Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Airport Divorce: “Time To Head To The Airport, Honey…. See You At Baggage Claim”

Transcript

Airport Divorce: “Time To Head To The Airport, Honey…. See You At Baggage Claim” · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: Hey, the folks, it is Saturday, August first, and of
0:05
Speaker 1: course people in divorce every single day in this country. However,
0:11
Speaker 1: I'm just finding out that a lot of divorces are
0:13
Speaker 1: happening at the airport. And with that, welcome to this
0:17
Speaker 1: episode of Amy and TJ, where we are all going
0:20
Speaker 1: to learn this together. Because I had no idea there
0:23
Speaker 1: was a such thing as an airport divorce.
0:25
Speaker 2: It's a temporary situation.
0:26
Speaker 1: Temporary. Oh, so you got to go back to your
0:29
Speaker 1: marriage after.
0:30
Speaker 2: Yes, it's just a it's a reprieve. It's a temporary divorce.
0:34
Speaker 2: Airport divorce is not a forever thing. You don't have
0:38
Speaker 2: to sign papers. It doesn't mean that you're never going
0:41
Speaker 2: to see each other again.
0:42
Speaker 1: Now, when you use the word divorce in front of
0:45
Speaker 1: it with anything, it sounds bad, it sounds terrible.
0:47
Speaker 2: It's look, it's not my phrase, but it's a practice
0:50
Speaker 2: that's now been established for the past year. Airport divorce
0:54
Speaker 2: is a thing. And look, we all everyone talks about
0:57
Speaker 2: compromise in a relationship, right, that's what makes relationship work.
1:01
Speaker 2: You don't always get to do things when you want
1:03
Speaker 2: to the way you want to, and that's called marriage, right,
1:08
Speaker 2: called a relationship. Okay, but apparently, yes, that can be
1:10
Speaker 2: beneficial to learn that. But this is a trend where
1:14
Speaker 2: the focus is more on you so that you can
1:17
Speaker 2: do your thing, protect your piece, having an understanding before
1:22
Speaker 2: you begin your vacation that you all like to do
1:24
Speaker 2: things differently, and instead of one person compromising or feeling
1:28
Speaker 2: annoyed by the other, you just separate and then rejoin
1:33
Speaker 2: later at.
1:35
Speaker 3: The air Okay, define this for me.
1:36
Speaker 2: Doesn't this sound like a gen Z thing? I'm sorry
1:39
Speaker 2: not to throw an entire generation under the bus, but
1:41
Speaker 2: it kind of does.
1:42
Speaker 3: Okay.
1:43
Speaker 1: So you're saying, Okay, is there like a solid definition
1:47
Speaker 1: I'm piecing together. What you're saying is that people go
1:50
Speaker 1: to the airport who are traveling together and are going
1:53
Speaker 1: to the same destination, maybe even vacation, but they split
1:57
Speaker 1: at the airport.
1:58
Speaker 3: I'll see you at the gate, honey.
2:00
Speaker 2: Well, so it's funny you mentioned that because there are
2:02
Speaker 2: varying degrees, some people travel to the airport separately because
2:07
Speaker 2: they like to get there at different times. We'll go
2:09
Speaker 2: through the tiers, but i'll hit them for you. Now
2:12
Speaker 2: we can go into detail. Okay, some people go to
2:14
Speaker 2: the airport separately because someone likes to get there early,
2:17
Speaker 2: someone likes to get there late. Some folks yes travel
2:21
Speaker 2: together to the airport, but then they go to separate lines.
2:24
Speaker 2: Some people are really into their tsa PreCheck and others
2:27
Speaker 2: think it's a waste of money, and so they go
2:30
Speaker 2: into different lines and then meet up, perhaps at the restaurant.
2:33
Speaker 2: Some people say, you know what, I like to walk
2:35
Speaker 2: around and shop. The other one likes to go to
2:39
Speaker 2: the restaurant and have a beer, So they meet at
2:43
Speaker 2: the gate. Then there are people who will meet on
2:46
Speaker 2: the plane because some people like to board early, some
2:49
Speaker 2: people like to board at the last minute. And then
2:51
Speaker 2: there is the extreme couple, which we'll say for the
2:54
Speaker 2: very end.
2:54
Speaker 3: You haven't hit me with the extreme one.
2:55
Speaker 2: Now, the extreme one is that they see you at
2:59
Speaker 2: baggage claim at your destination.
3:03
Speaker 3: You're not in the same way. You don't even take
3:05
Speaker 3: the same flight.
3:06
Speaker 2: You actually sit in different places. Because someone likes to
3:09
Speaker 2: sit in the first class likes to pay for it,
3:11
Speaker 2: and the other person doesn't. There are couples who will
3:14
Speaker 2: take it to the extreme. So my point is there
3:16
Speaker 2: are varying degrees of airport divorce. But then the marriage
3:22
Speaker 2: is rekindled and apparently is better and stronger than before
3:26
Speaker 2: because neither one of you were annoyed at how the
3:29
Speaker 2: other person operates.
3:30
Speaker 1: Okay, now, do we have some expert advice on this
3:33
Speaker 1: or is this supposed to be a positive?
3:37
Speaker 3: Is this supposed to be helpful to a.
3:38
Speaker 1: Relationship by avoiding conflict or avoiding each other? It seems
3:48
Speaker 1: robes I can't tolerate you at a time, or we're
3:53
Speaker 1: supposed to be enjoying an experience together that initially seems.
3:58
Speaker 2: Crazy on its face. Okay, it flies in the face
4:07
Speaker 2: of what you would think. Most therapists or marriage counselors
4:11
Speaker 2: would suggest that you're avoiding difficulty, you're avoiding conflict. But
4:18
Speaker 2: I think they would suggest also from what I have read,
4:21
Speaker 2: that as long as it's mutually agreed upon and it
4:25
Speaker 2: benefits your mental health in an already stressful time. Everyone
4:30
Speaker 2: knows getting to the airport, going through the airport, getting
4:33
Speaker 2: off the plane, getting to back that is oftentimes an
4:36
Speaker 2: extremely stressful situation, but made better if you're with somebody
4:41
Speaker 2: you love and can pass the time with.
4:43
Speaker 3: I mean, so.
4:45
Speaker 2: That's how I feel. But apparently, look, this is pretty shocking.
4:51
Speaker 2: So fay travel Insurance, I don't know them. It's called
4:55
Speaker 2: Fay Travel Insurance. They actually did a survey. They posted
4:58
Speaker 2: this on TikTok, so everyone's talking about and do you
5:01
Speaker 2: buy this? They say, and look, it's this is a
5:04
Speaker 2: little clever how they phrase this. More than twenty five
5:08
Speaker 2: percent of travelers already divorce at the airport or support it.
5:13
Speaker 2: They support it, they think that's a good idea. A
5:18
Speaker 2: quarter of travelers believe that it's a good idea or
5:21
Speaker 2: they actually practice it. That seems like a high number
5:24
Speaker 2: to me.
5:25
Speaker 3: Twenty five percent already do this right or.
5:29
Speaker 2: Would do it? Yes, wow, that's a lot. But you
5:33
Speaker 2: think about we always talk about people. This is families
5:37
Speaker 2: more more often than couples. But we will see because
5:41
Speaker 2: you don't know if someone's traveling alone, you wouldn't know
5:43
Speaker 2: that they're separate from their spouse. But you will see
5:46
Speaker 2: families walking so far apart from each other in single
5:50
Speaker 2: file because they're annoyed with each other because it's been
5:53
Speaker 2: a tough day of travel. And we do usually get
5:55
Speaker 2: a chuckle out of it, because well, I'll get to
5:58
Speaker 2: the rest of the survey. We're a specif segment of traveling.
6:01
Speaker 2: You and I are yes, Wait, we airport divorce. No,
6:04
Speaker 2: we this is what they say people do at the home.
6:07
Speaker 2: Were the twenty travelers already divorced?
6:10
Speaker 1: Right?
6:10
Speaker 2: Eighteen percent say they enjoy sticking together, but there are
6:14
Speaker 2: ten percent who say they actually treat the airport as
6:17
Speaker 2: date time. And that is what we do.
6:19
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
6:20
Speaker 1: We pick out outfits and shit, we are we go
6:24
Speaker 1: nuts in an airport.
6:25
Speaker 3: We plan it out. Do you remember where that restaurant was?
6:28
Speaker 1: Okay, if we go to the terminal here, then we
6:29
Speaker 1: can get over here in time to see our girl
6:31
Speaker 1: at the bar that we are.
6:34
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I never thought of it as a date.
6:37
Speaker 1: You and I absolutely we pick out the car that's
6:40
Speaker 1: gonna pick us up. It's a whole thing. And we
6:43
Speaker 1: do a beautiful dance in the morning. It's a production
6:47
Speaker 1: of how we give you it is and who's gonna
6:50
Speaker 1: make the mimosas and the timing of it all.
6:53
Speaker 3: It's a beautiful dance.
6:55
Speaker 2: We smile on your face right now. Is so genuine
6:58
Speaker 2: and real because it's fun.
7:00
Speaker 3: It's great.
7:00
Speaker 1: So that's why I hear some of what you were saying,
7:02
Speaker 1: and I say, I think, damn, I hate people see
7:06
Speaker 1: a vacation as an opportunity to get away from the
7:10
Speaker 1: person you're in a relationship with.
7:11
Speaker 3: Because robes that first day is all about we're just
7:16
Speaker 3: talking couples.
7:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, family's a different story.
7:19
Speaker 1: Robes that first day to be at the airport, to
7:22
Speaker 1: be able to when you go through hell and TSA
7:24
Speaker 1: officers in the bad mood and shouts at you or whatever.
7:26
Speaker 1: You want to be able to look at your loved
7:27
Speaker 1: one to go, damn, they got you. You want to
7:30
Speaker 1: be able to enjoy and that with somebody. You want
7:32
Speaker 1: a morning momota, you want to sit there by yourself
7:34
Speaker 1: and talk to some business travel who's happy to be away.
7:37
Speaker 3: From his family. No, give me my word. Are you
7:40
Speaker 3: you want to shop? Let's go. Let's go do a
7:43
Speaker 3: little shopping and then we'll hit the bar next to it.
7:45
Speaker 3: That's what I want to do.
7:45
Speaker 2: That's what it is.
7:48
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you want to provide that for that person
7:50
Speaker 1: and have them provided for you.
7:51
Speaker 3: But you're doing it together, traveling together.
7:55
Speaker 2: Look, but you and I both know that we see
7:58
Speaker 2: a lot of folks and we have I have been
8:00
Speaker 2: in this position as well. If you don't travel, if
8:03
Speaker 2: y'all don't both share that same love of just the excitement,
8:07
Speaker 2: the anticipation, and it helps get through all the stress
8:10
Speaker 2: because you're going somewhere fun together and you're excited to
8:13
Speaker 2: be together. And that's I think the problem. A lot
8:15
Speaker 2: of people aren't excited to be together. We've seen those people,
8:19
Speaker 2: and frankly, I'll be honest, I've been those people. So
8:22
Speaker 2: it is it might be a reflection and I don't
8:25
Speaker 2: want to judge if this works for you and it
8:27
Speaker 2: actually helps your vacation start off better, and that has
8:30
Speaker 2: been the justification in terms of the why you kept
8:33
Speaker 2: asking about the why. They just say this is a
8:37
Speaker 2: way to keep the peace. People have their own ways
8:40
Speaker 2: of handling challenges, and you and I actually do have
8:42
Speaker 2: different ways of handling challenges. But I hope that we
8:45
Speaker 2: offset one another. When I overreact or when you overreact,
8:49
Speaker 2: we soften each other's feelings or moods in that moment.
8:54
Speaker 2: But look, they say, if you do what works for you,
8:58
Speaker 2: you can show up better for your part when you land. Okay,
9:03
Speaker 2: that is one school. If you say it again again,
9:07
Speaker 2: this is a quote. When you do what works for you,
9:10
Speaker 2: you can show up better for your partner, or at
9:12
Speaker 2: least be a little less irritable.
9:15
Speaker 1: That's okay. I mean, that's fine. It's that tough. What
9:19
Speaker 1: is it saying they call it airport divorce? Because this
9:22
Speaker 1: might be folks who are on the way to divorce anyway.
9:25
Speaker 1: What is it about? I am going to Turks, I
9:29
Speaker 1: have a vacation. We haven't had one in eighteen months.
9:34
Speaker 1: I'll see it baggage claim.
9:38
Speaker 2: I know, But we also see those couples pull side
9:41
Speaker 2: with their backs to each other, on their phones and
9:45
Speaker 2: not enjoying their time together.
9:47
Speaker 3: I just okay, and to each his or her own.
9:49
Speaker 3: And that's not a judgment on I don't know. I
9:53
Speaker 3: think about the what do you know what we compromise on.
9:57
Speaker 1: I am a really really early bird when it comes
9:59
Speaker 1: to getting to airport. I I book my car based
10:04
Speaker 1: on in case we get a flat on the way,
10:07
Speaker 1: to make sure I'll have time to get in another
10:09
Speaker 1: car and get to the airports to I plan out
10:12
Speaker 1: that kind of crap. And you know, I am you're
10:14
Speaker 1: you're not a rush person at all, but you don't
10:17
Speaker 1: go as early as I do.
10:18
Speaker 3: And you know what, what we do? We go, okay, baby,
10:20
Speaker 3: what about eight fifteen? You say, okay, well can we
10:24
Speaker 3: do eight twenty five?
10:25
Speaker 2: Well? Just negotiating a compromise. Yeah, do I think we've
10:28
Speaker 2: landed on our sweet spot. It's a little later then
10:31
Speaker 2: you would like to get there, and it's a little
10:33
Speaker 2: earlier than I would like to get there. But we
10:35
Speaker 2: always try to get there one exactly one hour before boarding,
10:39
Speaker 2: and so that gives you time for and that's how
10:42
Speaker 2: we have to form a stake, map it out. Yes,
10:45
Speaker 2: we've come to that compromise. But it took us a
10:47
Speaker 2: little while because if I think at first, you're like, hmm,
10:51
Speaker 2: that's not when I would leave, you know, But you
10:54
Speaker 2: figure it out.
10:55
Speaker 1: But that didn't take away from our experience. We work
10:57
Speaker 1: so much, we're around so many people all the time.
11:00
Speaker 1: The few times where we get to not have a
11:02
Speaker 1: computer in front of us, not have a TV screen
11:04
Speaker 1: in front of us, and we have to just be
11:07
Speaker 1: in an experience together. I love traveling with you.
11:12
Speaker 3: I love it.
11:14
Speaker 1: It is a blast because I am joining being with you.
11:19
Speaker 2: It is a date and I never thought about it
11:22
Speaker 2: that way either.
11:23
Speaker 3: But we're gonna have food, drinks, shopping.
11:27
Speaker 2: Airport dates all right when we come back. I told
11:31
Speaker 2: you some of the scenarios of the varying degrees of
11:34
Speaker 2: how much people divorce at the airport. When we come back,
11:37
Speaker 2: I am going to read for you the extreme example,
11:40
Speaker 2: and I can't wait to get your reaction. Hey there, everybody,
11:52
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Amy and TJ, where we are talking
11:55
Speaker 2: about airport divorces, and I promise to explain the extreme example.
12:01
Speaker 2: I read a couple of articles about this, but this
12:03
Speaker 2: one jumped out at me. This is a woman who
12:05
Speaker 2: has been married to her husband for seventeen.
12:08
Speaker 3: Years, so she's doing something right.
12:09
Speaker 2: Perhaps, yes, She says they travel about five times a
12:12
Speaker 2: year together and it was always stressful. Age Uh Nope,
12:17
Speaker 2: she didn't give an age, but she said they travel
12:19
Speaker 2: together about five times a year and that's a lot.
12:21
Speaker 2: But they said that it had always caused problems, always
12:25
Speaker 2: caused stress, and so they came up with a formula
12:28
Speaker 2: that works for them. So they split up at the airport.
12:31
Speaker 2: So they get out of the uber or whatever, they
12:33
Speaker 2: park their car and they go on their separate ways.
12:36
Speaker 2: They actually started beforehand with a book the same flight,
12:40
Speaker 2: but on different tickets. So she books her her ticket
12:45
Speaker 2: and he books hers his. He doesn't mind sitting and
12:49
Speaker 2: coach and likes the affordability of it. She prefers a
12:52
Speaker 2: different class. So she also sometimes knows that if she's
12:56
Speaker 2: separate from him, because she has so many more points
12:58
Speaker 2: than him, she'll get upgraded. So that's always the goal
13:01
Speaker 2: for her to be in first class, and he's cool
13:03
Speaker 2: with being in coach. Your face already is saying so much, okay,
13:09
Speaker 2: does she have more? She claims that she can't sleep
13:12
Speaker 2: on planes and she needs the live flat and her
13:15
Speaker 2: husband can sleep in ten seconds as soon as he
13:17
Speaker 2: sits down, so he sleeps anyway, so it's not like
13:20
Speaker 2: they would be spending any quality time. So she does that.
13:25
Speaker 2: Then they even say sorry, I said they split up
13:29
Speaker 2: during the air port, correct. They split up during the
13:32
Speaker 2: boarding because she likes to be the first person on
13:34
Speaker 2: the plane and he likes to be the last. She
13:36
Speaker 2: gets stressed out about the overhead bin space and he
13:39
Speaker 2: doesn't care. He doesn't want to sit down because he's
13:42
Speaker 2: going to be sitting down for several hours, so he
13:44
Speaker 2: doesn't care. If his luggage ends up having to be
13:47
Speaker 2: gate checked doesn't matter to him. So they literally split
13:50
Speaker 2: ways the moment they get out of that car. They
13:52
Speaker 2: do their own thing at the airport. She likes to shop,
13:55
Speaker 2: he likes to have a drink. They don't even board together,
13:58
Speaker 2: they don't meet at the gate together, they don't talk
14:01
Speaker 2: to each other on the airplane at all. And they
14:03
Speaker 2: literally meet at either customs or baggage claim. And they
14:08
Speaker 2: say when they meet at baggage claim, they're both refreshed, happy, relaxed, calm.
14:15
Speaker 2: There's been no fighting, there's been no agitation towards one another,
14:18
Speaker 2: and they're ready to start their vacation.
14:20
Speaker 3: So that worked for her, been married seventeen years.
14:24
Speaker 1: Nothing you can take away from that, I mean nothing
14:27
Speaker 1: you can if it works the works for them.
14:29
Speaker 2: I wonder how many couples are hearing that and go, yep,
14:33
Speaker 2: that's us. I've even seen people. Look, you see the
14:36
Speaker 2: couples who want to be together, and they ask people
14:38
Speaker 2: to move seats so that they can sit together. Always sweet,
14:41
Speaker 2: We've done that one or two times. I hate ask
14:43
Speaker 2: me only if it's a aisle for an aisle, that
14:46
Speaker 2: kind of thing, but I have actually when people have asked, said, oh, yeah,
14:50
Speaker 2: it's just my wife. I see her every day, happy
14:52
Speaker 2: to be in a different seat. Like I've heard people
14:55
Speaker 2: make that announcement, and honestly, that's two people who are
14:58
Speaker 2: very comfortable in their relationship, very comfortable in their love
15:02
Speaker 2: and don't mind some private time.
15:07
Speaker 3: You remember, it wasn't too long ago.
15:09
Speaker 1: I you, me and Sabine, and I gave Sabine my
15:14
Speaker 1: first class seat and I was sitting in the back.
15:16
Speaker 3: Yes, it was a tough flight.
15:18
Speaker 2: It was.
15:18
Speaker 1: It was a long flight because I wasn't sitting with
15:21
Speaker 1: you and enjoying that experience. It's just what we're used
15:24
Speaker 1: to and what we do. If it doesn't work for
15:26
Speaker 1: other folks. It just from my perspective that lady I
15:29
Speaker 1: don't want to. I have no criticism of her methods
15:32
Speaker 1: because they work for her.
15:34
Speaker 3: That is just awful to think about.
15:36
Speaker 2: I just think, you know what look and I agree
15:39
Speaker 2: with you. Everyone's relationship and we've learned this throughout our
15:42
Speaker 2: many relationships and our lived experiences. But knowing what it
15:48
Speaker 2: can be, I think in the experience we have together
15:50
Speaker 2: and how much we love and cherish that time where
15:54
Speaker 2: we get to be on an adventure together and get
15:57
Speaker 2: through some hard things together and figure things out together.
15:59
Speaker 2: And yeah, I'm sure I've pissed you off and you've
16:01
Speaker 2: pissed me off with how we operate, but you learn
16:05
Speaker 2: to do things and tackle problems and challenges together. Yeah, yeah,
16:08
Speaker 2: it's just happening while we're traveling. But yes, and look,
16:14
Speaker 2: it's not I want to say, it's not like we've
16:16
Speaker 2: always had these like like sometimes yeah, we're not in
16:19
Speaker 2: great moods, or we've we had a rough night the
16:21
Speaker 2: night before. But it's so funny because I feel like
16:24
Speaker 2: the forced to travel and the tackling of problems together
16:27
Speaker 2: kind of makes all of that other stuff go away
16:30
Speaker 2: almost like I know things are gonna be okay because
16:33
Speaker 2: we're gonna get on that plane and we're gonna have
16:35
Speaker 2: a blast. We're not gonna waste the opportunity. It's an
16:38
Speaker 2: opportunity that you rarely get and if you can, I
16:41
Speaker 2: don't know. I'm just it's a suggestion if you can
16:43
Speaker 2: look at it that way and say, I got my
16:44
Speaker 2: teammate here, and we're gonna we're gonna handle everything that
16:48
Speaker 2: this airport throws at us together and we're gonna have
16:50
Speaker 2: a blast, and we're gonna look at it as an opportunity
16:52
Speaker 2: to bond, even if it's trauma. Bonding in the airport
16:56
Speaker 2: with all the issues that are arise.
16:58
Speaker 3: Do you not do it? Most couple?
17:00
Speaker 1: So I maybe not, but shouldn't you relish just in
17:02
Speaker 1: generally speaking, relish the opportunity to be able to sit
17:07
Speaker 1: with your significant other and not have kids of yours
17:13
Speaker 1: needing something, or the phone being able to ring, or
17:16
Speaker 1: sometime not even having a TV. It seems like some
17:19
Speaker 1: private intimate time that we would value, that you would
17:23
Speaker 1: want to have with your loved one. And so yes,
17:26
Speaker 1: it's because we have a different experience now. It's hard
17:29
Speaker 1: to understand someone like saying that my level of comfort
17:36
Speaker 1: or pleasure in how I want to fly trumps.
17:42
Speaker 3: Spending time with you.
17:43
Speaker 1: And that's just kind of it works for other folks,
17:46
Speaker 1: and maybe it's not that deep for a lot of people,
17:48
Speaker 1: but for me, it's just saying, yeah, I want to
17:51
Speaker 1: board first, and you don't mind going into groups two
17:56
Speaker 1: and so nope, by like, I won't even board, like
18:00
Speaker 1: you know, it drives me crazy when our group is
18:03
Speaker 1: going through and we're not in that group and I've
18:06
Speaker 1: had to you're in the bathroom or doing something. I
18:09
Speaker 1: don't go ahead and board. I wait, I let you
18:13
Speaker 1: hear it when you get there. But it's just that
18:17
Speaker 1: experience is ours to have. I think about as running
18:20
Speaker 1: marathons together, we did all the training and now we
18:23
Speaker 1: get to the marathon day and I'm just gonna run
18:25
Speaker 1: ahead or trying to get something. No, we're in this
18:28
Speaker 1: shit together, and that's just it is. It is the
18:31
Speaker 1: best date you will ever have if you think of
18:33
Speaker 1: it that way. Yes, it's flying with your loved one.
18:37
Speaker 2: Yes, I think if we can, and I do think
18:40
Speaker 2: it does help when you've got someone by your side.
18:43
Speaker 2: It does help alleviate stress. And hopefully I don't know,
18:47
Speaker 2: I just sometimes I think it's if you just reframe
18:49
Speaker 2: how you look at things, it can actually change the experience.
18:52
Speaker 2: So how about an airport I don't know, rekindling an
18:57
Speaker 2: airport date, an airport date instead of an airport divorce.
19:01
Speaker 2: Let's try that, everybody, all right, And with that, we
19:03
Speaker 2: always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robot alongside TJ. Holmes.
19:07
Speaker 2: We'll talk so