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What Makes A Good Man or Woman? · ToddTalks--Spirit By Design: Your Weekly Survival Guide

• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Todd Talk, Spirit by Design, where I help you design the spiritual life that you desire in order to prepare you for the second coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I thought about, you know, some of the conversations I've had with different pilots on the airplane.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, we talk about a lot of different things.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things we talk about is how we judge people, right?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: And my last episode was about don't judge me because of you know, I sin differently than you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what what I talked about or talk about with the pilots when we talk about judgment is I don't judge a person by any of their race, creed, religion, any of that.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I judge them, are they a good man or woman?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So a good person, so today we're going to talk about what makes a good man or woman.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: A good person isn't defined by what they possess, how successful they are, or how they appear to others.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: A good person is becoming the kind of person whose heart choices, relationships, and private life increasingly look like Jesus Christ.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So what kind of person are you becoming?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're always either growing or shrinking.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: What makes a good man?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: What makes someone a good man or a good woman?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um not a successful man, a wealthy man, a powerful man, a popular woman, an influencer, not someone who looks good on Instagram or Facebook, not somebody who knows all the right religious answers.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: The question today is what actually makes a person good?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I think most of us spend a lot of time trying to become successful people without spending nearly enough time or the amount of time that is required to become good people.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a fascinating thing about this question.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ancient philosophers wrestled with it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Aristotle wrote extensively about virtue and character.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: The Stoics made virtue central to the good life.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've been listening a lot to Marcus Aurelius and some of the teachings of the Stoics.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: They made virtue central to the good life.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus Aurelius repeatedly reminded himself that the answer wasn't to talk about being good, but to actually become good.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Then we look at the scriptures and discover that God has been asking essentially that same question of mankind for thousands of years.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Peter asked, What manner of men ought ye to be?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then in 3 Nephi 27-27 we hear, even as I am, that's Christ talking.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's a completely different standard.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Christianity doesn't simply say, be a good person, it says become like Christ.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: So those two ideas aren't quite the same thing, but we're gonna go through what becoming a good Christ-like individual means.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: A good person has a good heart.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most important ideas for this entire episode comes from President D.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Todd Christofferson's 2026 General Conference message, The Conference of the Character of Christ.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: He taught, Christ-like character grows out of a Christ-like heart.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Character isn't primarily about behavior, it's about what's inside you, who you've become.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Behavior is the fruit, character is the tree.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can temporarily control your behavior, you can put on a good face, you can say the right things, do the right things, make it look like you're spiritual, but eventually your heart comes out.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And Jesus taught, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Matthew 12, 34.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: King Benjamin describes the transformation God wants to make in us as the Spirit of the Lord omnipotent has wrought a mighty change in us, in our hearts.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: President Christopherson emphasizes that for most people this change happens incrementally, not overnight.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Faith, repentance, covenants, the Holy Ghost, the grace of Jesus Christ gradually change who we are.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: We become better.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: We become good.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the question I'd like everybody listening to ask.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: If God could change one thing about your heart, what would you ask him to change?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your anger, pride, selfishness, lust, impatience, insecurity, need for approval, judgment of other people.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because becoming good isn't simply learning how to behave, it's allowing Christ to change what you want.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So Marcus Aurelius said, stop talking about being good.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: He wrote, waste no more time arguing what a good man should be.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Be one.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great line, isn't it?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Stop talking about it.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: In Top Gun, they said, don't think, just do.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: The line fits beautifully with the gospel because we can spend our entire lives discussing morality.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: We can debate politics, religion, argue about why everybody else is wrong, what they're doing wrong.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: We can post inspirational quotes, we can tell everyone what we believe and still fail to be a good Christ-like person.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: At some point, the theology has to become part of our character.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: The gospel isn't simply something we believe, though a lot of people, a lot of Christians believe in Christ and don't act like him.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: The gospel is something we become.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: President Harold B.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Lee taught that the gospel is not merely an idea, it is something we do.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: He connected living the commandments with building integrity, character, righteousness, and our eternal life.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus Aurelius essentially says the same thing from a philosophical perspective.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: He says, stop discussing the good life and start living it.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if somebody never heard what you believe, could they figure out your values by watching how you live?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good question, isn't it?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So a good person does the right thing when it costs something.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Done an episode about that.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: How how can you be righteous and do the right thing even when it's hard, when it costs you something?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's where virtue becomes real.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone can be kind when they're having a great day.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone can be patient when everything is going right.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Anybody can be generous when it costs them nothing.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when goodness becomes expensive?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus gives us the ultimate example.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't merely teach sacrifice, he actually sacrificed.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't teach forgiveness, he forgave.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't teach service, he served.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't merely tell us to love our enemies, he suffered for people who rejected him.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: The people nailing his hands to the cross, he said, Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: President Christopher identifies three motivations as the center of Christ's character pure love, lifting and ministering to others, and devotion to the will of God.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: He points out that these motivations produce humility, meekness, selflessness, courage, integrity, and virtue.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a pretty good definition of a good person, wouldn't you agree?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Someone whose love is stronger than their selfishness.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Another philosopher, ancient, he's old, he's been dead for a long time, Aristotle.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Aristotle had an important insight.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: He said, you don't become virtuous by occasionally doing virtuous things.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You become virtuous by repeatedly practicing virtue until it becomes part of who you are.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the fake it till you make it, it's practice it till it becomes habit and becomes part of you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: He emphasized that virtue involves finding the appropriate mean between excess and deficiency in our emotions and actions.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that connects beautifully with a principle found in the Book of Mormon.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Alma 37, 6 says, by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't suddenly wake up one morning and discover that you become courageous, you practice courage.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't suddenly become patient, you practice patience.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: You don't suddenly become honest, you practice honesty daily.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You don't suddenly become generous, you practice generosity.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Character is accumulated.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's the accumulation of all the little things, little habits that you form throughout your life.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Every decision is a vote for the person who you're becoming.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's why habits matter so much.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: A good man has strength, but he doesn't need to dominate.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I like Jordan Peterson, he said that a good man has to be capable of great violence, or he cannot be a good man.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: He can be a simp.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is important because of an important part of the discussion about men specifically.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: The world confuses masculinity with dominance, loudness, aggression, control, intimidation.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Christ demonstrates something radically different.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus had enormous power and extraordinary restraint.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: He could command storms, he could heal, he could call down legions of angels, and yet he described himself as meek and lowly in heart.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is real strength, not the inability to control yourself, the ability to control yourself when you could choose otherwise.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now that is masculinity, true masculinity.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe Christ was the ultimate example of masculinity.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: President Christofferson specifically describes the meek as people who exercise self-control, using or withholding their considerable powers and gifts according to what is best in the situation.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus Aurelius similarly emphasized justice, temperance, courage, and freedom as essential aspects of good character.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So perhaps one definition of a good man is a man powerful enough to protect, but disciplined enough not to abuse his power.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: One definition of a good woman is a woman strong enough to influence the world, but humble enough to use that influence to lift rather than diminish others.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And really, those qualities belong to all disciples of Christ.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: So the good person turns outward.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: President Christofferson's talk has a story about a woman whose daughter had just died in a horrific accident.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: She finds out about this and finds out that there were two other uh teenagers involved.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And she finds out while the two other young women involved were being taken to the hospital.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Her first instinct wasn't, what about me?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: What about my baby?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was, we need to go let those other two mothers know that their daughters are on their way to the hospital.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: President Christopherson quotes Elder David A.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Bednar's observation that character is revealed when we can recognize someone else's suffering while we are suffering ourselves.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's huge because selfishness says, My pain is the most important pain in the room.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Christ, like character, says, I'm hurting, but who else is hurting?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's what Jesus did.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: On the cross, in unimaginable agony, he was still thinking about his mother.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: That is goodness.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Epictetus, another of the Stoics, asked a brutally practical question about goodness.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: He taught that a good person doesn't act merely for appearances, but because doing what is right is itself the objective.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's worth talking about for a long time because we live in an age of curated character.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: We can make ourselves look good.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: We can make our marriages look good, we can make our families look good.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can put filters on everything.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: We can make our spirituality look good, our success look good.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: God doesn't judge us based on Instagram feeds.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: The real test isn't what do people think of me, and personally I could care less what other people think of me.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: The real test is who am I when nobody is watching?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I becoming?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: That is integrity.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And integrity may be one of the simplest definitions of goodness.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: The person who you are in private is the person you actually are.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: You see, honesty isn't just a moral rule, it's a character trait.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: An honest man is the noblest work of God.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: That was from Robert Burns.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: He then asked whether a person could truly be good without being honest, and whether someone could really be honest without being good.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Honesty isn't just I don't lie.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's I tell the truth, I keep my promises, I don't manipulate, I don't exaggerate myself, I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, I don't take what isn't mine, I don't live one life publicly and another privately.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Integrity means your life doesn't require an explanation.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: President Russell Nelson gave us another powerful piece of the puzzle.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: He taught that charity is foundational to godly character and called on disciples to become peacemakers rather than participants in an increasingly hostile world.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: He also taught that thoughts, words, and actions need to be virtuous and filled with the pure love of Christ.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: See the progression?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thoughts, words, actions create your character.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: What you repeatedly think about eventually affects what you say.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: What you repeatedly say affects what you do.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: What you repeatedly do shapes who you become.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: What you think about, you eventually do or become.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe the question isn't, am I a good person?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's what am I repeatedly thinking, saying, and doing?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where your character is being built.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: So what does a good person actually look like?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: A good man or woman loves God, tells the truth, keeps commitments, controls themselves, serves people, doesn't ask what's in it for me.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: They ask how can I help?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Protects rather than exploits, repents.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: A good person is willing to admit their mistakes and make changes, forgives, keeps learning, does the right thing when it costs something, and I like to add, is capable of great violence, but is restrained.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Big difference between Christianity and philosophy.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Aristotle gives us virtue, the Stoics give us self-mastery, Epictetus gives us discipline and control over our choices.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus Aurelius gives us duty, restraint, and character.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: All of that is valuable.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: But it's missing one thing more important: grace.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: The Christian message isn't become perfect through sheer willpower, it's come to Christ and be perfected in him.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's the hope.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to manufacture Christ that character by myself.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Christ can change me.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: He can change my heart, he can change my desires, he can change your heart, change your desires, make you more patient, more honest, more courageous, more compassionate, more disciplined, more humble, more loving.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, what manner of person ought ye to be?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Verily I say unto you, even as I am.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: 3rd Nephi 27, 27.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not how rich should I be, how successful, how impressive, how many people should know my name, what kind of person am I becoming is the most important question.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because someday none of the external stuff is going to matter nearly as much as that.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can't take anything else with you to the grave but your integrity and who you are.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your character goes with you.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the greatest ambition any of us can have is simply to build a successful, isn't simply to build a successful life, it's to build a good life, a Christ-like life.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where your children know that you are trustworthy, your spouse knows you are safe, your friends know you will tell them the truth, strangers experience kindness from you, your enemies don't make you become someone you don't want to be, temptation doesn't own you, success doesn't corrupt you, failure doesn't destroy you, suffering doesn't make you selfish, where your private life can stand beside your public testimony, where little by little your character begins to look like Christ's.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because ultimately, being a good man or woman isn't about becoming the best version of yourself, it's about becoming more like Jesus Christ.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the greatest definition of a good person there is.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Love like Christ, serve like Christ, forgive like Christ, stand for truth like Christ, control yourself like Christ, sacrifice like Christ, and when you fall, repent and come back to Christ.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes a good man, that's what makes a good woman.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is what makes a disciple.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: And as you grow and change, I'm rooting for you.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's the person I want to become.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not there yet, I'm working on it.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you are, and you can too.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is Todd Talk Spirit by Design.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Put into practice these things that I teach, and your life will continue to improve, and you will become more like Christ.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: As always, have a blessed day.