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For my grandmother: Honoring the women who came before us · The Naked Room

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, roomies?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to do a little voice memo for you today because I did a short on YouTube last night.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was having a really frustrated content day yesterday where I have all
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: of these ideas and they're just flooding my head.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I sit down to start one,
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I get frustrated because it just doesn't come out the way that I want.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an indication that it's time for me to reset,
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: to ground, to To take some deep breaths, to step away, to change my environment.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until after Zula and I went for a run in the evening that I felt
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: a lot more clear about what I really wanted to put out there.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't think about it too hard.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's been a big theme too.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Not overthinking so much.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: My inner voice has told me that recently.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times, actually.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, hey, stop overthinking.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Just do the first thing that comes to your mind.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's usually the right thing.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the calm inner voice telling you, giving you guidance.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I talked in my first and last solo episode about my friend Nina Bavar
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: and how she gave me that guidance as well.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm going to bring her up in every episode, I guess, because she's so powerful.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: She's like the two sessions that I've had with her.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I go in feeling unclear about certain things and then I wake up the next day feeling
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: a sense of clarity and Like I can't even explain.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the answers are all there.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: They've been there all along,
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: but she just like pulls them out of me in this really beautiful way.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she asks the right questions and you should book a session with her
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: if you're looking to have more awareness about yourself because she calls herself
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: the awareness coach and she is amazing.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway,
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I did a short last night where I talked about how my grandmother,
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: my maternal grandmother, my mom's mom came to me on my 40th birthday.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: She passed away August 5th, 2012.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And She was very magical.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: She was very big into dream interpretation.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: She would go to UFO conferences.
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  SPEAKER_00: She was always very cosmically connected in this way
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: that I feel like I only scratched the surface.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish that I could have more conversations with her
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: because she was just incredibly special.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I loved our time together.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I got a lot closer with her when I was around my late teens, early 20s.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she passed away when I was in my late 20s.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we probably got a good 10 years of really,
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: really getting to know each other on a deeper level.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she's the one who got me my first astrological reading for my birthday when I was 22.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And she's the one who kind of introduced me to all of these ideas
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: that were probably always innate within me,
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: but I wasn't really opening that part of myself up that much.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And she actually...
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's an interesting story that's like too crazy to even,
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: it's like it feels like it's not real, but it's so freaking cool.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, when I moved to Los Feliz, it's a neighborhood in Los Angeles.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let me go back a little farther.
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  SPEAKER_00: Before I left Virginia to move to Los Angeles, my grandmother had gifted me this book.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's called The Teachings.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let me find it actually.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: The Secret Teachings of All Ages by Manly P. Hall.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's a really thick book.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest, I haven't actually read it.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've just been carrying it around with me.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And you all are probably going to think it's funny that I haven't read it
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: after I tell you this story.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: It just feels intimidating because it's so big.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's like a thousand pages, it feels like.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I moved into this place in Los Feliz.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was like 37, 38 Los Feliz Boulevard.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm carrying this heavy book around with me.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I move it across the country.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And right after I moved into that studio apartment,
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like looking through my books and putting my books away.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt this pull to look At this book, because she had had it signed for me.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, who is this person who signed it?
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  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked him up.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this is reminding me that I should probably go and reach out to this guy
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  SPEAKER_00: and just say, hey, have you, do you remember meeting my grandmother?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: This tiny little woman who was just full of light and energy and excited about so many things.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm looking through this book when I get to my apartment and I see the address
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  SPEAKER_00: of like the publisher and And I kid you not,
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I moved right across the street from where this book was published.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like this place in Los Feliz.
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  SPEAKER_00: I didn't bring the book with me.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let me pull it out.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're getting a deep dive into the way my brain works today.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah,
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: it says the thing that was that the Mitch Horowitz,
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: maybe somebody knows who that is, Mitch Horowitz, May 2012.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this is three months before she passes away.
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  SPEAKER_00: He said, nothing is stranger than truth and put a star by it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: He said to Kelly, may these teachings enrich your life in every way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Cheers, Mitch Horowitz, May 2012.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I moved to Los Feliz Boulevard.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: And this is, yeah, the psychological or sorry, Philosophical Research Society.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that is on Los Feliz Boulevard.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: There have been so many little things like this.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I'm craving more of these little signs in my life.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: My grandmother connects with me through hearts,
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  SPEAKER_00: like a rock in the shape of a heart or a leaf in the shape of a heart.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And she does that with my mom as well.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's one story where my mom was cleaning her room and it happened to be my mom's birthday.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: My mom's a Taurus, so that should explain why she was cleaning her room on her birthday.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: But she was cleaning her room.
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  SPEAKER_00: It was spotless.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, there's nothing, no dust, nothing anywhere.
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  SPEAKER_00: And she looks down at her nightstand and she sees this tiny,
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  SPEAKER_00: tiny piece of paper in the shape of a heart and knew
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: that it was my grandmother connecting with her.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom has always been My mom's side of the family is pretty scientific
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: and very much like fact-based.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so to see this shift in my mom after my grandmother passed away was really beautiful.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to kind of see beyond what's right in front of you and believe
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: that there's more than what we can see.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that for everyone because it's really,
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: really special to be able to believe,
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  SPEAKER_00: maybe even know that there's so much more than what we can see.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because energy never really dissipates, right?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if somebody passes away, maybe their body obviously, they're not embodied.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: But that energy of their soul has to go somewhere else.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so my grandmother always said that she believed that we turn into molecules
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  SPEAKER_00: and go back to source.
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  SPEAKER_00: We're basically stardusts.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I firmly believe that that's what happened for her because I have never felt her
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  SPEAKER_00: in the traditional sense after she passed away.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like where you see like a ghost or an apparition or something like that.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Never, never.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like she is completely at peace wherever she is.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it gives me a lot of comfort.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like sad for the people who are left behind to not feel like they can connect.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it makes me really happy to know that her soul was so...
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like elevated or just kind of expansive.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Her soul had learned everything that it needed to.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: She probably lived lots of lifetimes.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I imagine that she was like a witch back in the 1600s or something.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: But she was done.
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  SPEAKER_00: She's moved on.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that she is reincarnated or anything like that.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So she hasn't really connected with me much.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: But there was one time, and it happened to be my 40th birthday.
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  SPEAKER_00: So this was almost three years ago, October 3rd, 2023.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was doing a self-hypnosis that day.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the week,
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: the program for that week that I had determined I was doing was about fear,
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  SPEAKER_00: just deep diving into things that I'm afraid of and releasing those things.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so for some reason,
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: the thing that I meditated on that day was my fear of losing people, beings,
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  SPEAKER_00: things that I love and Animals,
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  SPEAKER_00: things around me,
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  SPEAKER_00: like my husband, my dog, my mom,
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  SPEAKER_00: you know, people who are close to me, losing them and going through that process.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not so much my own death,
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: but losing the people around me because I know what a process it is to grieve.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels so lonely and so empty and so many things.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've been in fear of that.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so during this hypnosis,
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like deep in theta state and I'm just able to receive at this point.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I start hearing something that is very calm, but it's not my inner voice.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's something else.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's something beyond me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it was my grandmother coming through.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's been this and one time after she passed away,
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  SPEAKER_00: she came to me in a dream and tried to send me a voicemail message.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I woke up before I was able to receive it.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I've asked her to send it to me again, but it's just never come.
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  SPEAKER_00: So this is 14 years later.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I just try to tell myself that I probably already received the message
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  SPEAKER_00: in one form or another.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: But, Grandma, if you want to send me the message, I will be happy to receive it now.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was, like, scared.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was scared to hear it at the time because it was so wrong.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: But she comes through during this meditation that I'm doing,
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: and I'll just read you what I wrote.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Karo and Nancy came to me to tell me that she spoke to God and that they,
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: God is non-binary as far as she says, they said, I'm an elevated soul.
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  SPEAKER_00: I'm golden,
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  SPEAKER_00: that where she is is golden,
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  SPEAKER_00: that life is both an ending and a beginning,
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: that I will be reunited with everyone who I love at another time and place
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: after we depart this plane.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: She said that I've already affected a lot of people,
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: but that my platform is about to get much bigger.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember if she sent me a heart or what that form was that day, but...
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's sent me hearts regularly.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been – there have been a few times that I can pinpoint where I'm like,
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: yeah, that was pretty freaking cool.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I had gone to a sushi restaurant.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was working at Red Bull.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And to avoid traffic, because I was working in Santa Monica and I had to killer drive back home.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think I was living in Eagle Rock already at that point.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: But if I missed the time window to leave,
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: like, in the afternoon, like, by 2 o'clock – It would take two hours to get home.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes I would be like,
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to stay and hang out and I'll go get some dinner and I'll wait
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  SPEAKER_00: until like after seven o'clock to drive home.
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  SPEAKER_00: So there's a sushi restaurant that I went to and I was like table for one.
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  SPEAKER_00: And then there was another woman who came in after me who was also table for one.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I like made a joke.
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  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, you want to sit together?
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  SPEAKER_00: Joking around.
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  SPEAKER_00: And she thought that that was funny.
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  SPEAKER_00: We ended up sitting at our separate tables.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I see her.
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  SPEAKER_00: She's doing her thing.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then she's eating her food.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then she gets up and leaves.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then I ask for my bill.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And the person who was waiting on me was like, oh, that woman already paid your bill.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, well, I'm going to pay this forward now.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I get up and I'm like feeling really good and just happy,
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: just feeling a lot of faith in humanity at that point because that's just such
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: a sweet gesture and it makes me want to do more of those.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as I walk outside,
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: I look down on the sidewalk and there is this leaf that is like
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: the most heart-shaped leaf that I have ever seen.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it just,
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm about to tear up thinking about it because it just is like,
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: it was so obvious that that was just a beautiful message.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway,
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  SPEAKER_00: I just I felt pulled to talk about all this today because it's just easy for me
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: to talk about it.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: It just comes out of me so easily.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to keep the legacy of my very wonderful,
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  SPEAKER_00: mystical,
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: somewhat like mysterious and magical grandmother alive because she's been such
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: a spirit guide for me.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope that everyone out there has spirit guides.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know everyone has someone who's looking out for them.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Your ancestors, your spirit guides, whomever it is, everybody has multiples.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: But if you want to share anything about your own spirit guides or any
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: of your ancestors or anyone who you love dearly,
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: any women from your life who you want to honor, I want to hear from you.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's important,
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: like I'm talking to people who are my age, going through reinventions and Pivots.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: But there are the women who came before us and who are going to come after us
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: who need to be honored and need to be supported.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think it'd be so cool if we got a bunch of these stories of women
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: who we want to honor.