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Positive Affirmations for Mental Well-being · Talking FACS

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  Welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  This nationally recognized, award-winning podcast is hosted by the University
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  of Kentucky Family and Consumer Sciences Extension Program.
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  Our educators share research knowledge with individuals, families,
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  and communities to improve quality of life.
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  Hello, and welcome to Talking FACS, what you need to know about family,
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  food, finance, and fitness.
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  I am your host, Mindy McCulley, Extension Specialist for Instructional Support
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  with Family and Consumer Sciences Extension at the University of Kentucky.
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  We are housed in the Martin Gatton College of Agriculture, Food, and Environment.
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  We are going to talk today about positive affirmations for mental health and well-being.
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  And my guest is Dr. Kerri Ashurst, Senior Extension Specialist for Family and
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  Relationship Development. Welcome, Kerri.
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  Hello there, Mindy. How are you? I'm great. And I love this topic because I
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  think so often we hear about the negative aspects of mental health,
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  but talking about all of the positive.
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  Aspects is just a boost to our well-being and a boost to all that is good and
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  bright with the world. Right.
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  Tell me, how can we make our mental health a positive, healthy aspect of our daily living?
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  Well, what you said is just so true. We tend to focus on the negative all the time, don't we?
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  And I know I am the worst at times. Once I've already had several things hit
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  me and stress me out, then all I seem to be able to focus on is the negative.
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  And once I get there, it's a little little bit hard to get myself back out of
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  it at times you know yes we get that song don't we right.
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  It's like a morass that pulls us down, right? And those negative thoughts can
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  lead to more negative thoughts.
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  And I don't know, for me, it just feels like it's a vicious cycle sometimes.
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  And that cycle of negativity can really result in more stress and anxiety for
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  me when I'm at a time when I don't need it anymore.
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  Maybe we should think of it instead of like quicksand, maybe we should think of it as caramel.
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  Because quicksand will suck us in and pull us out. But caramel is lightly sweet.
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  And so maybe we can make it a little bit more enjoyable.
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  I like that. And yeah, when we think about negative creating more negative,
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  I think we can also remember that positive can create more positive.
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  Exactly. I remember very long ago, my grandmother always said that a smile is
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  just a frown turned upside down.
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  And so we can make those smiles go a long, long way if we can get someone else
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  to turn their frown upside down.
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  Sure. And I think we need to remember that we've got to add positive thoughts
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  into our lives whenever we can.
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  And sometimes it's directing those toward ourselves.
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  Sometimes that maybe is directing it towards someone else. One thing I can think
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  about with you and I working together in the same building for years is,
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  you know, maybe you're having a bad day and someone walks past you in the hallway
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  and instead of just saying hi or maybe walking past you without saying anything at all,
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  They say, oh, Mindy, that shirt looks really good on you. Blue is your color.
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  Ah, yes. You know, and you've had a bad day already.
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  Does it kind of change it up? It sort of stops you in your tracks in a good
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  way, right? Exactly. It does.
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  And so that idea of just applying some of those positive affirmations to ourselves
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  and to others, I think, can really stop us in our tracks in good ways and help
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  us focus on the positive in our lives instead of just the negatives.
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  And encouraging ourselves, encouraging others.
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  Sometimes it's just in our own heads and not even necessarily out loud.
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  Short statements that we can use to help get out of that negative focus and
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  kind of force ourselves forward into a more positive frame of mind.
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  And, you know, it's something we can do anywhere. Again, it doesn't have to be out loud.
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  We can, you know, think about things while we're lying in bed.
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  I know I lay there in bed a lot at night while I'm trying to get to sleep,
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  thinking of a lot of negatives or a lot of what ifs.
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  And I don't always focus well enough on the positives and the things to be grateful for.
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  Carrie, love what you say about encouraging others.
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  And that's probably where I maybe don't need as much help.
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  But where I do need some help is remembering to have some grace with myself,
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  because that's where I seem to really focus my negative thoughts.
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  You know, I tend to blow things out of proportion when I have something bad happen.
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  You know, all of a sudden, I think that I have, instead of sinking the dinghy,
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  now all of a sudden I have sunk a cruise ship, you know.
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  And so how do I get myself out of that, all of a sudden turning this little
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  bitty bad thing that's happened into this major catastrophe?
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  And I think it just takes practice. We've got to start by reminding ourselves
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  whenever we're going toward all
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  of those negatives to try to focus on the positives, but it's not easy.
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  And I think the more that we do it, the more natural and easy it does become over time.
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  Time and when we can change our frame of mind from
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  that negative to positive we can certainly feel our stress begin
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  to reduce a little bit even during what is frequently
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  a stressful time or something that's hard like you said with
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  being tough on yourself for you know that self-focus for me it seems to be other
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  focus at times with things i can't control where i get the most negative and
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  so one example that i almost have to laugh at myself about is driving i can
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  get I can go from a great day to really negative,
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  really fast when I'm around other drivers.
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  My focus just only goes toward the negative at times.
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  And I don't always do a good enough job of sitting there and trying to remind
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  myself to think about the positives that have happened in my day.
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  Or maybe if I'm in the car with my child, focusing on positives with her or
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  anything, instead of focusing on all the things around me like other drivers that I can't control.
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  Right. And of course, we do want to focus on those drivers because we don't
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  want to have an accident happen. Right. Right.
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  At times, if we can have things that help us draw our attention away from the
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  bad things they're doing.
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  So, you know, for me, I have learned that if I can have some upbeat music playing,
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  then that helps to maybe lighten my spirit a little bit.
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  And I will never, I know that it is fun for me to have fun music playing.
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  And one day I was dropping my granddaughter off at school.
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  And when she got out of the car, the helper said, boy, you're going to have a great day.
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  Your Mimi has some really fun music playing. And I thought, oh,
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  maybe I have it playing a little bit too loud.
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  That's a great story. Yes, I use music in the same way.
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  And even, you know, again, going back to my daughter being in the car with me or something,
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  Just try to focus on what was good during your day or what were the things,
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  you know, when things have really been bad that you were able to control or
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  you were able to have some difference with,
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  or maybe it's even focused on what were some things you did that were kindnesses
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  to others or that someone else did or said that were a kindness to you.
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  And so just, again, reinforcing your own value, your own self-worth,
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  and then focusing sometimes times on the things that we can control instead
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  of all of the things that we cannot control in this world.
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  It can sure affect us in positive ways.
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  Oh, I think that's great. And modeling that behavior because our kids have to
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  see us having real experiences.
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  So sometimes we are going to fail, but letting them see how we pull ourselves
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  out of it is a great way to give them them the resources to deal with the situations
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  when they have a little bad day too.
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  That is an excellent point. And that role modeling piece can never be understated.
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  And I think that's one time too, when we think about affirmations that we might
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  say to ourselves, but in front of our kids or the younger generation that we
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  can say them out loud for them to hear.
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  And it might sound a little bit cheesy at first, but that idea of being able
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  to say to ourselves out loud, I have faith in myself.
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  I can do this or saying it to someone else.
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  I have power in this life. I can achieve my goals.
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  I have things to be thankful for and listing out or stating out loud what some
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  of those things are that you have to be thankful for in life,
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  rather than focusing on all of the bad things that have happened.
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  Those are just a few examples I can think of, but you really made me think about
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  it from the standpoint of not just saying it as sort of that self-talk,
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  but even saying it out loud sometimes in front of our children.
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  Oh, yeah. So many times I fall short, but I want to always make sure that I
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  recognize that I can do better.
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  And I want to make sure that when I do better, I show somebody else that they
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  can do better too. I have these little people in my life and.
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  They're going to grow up too and find ways to be better too.
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  So I hope that we always give them the opportunity to find ways to be better. Right.
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  Yes. And also giving ourselves grace and practicing really good self-care and saying,
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  maybe I didn't do as good of a job with this as I wanted to,
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  but I have value and I can practice self-care and I can give myself grace and things like
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  reminding ourselves that I shouldn't feel guilty when my needs come first or
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  when I need to do something to take a little break in life,
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  that that is absolutely all right and it's okay to ask for help.
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  All of those can be positive affirmations we can give ourselves too, that I gave it my best.
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  Now I've learned some things. Maybe it didn't go quite the way I wanted,
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  but now I've learned some skills and some coping mechanisms I can use the next
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  time I face a similar stress and looking at that from a positive standpoint too.
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  When my children were small, they knew that if mama said she needed to go take
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  a bubble bath, that it wasn't because I was dirty.
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  It was because I needed a timeout.
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  And they knew that I had either done something bad or that they really needed a timeout from me.
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  And I think you just hit on the biggest, most positive one of all,
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  which is that idea of loving ourselves and reminding ourselves that we are worthy,
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  that we deserve happiness.
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  And sometimes those come in
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  the form of needing to do for ourselves or needing to take those breaks.
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  Yeah. And everybody can use a bubble bath every once in a while.
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  There's something about watching the bubbles form and blow around the bathroom
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  that just kind of relaxes everybody and gives you a chance to kind of reset, right? Yes.
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  And I love some of the different metaphors you've used today with caramel and bubble bath.
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  Bubble bath might not be someone's thing, but what is your bubble bath out there in the world?
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  And remembering that each day has good things in it and we can choose to focus
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  on the positive and we can choose to embrace our power and remember that even
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  at the worst of times that there are still some silver linings and some good
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  things that can come out of all the experiences and reminding ourselves that we can get through it.
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  Yeah. You know, even some days that are rainy and even when it rains though,
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  that's a chance to wash everything clean and start over fresh and it's okay.
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  It's all good because the sun comes out again, right? That's right.
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  Carrie, thanks so much for sharing with us today. I think this is a conversation
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  that we can continue and find more silver linings in the clouds and the possibilities
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  are endless lists for ways that we can find to bolster our mental health.
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  Absolutely. Thanks for having me today, Mindy. If you are just tuning in,
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  you are listening to Talking FACS, and you can find us wherever you listen
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