Latest / ok storytime / I begged my friend for ONE secret about my fiancée… it ended my engagement! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3049

Transcript

I begged my friend for ONE secret about my fiancée… it ended my engagement! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3049 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley. And this is Dakota, your favorite
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: OK Storytime host. And we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two minute break
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I begged my friend for one secret about my fiance.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: It ended my engagement. What? I, 27 male, have been
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: engaged to my fiance, Amy, 26 female, for a year
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: and was in a relationship with her for five years.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: We were due to be married this August. Now, I
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: am also friends with Kylie, 26, female. We have been
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: friends for a very long time, pretty much since we
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: were babies, and we're almost like siblings at this point,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: because her mother and my mother were best friends since
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: they were in high school.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Cute.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Anyways, Kylie is part of the same tight-knit friend group
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: as Amy. I always try to ask Kylie what Amy
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: tells about me because I know women like to discuss
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: about their boyfriends with their friend group. Kylie is usually tight-lipped,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: but if she does say anything, she always says how
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Amy loves me a lot and how Amy is so
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: excited about marriage. Last month, I hung out with Kylie
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: and her boyfriend at their house. Amy and I usually
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: hang out with them for dinners, but Amy had gone
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: out of town for a couple of days. Anyways, we
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: all got pretty wasted, and we were laughing a lot,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and I was begging Kylie to tell me one bad
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: thing Amy has told me about me to her friends.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user Astronomer Futuria. Interesting name.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Keon.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I'm Archer.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: And I'm Savannah.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we're
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: just goofballs. We don't know everything. We only know what
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: we do goofily, obviously. So let us know what you
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: do in the comments down below. Pretty please. As Opie says,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: after a lot of pleading, Kylie finally said the one
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: thing Amy had joked about was how she had better
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: spicy sleep before. Ooh. Yikes. Well, you asked for it.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: And continued saying I was not the greatest at spicy sleep,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: but that she was with me for the complete package
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: because she doesn't care about spicy sleep too much. I
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: was wasted then, so I just laughed it off. But
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I felt somewhat stung then. The next day when I
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: got sober, I felt extremely stung. I thought about a lot.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: And when Amy came back from her vacation, I asked
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: her about it casually. She initially denied it and said
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: we always have amazing spicy sleep and she's always satisfied.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I told her it wouldn't really hurt me if she
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: told me the truth and marriage was built on honesty.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: So I asked her again a couple of times. Amy
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: finally admitted that she did in fact say that I
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: was not the best at spicy sleep to her friend group.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: But she was just joking about it because I had
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: so many other great qualities she wanted to highlight. I
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: laughed it off initially, but that stung me even more.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I couldn't hide my mood the next couple of days.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I felt sad and felt like crap. Amy apologized a
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: lot and said she did not mean what she said.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: A couple of days later, I told Amy I could
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: no longer be with her. And what she told her
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: friend group hurt me too much. I informed everyone over
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: the next week that I was calling off the wedding.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Amy was distraught and tried to convince me multiple times
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: and apologized a lot. But I was mentally too downtrodden.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Am I the a-hole? I think you are. You dug
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: for this? You were like, Kylie, Kylie, come on. Please
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: tell me one thing that she said that was bad
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: about me. You wanted this.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: That's fair. That's fair.
• 3:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: That would have hurt my feelings, too.
• 3:37
  Speaker 5: But I wouldn't have called off the whole engagement over it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I would say, hey, you know, everything else is great.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry I haven't been, you know, up front with you.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: let's work on it. You know, we can work on
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: this together. How can I be, rather than OP getting
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: like really insecure and being angry at Amy for maybe
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: being honest with her friends. Hey, Amy, how can we
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: make sure I am the best or be better?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: True.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: A learning opportunity.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Bingo. You can teach a dog new tricks.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: Teachable moment.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: But instead he, instead he took, he took this as
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: a She hates me. I'm the worst. I can't talk.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: I can't look at her anymore because I investigated too
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: much into this, and this is my fault.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: I also think, like, you gotta be, you gotta allow
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: people to be honest with their friends, and that's something
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: she said in confidence.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I love, lovely Lisa says, don't ask questions you can't
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: handle the answers to.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: Yep. You dug, and you found, you wanted this. Grab
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: the shovels. We're going digging, boys.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: We have an update. You guys ready?
• 4:48
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Opie says, I understand I'm insecure. I'm not hiding the
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: fact that I am insecure. I just wish my fiance
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: did not tell her friends about my spicy sleep life,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: especially to Kylie. If Amy had only told me and
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: not her friends, I would have definitely still felt hurt.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: But at least this would have been only between us.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: I would definitely wouldn't have broken up with her either
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: and would have even tried to improve our spicy sleep life. Hmm. Hmm.
• 5:12
  Speaker 6: Hmm.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I always ask Kylie what Amy thought about me because yes,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I was insecure, and I wanted to fix any of
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: my flaws before marriage. But I never expected that it
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: would have been about my spicy sleep life. I thought
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: about maybe a character flaw. Maybe I wasn't romantic enough,
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: or not taking her out, or enough dates, or something
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: along those lines. But never about my spicy sleep life.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: I felt even more hurt after hearing that Amy said
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I wasn't great at spicy sleep. Because Amy never gave
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: me an indication of that in five years. Yeah, I
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: She didn't say not great.
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: She said not best.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she didn't say it's the worst thing ever. It
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: was just like, it isn't the best.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I also love that he was like, if she
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: had done it a different way, what would have actually
• 5:57
  Speaker 5: tried to be better?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: If she didn't tell her friends that I was bad
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: at it, but she told me, I still would have
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: been really upset. I don't know. That's very weird, OP.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I think you're the a-hole, unfortunately. And you need to
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: go talk to someone professional about these problems. Do you
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: not think she's not going to tell her friends about
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: her spicy sleep life?
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: Maybe he's never met a girl before.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: There's a little bit left here. Let's go ahead and
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: finish this up. Opie continues saying, but now I'm too
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: ashamed to face your friends, especially Kylie. Kylie has reached
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: out to me many times, but I'm too embarrassed to
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: even text her now. I understand how my actions have
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: had a lot of unintended cascading effects. I know Amy's
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: hurting really bad now because she was really excited about
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: our marriage, and our future. My family's hurting really bad.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Her family's hurting too. Kylie and Amy are no longer
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: on speaking terms. I heard from one of my friends
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: that Kylie broke up with her boyfriend, but I'm not
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: sure if that's related to this incident. I already asked
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: my company for a transfer to a different state, and
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be moving to a different state in
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: two months? I've lost not only my fiancé, but also
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: my best friend who I've known my entire life. Yes,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I am not in the best of places now, mentally,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: but I will try to start fresh in two months. O.P.,
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: You took everyone down with you because someone said, your
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: fiance said you weren't the best in bed. There's always
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: a bigger fish.
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: This story just makes me sad.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: It's very sad. It's very sad that everything was on track.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: He said, I want to know a secret, you know,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: and he, but I want to know a bad secret.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I'm tired of hearing that my fiance loves me and
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: thinks I'm the best person ever. And she adores me.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I want to hear something bad.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: I need to know the truth.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, OP. Yeah, Dasha says you're going to be
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: single for the rest of your life. It's life. There's
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: always going to be someone better than you at whatever
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: it is. You could be the best, but eventually someone
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: down the line will be better than you. Or records
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: are meant to be broken. It happens. So.
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: Just got to try to PR next time.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Dang, imagine telling the parents... Yeah, the reason why.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: The reason why.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Why are you canceling the wedding? I'm not the best
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: in bed. Yeah.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I'm not the best she's ever had, and I can't
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: handle that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: I do feel badly for him, though, I will say.
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: I feel for this guy.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I feel bad for Amy.
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: Bruised ego, so he went nuclear.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I feel bad for Amy.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: Good summary.
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah. No, no, no.
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: You're right.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: You're right.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Amy did nothing wrong. Maybe she should have been a
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: little bit more upfront about it.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: But she said it again. She didn't say it was like, oh,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: it's the worst. It just wasn't the best. That's the
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: end of that story. We have another one coming right up.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: My partner confessed a kiss. Hours later, he ended us
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: by text.
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: Oh, real nice guy.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend, 23 male, has been acting weird for a week.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: So last night, I, 24 female, asked him to please
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: just talk to me and tell me what's going on.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: At first, he didn't want to, but eventually he sat
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: down and told me he kissed his best friend.
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: He swore it's never happened before and that it was
• 9:04
  Speaker 6: only a kiss and nothing more.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: But that he was confused about his spicy orientation and
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: doesn't know what he wants. I tried to be understanding
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: while we talked, but it was all so painful I
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: just kept crying. This is the man I love and
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: wanted to build a life with and have a family with,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: and here he was telling me he needs a few
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: days to figure out what he wants. He told me
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: he was going to go to his cousin's house. When
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I checked GPS, he was at his friend's house. A
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: few hours later, after, when I'd normally be in bed...
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: He texted me to tell me it's over and that he.
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: Is J with a G. He said he needs to
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: be with someone he actually loves. I'm so angry.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, the cheating, then the lying, then the
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: cowardly dragging out, dumping me. But most of all, him
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: saying someone he actually loves. By the way, this comes
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: from user throwaway977097. And if you want to submit your
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: own stories, head on over to the r slash okay
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: story time subreddit.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: I'm Nicole.
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: I'm Savannah.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I'm Riley.
• 10:02
  Speaker 6: We're going to read this story. We're going to have
• 10:04
  Speaker 6: our thoughts.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: You get to have your own. And you can put
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: them in the comments where we will read them. And
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: OP says, I get it. He's J with a G.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: He could never love me physically. Even though spicy sleep
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: was never an issue for us. But to act like
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: what we had meant nothing to him just hurts deeply.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: How can someone do that to a person? How do
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: you get a place together, build a life, and then
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: just act like it meant nothing? Well, he's very confused.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And he probably doesn't mean it like that. He might
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: feel like that's what it means right now. But it's
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: definitely not the case.
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: It could just be something that's new and exciting. And maybe, well,
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: because he's what? He's 23. I mean, maybe he's known,
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: but he just hasn't found like the right person. And yeah,
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: now it's just really conflicting. And it just so happened
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: that you guys are dating at that time. And I mean,
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: I think what he did was wrong in ways of
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: like how to go about it. But if that is
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: how he is feeling, then, you know, you have to
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: kind of.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: Give them that.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: Give them grace. But not with the cheating. I think
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: cheating by any means is cheating.
• 11:17
  Speaker 6: I don't care if you're J with a G or anything.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I think maybe you could interpret that as someone I
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: can love fully.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: What do you mean?
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: Instead of someone I can actually love. Like someone I
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: can actually love fully.
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: Oh, like with everything.
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: Because, yeah, I don't know.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: By the way, he won't answer my calls or messages
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: now about what we're doing with the apartment either.
• 11:40
  Speaker 6: So I'm stuck in limbo on that. And there's an edit.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: So apparently he can't return text or tell me what's
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: going on with our apartment, but he can post on
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Facebook that we broke up amicably, that he is J
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: with a G.
• 11:53
  Speaker 6: And now happily in love with his bestie. We got
• 11:56
  Speaker 6: some comments here.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: OP replies to being called vindictive and not moving on
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: by a commenter.
• 12:02
  Speaker 6: OP says, Another reply, OP says, excuse me?
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: He kissed someone else, withheld it for a week, and
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: then told me he needed a few days alone to
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: figure it all out, and that he was going to
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: stay at his cousin's house, but he ran right to
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: the guy he kissed, so he lied again, then waited
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: two or three hours until he thought I was in
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: bed to break up with me.
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: And tell me that he's Jay. With a G. How
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: exactly is any of that transparent?
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: And not to even mention not returning a call or
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: text so I can find out what's going on with
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the apartment we're both on the lease of. But no,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: go ahead, keep making excuses for him.
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: That's just crazy because he literally like I I don't
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: want to make excuses for him because no matter what
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: the you know orientation of what he prefers or whatever
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: taking that out of the equation he still cheated and
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: still lied and still went and did all of that anyway.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like people do like add all kinds of
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: like extra calculus where it's like oh well this is
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: like he's just being himself and he was discovering himself
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: it's like well but you know I call.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: That In a way, therapy talk.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: Where you try to over-explain something.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: And it's like, no, no, no, no. He cheated on me.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Even if it was in the context of, like, a
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: different sexuality, he was still cheating on me, he was
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: loyal to me, and then he turned his back against me.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, there's a way you could have done
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: that without it being, like, a devastating betrayal. It still
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: would have been unpleasant. Let's finish this. There's an update
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: six days later. After I made that post, I was
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: informed he was posting on Facebook about us breaking up
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: as friends, and that it was amicable.
• 13:45
  Speaker 6: Along with announcing he is.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: J with a G and deeply in love for the
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: first time with his boyfriend, a.k.a. the friend he cheated
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: on me with. Despite several attempts to reach him over
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: text or call to find out what we're going to
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: do about our apartment, he would not answer, but continued
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: to post on Facebook. I got advice to post a
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: comment saying it would be amicable if he returned my messages,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: so I decided to text him, telling him either talk
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to me about the apartment or I post screenshots of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: the truth.
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: Ooh!
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Fighting fire with fire.
• 14:13
  Speaker 7: Mm-hmm.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Mm.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: He messaged back, saying the apartment is mine. He'll get
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: the landlord to remove him from the lease, and a
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: check for his portion of the rent covering up to
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the end of the lease would be in the mail.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I've gotten and deposited the check, it cleared, and have
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: cut all contact from him. Part of me wants to
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: be petty and post the screenshots anyway, but I'm taking
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: the high road.
• 14:34
  Speaker 6: Probably a good call.
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't need to, it's just, yes, he did
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: like a horrible thing and whatnot, but you just might,
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: don't add, fuel to the fire you know because like
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: he could come he could clap back say something whatever
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: I don't know I'm trying not to like feel bad
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: for him and I don't because he cheated and he
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: lied but I also see the other side of trying
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: to like really discover myself trying to be gay yeah
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 15:04
  Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story let's head to
• 15:06
  Speaker 6: the next one.
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: My boyfriend's best friend said he dumped me she was
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: telling the truth wow I, 25 female, have been with
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: my boyfriend, 21 male, for almost one year. We live together.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: Things are going really well. This is kind of his
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: first real serious relationship, so we had some issues at first.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: But we communicate a lot, and he's a great guy.
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: Definitely the best relationship I've been in so far. Outside
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: of one thing, and that's his best friend, 20 female.
• 15:38
  Speaker 6: She doesn't get a name.
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: She's just 20 female.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Same Trainer, and if
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: you want to spend your own stories, go to the
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: r slash okay story time subreddit.
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: I'm Savannah.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: I'm Dakota.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: I'm Riley.
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: And we're here to give some good advice, goofily, but
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: we do not have all the answers. We'd only tell
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: you what we would do in this situation, but you
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: should let us know what you would do down in
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: the comments. As LP says, I don't want to be controlling.
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: He can have female friends. It's absolutely no problem. He
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: had issues with a jealous and manipulative girlfriend. Didn't last long,
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: hence why I said first serious relationship. So I don't
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: want to be that girlfriend, if that makes sense. I
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: met his friend after a month. If I can, if
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: I recall correctly. When we first met, she was very sweet, kind,
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: and incredibly bubbly. As soon as my boyfriend left the room,
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: she looked at me like I crapped in her cereal.
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: She started berating me. With questions.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: Who I was.
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: Why I got with my boyfriend and a bunch of
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: other stuff. It was like an interrogation and she kept
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: cutting me off. When my boyfriend got back, she went
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: back to the girl I met. I was so shocked.
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: I didn't believe what had just happened. Every single time
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: we've been alone together since, she has been a total
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: witch to me. She's never obvious about it in front
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: of my boyfriend. It's never enough to call her out.
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: When she's with my boyfriend, she hovers around him, touches him,
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: or tries to be as close as possible.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: I know someone like this. They'll be like, I know
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: him longer than you.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, God.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: I know him way back before you guys were even
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: a thing. We know someone like this.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: We know someone like this.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: I know someone like that, too.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: So we know someone like this.
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: We all know someone like this.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: I don't know anyone like this. My boyfriend, thank God,
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: tells me everything. Until a few months ago, they regularly
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: gave each other massages.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: Yo, that's a giant red flag. Unless if she's giving
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: you one as well.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: He stopped it immediately when he saw my reaction. Friend
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: keeps bringing it up amongst other stuff. Like, remember when
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: we used to blah blah blah blah blah blah? She
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: has no boundaries. She will cuddle up to him and
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: I can't get mad because I'll look like a witch myself.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: No, you can get mad. That's your boyfriend.
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh, sorry, you took my spot.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, you guys are sitting beside it. You guys were together.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: Let me get in here real quick.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Is that how you approach the toilet? Like a little duck.
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: That was a little tail feather right there.
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: There's a tail feather moment. Making the space.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: What a daffy duck thing to do. I know.
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: I loved that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Very daffy duck over there.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: Today she came over for dinner and she crossed yet
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: again another line and I'm done with it.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Have we not talked to boyfriend about this? Why are
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: we not talking to boyfriend about this?
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Because he likes it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he probably does.
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: Boyfriend was prepping dinner and she came up to him
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: and hugged him from behind and kissed his neck and cheek.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: They're cheating.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: Uh-uh.
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: If some girl comes up to my man while he's
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: prepping dinner or whatever, she goes behind and goes, I'd
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: be like, flick all the way to Korea.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: North or south?
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Middle. Central.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: She was wearing a super low cut top and her
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: bazongas accidentally fell out of her shirt.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: That's not an accident. That's not an accident.
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: And she said, oh no.
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: Oh no.
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: Oh no. Flop, flop, flop, flop.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Not again.
• 19:13
  Speaker 7: Help.
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: Help, man.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Help.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Help, friend.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Are we doing chicken thigh or chicken breast tonight?
• 19:19
  Speaker 6: You know I have a condition.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, let me put your groundhogs back in your hole.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: I told you to calm down.
• 19:25
  Speaker 6: They're flying out oh yeah yeah.
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: Later she showed her new swimwear to us oh my
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: gosh and i could have done something to her right
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: there i've told my boyfriend about my concerns and he
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: understands and listens but he has known this girl literally
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: since birth i don't want to ask him to cut
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: her off completely he always asks if it's okay first
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: to hang out or do something with her, but I
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: almost need to throw up when I think what she's
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: like when they're one-on-one. That's true.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: You know what? I'm making a very huge bet here.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: They're not like this when they're one-on-one. They're very mundane.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 20:04
  Speaker 6: Her boyfriend would notice, wouldn't he?
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: I'm so lost. I'm afraid. It's clear that she's into him.
• 20:11
  Speaker 5: Why in God's name did she never tell him this?
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: And she's told me it's only a matter of time
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: until he dumps me. It doesn't help that she's way prettier, younger,
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: and more adventurous as I am. It would be an
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: upgrade for him, but he has never seen her act
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: out to me because she is very careful about it.
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: I've thought about approaching her directly, but I don't see
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: it going well. Any suggestions are welcome. What do you
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: guys do?
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Talk to your boyfriend.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tell your boyfriend that his girly pop's saying, it's
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: only a matter of time until he dumps you.
• 20:44
  Speaker 6: And just be like, yeah, I don't really care that
• 20:46
  Speaker 6: you're friends. I care that she treats me terribly.
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: She has concerns to him, and he's like, well, you know. Like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: he's just like, you know, it's just her. We've just
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: known each other forever.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: I get it. I understand you guys have known each
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: other since birth.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: But you guys are doing... stuff that crosses my boundary,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: and it's not okay. If that's what you want to
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: continue doing with her, do it. I can't be in
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: this relationship. Date her, whatever. Don't care.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: There are some relevant comments here from OP. I've told him,
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: though she's never done it directly in front of him,
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: but I'm also afraid that if it blows up, she
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: might confess her love for him. and he will have
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: to choose. I honestly don't think he knows.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Then just leave him, girly pop. What are you talking about?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: If you really think your boyfriend would have to be like.
• 21:34
  Speaker 6: Hmm, hmm, then he's already not your boyfriend. If you
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: go up to your.
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: Boyfriend and you confess these concerns, then he goes, oh,
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: like the Minecraft characters, leave.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I mean, again, this is his first time in a
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: serious relationship. You've had already a rough bump at the beginning.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: You got to be like, hey, if you want to
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: continue this serious relationship, this is my boundary. If you
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: don't like it, ta-ta.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: I feel like.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: I've been slowly losing him to her. I've been cheated
• 22:04
  Speaker 5: on in past relationships, and I'm so scared that he
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: might leave me for her. I know I'm being insecure,
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: but I simply can't help it right now. I'm too overwhelmed.
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: I might try to record it as a last resort.
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: Though she is often really sneaky about it. Maybe if
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: I challenge her a little bit.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I would also just confront her. I'd
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: be like, yo, what's your problem?
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: Okay, well, anyway, there's an update two weeks later.
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: So it's been two weeks since I posted. I talked
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: to my boyfriend the day after and basically said what
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: everyone else already commented and what.
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: I was thinking.
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: No, I didn't secretly record her because that didn't sit
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: right with me. It would have sat right with me.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, also, he should trust you.
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: That is also true.
• 22:44
  Speaker 6: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:45
  Speaker 5: That's the thing is, if she's been there throughout his
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: entire life, maybe he doesn't see it because it's like he.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Doesn't see it. He doesn't see it. The girl's coming
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: in semi kid in the room saying, oh, yeah, I
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: would be like, that's an example.
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: Well, it's hard to see inside the relationship when you're
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: in it. It like that's why I always ask if
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: I'm ever in a relationship. I'm like, how does it
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: look from the outside? Like, does it look like. we're
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: having fun like i'm enjoying it or does it look
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: like it's like you know on the rocks because like
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: other people see it i would want to know how
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: other people view the relationship you know.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: True yeah yeah if you're if your friends aren't for
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: it then.
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: You should probably yeah because you don't know it when
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: you're in it you know and then by the end
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: it's too late and you've hung on you know for
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: five years too long yeah and then he's in her
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: keep going dear god I told him her behavior was
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: making me super uncomfortable and that he needed to set
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: boundaries with her ASAP. Or I wasn't going to put
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: up with it anymore.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: I was effing pissed while telling him this and he
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: got the message. He texted her in front of me
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: and even let me read it. I was satisfied and
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: very relieved. Felt like I could finally breathe.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Was he doing this for you or was he doing
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: this for him?
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: For you.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it seems like you're like a mom. Like, okay, good.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Now send it.
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: Best friend came over a few times and was very
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: nice to me. She wasn't being inappropriate even once. Very
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: respectful of the boundaries we had set. When we were alone,
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: she was the same girl as when we were all together.
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: Total 180.
• 24:16
  Speaker 7: Great.
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: I was so glad and happy. Thought she got the hint.
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: Skip to yesterday. Boyfriend is in the shower and left
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: his phone in his pants on the floor.
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: Phone in his pants.
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: Phone keeps vibrating and I'm getting annoyed.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Pants on the ground.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: I grab his phone. All the messages are from best friend.
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: There are pics of them not safe for work, a
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: video I didn't watch, and a lot of lovey-dovey messages.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Oh, so he, again.
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: I scrolled back and it went back to at least
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: two months ago until I had enough. Serious plans together. Honestly,
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: I never even came up in their conversations. He came
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: back from the gym last night. We were supposed to
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: have spicy sleep after he got out of the shower.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: What?
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: You guys have a schedule?
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: And he had been effing here minutes before he came home.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was still a workout.
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: I'm staying with a friend for a while. Had to
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: take work off today because I'm a total wreck. Honestly,
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: I'm still in shock. I seriously can't comprehend what's going on.
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: Haven't responded to any of my boyfriend's messages, but he
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: knows I know. He hasn't said anything after he realized it,
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: I think.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: It's crazy to me that you're like, I have no idea.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Double kiss from behind on the neck and the cheek
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and then tease out?
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Pop out and goes, oops.
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: Helicopter, helicopter. I, yeah, no, I just feel bad because
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: this girl has been cheated on before and now she's
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: kind of like going through that trauma again, which is
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: just so hard. Literally, another one.
• 25:45
  Speaker 6: She don't deserve that.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: This seemed like also like OP's dating a younger guy, 20,
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: who's had a terrible past with dating. This is the
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: first serious relationship. There were just so many blatant red flags.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: And then this friend was, you know, the cherry on top.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: It was just like, I don't know. It seems like
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: we started from a very, very, very low place from
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: the beginning. It seemed like it was just like very
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: hard to really climb out of this one, unfortunately.
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: Well, this confirmed for me I'm not as desirable as
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: I thought. Funny how I genuinely believed he chose for me.
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: I can't even start to explain how I feel, but
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: luckily I have my friend here who is taking care
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: of me.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: Bless her. Oh, P.
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: I'm so upset that you went through this again after
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: the last time. It's just so hurtful because you get
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: into these relationships thinking that this person... like has these,
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: I guess, why can't I think of it?
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Qualities.
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: Well, kind of like this, this perception.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: Like you have this perception of this person and then
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: all of a sudden it's just like down the drain, nothing.
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: Like been there, done that.
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: I freaking hate it because now I'm like afraid to
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: like trust anyone. And it like really sticks with you
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: because I'm like, I go to like, you know, talk
• 27:05
  Speaker 5: to someone that I'm like, oh, no, I don't know.
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: They just want me for something. It's not that they
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: actually like me. Like they want me for something else.
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: And like, that's how you think now, because now it's
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: now it's like, oh, my gosh, I don't know. what
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: to believe because I've been lied to for years and
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: didn't really notice it. So I'm like, I don't know,
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: maybe everyone's like that. You get scared and it's so
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: hard to get out there.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: It's the trust and you've been through it. You go
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: through it once, going through it twice, it's just like
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: I'm never bringing down the barrier.
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: Literally one after another.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: I'm never bringing down that barrier again. My trust is broken.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: I'm never trusting anyone ever again.
• 27:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: I would just be like, done.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: No.
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: I mean, you shouldn't be because you shouldn't just assume
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: that everyone out there is bad. But I understand where
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: you are now. And like, that sucks. And I hate that.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: And I hate that like these bad people find these
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: good people and then it just ruins them.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story.
• 28:00
  Speaker 6: Let's head to the next one.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: Hey, this is Riley, the new Californian here. We're going
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: to get back to these stories, but here's three minutes
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: My fiance gave me an ultimatum.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: Her or the job of my dreams.
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: Well, I'm packing my bags, babe. I, 27 male, have
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: been given the opportunity of a lifetime for my career
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: in Oklahoma, and my fiance, 25 female living in California,
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: has been completely supportive up until now. Now, being one
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: month before I relocate, we have been in a somewhat
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: long-distance relationship throughout our engagement, roughly two hours away from
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: each other. I graduated college and landed a career with
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: a very large and successful company in the oil business. Nice.
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: For the past two years, I have been promoted four
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: times due to my qualifications and hard work. I have
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: finally been given the opportunity of a lifetime by being
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: offered a position to develop a new division within my company.
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: With this opportunity, I will have to relocate to Oklahoma.
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: My fiance has just completed nursing school at the top
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: of her class and has just started her career as
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: a nurse. I received notifications several months ago. When I
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: first told her about the opportunity, we both had our doubts.
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: Because who wants to move to Oklahoma?
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Fallen Misery, and if
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: you want to submit your own stories, go to the
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: I'm Dakota.
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: I'm Riley.
• 29:29
  Speaker 7: And we're here.
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: To give some good advice in a goofy way, but
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: we don't have all the answers. We only tell you
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: what we would do. So let us know what you
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: would do.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: Down in the comments.
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: Anyways, after the initial shuffling, both of us agreed that
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: this would be a great opportunity to get all of
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: the travel and upward movement out of the way before
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: we settle down and start a family. Tonight she called
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: me and basically gave me an ultimatum her or my job.
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: In her defense she has never moved out of her
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: hometown and is very scared to leave behind both of
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: our families. At this point, it is too late. I've
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: accepted the job, and we have already hired my replacement.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: If I back out, I risk my reputation and possibly
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: my career. If I don't, I risk losing my fiancé.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: Any advice?
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Alright, um, I don't know. You could be a nurse anywhere.
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: They're hiring.
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: You're good. That's true.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Stay in California.
• 30:18
  Speaker 6: I think, I think.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: Or move to Texas.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you just gotta have a heart-to-heart, and if she
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: doesn't agree, then it's like, that sucks.
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: Opie added in the comments... She is scared to leave
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: her friends and family. She is a very dependent person,
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: even though she would never admit it. This position would
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: require me to travel quite a bit, meaning if she
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: moved with me, she would be home alone often. The
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: move to Oklahoma is not permanent. It's basically a starting
• 30:44
  Speaker 5: point that is centrally located in the USA. Once we
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: establish the foundation of this division, I will be able
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: to relocate anywhere I would like. I've explained to her
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: that this is an opportunity for the both of us
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: to create our own foundation for a family and our future.
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: My problem is that if I choose to stay, I
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: may never have an opportunity like this again, which will
• 31:06
  Speaker 5: end up with me resenting her. But if I go,
• 31:09
  Speaker 5: she may resent me for taking her away from family. Truthfully,
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's going to work.
• 31:14
  Speaker 6: If she can't see big picture.
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: They both want different things. I will compare it to
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: me and my head.
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: Like, I always do.
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: But he literally told me, he was like, I don't
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: want to do long distance.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: I don't like long distance.
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: OP also adds, I made it part of my negotiation
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: that I will be allowed to fly back home every
• 31:35
  Speaker 5: two months, fully funded by my company. Also, I offered
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: to fly her out on the months I cannot come. Unfortunately,
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: I am unsure as to how long I will have
• 31:45
  Speaker 5: to stay in Oklahoma. I do know that it is
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: not temporary.
• 31:50
  Speaker 6: Big picture, dude. It's big picture stuff.
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: Wait, it would be Kemper.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: If she can't stay with you through the big picture stuff,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: then you've explained everything.
• 32:02
  Speaker 6: You know what?
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: I would bet, I bet if you do take this
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: job in Oklahoma, she'll come around. But at that point,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it'll be too late. Because
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I don't think you should not... I don't think you
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: should torpedo your.
• 32:19
  Speaker 6: Whole career path over this because... That doesn't make any
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: sense in the big picture.
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: So I think they have two separate pictures. She sees
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: herself settling down in her hometown with her family.
• 32:34
  Speaker 6: Which she could still do.
• 32:36
  Speaker 5: But she doesn't think so. Because they're going to be traveling, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: Those types of people are afraid of change. They just
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: want to stay where they are. They are comfortable there.
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: They don't want to venture out and do other things.
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: But other people.
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: Want to go travel like their career focused first.
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: Like, I don't know.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't think
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: either of them are bad. It's just they both aren't aligned.
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: And I think you are going to.
• 33:03
  Speaker 6: I know it is.
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: She's fiance, right? Yeah.
• 33:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: I truthfully don't think that it's going to work.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: Update.
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: As of now, she is not taking my phone calls.
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: I've left voicemails and texts explaining how this would benefit
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: our future and that I want to hear her out.
• 33:19
  Speaker 5: But I have yet to hear from her. The advice
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: in this thread has been very helpful. I'm just glad
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: that I'm not the only one that thinks my dream
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: job is worth the risk. I have always told her
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: that in order for us to be happy as a couple,
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: we need to first be happy with ourselves. At this point,
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: I see it as a potential to not only grow
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: in the company, but as a very strong entry for
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: my resume if things were to not go as planned.
• 33:44
  Speaker 7: See?
• 33:45
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you know why this story is pissing me off?
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: Why is it pissing you off?
• 33:49
  Speaker 6: Because his fiance is choosing to la-la land them when
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: they don't need to.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, good point.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: She could just go be a nurse in Oklahoma for
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: X amount of time, and then once he's done setting
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: up and, you know, making that division in Oklahoma, he
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: can literally go wherever he wants, they can go back,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: but she can't do that.
• 34:12
  Speaker 6: She's la-la landing their whole thing.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: It's not a permanent solution. It is a temporary solution
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: to a permanent problem. And the permanent problem is finding
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: work and providing.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: And some people see it as a problem. Some people
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: love it. And I love the way I do to provide.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: And I put in a lot of hard work, and
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: you guys have too. And that's what it takes. You
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: have to do that.
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: I completely agree. And like I said, I don't think
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: either party's wrong. It's just some people feel more comfortable
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: with that. Some people are more relationship driven and, you know,
• 34:48
  Speaker 5: that's what they focus on. Other people are more career.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: Luckily for us, we have no children and nothing to
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: hold us back from moving other than family. Now is
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: the perfect time to go through the relocation requirements to
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: advance my career. I've taken the job already. They have
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: hired a replacements. If I were to turn the new
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: position down, I would lose my job and destroy my reputation.
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: I guess the best thing for me to do is
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: go and hope that she would just try to endure
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: the distance for a while. I forgot to mention she
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: cannot move with me for another year due to her
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: being contracted to the hospital she is employed at.
• 35:22
  Speaker 6: Okay, big, big thing to forget to mention.
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: What?
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: I mean, she can't break. She can't get out of
• 35:29
  Speaker 6: that contract. She can't break that contract at all.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: Sometimes if people, if a hospital funds you, you have
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: to work at the hospital until a certain amount of
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: time before you can.
• 35:39
  Speaker 6: Okay. So that's a huge thing.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: Why are we now just mentioning that?
• 35:43
  Speaker 6: How is that?
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: By the way, she literally can't move for a year. Well,
• 35:48
  Speaker 6: that's completely different.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: So regardless of whether I stayed or not, our relationship
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: would continue to be a long distance relationship. Two years later.
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: So I kind of fell off the grid there due
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: to my job responsibilities. I apologize for that. Two years later,
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: my fiance and I called off the wedding. We tried
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: to do the long distance thing for a while, but
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: she ended up gaining an interest in someone else.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
• 36:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah, at least she said it. All right.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Did she?
• 36:16
  Speaker 6: Well, whatever.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: Do you think it was someone else this whole time?
• 36:19
  Speaker 7: No.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: No, I think she just considered him leaving the end
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: of the relationship and then just allowed herself.
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: To be emotionally available for.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: A new person.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: She already, he already said that she was dependent on people.
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: I think that she can't be alone. And so I
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: think that was her big thing of she can't be alone.
• 36:36
  Speaker 6: Big oof.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: And I was starting to take notice. So I ended
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: the relationship about a year ago. I mean, it does suck,
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: but ultimately I think it's better in the long run
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: because it wasn't going to work. You both had two
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: different ideas and she's very dependent. You obviously are not. It, it,
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: those types of relationships like usually don't work. After being
• 37:01
  Speaker 5: here in Oklahoma for almost two years, I can say
• 37:03
  Speaker 5: that I hate Oklahoma, but would not change my decision
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: to take the job opportunity. There's definitely a light at
• 37:11
  Speaker 5: the end of the tunnel. I will eventually be moving
• 37:13
  Speaker 5: to Denver, Colorado within the next year. And I'm super excited.
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: This opportunity has expedited my role within the organization. And
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: because I accepted a new opportunity to take a leadership
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: role has presented itself to me. Which is the reason
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: for the move to Denver.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Moving to Denver to be a leader of men and women.
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he knew it was a temporary move for two years.
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: You had to put in the, what do you call that?
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: Putting in your hours? Putting in the.
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: Cutting the teeth.
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: Nitty gritty work.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Until you got to, yeah. It happens. It's everywhere you go.
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah. My dad always says that. I would like to
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: thank everyone here for their advice and apologize again for
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: the delayed response. End result, taking the job in Oklahoma
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: was the best thing for my career. There are some
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: final comments. New Hard Drive says, so are you single
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: now or do you have a new girlfriend in Oklahoma?
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: OP responds, I'm still single. I've dated here and there,
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: but I made the decision to try and stay single
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: for a while after calling off the wedding. After a
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: seven year relationship with this person, I kind of had
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: an identity crisis and lost a lot of the goals
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: that were in place with my ex. I needed a
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: new foundation of independence and told myself that until I
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: am happy with myself, it would be wasted time trying
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: to make someone else happy. I think after a year
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: of being single, I've accomplished many self-imposed goals that I
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: would never have done if I were distracted by a relationship.
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: How's the job going?
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: As of right now, I'm pretty safe. But like always
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: in the oil industry, there are no guarantees. Luckily for me,
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: I've gained several contacts inside and outside of the industry
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: and have a backup plan if things go south.
• 38:48
  Speaker 7: Deleted says, hmm.
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: You chose your career over being happy. Granted, she sounds
• 38:52
  Speaker 5: a bit crazy and I wouldn't have proposed anyways.
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: Interesting.
• 38:56
  Speaker 6: Bro, shut up. Yeah, what? What comment is that?
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: She sounded like, kind of like a witch.
• 39:03
  Speaker 6: That guy.
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: But you also chose your career and you're not happy?
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: It's that guy's voice.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Interesting that you choose not to be happy, even though
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: your fiance does seem a little bit crazy.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Intriguing.
• 39:16
  Speaker 6: OP responds, people change.
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: Were engaged for almost two years i'm no saint and
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: neither is she everyone has some level of crazy she
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: just wasn't willing to part with family and friends which
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: is understandable we are still somewhat friends she is actually
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: dating one of my friends.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Lol weird weird but if you've been dating for someone
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: for seven years and then you date a friend of
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: them that's that's that's your that's you're weird for that
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: yeah it is.
• 39:44
  Speaker 5: Weird not my friend i still love her as a
• 39:46
  Speaker 5: person and wish nothing but the best for her It
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: just didn't work out for us. Luckily, we dodged the bullet.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: Things could have been a lot uglier if we had
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: gotten married.
• 39:56
  Speaker 6: Or had children.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah. True. Yeah.
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's weird, bro. That's a weird thing to do.
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: That's weird.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: It's so weird.
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: You guys were engaged.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: It's weird. Why did that friend swoop in?
• 40:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I've dated a friend's ex once, and it was from
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: a different era of their existence.
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: And it was also like, hey, this is going to
• 40:21
  Speaker 6: be weird, right? Like, this will be fine?
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: It's so weird to do that.
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: And just shows that I think you're totally right, Savannah.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: It's like she just literally doesn't know how to be
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: alone and was like, oh, the next most adjacent person
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: to me I could have feelings for, I will go
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: ahead and be with them. Yeah.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story.
• 40:44
  Speaker 6: Let's head to the next one.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: My fiance can't say no to anything. And I want
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: to call off the wedding because of it.
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: Oh, no.
• 40:52
  Speaker 7: Chronic people-pleasing interrupting a wedding.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: Not good. I, 30 male, have been with my fiancée,
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: 27 female, for three years, eight months engaged. We've had
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: our ups and downs. But for the most part, things
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: have been pretty great. Until she moved in six months ago.
• 41:12
  Speaker 7: Uh-oh.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: We've been combining our lifestyles and finances, basically easing into
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: merging our lives together. The problem is she's a people
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: pleaser in her own words. She's been in therapy for
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: six years, and I guess I never knew how bad
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: it was until moving in with her, a lot of
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: which she's hidden from me. I don't want this to
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: get too long, so here are some of the highlights
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: in no particular order. Number one. She recently was promoted
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: into accounts payable at her company and realized she is
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: the lowest paid person on payroll.
• 41:51
  Speaker 7: Oh, that's terrible.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. She didn't negotiate a good starting wage
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: and has never asked for a raise or had one
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: despite multiple promotions. By the way, this comes from RelationshipThrowaway99.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: And if you want to spread your own stories, you
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: know where to go. I'm Riley.
• 42:12
  Speaker 7: I'm Stephanie Morfitt, a licensed clinical social worker here in
• 42:15
  Speaker 7: Los Angeles, also licensed in Oregon. Shout out to people
• 42:18
  Speaker 7: on the West Coast. Hello.
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: I'm also Sophia.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: And Stephanie's going to give us some actually good advice.
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be the goofy one. She's going to
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: be the one to nail it just right. And if
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: you guys have anything you'd like to add, please do
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: it right down below. So OP says she inherited a
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: car a few months ago and sold it. She had
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: offers online from $ 18, 000 to $ 25, 000, but sold it to
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: the first person who showed up for $ 10, 000?
• 42:47
  Speaker 7: I mean, that's a ton of money left on the table.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: It's like $ 15, 000 to $ 8, 000. Oh my gosh. Another thing,
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: she caught someone stealing her bike at college. The woman
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: stealing the bike managed to convince my fiance that it
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: was actually her bike, and my fiance just let her
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: take it? Despite the fact that she actually caught the
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: woman cutting her bike lock off?
• 43:14
  Speaker 7: This is almost unbelievable. I just don't know what to say.
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: This can't be real. Oh, my gosh.
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: He's like, she wanted it more.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: Those are your initials.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: You're right.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh. Last spring was my 30th birthday, and
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: she ordered a giant chocolate cake for the party. The
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: cake normally comes with nuts, but given my allergy for nuts,
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: she ordered it without them. Well, she went to pick
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: it up, and it had nuts on it. She just
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: paid for it and brought it home? I couldn't even
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: be in the same room as the cake?
• 43:48
  Speaker 7: This is pretty intense, the way this is disrupting their lives.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Which brings us to tomorrow. My father
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: recently passed away and I need to fly to the
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: other end of the country to get things sorted out
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: with my family, attend the funeral, etc. Meanwhile, we recently
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: had a pipe burst in our home and the contractors
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: will be out tomorrow to fix it. My flight's at
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: 6 a.m. and my fiance will have to handle it,
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: including all the negotiations, because we don't know the extent
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: of the damages. Now, Stephanie... What is your confidence with
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: this woman to find a backbone with these negotiations?
• 44:34
  Speaker 7: This isn't going to happen overnight. Yeah, my confidence is
• 44:38
  Speaker 7: pretty low. I'm worried.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Have you seen anything like this?
• 44:43
  Speaker 7: I've seen versions of this, but I'll say that the
• 44:45
  Speaker 7: financial implications, her career, the way it's interfering with the
• 44:50
  Speaker 7: fiancé' s health and the nuts and the birthday cake and
• 44:54
  Speaker 7: now this burst pipe, this is extreme. This might be
• 44:58
  Speaker 7: one of the most extreme people-pleasing scenarios I've heard. Wow.
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. I've been giving it a lot of
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: thought and I just don't trust my fiance to handle it.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: And if I can't trust her or rely on her
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: to do something like this, how can we be really
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: life partners? I mean, I trust that she's always looking
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: out for me and has my best interest at heart,
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: but I can't trust her to get things done. We've
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: talked about it for a few times before. but it's
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: always been unproductive. Stephanie, we have a little bit left here.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: I want to hear what you're thinking right now.
• 45:33
  Speaker 7: Well, I can't help but understand why this person is
• 45:36
  Speaker 7: considering postponing or calling off the engagement. I mean, there
• 45:41
  Speaker 7: are some serious implications that this chronic people pleasing has
• 45:44
  Speaker 7: had on their relationship. And I have a lot of
• 45:47
  Speaker 7: compassion for this person who doesn't have a backbone and
• 45:50
  Speaker 7: people pleasing comes from you know, a deep place of insecurity.
• 45:55
  Speaker 7: And while I can appreciate that she has intentions and
• 45:59
  Speaker 7: has the best interest of her person in mind, but
• 46:04
  Speaker 7: she's not behaving in a way that's really making that happen.
• 46:07
  Speaker 7: I just think of bringing home this cake that he
• 46:09
  Speaker 7: couldn't even be in the same room with.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 46:12
  Speaker 7: That's a serious allergy.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: It's a little dangerous. It's gotten dangerous. Chrissy Cameron says
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: she needs a new therapist. Would you agree?
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: I did see that.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: She's been with them for six years.
• 46:22
  Speaker 7: Yeah, at least a different type of therapy. You know,
• 46:25
  Speaker 7: therapy does not have to be years and years long.
• 46:27
  Speaker 7: It can be short-term and extremely effective.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and there are different types of therapy.
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: Is that correct?
• 46:34
  Speaker 7: Tons of different types of therapy.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: What are like the most common ones?
• 46:37
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I'll give you an analogy three ways. So think
• 46:39
  Speaker 7: of it as a mechanic. So some therapists are the
• 46:42
  Speaker 7: type of mechanic where you bring your car in and
• 46:45
  Speaker 7: you look over the car and you talk all about
• 46:47
  Speaker 7: the car and you understand the car. And understanding your
• 46:49
  Speaker 7: car is really important.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 46:51
  Speaker 7: Then there's another type of therapist where they're going to
• 46:53
  Speaker 7: look at the alignment and how it runs over the
• 46:55
  Speaker 7: road and is it smooth in the body of the vehicle.
• 46:59
  Speaker 7: Those type of therapists, mechanic, are somatic therapists, and so
• 47:03
  Speaker 7: they're going to help you feel comfortable in your body.
• 47:06
  Speaker 7: Then there's cognitive therapists like myself where we're a kind
• 47:09
  Speaker 7: of mechanic. We're going to go over. We're going to
• 47:12
  Speaker 7: pop the hood. We're going to look at the engine together.
• 47:14
  Speaker 7: We're going to see how it's not working. Then I
• 47:17
  Speaker 7: give you the tools and teach you how to fix
• 47:19
  Speaker 7: your car so that way you It's fixed. And then
• 47:22
  Speaker 7: you can fix it whenever it breaks down again.
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's really nice.
• 47:25
  Speaker 7: You can work with me like five, six months and
• 47:27
  Speaker 7: then you don't really have to come back unless you
• 47:29
  Speaker 7: want to.
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: Just for like a tune in checkup. Oh, wow. Yeah,
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: that's really nice. OK, here's the story. She's convinced she's
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: just being nice and doesn't like confrontation. Then brings up
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: examples of extremely confrontational people. I think she puts her
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: aversion to conflict above her own slash our long-term goals.
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: And she needs to find a happy medium. She doesn't
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: understand how negatively this is impacting her life. But at
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: the same time, we've had some amazing years together and
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: she is really a great person. We're compatible in almost
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: every other way. So is this over like I think
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: it is? Is there any way I can get through
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: to her? Should I tell her I'm thinking about leaving?
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: We got comments. OP replies to them. First question he asks,
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: so is this over like I think it is?
• 48:31
  Speaker 7: I think relationships are worth working on. I may have
• 48:34
  Speaker 7: missed this, but I would be curious to know, has
• 48:37
  Speaker 7: he talked to her directly to list out the ways
• 48:40
  Speaker 7: in which this is impacting the relationship? If he hasn't
• 48:44
  Speaker 7: done that yet, I would encourage that.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: He highlighted some things. It seems like they touched on it,
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: but I don't think they've had a deep conversation about it.
• 48:52
  Speaker 7: Yeah, they've got to have a deep conversation because she
• 48:55
  Speaker 7: won't know. She really does think she's doing this to
• 48:58
  Speaker 7: avoid confrontation, which is interesting because she's actually creating the
• 49:02
  Speaker 7: very reality she's trying to avoid. That by pleasing everybody,
• 49:06
  Speaker 7: she's avoiding confrontation, but it's actually creating a ton of
• 49:09
  Speaker 7: conflict with everybody around her.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 49:11
  Speaker 7: Especially those most important to her.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: My gosh, right? I can't even bring home the right
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: cake or confront someone. Why do you think someone has
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: became a people pleaser like this?
• 49:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah. We learn very early on in our environments, are
• 49:27
  Speaker 7: we going to be accepted for who we are and
• 49:30
  Speaker 7: loved unconditionally? Or are there conditions to being accepted and
• 49:34
  Speaker 7: having our needs met. And for those of us, myself included,
• 49:38
  Speaker 7: when there's instability in our childhood and we're worried about
• 49:42
  Speaker 7: getting our needs met, we learn quickly that if we
• 49:45
  Speaker 7: are pleasing to those caregivers, well, we're more likely to
• 49:49
  Speaker 7: be cared for and looked after and emotionally attuned to.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: I think I got a touch of that too growing up. Yeah.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: It's tough. It's Over time, it's a little easier to find,
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: but it is hard for some people. Kim Roberts says,
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: you can't depend on her to have your back when
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: it counts when times are tough, which I think, like,
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: I always look at dating as, like, trial period.
• 50:15
  Speaker 7: Mm-hmm. This is more than dating, though. I mean, they
• 50:17
  Speaker 7: are engaged. They're living together. I thought it was wise
• 50:20
  Speaker 7: they moved in, and six months ago, they're able to
• 50:23
  Speaker 7: see what's really underneath a lot of this.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Under the hood.
• 50:27
  Speaker 7: Mm-hmm, under the hood.
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: So we have some more context here. Comment one. Do
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: you plan to have kids? As a mom, that's what
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: came to mind first because you absolutely cannot be a
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: people pleaser as a parent. Obie says, no concrete plans yet,
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: but we've talked about kids in the future. I definitely
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: want kids though, which is a big part of my
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: issue here. I'm worried that just like you said, if
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: we do have kids, she won't be able to keep
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: them safe. She's been seeing this therapist for six years
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: and there's not been much progress. Yikes. And then someone
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: asked about the therapist. If she's been in therapy for
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: six years and hasn't had considerable progress, she probably never will.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: In your situation, I would dump her. Obie says, I
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: think a different therapist would help. But she just flat
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: out rejects that notion. To be honest, she told me
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: about their conversations, and I think the therapist is just
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: telling her what she wants to hear.
• 51:26
  Speaker 7: Okay, confession. Therapists do that. Yeah, it's hard for therapists
• 51:31
  Speaker 7: to even be confrontational in the room with their clients.
• 51:34
  Speaker 7: And so you can imagine you have a client coming
• 51:36
  Speaker 7: in talking about how scared they are with confrontation. The
• 51:40
  Speaker 7: therapists themselves may not want to confront that.
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: Why do therapists do that?
• 51:44
  Speaker 7: Well, therapists are people, and they're worried about hurting feelings.
• 51:48
  Speaker 7: And also, you know, a client that keeps coming back
• 51:52
  Speaker 7: every week for six years is a source of income,
• 51:55
  Speaker 7: which is why sometimes briefer models are more unpopular... with
• 52:00
  Speaker 7: therapists because it's not really in our best interest financially
• 52:05
  Speaker 7: but I'm you know I'm one that is really in
• 52:07
  Speaker 7: the best interest of the client and I love to
• 52:09
  Speaker 7: see clients sort of work through their problems within months.
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah instead of oh come on back come on back
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: there's uh there's something in the bible that says like
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: be weary of people that like are soothing your ear
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: and not actually telling you what you need to hear
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: I'm always weary of that it's like because they tell
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: me to.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: But And that's the end of this story.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: favorite goofball host here. And we're going to get back
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: our sponsors.
• 52:41
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend's best friend revealed that my girlfriend didn't like
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: me when we first started dating?
• 52:48
  Speaker 7: That's betrayal.
• 52:50
  Speaker 6: Oh my gosh.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: My girlfriend, 30 female, and I, 28 male, have been
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: dating for six years. My girlfriend and I met when
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: she was doing pretty badly for herself. She had dropped
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: out of college, working at a dead-end job, and her
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: anxiety was through the roof. Over the last six years,
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: she has done remarkably well for herself. She completed her degree,
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: and she is much better at being able to deal
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: with her anxiety. Her career has started to take off,
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: and she was hired for her dream job.
• 53:26
  Speaker 7: That is amazing. That is a huge accomplishment.
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: All right. She is thriving and I want her to.
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: She has changed and I'm so happy to see her
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: be who she is today. She has been very busy
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: with her new job lately and we rarely get time
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: to spend together. She's also making new friends at work
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: and hanging out with them. I've met them a few
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: times and they are all smart, attractive people. People have
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: always looked at us oddly because she is gorgeous and
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: And I am not. I know what that's like. My
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: girlfriend's hot. A few people have started bug-eyed and asked us,
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: are you guys dating?
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: What?
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: What do you even say to that?
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: That's so judgmental.
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 54:18
  Speaker 7: People are bold.
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: Well, Opie, you just get to be like, yeah, we
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: are jealous.
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: Jealous? I bet you are. It really didn't affect me
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: as much earlier, but now that she's doing so well,
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: I'm just starting to wonder if she's going to wise up.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: She deserves better. Sometimes I worry that she started dating
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: me because she had very low self-esteem and she just
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: wanted someone to love her. Because wouldn't you say relationships
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: like a dream sometimes?
• 54:49
  Speaker 7: It can be. Yes, there is such a thing as
• 54:51
  Speaker 7: love addiction.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from ThrowRainTom12. And if you
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: want to speak your own stories, you know where to go.
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: I'm Riley.
• 55:01
  Speaker 7: I'm Stephanie.
• 55:02
  Speaker 4: I'm Sophia.
• 55:02
  Speaker 8: And Stephanie, could you introduce yourself for any new people here?
• 55:05
  Speaker 7: Yes, I'm Stephanie Morfitt. I'm a licensed clinical social worker.
• 55:09
  Speaker 7: I see clients in person in Los Angeles and all
• 55:11
  Speaker 7: throughout the state of California and Oregon.
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: All over. And Stephanie's going to be here to give
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: us the right advice. I'm going to be giving goofy
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: advice with Sophia today. And if you guys would like
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: to add anything down below, please do. Opie says, we're
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: hanging out at her place with her best friend. We're
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: all pretty wasted. And my girlfriend fell asleep on the
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: couch while we were still drinking. Her friend has a
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: tendency to talk a lot when she's wasted. And she
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: talked to me. I'm hearing the Jaws music happening right now.
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: She told me that she liked me and she hadn't
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: really expected the relationship to last. because my girlfriend wasn't
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: really into me, but she wanted someone to care for
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: her and dote on her because she was feeling horrible
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: about herself?
• 56:01
  Speaker 7: This is bad. This is worse, actually, than the tease
• 56:05
  Speaker 7: that you originally read.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is strategic.
• 56:09
  Speaker 7: This is strategic.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh.
• 56:12
  Speaker 7: Intentional betrayal.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: That's what that's called?
• 56:14
  Speaker 7: Oh, dude.
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: Have you seen Obsession?
• 56:18
  Speaker 7: I have not.
• 56:19
  Speaker 6: Have you?
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: Okay, I won't spoil. I won't spoil. It just reminds
• 56:21
  Speaker 4: me of a scene in Obsession.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: Do you want to see it?
• 56:24
  Speaker 7: I do want to see it.
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: Okay, no spoilers. It's really good. It's so scary.
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: You don't like scary movies, do you?
• 56:29
  Speaker 7: Well, I can tolerate them if the movie line is
• 56:31
  Speaker 7: good enough.
• 56:32
  Speaker 4: It's very good.
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: She told me that being with me has really been
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: good for her and she started to cry and talk
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: about how she was incredibly worried about her during that time.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: I awkwardly comforted her and fell asleep too. I have
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: been thinking about this conversation a lot. I know it
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: is silly. My girlfriend has been nothing but loving, and
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: this is a great relationship, but all my insecurities are
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: being inflamed by what I learned. I haven't talked to
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: her about it, but it feels like I got the
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: one-two to the gut. I'm so worried now that she's
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: going to break up with me when she realizes she
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: can do better than me. I just don't know what
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: I can do about this. I think she doesn't know
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: that her friend told me, and I just feel incredibly
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: wound up right now. I just should talk to her,
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: but I am not really prepared for what could happen next.
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: Update.
• 57:32
  Speaker 7: Well, the first thing is it's not silly. I can
• 57:35
  Speaker 7: hear that this is causing him a lot of pain,
• 57:38
  Speaker 7: and so to minimize it isn't going to be helpful
• 57:41
  Speaker 7: to the situation. I do think there are some serious concerns.
• 57:45
  Speaker 7: There's a couple of things going on. We've got a
• 57:47
  Speaker 7: friend who's intentionally betraying her other friend and trying to
• 57:51
  Speaker 7: get in the way of this relationship. And then what
• 57:54
  Speaker 7: we have is a relationship that started with one person
• 57:58
  Speaker 7: entering the relationship being very insecure. And now the roles
• 58:01
  Speaker 7: have sort of reversed. And I'm hearing that he has
• 58:03
  Speaker 7: a lot of insecurities that are surfacing. And not that
• 58:08
  Speaker 7: there's a power imbalance here that's much too dramatic, but
• 58:13
  Speaker 7: We do create a dynamic in our relationships when we
• 58:16
  Speaker 7: are with other people. And I'm just curious about this
• 58:19
  Speaker 7: shift with them. I would love to see what a
• 58:21
  Speaker 7: relationship is like for these two people where they both
• 58:25
  Speaker 7: feel confident and secure. And they could talk openly about
• 58:30
  Speaker 7: what this girlfriend said to him while intoxicated. And what
• 58:34
  Speaker 7: is it like for them that the girlfriend has become
• 58:37
  Speaker 7: You know, it sounds like she's really blossoming into a
• 58:40
  Speaker 7: version of herself that she's proud of and how that's
• 58:42
  Speaker 7: impacting him.
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: Sounds like an investment.
• 58:45
  Speaker 7: An investment.
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: That's what this whole story. Like, oh, she invested early
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: and now she has a big payout.
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: I guess he did. I don't know. But I didn't
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: even think about that relationship dynamic being flipped.
• 58:57
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: Because he is kind of voicing out, I'm kind of sad.
• 59:01
  Speaker 6: Well.
• 59:02
  Speaker 3: I'm kind of insecure.
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 59:03
  Speaker 7: And I bet most everybody tuned in. can appreciate being
• 59:09
  Speaker 7: in a relationship or a situation where they were the
• 59:12
  Speaker 7: ones that felt secure and then maybe growing some confidence.
• 59:15
  Speaker 7: I also think people can relate to minimizing what's going
• 59:18
  Speaker 7: on for themselves. And I felt sad hearing that, that
• 59:21
  Speaker 7: he said, I know this is silly, but no, it's
• 59:24
  Speaker 7: a big deal.
• 59:25
  Speaker 8: I also think it shows how who your partner is
• 59:30
  Speaker 8: that you're like, this person has so many amazing qualities.
• 59:33
  Speaker 8: I don't know how they could see all of that
• 59:34
  Speaker 8: in me. But when you're together for that long, they
• 59:37
  Speaker 8: usually think the same. They're like, I see all those
• 59:40
  Speaker 8: amazing qualities that you don't see in yourself. So just
• 59:43
  Speaker 8: talk to her and she'll probably have like, you know,
• 59:44
  Speaker 8: the same things that you're feeling about her.
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: Update. I really needed people reassuring me because I was
• 59:53
  Speaker 3: assuming the worst things. I knew that I needed to
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: talk to her. I told her what her friend had
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: told me and that it was bothering me and I
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: was not in a good place mentally right now and
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: was blowing it out of proportion. I just wanted her
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: to reassure me a little. She was surprised. But she
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: said she had been into me but she wasn't sure
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: I was into her and she had thought she was
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: wasting time dating someone who wasn't into her and was
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: trying to cool her feelings for me.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: Totally different to what the friend said.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 3: So the friend was lying.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 7: Or misleading or misrepresenting, right? There's a whole.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: There's a lot.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 7: True.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: She complained about me a lot to her best friend
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 3: at the start, but she said she had a huge
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 3: crush on me before I asked her out. She said
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 3: she had been expecting to be swept off her feet
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: and for me to pursue her instantly... made grand romantic
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: gestures early on, and I was not doing all of
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: those things. And she thought that if I had no
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: interest at the start, then I would be a lousy boyfriend.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: She was expecting me to show my real nature just
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: like her ex-girlfriend did. She said it took her some
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: time to realize that our relationship is healthy and I
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: was really into her. So I guess he was just
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: showing it differently.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 7: The part that stands out to me is, do you
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 7: know about this reassurance seeking loop?
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: No, what is that?
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 7: Yeah, it's sort of something that happens when we're anxious
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 7: and around uncertainty is we will seek reassurance from people
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 7: around us or in ways we engage in the world.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 7: And what's great about reassurance is we can get it
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 7: and it hits us and it's really calming, but it's
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 7: short lived. And then what happens after that is the
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 7: anxiety actually grows and And so the reassurance, although it's
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 7: a band-aid, it's not effective. And so I'd caution this
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 7: person or this couple and monitor their reassurance-seeking behaviors around that.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: So if it's a band-aid, how do you actually heal
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: the wound?
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 7: Well, that's where you have to do the work on yourself.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 7: And you are going to benefit most from being able
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 7: to reassure yourself and track your thoughts and your feelings
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 7: and your beliefs. And do what this couple did is
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 7: talk openly about it and understand and get all the
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 7: information instead of just worrying, worrying, worrying, seeking reassurance, having
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 7: somebody tell you, oh, it's okay. That is satisfying for
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 7: a little bit of time, but then it blows up bigger.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: She realized the immediate, you are my soulmate, I will
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: love you forever thing that her ex-girlfriend did was incredibly
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: toxic to actually building a healthy relationship. And I have
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: a question for you there. Is that a toxic trait
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: to have thinking people are your soulmates?
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 7: I think it depends on the way that it's expressed, right?
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 7: There's this term love bombing, you know, where somebody comes
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 7: in newly into a relationship and they're just dropping bombs
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 7: of love. And you're my soulmate. I've never met anyone
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 7: like you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 7: me within this very short period of time. So that
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 7: possibly could have been a toxic situation. Or if it
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 7: had been a relationship that was as long lasting as
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 7: this one is six years, I think after six years,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 7: you can develop feelings of you are my soulmate. We've
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 7: invested in this relationship and I care so much about you.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 3: But just being weary early on.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 7: Weary early on, Riley. That's exactly it.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: It really did reassure me because we have talked about
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: her ex-girlfriend before and the impact she had on my girlfriend.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: And it was a very toxic relationship. I also finally
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: talked about how I felt out of her league. She
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: told me she found me attractive. and she didn't care
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: what others had to say. We had a long conversation
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 3: about our relationship, and we were going to make more
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: time for each other. I will probably cut my hours
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: at work. I am also pretty sure she is going
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 3: to propose soon. Oh, this is adorable. She said, I
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: even bought a ring. When reassuring me. I pretended not
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: to hear that. I'm going to start therapy. These are
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: all things that I was able to just shrug off
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: before But they are bothering me now and that is
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: mostly on my self-esteem rather than anything my girlfriend has done.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 7: I'm really rooting for this.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 6: Right?
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 7: This couple and this, yeah, this man.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: Last one I was like, oh boy, but this one,
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: he's taking those steps.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 7: Yes, and the difference was, I don't know if you
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 7: caught this, is in the end of the story he wrote,
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 7: it reassured me, referring to the information and the conversation
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 7: and the open dialogue rather than I was looking for
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 7: reassurance from somebody else or like she or he was
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 7: reassuring me. It's a slight difference, but it's also a
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 7: substantial one.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: It's like whenever you eat food, are you getting junk
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: food or are you actually getting like good protein?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 7: Substantial protein.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: That's a good point.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 8: I think it also shows a level of understanding from
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 8: the partner perspective. That she wants to propose because this
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 8: guy has been so insecure about whether or not she actually.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 4: Is into him and she has the same feelings.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 8: She's like, I'm going to prove that and propose to you,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 8: which I think is really sweet.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story.