Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #843 This Week in Parenting: Egg Cracks & Lip Smacks

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#843 This Week in Parenting: Egg Cracks & Lip Smacks · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 3: The time poor parent who just answers.
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  Speaker 4: Now.
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  Speaker 2: Of all the episodes on the Happy Families podcast that
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  Speaker 2: we do, my favorite one is this one.
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  Speaker 1: It's this Week in Parenting?
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  Speaker 2: Did you like that?
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  Speaker 1: This Week in Parenting?
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  Speaker 2: I can I do it? Bigger Jr. I need your
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  Speaker 2: help with this. Are you ready?
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  Speaker 1: This Week in Parenting?
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  Speaker 2: No, that doesn't sound right. Deeper this Week in Parenting?
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  Speaker 2: How about that? That sounded very triple lamb? Didn't it very
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  Speaker 2: triple lamp this weekend? Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, can you do it?
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  Speaker 2: No, We're just gonna get on with the podcast. We've
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  Speaker 2: got two big stories to talk about this week in parenting.
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  Speaker 2: The first one is the egg crack challenge. The second
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  Speaker 2: one is Spain soccer and kisses on the lips and
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  Speaker 2: being thrown over your shoulders and having you bumparaded in
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  Speaker 2: the air. Which one should we start with? Missus Happy Families.
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  Speaker 3: Let's start with the egg challenge.
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  Speaker 4: If you spent any time on social media recently, you've
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  Speaker 4: likely seen the egg crack challenge. Sounds like some kind
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  Speaker 4: of contest, but it's actually a prank. It's viral on
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  Speaker 4: TikTok because it has the element of surprise, and of
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  Speaker 4: course it's something you can try on your own kids.
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  Speaker 1: But is it all.
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  Speaker 4: Harmless entertainment or is it abusive to your child?
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  Speaker 2: What is it with stupid quote unquote challenges on social media?
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  Speaker 2: This one parents get their unsuspecting toddlers, they're two year olds,
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  Speaker 2: they're three year olds, and they say, hey, let's bake
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  Speaker 2: a cake. And so as the toddler's standing on a
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  Speaker 2: stool and they're getting all the ingredients out, the parents
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  Speaker 2: pick up the egg that's going to go into the cake,
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  Speaker 2: and instead of tapping it on the bench to crack
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  Speaker 2: the egg, they wack it on their child's forehead and
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  Speaker 2: then drop the egg into the bowl to mix it up.
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  Speaker 2: And some of the toddlers laugh their heads off like
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  Speaker 2: they're like, what did you just do? The shock of it,
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  Speaker 2: and they see the smile on their parents' face and
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  Speaker 2: they crack up. It's very very funny from that point
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  Speaker 2: of view if it works well, But the.
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  Speaker 3: Over the ones I've seen, the toddler's actually literally sitting
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  Speaker 3: there boiling their eyes out with their parents laughing at them.
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  Speaker 2: The overwhelming majority of them respond really really badly name.
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  Speaker 2: According to Kelly Scott at the ABC, she's got an
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  Speaker 2: everyday article published at ABC dot net dot au every
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  Speaker 2: day a child development expert on the egg cracking challenge.
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  Speaker 2: But before we talk about that expert, which is really
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  Speaker 2: really interesting, this is the history of it. The challenge
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  Speaker 2: apparently started between a married couple who have a history
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  Speaker 2: of pranking each other and posting the video.
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  Speaker 3: So I've seen that. I've seen that.
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  Speaker 2: Video, and so the critical thing here is they implicitly
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  Speaker 2: have a consensual relationship where they prank each other. It's
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  Speaker 2: who they are and it's what they do. But even
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  Speaker 2: when you've got that knowledge, you can still get upset
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  Speaker 2: by a prank. Right, we're bringing in toddlers with no
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  Speaker 2: consent and whacking them over the head and with an egg,
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  Speaker 2: which hurts. I just don't think that it's a fair
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  Speaker 2: thing to be doing so anyway. Doctor Kristen Summer is
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  Speaker 2: a developmental psychologist. She's from the Gold Coast and she
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  Speaker 2: has a PhD in child development and she posts a
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  Speaker 2: whole lot of stuff on TikTok. She's got hundreds of
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  Speaker 2: thousands of followers on TikTok, and she decided to try
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  Speaker 2: the egg crack challenge with her toddler. Doctor Kristen Summer
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  Speaker 2: is an autistic mum and very very good at what
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  Speaker 2: she does. And I want you to have a listen
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  Speaker 2: to what happens here.
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  Speaker 5: Don't crack an egg on your forehead?
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  Speaker 3: No, do you want to crack an egg on my forehead?
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  Speaker 4: Okay?
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  Speaker 1: Are here?
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  Speaker 2: So the top was crack it on my head? So big?
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  Speaker 1: Great? You have to try.
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  Speaker 2: You've got to whack it pretty hard.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, not hard enough dragging?
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  Speaker 5: Oh, it's so hard.
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  Speaker 3: You can knock it on there instead.
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  Speaker 2: Good job. Now you have to open it and put
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  Speaker 2: the egg inside. And so Kristen goes through this process
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  Speaker 2: with the daughter and she does it so well. She's like, hey,
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  Speaker 2: let's try it. Would you like me to crack the
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  Speaker 2: egg on your head? And her daughter says no, And
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  Speaker 2: guess what Kristen does. She says, Okay, why don't you
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  Speaker 2: try it on my head instead? And then she gets
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  Speaker 2: to have empathy because she's like, that really hurt.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: I did reach out to Kristen and ask if she
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  Speaker 2: could join us on the podcast, but unfortunately, at the
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  Speaker 2: time that we've recorded this, I hadn't heard back from her.
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  Speaker 2: But I think there's a couple of really important things
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  Speaker 2: that we need to discuss. What questions it raise for you.
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  Speaker 3: The thing that I struggle with with these kinds of
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  Speaker 3: challenges is that our kids look to us to be
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  Speaker 3: the source of all things good in their.
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  Speaker 2: Lives and a source of safety.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and to kind of blindside our two year old
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  Speaker 3: in an effort to have a bit of a laugh,
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  Speaker 3: because that's what it comes down to, right, We're actually
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  Speaker 3: just waiting to see what their response is so we
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  Speaker 3: can have a good laugh about it and.
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  Speaker 2: Then post it on social media and go a whole
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  Speaker 2: lot of likes. So I'm I don't want to be
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  Speaker 2: like a wowser and a kill joy, but I'm really
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  Speaker 2: really firmly opposed to this kind of prank because of
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  Speaker 2: the non consensual aspect, because of the pain aspect when.
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  Speaker 3: I was my fifteen year old that's another story.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe have some fun, but I still think you want
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  Speaker 2: to just check in, Hey, do you want to do
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  Speaker 2: a fun challenge. I'm not going to tell you what
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  Speaker 2: it is, but are you okay with it? Let's go
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  Speaker 2: and bake a cake and we'll find out as we go.
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  Speaker 2: Like when you're older, you get it, and if you've
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  Speaker 2: got that relationship with there's that implicit trust, you can
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  Speaker 2: do this. I was asked on Channel nine by the
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  Speaker 2: Today hosts, is there going to be any long term
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  Speaker 2: ramifications here? And I don't think that there is, like
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  Speaker 2: a single instance of a parent doing something that's non
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  Speaker 2: consensual and even a little bit unkind. It's probably going
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  Speaker 2: to be rushed off. I don't think there's going to
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  Speaker 2: be any erosion of trust because the relationship is built
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  Speaker 2: on goodness, right, So one drop of ugly in a great,
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  Speaker 2: big pond of beauty, no one's going to notice that,
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  Speaker 2: if that makes sense. But if it's part of an
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  Speaker 2: ongoing pattern where we keep on drip drip drip drip
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  Speaker 2: dripping in these incidences of mistrust, these incidents of lacking
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  Speaker 2: any consideration, empathy or checking in with consent over time,
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  Speaker 2: that could absolutely create some problems. Now, I guess there
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  Speaker 2: might be some short term distress, but we can overcome
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  Speaker 2: that with a big harg and make it all better.
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  Speaker 2: I guess if I was to sum up this whole
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  Speaker 2: egg crack challenge, it would be what are you doing?
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  Speaker 3: Be kind?
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  Speaker 2: Just be kind?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't remember details, but I have some
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  Speaker 3: vivid memories of just being in spaces where adults were
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  Speaker 3: laughing at me. I'd done something, you know, kind of silly,
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  Speaker 3: and the whole room erupted and I just felt like
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  Speaker 3: so self conscious because of what I'd done. And this
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  Speaker 3: is the same kind of thing. Right, We've created a
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  Speaker 3: situation and we're now laughing out of child who's actually
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  Speaker 3: done nothing. They've just reacted, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: To to them non consensually.
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  Speaker 3: That's right, And yeah, I just think we need to
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  Speaker 3: be careful.
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  Speaker 2: So if you have done this with your kids, you
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  Speaker 2: know what, I'm throwing a bit of shade your way.
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  Speaker 2: I actually am. Don't do it again, say sorry, make
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  Speaker 2: it up. I'm sure that if you're listening to this podcast,
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  Speaker 2: you're not the kind of person who would do that regularly,
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  Speaker 2: or if you are, you're in a relationship where because
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  Speaker 2: you do it regularly, you both prank each other. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: I saw something recently on social media where there's this
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  Speaker 2: kid and his dad and they are constantly pranking each other,
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  Speaker 2: like I'm talking a hose in the car, spraying dad
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  Speaker 2: with the hoses he's driving out the driveway and sponges
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  Speaker 2: in the face and that kind of thing like this
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  Speaker 2: is clearly what their relationship is built on. Pranks and
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  Speaker 2: humiliation and non consensual beating each other up for social
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  Speaker 2: media kicks and gills, and it works for them. I
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  Speaker 2: personally don't like it, but I'm not going to tell
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  Speaker 2: them to stop, because they've built the relationship around that
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  Speaker 2: and it seems to be actually quite fun and quite
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  Speaker 2: bonding for them. But as a general rule, I just
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  Speaker 2: don't think that that's what relationships work best on. Relationships
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  Speaker 2: work best on trust and involvement and connection, seeing and
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  Speaker 2: hearing and valuing the other person. Whacking eggs on people's
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  Speaker 2: foreheads doesn't tend to promote that kind of relationship.
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  Speaker 3: So I shouldn't do that to you tonight, not until
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  Speaker 3: you check first.
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  Speaker 2: I'd actually be up for it if you checked and
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  Speaker 2: we could record it. I think it would still be
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  Speaker 2: funny even if it was unexpected, because you know you're
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  Speaker 2: going to get a reaction out of me. When it
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  Speaker 2: hurts and we get egg all over our faces. You
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  Speaker 2: should be prepared for an eck coming your ways.
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  Speaker 3: Number two, you've primed us.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So the second story is all about what's happened
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  Speaker 2: with the Women's World Cup at the end of Spain's
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  Speaker 2: victory when they're lining up and getting their medals and
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  Speaker 2: just absolutely nailing it. Lewis, I don't speak Spanish, so
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  Speaker 2: please forgive me for my massacring of the pronunciation. Lewis
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  Speaker 2: Rubialis has made headlines when he gave Spanish footballer Homosa
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  Speaker 2: an unwanted kiss on the lips after her team won
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  Speaker 2: the fee for Women's World Cup.
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  Speaker 5: The president of the Spanish Football Federation has been slummed
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  Speaker 5: for this. Luis Rubilla's kissed World Cup winner Jenny Homoso
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  Speaker 5: on the lips during the medal ceremony. She said afterwards
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  Speaker 5: she did not enjoy that, but Rubilla's rejected suggestions it
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  Speaker 5: was inappropriate.
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  Speaker 2: Now this has been blowing up for a couple of weeks.
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  Speaker 2: It's big, big news.
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  Speaker 3: Now, this has been all over my social pages.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so where do you want to go with this?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, this is probably continuing in the consent conversation,
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  Speaker 2: if anything.
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  Speaker 3: I think so we can go down a big black hole,
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  Speaker 3: because there is a lot of things that come out
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  Speaker 3: of the things that we've read, but I think that
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  Speaker 3: consent has to be at the top of the list
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  Speaker 3: of things that we could talk about.
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  Speaker 2: As parents, women's sport over the years has really been derogated.
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  Speaker 2: It certainly has not been elevated even close to where
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  Speaker 2: the men's games are, regardless of cycling or soccer or
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  Speaker 2: I don't care, which I.
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  Speaker 3: Don't understand though, I don't know stand why we've belittled
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  Speaker 3: women in this arena.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to play a clip for you here
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  Speaker 2: where Serena Williams is talking to David Letterman about what
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: would happen if she took on Andy Murray on the
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  Speaker 2: tennis court.
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  Speaker 5: I'm like, if I were to play Andy Murray, I
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  Speaker 5: would lose six soho, six to soho in five to
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  Speaker 5: six minutes, maybe ten minutes.
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  Speaker 3: This isn't about her competing against him.
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  Speaker 2: That's exactly right, That's exactly the point that needs to be.
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  Speaker 3: Why can't we enjoy women's sport? Yes, for the very
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  Speaker 3: fact that they enjoy it and.
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  Speaker 2: We sported it exactly.
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  Speaker 3: It's not a competition against men.
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  Speaker 2: So a lot of people will say, well, the game
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  Speaker 2: is not as exciting because the men they they're faster,
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  Speaker 2: or they're stronger, or they hit with more power or
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: they depending on what sport you're talking about. But you
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  Speaker 2: know what, in the Women's World Cup that ball was
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: being kicked by women as hard as men kick it.
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  Speaker 2: In fact, I can't remember what the stat was, but
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  Speaker 2: I heard her on the podcast the fastest kick in
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  Speaker 2: the World Cup was something like one hundred and twelve
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  Speaker 2: kilometers an hour off the boot, which was the fastest
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  Speaker 2: this year, including against the men's game. Women play sport powerfully.
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  Speaker 3: But again I don't This just doesn't make sense to me.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not watching a women's game wondering why they can't
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  Speaker 3: play like a man. I'm watching a women's game based
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  Speaker 3: on their.
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  Speaker 2: Merit and to watch them play at the top of
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  Speaker 2: their game.
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  Speaker 3: So why are we competing?
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  Speaker 2: We've moved away from the consent as a conversation, but
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  Speaker 2: I think part of the reason that we see there
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  Speaker 2: are a number of reasons that we see so many
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  Speaker 2: kids drop out of sports, so many girls drop out
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  Speaker 2: of sport.
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  Speaker 3: Start this research with me, and it's staggering how many
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  Speaker 3: girls actually start off on the continuum of enjoying sports
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  Speaker 3: only to find themselves falling away around about early teen.
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  Speaker 2: Years, around about twelve thirty and fourteen. So they're a
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  Speaker 2: handful of things. Number One, I think I've got a
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  Speaker 2: friend who's really anti the whole. If you can't see it,
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  Speaker 2: you can't be it. He's basically saying, actually, people can
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  Speaker 2: be whatever they want, and stop using that as an excuse.
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  Speaker 2: I think he's wrong. When you see somebody showing you
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: that there is a path, when they are representing you,
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  Speaker 2: there's something profoundly powerful about that. And as girls see
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: more women succeeding in sport and making careers, actually making
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: a goal of it, and many of these women are
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: doing it as well as having babies right like, they're
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: actually in families and they're raising kids while they're doing it.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I'm watching my sister who is a world class dancer
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: and she has child, but she's traveling the world in
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: incredible dancing performances and doing that. And when girls see
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: women representing femininity at the highest level and playing those sports,
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: that gives them the belief that they should stick at
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  Speaker 2: it because they can do it as well. Up until now,
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  Speaker 2: there's just been such little representation. I think that's part
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  Speaker 2: of it. But you know something else that I came
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: across from this Train Sports commission about why girls are
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: dropping out of sport other than the sexual abuse and
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: the non consensual stuff that's going on, the kisses on
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  Speaker 2: the lips or the pats on the bum that are
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: not warranted, not requested, not wanted, just the inappropriate touching.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: It's this not in directly here quote. Research tells us
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: girls start to drop out of sport at an alarming
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: rate when they're in their twelve to fourteen year age group.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: It shows also that the main reason for young girls
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  Speaker 2: abandoning sporting activities is to do with their poor self
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  Speaker 2: image at a delicate stage of their transition into adulthood.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Restrictive clothing such as short, revealing skirts or heavy, unwieldy
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  Speaker 2: school uniforms have been cited as reasons for girl's unwillingness
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  Speaker 2: to take the sports fields in lunch breaks. I remember
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: just recently the Norwegian handball team in twenty twenty one
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: were fined because they wanted to wear shorts instead of
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: the traditional bikini bottoms. Like, we have got a consent
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: issue in women's sport, and the Spanish soccer issue has
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: raised that and put it front and center. And by
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: the way, this is not a first time offense, right, Like,
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: this sort of stuff is endemic in women's sport. But
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: we've also got a body image issue where we expect
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: that the girls are going to dress as sexual objects
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: and look a certain way because of those archaic arguments
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: that well, it's not going to be as fun to
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: watch the game, and so the sexism comes out. Well,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I guess we should just make sure they look pretty instead.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: I've unfortunately read and heard that argument more time than
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I can count, and in twenty twenty three, I think
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: that this Spanish sports saga is blowing the lid off
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: these problems and putting them front and center. I reckon
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: this is a great thing to talk about with our kids.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: It's devastating that it's happened, but the fact that it
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: is creating the stir that it is in society is hopeful.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: It's optimistic in that we're recognizing and seeing that this
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: is not okay.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: This week in parenting. We hope that you've enjoyed the conversation.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I've loved chatting about this stuff. The Happy Familis podcast
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: is our executive producer. For more on making your family happier,
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: you can visit it at happy families dot com dot au.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Don't forget just a few days now until the smells
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