Latest / Relatables / DILEMMAS: ARCHIVES 3

Transcript

DILEMMAS: ARCHIVES 3 · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Coming up on relatables, men are like, oh, women are
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: so confusing.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Women are so confusing. I don't know what they want.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: They never told me what they want.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: They literally do Okay, And if you're going to complain
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: about it, I'm going to give you a solution, which
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: means you can no longer complain about it.
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: Relatable Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Jake Craig aka Daddy,
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: and my partner in crime, a Study Clark.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah Clark that's my name aka Mummy. And Oddie is Mummy.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Because he's a pretty good album with dilemmas, and Jake
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: is Daddy because he's pretty pretty.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: What's going on? He's pretty?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: He's pretty there, he's pretty. He came out of me.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Oh that would make you my daddy.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am your daddy. Can I be your daddy?
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Who's your daddy? For today today only?
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's weird, but today's episode is a dilemma's episode,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: with the prop being oh god, goys, we.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Have a document. Guys. We've over how many now we're
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: at the three point seven thousand.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Fucking hell dilemmas from you guys, So we're very appreciative
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: of that. But with that, we can't get you everyone's
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: dilemmas in the main apps just because we don't have time.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: So we thought why not come back. We have a
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: full dilemmas episode to help you guys out, and if
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: you want to submit a dilemma, the link will be
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: in the description. Can be absolutely anything. Jake, to kick
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: things off, I've got a dilemma on my hands. I've
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: got an obsession.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: With what a car? Oh yeah, you keep on talking
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: to me about this short wheel based Pugero from Japan.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Ten k to shippit here is one hundred thousand k's
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: and stuff. Just do it, dilemma?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: No, well, I'm talking about I just do it logically speaking.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I have a car, a good car. But my dilemma
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: is can I justify it?
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: So my car?
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Actually, if I preserve the kilometers on it, it will
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: preserve the value.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I hate doing that. Go on, yeah, yeah, And.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: It's also quite big and large to drive around from
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: like here to like just going to the shops, to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: go to the gym.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: But I want it for long trips.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Is why I've pimped it out so I could argue
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: that I should get a little run about thing in
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: cert mister Bishi Piero mini. However, that means I have
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: two costs.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: This is you, Yeah, y happen? This actually funny enough
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I have this should be you online. I've got my
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: fucking card on me getting those details. You have that
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: in your pocket? I just I gave it to book
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: the other day to get groceries because she was going
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: to get groceries and I wasn't going. And then it
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: was in just like a little bowl that you have,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: like an everything bold front bench, just in there. I
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: didn't know when what was put it in my pocket.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Oh that's good.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Definitely gone through the wash, probably probably keep that safe.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: But my thinking is.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: You don't have to justify to me. I'm all for it.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Well I've got to justify it
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: to myself. I could put it on the business. Go
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: for it.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I don't give you ever came in the business and
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: like clam fuel, and then basically it'd be even I'd
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: pay you out and then we both plan fuel on
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: the business.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Go for it. I am all for that. It's a tax.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: I'm the worst person to ask if you should buy
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: something or not true true actually, or I'm the best.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to be very happy in that thing.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: I will won't know. Yeah, that's a great point. Think
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: about the day it arrives.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I know there's a lot to it. I've got to
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: do a bit more research obviously importing a car from Japan.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: But I really like and I enjoy researching.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Researcher. What you know. You know it's cool about the
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: j Japanese car is you get to have one of
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: the There's like this whole thing about people that love
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: maybe they're called rev heads AnyWho. There's kind of a
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: little culty following around Japanese vehicles. They're called K cars. Okay,
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: so I drive a Japanese vehicle, but I didn't get
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: it imported from Japan. Therefore my license plate will just
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: say New South Wales license plate number whatever. But if
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: you get an actual K car imported from Japan, you
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: get to have a license plate that has a little
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: bit of Japanese writing and it's like green. Do you like? Yeah?
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: And you get like you're part of like this CULTI
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: club that's cool. I want be part of the cult.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: You will you're allowed to? You imported it from Japan.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: That's sick A. There's one thing I can't wrap my
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: head around. I bet no one cares.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Is So you can only import it on certain laws
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: and it's got to be over a certain age and
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: with the age of the car they used to use asbestos,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: so okay, Yeah, a Specios was used in every for
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: five retardants. Yeah, it's heat resistant and I'm just going
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: to pay someone to do it, to be honest, saw
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: that shit out for me. But apparently before you get
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: it imported, they got to replace replace like the breaks
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: the exhaust pipe, the hood fucking something to do with
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: heat in the engine or something, which is like miniscule details.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: But it looks looks like I'm doing it. Guys, this
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: is going to be the coolest thing. Now have you
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: looked into so how much it's It's anywhere from like
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: ten to fifteen grand right, yeah? Is that for the
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: vehicle and then you have to import it.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: The vehicles the cheapest fuck over there as the Australian
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the other investment wise, the Australian dollar compared to the
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: yen is great.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: So you can buy them for like five six seven
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars important for about three.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Four okay, so it will be about ten to fifteen altogether. Yeah, yeah,
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: which pretty good. That's not really that bad, no brainer.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: It's actually I really got that bad because when you
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: drive that like, so, preserve the car you have right now,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: keep the k is low, take it on long trips,
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: and then you just rip around town ninety percent of
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: the time in this one. And it's a small engine,
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: it's gonna be super cheap to run. Who knows, you
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: might even not want to keep your youth. You might
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: sell that.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I could make money. But that's the dilemma. Guys. Comment
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: below doesn't.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Care, right, I was just definitely doesn't give a ship.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: One drove past the other day rarely and I was
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: excited and she's like, I don't like it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, whatever, it won't be yall.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but if it's excited, it does excite me.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: It does exactice to everyone.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do it this year this year, right, But
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: dilemma's jake, do you want to kick us off?
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: I do? I do? I do. Let me just get
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: you've got a long one, dude, are you doing? I
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: have a novel. I don't know if I'll do it
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: or not, but I do have a novel. Okay, I
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: love my best friend, but she has always been so
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: stupidly competitive with literally every aspects of our Lifeves A
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: few years ago, when introducing her to my boyfriend, she
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: turned to her partner and said, if she has a
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: baby before us, I'm going to kill myself legit in
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: front of my partner and I, Oh my god. She
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: is now struggling with her fertility while trying to conceive
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: lo and behold, I'm pregnant. My partner and I are
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: quite private and did not share that we were even trying.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: My bestie is is constantly complaining at how sad and
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: disrespected she feels when people announce their pregnancies on social media.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: Over the years, Eve if she asked if I was pregnant,
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: and because we weren't very far along and wanted to
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: ensure everything was tracking along healthy before telling anyone, I
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: said no, now, coming up on twelve weeks and ready
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: for the world to know. How the actual heck do
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: I tell her? I hate to make my pregnancy about her,
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: but also want to respect her feelings and struggles with
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: her own journey. Was Loki hoping she'd fell pregnant and
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: tell me so I could be like, yeah, me too,
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: that's the end of the dilemma.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I thought the dilemma was going to be like, yeah,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: we go play tennis or something and she's really annoying.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Oh this is tough.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty tough sometimes I'm gonna say it. Look,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: sometimes you have to be selfish. This is a beautiful
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: thing that you're going through. It's your baby, this is
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: your best friend's problem.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I know you have to.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Be acknowledging of her emotions, but also this is your
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: journey too.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: It's like it's her problem that she makes life kind
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: of a competition. Yeah, and I respect that you're wanting
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: to be like respectful of her struggles. And I think
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: that all you have to do is just sit it
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: down and be like, so I I really she seems
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: like the type person's probably gonna take it poor either way,
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: But just say, like, I I'm really excited to tell
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: you that I'm pregnant, and I just I wanted to
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: wait to tell you until I was kind of sure
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: it was going to be healthy and good, and I
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: really want to respect you know, the struggles. It's hard
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: as well, because like, what are you actually saying that
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: out loud? I feel like it's not the right thing to.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: I don't think you do that.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I think you don't even acknowledge that really well, I
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: think as a best friend, say you were having a
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: kid and struggling and whatnot, and then you knew does
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: she know that her best friend's trying to or not
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: at all?
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: Nothing? So the girl that's pregnant, she knows her best
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: friends trying because she's having fertility issues.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: And does the best friend who is really competitive know that, No,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: she didn't know.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: She didn't even know they were trying. But also, here's
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: where you've gone wrong. You were scared to tell you
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: were even trying. Yeah, because I was unfortunately as a
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: best friend, like say.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Jake was trying and struggling and then me and Cassie
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: got pregnant and like I knew he was struggling. I
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: think you would still be like, oh my god, I'm
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: so happy for you.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I would be like, I'd be like, I'm
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: so happy for you because we're trying and struggling. Yeah.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: But that's like that's how my mind was.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: But I'm thinking, like, does this make you reassess your
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: relationship if you're scared to tell your best friend the
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: best friend the most beautiful thing that could ever happen
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: to a human being. And she and if she just
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: goes full self centered and like.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Ah fuck yeah, fuck yeah, she sounds just a little
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: poor me type is. Yeah, so I think that I
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: guess there's probably no wrong way to do it. I
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: was gonna say, rip the bandaid. Yeah, it's going to
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: be a rip the band aid off situation. Just tell her.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: And how she reacts is how she reacts. If she
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: gets really upset, she gets really upset, you might need
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: to take a break for a little while, but hopefully
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: she comes to her senses and apologizes for how she reacted.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I think that the biggest issue I see
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: is that you were too scared to tell her you
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: were trying.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I would even say the biggest issue is the dynamic
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: of the friendship. So I don't know, it sounds scared
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: of her, Yeah, as a best friend. If like some
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: of the if you annoy me that much, and you're like, yeah,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: she does sound scared, I'd be like, girl like step back, like.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: This is controlling my life. How competitive you are?
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: But yeah, basically I think does own it, rip it
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: off and deal with how she reacts.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, agreed, and.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Then the balls in her court she can do I reckon.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: You could also be overthinking in a sense of rip
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: it off and she goes, oh my god, this is
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: the best thing ever.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm happy for I've ever benefited doubt, and she'd
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: be like, dang, we're struggling, happy for you. Yeah, And
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: then all you could just basically, I guess, don't just
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: start fucking bragging about it. Yeah, be tasteful, Like, but
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: just be tasteful about it, just in conversations. Just keep
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: in mind that she is struggling, you know, if it's like,
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: maybe let her bring up how is the pregnancy going?
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: Let let her You still want to be able to
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: vent to people about things, But it's like it would
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: be a little bit hard to say, like if you
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: got pregnant and then we were really trying, Like if
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: Cassie got pregnant, me and Beth were really trying and
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: we couldn't and like Beth and Cassie were hanging out
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: and Cassie just like was complaining about pregnancy a lot. Yeah,
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: it'd be that's like distasteful because like Beth really wants
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: to get pregnant and she can't, So you just got
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: to make sure you keep things in mind.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, be conscious of it. I think as an adult too,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: she should be mature enough to realize even if she
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: is really competitive and like struggling, just show face for
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: your best friend how happy you are for her, and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: then go home and complain to your boyfriend.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and like, naturally she's gonna be jealous that you're pregnant,
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: and but like if she takes that out on you,
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: that's crazy. Yeah, agreed. Next dilemma. Here is the situation.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: The guys I date, and even some I don't always
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: say the same thing quote I really like you, but
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: you're too innocent. They say they're afraid of hurting me
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: because I'm too sweet or too pure. I've even been
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: told you're too sweet. I just want to protect you
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: from the world. I feel like I'd hurt you if
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: we were together. This has happened at least five times.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: She had a crying face emoji day After that. We
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: usually stay friends, but then I get the little sister treatment.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: They become overprotective, warn me about other guys, say things
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: like don't trust him, don't trust any men, let's meet him.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I honestly don't understand it. I don't know what's wrong
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: with me.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, nothing's wrong with you, wrong with you?
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Even though they treat me nicely as friends. It makes
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: me sad because I date them because I like them,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I had feelings for them, and eventually I end up
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: seeing them with other girls who I guess aren't as
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: innocent as me. It makes me feel unwanted and it's
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: really confusing. I'm getting older, I'm thirty, and I keep
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: hearing the same thing, you're too innocent. I just don't understand.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I wish you could help me see what my problem is.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Please tell me what's wrong with me?
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Thank you have a lovely days. Yeah sucks. That's going
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: to a point where you think something's wrong with you.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Well, I guess yeah, And I could understand why she
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: feels that way because it's happened so many times for
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: so long, and you're like, it's a.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: Me problem now, Yeah, you would be convinced of you
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: problem human nature. Yeah, I just like, I don't know
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: why people are saying you're too innocent. I assume if
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: it looks thing you think like, she just looks really
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: innocent and young. She looks in it, she looks young,
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: looks innocent young, she's I don't know if that would
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: make me think you're too innocent, because like you meet
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: someone and you see how the way they act, so
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: like innocent sounds like a insult, right, it does? It does.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: It's like kind of it's coming across as an insult. Yeah,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: And I assume because like innocent is not an insult,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: you know, like quite often for a man, it's you
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: as like, oh, you're so innocent, But if you've been
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: hearing it your whole life, it's probably very annoying to here.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: So for you, it is an insult. But I'm just
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: trying to think, like we can shout from the rooftops
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: that there's no, there's nothing wrong with you, because from
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: our perspective and everyone else that would have ever heard this,
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: they would think that. But like you're the one experiencing it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: So it's just hard because you want to stay true
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: to yourself and five people have said you're too innocent,
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: and I just want to like protect you.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess it comes back to like, oh, it's
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: not what you want to hear. It's like, dude's a shit,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: men a shit. Yeah, And like it's so hard to
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: detach from what they're saying.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: But in the end, I think.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Whatever makes you innocent, looks, personality, anything, is what makes
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: you who you are, and that is beautiful in a sense.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And one guy eventually is going to come along and
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: appreciate everything that makes you you. And some people are
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: categorizing this as innocent, So I just say, be true
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: to yourself. It's easier said than done, but fuck them, yeah,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: because I think.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Maybe I think this could be a case of where
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: you have just actually had some genuine bad luck with men,
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: and maybe you are giving innocent okay, And so these
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: people are using something that they're making you the reason
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: why they don't want to be with you. But I
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: think that you're not too innocent. I think that they
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: just don't want to be with you, and they're too
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: scared and not mature enough to tell you they just
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: don't want to be with you because like the scapegoat,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: because yeah, to be to say you're too innocent, I
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: think I'm gonna hurt you. That I don't want to
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: hurt you. That's just projecting onto you and making you
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: the problem when you're not the problem. And now you're
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: convinced you're the problem, and so I think that, like
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: because someone someone said to it, Oh I just want
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: to protect you, fucking protect me, then be with me.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: They just don't want to be with you. And that's
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: the harsh reality of it. So I do think this
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: is a case of unfortunately, you've had a couple of
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: bad men. Maybe they seem nice, but they just haven't
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: admitted that they don't want to be with you, and
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: they've said it's because of you that they don't want
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: to be with you, and they're trying to make themselves
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: feel better. Makes it harder together. I think you just
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: need to keep on going, you go. I think that's
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I think that's the harsh reality of it. And I
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: don't have an answer of how to fix that, because
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: there is nothing wrong with you. So I'd say you
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: just have to keep on going and there will be
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: a man that like you're the one. I bet there
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: will be.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I bet he will appreciate all these characteristics that you have, yes.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: And he will not take advantage of them. Am I
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: the asshole?
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been hanging out with my boyfriend for a
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: year now. Yeah, wait, what hanging out? No, I've been
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: going out with my boyfriend for a year now, and
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: as much as I love him and we have fun together,
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: it doesn't seem like he cares all that much about
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: me or what I think. For my birthday last year,
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I really wanted a specific set of pajamas and he
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: knew this and got me them. Only thing is he
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: got them in the wrong color. Is this a red flag?
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I mean, maybe that's extreme, but I did specify which
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: two colors I want and he didn't get either. This
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: isn't the only occasion of small things going out the window,
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: and maybe it's not even an issue, but I can't
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: stop overthinking it means he doesn't really care enough about
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: me to take those things into account. Any input would
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: be helpful and be as harsh as you like. I
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: won't get offended. Thanks so much. Hmm, you know it
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: actually could. He genuinely just isn't listening to you. Could
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: be a bigger problem. So I can totally see why
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: you would think does he even care? Yeah, And the
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: short answer be maybe no, he doesn't. It's a very
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: very simple thing to be like listening to your girlfriend
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: say I really want these pajamas. I really love the
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: red and the blue, and you go into the shop
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: and you think like what did she say? What did
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: she say? Would say, I'll just get the purple, like
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: one thing having a bad memory, but like I just
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: think something like you know what I mean? Yeah, and.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say stay here and be on your tippy
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: toes for more to continue, Like if it's.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: A reoccurring thing, I think that because this one not
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: giving him an excuse. You don't know if the color
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: was in stock or not if you didn't ask him.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: But also it's like if he knew what color you
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: wanted when you opened it, he would have said, I
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: know you really wanted one of these two other colors,
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: but this is who they had, true, and so I
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: just really wanted to get you the pajamas. That's the
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: right thing to do, you know what I mean. And
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: it's like, clearly he just didn't give a fuck.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: It brings up a bigger problem though, where like I
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: think a lot of men don't listen to their partners
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: or the way they treat their partners aren't very healthy.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: They kind of just like, I.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Don't know his companion the right word, I don't keep going.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I was talking to this guy recently, actually my back guy.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Oh he spat it as an absolute bar.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I guess I'm definitely gonna butcher.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: It must be nice having a bad guy, Yeah, And
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: it was the different versions of men we were talking about.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: At Lost Paradise I went to. We were staying across
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: from like this group of boys and one girl was
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: staying with him and he was a partner of one
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: of the dudes, and me and Cassie, my girlfriend was
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: sitting in like the getting ready and you can hear everything,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: and he was joking and like it was it wasn't fine,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: but he was in It was in a playful manner.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Like every day he would like complain to her about
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: like dumb shit, like once they're going into the festival
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: and he's like, I can't remember what her name was,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: potend it was Amy.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: He's like Amy, hurry off, Like what are you doing?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: I've got to get in there with the boys. Like
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: what are you doing? He's like, you've been here all
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: day to sitting around doing enough. And he was joking,
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: but also like he wasn't.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, Cassie was at the start like oh it
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: was hah, And then it was just like this is
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: kind of like the it's just a little bit off
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: the way he treats girls and the way he views
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: his girlfriend. And I was telling my back guy about
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: this and he explained it in a sense of we
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: sort of talk about it as in frontal lobe development,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: but there's different levels of men and relationships, and he's
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: in a relationship. And it's also not to say it's
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: the girls in it too, where the loving attachment style
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: is she kind of looks up to him, Okay, and
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: she's therefore like just because that's what she thinks love
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: is and how she can be treated. But you can
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: realize that you can't see it when you're in it.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: And we've seen this plenty of times that that's not
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: what love is.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: And this guy might be thinking round circle two.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping I land here the pajamas thing that he
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: like he can do whatever he wants because she looks
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: up to him as a partner. He could be like
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: subconsciously thinking that, Yeah, and there's different levels to love
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: and you don't realize it too. You get to the
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: next one, and the next one I actually might do
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: some research on the other ones were really really insightful. Okay,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: that was like the bottom line, and that's not what
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: love is. And you'll eventually realize it. And so the
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: girl and the festival and this girl right here might
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: realize that, actually, this isn't what love is. This isn't
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: how I should be treated, This isn't anything to do
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: with love. And I've just been here thinking it's love.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: Hey, I actually I think that so to you, the Baud,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: he's sending this dilema in like, this is clearly something
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: that bothers you, and why should you have to just
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: accept that this is what he's like? Fuck that say something?
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: And I think people get scared of bringing something like
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: this up because their feelings toward it are going to
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: get invalidated, and so then they think that the feeling
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: is actually an invalid feeling because someone has said, you're crazy,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: you're overthinking it. And so one of my biggest pet
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: peeves is when someone's feelings get invalidated. And I try
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: my very best all the time to just like try
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: I try not to like sometimes I sometimes I invalidate
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: feelings and I try my best not to. And I
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: just think that if you say something and he says
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: that's dumb, he's invalidating your feelings. And if you say,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: don't you want do you not see that that is
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: just invalidating how I feel. I'm trying to tell you
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: how I feel about a certain thing. It's just a huge,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: huge tell to how they are as a person. So
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: it's like you're unfortunately figuring out that this isn't someone
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: you want to be with. Yeah.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: And I would go as far as saying, the fact
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: that you sent a dilemmay in, I'm going to assume
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: that this isn't.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: The only thing she said. There's many more.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I reckon, like, the fact that you've sent
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: this dilemma in is you realizing that it's an issue.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: It's an issue, and you want confirmation that it's an
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: issue because you don't know in your head. But realistically,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: if you listen to your gut, listen to your brain,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: listen to your heart, you'd be.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Like, hmm, this doesn't feel right, does it? Yeah? Yeah,
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: And they it's kind of hard because it's so hard
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: when you're in it. So this little thing means something
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: to you, Right, And so I go through maybe a
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: dilemmas in my head of like sometimes some feelings actually
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: are invalid, And it's like, how do you navigate when
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: there is a feeling that is invalid. My answer is,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: actually I don't actually know, but usually something can just
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: be so outlandish that it's fucking invalid. But I just
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: think that to me on someone on the outside, if
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: you told me that you brought this up and it
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: didn't get taken well and you broke up with them,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't think like, you're insane neither, you know what
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: I mean. Like, I wouldn't say, oh, you're you've got
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: two high standards. I would be like, honestly fucking vallid,
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: like little things matter.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: And it's also like deeping it quite a lot. Like
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: another thing this boyfriend's done is maybe in his life.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe in his life, birthdays don't mean anything to him,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: but in yours they do him as your boyfriend should
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: realize how much something means to you and make it
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: special for you. Yeah, and like just see what makes
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: up your girlfriend.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: He's not doing enough, I'd say, I agree. I don't think. Yeah,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I think he's not doing enough. I think that unfortunately.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: I think you need to bring it up and hopefully
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: he changes and if he doesn't, dump him. Agreed. Agreed,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: So no, you're not the asshole, by the way, Oh
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: not at all. That was a name only author.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Next dilemma, I think we've done something similar, but seems
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: to be a reoccurring problem, so let's talk about it.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: We're talking about moving in when our least cycles are
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: up in about six months. I love him a lot
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: and see a future with him and can't wait until
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I get to come home to him every day. The
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: problem is we have very different standards of cleanliness. I'm
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: a perfectionists, like to keep things organized, tidy, and it
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: helps me feel less overwhelmed and stressed. He has raging
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: adhd in brackets, has tried meds, didn't like them, and
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: his place is a mess where talking counters full of stuff,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: clothes and shoes all over the place. I often ask
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: him to pick up a bit so I can see
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: the floor before coming over. He has a dog, who
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I also love, but mess plus dog for only makes
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: it worse.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: He says, when we move in.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Together, we will make a tor chart and if that
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't suffice, hire a cleaning service. This sounds fine in theory,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: but my thought is why not start now. If he's
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: not keeping his own place clean, why should I expect
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: him to all of a sudden improve his life when
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: we move into move in together. People who have said
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: that's true, it's different when you do live with someone
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: and it's a shared space. So my dilemma is, do
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: men really change when living with a partner? Or should
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: I expect to be stuck living in squirrel?
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Or? What's squalor? Is that when used in a sentence,
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: I know what it means, but I don't actually know
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: what squalor means in squalor for the rest of eternity living. Yeah,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: it's hard, like when using a sense I kin'd of
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: know what she means, maybe just like stuck in the situation? Yeah,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: but yeah, I don't actually know what that means in
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: definition to answer your question. So, I don't think I
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: was ever as bad as this guy sounds. But I
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I changed when a movement with Beth. You were dirty?
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: We live together? You?
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: No?
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: No, I wasn't bad. I was just like I definitely
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: changed though, Like I went from being somewhat pretty neat
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: and dirty to now being like, fucking I'm a pretty
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: bit of a neat freak now, and it like annoys
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: me and I actually can't really relax when stuff is dirty,
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: and so I would say I definitely changed, but mine
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: wasn't like an extreme change.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: So we're hoping love takes over this man and so
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: just becomes a bit of a neat freak.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: And this and that's the thing. So it's hard, Okay,
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: let me think about this. So I have said before
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: that when I lived with my sister, I weaponized my incompetence. Right,
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: she was cleaner than I, And now I would say
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: I am now as clean as she was when I
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: lived with her, But for some reason, it took moving
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: in with Beth to do that. And so when Joanna
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: and I live together, she would complained about things and
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: I would weaponize maing competence by being like, there's different
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: levels of cleanliness, like yours is higher than mine, blah
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah. And then after she moved out,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: or after I moved out, unfortunately, I came to the
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: realization of there is really only one level of clean
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: and that's clean. And so I just don't want you
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: to be a victim of him weaponizing his incompetence, you
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. Yeah, And so basically there is
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: only one level of clean. You're not too clean, all right,
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: Like you're not a perfectionist, like you just like things clean, yeah,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: and like everything has a place to you. That's good
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: because everything should have a place. So I think that
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: in this situation, I just am not too sure whether
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: or not compromise needs to be spoken about. I think
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: he just needs to literally fucking pick up his act.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, like your thinking process in a
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: sense of you're like, why doesn't he make a change now?
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: Even though I'm coming over and stuff? Why don't you
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: just say that to him?
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, be like, look, I'm looking forward to moving in
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: with you, but we both know look around, like it's
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: not very clean here.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I don't feel very comfortable here. It's overwhelming.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just outright gross, and like I want to
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: live with you, but I'm struggling to see what that's
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: going to look like if you continue to live.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: This way, ballad bro, Because like, I wouldn't think it's
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: a bad thing to say. I don't even think it's
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: harsh if you just say because I will not live
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: like this, because why would he expect that of you? Exactly?
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: And to his point, so he's got ADHD which see
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it's like to live with that, Yes.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: But not taking away from that. His sort of way
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: out of it is high a cleaning service. To me,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: that seems like laziness.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: It's laziness. But also they come once a week. You're
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: not going to have them there every day, because that's.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Very like hiring a cleaning service doesn't seem like you're
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: trying to do anything.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: You're just trying to offload the problem. Like that rubbed
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: me the wrong way. Like, what's going to happen is
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: your house is going to be cleaned one day a week.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: It's going to be cleaned for twenty four hours, and
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: then it's going to start to get dirty and two
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: days in it's going to be fucked again.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think the compromise is I agree with you,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: there's only one level of clean. But maybe he has
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: an office or a gaming room which gets.
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: To be his room. I agree. I do agree with that.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: But also it's like I just think it just gives
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: him a reason to be messy.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I'm playing on the ADHD side of thing. Yeah, if
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: it was just the grub, I would say no.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just don't know. Also, anyone with ADHD please comment.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: Are we allowed to blame being messy on ADHD? You
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? Yeah, like is that the same
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: as you know, like pretty extreme example. But if someone
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: has ADHD, are they more likely to cheat? And they're
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: allowed to cheat because of that? Like it's an issue.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: But like this is me asking because I don't actually
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: I don't want to go out there and say, like
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: just because I don't want to be there be able
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: to go out there and say, you know, he needs
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: to pick up his act even though he has ADHD. Like,
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: so my question is are people allowed to blame being
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: messy on ADHD? Yeah?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And I don't know there'd be appropriate steps to working
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: with it, because I know ADHD is like you start
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: cleaning and you think about drawing, and then you'd go
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: drawing and you think about, oh, I didn't get anything
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: out of my car. I had a million projects going on.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I had the funniest ADHD moment yesterday. So I was
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: downstairs putting laundry on. I put all the laundry in
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: and then there was one more sock. Put it in,
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: and then I knew where the second sock was upstairs.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: All right, I go up to get the second stock,
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: second sock there's some clean washing on the stairs, and
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I will bring that back up with me
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: on my second trip after bringing the sock down, I
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: go up, I pick up the sock, I bring it down.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: I put it in the dirty laundry basket. I go
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: back upstairs. I leave that clean washing again. I go
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: up and then I start doing some work on my computer,
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: and then Johanna comes in and she goes, oh, I
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: do you reckon? I can get sprinkles out, which is
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: our pet snake, and I'm like, oh, yeah, why not.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: I get sprinkles out for Joanna, and I'm like, oh,
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: he's water needs filling up. I go downstairs, and when
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: I get to the bottom of the stairs with his
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: water bowl, I'm like, I literally just got nothing done
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: for thirty minutes.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Well, yo, my toxic trait is we've closed in the
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: washing machine. I have an urge of like, oh, I'll
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: get clean, I'll do my stuff completely, forget about it.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: My new washing machine doesn't beep e. But when's finished
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: there you go set a time in there for forty
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: eight hours. Yeah, then I wash it. I watched it
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: again vicious cycle, vicious cycle. But yeah, so help me
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: up with the answer of we I think we've given
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: our two cents on that, and then someone with AUDHD
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: please comment yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do too quickly.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: I got two back to back one's badges. They're pretty short.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: I left a relationship of ten years. We were engaged
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: and I owned a couple of properties together. I'm twenty
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: seven in living in the Gold Coast. I read Akatar
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: and Fourth Wing and realized I'm in the wrong relationship.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: Will I ever find a man as good as the
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: one in my books? Or did I leave my relationship
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: on false hope?
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: You did not leave your relationship on false hope. You
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: probably won't get a man as good as resand, but
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: you'll get one close.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: There you go. I assume. Look, I think like to think,
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: you know, if your standards are you want to restand you,
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: I think keep your standards, yeah, right, but like, obviously
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: you're not going to get a guy that has wings.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: He's not going to be magical, and I assume he's
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: not going to be the heir to the richest court
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: in all of Akata. All right, but if you want,
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: if your standards are the way rece treats faivorh not
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: those standards hard to come by. No, I mean they're
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: hard to come by. Should you lower your standards at all?
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: No?
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Honestly, Zayden Then's obsessed with Violet Akatar, not Forthling so much.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: A little bit has taught us so much about standards, women,
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: even men, and it's fun.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: My.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: So men are like, oh, women are so confusing. Women
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: are so confusing. I don't know what they want. They
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: never told me what they want. They literally do.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: Okay, And if you're going to complain about it, I'm
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: going to give you a solution, which means you can
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: no longer complain about it. Read Akatar, read Fourth Wing. Okay,
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: those books are written by women that are writing the man.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: They're telling you what they want. You don't have to
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: be rich, you don't even have to be ripped and
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: jacked and shit, that's just in there for the fun
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: novelty of it. You just have to treat them with respect. Okay,
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: couldn't have said a better mind. Read a read Fourth Wing.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: It's a prescription. It's the prescription sakes. Next one met
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: the most perfect man, flirted with him for months and
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: invited him out one night, and we had so much
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: fun until his younger brother mentioned he had a girlfriend.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: So I slept with a younger brother. Then I find
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: out that the other one is considering leaving his girlfriend
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: praying his younger brother doesn't say anything that's nasty, leaving
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: the girlfriend to get with her. I think, so, why
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: would you want to be with someone who does that? Anyway?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you always slept with the brother. That means
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: the other one's off limits. It should mean that, but
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: some people don't do that.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: No, some people don't do that, but it should mean that.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: I agree. Um, is that the dilemma? Answered? Oh, yeah, no,
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: you can't get so the brother that's leaving the girlfriend,
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: you cannot get with him, You cannot date him. Yeah, no,
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: telling you right now, you can dating. I'm telling you
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: what to do. Okay, for so many reasons, you cannot
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: date that man, Jake Before I get to my last
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: dilemma on Spotify and we move her a Patreon good
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: because I need a Wii. Where can the baddies? Fine?
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Patreon ah www dot Patreon dot com. Forward slash relatable
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: sixty nine.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: And it is eight dollars ninety nine a month. You
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: get an extra episode every single week. You get the
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Dilemmas extensions over there, and the book Club.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Early also over there. Everything's add free, yeah, no ads,
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: we can get some ads lately. Yeah, woo what it's
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: all add free over there.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: And might I just say as well, if you're enjoying
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: these episodes, please share them on your story screenshot. I'm
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: sending it to us and you're in the running to
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: win some free merch All right, quick ones for a
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: last one? Probably not a quick answer, though, Ah My
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: boyfriend has gained a lot of weight, like thirty key
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: lows in one year, and I don't know how to
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: tell him that. I want him to stop eating trash
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: and go back to the gym. I mean, he is
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: a totally different person than when I met him. He
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: can't even go up a bunch of stairs without losing weight.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do without losing breath. So
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do.
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: This is hard because on the subject of weight, it's
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: just a bit of a touchy subject. But well, she
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: did say one thing in there that resonated with me
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: a bit. She said, he's a completely different person to
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: whom I started dating. Now, I assume when you started
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: dating like he was thirty kilos lighter, which that means
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: he probably ate differently. He maybe worked out, she said,
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: don't want to go back to the gym. So you
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: started dating someone that ticked all these boxes, and so
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: he is a completely different person because that even means
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: like his personality is starting to change. I gotta say,
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: I think you just need to like say that. I agree,
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: because you have standards, you say like this, The weight
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: isn't the problem. His lifestyle is the problem. That's the thing. Yeah,
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: it's like him the way is a byproduct of the
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: person that he's changed into. So yeah, like to you,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: the weight probably makes you less attracted to him. Yeah,
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: you may feel shallow saying that, but look, it's fine.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: It is what it is. It's not shallow. It's like
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: it's just it's just black and white.
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: It is.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: And but I think, yeah, the problem is the fact
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: that he let himself get there. And so yeah, people
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: just get real touchy around weight and feel bad. And
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: he probably does feel self conscious. But it's starting to
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: affect you now.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just don't align with the decisions you
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: make in day to day life with food health choices,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: and it could be an underlying problem so you want
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: to be there to support him for why he might
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: be eating this way or putting on the weight, if
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: you want to stick around for that and get to
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: the bottom of that together. But also you just need
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: to voice how you're feeling because he might just be
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: unbeknownst to how you're feeling.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and just think he doesn't even notice.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: It's the classic boyfriend bod Like prior to getting a partner,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: you grind the gym, you become the best version of yourself,
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: and then some people who haven't been relationships before just go,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I've got the.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: Girl, like I don't have to try anymore. Yeah, it's
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: a hard one. Yeah, a lot of people do that
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: and they don't even realize they do it.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the effort's gone, and maybe he might just need
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: a little kick in the bum and be like, look,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: I fucking love you and I kind of just have
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: been doing the BAM in him and haven't even realized.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: Because like, how can you treat me good if you
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: can't treat yourself good? Exactly A good question, I think.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: Just tell him how you feel, and that's the only
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: thing you can do. Yeah, it's like hard because you
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: don't you're making it sound like your love is conditional,
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: but he's a different person. Yeah, this isn't who you
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: fell in love with. Yeah, so it's hard to bring up,
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: but gotta do it. Yeah, bad is That's it for
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: Dilemmas on Spotify. If you want some more, you know
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: what to do. Patreon link is in the description. Yeah,