Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / ASPERGERS Relationships | How YOU maintain A Relationship (3 TIPS)

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ASPERGERS Relationships | How YOU maintain A Relationship (3 TIPS) · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

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  So Asperger's and relationships. I'm going to share three tips on
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  how you can maintain a relationship coming up.
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  Hey guys, welcome back to the ask me world.
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  My name is Dan and I have Asperger's Syndrome ADHD OCD and
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  dyslexia. Are we discussing three tips
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  that I personally use to help maintain a healthy happy
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  relationship that I've had now for the past 10 years.
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  So all that is coming up to a lot of people ask me this
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  question, you know, can you do a video on Asperger's and
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  relationships and autism and being in a relationship and I
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  basically, you know, I've been in a relationship with my
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  girlfriend for almost Ten years now and we have a son as well.
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  So he's coming up for just a year old and people are kind of
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  like, you know, can you make videos on all this kind of stuff
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  and I am I did a parenting video my first one last week, but also
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  more importantly, I feel like people want to know how do you
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  maintain a healthy relationship whilst being on the Spectrum?
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  We know if one of you is on the Spectrum if both here on the
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  Spectrum, if you know if the guy or the girl or both girls with
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  both guys, don't touch me how does all work so I thought I
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  would just kind of do a video talking about it and also give
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  you guys three tips. The bonus tip right then from me
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  from my personal experience is that I feel would really help
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  everybody. So one of the biggest issues, I
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  guess that people are confronted with is that they are finding it
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  difficult to make friends and then making friends is the first
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  step to making kind of romantic friendships and that will lead
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  into a full-blown relationship now making friends is a
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  difficult one. If you don't have a plan like a
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  game plan I could get plant it to make friends but it starts
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  with making friends if you can make friends and you're
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  confident making friends and you can make romantic relationships.
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  You know from those friendships if that's where it's going to
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  go. Now.
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  How do you maintain a relationship with somebody if
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  you're invested in them as a partner or a boyfriend or a wife
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  or a husband or whatever and it's all down to like a few
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  different factors now for me, it's I'm lucky in the fact that
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  like Naomi my partner, you know, she is a specialist years of
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  first-degree honors and autism and Asperger syndrome for like
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  childhood studies and children and things like that.
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  So she can understands me way more than like the average
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  typical person would but needless to say we still have
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  our issues. Like anybody else would be it.
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  This is not me saying to you guys that hey, you know, the
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  first partner you go with needs to have a degree in autism to
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  understand you and that's not what I'm trying to say.
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  I was just saying like from my experience.
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  This is what kind of help me a little bit more than the typical
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  kind of like a couple but let's go on to like what I believe are
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  tips that are going to definitely help.
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  So I made a can't I just make that a small list of like three
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  things. I checked like a bonus one in
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  which we'll talk about the end because it's that was kind of
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  cool. So the first one is
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  communication, right and Okay done communication but
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  communication is so so interesting because
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  communication is the one thing that we all know that we need to
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  work on in any relationship regardless of a neurotypical on
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  your diverse. Right?
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  But everybody forgets about it, like everyone forgets about
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  communication. I find this fascinating if you
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  make sure that you understand conversations correctly
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  arguments can just fizzle out. So when you get into arousal
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  arguments or disagreements on stuff it's easy because one
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  person wants one thing one person wants another thing and
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  that never get on but the argument comes from the fact
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  that the two people in that conversation don't understand
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  what each other is saying it's simple communication right when
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  you're in a relationship with an autistic person.
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  The autistic person will definitely have communication
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  issues and some of those issues will be in the form of not
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  understanding the flow of a conversation especially if it's
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  heated especially if one of them is getting anxious are both
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  answers or vice versa. It's kind of like you have to
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  understand the pieces of the puzzle to then resolve it or you
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  can take a drink: So this comes down to this my advice is if you
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  or your partner on the Spectrum, make sure that everybody
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  involved in that conversation knows everything that is
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  happening there because far too often what happens is you'll be
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  in a conversation with your partner.
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  So if you're on the Spectrum when you're talking to somebody
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  then you won't understand what they're saying properly.
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  So you'll just say something that might anger them or it's
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  completely off the charts that's nothing to do with it.
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  And then it'll make it look like you're not listening to them and
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  it's going to cause a whole huge argument.
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  A row right? It's going to go crazy.
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  Now. If you on the other hand, you're
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  receiving this information and your partner's on the Spectrum
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  and they don't seem to understand the flow of the
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  conversation or the go off topic just bear in mind that they're
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  not going off topic because they don't like you or the trying not
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  to resolve the issue. They're basically enough topic
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  because they haven't really grasp the gist of the
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  conversation. So my advice would be to write
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  it down or get a diagram start drawing out pictures.
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  I know it sounds like borrowing and lending that one's thinking
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  like what I'm gonna got a notepad in the middle was like
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  heated iron. We like throwing things down you
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  like But you know, it's just stop it getting to that level
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  get out a pad and Pen write down and draw small images of what's
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  going on because visually things can be way more explained than
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  they can orderly because one of the things I know is that like
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  whenever no me try to explain something to me choices like
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  draw small picture and write it down because I can't really get
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  the the what she's saying just verbally I'm just like I want
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  how am I supposed to have done what I mean?
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  So that is number one making sure everybody understands
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  exactly what's going on and use visual representations because
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  they are going to help You understand so much more easier.
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  Okay. So number two.
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  This one's kind of interesting and it's an obvious one.
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  But again people forget about it.
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  It's being open and honest like autistic people have an issue
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  expressing their emotions, right?
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  How do they communicate their Motions?
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  Like, how are they conveying their emotions and stuff?
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  How do they feel about certain situations and that can be
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  difficult. But if you're open and honest
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  and you just lay your cards out and say, okay look and the
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  autistic person so I'm you know in this situation, so I'm really
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  okay. I'm going to tell you actually
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  how I feel on my emotions on everything and this is all I can
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  explain because this is my relationship with it.
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  And that's what I'm going to tell you.
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  Then the other person can like understand you then because
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  you've been completely open and honest and vice versa.
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  If you're in a relationship with an autistic person, then tell
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  him how you feel open and honesty time your emotions town
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  like you're feeling for that day and how you feeling because
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  being an open honest relationship and being
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  completely transparent with everything is going to help you
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  so much more because you're going to understand each other
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  way more right? You're going to know all this
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  person's feeling down today because they told me Don't have
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  to guess anything because that's another thing people in
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  relationships forget that they just do have to tell people how
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  they feel no one's just gonna you know, magically know what
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  they're talking about. Especially not if they have an
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  Autism Spectrum diagnosis because that's never going to
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  happen those Unwritten kind of like cues and stuff.
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  I just got to miss so being completely open transparent and
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  honest about everything is going to give you great results and
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  it's going to help you to no end.
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  Okay. So number three is a personal
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  favorite of mine and I love doing this.
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  This is keeping on track of special event.
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  So if you've done something like you had a birthday or you are a
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  birthday party whatever then taking pictures at that time or
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  whatever the event is and then remembering about it, like
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  writing it down keeping kind of like a journal on it to then
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  talk about again so that if it comes up again you be like, I
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  remember that they enjoyed this at that time and that worked
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  really well. So then I can go forward in the
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  future and if it becomes a birthday or something else or
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  they want to go somewhere. I remember that they enjoyed
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  this specific time because it was special right keeping a
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  relationship romantic and keeping that communication open
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  with your loved one. It can be super stressful.
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  If you're on the autism spectrum and you don't really understand
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  all these social norms. So what I do is I have like a
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  calendar on my iPad that has like all the special events like
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  Valentine's Day and like birthdays and stuff like that
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  and like Christmastime and whatever all like the holidays
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  and stuff where you are compelled to do these things
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  that I usually forget about because it's not actively on my
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  mind because like it's just something that my short-term
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  memory is rubbish apart account like remember to do things.
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  So I have to write them down and do them a bit later.
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  Now what this does is it gives you the ability to Ooh, then
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  plan ahead for these events that you don't forget and you can
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  make that effort because you've already known about it.
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  One of the things I used to slip into is I'd forget these events
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  going to be so busy with my work and whatever else and I forget
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  these events and I'm like, oh my goodness.
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  No one because I don't love my partner.
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  I just want to share some love or do anything like that was
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  because I just simply don't have the capacity to remember to do
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  those things. So I have to write them down.
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  So keep track of special event birthdays and all that kind of
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  jazz because it's definitely going to benefit you in the long
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  run.