Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / From Fear to Freedom: Rediscovering Your Core Identity with Rebecca Norton

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From Fear to Freedom: Rediscovering Your Core Identity with Rebecca Norton · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

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Hey, hey, hey, and welcome to Terry Messengers Genius Zone,
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the place and the space where you are going to have the
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greatest self development for your mind, body and soul.
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And boy oh boy, do we have a great line up of mindset,
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perceptual shifting and identity identity clarification in our
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show. So I would say grab your
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favorite drink, sit back and relax because I'm about to bring
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on board a wonderful woman. This lady is a personal
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development coach and lifeguard. So she brings her outdoors, her
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teaching and her training and her charity support all together
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into her coaching life. So one can only imagine how
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powerful that is. So as an outdoor enthusiast and
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a teen scorn lover and a lifelong learner, we are going
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to learn about how you can claim your identity, how you can claim
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your greatest power. And you are going to be in for a
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big surprise because when you stay to the end, she is going to
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do an actual powerful modality. So you are not going to want to
1:37
miss this. And with no further ado, let me
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introduce the beautiful Rebecca Norton.
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Hello, Rebecca. Hi, Carrie.
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Thank you very much for having me.
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It's really great to speak to you.
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And whereabouts are you gorgeous lady?
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I am in Sheffield in the UK. Wonderful, Yes.
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So we've just coming out of our winter.
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It's been a very cold winter. So come on spring, I can't wait.
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So we're we're nearly there, but I'm counting down at the moment.
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What's the weather like where you are?
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At the minute we're having a bit of a mini heat wave, so today
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it's forecast 30°. Now that's hot for the UK.
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We're not used to this sort of weather.
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So it is hot here at the minute, yeah.
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Wow, I mean, even if we were experiencing 30°, I would be in
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absolute heaven. So all right, enough about the
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weather. Let's talk the deep things, the
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big things. And, you know, I believe that
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your journey kind of begins where you actually read a book,
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feel the fear and do it anyway. And you know, this was, you
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know, had a bit of a, an effect on you and your personal growth
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journey. So how would you describe it in
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your own summary? What?
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What is the greatest thing you were able to take from that
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book? Firstly, opened up a whole new
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world to me. Like, wow, you know, I think I'd
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grown up where things were a little bit maybe limited, but
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reading that book, it's like, OK, so do things don't have to
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be the way that they've always been and you can change things.
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So I think that was the biggest take away and just learning that
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you can change your mindset and how to do that.
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So I absolutely loved it. It was like I said, it was just
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a real eye opener in how things can be different with some
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really practical, useful stuff that you can put into place
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quite on quite immediately. Yeah.
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And what was one of those things for you?
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Like, you know, feeling the fear and just doing it anyway?
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Do you remember having that moment where you went, oh, OK,
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this is what I'm going to do. Yeah, it coincided with me going
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on Camp America program, so I was at university and somebody
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recommended the book. So it was a huge leap anyway,
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that I'd taken. It was the first time that I'd
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been away from home for an extended period of time in a
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country where I'd never been before.
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And reading the books, I think both of those things combined
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together and learning to, although this might sound really
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silly and little to some people, learning to ask for things
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myself. So I would always, if I went
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into a shop, it would always be a friend who'd asked for
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something on my behalf or whatever.
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But actually just learning to ask for things myself.
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That that was a real big yeah. I remember going out for dinner
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with a friend after reading that book and after that summer and
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just confidently going up to the bar and ordering myself and
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their meal, which I would never have done before.
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So, you know, that may seem very small to some people, but for me
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that was a real big indicator that I've moved on.
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Wow, I mean, it is, I mean, and look at you now like that.
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That's huge. And, and obviously we're going
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to be learning so much from you and, you know, gaining so much
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wisdom. And, you know, when I think of
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feel the fear and doing it anyway, I haven't read that book
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yet, but I'm definitely going to since learning about this from
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you. But I do happen to know that so
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many of us run away from our emotions.
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So we may think of fear as a bad thing and we think of all of
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these emotions as something that we want to kind of hide in the
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corner or, you know, get away from.
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But I, I feel that one of the biggest revelations is where you
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can face up to it and go, OK, this is, this is how it is and
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embracing it and, and feeling it to heal it, you know, and, and
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so to me, that has been a really big revelation.
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And I know for a lot of people and what you've just said, not
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being able to do those little things, well, it's like, well,
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OK, this is where I'm at, facing up to it and doing it anyway.
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So good on you. That's just, that's just so
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incredible. And of course, you are also a
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mindset person through neuro linguistic programming as well
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as a teacher. So you know, you, you've been a
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teacher. And I mean, I remember when I
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was certifying a lot of people, a big part of the group were
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people like teachers because, you know, there's an
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understanding about the communication aspect.
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Do you want to talk about some of those aspects that you loved,
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that you learnt about communication and why it's so
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important and relevant? Communication is is key in all
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we do and that's often the downfall in relationships or
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where things go wrong is because they've been poor communication.
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So either somebody's got expectations that haven't been
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met. We make a lot of assumptions, so
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we need to be really clear about when we're communicating with
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somebody, especially if it's something that's important to us
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is clarifying what you're wanting them to do, what your
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expectations are, and clarifying what their expectations are as
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well. So the language that we use and
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how detailed we are about things is really important because
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otherwise, because that's that's basically where the problem
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lies. So I was I expecting a friend
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round a couple of weeks ago and she said, oh, what time do you
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want me? And I said, I don't mind that,
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that's fine. You know, you can come for tea
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whenever. However, she did come a lot
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later than I'd expected and she was a bit later than she'd
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expected. And I laughed and I said, well,
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I can't be mad with you. I said because I did say to you,
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you can come whatever time you like so that you know, it's one
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of their things as well. If we haven't been specific
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about something, then it's very unfair of us to then judge
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somebody else for that if we haven't made it clear what we
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wanted. Yes, like they say that feedback
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is the communication that we're that we've obviously given and
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that that's the feedback that we're receiving.
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So, you know, when we kind of look at it from, well, how can I
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change this? And you know, words are just so
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powerful. I mean, I came to know that when
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doing an LP that your words are actually your want, you are
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crafting your life through the words that you say, you know,
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and it's the, it's so powerful. And I, I knew of somebody who
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became so impacted by the language and how powerful our
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language was that they didn't speak for a few days.
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Like they stopped talking. It was almost like they just
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needed to completely turn their language around.
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And of course, as you know, with the NLP, you're coming to learn
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about whether people are visual learners, audible learners,
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kinesthetic learners, you know, are they towards or are they
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away? And I mean, if we can learn how
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to speak to them and, and sort of cover those bases, then, you
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know, it's, there's got to be something good about that isn't,
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isn't there really? I mean that that that's pretty,
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pretty important. And tell me, did you actually
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get to do the creation of, you know, some of the visionary
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things and some of the elements as such where you kind of float
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out into the future and you act as if you're in that scene and
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and you go through it? Yeah, we got to practice so many
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different techniques. That's the wonderful thing about
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NLP. It is very experiential, it's
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very interactive. So I like some of the exercises
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because it encourages you to move, and I think movement is a
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big element of you taking things on board and the visual element
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of things. So I loved some of the different
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exercises we did and the perceptual positions when you're
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sat in so as yourself in a situation and then you have
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somebody who is the person that you perhaps you've got a a
10:51
challenge with. So you would sit in their seat
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and see the situation from their point of view.
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And then the third position as a passerby, So you're looking
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through a window and watching these two people having a
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conversation, What would they notice about it?
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And actually moving around those three different elements.
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They were just now I'm talking about it again and remembering
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some of the wonderful different tools they were.
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And it's very, it's powerful and it's very quick as well.
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You don't need a long time. I think that's the other
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advantage about the NLP tools. It can make a big difference in
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a short space of time. Oh, this is the thing that got
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me and that one you're talking about that was huge because I
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had one where I really had to shift something because it was
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about, you know, a family member and I have non negotiables about
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my family. I just, I, I know that a lot of
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people make those breaks with their family.
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You hear of people that haven't spoke to their brother or their
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mother or someone for forever and that that for me is just a
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non negotiable. So I, I kind of just have made
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that pact. In fact, you know, there was a
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lot of pacts that I made with myself because of NLP.
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And probably another big one was that I was going through a
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marital breakdown. And, you know, it wasn't
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rainbows and butterflies when we were initially going through
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that. And it was quite, you know, it
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was quite horrible. And I realized the impact it
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could have had really on the kids and it, it's, it's always
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really the way. And then I just made a pact with
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myself, no matter what, I will not drag my kids through the mud
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no matter what happens. And I know that the person that
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was on the other side is a very good dad as well.
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So he would appreciate that today.
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But at the time when people are angry with each other, there was
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all of those things going on. And, and I said, well, and I
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remember saying it to my teacher at the time, we're going to have
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the most perfect, perfectly imperfect divorce.
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And I'm going to go through this as peaceful as I possibly can.
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And I think those kinds of words that you state when you make
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those words that that is it's very, very powerful.
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And I know that that had a really, you know, a really big
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impact on me. And when it came to doing that
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particular modality that you've just spoken about where you're
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kind of like looking through this person's eyes and looking
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through that person's eyes, I had to kind of bring in a family
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member. And I remember thinking to
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myself, this could go really badly.
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And yet that was another non negotiable.
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But then, you know, something really powerful happened because
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when I was able to step into their shoes, which I was
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terribly angry with them, to be perfectly honest, I was like,
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how dare you? You, you can't do that.
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And it was so incredible because when I stepped into their shoes,
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I realized that, hang on a minute, They, they have this
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fear, they have this terrible worry and concern.
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And it changed everything. You know, the other
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presupposition from NLP is that everybody's always coming from
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the best intention. And that that was the proof of
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that, that for me, while I was, I could have thought a whole
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myriad of terrible things about our relationship and how bad it
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could have gone. But then when I stepped into
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their shoes, it just changed everything.
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And of course, you talked about the two other modalities, which
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is neurological levels. And let's open that up, shall
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we? Let's let's have a chat about
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neurological levels because this is, you know, I don't know, do
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you remember what you worked on when or something you worked on
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when you were doing that particular modality or can you
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kind of talk us through what it's really good for?
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It's really good for working out why at what level you're stuck
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at, I think. So it takes you through the
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level of your environment, so where where the things are, what
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your situation is, your behaviours, your capabilities
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and skills, your beliefs and values, your identity.
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And then sort of the top level is, is your connection on there.
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So it helps you to work out if you're stuck somewhere, which
15:51
level you're stuck at and then you can identify how to tackle
15:56
it. So if there's something around
15:57
your belief that's holding you back, and it might be, well, you
16:01
know, I'm really bad at selling or I'm really bad at
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relationships, then that's a belief thing.
16:08
So using the latter. So again, you listen out for the
16:11
language that somebody using and then we can work out, right,
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let's have a look at those beliefs and let's strip that
16:16
back so you can help people to move up the different levels
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within that as well. So like, let's take that to the
16:23
next level. What would it mean to become
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somebody who is good at relationships?
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You know, where's your changes, your identity around Think we
16:32
tell when you're talking before, it really made me think about
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the stories we tell ourselves about whether we're good at
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this, we're not good at that. That impacts our behaviours then
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as well. So this is the thing, they all
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impact on each other. No, I love that.
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I really love that. That's what I love about
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bouncing off each other with these things because it really
16:53
wakes up that inspiration in each other and, and I and I love
16:59
that. So yeah, I'm, I'm really keen to
17:03
know because we're going to wait till the end because you're
17:05
going to surprise us. And we've just said we're going
17:08
to let this flow because we also know that neuroplasticity plays
17:14
a big role backstage. You didn't use the word
17:18
neuroplasticity, but you use the word flexibility and how
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important it is to have that flexibility.
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And we're going to go down a a rabbit hole with another live
17:33
negative energy force in a moment that we're going to bust
17:36
out of the water. But but right here and now,
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let's talk about the Walt Disney.
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So how does, how did that actually help you?
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Because there's a lot of people, I mean, whether they're in the
17:53
corporate world, whether they're in community groups, whether
17:56
they are coaches. But let's face it, everybody can
18:01
use a bit of visionary and a little bit of being able to
18:07
tackle something to really attain a great goal.
18:12
So over to you, Rebecca. What can you share with us about
18:16
that? Yeah, the, the Disney model is a
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brilliant tool for helping you. It's it's good for if you're
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wanting, like you said, the visionary side of thing.
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So the the dreamers, you have three different elements of
18:29
this. You have the dreamer.
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That's the big plan. What do you want to happen?
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What's your ideal situation? What's your biggest dreams?
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Then you have the realist that the realist will help to bring
18:41
you back down a little bit and think, OK, let's look at this
18:43
from a realistic point of view. Let's put a plan in place and
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then you have the critic which will bring in and get you to
18:51
question different elements. But well, what about this?
18:53
And if this happens, how can you do that?
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So the really good ways of just checking through ideas and the
19:01
idea is that you would, you can, you know, wear a physical hat if
19:05
you want, or you change positions or change rooms.
19:07
And again, it's the environment and moving around that helps
19:10
this. You literally would get into
19:11
that position and the dreamer just plans big, you know,
19:15
brainstorms, visual things, whatever it is, you go wild and
19:20
then the other two can help you then bring something together
19:23
into a real practical plan that you can take forward.
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So again, another really fantastic tool.
19:28
So it's useful one for teams as well, that one, it can work
19:31
really. Well, with teams, yes, yes, I
19:34
mean, I, I had a, a man that I was working with in clinic who
19:39
was coming to me for, you know, obviously issues being a
19:45
clinical hypnotherapist. So you know, obviously
19:48
dissolving and clearing some of the patterns and all of that
19:52
sort of thing. And in the end, he was so
19:56
totally taken by the work that was going on that he figured it
20:02
out that if. I can get this far in my life in
20:06
such a short time, then I must be able to set some goals
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because you know, I always say this to people, but nobody ever
20:14
came in to see me and and told me exactly what they wanted.
20:18
You know, that just was not the way it went.
20:21
It was always well, I want to stop being depressed.
20:24
Do I want to stop this problem of procrastination or I want to
20:28
quit this habit. It was always what they didn't
20:31
want. But he, he soon realized doing
20:34
enough of the NLP that hang on a minute, what if we turn this
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around? So what else is there?
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What are the possibilities? And using exactly that modality,
20:46
he planned not too far forward either.
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I think it was about 3 or 4 months to hit the seven figures
20:54
right from where he was in his business.
20:56
And I thought, oh, I was being the realist and the critic all
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at once thinking, Oh no, is this a little bit unreal?
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And you know, Long story short, he hit it.
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And to this day, I mean, he's, he's just his business is, is
21:15
everywhere. It's, it's just amazing just how
21:18
far he's come. But it just goes to show.
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And As for, as you say, the, the the movement, like, because it
21:26
can be very playful and even if you're in Group settings and
21:30
things like that, moving from, you know, part to part, it's
21:36
almost like you're moving your body so you're shifting energy
21:40
anyway, which is absolutely incredible.
21:43
So yeah, stay tuned everyone, because Rebecca is going to hit
21:49
us up with one of these fidelities at the end.
21:53
And I can't even decide which one would be more powerful.
21:59
But anyway, now I'm I'm going to move now to something else that
22:04
you also do when you work on. And it's it's actually something
22:10
I've never ever heard of before, although I've definitely
22:15
understand the problem and that is the egregoris.
22:22
Egregoris, yeah. The aggregors.
22:25
OK, so firstly like myself, would you mind explaining this
22:32
Aggregor? Yeah, the you have two types of
22:37
aggregors. You have a large scale or a
22:39
large base one and then you have an individual one and it's it's
22:43
a non physical entity that takes on an energy of itself.
22:47
You know, it's it sort of, I guess for some people it might
22:51
feel a little bit woo woo, but when I've explained it, you will
22:54
know that you've experienced an aggregore at some point in your
22:58
life. And it's a like, it's an entity
23:00
that takes on itself. It becomes an energy in itself.
23:04
So when I was learning about it, the example given was around
23:09
Apple, as in Apple iPhones and things.
23:11
So if you took away all the directors of the company, you
23:14
will still have Apple. If you took away the products,
23:17
you would still have Apple. It's become that big in and of
23:20
itself. And it's the same within
23:22
politics or education. It's a it's an energy that forms
23:26
in and of itself. It's, it's not, it's not in
23:31
itself negative, but it, unfortunately the impact of it
23:34
is generally a negative force. So it feeds on judgement and
23:38
fear and those negative energies and things.
23:40
So in the large scale or the large base aggregate, it's just
23:44
being aware that they exist and noticing when you've been
23:47
hooked. The one that's most powerful for
23:50
me when I was learning about it was an individual level where,
23:54
you know, especially if it's in a relationship, something will
23:56
come along and knock you off course.
23:58
Or perhaps in your business, everything's going really well.
24:01
You've got a deal on the table and then suddenly the other
24:03
party backs out or you're going along and somebody puts in a
24:07
complaint or your partner suddenly, you know, sets off an
24:12
argument about something. So it's something that happens
24:15
out of the blue and it just knocks you sideways.
24:18
It's like, whoa, where did that just come from?
24:21
So the signs are that it it happens when you're sleeping
24:23
awake. So we're just getting on with
24:25
life and then suddenly it's it's come in and and sort of knocks
24:27
us off course. It will always get us at our
24:31
weakest point. So something that we're
24:32
particularly sensitive about or one what something that we might
24:36
class as our weaker areas, that's where we're going to get
24:38
caught up in this as well. So these are the the classic
24:42
things basically. So it's really helpful because
24:46
it helps you to understand. I think the first step is
24:49
recognizing that, wow, I've just been kicked by this thing and I
24:53
don't know where it's come from. I've been sleeping awake with
24:56
this. It's caught me off guard.
24:58
And then the key is not to not to get emotionally hooked on it.
25:03
So deal with it on a practical level if you've got to deal with
25:06
things practically, but staying as neutral as possible and calm
25:10
rather than getting caught up in it.
25:11
Because The thing is, if we start arguing back or pushing
25:14
back, then it will just escalate even.
25:18
And the more energy that gets put into it.
25:20
So we recognise that we, we've been hooked on something, we
25:23
take a step back and we disengage emotionally on that.
25:28
Then if we can choose the opposite sort of frequency.
25:32
So if, if there's sort of, if it's pulling you into anger or
25:37
shame or guilt or something like that, if you can then find the
25:40
opposite to that. So if you can bring in a sense
25:42
of humour and can you look at it from a humourous point of view,
25:46
It's like, oh wow, I can't believe it.
25:47
I've just, I've just been sort of hooked on this and how daft
25:51
did this, You know, that can again, can just sort of release
25:54
some of the, the pressure from that.
25:57
It can take away some of the energy from it and then it can
26:00
neutralize it basically. So it's trying to find something
26:04
an opposite frequency to it and just sort of letting it go.
26:08
That's that's the way we would deal with it.
26:10
But when I was learning about it, I recognised that.
26:13
Wow, I've experienced that in relationships before and it was
26:17
it was one of the things that like really, you know, those
26:20
are, are harm moments like that's what happened with such
26:23
and such a person My. Goodness.
26:27
And I mean, I know that from a sort of a more, I guess a
26:32
different scale of things. I would tell people you are not
26:38
your emotions, you are not your anger, you are not your
26:42
addictions. You know, these are things you
26:45
are doing. And I guess that's your metaphor
26:48
when you talk about the Apple and you've still got the phone
26:52
and you pull, pull away all the other stuff, but the phone is
26:55
still there. And, and, and we are still there
26:59
and we kind of accumulate all of these these things.
27:04
And I guess in some cultures that would talk about it as
27:08
darkness and light and, you know, all these interferences.
27:15
Just a question on it. Is the entity a spiritual force?
27:20
Or you know what exactly does that mean when you say it's an
27:26
entity of its own? Yeah, I suppose spiritual and
27:31
not in a religious sense or anything like that, but it's a
27:34
sort of an energy source would probably be a better way of
27:39
putting that. So like you said, we are not the
27:42
emotion, but we then end up feeling that way.
27:45
And this is where, you know, if you get a big gathering of
27:49
people and you get followers and stuff, this is where that it
27:53
becomes an energy in and of itself.
27:55
If you get a big crowd of people or a big group of people, there
27:59
is an energy that's emitted from that.
28:01
And I guess it's that sort of thing if the energy that comes
28:05
from a from a situation. Right.
28:08
So it's kind of seen as like a thought form or collective
28:13
consciousness. Yeah, to a degree, yeah.
28:17
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I've never, ever heard of
28:21
it before. So this is, this is what I love
28:23
about doing these podcasts. And I trust that, you know, all
28:26
the listeners will also get to, to, you know, learn as much as I
28:32
do just by, you know, being hosting the show.
28:36
It was new to me as it was new to me as well.
28:39
I can. So an example recently this
28:42
might be easier for people to relate to.
28:44
So I had to, I had to phone the bank.
28:47
I was told that oh, you can do it online.
28:49
So I went online, you need to call us.
28:52
So I phoned them and within sort of 20 minutes I'd spoken to four
28:57
different people who couldn't help me.
28:59
And it was getting, I was getting really impatient and I
29:01
think, and I kept getting passed from one department to the next
29:04
department. And I was really starting to, I
29:07
could feel my patients dropping and I was getting agitated.
29:11
And then I suddenly realized, I thought, hang on a minute, this
29:13
is an Agricole here that's coming into this.
29:16
I don't like the, the technology side of things again, you know,
29:19
I have one of these things and it's like, and it just made me
29:23
laugh. And because I was able to laugh
29:25
about it and spot what had happened, I was then able to
29:29
calm down a lot more and I was just more able to deal with the
29:32
conversation. I was on the phone for over an
29:34
hour try and get things sorted, but I was able to spot, oh hang
29:39
on a minute, The Aggregor let me just sort of let go of this and
29:44
it's sort of lowering the importance around whatever it
29:47
is. So it's like this will get
29:48
sorted. I can trust that it will get
29:50
sorted. Let's just go with the floor.
29:53
And like you were saying before, it's the flexibility around
29:55
this. It will get sorted one way or
29:57
another. It's very, very interesting, you
30:00
know, whether you believe in that or whether you want to look
30:04
at it as you know, emotion, one thing for sure, it is negative.
30:08
It's a negative energy of you know, obviously what we are
30:13
experiencing. And while, you know, it seems to
30:19
feed off certain things though, and it almost like you talked
30:23
about lowering the importance and I thought that was really
30:28
interesting. So lowering the importance of
30:31
what may be hugely passionate and, and I know for myself, I'm,
30:41
I'm on a mission and a a crusade at the moment with my husband to
30:48
advocate for him, to ensure that he is given the best care to,
30:53
you know, to really just be his voice because he's non verbal.
30:59
And you know, and I feel that the more passionate I'm
31:03
becoming, it's almost like the more attack I'm coming under and
31:08
I'm like, Oh my gosh, I suddenly feel like I'm, I'm, I'm batting
31:13
and I'm, and every day it's a new match.
31:16
And then you hit me up with this.
31:19
And I mean, even though it's, it's a metaphor, so to speak,
31:22
and it's kind of like, but it, it, I'm just reading up about
31:26
it. It says the more passionate
31:28
about what you are, you know, involved in, the stronger it
31:34
becomes. And so I guess I can understand
31:40
because, you know, and, and then there's this element of what I
31:43
teach about, which is the the law of detachment.
31:48
And you know, but how do you detach yourself from something
31:52
that you may feel needs to be like change?
31:57
Like if you're going to be making a change for the better,
32:01
how do you detach yourself from that?
32:04
I mean, is there a, was there a teaching with the egregore
32:11
culture that you learned? It, it is really hard, I think
32:15
sometimes, but you've, you've just hit the nail on the head
32:18
there as you're, you're recognising that you're under
32:21
attack and you're getting more of this because of the energy.
32:23
So it's not about, it's not the fact what you're doing isn't
32:27
important here. We lower the importance of it
32:29
going the way when we say, right, it has to be done this
32:32
way and I have to get this result.
32:34
You're putting a lot of pressure on that one thing.
32:38
So still having that as your ideal outcome, but being able to
32:42
be flexible about how you get to that point.
32:45
That's what it is about sort of lowering the imports, trusting
32:48
it will happen in the best way possible.
32:51
And then just so it's not about saying, well, it's not important
32:55
to me. It can still be important, but
32:56
lowering the importance of getting it in the way that you,
33:00
you know, being really specific about it, if that sort of makes
33:03
a bit of sense. And, and just trusting it will
33:06
happen and it will happen in the best way possible.
33:09
And that's how you can detach from it, I think sometimes,
33:11
yeah. Yeah, because apparently the
33:14
negative thrives on conflict and, you know, fear and all of
33:23
those those things, you know, so it's almost like we need to
33:27
starve the dragon, isn't it? Yeah.
33:30
Yeah, which which was also taught that was a very old
33:33
fashioned modality with NLP. Starving the dragon, they don't
33:38
even have it anymore, but it was playback slay.
33:42
It was called slaying the dragon.
33:45
So when you're not feeding it, but just starving it, but it's,
33:50
it's very interesting how you know that passion can create
33:57
like that battery synergy of bringing it to life and making
34:02
it more sort of lit up. Whereas you've almost got to
34:06
throw a bucket of water over it. Don't what a bucket of water
34:11
over their head just to sort of open.
34:13
OK, well, just to put out the fire, put out the foam and, and,
34:17
and then just do a big because I think too, Oh my gosh, don't you
34:22
just believe it that people's ego gets in the way?
34:26
And, you know, I know that when you're sitting down and, and,
34:30
and especially if you're, if you are having a a bit of a conflict
34:35
with the system and the way the systems and processes are
34:38
running it, it can it can become about who's right and who's
34:43
wrong. Yeah.
34:44
And, you know, I think when you suddenly realize, hang on a
34:49
minute, this is not about who's right and who's wrong.
34:53
This is about what's the best outcome.
34:56
Yeah. And sometimes we do have to lose
35:00
the battle to win the war. And you know, I've, I've, I've
35:04
often said that, but anyway, enough about that.
35:08
Let's let's talk now about your, you know, obviously, the, the,
35:15
the great element that you have when you're impacting people and
35:20
helping them to really find who they are.
35:26
So, you know, so many people, they tend to lose themselves.
35:31
What do you think is going on there when people may get to the
35:36
crossroads in their life and then all of a sudden they're
35:40
kind of meh, they lose their mojo.
35:43
They're kind of like just forget They they almost forget their
35:47
identity. Do you think it's, is it a age
35:50
crisis thing or is it a just an event where they might have
35:54
split up or had a relationship, you know, come to an end or, or
36:00
what usually happens in these situations?
36:05
I think it can be a number of different factors.
36:07
So sometimes I think people can get worn down, you know, if
36:10
they've had lots of different experiences.
36:12
It can be very draining if they've been through challenges
36:16
with relationships or work or children.
36:19
And sometimes you lose yourself in a relationship as well.
36:22
You know, you, you end up bending a little bit or
36:25
compromising on things. And then you get to a point and
36:27
you wake up to think, oh, hang on a minute, who am I?
36:30
What do I enjoy in life? Where am I heading?
36:33
And I think there is sort of an age thing to some degree.
36:36
I know I've experienced that myself.
36:38
It's like if I'm, if I'm, you know, am I happy where I am and
36:43
will I still be happy five years down the line if I'm still in
36:45
the same situation? I think sometimes we, we get, we
36:49
realise that 20 years ago, you know, this is what I really
36:54
wanted in life. And then things came along and I
36:57
and I got knocked off course or whatever and I've lost track of
37:01
that. Or 20 years ago, I'm still in
37:04
the same position as I'm what I am now.
37:06
And so I think there's a number of different factors that can
37:09
play into that. But yeah, there's sort of a
37:11
realisation is like, oh, am I happy where I am and am I happy
37:17
to stay here? I think that's sort of one of
37:19
the ultimate things is something's not feeling right
37:23
and people can get disillusioned with life as well.
37:26
I think that's that's part of the other thing, especially when
37:29
there's so much going out on the world as well.
37:31
You know, there's a lot of different things that at play
37:33
and if what if we're being fed that all the time?
37:35
It's incredibly draining. Oh, look, absolutely.
37:39
And, and I think that the biggest mistake people make, and
37:44
I know that I've been in that trap before, is, is being where
37:48
you just don't know. You don't know any different, so
37:52
you treat these these emotions and these problems as the enemy.
37:59
You try to run away from them, and the more you run away, the
38:03
more they chase you. And it seems the more desperate
38:08
you are about getting away from what you don't want, the more
38:11
you're attracting what you don't want.
38:13
It's just a very strange irony, isn't it?
38:17
And then obviously someone will come, come and sit in front of
38:20
you and you know, obviously because you're an incredible
38:25
coach and you know how to listen to what they're saying, but you
38:31
also know how to listen to what they're not saying.
38:35
So can you kind of explain that? Yeah, I think sometimes people
38:40
will will let things roll off the tongue that, you know,
38:43
that's not that obviously that's the way it is.
38:45
Obviously that's how I am. And a coach can just check in
38:49
and say, why is that? You know, where the evidence for
38:53
that? And so I had a lady and we're
38:56
talking about, she was wanting to to get out and about a little
39:00
bit more and do things. And she said, oh, I think I'm
39:02
just lazy. And I've been working with this
39:05
lady for a little while. And I said, I don't think you're
39:07
lazy. I said, I think, I think there's
39:09
an avoidance going on there. I think you're worried about
39:12
being rejected. I think that's why you're not.
39:15
And it was like she thought for a moment and you could see her
39:18
thinking things of it and she realized that's why she wasn't,
39:21
you know, she was a hard worker. And from the conversation we
39:25
had, I knew she was not a lazy person, but I think she was
39:29
using that and felt bad because she she felt like she should be
39:33
making more of an effort. But that wasn't the issue.
39:36
The issue was to do with their confidence around it.
39:38
So sometimes this is where a courage can help you unpick some
39:42
of the things that we're not aware of ourselves.
39:45
Oh, that's so powerful. And it's interesting how we will
39:51
do anything to protect yourself. So even like people are finding
39:57
themselves going well, I so want to be able to, you know, be
40:01
successful and achieve what I want to achieve or I want to get
40:05
to that ideal body weight, but I keep on overeating or I want to,
40:10
I want to be successful in my career, but I'm, I'm just lazy,
40:14
as you know, your client said and just not doing what I know
40:18
I'm supposed to be doing. But.
40:21
What makes anyone, when you think about it, really think
40:27
that we're deliberately trying to F things up for ourself?
40:32
Nobody is deliberately trying to stuff themself up, you know, by
40:38
overeating or being lazy. So I guess to me, I'm hearing
40:44
this question, which I know you are the coach that asks the
40:48
question, you know, what is the higher purpose?
40:51
What is the subconscious mind truly protecting?
40:57
Because it's, it's interesting, isn't it?
40:59
When when they come underneath it, they realize, oh, actually
41:03
the reason that I'm I'm, I'm not going out there and doing
41:07
everything is because I've got this fear of failure and I'm
41:12
scared. And then again, like the book,
41:15
you know, face the fear and just do it anyway.
41:19
So it kind of does that, that whole, you know, complete 360.
41:25
But you know, this is the part, Rebecca, where, you know, we've
41:30
been talking now for some time and we've been discussing some
41:34
of these, you know, really important things that happen in
41:38
people's lives about our feelings, the emotions, the
41:44
egregore, the, you know, the fact that, you know, the
41:48
communication. What resonates for you to share
41:54
with our our viewers to to do and, and maybe even anything
42:00
that I've shared? What do you sense that you would
42:03
like to illustrate here on the show?
42:06
The neurological levels, the Walt Disney, or if something
42:10
else has jumped in? I'm always open.
42:13
I think the Walt Disney 1 is really lovely because that's
42:16
quite a simple one and you can use this yourself or you can use
42:20
this with your teams if you're, if you're working in groups and
42:23
things that and it's quite a fun one to do as well.
42:27
I think that's the other thing about this one.
42:28
It's a really enjoyable creative process.
42:31
I think. I think the Walt Disney one a
42:33
good one too to try out, actually, yeah.
42:36
OK, well, let's do it. Let's let's go.
42:39
Yeah. So over to you.
42:41
Thank you. So you have the three different
42:44
elements to this. You've got the the dreamer, the
42:47
realist and the critic. So the dream is about the big
42:51
picture. What would be your ideal
42:53
situation? So you can use this as a
42:54
relationship thing. Who would be your ideal partner?
42:57
What would they be like? Or your ideal lifestyle or your
43:00
ideal job. So think big.
43:02
No censoring in this at all. It's you know, you put
43:05
everything out there. You can put it as a brainstorm,
43:08
you can visualise it, whatever works for you.
43:10
So you're thinking really big about what your ideal situation
43:14
is and you spend some real time doing that.
43:17
You can create a vision board or whatever, get as creative as you
43:19
wish on this one. So this, this is the fun part,
43:23
the really fun part. Then once you've spent some time
43:28
really thinking big and dreaming about what what it is that you
43:31
really want, you would then move into the the realist.
43:33
So the realist is sort of to help you plan.
43:36
OK, so how do we actually put this big picture thing into a
43:41
plan? How can we make this a reality?
43:44
So you start being a little bit more practical and a bit more
43:47
logical about things and start maybe, you know, putting
43:50
together some ideas of how you might tackle this and who can
43:53
help you. And then again, and if you can,
43:57
like we're talking about before, it's actually moving to a
43:59
different chair or moving to a different part of the room or a
44:02
different room depending on where you are.
44:04
And that that helps to, it helps to sort of change your mindset
44:08
around as well because like we're talking about before, it's
44:10
trying to see the situation from a different viewpoint.
44:14
And then the last one is the critics.
44:15
So helping to make that plan better.
44:18
So think about, well, if this happens, what could we do
44:21
instead? Or what if we can't do this
44:24
thing? How do we get around that?
44:26
So it's not being, it's not sort of dismissing things, it's just
44:30
think about alternative ways of doing things, things that could
44:33
make it even better. You know, say it's a party that
44:37
you're planning for your, your child or whatever.
44:40
It's like, OK, well, what happens if it rains and we can't
44:43
go outside? Or what will do this instead?
44:45
So the critic can really help you put together a contingency
44:48
plan and think about other factors on there, you know,
44:51
well, do we need to have somebody else on hand to help
44:55
with, you know, whatever it might be the catering side of
44:59
things. So the critic can really help
45:00
you to put it together. And then you can go background
45:03
again to, to check your plan through again and adjust things
45:07
and tweak things. So it's a really fun process to
45:10
do as well. But it really helps you to.
45:13
I think it's good because it it considers things from a more
45:17
holistic point of view. You know, it's all right being a
45:19
big dreamer, but actually that's not going to help you put it
45:24
into reality. So all of these different
45:26
elements can really help you. Yeah, I really like that as an
45:30
exercise. Well, that, that is amazing.
45:33
And as a matter of fact, it's interesting because this is the
45:37
great thing about having a really good coach is when you
45:41
get asked the right question, the quality of the question
45:45
comes to the quality of the answer and the outcome.
45:49
And I suddenly went, wow, really?
45:52
And I, it just hit me honestly, for the first time, I realized I
45:57
have a vision that is so much different to what it was a year
46:02
ago. And I'm like, my gosh.
46:05
But if I think about it, where did that vision come from?
46:09
It came from my pain. And it's a pain that becomes a
46:15
passion. And it's the, you know, this is
46:18
what the genius zone is, is really all about.
46:21
But I, I love that. So, you know, all these years
46:24
I've been thinking that those annoying friends of mine have
46:27
been, you know, the negative Nancy's and really they've just
46:30
been the realists and the critics.
46:33
Yeah, yeah. And if we can do that, I think
46:36
this is the thing and it's who you surround yourself is really
46:39
important. You know, if you have got this
46:41
wonderful dream is you don't want somebody coming along and
46:43
just pouring water on it. You need, but you want you need
46:47
those other elements. It's not being critical for the
46:49
sake of being critical. It's about asking the questions
46:52
that make you think about things in a different way.
46:55
That's the difference. And that's where a coach can be
46:57
really helpful. So friends are well meaning
46:59
sometimes, but unfortunately they can put that seed of doubt
47:02
in there or they can say, Oh, well, I don't, you know, I think
47:05
you may be aiming a bit too big here or, or I'm not sure that
47:08
that's going to work where a coach can can ask you the right
47:13
questions to get you to think about things in an alternative
47:15
way without pouring water on your dreams.
47:18
That's exactly right. I love that.
47:21
And that is why they say be very careful who you share your
47:26
dreams with. You do not want to be sharing it
47:30
with people that do turn around and say, well, how are you going
47:33
to get that? And how's that going to happen
47:35
then? You know, because that's going
47:38
to put the, as you say, the water over it and put a
47:42
dampener. So Rebecca, I have absolutely
47:46
loved everything you've shared today.
47:49
And you know, it's personal development one O 1 and you
47:55
know, this Walt Disney, the dreamer, the realist, the
47:58
critic, you know, and giving yourself that, you know, ability
48:02
to dream big generator, big imaginative idea and then work
48:09
out how they're going to make that happen.
48:11
And then have a look at the risks and the potentials for,
48:16
you know, some of the blind spots that you're going to have.
48:19
So that is amazing. And you know, I do have one more
48:23
question and I have have to ask this question to everyone on the
48:26
show because we tend to build momentum as we're going along.
48:29
But you know, I want to ask you if there was something that you
48:33
want to share with a person that really needs to hear your voice
48:38
right now as they're listening to this, then what would you
48:43
love to say to that person? I always love to ask this
48:47
because quite often people will go away and go, oh, I would have
48:52
loved to have said that. And and yet it might be
48:55
something you just want to reiterate.
48:58
And that's quite common too. But what would what would be
49:02
your share on that? Thank you.
49:05
Firstly, trust that everything will work out perfectly and
49:09
secondly, if you're not happy where you are, there is always
49:13
time to change things. As always, you know it doesn't
49:16
matter how old you are, where you are, you can always change
49:19
things. Gee, I needed to hear that.
49:23
I need to hear. I needed to hear a few, quite a
49:27
few things you've said today. I am so appreciative.
49:31
Now if you want to work with this beautiful lady, we are
49:33
going to put all her links in the show notes and you will be
49:37
able to catch her. But Rebecca, where would you
49:41
tell our audience to to best place to find you in your own
49:44
words? It'll be all in the show nights
49:47
anyway. Thank you, you can follow me on
49:49
Facebook I'm down as RN sense of direction or you can look on my
49:54
website which is sense of direction dot life.
49:58
Perfect. OK, Rebecca, thank you so much
50:01
for bringing so much of your invaluable knowledge to the
50:06
show. I really appreciate it.
50:08
Thank you ever so much for having me, it's been a pleasure.