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What It Means To Do Your Best · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Unknown: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential. Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health. If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens.
• 0:58
  Welcome to the think it be it the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield. Hey, and I'm John Michell. So Kelly, let's talk about this idea of just doing your best. What do you think about the idea of doing your best? What does that mean to you?
• 1:17
  You know, for me, I know, we've touched on this a little bit before, but for me, it really is about showing up being very, very clear about who the best how the best of me shows up in the world. And showing up, you know, more and more as that individual, you know, sir, for example, you know, for me, if I were to think it would be, you know, I always do what's right, you know, that's one of my you know, so having integrity in how I go through this world being generous, you know, being kind, you know, and, you know, and then also to, I'm very clear about what I'm driving towards, you know, being and what that identity is, so the more I am aligned with that identity and showing up as that version of myself, to me that's doing my best, you know, if that makes sense. Yeah, that, you know, that makes a lot of sense. You know, I've, I've often thought, especially lately that the power of think it be it for me is sure I want to, I want to help other people, but at the end of the day, it's how I be the best version of myself and I relate this largely to
• 2:33
  my relationship with ginger. And, and I want to be the best version of me for her because she has to put up with whatever version is coming out. And so
• 2:46
  I want, I want to be the best version for her, but also, in a larger way, want to be the best version
• 2:55
  for everybody else, and the best version of just just knowing I'm on the best version of me for my own inner satisfaction.
• 3:05
  But, you know, it's funny, when, when I was 40.
• 3:10
  And I was frustrated that I went further along, I'm like, Well, you know, all I can do is do my best. And, and so and that gave me some level of comfort. That's what I focused on. And, and, and I really I'm my definition of doing my best was just making the effort, which which to me meant getting up at probably 530 In the morning, but is a very
• 3:38
  enlightened understanding of, of what doing your your best is. And then when I got in my 50s,
• 3:47
  I saw that my best had expanded or the definition of my best the expanded to include really three things, the effort I was putting forth, focus on what moves the needle, and consistently growing every week and in an area that was strategic relative to what I wanted to accomplish. And so
• 4:12
  that's what I understood, doing my best in, in my 50s was and to break that down just a little further.
• 4:24
  So effort was was still pretty clear, you know, get up early and get going.
• 4:30
  But focus on on what moves the needle changed, because when I had
• 4:38
  a company of 175 people, and we were doing, you know, 25 million in sales. There's a lot going on, but I saw that very little moves the needle 99% of the stuff going on. I did not move the needle and why don't I just figure out what does move the needle and
• 5:00
  then focus on that and own that, whatever that might be.
• 5:05
  I know you can relate to that. Right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I think for me too, moving, the things that,
• 5:13
  that move the needle. And also like, one of the things that I've recognized if we're in that doing your best kind of category is what I call it, you know, and it's in the book, The Big Leap, I think it is, that's the right where it, they use the term your zone of genius, right more time that I can spend in my zone of genius, working on the things that move the needle, related to the talents that I bring to my company, the quicker things grow, the things move, and so, you know, aligned again, with the things that we're focusing on what moves the needle, you know, I think that's how I relate to it. But think about this, what what might be your zone of genius, and what moves the needle may not be the same thing?
• 6:03
  Right?
• 6:05
  It happens to be in my business. But yeah, tell us about that. What Yeah, I think for so for me, the zone of genius, is my ability to connect with people. And, and that's on every level that's with my team, ya know, that's with our clients, it's how I built the business to begin with, was my ability to connect with people to build networks, you know, long standing relationships, right. And then over time, through that skill set, we talk about this a lot, leveraging, you know, that talent, so that I'm not just having a conversation with somebody about one thing, they're, you know, you're getting to know and learn and understand what value can I bring to them? How can I help them? How can I and that's how my business has grown, year over year has been through that connection to people and then me being able to teach that, to the team members that are have follow are following up behind me that I brought in under my wing, and I'm have helped build the companies have been able to teach them that, you know, in hire for that talent. Yeah, I can see that I can see that, you know, when I was in the reverse mortgage business,
• 7:21
  what I saw move the needle was marketing. And, you know, we would send out literally, like, eight to 9 million pieces of direct mail a year. And, and I, I know that, for some reason, direct mail seem to be the magic bullet in the reverse mortgage business, certainly for me, but but in general, I think it was. And I had
• 7:48
  what I called my marketing co pilot, and we were always
• 7:54
  working on a new test and that type of thing. And I saw that that is what moved the needle. And that was not really my my zone of genius, but it damn sure was what moved the needle. And I see that sometimes as, as our audience thinks about this idea of, of focusing on what moves the needle, you got to really think deep about your business, just like I can see. So clearly what you just said, Kelly, about your zone of genius. And that's, that's right, and how that plays out with, with employees, but also with
• 8:35
  customers. And so
• 8:38
  that would be my, my advice to people is really take some time and figure out what moves the needle and step back from your business, because it's entirely possible that you're spending a lot of time on stuff that doesn't move the needle. And that's why I continue to lead moving. Yep, absolutely.
• 9:00
  You know, the other thing, like I said, in my 50s, I, I added a third one, which is to grow intellectually, and make it be both consistent, and strategic and inconsistent in terms of it had happened every week. And, and strategic relative to what I wanted to accomplish. And, and so I created a system where the personal growth was audio. And it was typically one to two hours of content every week, but it was, you know, it was on marketing. It was on employee empowerment, it was on efficiency. You know, it was you know, so it was really great stuff and I and what a difference that may because when I was in my 30s and 40s I didn't have time for personal growth. And at 50 I realized there's part of your problem right there. You know you're not growing you're
• 10:00
  You know, and I really came to realize in my 50s, that you don't have to be the smartest guy in the in the room, you just got to be a conduit of learning. And so few people are really growing when, when you look at it, they they tell you, they're growing. But you know, like I said before, they're listening to Joe Rogan, they're not really growing, they're entertaining themselves.
• 10:27
  And so
• 10:29
  and, you know, the other thing that sort of has evolved, that's really interesting. And this just evolved in the last two months is I've added two more things to the other three I just mentioned, the fourth one was tuning into reality really looking at what am I doing? And and how am I trying to, you know, create a difference in the world? And is it aligned with reality? Is it you know, am I going after the right people? That type of thing is my message? Right?
• 11:05
  That was big. And the other one, the fifth one is just being self aware. And I see how powerful that is, because a lot of times, we're not self aware, you agree with that? Oh, yeah. 100%. You know, and I think that your ability to be self aware, which to me requires that you set an ego aside. Right? You know, what I mean? It's hard to be self aware, when you're pretty sure you're always right. Yeah, right.
• 11:36
  You know, but I do, I want to back up on a couple of things here real quick. And so on this topic of growth, and growing on a regular basis, there's another angle that I want everybody to think about, related to, to growth and to learning and to, you know, again, you said relative to whatever it is they're doing, we're talking about business right now, it could be about your health, it could be about relationships, it could be about the areas of your life that you want to improve in, you know, and grow in. And there's also another reason why it's so important to be doing this. And I am not going to cite this correctly. So I'm just gonna say, This isn't my idea that I'm espousing right now, this is somebody else's idea that you are kind of the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. So think about the people in your life, you know, and so if you're looking to level up, or if you're looking to have a great relationship, and all of your girlfriends don't have great relationships, or you said, the power of bringing mentors from afar into your world, so that you can start spending time with people outside of kind of that circle of influence that you currently have, and be bringing in new ideas and new, because again, you you energy, it's all an exchange of energy. So if you're with people in your life, who, you know, are sleepwalking through life, and you know, it's, it's likely that you're going to be doing kind of a similar type of thing. Or if you're hanging out with people who are in bad relationships, you know, then it's easy to kind of start to take on some of that or whatever they healthwise, you know, if you're hanging out with a bunch of people who are super healthy, it's more than likely, you're going to begin to become more and more healthy, and then the reverse is true. So that's why I think it's important that if you can't build that group around you, that is headed in the direction that you want to go, that you're bringing in these influences from outside of your world, so that you can enrich the world that you're in until you begin to add in new
• 13:45
  new people into your physical life. You do this virtually through learning. And so I think that that's an important point, too, with what we're talking about. You know, I completely agree with that. But But I have found in my life, that has not been true, is surprisingly,
• 14:03
  because
• 14:06
  my closest friends were people that made me laugh, you know? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's how I would evaluate my friends to a large degree and, and, you know, when I was single, you know, you're meeting people.
• 14:23
  And, you know, when you're married, you're not meeting quite as many people but, but
• 14:29
  I just think back to my closest friends, and,
• 14:35
  and they weren't high achievers.
• 14:38
  They damn sure made me laugh, but they weren't high achievers. And then,
• 14:43
  you know, like today, one of my closest friends I talked to embed every day is a former Chancellor and President at the University of Texas Bill Cunningham, who, who you've met, and of course, he's a player. Bill not only ran the university tech
• 15:00
  For 15 years, but he also is a lay director of Southwest Airlines and, and the Chairman of the Board of Lincoln Financial and so he's a he's a player, and but he, you know, he and I, we have this sense of humor thing. And, and so I share that, because I agree that who you surround you with yourself will be a big factor in who you become, and you should surround yourself with, with the right people. But I, at least for me, it was, it was hard for me to do that. And, and I, I was able to
• 15:45
  change myself, myself without, you know, I was learning all the time, because I became a conduit of learning through the system I created. And so I was getting all that stimulation from, from what I was hearing, rather than through my friendships. Well, yeah, that's exactly my point is you get that. So you feel like I know, you know, Darren Hardy, but before you knew Darren Hardy, personally, you were listening to all of his CDs from success. And you felt like you knew him, he was coming into your world and expanding your world with this knowledge about, you know, and bringing guests and who were doing the same. Expand your world by bringing in that, you know, versus inside this closed circle of, you know, friends that you have, you know, we're great, you should have those. But if you're looking to do big things, if you're looking to change habits, if you're looking, you can't do the same things and expect to get the same result, you know, to get a different result. It doesn't work that way. You know, I tell you something I've been thinking about lately.
• 16:50
  It's, it's this idea that, you know, your success comes down to the actions you take. Right. And
• 17:01
  I was reading not too long ago, in a book I read, called,
• 17:06
  thoughts are things and basically he says that there's sort of a three step process, you have a thought, then you have to take an action. And that turns into a thing. And he was talking about how, in the human brain,
• 17:24
  there's a particular place where we're,
• 17:29
  you decide on actions, and and the the process that you go through is always the comparison of what's the effort required? And what's the benefit to be derived. And so sore is sort of that, that scale of
• 17:48
  benefit versus effort. And one of the things I see is that everybody is just a function of their genetics, and what has come into their consciousness, you know, so, you know, that's who we are, you know, our pure genetics and what's coming in our consciousness, and I see that to be successful,
• 18:16
  you're going to have to be optimistic, because, and I see with people there, there on the scale, some are very optimistic, some are very pessimistic. Well, how that plays out. And what I just said is if a person is not optimistic, when it's coming down to make decisions on actions, if they are, if they can't see the benefit,
• 18:42
  then they're not going to take the action. And and I see that I am totally optimistic. I mean, you know, a couple my friends say, I'm overly optimistic. Well, you know, baby, so but I'd sure rather be that than the opposite. And the other side of the coin, now, it genetically, people are along the spectrum with regards to being lazy, some are really lazy, and some are not lazy at all. And again, that factors into the equation of taking actions if you're really lazy, almost no action is worth it. And so the effect of all that, I think, is you got to think about yourself and go, am I optimistic? Am I lazy? You know, where I am? Where am I on that, that spectrum? Because those two factors will determine how many actions you're willing to take. And those actions determine your success. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah, that totally makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, as as you sort of think about your life, I think it's so valuable. I know, we you and I both do this, this technique of setting aside time to time
• 20:00
  I'm so weak to deep think. And so as you're, as you're
• 20:06
  contemplating doing your best, that's a great place to, to pose that question is, is, am I doing my best? And those singing sessions give you a perspective in your life that is so valuable. It's not it's almost like you're a consultant to your own life. And so, yeah, no, I love that. And you know, and I love to, again, I this is I'm repeating something somebody else has said, but the quality of the of your questions determines the quality of your life, the quality of your questions, determines your thoughts, your thoughts are directly related to the questions you ask yourself, right? You know, if you say, Oh, why does everything always happen to me? Okay, that's a question. Instead of saying, Well, okay, why? Why is it? Or how is it that I'm going through this? And what am I supposed to learn? Yeah, that's a very, very different. So when you're doing talking, pessimistic? Optimistic, you're saying, there's a challenge you're going through, but the way you're framing it, you know, this way? Why does this always happen to me? Versus okay, why is this happening? What am I supposed to learn? Those are very different. They're questions you're asking yourself, but they're, they're asked in a very different way, and received very differently and your brain any question you ask yourself, your brain will go to work on finding the problem, finding the solution to it. So if you say A, Why does this always happen to me, your brain is going to start coming up with all those old stories. Well, it's because you're not good enough. And it's because your whatever, what am I supposed to learn? Why is this happening? What am I supposed to learn? Your brain will be like, Well, remember, you know, I tried to teach you this lesson a couple of times.
• 21:52
  You weren't listening, you just haven't got it yet. So here it is, again, I'm presenting it again to you. Let me work with you one more time.
• 22:03
  But you get where I'm going with? Now, you know, it's those quality of questions. So when you're sitting down with your thinking tablet, and you're asking yourself, you know, how does, you know? What does doing my best look like? Or mean to me, you know, that gets your brain going to work on that question to come up with, you know, some good stuff around that whole topic? Well, you know, it's, it's interesting, and I don't want this to sound arrogant at all, because I just want to give somebody a, I mean, this has been profound for for me, you know, when I look myself in the mirror, now, I'm like, You created this, you created this life, you've have, you created heaven, the marriage, you have you, you've created the wealth that you've had, you created it. And, and, and it makes me me proud. And I remember when I was 50, look in the mirror, and I'm, and I'm not as successful as I thought I should be. I'm like, You created this, you, you have not found a wife, a partner, you do not have the financial wealth and the freedom you want? Well, you created it. And and so it's nobody else's fault. It's yours, you're going to have to up your game, and that sort of tough love at 50. Now, I look back and see that
• 23:29
  how wonderful, it all played out? Well, it goes back to your whole you mentioned self awareness. Yeah, yeah. And part of self awareness is accountability, you know, and being able to be 100% accountable. And maybe yeah, there was some circumstances that led to certain things, but those didn't, those don't matter, you made choices, every choice, you may lead lead you to where you're at, right today, while you look in the mirror, you know, and so that's, you've got to reconcile with that and then start, you know, good, bad or otherwise, whether you're thrilled with where you're at today, and how you're living your life, or maybe you are in five areas, but in one you're like, you know, what I need to work on or whatever the wherever you're at today is a result of the choices. It's a result of the thoughts, right? The quality of the questions, you're asking yourself, you know, all of those things that we're talking about here today, right? Well, you know, at the at the late end to our podcast, we talked about the one thing once we learned that our lives were never the same. And you know, every once awhile I like to share again what that is. Well, we discovered that
• 24:42
  we don't control our daily actions, we only control our intentions, and 95% of our daily actions are unconscious. Therefore, to to have a successful life. You got to gain control of those daily actions so that the right actions happen automatically.
• 25:00
  Well, that's that, Lauren in that it that it took me all of what 20 seconds to say, changed both of our lives. And I see that this idea of doing your best. The way I apply this today, using our 12 minute day technique is I articulate in my life GPS template, what doing my best is I talked about the five things, its effort, its focus on what moves the needle, it's growing consistently, every week is tuning in reality, and it's being self aware. And you know, from simply feeding that to myself every day, I live that and it happens automatically. And and so Kelly, how would you on a, on a lighter version? How would you apply this? Well, I would start with
• 25:56
  one, I would start with one thing. So for me, so with with, if I know that my zone of genius is connecting with people, then the one thing for me is to be present.
• 26:08
  So that yeah, the people I'm connecting with, I am connecting there the only person I don't have any devices on, I'm not thinking about the next thing. I'm not thinking about what just happened, I'm locked in to whoever it is that I'm connecting with. And then being present for me to is in this moment. We talk about this a lot, John, this is all we've got. This is all we're promised, right now, you know, and so I'm focused on being present so that I can appreciate my husband so that I can appreciate my team members and these people I'm making this connection with, because I do want to be able to say at the end of the day, do I like how I showed up today, like it? Was it? If this if this was it? If I didn't get tomorrow, would I be happy with how I showed up today? Like that's the that's again, the quality of the question I'm asking myself in the evening, but I'm just starting with one phrase be present, right with that in my phone, put it on my mirror in my bed in my bathroom. As as you know, I'd have come up as a reminder, I'd maybe put it even inside my calendar appointments, right? As a reminder, be present. How do you want to show up in this meeting, I'm going to be locked in on the person I'm connecting with. So it can start out with just that small thing. And then you can begin to layer you've got five things right now that you're you know, reminding yourself of every day, right? As an entry point to this method. I'd start with one thing that's going to move the needle the most for you. For me, it's being present. Yeah, yeah. I love that. That is that is powerful. Well, this is this has been a delight. Good conversation. We are pretty delightful. I know. The more I think about it, the more I see that.
• 27:55
  I'm not sure anybody else would agree but but hey.
• 28:00
  Okay, until next time, we'll see you.
• 28:04
  Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life