Latest / Just Us Sisters / Episode 9: Life Transitions
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to the Just Us Sisters podcast. Life doesn't come with a manual, so we made a podcast. speaker-3: Thank you. speaker-1: Good afternoon everyone and welcome to Just Us Sisters episode number nine. I can't believe it. I'm Cheryl, number two. Susan's number one. Shelly's number three. And our little baby sister, Stacey. And before we get started, I just want to tell you how my heart is just overjoyed right now. I have witnessed a true miracle. 38 days ago, my friend had a massive heart attack. and she was in a coma for two weeks. The doctor gave her 8 % chance to live. And by golly, I had lunch with her today. And she got offended and I said, do you know what my name is? And she said, Cheryl, why are you asking me that? So we're gonna do a segment on her one day because it is amazing what happened in that situation. But today we're gonna be starting out and we're gonna be talking about life transitions. The kind about leaving home, getting married, having your first job, retirement. You got the picture. My week has been a lot of transitions going on. We're moving and this is not part of our segment. So bear with me girls. I started thinking how many times have I moved in my lifetime? And then I think, I think Stacey has moved more than me, but I think I've moved 30 times or more. speaker-2: I haven't made 30 times. speaker-1: What? You can make no- speaker-4: 26? ⁓ yeah. Yeah she has. speaker-3: Bye, baby. speaker-0: Stacy. speaker-2: I'm trying to go. I'm in the teens. ⁓ speaker-1: No, but anyway, I mean, in college we would move just to save $50 a month. So we probably moved about 11 times in four years. So there you go. Susan, I bet you've moved the least. You're not a big mover. All right. speaker-3: I think how many times I've moved five times since I got here. speaker-0: Mary. 46 years this year, five times. speaker-3: times. speaker-1: That's You've moved six. Yay, you win. speaker-4: in six. speaker-3: I win! What do I win? speaker-2: Not having to pack your stuff up. speaker-3: That's a big win. speaker-1: That's true. So the first transition we're actually going to really talk about is the first time we left home. I know we touched on it in our family memories episode, but what were your feelings after you got to college? Because that's pretty much the first time we all left home. speaker-3: You know, I f- speaker-0: think for me when I left home, I felt prepared. don't know if that's a feeling. speaker-3: I really cared. don't think it may be a response. I think mom and dad did a very speaker-0: But I really prepared to leave NEST. My mom very good job with me and helped me be responsible for a lot of things and I felt prepared. speaker-3: Was I sad at times? Yes. Was it lonely at times? Yes. Because that's life. But I felt speaker-0: It's just a part of life. Very prepared to leave. speaker-2: did too. There was one area that I don't think I was prepared enough in and that was finances of taking care of a checking account and making sure that there's always money in it. ⁓ Sometimes, heard that if you have... speaker-3: You have to have that. The checks. Then you got money. speaker-2: Well, I think there were times we thought that, but that is not the case. Luckily it didn't happen often, if you know, coming from a mom who details down to the penny all the time, I thought looking back, that is odd that I wasn't, and I don't know if y'all were prepared for that or not, but I wasn't prepared for that. And it was into my marriage before I was not out there writing hot checks, but just all of sudden not having any funds available. And I moved in with Shelly. know, our mom and dad bought us a little bitty house in Denton to live in my first year of college. And so I had a live-in friend, live-in family, and we just dove in. So that was probably the most fun transition I've ever had. speaker-4: you saying that makes me realize that this generation has no idea what it's like to raise a check, to write a check and hope that it doesn't hit the bank before your paycheck does. That's just not a thing these days. It was stressful then, but In hindsight, it's funny now, but then it was not so funny. So I initially attended a very small Christian university and they had very strict rules. So while there was a feeling of independence, I wouldn't say that I felt a whole lot of freedom at that point. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. They've just kept us all pretty much in check. That transition, while I was no longer at home, I was still under some pretty stringent rules. speaker-3: I think I felt the same way, Shelly, but because that was how mom and dad were with us, it was different. speaker-0: with different speaker-2: I only had Shelley's rules. speaker-3: Probably worse. speaker-4: I'm so speaker-2: There were times I think they were, but yeah, I don't think I dealt with that because we got really engaged with First Baptist Church, Stanton, the college group, and stayed busy. We worked all the time that we weren't in school. you know, staying busy, think helped. And we have a huge social life as well with our church. speaker-1: Anne went to classes every once in a while. I had the complete opposite of y'all because when I went to college, I was excited to get the freedom to meet our rules at the house were strict and I was moving to an apartment with a bunch of athletes. All the athletes lived in the same apartment complex. The school rented them out for us. So there was no rules. speaker-2: all the time. speaker-1: and that ended up not being really good for me. I'm a person that meets rules, which kind of brings it up to the next question I want to talk to you about, and it's going to get a little personal. What's one mistake you made when you lived on your own? speaker-0: For me. speaker-3: It wasn't a mistake in the speaker-0: of dorm. So I lived two years in the dorm and my third year I speaker-3: moved out. And when I moved out, my mistake was having speaker-0: was a grandfather as a rancher that wasn't went grocery shopping for the longest I chicken must have been so expensive never ate speaker-3: the mistake until I thought and so it's because we never I don't every we had had we had beef we had steak a lot so I'm all those time I go to the grocery store and I'm speaker-2: Never. speaker-0: I eating chicken. are cheap and so first I go to the beef section speaker-3: grabbing steak and beef and my roommates are like. speaker-0: What are you doing? We can't afford- speaker-3: I'm like, well, I and they were like chickens cheat. And I was like, And I that my June had no idea. And when I first, you when I was adding that if I would have blown my grocery budget, sad to say that my junior year is when I learned about difference. speaker-1: What? speaker-0: Chicken was chicken. You're here of calling. my grocery budget. If it with the beef, would have... So it's... between beef and chicken's car. Deal? speaker-3: I know that's not a major, but it was a big deal to me. speaker-2: That's a big financial deal. ⁓ yeah. speaker-3: Especially with a very strict budget. speaker-0: You're on a bear. speaker-4: was in my junior year of high school when I found out that meat doesn't come cut. I was at prom and we served our dinner and I was looking at it like, ⁓ because we would all pass our plates to our dad. speaker-3: We cut our steak and it- speaker-4: and pass it back around and I'm sitting here looking at my steak like, what am I supposed to do with this? speaker-3: Yes. speaker-2: Casey still cuts my state for me, by the way. speaker-1: You're spoiled. You are. speaker-2: I am. speaker-3: She is. speaker-4: did not know that you could skip class in college. I mean, eight o'clock classes, it didn't matter. I was there. And when I found out, probably in my second semester, I was like, why aren't you going to class? I'm not going to class this time. I was like, well, what do you mean you're not going to class? And when I found that out, was not good. And I rarely went to my algebra class, which eventually really kicked me in the butt later. So that is probably my mistake. speaker-2: I think mine was the summer that I came to live with you, Cheryl, in Windsboro. And I thought that I could, there were two different things. One, I thought that I could have multiple jobs, full-time jobs to save money and still have a social life. But you can't do that, by the way. You can't work from seven to three and seven in the evening till three in the morning and make it and still not. sleep and go out with your friends and stuff because I thought we could do whatever we wanted. And then also I think one of the biggest lessons which actually came back on me when we got Casey's parents was trying to work in a nursing home one time and I threw up 13 times in an hour and had to tell them I can't do this. So anyway speaker-1: Mine was I learned that rules were good for me because when I didn't have them and like in high school I didn't drink, I didn't party, I was very disciplined with my sports and my my athletics and when I had nobody hovering over me that went out the window. So I started drinking, partying, have a good time and that was not good for me. So I will say that that was my biggest mistake. Well, speaking of transitions, let's transition into your first real adult job and how did it shape your work ethic? speaker-2: I think mine was for a company called Funky Enterprises. We made templates for the F keys on your computer. I don't know if y'all remember those. And I started it and quickly found out I was pregnant with Trevor right after I started. And just working through that and having a very supportive team there was helpful. But I do believe that it shaped my work ethic because I wanted to to be the best that there was there. I wanted to lead a team and I knew that in order to do that, it was going to take a lot of work. It was my first job that wasn't part time and I wanted to make a difference and so I was going to do what it took to make it and I got rewarded there. speaker-3: I think for me, was, I taught people in and did not make any equipment and had to be creative and not just creativity, but make up my own gains because when it rains and you're only in a very, you know, like maybe 40 by 40, you know, you have in there and it can do. So, so I think all speaker-0: Hey, you're a... three classes and there's not much you all of speaker-3: I think every single one of my jobs as I transitioned led speaker-0: into the next one and help me in the speaker-3: next job. And I love that about the different jobs that I've had. But I worked hard and I realized, you know, is certainly a but it's a ministry. that's what happened to me at that point in my life. speaker-0: This is a ministry. is not necessarily a great painting. That was more important. speaker-4: I as an office manager, custom bus company, and it was small enough that I wore many hats. I even flew up to Pennsylvania and drove a 15 passenger bus back down to Texas. There were no passengers, so I didn't need a license for that, but it sent me on the path of doing whatever it takes to get the job done, and that has definitely carried forward in all aspects of my life. speaker-1: doing. speaker-2: Man, that was a good job for you too, Shelly. Yeah, I enjoyed it. a ambulance and all kinds of things. speaker-1: Mine was after I crammed my four years of college into five. I got my first teaching job at Leander Junior High, but that was only because my dad knew the superintendent, knew the principal. So I had to get in there and I had to prove myself. So when I'd go to work, if they said, can anybody, I said, yes, I can do it. Can anybody come in? Yes, I can do it. So I did not want to disappoint my dad, number one. And I mean, I loved that job. What's one lesson from your first job you still carry today? speaker-2: think it's work ethic that it does take hard work to get the job done to do a good job and to make a difference. think that's probably the biggest thing. think we all started in except for you Cheryl because Leander middle school, although much smaller than it is now, still wasn't small. But we all started in jobs that we had to wear multiple hats in. like you said, raising a the hand to say, I got this, I'll do it. Not always in fear of letting somebody down, but in a way that you didn't want to miss out, that you wanted to learn something new. I think we probably all went through that in some sort speaker-3: Yeah, I agree with Stacey. think that because I think we also speaker-0: work at started in smaller companies and having like you said to wear multiple. speaker-3: but sometimes with speaker-0: Smaller companies, the expectations are great. There's fewer people and there's work to get done. And so I agree. Only that stayed with me for. speaker-3: you know, because there's Work ethic is definitely something that. speaker-1: Me, dad always said, always get, if you have to be somewhere at eight, you'd be there at 7.45. Well, I even took it to a little bit more extreme. I always felt like we should get to school 30 to 45 minutes because every, it doesn't matter what time you drive up to the parking lot, there's students sitting outside and I could open the gym and say, come on in until the breakfast starts. And so to me, that's a very important trait, especially in teaching. speaker-2: I was going to say dad always said treat the janitor just as well as you would treat a boss and I think that's important to keep in mind as well because I think there were times that I had to be the janitor. speaker-1: Well, we're gonna get a little juicy now. ⁓ Gonna transition to married life. what surprised you the most about married life that no one told you? Now, I will have to jump in and say, Mom sat me down the night before I got married. ⁓ you didn't? You what? Well, no, she actually tried to tell me about the birds and the bees. night before I got married. speaker-4: ⁓ you did least quarter speaker-3: Yeah, I'm good. speaker-0: Thank speaker-2: Did they buy you a nice nightie? speaker-3: Yes. speaker-1: Yes. Yeah, little tiger outfit. Yeah, when she started talking I said, I already found out from all my friends. You don't have to tell me about any of that. speaker-4: Yeah. speaker-3: That's funny because I was like, what? speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, let's try to get back to the question. What surprised you the most about married life that no one told you? ⁓ speaker-3: think anyone told me that was the way it was. You know, every, I mean, it was, that's a huge tradition. You take ideas, qualities. speaker-0: anything that what Trans to individuals with their own own personality their own ways of doing things and the recipe for disaster and let speaker-3: put them together, that is a God's in control of it. speaker-1: Amen. That's the only way. speaker-3: Only I can take two people and make them one because everything about marriage was a transition for me. And I had great speaker-0: We go. parents to watch in their marriage, but still a huge speaker-3: It's always a change. speaker-4: So add 10 years on to living your own life and doing your own thing because I married 10 years later in life than all my sisters and Andy and I were used to doing our own thing and we both lived on our own and were pretty set in our ways. But like Susan said, we committed our marriage to the Lord and we actually took divorce off the table. And so when you know that you have to work things out. You get creative and we were dedicated to making speaker-2: work. And then add a child involved already and having him live with you and being 22, you know, still very young yourself with an eight-year-old. So that is tough. I don't think anybody prepared me for the fights that you would have because I don't remember seeing mom and dad in fights. speaker-1: think they must have had knock-down dragouts behind closed doors because I don't remember. speaker-3: either. speaker-2: And so, you know, that first fight comes up and it's like, man, where did this come from? supposed to do that. I'm not supposed to do that. You know, so I think that was something that kind of caught me off guard. know Gran always told us, wisdom that the grandmothers brought, Gran always told us never to go to sleep mad. And I remember being up like at four in the morning, still mad. but I wasn't going to sleep because I'm not going to sleep mad. Which by the way, I think was good feedback. And then Granny's feedback, are y'all ready for this juicy? Was don't wear panties to bed. That sounds. speaker-1: I can imagine. That is good advice. speaker-3: I'm surprised she didn't say sleep-necking. speaker-2: Yeah, she may have and I just narrowed that down. It keeps it exciting. speaker-1: Good old granny, he had a way. What advice would y'all give someone about maintaining individuality in your marriage? speaker-3: Leave it. speaker-0: Granny. speaker-4: say make sure to maintain your friendships because it's very easy to lose connection if you allow it and then continue to foster hobbies and interests because you're going to need those and I know Stacey's still struggling to figure out what her hobbies are but I think that's important to maintain that independence in a marriage. speaker-2: Yeah, mine's not from being married though. Mine is from having kids, you know, running around all the time. Oh yeah. Not having time for hobbies. But I agree with you, Shelley. I think that's extremely important. Although now I could just stay at home with Casey and hang out, you know, have our little own parties. speaker-0: I think each partner has been my brain's strengths and weaknesses. speaker-3: to the table, right? When you, and what I would say about, is, speaker-0: maintaining your individuality. Allow your partner to strengthen those strengths and strengthen those weaknesses. Here, like one may be here and one here and just allow them to get to the middle. speaker-3: So you may be. Maybe. bring it all. You know, they always say opposites attract. It was definitely. We said, and I'm going to give an example of weaknesses, but see, I see the. speaker-0: One area of strength and weakness is strength in both of us. our goal is to strong in both us. speaker-3: and R, even though both is to the middle. And I'll give you an example. speaker-0: Tom is very process oriented. He's a planner and is very organized. Those are three strengths. His are his strengths. I am very spontaneous, very much a people person. He likes to do things for a long time. He's quick decision maker, very spontaneous. He may be bit of a rascal, speaker-3: here all my You know a quick thinker he has to ruminate on time. I'm a quick thinker Now you may be saying, weaknesses, but I don't see them as weaknesses. speaker-0: And because we've been married so long over the years, he has gotten more spontaneous, more organized and more of a planner. And I'm a better person because of it. So, but in some cases, if you speaker-3: and I've got I feel like I'm opposites do it. You fight against it, I think it's going to be more like opposites attack. speaker-2: That's a great point, Susan. speaker-0: And so, encourage people to see that visuality means moving towards the middle together. speaker-3: ⁓ I would just... sometimes indiv... speaker-1: That is good advice. As we move on from being married to having children, I just remember the first time we had Sandy in our arms, and she was little, like six pounds, six ounces, 18 inches. She could fit in a shoe box, and I was thinking, we have to raise this tiny human. She's going to depend on us for 18 to, let us say, 30 years, maybe more. And I'm going tell you, that was a shock. What about y'all? speaker-2: Brandon going into the marriage. I knew that but just the amount of time and teamwork that it took to be parents. think people don't give that enough credit that it is a team. But you're right, Cheryl. It's scary, especially when they're so speaker-3: With that being said, Stacey, because that was a good point. speaker-0: makes me really appreciate Single Mom. speaker-3: because I just. speaker-0: so much regard for them and being both at times the father and the mother. But I think for me the most unexpected part was extremely physically tired, eating physical meat, being up with them speaker-3: But I think. is how I was just meeting the physical needs, getting up with them, know, getting them if they want their bed, getting up with them with nobodies, just getting up and even as they went into school, having to do homework, already tired and they come home and they're wanting to work. speaker-0: Nightmare for feedings and then the school more night when you're on fire. speaker-2: And when you didn't like to do homework when you were in school, why do I have to do this? speaker-3: Yeah. I'm like, don't know. But then you think older they get, that physical, you know, and it does. But guess what? It becomes mental exhaustion because it's like they're always like pressing the boundaries, pushing, pushing. And it's like, ⁓ my goodness, you got speaker-0: No. that the Boston? I'm sorry. from physical exhaustion to mental and emotional exhaustion. speaker-3: They just kind of wear you down. speaker-4: 12 nieces and nephews before Cherokee came along and my sisters will say, I said Cherokee will fill in the blank. That's very grossly exaggerated. But I did have an idea of how I was going to raise Andes and my child. And thankfully Cherokee got a lot of our positive attributes, but nothing drives me more crazy than someone even now. speaker-1: ever. speaker-3: and speaker-4: will say, man, you sure got lucky with Cherokee. And I actually just want to throttle them because it took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. And prayers for sure to raise any child, but for us to raise Cherokee and she be the person that she is and for someone to just come along and dismiss it as luck just really rubs me the wrong way. speaker-1: and prayers. speaker-2: Another thing is how can all the kids be raised exactly the same and turn out so different from the same parent? I still question that. speaker-1: It's called free will. If we didn't have free will, we'd have a bunch of robots. That'd be boring. speaker-2: I like my life to be a little more boring at times, Cheryl. speaker-1: I hear you. hear you. The last thing I want to talk about is, ⁓ none of us have gotten there yet, but transitioning into retirement. So what is your plan as far as transitioning into retirement? speaker-2: I'm just now starting to look at what it's going to take to be retired and to have somewhat of the same lifestyle that we have today. And what great examples do we have with mom and dad? You know, they're still pretty active. They want to go. They want to support their great grandchildren at this point and still do a great job at that. And that's the lifestyle that I want. Casey and I have started breaking it down into different areas. There's the financial aspect, but there's also the physical aspect as well. But you have to be strong and take care of yourself physically. In case something does happen, you have the muscle strength to recover from it. And so I think that that's about as far as I've gotten. I know that there's a lot more to go there, especially on the financial side. ⁓ speaker-0: That's a good start, Stacey. I mean, what, 10 years out? That's very good to think about. speaker-3: I'm with you being about. about. He retired at Sandy, but he always said, I'm so that I didn't want to be in. And that has been a good, just trying to speaker-0: Staying in shape, could go the full course. didn't bring to the issue and inspiration for me to stay in shape and walk and leg strength and all of that. I'm sure honestly can't see myself retiring. Weird, because I think I will always part of something, whether paid or volunteer. speaker-3: That's a whole other podcast. But I. is because I think that I will always be a part I just, I'm not a. speaker-0: Rocking chair, sit on the porch, rocking chair time. Now, my rocking chair time, I've never thought of myself playing golf or something. Again, my answer is to be the speaker-3: I love. like that which nothing is that it's just not me. Am I determined? speaker-4: Andy and I have aspirations of moving to another country one day. About that time, we will most likely start getting grandchildren. So that will definitely impact that decision. But it's, fun to think about. We visited some places that are possibilities, crossed them off the list, put them on the definite possibility list. But what the true future holds, we don't know. But it's just part of The fun of retirement is thinking about it and what that might hold for you and your spouse. speaker-3: What I did was, now that you mentioned that, was we built a home, an aging in place home. and that kind of helps, you know, speaker-0: that Tom and I This is our retirement now. now to know this is where we're going to be. Of course, family is important. speaker-3: And I know it's Shelley alluded to that, but I feel like that you have to know what you're. You can't or what are you retiring to? That's why I'm yet to be determined. speaker-0: You have tiring to just retire. speaker-1: Our plan, Lord willing, is to retire in two years and we're working toward that by trying to make more investments and rent houses. And our newest investment, I think, is gold. We're thinking gold is the way to go, but don't hold me to it, please. But before we close out, my friend called me the other day said, I want to know what that plant is behind your head in the podcast. So I looked it up and it's called Baby's Tears. This one right here. It's called Baby's Tears. So I wanted to say shout out to AJ. That's Baby's Tears and this will be the last time you get to see my plant. I'm transitioning to another bookshelf. Well that's it on transitions. Next week, stay tuned. Susan will be talking about empty nest and how to deal with it. speaker-2: That's a transition in itself, right? speaker-1: Yes, is. Life is messy, meaningful, and better when shared. speaker-3: Don't forget to like! speaker-1: Share Comment speaker-2: and subscribe. speaker-3: Bye! speaker-1: So, let me stop for a minute because I gotta get myself together here. I told you we're gonna stop a lot, Shelly. Where should I start? ⁓ Alright, here we go. Heh. Well, I'm not gonna start with the first question, but here we go. speaker-4: First question. speaker-3: Alright. Hold on. Tom! Tom! speaker-0: Hold on. speaker-2: Can y'all hear me? Okay, I think my electricity. ⁓ I mean, not my electricity, my. speaker-1: I was young, just that's why I, that's why. speaker-3: Stop. Take that part out. speaker-1: All right, y'all ready to transition? Okay, I'm skipping that one. Did your first job match your expectations? Is that okay? Anybody have a burning desire to do that one? Okay. Life is messy. Life is kind and life is beautiful. speaker-4: Go! speaker-3: You speaker-2: It is almost there. speaker-3: All proves true. Amen. speaker-1: life ⁓ speaker-4: Meaningful! Meaningful! speaker-1: What the? speaker-2: Thanks for watching! speaker-4: Life is messy, meaningful, and better when shared. speaker-3: Don't forget to share. speaker-0: Forget.