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how to love again after a breakup · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Break UPS, Simply put, can ruin us.
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  They can ruin our perception of love, our perception of
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  ourselves, and make us feel like we are never going to fall in
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  love again. It's a very difficult thing to
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  experience, and if you've ever been broken up with, you know
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  what I'm talking about. The feelings of uncertainty, the
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  fear to meet somebody else. The way you convince yourself
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  that if you wait long enough, your ex will come back and
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  everything will work out. However, that's not how life
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  works and you're going to fall in love and fall out of love
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  with many people in your lifetime.
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  That's OK. That's a part of the human
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  experience. So today let's talk about this
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  process and figure out how we can fall in love again after a
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  break up. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Love is not easy. It's it's super complicated.
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  There's no guides, there's no way of knowing what's right and
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  wrong. There's no way of knowing how to
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  recover perfectly after a break up and be able to love again.
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  We don't get taught that from birth.
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  I mean, we're all just figuring it out.
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  We're all figuring out what works for us.
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  But as somebody who has pretty recently been through this
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  process of having a really big break up and then allowing
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  myself to evolve for someone again, I can tell you first hand
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  some of the things that we can do in order to make this process
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  a little bit easier and be able to work through this process and
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  open ourselves up to love again. It's not a good feeling to feel
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  like you're never going to fall in love again because love, it's
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  beautiful, it's so beautiful and it causes so many memories, so
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  many good feelings. You know, people say that love
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  just hurts, that love will always end in bad things.
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  But I disagree with that. Even if a relationship does end
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  poorly, we still gain so much from it.
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  We still gain memories, experience.
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  We we find out the things that we like, the things that we
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  need, we learn more about ourselves.
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  But it's not easy. So how exactly can we get
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  comfortable with the idea of falling in love again after a
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  break up? The first thing, and I know this
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  is cliche and you've heard it before, but you have to take
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  your time. You cannot rush the process.
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  I know people and I've personally experienced trying to
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  rush into a relationship again after a break up and it doesn't
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  work. The main reason it doesn't work
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  is because you're trying to mend an open wound before it's
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  healed. This is like just slapping a a
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  Band-Aid on a broken leg and hoping for the best.
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  It's not going to work. You have hurt feelings, you have
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  things that need to be resolved. You have closure.
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  You have to find within yourself, and if you simply rush
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  into another relationship, you'll be focused on those hurt
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  feelings, most likely push them onto your partner.
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  It will be difficult to trust them.
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  It'll be difficult to love because your heart and your mind
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  is still caught up on the person that you were previously with.
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  I know it's tempting and it feels good to be able to
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  immediately rush into a relationship.
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  You get the things that you miss fulfilled.
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  You get the love and the good and all of the nice comfortable
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  dopamine inducing parts of a relationship.
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  But over time, there will be gaps and there will be holes.
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  If you don't heal and find yourself, you will likely find
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  the relationship unraveling as you attempt to heal those hurt
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  feelings while also trying to give a piece of you to somebody
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  else. In order to share that piece of
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  you, which you must do in a relationship in order to be
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  vulnerable, you need to be healed.
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  So how do we do that? Well, the main way is to learn
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  to be comfortable by yourself, and that's a process that can
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  take some time. For me personally, I I went
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  through this recently, over the past year, over a year, and for
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  me it looked like finding new hobbies, finding what I enjoy,
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  spending more time with friends, spending more time with family,
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  spending more time with myself. You have to find who you are
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  outside of your past relationship.
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  When we're in relationships for any period of time, they become
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  a part of us and we start to identify ourselves with that
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  relationship. We start to find our self worth
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  within that relationship. And after any kind of serious
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  relationship you have to spend time finding yourself worth
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  without that person. So you have to experience
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  things, Find what you like outside of them.
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  Find what you like about yourself.
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  Meditate. Spend time in nature.
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  Spend time improving yourself physically, emotionally,
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  mentally improve your other relationships and your
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  friendships. These are all things that you
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  have to do in order to mend your heart, to prepare you, to hand
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  your heart to the next person. If you don't do this and you try
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  to jump into a new relationship, you won't be going into a new
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  relationship. You won't know who you are and
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  what you want outside of that ex lover, and so you'll keep trying
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  to repeat past relationships and past cycles and past patterns.
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  You have to spend time figuring out what you liked about that
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  last relationship, what you didn't like, what was
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  disrespectful to you, what you need, and spend time fully
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  processing it and moving on. Without that, you will keep
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  looking for that same person and everyone you meet, and that
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  simply won't work. Everyone's different.
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  You will never find the same person twice.
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  And that is the beauty of love, The beauty of being able to fall
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  in love with different people with different qualities.
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  You have to be able to fully move on and find yourself.
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  In order to move on, you need to know that it's OK to hurt from
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  that relationship. It's OK to sit with those
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  feelings. It's OK to delve through them.
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  You could go as far as therapy or working through it in
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  different ways. I mean, that hurt is real and
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  it's serious and you are missing a part of yourself when somebody
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  leaves. But a mistake a lot of people
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  make is they never make active effort to move forward.
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  After that stage, you eventually have to cut them off mentally,
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  physically and emotionally. You eventually have to take that
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  step out of that hurt, and that takes effort.
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  But by cutting that tie, you can acknowledge the good and bad of
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  the relationship, take what's important, and actually move
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  forward. If you keep sitting within that
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  hurt as you try relationship after relationship, you will
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  inevitably cause yourself more hurt.
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  You have to be able to heal that wound.
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  You have to be able to mend your heart before it can be available
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  to somebody else. I know love seems scary.
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  People say that love is scary and hurts and it's not worth it.
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  I've heard this before, but I couldn't disagree more.
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  Love is beautiful. It's one of the best parts of
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  the human experience to be able to be fully vulnerable and open
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  with someone in order to learn the little things, in order to
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  know them, in order to find what makes them happy, find what
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  makes you happy, and share memories together.
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  It's so wonderful, and you can't close yourself off to that,
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  except the fact that you could get hurt.
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  But lean into love regardless. Open yourself up to it.
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  Don't become closed off because of a few bad experiences.
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  You will love many people in your life, platonically and
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  romantically, and it's all worth it.
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  So find who you are. Find what you like and dislike.
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  Spend time with yourself. Heal fully between
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  relationships. For the good of yourself, for
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  the good of others, and for the good of those connections that
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  you will make. Love is always worth it.
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  Choose to open up your heart and don't become cold to the idea of
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  loving somebody. Protect and heal your heart, but
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  continue to open it up to others.
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  It's worth it. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thanks so much for being here
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  and listening to me get sappy and talking about how worth it
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  love is. If you ever need help feeling
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  your feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under
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  the name of Ethan Jewell. I almost guarantee it'll make
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  you cry. I'm actually coming out with new
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  music right now and it's all about heartbreak.
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  It's all about breakups and moving on.
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  So if you're dealing with anything like that, check it
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  out. I've got new songs coming out,
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  and I've got a new album coming out in a little over a month.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that love is so worth it, but you
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  need to be healed. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.