Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Is Never There
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I've been thinking about a specific kind of difficult boss that we haven't really dug into yet. The one who is never there. Not the micromanager, not the credit thief, but the ghost. The person whose name is on your org chart but whose calendar is a void. Luna: Oh, the ghost boss. I've had one of those. It's almost worse than a bad boss sometimes, because at least a bad boss is engaging with you, you know? Lucas: Exactly. With a ghost, you're not being actively sabotaged. You're being orphaned. And that creates this weird limbo where you have no direction, no feedback, but you're still accountable for results. Luna: Right. And in today's world, with remote and hybrid work being the norm, the ghost boss is probably more common than ever. It's easy to be absent when you never have to run into people in the hallway. Lucas: Let's make it concrete. I read a case study a while back about a marketing director at a mid-sized tech firm. She was traveling almost constantly — client meetings, conferences, internal offsites. Her team of six reported to her, but in any given week, they'd get maybe one quick call from an airport lounge. Luna: What did the team do? I mean, they can't just sit around and wait for her to check in. Lucas: That's the thing. Some of them did sit around, and their projects stalled. Others improvised and made decisions on their own, and then got blindsided when she came back and didn't like what they'd done. It was a mess. Luna: So what's the play? If you're in that situation, how do you manage up when the person isn't there to manage? Lucas: First step is to diagnose why they're absent. The ghost boss comes in a few flavors. There's the delegator, who genuinely trusts you and thinks they're empowering you by leaving you alone. That's the benign one. Then there's the overwhelmed boss, who has too much on their plate and is dropping balls. Luna: And then there's the checked-out boss, right? The one who's mentally already moved on to another job or is just collecting a paycheck. Lucas: Yes. And the strategy is different for each. With the delegator, you can actually work with them — you just need to set expectations so they know what you're doing. With the overwhelmed one, you need to make it easy for them to give you what you need. With the checked-out one, you might need to protect yourself more. Luna: So how do you tell which type you have? I feel like that's the first challenge. Lucas: Look at their behavior patterns. If they're absent but still respond to emails relatively quickly, they're probably just overloaded. If they're absent and your emails go unanswered for days, that's a different signal. Also, ask yourself: do they ever check in spontaneously, even briefly? The delegator often does a quick 'how's it going' every now and then. Luna: I've also noticed that the checked-out boss tends to cancel one-on-ones a lot. Like, they're always rescheduling or just not showing up. Lucas: That's a big tell. But even if you can't pinpoint the exact type, the core strategy is the same: you need to create structure where your boss hasn't provided it. That means taking control of the communication cadence. Luna: What do you mean by that? You can't force someone to be present. Lucas: You can set the terms. Instead of waiting for them to schedule a meeting, you send them a recurring invite. Every Monday, 30 minutes, no exceptions. And you don't ask if they can make it — you say, 'I've blocked this time for our weekly check-in, here's the agenda, please let me know if you need to move it.' Luna: So you're making it easier for them to say yes than to say no. That's smart. And then you use that time to get what you need. Lucas: Right. And you have to make the most of that time. Come prepared with a written list of decisions you need from them, questions that only they can answer, and a summary of what you've done since you last spoke. You're essentially turning the meeting into a decision-making session, not a chit-chat. Luna: But what if they don't even show up to that meeting? What if they're so absent that they ignore the recurring invite? Lucas: If that happens, you escalate. Politely. You send an email saying, 'I had time blocked for our check-in, but I know you're swamped. I've got a few decisions that are pending. Can I send them over in a doc and get your input by Friday?' You're not blaming them, you're just making the problem visible. Luna: And if they still don't respond? Then you might have to make a decision on your own — but you document it clearly and send it to them with a note saying, 'I've gone ahead with this because it was time-sensitive. Let me know if you'd like to adjust.' Lucas: That's exactly the move. You're using the 'better to ask for forgiveness than permission' principle, but in a structured way that covers you. You're not being reckless; you're being decisive and transparent. Luna: I think that's a key point. The ghost boss often forces you to become more autonomous, and that can actually be a growth opportunity. But only if you do it thoughtfully. Lucas: And that's the silver lining. If you can navigate a ghost boss without falling apart, you're building skills that look great on a resume. Self-direction, decision-making under uncertainty, stakeholder communication. But the risk is that you also get blindsided by their feedback later, so you have to manage that proactively. Luna: How do you protect yourself from that? I imagine it's the worst when they come back from a trip and suddenly have opinions about things you've been doing for weeks. Lucas: You preempt it. After you make a decision, you send a brief email that says, 'Here's what I did, here's why, and here's the impact. If you have concerns, I'd love to chat.' That way, you've created a paper trail and given them the chance to object early. If they don't respond, that's on them. Luna: It's like you're managing the relationship like a project. You're setting up milestones, checkpoints, and documentation. That's a really practical way to think about it. Lucas: Exactly. And there's another angle too. Sometimes the ghost boss is absent because they don't see the value in meeting with you. You need to show them that your check-ins are worth their time. So you make them productive. You bring them a solution instead of a problem. You show progress that makes them look good. Luna: So you're essentially selling them on the benefit of being present. That's a savvy move. And it ties back to the 'managing up' philosophy we talk about on this show a lot. Lucas: Right. And look, it's not always possible to fix the relationship. Some bosses are just gone. But even then, you can still make the best of it. You build a network of peers, you find mentors elsewhere, you learn how to get things done without a safety net. Those are all valuable. Luna: I think that's the key takeaway: a ghost boss can be an opportunity in disguise, but only if you're intentional about it. You have to create the structure that's missing. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's something we've talked about a lot on this show, and if it's helped you think through a career move or a tricky situation at work, that means a lot to us. We keep this podcast ad-free, and that's only because of listeners who support us. So if today was worth a coffee to you, that's the link — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a small way to keep these conversations going. Luna: Yeah, it does help. And honestly, even sharing the show with a friend who's dealing with a difficult boss is a huge help. But no pressure at all. Lucas: So, back to the ghost boss. One more tactic that's often overlooked: use the time you're not being managed to build your own visibility. Since your boss isn't around to advocate for you, you need to make sure other people in the organization know what you're doing. Luna: That's a good point. If your boss is never there to champion you, you have to do it yourself. How do you do that without seeming like you're going over their head? Lucas: You stay in your lane. You don't badmouth your boss, you just make sure you're visible in meetings, you share your wins in team channels, you volunteer for cross-functional projects. You're not trying to replace your boss; you're just making sure your work speaks for itself. Luna: And you can also ask your boss for a 'skip-level' conversation with their manager once in a while. Frame it as wanting to align on priorities. That way, you get exposure without looking like you're going around them. Lucas: That's a classic move, and it's smart. But you have to be careful with it. If your boss is checked out, they might not even notice. If they're just overwhelmed, they might appreciate that you're taking some off their plate. The key is to do it tactfully. Luna: I think we've covered a lot of ground. The main thing is: don't let a ghost boss make you a ghost employee. Stay proactive, stay visible, and keep communicating even if it feels like you're talking to a void. Lucas: And if you do that, you might just find that you're more capable than you thought. That's the upside. Now, for next episode, I was thinking we could tackle the boss who is never wrong. That's a classic. Luna: Oh, that's a good one. We've touched on it before, but I bet we can go deeper. Until then, keep an eye out for those ghosts.