Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 87 - Homeschool, Healing, and a Six Figure Business; Jake's Story of Resilience and Redemption

Transcript

Ep. 87 - Homeschool, Healing, and a Six Figure Business; Jake's Story of Resilience and Redemption · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: I want you to see the beauty in the ashes here. Share a little bit about that history.
• 0:05
  Jake: They got divorced when I was 16. My dad, in a few words, not a great guy. Lots of gaslighting. One day, it's incredible that we were homeschooled and what we did that day. The next day, I can't believe you are treating the kids this way.
• 0:30
  Christy-Faith: Welcome, friends, to today's episode of the Christy Face Show. I might be a little bit unhinged because I have a friend on today. And Jake, we have been talking about this. Has it been three years? Or Has it been three?
• 0:44
  About we've been talking about having you on the show for so long, and I gotta tell you, Jake is one of my favorite people on the planet. I think it's really important for the listeners of my show to experience a homeschool graduate, young ish adult who was homeschooled all the way. What are they up to? What are they doing? What's their perspective on their homeschool experience?
• 1:12
  And today, I just wanna warn you ladies, we're gonna go deep because Jake is a deep person. We love talking about real life, and I have some heavy hitting questions for him to really get to the bottom of how he feels about homeschooling, what is he up to now. I wanna share with you a brief background, his bio so that you know who we're gonna be talking to today. Is this an episode that you're gonna want your kids to listen to? Maybe, maybe not, maybe of a certain age.
• 1:44
  Right, Jake? Maybe, like, if they're 12 and up because we're gonna be talking about some heavy things. Yeah. But I wanna share with you who Jake is and how I even met this amazing kid. Can I call you a kid?
• 1:55
  Can I feel like a big sister?
• 1:56
  Jake: I don't find it derogatory.
• 1:58
  Christy-Faith: You are really impressive young adult, and I absolutely adore you. So let's talk about who Jake is, everybody. Jake is a homeschooled tie dye artist who launched his business during his senior year of high school. What began as a creative project quickly grew into a thriving multiple 6 figure brand with a loyal following of over 325,000 followers across social media. His bold handcrafted designs resonate with a diverse audience from hippies to housewives and everyone in between.
• 2:35
  Jake's vibrant creations bring color, joy, and individuality to wardrobes around the world, proving that passion and hustle can die outside of the lines. I just love that bio. Jake is a heavy hitter. He has a massive social media following. Your business is in a multiple six figures.
• 2:56
  I wanna talk about how that came to be because we are called influencers. Right? And we have businesses. So I want to talk a little bit about that today. But first, let's rewind.
• 3:08
  How did I even meet you?
• 3:10
  Jake: So Christy and I met through my mom actually, because my mom Denise is a part of Christy Faith LLC, the big brand. She works in Thrive Homeschool Community. My mom Denise is one of the mentors there. My mom found you on TikTok, and then you guys became, like, TikTok friends. So it's even before Thrive was a thing, I think.
• 3:31
  Was it?
• 3:32
  Christy-Faith: So I consider her one of my mentors. When I started Thrive, I said to myself, why don't I offer these moms my lifeline? Your mom has become one of my dearest friends of my entire life. She raised awesome kids. And then I got to know you and just watched you on social media, and I just have been cheering you on.
• 3:52
  You're such a huge creator. I wanna ask you, how did you get into running a tie dye company? Did it start with social no. It started as a senior high school project. Right?
• 4:02
  And then how did you get into social media?
• 4:04
  Jake: So I started my business in high school. Getting ready to graduate, it was the peak of everyone in my life, especially the most annoying adults that I knew, all love and peace. The most adult they were like, what do you wanna do? What do you wanna do? And I was like, I need you to step back.
• 4:17
  I don't know. I wasn't really feeling like an an engineer, an attorney, a lawyer. I was like, ah. And I wasn't really keen on going to college to figure that out. Since there wasn't a clear path me, I decided and talked to my mom about taking a gap year.
• 4:32
  I was like, okay. We gotta figure this out. And so I was like writing an attributes list of like what I wanted to do. I love to be creative. I had been tie dying for years at that that point just as a hobby.
• 4:44
  I thought I wanted to be a fine artist or an animator for Disney for a while. I was like, that's that's so competitive and so incredible. I was like, let's pivot to something a little artistic but also more flexible and I can get into and carve my own way. It boiled down to who doesn't need a tie dye shirt. It's colorful and fun and everyone turns out just a little bit different, so there's that variety and spice.
• 5:06
  I could start a tie dye business. I was 17 turning 18. I was like, is that okay if I, like, don't go to college and, like, take more than a gap year? And she was like, why not? Do it now before you're 35 and, like, in a career that you find that you hate and that is sucking the soul out of your body.
• 5:24
  If it doesn't work, then great. You have time to do something else. Since you don't know, let's try. I quickly got onto Instagram. All the research that I had done, they're like, you need a Pinterest, you need an Instagram, you need a Twitter, you need a Facebook, and you'd be posting on these things.
• 5:39
  Every platform you you need to post multiple times a day at different times, different types. I was like, I think I'm gonna have an aneurysm. I was like, I can't. This is crazy. I don't even eat that many times in a day.
• 5:50
  Get away from me. That's crazy. And so I focused on Instagram, narrowed it down, and then slowly that kicked off. Instagram has been Instagram is they're all different beasts. So I got my Instagram and then a Facebook, and then what really kicked it off was TikTok.
• 6:08
  TikTok is what really took it there. I think it was 2021. It was, like, 2021 when I started posting videos on TikTok. So I'd been running my business for about three years at that point. Thankfully, it had grew kind slowly and then sprinkled throughout, would have what I would call like a viral video.
• 6:24
  Especially at the time, I had a couple in my first few months that broke 200,000 views. I was like, I'm going to Hollywood. I'm famous. I was like, buy my ticket, quit my job. No.
• 6:35
  Of course not. But those like really those those those viral videos really helped to boost my platform. And then, what was it? Two years ago now? 2023?
• 6:46
  Yeah. So 2023, I joined YouTube and started posting YouTube shorts, and YouTube took it even further than Instagram did.
• 6:54
  Christy-Faith: One of the reasons I had Jake on today is because homeschool moms see the matrix. We see that college is not for everybody. Do you regret in any way now that you're in your mid twenties that you didn't go to a four year college and get one of those traditional degrees?
• 7:11
  Jake: To be honest, yes and no. There's different reasons why, like, looking back and be like, ugh, like, it would have been so fun to go to college. It would have been so I didn't go to college, you know. But also being in fairness, going back to me at 18, I wasn't very business focused. I was thinking, I wanna do something creative and see if I can turn it into a business, especially 18 year old Jake.
• 7:31
  I don't regret not going to college. I because I would have gotten a business degree. I don't knock college for what I'm doing or for what someone else wants to do. But looking back, sure, maybe it would have been useful, but also I haven't needed it yet. So I'm very glad that I didn't do it, didn't go into debt for it, and didn't take a gamble on what 18 year old Jake wanted to get a degree in and what he thought he might be doing in seven years.
• 7:57
  Like, so kind of only, like, wish I had gone so I could say that I did, which is not a good enough reason to go. Yeah. So no.
• 8:07
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, you bring up a really good point. The pressure the pressure that eighteen year old kids have in our country to pick a major, know what they wanna do, and get on that track. And I can't tell you how many people think they want this, and then they get into it.
• 8:26
  I loved history always. I always knew I was gonna get a graduate degree in history, which I did. In my mind, I was gonna be a college professor. And so that way, I could just talk about history to interested students all day long. That's a dream.
• 8:40
  Yeah. It's a dream. Right? But my parents did not have the skills or foresight to guide me at all in that pursuit in higher academics. My dad has a graduate degree, but he is a extremely accomplished engineer, and he worked in aerospace for most of his career.
• 9:00
  So when you're going to the humanities, that's a lot different. I never did shadow days or internships during my high school years partially because I was so strapped down with getting my straight a's and playing varsity basketball and being active in youth group that I was really too busy. Mhmm. So the sad thing is once I was wrapping up my graduate degree and I got a job as an adjunct professor teaching freshmen, you know, US history, you know, the basics. I hated it.
• 9:29
  So I start teaching college, and the administration is cares nothing about the students, and all they were caring about is what I was gonna publish. That was it. They did not care. And I was like, is this what it's actually like? And I poked around and realized, okay.
• 9:47
  Yeah. That is kind of what it's like. So I went in a different direction and here we are now. I am thankful because I am a published author, and I am thankful for the research skills. You have to be to be a good historian, you have to have responsible scholarship, which I believe I have that a lot of people don't.
• 10:04
  So I think that's really important that your mom gave you the space at the age of 18 to say, let's pause. Let's not determine your entire future right this second. You're still a kid. Right? You're only, like, one year into being an adult.
• 10:18
  Yeah.
• 10:19
  Jake: Then 18
• 10:19
  Christy-Faith: And I
• 10:20
  Jake: It's still teen. Eighteen eighteen is baby.
• 10:23
  Christy-Faith: Yes. Absolutely. Now I do wanna say, people are listening to this show. You're either gonna have a blast or you're gonna be annoyed. But I wanna talk a second about your tie dye because it's kind of a big deal, your quality and the artistic nature.
• 10:39
  You're not just like a tie dye company. Can you just give like a thirty second, like, what's your onlyness factor with your tie dye?
• 10:46
  Jake: This might give me trouble in the tie dye community. No. I'm just kidding. We're all chill. But like some tie dye artists come after me for not doing more intricate designs.
• 10:55
  They're like, you're so simple, they're so boring. And I was like, they're wearable and approachable. Hey. Hey. Also, I don't wanna do those crazy intricate designs.
• 11:05
  Like, that doesn't sound fun to me. So I found like when I was starting my business, I was like, what? Like there's something missing I I found in the tie dye market. I wanted something more approachable and wearable instead of like the crazy intricate. There's geodes, there's mandalas.
• 11:22
  I've seen people tie dye like full portraits of cartoon characters into t shirts. That is artistry. I wouldn't even wanna wear that shirt. I would stain it. I'm messy.
• 11:31
  So I like the more simple, the more classic designs like this one. It's just green and white swirl. That's it.
• 11:39
  Christy-Faith: I think you have some pretty cool fancy designs. What I'm hearing is that you're creating wearable clothing. If you were to spend twenty four hours on one particular shirt, you'd probably have to charge thousands for it. You're a high quality clothing company. You're not selling artwork.
• 11:52
  Is that what you're saying?
• 11:53
  Jake: Exactly. I wanted it to be high quality t shirts. I wanted the colors to stay vibrant. I wanted to find, like, the best. I wanted to be like the target.
• 12:03
  High quality mid tier. You know, you're gonna get something good, something fun and fresh with a cool customer experience. Every t shirt, every design has a different name. Like a fun silly name. This one is named the garden gnome for no reason.
• 12:17
  Yeah. We've got the cutie patootie. I believe you have a sweatshirt. It's the acid oxalotl. So I just wanted wearable high quality clothing that brightens up your day, brightens up your wardrobe, and doesn't break the bank.
• 12:31
  And, like, is a fun experience to order, like, beginning to end.
• 12:35
  Christy-Faith: You definitely stand apart with the quality of clothing that you make. Now I'm sure people are curious. Okay. How did a tie dye company pop off? And I think part of your secret is that you're actually a really talented content creator.
• 12:49
  Jake: Do you think so?
• 12:49
  Christy-Faith: And you kinda have like dude, I know so. My girls ask to watch you, and we just sit there and binge your videos because you have this thing. It's like no part twos. Mhmm. And you're actually showing the tie dye process.
• 13:06
  Tell me, in your own evaluation, what about you and the way you make your social media has made you pop off? I'm so curious what your interpretation of it. And then I'll tell you mine. As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest.
• 13:34
  It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have?
• 14:02
  BJU Press Homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age family together on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too. Visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes.
• 14:29
  Jake: Well, first of all, thank you. That's very kind. But I think no part twos is a big part of it. Like, that was something that drove me crazy. In any video anywhere online, they're like, we're out of time.
• 14:39
  Follow for part two. And I immediately am infuriated. And I'm like, don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. You had plenty of time. Don't lie to my face.
• 14:48
  I feel very sorry about these things. But when I was starting, I was trying to find a formula I could follow. Because when I started my TikTok, which was 2021, I was the business was as big as it had been and I was still doing everything myself. Replying to customers, making content, making the t shirts, keeping up with inventory, bookkeeping, banking. You know about this.
• 15:11
  You run multiple businesses. Mhmm. You're boss lady extraordinaire. So the idea of needing to get on social media to promote my business was like, oh my gosh, pull my teeth out. I can't do anything else.
• 15:24
  How dare I need to add more to my plate? So I was trying to find a good formula I could follow that would be like my signature and also not too far outside of things I was already doing. So I put a camera above me putting the color on the t shirts and I can show you what it looks like after, like process results. Everybody loves the process and results and I'm already doing this. So what's the extra time and energy cost of just filming it?
• 15:52
  I'm not taking time out of my day to do the different trends and keep up with this, that, and the other. If I have time for those and they seem interesting to me, I will absolutely take time out of my day and film, like, a silly transition, a fun little video. But just doing that, I can't possibly keep up. I've got shirts to make. The visual cues of over the head, making tie dye, knowing the no part two with the voice over, those pillars kind of built me some recognitions, like instantly recognizable.
• 16:18
  You see that kind of video. It's not like, oh, of course, you know that's Jake. But if you have seen my videos before, you know, oh, this is a Jake video talking Yes. And saying my ridiculous jokes and making my bad puns and
• 16:29
  Christy-Faith: doing the best. Okay. But be honest. I know it's one thing you just set the camera up and film your hands, but how long are you spending on those scripts? Because they are hilarious and they're so entertaining.
• 16:40
  Jake: Oh, well, first of all, thank you. It depends. Sometimes I can bust out a script in five, six minutes and sometimes I'm slaving away at this keyboard to be like, what am I gonna say about this? Beginning to end in the editing process of writing the script, filming it, cutting the video together, I can have a video edited together in fifteen minutes, twenty minutes.
• 16:59
  Christy-Faith: I'm so mad at you right now. Do you know how much time I spend scripting and filming?
• 17:04
  Jake: I don't. But that's why I was like, I can't Christy, I'm not doing that. If I'm not already doing it and filming it Yeah. That's where I don't know. I don't know if that's like pure I'm not doing it.
• 17:15
  Pure pressure doesn't
• 17:16
  Christy-Faith: I love that. We do different things. Right? You have a physical product. But what's so cool is a lot of people have physical products, but you really figured out a niche way to highlight this is a really cool product.
• 17:28
  These are all handmade. This is the owner operator. And I think that's kind of the formula for social media too, and why large companies have had such a hard time getting a presence, and they end up hiring their faces. That's what people want. They want to know who they're buying from.
• 17:44
  Yep. Right? In what ways do you think homeschooling contributed to your work ethic and your ability to build this business?
• 17:53
  Jake: I think that it really helped me with flexibility, like, is being able to pivot on a dime if I need to. Even in content creation as well, like, oh, I'm not feeling it. I can do this later. Being able to shift my schedule and do what works for me and my family, and then also individuality, like being homeschooled, it was like, what does Jake's education look like? What does Jake's day look like?
• 18:19
  When does Jake need to do his math for the best outcome? Maybe we start in the morning with art first thing and then do math at 3PM. Being able to flex it and change it had had like incredible. And so moving forward in my life and carving it forward of like, well, what works for me? I can create the life that works for me and I'm not super bound by too much.
• 18:44
  Of course, we still all have to pay taxes which sucks. I wish I could carve my way around those, but I don't. I pay my taxes. Let it be known. I know.
• 18:51
  Don't come after me.
• 18:52
  Christy-Faith: Well, I think that homeschooling naturally lends itself towards entrepreneurship.
• 19:00
  Jake: Sure.
• 19:00
  Christy-Faith: I know your mom does it. You know, you can homeschool in a way where you're doing school, like a Christian version maybe of public schooling at home. You can have your kids sit down, and you can be teaching them their lessons. But what's really cool and what I love to break moms out of, because, you know, immediately when they join Thrive Homeschool Community, we start deschooling those women as fast as we possibly can so we can open their eyes to a brighter future and the possibilities for their kids. Not just preparing them for college and work.
• 19:29
  Like, what if they want something else? And I think that homeschooling and there's nothing wrong with any path, but I do I will say that I think that the traditional school path does not prepare kids for entrepreneurship and individual individualism and things like that, partially because if you read chapter three of my book, no pressure, Jake, I go through the history. That's literally why the school system was created. It was created to create conformity and like mindedness and not free thinkers. I think that what you're describing is very much like your mom almost created a breeding ground for entrepreneurship and just the other thing too that I think is really unique about you and other homeschoolers who have become successful entrepreneurs is that you were taught that you can learn whatever you need to learn.
• 20:20
  Mhmm. You were taught that an education is memorize this content. I'm gonna test you Friday.
• 20:26
  Jake: Mhmm.
• 20:27
  Christy-Faith: And then that means you're educated. Right? How would you describe that? How would you describe what your mom built? And by the way, I'm using the word mom and not dad.
• 20:36
  Talk to me about that a little bit. That environment, you know, Charlotte Mason often is quoted to say, and she did say this, that education is an atmosphere. So what type of atmosphere did your mom create that made you believe that you could do whatever you wanted to do?
• 20:55
  Jake: Oh, absolutely. My mom was it was what does Jake need? First of all, it started with what did Jake need for his education, and then secondly, it was what interests Jake? I'm gonna stop talking in third person. What interested me?
• 21:09
  So I was able to aside from the core subjects, I was able to say, I'm really interested in marine biology for my science this semester. Or I'm really interested in forensic science for this semester. Being able to work together with the teacher on what interests me in my education and what I might wanna do when I grow up or maybe just what interests me that semester. My mom built a pretty solid environment of like what do you wanna do? What do you wanna be?
• 21:40
  Let's follow that. Being able to be self led in what interests me and then self sufficiency in getting that done and finding the answers to my questions. As I went through high school, I was able to fold in my business to my school, my senior year. A good chunk of my senior year because I front loaded my high school career, I did most of the work freshman and sophomore year, And then junior well, year was hard. But and then senior year was lighter.
• 22:05
  So I was able to carve out time of my school day. I took a business math course. I was able to dedicate time to research into different social like what the social media aspects are, different selling platforms, what what it was. I was educating myself on how I was going to run this business. She just encouraged me in that.
• 22:26
  She didn't know more than I did, but she was like, let's figure it out. That was always the answer. Let's look into it together. Or she would say, you go figure it out. This is later and this is later in high school.
• 22:36
  I wasn't six. Or I was like, mom, what are we doing for math? And she's like, you figure it out. We're not doing that. Don't worry.
• 22:42
  Really, was able to tailor each education to each child. I have two older sisters. As each of us went through school, she had to restart because we were we all are so different and learn so differently. What worked for Caitlin, my oldest sister, in geometry didn't work for me. It wasn't just like, well, suffer through it.
• 23:02
  You gotta do it because that's what the the patch homeschool course is. The patch homeschool education. It's like it being individualized and tailored to each child's need was it. That was paramount. It was incredible.
• 23:17
  Christy-Faith: Right. I think she was ahead of her time in that because
• 23:21
  Jake: I agree.
• 23:22
  Christy-Faith: You know, back in the day, you had to choose from, like, three curricula and then sit your kid down and do that. People don't know this about Denise. She is, in her own right, quite a forward thinker. She ran a massively successful nonprofit for women in Africa. I see that transferring into your homeschooling.
• 23:42
  Absolutely. I wanna make sure we have time for the next topic because one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on was not just because you're really cool and entertaining and fun and I love you, which is true. But one of the reasons why I asked your mother to be a mentor in Thrive Homeschool Community is because of your dad and her former husband.
• 24:02
  Jake: Mhmm.
• 24:03
  Christy-Faith: And because the reality is that we have a lot of sick and toxic or narcissistic people in our lives. I knew that I needed someone who had expertise in this area to help mentor the moms, particularly because I married Scott when I was 22, and we have had a healthy marriage the entire time. So I can't pretend to relate to somebody who maybe married the wrong person. I love my husband. I feel incredibly blessed.
• 24:32
  I have That's incredible. In my areas in parenting and education and things like that. But when it comes to bad marriages, I'm not a therapist, and I don't have experience with being married to a loser dude. So Right. Would you share a little bit this is where we might go deep, ladies, but I think this is where you're gonna find a lot of encouragement because I want you to see the beauty in the ashes here because there were some really dark days for you guys, for your mom.
• 25:00
  Share a little bit about that history, that divorce. I'm asking him direct questions, you guys, because I have permission ahead that he wants to go there because he wants to encourage you guys. So I'm not cornering Jake in any way right now. Would you share that history before I ask you further? Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool.
• 25:23
  At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order. Until one day, I tried CTC Math. CTC Math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently.
• 25:56
  With CTC Math, your child is getting a top notch education and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit ctcmath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes. I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not.
• 26:17
  Ninety eight percent of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Lovevery. It's a phonics based program that follows a science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books. Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit lovevery.com/christyfaith today and use code Christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by Love Every. That's lovevery.com/christyfaith.
• 26:56
  Jake: So my parents were married for twenty five years. They got divorced when I was 16. My sisters were 16, 18, and 20, roughly. My dad, in a few words, not a great guy. Lots of screaming, lots of yelling, lots of gaslighting.
• 27:12
  Everyone knows that word now. Gaslighting, change of behavior. One day he's this, one day he's that. One day it's incredible that we were homeschooled and what we did that day. The next day, I can't believe you are treating the kids this way.
• 27:25
  Like, that's just an example because we're doing a homeschool podcast. But anything and everything, it was tough. I'm gonna be fully honest, in therapy right now, working through some of this stuff because it does catch up with you. You do not escape it. You don't work around it.
• 27:40
  The body keeps the score. As I told Christy before, life was tough especially because I was a lot more soft and sensitive than my sisters were. I felt much more in tune to the grown ups in my life. I remember maybe age five or six realizing that I didn't like my dad. That I was like, this guy sucks.
• 28:02
  When I would try to connect with him and have a conversation, nobody was home. No one was there bouncing back with me at all. And, like, we didn't connect on any level, anything that I would bring him to be like, well, this is what I like to do. I love to cook and to bake or to paint or to do whatever that wasn't good enough, it was wrong, it was bad, why would you do that? That's stupid.
• 28:25
  And then everything always evolved into me getting in trouble somehow for any number of reasons that didn't make any sense.
• 28:33
  Christy-Faith: Your mom I mean, when she describes her experience in Thrive Homeschool Community, she describes him as a monster. Yeah. Would you agree with that description?
• 28:44
  Jake: Yes. Yes, I would. I would.
• 28:47
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. I think the point that is important for moms to hear is well, let's let's just go back to the main purpose. It's like the beauty in the ashes. Right? There's a lot of kids like you who graduate homeschooling and then make homeschooling the enemy.
• 29:00
  They blame homeschooling. They don't blame their really abusive parents. It's kind of unfair to our culture what they're doing to homeschooling because the vehicle is not the problem. Bad people are the problem. And what I know from your mom is you spent a lot of years in fight or flight and your mother did too.
• 29:18
  So share with us how your parents' divorce affected you.
• 29:22
  Jake: Absolutely. So I was 16 when my parents got divorced. And right off the top, I was thrilled. I was so excited to get that man out of my house. As their marriage progressed, he got less and less tethered to any sort of mask he could wear of acting normal and not flying off the handle over ridiculous stuff.
• 29:43
  As he got older and their marriage progressed, he got worse and worse. Growing up in that, I was like, he's gotta get out of here. He he needs to get out of here. I was excited for them to split up, which is maybe not a super popular answer. But like I said before, I felt very tapped in to my grown ups, which I also believe was a fight or flight type of response.
• 30:04
  Needed to keep tabs on the grown ups in my life of what's gonna happen next, what's going on. I was so pleased to be able to live in my own home and do whatever I wanted without fear of being ridiculed, spoken down to, yelled at, and getting in trouble. Not to speak for my sisters, but they did not see it that way. They were, I think, completely blindsided which surprised me quite a bit. I was like, you're not picking up on this loser we have in our house?
• 30:31
  And they're like, that's our dad. I was like, I don't care how you spell his name. This guy blows. It's been a process. And so now like I shared a few minutes ago, I'm currently in therapy working on this because you don't just get around it.
• 30:44
  It's been an interesting journey of letting that grief come up, what I lost out on, how I was treated. I'm glad he's gone. That guy sucked, which is a truth of mine, but also grieving for the childhood and the father that I didn't get and the father that I didn't have and still don't have. And thankfully, don't still keep around. Don't don't get it twisted.
• 31:06
  Like, alternate reality, if it was a different person, what I should have gotten, what little Jake should have received as a parent counterpart, and even how it relates to my mom because she's also a victim of the situation. The type of homeschooling that I could have gotten if my mom wasn't in that situation, wasn't fighting fight or flight every day and fighting against my dad every day. It could have been so much different. It would have been so much different. I'm glad he's out of here.
• 31:32
  One of my things is, like, having no dad is better than having a bad dad. In my opinion and in my experience, that might not land for everybody and I think that's okay. I've said it before, I would rather be poor as dirt with people who treat me right than any sort of wealth of people who don't treat me right. So it's not worth it.
• 31:54
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. And that's really poignant, I think, that you have all and it's just it's just a testament to what you've been working through and also how amazing your mother is because she often talks about why it took her so long to leave. I wanna explain to the audience here that we throw around the word narcissist in our culture. You can put it on TikTok and you'll get all sorts of therapists saying all sorts of things about this narcissist and that narcissist. Here's the reality.
• 32:21
  Statistically, it's about one in two hundred people that actually have narcissistic personality disorder. This would be one of those people, if not sociopathic or something like that. This is my opinion based on what I've heard. You cannot be a narcissist, but you can do narcissistic abuse. You can still be a toxic abusive person and not be like a certified, like, you would be diagnosed narcissist.
• 32:45
  So when I when we express what you are hearing ladies that your mom was a victim herself, she truly was a victim and so were you. That story is important and it needs to be heard. There are a lot of ladies who have the heart because here she is wanting to do what's right for her kids. She wants to homeschool you, and she's having to do it in a very difficult situation. She doesn't regret it, though.
• 33:09
  I've talked to her about this. She's so glad that she homeschooled you. How do you feel about your homeschooling experience? Are you glad you were homeschooled?
• 33:17
  Jake: I think I liked it. It's kind of how I feel about going to college. I don't know any different, but I'm able to pick and pull out positives. If we wanna tether it back to the house I grew up in. I believe that because I was homeschooled with my sisters and my dad worked from home, we traveled frequently, we were able to live our lives.
• 33:37
  Me, my mom, and my two sisters were able to create our own little unit, our own little family unit, do our school, and do fun things, and regardless of homeschooling in this example, be a family together. And I think if we were public schooled, I don't know how we would have turned out. I don't know if my family would still be as close as we are. Because coming home from school, all different schools, different grades, different friends, different classes, different activities. I can't say for sure if we would have the same family bond that protected us from my dad trying to break us apart.
• 34:15
  In that aspect, think homeschooling was probably the best answer. And like I stated before, it has helped me be very self sufficient, very flexible. It helped me follow my passion and sometimes not take no for an answer. Sometimes take no for an answer, but sometimes not.
• 34:33
  Christy-Faith: I wonder if Jake's tie dye would exist if you weren't homeschooled.
• 34:37
  Jake: No. It wouldn't. I don't think that it would. Mostly because when I found tie dyeing, my sisters and I had finished school that day, some random Wednesday. We'd finished school and we were bored.
• 34:50
  And so we went to the store and found a little tie dye kit and said, let's tie dye shirts together for fun because we got nothing else to do and our other friends are still in school. So let's kill some time before we go hang out with our other friends. And so that's what introduced me to tie dye. But then also, the whole structure of my life and the relationship I have with my mom and being able to go to her and say, hey, mom. I don't wanna go to college.
• 35:14
  I wanna make tie dye shirts instead. Let's just take a second and realize that's a crazy statement to have to tell your parent. Like, hey, I don't wanna do the safe thing. I wanna do the crazy thing. And for her to so quickly and without question be like, yeah, let's do it.
• 35:32
  How do we do it? And she started peppering me with questions of like, about this? What do think you about this? What's the idea for this? And I was like, I haven't thought that far, girl.
• 35:38
  I was just trying to test the waters with you. And she was like, what are you waiting for? Let's do it. Go for it. And so that level of encouragement and that environment that she was able to create for me was unbeatable.
• 35:54
  It was the answer. And I think if I had gone to public school, I don't know what I would be doing honestly, but it probably wouldn't be this.
• 36:00
  Christy-Faith: Well, you're certainly not the type of guy that would fit in that box.
• 36:03
  Jake: No. I'm kind of a weirdo in a
• 36:05
  Christy-Faith: good way. You're the best kind of weirdo, and I love it. I love it. And I just gotta ask this one last deep question because I can't help myself. We run Thrive Homeschool Community, and the amount of women who are struggling through what I would deem as abusive relationships is staggeringly high.
• 36:25
  This is why I wanna go there. For years, your mom told herself that she was protecting you. She thought when she was a victim herself with her abuser, that's what she calls him.
• 36:35
  Jake: Mhmm.
• 36:36
  Christy-Faith: She thought she could protect you. I of course, there came a point where she didn't believe that, and the strength that she had to I mean, you listeners, I hope you see what this woman was able to accomplish even with her circumstances, with the cool kids she has now. What an incredible woman, and it's just a testament to her as well. But what what message would you as a as little Jake and with a mom listening who maybe in a similar situation, maybe not as severe as yours, but similar, you guys were raised in a very conservative Christian culture, and your mom was shunned for leaving your dad, not believed. People took his side.
• 37:18
  They did not believe he was an abuser, and he absolutely was. Is there something that you could share right now to the women listening just from your perspective of going through it that could encourage them right now?
• 37:31
  Jake: Absolutely. I've always said because my mom and I have talked about this quite a bit because she and I are very open about this topic with each other, and she's also the first to say it like she's like, I was also a victim. She's like, but I didn't do everything right. She's like, so, like, however you she's like, Jake, however you feel, whatever your story is, is your story. And she's like, sometimes I'm the villain and sometimes I'm not.
• 37:54
  These situations are very complex.
• 37:57
  Christy-Faith: They are.
• 37:57
  Jake: They're so complex and each one is so different and each relationship with the mother and child to the father and child is that like, we could talk about it for six hours and still only be talking about how I grew up, you know. How I look at it is like, if the mom is doing her best, that's all that a child can ask for. That's all that the child needs. There's gonna be mistakes in the situation. The mom's gonna make missteps as every human does.
• 38:22
  And I've been told mom guilt is quite a huge deal. I can't even fathom the level of mom guilt inside an abusive situation that involves your kids. But just make the next best choice. Do your best in that moment with what you have And sometimes it's not gonna be enough, and that's okay because you're a human as well and so are your kids. Mistakes are not the same as abuse.
• 38:50
  Losing your temper at your child or when you're in a stressful situation with an abusive partner. If you are taking the steps and doing your best to protect those children and to get them out, that is going as the child seeing that, there's so much proof in that pudding of which parent was in the right and which parent was in the wrong. Being able to track abusive patterns versus saying, like, here's some mistakes my mom made, which we can get into. We don't have to. But mistakes and patterns of abuse are not the same.
• 39:24
  Christy-Faith: Yeah.
• 39:24
  Jake: And your kid will always be on your side and that will always, like, root for you. It's tough, but I think they almost always come around and sucks and it's hard. And
• 39:38
  Christy-Faith: Well, I also think when you're on your own healing journey as the adult or the mother in this situation, you're not going to gaslight yourself. I had many years where my mom was raised by two alcoholics, and my mom was the oldest. So my mom had to rescue, salvage, clean up, raise her siblings. Very sad. A lot of neglect.
• 40:00
  Because my mom was raised in that unhealthy environment, she became a Christian when she was around 40, but had a lot of patterns. When I became a young adult, her own healing journey really redeemed our relationship. So she had patterns and would make excuses for herself. When she stopped doing that was when the healing began with me, and of course, I am on my healing journey too. Overall, the message is we're humans.
• 40:24
  We're not perfect. We do what we can in this situation. But as long as we take responsibility for our own journeys, healing, and relationships, they are redeemable. Right? And and and I think that you're the testament to the journey that that you guys have been in, I I think is more relatable than we realize, and that's why I wanted to have you on and do this show.
• 40:49
  Just beauty in the ashes. I don't think for one second, your mom regrets homeschooling you guys, and she's the first in office hours to say, I've made more mistakes than all of you guys combined. Right? And here's my hindsight. This is what you get.
• 41:03
  You get the wisdom of a mom who made mistakes all the way through, and she's such an encouragement in there. And you're an encouragement too. I don't wanna have kids on here. I'm sorry. I called you a kid again.
• 41:13
  Jake: I don't wanna have
• 41:14
  Christy-Faith: kids on here that are just towing the party line with homeschooling. Like, oh, I loved it. Right? Like, that's not what I want. We don't need more of echo chambering preaching to the choir stuff.
• 41:25
  Homeschooling life is not the simplest path we can take. It's just not. It's not the easiest path. It involves a lot of sacrifices. And I hope that out of today's episode, what the listeners are hearing is that it doesn't mean that it's not worth it.
• 41:38
  And I think that you guys are a testament to that. So any parting words for us today?
• 41:44
  Jake: As you were talking, I was thinking that, like, some more encouragement for some moms. What my mom did pretty quickly actually, which looking back was very surprising. Very quickly after my parents got divorced and we started talking through, like, speaking these things about how how my dad would treat me and everything and telling her things that had happened and she's like, I had no idea. If I had known he had said that to you, he had done that, I would have done x y or z, which I believe because my mom at every step, every opportunity she had to stand up for me and my sisters, she took it. She took it every single time.
• 42:21
  I don't know how she did that. And I think if you asked her, she would say, I don't know how I did that either. Pretty quickly after they got divorced, she was like, I made many mistakes. She was like, I screwed you up plenty. She was like, and if you need to come to me and say, mom, you did this horrible thing that hurt me so deeply, please come and tell me.
• 42:45
  She never held this attitude of, well, I was doing my best. Blah blah blah, which is a completely understandable and valid response, like very much makes total sense that anybody would do that, but my mom didn't do that. She was like, we were the adults. Your father and I were the adults and you were the child. It does take two to tango.
• 43:09
  So in your story, in Jake's story, your mom can be the villain if she was. That's opened it up, made it so we can talk frankly about these situations and memories. It's also not this Denise hating campaign. We've got so many stories about my dad and these many stories about my mom. It's like a couple versus a few thousand.
• 43:30
  You know what I mean? And so if you as a mom are frightened that even with these couple, your kid is going to disown you like they might disown the dad. I think it's a simple math problem. And as long as you continue to do your best and be open and honest and be like, I screwed up and I wanna fix it. If I can fix it and if I can't fix it, I'm still really sorry and that shouldn't have happened.
• 43:56
  Also me growing up and having the the the frontal lobe develop a little bit and be like, my mom's also just a human being. She's just a person as well as me. Holding things against her just didn't feel right. Holding her accountable is very different. Accountability, holding someone accountable, and holding someone against someone, very different things.
• 44:17
  Christy-Faith: Absolutely. There's a difference between a kid acknowledging, you know, my mom was doing her best, and a parent saying, I was just trying my best because that is an excuse. It's a deflection, a refusal to look inward, and it's invalidating of the children's feelings. That is something your mom has never done, but I think it's very sweet, and I bet she appreciates that you see. Even though she's not making any excuses for herself, she really was a victim herself and trying her best and still made colossal mistakes.
• 44:50
  Your relationship with her is a testament to the healing that you guys have done. This show just went in so many different directions, but in such a good way. Right?
• 45:00
  Jake: Mhmm. Mhmm.
• 45:01
  Christy-Faith: The two of us are a pair.
• 45:03
  Jake: Yes. We are. I'm on my way to get diagnosed with ADHD. Also, by the way, my therapist is
• 45:08
  Christy-Faith: You know what's so cool? Your mom was sharing with me that you're getting you know, my sister didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until she was, I think, 41. Wow. Strugged her dyslexia was so pronounced that they didn't even notice. And, you know, they didn't diagnose girls with ADHD back in the eighties.
• 45:24
  What's so cool is your mom was sharing with me that she really believes that because of the customized education that she was able to provide you, that's why the ADHD never a major issue. She saw that you needed a break and you took a break. She saw that that curriculum wasn't a fit, so she changed. And so it's not a it's not a failure that you aren't getting diagnosed until now. I think it's a testament to you didn't need it.
• 45:54
  You didn't need that label because you were homeschooled. I mean, that is so cool. Jake, I am so thankful that you took your Saturday morning dog sitting to share time with me today. I know this is gonna be an incredible encouragement to all of the people listening. I can't wait to share this episode.
• 46:15
  Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story. I know it was fun, but also raw, and that is not lost on me. Thank you so much.
• 46:22
  Jake: Christy, thank you so much for having me. It's such a blessing to be able to share and to be able to encourage anybody, and it sucks. I mean, like, I'm not trying to be like, oh, it's great. No. That was really hard and now it's much better.
• 46:35
  It does get better. It can get better. And it all works out in the end. And if it doesn't work out if it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end. This has been so much fun talking to you.
• 46:44
  I could talk to you all day long about anything we talked about in this podcast. We could go for those three hours and I'd be like, I've got nothing to do.
• 46:53
  Christy-Faith: I do know that moms are going to wanna support you because you're a homeschooled kid who has built this thriving business. Again, multiple six figures ladies. Like, this kid is a successful young man. Where can my audience find you and buy some of your tie dye?
• 47:09
  Jake: Absolutely. You can follow me on Instagram at jakes tie dye shop. You can follow me on YouTube and TikTok at Jake's tie dye, j a k e s t I e d y e. You can shop for tie dye shirts like this one right here. This one is the garden gnome.
• 47:25
  You can shop for tie dye shirts at jakestiedye.com. I hand make every single one week in, week out, all handmade to order, by Jake, from Jake.
• 47:36
  Christy-Faith: I love it. And you know what? We're gonna put all these links in the show notes so people can just click right through and see the fabulous content that you're making. Show your kids because they he is just silly, family friendly. Oh, by the way, you know, totally family friendly content, which is you can't say that regarding everyone your age right now making content.
• 47:57
  It's absolutely fabulous and fun. My girls love it. They say, mom, can we just sit down on the couch and watch Jake? And that's what we do, and they just have a blast. So make sure to check out his tie dye.
• 48:09
  And to everyone listening, we will see you next week. Thanks for listening in.
• 48:13
  Jake: Bye. Bye.