, that they, they're,
• 15:39
  they're very. Happy and excited.
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  About our growth and I like we haven't even scratched the
• 15:44
  surface. We got thousands of people we
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  want to help, and I mean that sincerely.
• 15:48
  So for me, it would have been very easy for me to hate to use
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  the word coast, but I could have been coasting, but it wouldn't
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  have been a nearly as fun. But more importantly, my future
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  is much bigger today than it's ever been in my my life.
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  And yeah, I just, I feel like. If people retire.
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  And their future is not bigger than their past.
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  Then they're just going to focus on their past and that becomes
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  boring. But thank you for asking that.
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  I wasn't even going there, but you're right.
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  And, and that's why I think this is so unique, the, the five
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  perspectives you talk about the fact that, you know, of course,
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  we're not coaching, you're doing this is just an added benefit of
• 16:25
  working with our team is I want to make sure our clients and,
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  and just the general population out there have a better
• 16:32
  understanding of how to be prepared for retirement.
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  It's not the finances necessarily, but it's the
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  mindset and it's the understanding and the
• 16:39
  comfortability to make that jump to retirement.
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  And so last week we talked about the Tuesday question, which I
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  think is awesome. This week we talked about now as
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  you're building your Tuesdays, what is that built of, right?
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  The identity question, How, how, how can you build that?
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  And so that's just the first two perspectives.
• 16:56
  And so I'm super excited to kind of go further down the road on
• 16:59
  the five perspectives. But obviously you guys, if you
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  can spend some time looking at it and, and we'll try to make
• 17:04
  that available for you to download.
• 17:07
  But the five perspectives is, is a very genuinely helpful tool
• 17:12
  that that Dan came up with that I think everyone could use.
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  Yeah. Well, thank you, Cody.
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  I think we're going to wrap up. Here.
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  But yes, I, I I I just. I want to make.
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  One last comment and I feel like being in this industry as long
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  as I have. This is becoming more.
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  And more popular. Where people are.
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  Really trying to focus on, you know, not just the Tuesday
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  question and, and what's my identity, but I.
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  Think our. Industry in general is.
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  So, so focused. On the numbers and it's just
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  dollars after dollars after dollars and how do I squeeze out
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  this return or how do I get this dollar and, and, and again,
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  that's all great. Don't get me wrong.
• 17:48
  That's all important. But I think.
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  The industry has been lacking in what do you want to do once you
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  retire that purpose, and that was the reason for the Five
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  Perspectives book. Yeah, that's very helpful.
• 18:01
  I like it. Yeah.
• 18:02
  So with that, thank you for tuning into another edition of
• 18:06
  Retire and Thrive as we post a podcast every week.
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