Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Ask Banya: The Taylor Dilemma

Transcript

Ask Banya: The Taylor Dilemma · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing in and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in. Mike was not on.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: Mike was not on.
• 0:18
  Speaker 4: Today is a Dear Bonia episode. Email advice?
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: Yep, you know what.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I have this thing where I see people on like
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: podcast clips on TikTok of people giving advice, and I'm like,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: why everyone feel like.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: Entitled to have advices? And I was like, because we
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: have like full episodes when we do that. But we
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: also know we're not We're not really like we're sitting here.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: We're not sitting here saying we're clinically proven to solve all.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Your We don't act like we're like full philosophical or anything.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: We're just like we're acting as your friends who would
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: give you, Like if you were coming to us and
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: you're like, hey, BECs, Hey Becks and ton.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: I have a problem. What do you think about this?
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: That's how we see it.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it's is nice to just bounce ideas off
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: other people. It's not like we're saying this you should
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: take this advice and do it. It's just like this is
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: what we would do, right, yeah, and then make your
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: own decision.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: M hm, exactly so there are deer Banya episodes and ask.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you asked Mark.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm glad we can clear this up for everybody.
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: So dear Bonya is more of like an email response.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Ask Bonya is more of like an a m fire
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: rapid fire. Yeah, like, what's your favorite taco season?
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: Wait? Speaking of really really.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Human?
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, I just like a little blend, like taco season,
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: like blend. Yeah.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: So on the plane, not from Florida, yeah, but from Canada,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting with my headphones in listening to music, just
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: in my own world. I think my eyes were even closed,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: and the guy next to me taps my shoulder great and.
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: I was like Hi. He's like hi, so are you?
• 2:03
  Speaker 4: Are you from here? Like starts a full conversation. I
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: talked to him the whole flight because I was like, I.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Didn't have the it to be like, okay, my shoulders.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: I was like, this is so Tanya, you.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Know, it's very funny. On Robbie's flight to New York,
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: I texted him and I was like, hey, like, how's
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: it going or what are And I was like, do
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: you have someone next to you that you could talk to?
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: And he sent me a picture of literally the two
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: people sitting next to him, and they both were like
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: one of them was like asleep already on his shoulder
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: and the other one was like reading a book. And
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: he was like, no, chatter is in my and on
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: my block his dream.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, mine too. I don't want to talk to anybody.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I just want to put in my earbuds and watch
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: a movie because I don't get the time to just
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: sit and watch movies all the time. Oh it's bliss.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I this was like an hour flight because I had
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: a short flight in the long flight and this was
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: a short flight, so it's a really small plane and
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: we were like.
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: This, like I felt like we were this close to
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: each other.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Was so like, yeah, you're very well.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but didn't he like this guy was like flirting
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: with you or anything.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: So oh he wasn't.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: He was older, but he was super nice from uh
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: he lived in Newport. So we're talking about, you know,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: my sister and stuff. But he was like, oh, why
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: are you in Why are you in Canada? And I
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I'm visiting my girlfriend. So the whole
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: conversation I keep making reference like I went to Japan
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: with my girlfriend.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: Well, and so at the end of the.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Conversation, he's like, oh, so is your is your friend
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: that lives here that's working here. Is she also single?
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: And I hadn't said anything about being single, and I
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: was like, I was like, no, no, my girlfriend romantically.
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: And then there's this like fury.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Because I say girlfriends.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I say like I'm going to often when I say
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: girlfriend that it is like miss every time I say it,
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: it's misconstrued.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: I know, but that's what I'm saying because like people
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: often say, girl, I'm going to mix with my girlfriend.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: So I'm talking about going to visit my girlfriend. I'm
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: talking about my girlfriend's half Japanese. I'm talking about we're here,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: we go here, and I'm talking about a friend.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. I'm just saying I use the
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: term girlfriend girlfriends often.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: But it was a shock and so then you know,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: he was like, oh, that's amazing.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: But he was super nice.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: And but it was at the end of the flight
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: he found out.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, like for an hour we had a conversation and
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I referenced my girlfriend several times, and that's just that's
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: just kind of what it be like.
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: Sometimes.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: I think he was trying to work the angle, he
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: was working the situation.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: He was married. He was like talking about his wife.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Oh really yeah, okay, yeah, he was like, oh, like
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: we love we have a boat, Like next time you
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: come up, like, we have a house here, so if
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: we'll take you out on the boat.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: So he was very like, oh yeah, that doesn't feel
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: forty vibes to me.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: I sent nextuly a married man, so weird to say
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: like that. I sat next to a married man on
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: like a five hour flight and it was so weird
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: because I like, we talked the whole flight. It's like
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: five hours. We talked the whole flight, cut two and
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: I flew out there alone. Robbie met me out there,
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: and then when we flew back home, somehow Robbie sat
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: next to him on the flight back. I remember, this,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: isn't that so wild? Yeah, he ended up switching with
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: me so that I could sit next to Robbie, which
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: was very nice and kind, but love for Robbie. You're
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: you and your silent flyers.
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: You got me. Yeah.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: So today we have some emails that are really seeking
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: the hard hitting advice from the Where's Easton?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: Too?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Becca?
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: No?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Three days to figure that out?
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Well, I saw.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Him sitting at the computer, and then when we were
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: doing the days of the week on the last podcast,
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say it, and then I forgot, and
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: so then I just had that moment again.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: He is doing other podcasts right now. The true Yeah,
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: it's a lot.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: The podcast load around here is a lot lately, and
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Easton is in high demand.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but should not scrubbing in get number one priorities?
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Should But you know, we don't think that's his choice.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: We are flesh and blood in Burbank.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I can handle scrubbing in from a technical element, where
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: these other shows require Easton because nobody else knows how
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: to do it. What buttons depressed and what?
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Well, then don't take our time slot, understood, take that
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: back to the powers that be you.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not taking anything anyway. You're welcome. You know them,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: you have their number.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, So we have some email advice questions and Mark's
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: gonna take it away.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: We have a we have a hefty and they're good.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: They're good ones. Where let's start with Angelica. I have
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: been an avid listener of your podcast from the beginning,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: and I have always appreciated the insightful advice and perspectives
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you all provide. As my fiance and I are preparing
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: for a wedding in November. I've been using his computer
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: since mine has been temporarily out of order. During this time,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I stumbled upon a folder on his desktop page so
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: right there on the desktop with the girl's name on it,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: so out of curiosity, I opened it. To my surprise,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I discovered a collection of pictures featuring my fiance and
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: his ex from a previous relationship nearly eight years ago.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I'm torn between two options, and one hand, I could
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: bring this discovery to his attention, hoping for an honest
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and open conversation about the presence of these pictures. On
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: the other hand, maybe I should just leave it alone,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: assuming he's genuinely forgotten about them. What should I do?
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Do you know what's so interesting? For a long time,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I would be the person who would just I think
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: I would just kind of shut that off in my
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: mind and not say anything because I didn't like confrontation.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: But I cannot imagine in my relationship now not bringing this.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: Up to Haley.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: No, I never I.
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: Would not be able to to have any piece.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: She would know something was off with me because I
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: want to be able to hide it, and it would
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: just there's no way I want to immediately by the
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: end of the day of seeing.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: This, have to have this conversation with her.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Correct, absolutely, and it might be as simple as.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Like, I feel two things tell us he probably has
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: no idea its on there. Correct literally probably has no
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: ideas on there, So he's.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Just to be like I mean he might, but yeah, okay,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'll give you the guys respective for a second.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: I just don't think that he's like holding on to
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: this folder to like look at photos of his ex.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I just don't believe that. So my option is either A,
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: he just doesn't know that it's there so forgot about it,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: or B doesn't care to like delete stuff from his
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: past because it's like part of his life and maybe
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: he still doesn't know that it's there, but like never
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: went through like you know, girls like we go through
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: our phones and we'd like late Daldal like we just
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: like go like ham. I just don't think guys do that.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Guys like to document, Guys like to archive. Guys for
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: some reason, we I don't know if it's ego, but
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: we feel like it's important that we chronicle our lives
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: for some reason. This would have been something I would
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: have done and then had to have been told you can't,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: this is not cool. Totally would have done that. I
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: still have some it's like an old photo album of
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: some ex girlfriends and stuff, but it's not like this
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: where it's you know, all these photos of them together.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: But he's not looking at those photos going oh, how
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I miss her? Oh she was so wonderful. It's not
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: that he's just yeah, it's part of his life. And
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: so he's got those photos and he feels weird deleting them, Yeah,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: because why should.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: He, right in his mind, right, guys are weird.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: No, they're weird, They're just different.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: They're weird.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: I think if it was something to be worried about,
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: you wouldn't have access to get on his computer.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not hiding it from you. I think it's
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: an issue.
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so I.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: Think bring it up, because if you don't, it's just
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: going to eat it you. And I think his response
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: is not going to be one that is alarming.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I think you just say, hey, I
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: saw this today when I was using your computer, and
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I I'm not going to stop thinking about until I
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: talked to you about it, and I just, you know,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: is there.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Even say it wasn't nice of me to open the folder.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: I shouldn't have been like snooping. I get that, but
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: I did, and this is what I what I do see,
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: So you like take accountability for it.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, actually human Like if you're on Robbery's computer, there's
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: a photo that Yeah, if.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I like when Haley and I first started dating, well,
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: there's one thing. I went through her phone and I
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: saw like a text that I was like, you know,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: what is this? And I had to acknowledge that I
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: cross the line in privacy because it was nothing, and
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I had to, you know, own up to the fact
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: that I had done something that I shouldn't have been
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: doing in the first place, but also address what I
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: did see, right, And so I think that I think
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: that having the conversation is very important for your sanity.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: And I also think that it's not going to be
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: a thing.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I don't think so either.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: Men are so fascinating.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: You're good either way. But if it's bothering you, yeah,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: talk to him.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: They like to chronicle do I don't know what that is,
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: but we do.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Interesting from anonymous Hi Becka an Tanya and Mark and Easton.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Of course, what happened?
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: I lost an earring?
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Oh boy?
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: Oh oh no, it's on the side.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Never mind, price is averted a lopsided head over there. Okay,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I've listened to y'all since the beginning. I'm such a
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: huge fan. To make this one, I know.
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: I read this song last night.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: To make a long story short, my husband will not
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: allow our kids to watch any shows that have LGBTQ characters.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: He immediately turns off the TV and explains that this
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: is not what we believe. He has a long religious explanation.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I don't agree with this approach, but when I give
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: my opinion, I get shut down. I don't want our
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: kids to grow up thinking that anyone that doesn't believe
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: exactly what we do, or anyone that lived their lives
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: differently than us, have somehow less than or wrong or unworthy.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: How do I navigate the situation? I appreciate any input
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: from y'all.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: This don't this is this is tough.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: First of all, Anonymous, I love you because you're your
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: way of the I don't want our kids to grow
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: up thinking that anyone that doesn't believe exactly what we
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: do or anyone lives their lives differently is somehow less
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: than wrong or unworthy.
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: It's such an important mindset.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because beyond religious beliefs and doctrine and whatever, I think,
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: there's just the grander scheme of letting people live their life.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: And there's also this I keep saying. I always see
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: things where they talk about like hate is taught, and
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: this is the perfect example of that, because there's something
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: about believing in what you believe. But something about this
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: man that I'm note just from this email. I don't
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: like it because I don't like that she can't say
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: her opinion without getting shut down.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: Yes, so was it a belt?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: No?
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: I thought, like a frog in my throat?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, So like I really don't like that right
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: off the bat, because why does he get to have
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: his explanation about what y'all believe? But then when you
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: have your explanation, you get shut down.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: And the thing is too it's like relationships are compromised.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: So it's like he can have his hard stands and
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: you can have your heart stands. May you should be
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: able to meet on some middle ground, right, I don't
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: know what that is in this case. Yeah, But there
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: has to be some sort of maybe he doesn't want
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: it on the TV, so then maybe you show them
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: some books or like, do you know what I mean? Like,
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: there has to be some sort of middle ground that
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: you can.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: It's just that when you have this, when this is
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: how you raise your kids, then they grow up being
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: homophobic or being questioned. I mean, I lived my life
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: thinking that anyone who lived differently or believed differently differently
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: than me was wrong or less than like I very
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: much grew up in that mindset, and so I'm very
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: sensitive to that thinking about raising kids because in my mind,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, kids don't know they don't know race, they
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: don't know sexuality, They're just kids. And it's like if
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: if you have a kid that is different and lives
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: differently than you, and your child is friends with them,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: like what a gift that they got?
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: They're gonna have to say because maybe maybe they go
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: like I my parents put me in private school from
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: kindergarten to eighth grade, and I was literally the only
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: Serbian Orthodox in that building. Like it was all Catholics,
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: all just like totally Catholic families like cookie Cutter, Like
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: that's what you got. And then for high school, I
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: went to public high school, and it was like a
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: melting pot. I had ever every sexuality, race, gender, I mean,
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: you name it. It was like girlfriend, religion, and religions.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: It was like all the things. So like, I feel like,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: once I hit what is that ninth grade, I was
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: just exposed to everything, like literally everything, and so it
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: was like my parents couldn't They didn't shelter me. But
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, maybe these kids that she has, maybe they're
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: sheltered at home, but if they go to school, then
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: they're not sheltered. You know, maybe that could be the
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: middle ground that she maybe tries to push that agenda,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: like Okay, if you're going to shelter them at home,
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: like I'm going to expose them to the real world.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I think that everyone's entitled to their
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: opinions and their beliefs.
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: Like I do believe that because I if I get.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: To believe something, then someone else, even if it's totally
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: different and I don't agree with them at all, they
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: can believe something.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: But I just.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Don't like the not being able to compromise with your
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: partner on how you're raising your kids. And I don't
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: agree with that mentality. Obviously, I'm part of the LGBTQ community,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: so I have a very strong opinion against that mentality.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: But I am curious because you're a parent, and when
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: if there was something.
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: Where you, you.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Know, your wife didn't want your kids exposed to or whatever,
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: how you would navigate that conversation.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: It's hary that we talked about this a few weeks ago.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: The zigzag we make kids? Do you know? Kids love
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: everyone just instinct truly love everyone, and then they're taught
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to hate certain people, and then they meet those people
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: in real life and they realize, oh my gosh, they're
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: normal and nice and I love them too, and we
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: make them do this routine where if you just check
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: that out and just let them love everyone and encourage
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: them loving everyone, it's just a much easier life for them.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I think this is hard for me because I know
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you love your husband. It's your husband, right, But I
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: don't have a high opinion of your husband. It's hard
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: for me because I want to trash him, but that
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: would be rude because it's your husband and you love him, right.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I think that you too have to have an equal
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: say in how you raise your kids. Though, yeah, and
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: maybe that's the conversation, and maybe that's a private conversation,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: not in front of the kids, but maybe that you
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: need to have equal voices and he's welcome to give
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: his opinion and so are you. You shouldn't be shut
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: down when you try to talk about this sort of thing.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess it's just like an old narrative
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: where I feel like the men's voice, the man's voice
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: was like the voice of the household, you know what I.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Mean, Like it was just like whatever he says, good
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: kind of Yeah.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's a lot different. We've come a
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: long way.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: They're going to meet gay people someday, yes, right, and
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: then they're going to realize that dad was wrong. And
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: so I think, I don't know, I think they're going
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: to have to hear that from someone, and maybe it
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: is through books or the outside world. I don't know.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: But you can always do a passive aggressive approach and
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: try and find like some podcast that talks about parenting
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: and how you should expose your kids to you know, X,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: y Z and the benefits of it and then send
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: him that. So it's like somebody professional.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I just never wanted to teach preach anything to my kids.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I want them to find their own way in all things.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not religious, but I never preach that to
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: my kids, that hey, you shouldn't be religious or that
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: all that. I don't believe that nonsense. I don't. I don't.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: They can they can figure out their own path and
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: believe whatever they want to believe. And then I don't know,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Did we give her any good advice?
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Because I think it's just having a conversation. But I
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: don't know that he's the type of person that you can.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Rationalize and he's not going to hear it from anybody.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: I just hate that.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: That's that's such a complicated that's so complicated.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and what do you watch?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Like, I feel like everything's got a character that's somewhere
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: in the rainbow, right, But.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: I'm also like.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: What it's So it's such a simple conversation of like
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: sometimes boys like boys and sometimes girls like girls, and
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: it's like yeah, and then if you tell kids, they're
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: kind of like, hey, right, they're great. Yeah, So I
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: don't know. I'm not a parent, so this is a
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: tough one. But I also, you know, coming from growing
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: up in a culture where they believed more like the husband.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: It's harder to teach the hate than it is to
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: teach the love. It is so much. But that person
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: they are, they were born a boy, but inside they
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: feel like a girl. So they want to dress like
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: a girl and they want to be a girl. They go, okay, cool, yeah,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: good for them. Yeah, they could care less.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: About so many things too. It's like just so many things.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: I think it's just my biggest thing is not being
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: able to have a respect for I don't what I'm
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: gathering from this email is the lack of respect for hell,
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: what she believes, And I think that's what really bothers me.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: But good luck. We love you, and I love.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: You can get through anything. Yeah, you can get through
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: anything if you put work to it. We're get into it,
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: I think, So all.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Right, should we take a break and think about it? Here, Oh,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: let's tease. It's a radio technique. As we tease, let's see.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, here, I'll just read it. Here's a little
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: glimpse of our next email. My fiance and I got
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: into a heated discussion with his father when his dad
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: found out one of his sisters was not invited to
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: the wedding. That's nat.
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: Wow, we left you with the teaser teaser of the century.
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: All right, get to it Mark.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you from Sarah. Hi Tan, you're back at Mark
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: and Easton. I love the pod and I have been
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: a listener for many years. Although we don't know each other,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I feel like we would be great friends.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Me too.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I'm getting married soon, but my fiance got into a
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: heated discussion with his father a month ago when his
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: dad found out one of his sisters was not invited
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: to the wedding. We're having a somewhat intimate wedding, only
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: seventy people, lots of ants and uncles on all four
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: sides are not invited. This escalated and my father accusing
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: him of being embarrassed of him and his family. My
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: fiance is an only child of divorced parents, and his
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: father has been known to be stubborn and difficult. He's
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: been stewing over the argument that he texted us both
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: individually at three am to tell us he would not
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: be coming to our wedding. My fiance keeps telling me
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: he'll handle it, but I know it would kill him
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: not to have his father at our wedding. What should
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: I do? Should I still out of it? Should I
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: say something to his dad?
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Weddings are so complicated, the invite list and people.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: I don't I might just be like on a different planet.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: But like, I don't care if somebody doesn't bring me
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: a gift to my wedding. I'm not going to be
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: thinking about that in ten years.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like people say that now.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: It's true, I say it now, but like I just don't.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: I just I don't know, Like I think people just
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: get so wound up over so many things about weddings
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: when it's just like it doesn't need to it's not
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: that serious.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I that were worked out because we talked about this
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: on the radio show with Sisany. Sisney remembers everybody who
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: didn't give a gift at their wedding, and so do
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I really yes, uh, And it's not that we despise them.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: It's just always on the back of your mind. My
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: uncle Rick may he rest in peace, did not give
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: us a wedding gift, but he was at our wedding
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: drank from the free bar all night long. No gift
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: from Uncle Rick. Okay, oversight, who knows honest mistake loft
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: in the mail. I don't know, but it's always in
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: the back of my mind. Uncle Rick didn't give us
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: a gift, so that is so interesting.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't. I don't know that.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I don't wish ill upon him.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: I know, I know, but it's like, but it's that,
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: it's that like I don't know what the word is.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: It's just not yeah, but it's something. It's something just there.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: It's something like if I was a little yeah, right,
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: but I feel like people just get so it's like
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: they're having a seven Do you know how small seventy
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: people are?
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, seventy was like I think Dean and Kalin's.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: That is nothing, especially when you have large families like
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: that could literally be I don't even think that would
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: be our immediate family would be seventy more than that. Yeah,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Rob and I combined, seventy is very intimate. So the
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: fact that they're not inviting who is it his brother's
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: uncle or.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Something, her father in law, her father in law sister.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: The group's dad. Sister is not invited and Dad's making
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: a big deal.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Lot, Okay, but it's not it's their wedding.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But also, like my parents wanted to invite all
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: kinds of people, and we relented because they were helping
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: pay for it. So fine, you can bring your friend
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: from mom's friend from work came, Yeah, dad's cousin.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: But what if they're not paying for sure, But if
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: they're not paying for it, that we don't have that information.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: We don't have that. That is critical information.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: But here's the bottom line. To me, I think you
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: got to stay out of it. I think this is
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: between your husband, your fiance, and his father. I don't
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: think you get involved here.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything you can do to make
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: it better. I mean, unless you invite the sister.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: But yeah, just just say that, Just say invited her.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: It's not worth but it's not worth not having his
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: dad there, like, truly, one more person make it seventy one.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that opens the whole Pandora's box, doesn't.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: The other aunts and uncles are invited.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: If he's making us, if he makes a think about one,
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: you get the one and that's it.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: And then you get a plus one and could be
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: a sister instead of.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: His plus one and come give him a plus one
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: and come, I don't like, that's.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Not as good as Ringer.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: No, Ringer, that might be that was a good suggestion.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: If she wants to suggest to him, just screw it,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: just added to the list.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: Squeeze her and squeezer.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: But dad's having this temper tandrum. Do you want to
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: reward such a temper.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: If it's based off of him not going to.
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Then yeah you do. I mean, I can't imagine my
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: parents ever acting like this, but if it were, if
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: they weren't going to come to my wedding because I
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: didn't invite like Sally Sue, I was just feeling.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: My mom's sister's name, so.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: It could be further from my parents siblings like truly,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: But if they if they wanted me to invite Sally
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Sue or they're not coming, I would just throw her in.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I would.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: I would stay out of it one hundred percent, and
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I would just offer your husband your fiance, like, hey,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I want your dad. I know it's important that your
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: dad comes to the wedding. So if this is between
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I'm inviting one more person or not, let's just have
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: her come be her plus one.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Sure, and then back off and let your husband figure
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: it out. His family suck.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: So I this is why, this is, this is why
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: the wedding thing. I'm just like, I don't know if
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I can do it. I have so many I have
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: so many people that would be upset.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it's very stressful. I don't like it.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: I must feel like that's why I'm like pushing it
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: away so far, because I.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Better have a plus seven to Tanya upset. Yeah, I
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: got seven people that want to come. My neighbors down
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: the streets. They're fans.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: You're invited, but like it was close that.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sure.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: He made the cut.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: But I made both lists.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're on both lists.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, because there's a smaller list. I didn't. I
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: wasn't try to make the smaller list.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: There's a smaller breaking news. Well it's in case we
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: do this one venue, it has to be forty people less.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: Oh wow yeah big cut. Yeah, Godrick gets ruthless in there,
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: like I all six of you? Bye.
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: From anonymous. My husband and I've been trying to conceive
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: for five months. We're in our late twenties, taking all
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: the steps, changing our diets, vitamins, no success yet. I'm
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: a grooms woman in my best friend's wedding in the spring.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: That's a whole other. By the way, that's not what
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: his email is about, but that's fascinating me. I'm a
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: grooms woman. I'm my best friend's wedding in the spring,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: and I was hoping the timeline would play out that
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I would have a baby prior to the wedding. At
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: this point, that timeline is unrealistic. We've been friends for
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: over twenty years. He was also in my wedding. I'd
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: really love to be there. Getting to the wedding requires
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: flying or a ten plus hour car ride. Either would
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: be tricky with a newborn or in my third trimester.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: So my question is should my husband continue trying to conceive,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: knowing if I do get pregnant in the next few months,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: I may have to miss my best friend's wedding. Or
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: do we take a couple of months off from trying
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: so that I can't attend the wedding? For sure, my
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: hesitation with waiting is that I want to lose out
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: on a valuable time when we've already he had five
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: months of trying with no success.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, you already know my answer.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I have a strong opinion.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Oh oh really, what are your strong opinions.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I think you wait, oh, I think you keep trying.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: You have the rest of your life to she's they're
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: in their twenties, late twenty but this is this is.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: The phase they're in right now. They are trying. They're
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: actively trying. I don't think you stop trying just for
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: a wedding. You have no idea what's going to happen.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: This is a rest friend of over twenty years that
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: was in her wedding.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: In my opinion, well let's how about this. I give mine,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: she gives yours, then you to clear away.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Well you have to pick a side then yeah, okay.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I just feel like if you do get pregnant, how glorious.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: What if this is your opportunity get pregnant, live your life.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Don't base it on someone else's wedding. That's so odd.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: This isn't somebody else. This is her best friend of
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: twenty years, so they're in their late twenties. You cannot
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: try for two or three months and then continue trying
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: in two or three months for another.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: The priority is the baby and your family. You keep trying,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: and by the way, what are the odds that exactly,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: it's going to be in your third trimester, or you're
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: going to have a newborn. None of this may happen.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: So I think you keep trying, you keep the process
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: going in whatever that means, and then when it happens,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: it happens. You can't base it on somebody else's life.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Basic focus on you.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: This is a life, your memory. This is like your
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: best friend's wedding of twenty years that you want. You're
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: gonna have that memory for the rest of your life. Sure,
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: and she doesn't know it's gonna like I think.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: She can still go. She may be in her second trimester,
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: maybe the kid is six months old. We don't know.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: I mean, okay, Rebecca, so hold on, hold on, hold on,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: hold on. Do you agree with somebody.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I'm sure think of great?
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: Do you want to start the drum roll again?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, here we go.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: I have a feeling this is not gonna go well
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: for me.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I say, keep trying for a baby. Janya says, go
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: to this.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Wedding, take a break.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: If your friend's wedding, drink some alcohol, party it up,
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: live it up.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Alcohol should not be your priority.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: That's not it's her best friend's wedding. That's the priority.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Becca.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I think that you wait, and I think that you
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: I think that you have sex with your husband and
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: just have fun and not try and if it happens,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: it happens. But I don't think I think you take
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: a break because I think also you're probably very stressed
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: not getting pregnant at like they and trying.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: So if you take the pressure off and wait, don't
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: you just.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Happen bull In, Yeah, don't have any protection and like
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: do what you do, but don't make it like intentional
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: where you're like, you know, following a schedule where you're
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: you know, putting in the effort and work into like
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: when you're having sex. Not But I think that you
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: take the pressure off yourself, you wait a few months,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: just kind of do what you do.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: If it happens, amazing.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: Your friend is going to be so happy for you,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: because that's also a huge part of life, is you know,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: making that next step and if it doesn't happen, then
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: you get to go to your best friend's wedding and
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: enjoy yourself and it.
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: You know, it's kind of a hybrid and not really
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: it's more my side of the kind of.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Hybrid kind of what I said, she said, keep going,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: keep having sex. She said, wait, basically half and half.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: But I like what you're saying about taking away the
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: stress of it. The stress of it is a lot
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: is the ovulation timers and all that stuff that take.
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: That, the vitamins, the diet.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: Just like, oh my gosh, I'm already stressed that about
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: that stuff. And I'm not even trying for baby until
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: after we get married, and I'm already stressed doing blood
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: work in this and that. It's very I.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Know, and I stress a lot of times when people
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: either go Okay, we're not going to do that anymore,
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: they end up getting pregnant.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, so Becca has the best advice.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: Wow it guys, really my Also, it was.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: A hybrid of the exactly fifty to fifty, but it
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: was a team effort.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: More so much it was a team effort.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Let's see, this is from a scrubber in need, which
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: one a scrubber in need.
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: Which aims from a scrubber in need?
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, Hi, Becca, Tanya Marcern Easton, I'm a longtime listener
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: and found of the podcast. Thank you for brightening up
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: so many of my days over the years. That's my
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: favorite part of that first line. I moved into a
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: house with my friend and her boyfriend over a month ago.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I love the house, love the location, love the rent,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: and the friends. After two years of travel nursing, It's
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: the first place I've called home in a while, and
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I'm very grateful for it. That being said, two story house,
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: all the bedroom's upstairs, and I can hear my roommates
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: doing it at least three to four times a week.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: It's even woken me up before. I'm happy for them,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: and they're presumably fantastic sex life, but boy, it really
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: makes me feel weird. Do I say something? What do
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I even say? I've lived with other couples before this
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: has never been an issue, and for reference, were on
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: her late twenties and early thirties.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: Definitely need to say something.
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: It's so funny because like, if this was you, I'd
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: be like.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Yo, yeah, I heard everything.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: I would too. I would say it too, because because
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: you don't want you don't want to be heard, just
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: as much as I don't want to hear you.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Right exactly, Yeah, Like I think your friend would be like,
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: oh my god, I am so sorry.
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: I had no idea.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: I mean, the thing, the other option is that you
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: put your head noise canceling headphones in and.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: How some white noise because honestly.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but here's the thing, this is their house. Yeah,
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: they should be able to have sex and be as
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: loud as they want.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: They can't. They have to do it quietly from now on.
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: You would hate that.
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: First of all, put a pillow over your head and
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: call it a day every time whatever, if your if
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: your roommate is hearing it, and you can also they
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: can maybe try and have sex on nights when like
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: you're out partying on the town or maybe you're out
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: of town, or.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: Like maybe they can cater to like waiting till you're
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: asleep or I don't know, like I would want to know.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: I would want to know.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: I definitely think you just let them know.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because they keep doing it, then do the white
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: noise and the noise counseling headphones whatever, but like you
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: have to let them know.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: I wonder if her room is like right next to theirs,
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: like if there's another room option, you know, like further
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: down the hall or something like.
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: If they're sharing a wall. That's really hard because that means.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: I used to hear my room. It wasn't even my roommates.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: It was the apartment next to mine. I could hear.
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: Mine by the way wall.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, this was not was Cheeky's wall.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Morning show.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: I would hear his TV like I could hear the
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: TV on. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying,
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: but I could hear the TV on from my other
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: room against the Yeah, I was like, you know, if
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: I hung out in this room a lot, I might
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: hear something. Well.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: I definitely think it's a conversation because I think she
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: would not want to. I don't think she'd want you
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: to suffer through hearing them have sex three to four times.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: They could conscious.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: It's really hard because it's like it'd be one thing
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: that she was just staying there for a couple of weeks.
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: But if she's a traveling nurse, she probably does.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: But if there han't it three or four times a week,
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: that's not just like once here and there.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Definitely, Okay, this is from Ashley. Could we move on?
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: So the advice is that she should have a conversation
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: with her friend.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe, but I guess, yeah, maybe just her girlfriend, Yeah,
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: not the boyfriend. I agree, Yeah, that's good.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Hey, did you know you can hear everything through these
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: walls in this house?
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah? This is way to do it more subtly, or
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: you could record it.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: It's yeah exactly.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: From Ashley High, Scrubbing and Fham. I need your advice.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: My best friend and I are major Swifties. I'm so
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: grateful we're able to get tickets to the Eras tour
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: in October. We've been counting down the days since last August.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: This week, my boyfriend's brother surprised his family me included
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: with tickets to the tour for the week before. My
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: friend and I are going. Oh my gosh, I said
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: to my boyfriend, I don't think I can go, and
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: it has not gone over well. My boyfriend also likes
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, and I can understand wanting him wanting to
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: have the experience together, but it feels wrong one of
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: my best friend that I've been planning this for over
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: a year. Am I completely del lou side note, I
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to see this
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: show twice when most people can't get tickets at all.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: If I could pass along my ticket to a fellow swifty,
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't a heartbeat I love the podcast and thank
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: you so much for your advice.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: Here's what this.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Happened to us. To us, Yeah, I have this situation
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: feels familiar to me.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: It does.
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: Well, I wrent with Haley and then went with you
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: and the group that.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: Were gone prior with Robbie as well, So it wasn't
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: necessarily this, but I do remember it.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I do recall well, we had an issue in my
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: family that my youngest got invited to go with her friends,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: and so my oldest freaked out, not knowing that I
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: was working on getting tickets from the radio station, which
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: I did, and so we all went together, including the
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: friend and her family, and so it worked out great.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: But for a couple of days, Oh, it was toxic
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: in our house. Yeah, that was bad.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: Here's my thing.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: If he knew that you had this plan with your
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: friend for a long time and he's still got tickets
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: for the week.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: After, It's like if you say to a friend that
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: you're gonna watch a movie together, Like let's say we're
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: all waiting for like the Barbie movie to come out.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: We're like, we're gonna watch it together. We're gonna go together,
• 37:13
  Speaker 3: and then you go with someone else the week before.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: That's ft. You can't go go with who anyone else
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: besides the friend that you got the tickets? Well, and
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: you're like so stoked to go together, Nick, you made
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: that like a thing. You can't go prior.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I'm team if you have a team team friend, yeah,
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: because I think it's so nice that your boyfriend's brother
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: got y'all all the tickets. But I think that you've
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: been planning this with your best friend, and I don't
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: think it would be fair. I mean, my brain is like,
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: go to both, but I'm assuming there's a plane ticket
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: or something involved where it's gonna be more money or something,
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: or it's.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: A friend saying like what the hell, bro Like we
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: were supposed to go together.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Before, and then if you said to Tanya, by the way,
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go Taylor the week before, Chill I did.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: The Taylor movie. Remember, we were like, we're going to
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: see it, and you're like, I got the theater. I
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: rented out the theater for everybody and invited to the premiere.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: I'm going a week before you. I was like, hmmm,
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: that's not nice.
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: Oh I'm sorry, I did that bigger better offer.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: It was, Yeah, that's like quintessential l a dilemma and
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: you fell trapping. I did. I didn't stick to your friends.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: I took the shiny object. I did, and it was
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: not nice.
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: And she sat right in front of me.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: It was not nice, right in front.
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: Of me with their dancer.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: To betray your friends.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: To sit in front with Taylor foot from you. Yes,
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: I shouldn't have been shocked by the fourth of July.
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's a full circle.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: This is so so. You're saying, ditch the fam, sick
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: with the BFF.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Friends wants to take her, he wants to go with her.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: I know, but sorry, I already made a commitment. I
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: am a woman of my word, committed to my friend
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: to going the two of us together for the first time.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: And it's important for me to keep my word. You
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: want me to be loyal as in a partner, as
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: a partner, this is me.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: Your boyfriend's gonna go without you to Taylor Swift with
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: his family a week before you go. Yeah, it would
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: kill you that night that your boyfriend's at the show
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, would kill me.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: Songs he would get.
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: Oh that could be crazy.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: I wonder if they could get just like an extra ticket,
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: squeeze the friend in for that night.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: But boyfriend's brothers seems very generous.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my gosh, yeah, it feels like a lot of
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: tickets the family. Yeah, fam got it tickets. Yeah, I
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: would say which seat is better?
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: That's actually a consideration. And that's a really good point.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: Yes, mess up. I don't co sign to that.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, So weird is about that?
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: What if the brother got them tickets that are like
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: down close to the stage, and your tickets with your
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: girlfriend upper deck.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: Packed with her girlfriend to do this is the Monday
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: by the way, that's how I yes, Monday, the Monday energy,
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: that's the Saturday energy.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Well Thursday talking over here that that's how we won
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: that with the friends is I got better tickets to
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: the radio station. By the way, I had to pay
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: for them. Now we didn't get freeviews or anything. Then
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: the family got family got upper deck tickets. My tickets
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: were down close. So week of those are the kids
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: and the parents set up above, And that's how it
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: all worked out. But that's a factor here. We cannot
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: pretend that's not a factor here.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: It's irrelevant.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I think you say to your boyfriend, I love you
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: so much. And this is a really, really hard and
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: complicated decision. But I made these plans for this concert
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: to go with my best friend, and we've loved Taylor
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: Swift forever and this is going to be like a
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: very special night. And I would feel bad going and
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: seeing the concert, you know, a week before we're supposed
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: to experience it for the first time together, to be annoyed,
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: and he will be annoyed, and he I hope we'll
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: get over it and you can give the ticket. Maybe
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: there's someone else in the family who would love to go.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is hard. It's not that hard.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I think it is.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: I think it is too stay loyal and true.
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: I think i'd go.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: Before I think I think my I also would like
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: to think that my best friend would be like that
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: is so exciting that you get to go twice.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Like I get your friend's reaction.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Because a really really solid friend would be like, that's amazing.
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: You get an opportunity.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: Because like if you were like, oh, you get to
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: go and be in the same theater as Taylor Swift,
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: even though you're going to see it before me, that's
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: so epic.
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: I did.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: That's what I said.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: You're holding it against me.
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: Well, right, but I let you go. I did not stop.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: It's more of the support of like feeling like, oh,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I my friend, like understand, like Tanya, understand, I did deal.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I did right. If you'd just slash your tires to
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: stop exactly.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: But maybe maybe you have a conversation with your friend
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: and you say, hey, this came up. I am so
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: torn because like I really wanted to experience it with
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: fresh eyes with you, but I have this opportunity to
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: go with the family.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I didn't know this was going to happen, Like.
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: How do our suggestion run it by the friend if
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: she's really hurt?
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: Stayed the right things, but inside you can tell her.
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: Friend, yeah all right, because it was the best advice
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: we gave the whole show. I feel like my my
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: pregnance like that was good too. But that was that
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: was ending. That was a good end.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: That was also like piggybacking off of my combination, the
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: best of both, just like I took Monday and Thursday
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: and gave them Saturday.
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Florida.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: Is that it I think that's it.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: What a show?
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: What a show? Another dear Bonya.
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: And yeah, but you know how you listen to this.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: If there are any suggestions that you may have to
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: us about, maybe guests, you would like to see, things
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: you would like us to talk about, maybe some in
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: depth like I've you know, contrary to Marx beliefs, people
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: are into cycle sinking. And you know, if there's some
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: some some topics that you would like us to hone
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: in on, let us know either DM us or send
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: an email to scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: Com or DM Crystal.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: You can post on the Facebook group.
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we see it all.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: I get lost in the Facebook group a little. I
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: don't know how you see all those.
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just go the page.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: I can see when people tag me and stuff, but
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: if they if.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not tagged, it's everything.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: Please please tag me.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: Give us suggestions. We love hearing from you. Love you
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: so much, Love you so much. Happy Thursday, Love you by.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: Sam.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Listening to us, Sam dosed off about a half an
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: ho the shiit, what's the best