Latest / Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence / What Are Barriers for Congruence in Play Therapy?

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What Are Barriers for Congruence in Play Therapy? · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

0:01
Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
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We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
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I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
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So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families.
0:43
Hey there, morning.
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Good morning.
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Today, I want to talk about The topic of congruence, I talked about this topic a couple of weeks ago and I talked in that, in that live stream episode, I talked about what is congruence and I went over a model that was developed by three plate therapists and talked about their model a little bit to learn how to be congruent in sessions.
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This week's episode I want to talk about what gets in the way of developing congruence with your clients in sessions because it can be hard and the whole idea of congruence in sessions with your clients sounds amazing and it is amazing when we're able to get to that state of being congruent in sessions with clients and It can be challenging, especially in the beginning when you feel like you don't know what you're doing because you're just learning play therapy and so Developing congruence in sessions can feel like a daunting task for play therapists.
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So that's what I want to talk about today.
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What are barriers to developing or to being congruent in sessions with your clients?
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I'll give just a kind of a brief overview of congruence.
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I don't want to go into it too much because I covered that.
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in a previous live stream episode two weeks ago.
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Last week, if you missed last week's live stream episode, I had a guest, a really amazing guest.
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If you are a play therapist and I would highly recommend, even if you're a child and adolescent therapist, I would highly recommend watching that episode to learn a little bit more about.
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Child Nexus, which is a program started by Dr.
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Karen Wilson, who is a clinical psychologist.
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As a child and adolescent therapist of 30 years, I would have loved to have had a community like this to refer parents to.
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Or even when I was brand new in child and adolescent therapy, probably would have been a good.
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resource for me to learn about some of the other things that might be going on with my clients.
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So the last two episodes were really good.
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Make sure you check those out.
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This week, I want to talk about barriers to congruence.
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So let's get started.
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If you're, I'd love to know who's here.
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So for those of you watching live, please feel free to post your name in the comments.
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Where you're from, what population you work with, are you using Play Therapy?
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What model are you using in plate therapy?
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I would love to know who's here.
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So I'm Kathy Spooner.
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I'm a licensed clinical social worker and a registered plate therapist supervisor here in the United States.
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And I have been in the mental health field working with children, adolescents and families for the last 30 years.
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And so a lot of what this live stream episode.
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live stream episodes are about is really taking my 30 years of experience and helping the next generation of play therapists kind of find your way and sharing my knowledge with you about that.
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I'm going to talk a little bit at the end about, uh, my play therapy academy.
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If you're interested in that, um, probably want to hang out till the end so you can.
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Learn how to use Play Therapy effectively and confidently in that, you know, I share these live streams every week, uh, and it's really hard to take the information and apply it client by client in real time.
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So Play Therapy Academy is a way to provide that support to help you learn how to take what you're learning in trainings.
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And even my live stream episodes and podcasts and implement that in real time with your clients.
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So you develop the skills to help you feel confident that you can get the.
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for your clients and feel confident that you're able to help your clients overcome whatever challenges they're experiencing.
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So I go live every week on my YouTube channel and in my Facebook group, playing expressive arts therapy playground.
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If you're interested in that it's for child and adolescent therapists who are using.
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arts with your young clients.
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Hop over to, and if you're on Facebook, hop on over there and join my group.
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You do have to answer all of the questions though, in order to get admitted.
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And then I also live stream into my LinkedIn channel and then.
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Simultaneously, I live stream into my Instagram channel.
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So first of all, for for today, basically congruence is getting to that state of being in the play therapy sessions.
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where your internal emotions and experiences line up with your external expression and your ability to be in that state of congruence within yourself.
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And then also your ability to maintain a state of congruence with your clients in the session.
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And Providing that free and protected space, so to speak, and play therapy where you are maintaining unconditional positive regard and empathy and that requires some self awareness to understand what's going on.
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So let's see who's here today.
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Hey there, staff.
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Good morning.
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So first and foremost, what are some barriers that get in the way of maintaining congruence?
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Well, what we know is nobody can maintain congruence all of the time, 100 percent of the time.
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That's just not a possibility.
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And in the beginning, especially in the beginning when you're learning play therapy, it's really hard to maintain a state of congruence with your clients, session after session after session, day after day after day, especially when you're just learning and you're not sure what you're doing.
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And this is, this is one of the reasons that I started Play Therapy Academy because I was noticing is.
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Um, really plate therapist needed a little more structure.
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So I included in there not only some trainings, but we also have case presentation.
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So everybody's always going to be presenting a case, you know, ahead of time.
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I always, always, always Always encourage the use of video if you can get permission because the best way to get help learning how to use a plate therapy model and your way of being in the session, which has everything to do with congruence is much more effective.
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You learn so much better when you're using video.
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As long as you have that permission from your clients.
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And of course, we maintain privacy and confidentiality in the group.
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So that's what we're going to talk about today.
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What are some barriers to congruence?
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Hey there, Sherry.
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So Sherry's in my Play Therapy Academy as well.
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So welcome, Sherry.
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Um, What a first barrier has a lot to do with imposter syndrome.
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So if you're new to the mental health field, if you're new to working with children and adolescents, if you're new to working, using play therapy, then the likelihood You are struggling with imposter syndrome is very high because you're just learning.
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So what is imposter syndrome?
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Basically imposter syndrome, you have it.
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These will definitely resonate with you.
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It's really lacking that confidence that you have the ability.
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To help your clients and and lagging that ability is going to on.
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I mean, lack imposter syndrome because it causes you to doubt yourself and doubt your abilities.
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This lack of competence is going to create a sense of of incongruence in the session because.
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You're going to be worrying.
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Am I doing right?
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Am I letting my client down?
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You're listening to your inner critic tell you that you're terrible and you're doing a terrible job, which causes you to believe that you're not doing things right.
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And in fact, you could be harming your clients and not helping them get the, the change that they need, get that healing, which is of course why you got into the field in the first place.
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So imposter syndrome is really horrible in the beginning.
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'cause you help your clients, you wanna help them get better and heal, and yet you're inner critic.
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Is telling you that you're not doing a good job.
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And in fact, you're terrible.
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And this may end up causing you to avoid having conversations that need to be had in the sessions with and this depending on what model you're using this.
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Usually, this comes up when you're working with parents.
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So imposter syndrome with parents is usually much higher than it is when you're in sessions with the kids.
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And because of your imposter syndrome, there's a good likelihood that you're not really having the conversations with parents.
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To help parents and support parents in the change process as that are needed.
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So the thing that you want to keep in mind is nobody is perfect.
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And when you're in the learning process, this is why you get support.
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This is why you get into consultation or supervision so that you have another more seasoned.
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professional helping you know what to do in the sessions.
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You don't have to do it alone.
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In fact, here in the United States, while you're in the licensing process, meaning you are learning under The supervision of another more seasoned person, you're learning how to do the documentation.
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You're learning how to use different theoretical models.
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You're learning what to do when you hit challenging spots in the change process.
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And this is true for plate therapy as well.
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Like, I'm a.
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licensed clinical social worker here in the United States.
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I'm also a registered plate therapist supervisor.
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I was into plate therapy back in the late 1980s and then it took me a while to get some actual training and supervision myself and I will tell you the difference in my confidence and in my abilities.
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Once I found a plate therapy supervisor, AKA, also known as consultant, my skills and abilities dramatically improved.
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It was such a game changer for me because I had somebody helping me through my imposter syndrome and learning the skills and it gave me the confidence because I had another person helping me out.
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And I, I would say in play therapy academy.
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I don't know, Sherry and Steph, what you guys, I mean, in Plate Therapy Academy, it's a group format.
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So it's not just me giving my ideas, but it's also the collective wisdom and experience and knowledge of the group and getting their feedback.
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So not only do you just, you get support of myself and Plate Therapy Academy, you get You get a whole group of like minded, supportive play therapists to help you along the way so you don't have to do it alone.
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So let's say Facebook, Facebook user says, harming them resonates.
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That's my biggest fear in this.
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I sit in that chair thinking I'm not helping them.
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Why am I treating them like a guinea pig so I can learn?
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I need to send this.
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Yes.
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Yep.
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That's exactly true.
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And here's the thing.
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We all feel that way in the beginning.
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All of us feel that way in the beginning.
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And one of the things, this is years and years ago.
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And when I was also going through plate there, I mean, uh, plate therapy supervision with somebody else.
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And when I was just getting started, my supervisor would regularly remind me.
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That I, even though I, I might've felt like I didn't know very much, I actually did know more than my clients.
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And I did know how to help them when I was able to set aside my anxiety and my imposter syndrome and really kind of settle in and be that congruent, compassionate, unconditional, positive regard.
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In the sessions, don't underestimate the power of the therapeutic relationship, especially in the beginning.
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That is a powerful, powerful.
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I mean, here's the way that I would think about it.
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And this is what I would offer the skills and the theoretical model.
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Yes.
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Those are important.
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Those are what help guide you through the change process, knowing what to do the therapeutic rapport.
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That was what anchors and creates that safety.
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in the sessions to help your clients do the hard things.
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Think about it.
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How many times have you been in a hard place and you went to a friend, you went to somebody that you trusted, you knew cared about you, and you just kind of lent it, let it out and vented.
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You didn't want them to fix it for you.
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You just really needed somebody to hold that space for you, to see you, to validate you.
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How healing is that?
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So I would add up for imposter syndrome.
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Yes, it is really important to learn the skills and theoretical models for sure.
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And if you don't have that therapeutic rapport, nothing else matters.
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So establishing that most definitely does provide healing in and of itself.
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And getting support, you're getting support from a more experienced.
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mentor in Play Therapy Academy, you have not only myself with my 30 years experience, you have the collective wisdom of the group.
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So you're not doing it alone.
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You have support, which is also one of the reasons why I have this bonus in Play Therapy Academy.
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We have private group chats.
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So in between Our group meetings, there's additional support in there because I remember when I was going through and learning and my imposter syndrome was off the chain.
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It was off the chain.
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It was nice to have a group where I could go and get that support.
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So we also have, um.
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Oh, if anyone is interested in the academy, Play Therapy Academy, don't delay.
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It's super helpful.
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Thank you, Steph.
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Yes.
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I, my hope with that is really to create that supportive environment so you can be the play therapist that you want to be.
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I mean, we get into this field.
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It's a hard field.
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We hold hard stories all day long, client after client.
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It's a hard thing.
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And.
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We we need to do that.
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And so my mind is I might this space kind of place in my my professional career.
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I love giving back now.
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I love doing the teaching part and the supporting part to help the next generation of play therapists be those change makers for Children and their families.
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So, number two, what is another barrier to congruence?
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And that is feeling burned out and overwhelmed.
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And I have to say, I'm feeling that way a little bit today because I, I just spent five days.
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I think it was five days.
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The Association for Play Therapy had their annual conference.
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It was in Palm Springs, California this year.
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And I was there attending some workshops and then I also presented my workshop on attachment focused family play therapy.
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And uh, I am feeling a little tired today.
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I'm not going to lie.
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Last night I thought, Oh my gosh, I'm just going to skip live stream tomorrow.
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And then I thought, Nope, I am not going to do that.
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I'm going to get this done.
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And we feel that way too.
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Sometimes we feel like, Oh, I can't do this session one more time.
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And it is, it is hard to feel congruent.
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in play therapy sessions when you're feeling overwhelmed and burned out.
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And it, you know, what, what do we say to parents all the time, taking care of their, their children use the amount, uh, the analogy of the oxygen mask, like in airplanes where they tell you If you're traveling with the child, if anything happens and the air masks drop down, make sure as the parent, you put the air mask on first, because if you don't take care of yourself, then you're not going to be in a really good position to take care of your clients.
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And this is true for plate therapists as well, making sure that you do take care of yourself, you know, and there were, there were times that if I'm not feeling well, I have to make that decision.
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Should I cancel?
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I hate canceling on my clients and I'm really not feeling well.
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And how good am I going to be if I don't take care of myself or just making sure you take some time off.
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And when you have downtime, what are you doing to kind of fill that, fill your back up, so to speak.
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You know, outside of we do have a life outside of the playroom.
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We usually have our own families or we're working towards other things or have our families and maybe working towards licensing or having families and things are, you know, going through challenging times ourselves, making sure You take care of yourself, even most of us in the mental health profession, most of us have gone to counseling ourselves because it's hard to help others through challenges when we really haven't helped ourselves through those processes.
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I love therapy because in therapy, it is all about me and I get somebody to provide support to me.
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So, Transcribed And then I'm in a better position to go out and help others.
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So that being feeling burned out and overwhelmed can definitely interfere with your ability to be congruent.
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Another thing that can get in the way is really lacking self awareness.
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If you haven't really learned how to tune into yourself and figure out what's going on, internally for you and recognizing what your experiences are and how they feel in your body and in your head, then it'll be challenging to develop that congruence with your clients.
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It's also hard to be congruent in sessions if you don't have that self awareness, which means you're not able to recognize.
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Oh, is this getting activated in me or is this getting activated in my client?
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Like what's me and what's my client?
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So, really learning how to tune in to ourselves and get that self awareness when things happen in the sessions and you'll have a better sense of what is going on.
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And that really does require the ability to be still, be mindfully present in the session so you can tune in to yourself and your clients and then recognize.
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When you're in a congruent state with your clients and when you're not in a congruent state, which brings me to the fourth thing is related to the, um, lacking self awareness as a barrier.
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Then if you're lacking that self awareness, then it's really going to be hard to do your.
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decision making.
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It may end up being some poor decision making abilities in the session.
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So when you're not recognizing what's happening in your sessions with your clients, then it's difficult to figure out what to do in that moment.
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And that clinical decision making in the session is really going to be based on your theoretical model.
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So yes, the theoretical model and how it's applied in the sessions does matter.
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And then it's wrapped up in that therapeutic rapport.
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And congruence has everything to do with your ability, your therapeutic use of self in sessions.
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How are you allowing yourself to be used in a, in a way to create that corrective experience, so to speak for your clients.
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in their sessions.
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And when you're, you're lacking that self awareness, then it's gonna, it's gonna likelihood that your clinical decision making within those sessions is going to be impaired as well.
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And knowing what needs to happen, then to maintain congruence in that session.
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And when you're not sure of what's your internal experience for versus what is your clients.
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And let's say, for example, you're really like, you have some really negative feelings coming up in your sessions.
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towards your client, it's going to be hard to maintain that unconditional positive regard in your sessions and have that empathy when you have this kind of this angst going on inside that's negative.
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And then if you're not really recognizing and understanding what that is and it can really negatively impact your decision making about what to do with that and depending on your.
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theoretical model will, will determine what you do with that and how you do it.
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And then being congruent in sessions means you're focusing what, you're focusing on figuring out what to do with that information.
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What am I going to do with this information in the moment so that I can be congruent and maintain congruent?
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Because the likelihood you're going to go in and out of congruence with your client During the session is very high, and then the more burned out and overwhelmed you are, the more your imposter syndrome is just getting in your head, the harder it will be to be congruent, and it's going to influence things like setting limits, like how do I set a limit?
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Do I set a limit?
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Sharing your emotions or experiences with your clients to serve them.
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Sometimes being congruent means that we share in the moment how we're feeling, what's coming up for us in the session.
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But the purpose is, you know, self disclosure.
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It's all about, is this going to Benefit my client.
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So if I'm not aware of my self awareness, isn't that great?
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And maybe it's negatively influencing my decision making then it'll make it hard for me to figure that out And then how are you responding?
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congruence also is a takes a little attunement you have to tune into your client and then That attunement that we know from the work of Daniel Siegel, he talks about, he coined the term resonant circuits, which is basically we are physiologically tuned in to one, one another.
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Even on a physiological level, we're tuned in experiencing emotions of another.
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And what he talks about in his book, Mindsight, is that really you have to be able to understand what's me and what's not me.
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And then I, I look at that as also True.
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When we're considering, when we're talking about this concept of congruence, I need to understand what this is.
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So I know how to track it.
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How do I reflect this in sessions?
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And then it's gonna really influence my ability to kind of maintain that.
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unconditional positive regard when I'm not really understanding what's going on in myself.
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So this to me where it's really important to get that support to help you work through some of these challenges and figure out what that is.
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And that support might be your own your own therapy.
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Um, as as therapists in the mental health field, we always we always at some point in our careers and in our lives, we will have gone through therapy.
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Maybe we're.
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in therapy for a while.
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I like therapy because then it's all about me and we get to talk about me because most of the other time I'm always focused on everybody else, focused on my family, focused on my kids, focused on my clients, how to help my clients.
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So having that space where it can be about me.
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But the other thing is you're doing like, what is your to fill your bucket up?
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For me, I go for hikes.
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I go for walks.
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I make sure on the weekends I have my morning coffee in the morning and I'm, I'm listening to some of my podcasts and I'm.
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listening to music that kind of fills me up with my coffee, that those are, I do to help me kind of reset.
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And those are important things for all of us to be doing, figuring out what that is.
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So those are the barriers to congruence in play therapy.
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If you were looking at the thumbnail on the event, it said three barriers to congruence.
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I added a fourth after the fact.
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So this, you got an extra bonus one today.
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So, four barriers to maintaining, developing M congruence.
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So just a quick recap of those four barriers.
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One is imposter syndrome.
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It is the enemy of congruence.
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It, it will you to doubt yourself constantly think you're doing a terrible job that you're harming your clients.
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You should just get out and not do it anymore at any point in time.
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They're going to figure out that you're a big fraud, and that would be horrendous.
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And the reality is you're not, um, and when you can set aside that imposter syndrome, then you can really settle in and maintain, develop, and make that therapeutic rapport and get support.
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Get Get supervision.
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I'm going to talk a little bit more about Play Therapy Academy at the end.
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I do have openings.
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I have a few, I have like two openings in my Saturday group and then I have a few openings in my Wednesday group.
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So if you're interested, you want to stick around, I'll tell you a little more about that.
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But get support, get help.
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You don't have to do it alone.
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The other thing is nobody, nobody can be congruent.
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100 percent of the time, every single session, client after client after client, we cannot be congruent in our lives.
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Like we're always, you know, maybe we're more stressed out, maybe we're tired, maybe we're hungry.
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Maybe we just kind of had a stressful thing happen.
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None of us can be.
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congruent all of the time to maintain unconditional positive regard and empathy in our plate therapy sessions.
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It's just not possible.
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We can't feel those feelings all the time with our family members.
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Like it's just not possible.
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And so the key though is what do you need to do to get that self care and that support?
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Because at, as plate therapists, as mental health professionals, This is that therapeutic use of self where we open ourselves up to connect and be attuned to another, another person sessions.
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And we do that client after client after client.
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So doing that, um, attunement being, being open and receptive and authentic.
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In our sessions can be challenging, and that's definitely where support can help out with that.
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The third thing is lacking self awareness, like accessing your resident circuits, understanding what's you, understanding what's coming up in sessions, what's going on.
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If you don't have that self awareness, then it's going to be really hard to understand.
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What's going on and how to respond and you definitely want to make sure however, you're responding.
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It's in alignment with your theoretical model, even if you're using an integrated approach, more eclectic in nature, you still those.
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Those interventions are rooted in a theoretical model.
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So you want to make sure whatever it is you're doing in the sessions, you're understanding where the roots of that are and kind of ground yourself in that while using.
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yourself therapeutically in the sessions and your self awareness is going to help you figure out what you need to do and how you need to do it to maintain that authenticity and that unconditional positive regard and empathy in the sessions.
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And then the fourth barrier to congruence is really poor decision making, and that really is, comes out of pretty much all the things we just said.
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I just talked about the other three things.
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Most especially, though, that lack of self awareness, because some, sometimes things will happen in sessions, and something will get activated in you.
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If you're not sure what to do with that because you're not really sure what's actually going on, you are not really fully internally connected to yourself, then it's going to be hard to know how to respond and what to do in the sessions using your theoretical model.
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So it's really important to get that support to help you.
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Make sure that you have that self awareness and you understand what's going on as well as getting the support you need to overcome your imposter syndrome, and then also taking care of yourself so that you're not, when you do feel overwhelmed and a little burned out, you know what you need to do in order to take care of yourself.
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So those are the four things, four barriers.
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to main developing and maintaining congruence in the sessions to maintain unconditional positive regard and empathy.
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So if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, I do have openings.
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We, my virtual assistant.
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He also goes by Dom.
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So in the, in the comments, you'll see it's Dom he'll post in the comments a link to find out more about play therapy academy.
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You can pop over to my website.
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My website is rhplaytherapytraining.
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com.
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If you're interested in play therapy academy, then click on the supervision tab.
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And you can learn more about play therapy academy.
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We'll also post a, uh, in the comments, we'll post a link to schedule a free 30 minute video.
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If you really want to talk about how play therapy academy can support you and help you, then feel free to schedule a free 30 minute video call with me.
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That way we can talk about what it is.
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I can answer your questions.
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I can tell you.
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What it is and what it isn't and how it can support you in the work that you're doing with Children adolescents and families using play therapy in in addition to play therapy Academy there We meet twice a month.
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There are we do case presentations so that you get some dedicated time You also have the the supportive group.
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It's just it's not I 30 years of experience in the mental health field, you get the collective wisdom, resources, and knowledge of the other people in the group.
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Plus you also get their support.
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And I find that one of the most beneficial things is getting some support from, from your colleagues.
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In addition to the twice a month group consultation meetings that we do online.
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It's an online program.
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I have some online self paced courses in the, in the platform.
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So Foundations in Play Therapy, Getting Grounded, and Play Therapy Case Conceptualization.
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Getting grounded and play therapy treatment planning.
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I'm getting ready right now.
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I'm in the process of really, um, creating the next course in the series, which is getting grounded and play therapy progress notes.
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And then I'll also do a training.
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I'll have a training in there on working with parents and partnering with parents and how to do that effectively.
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So in my mind, that kind of gives you a really good grounding and some of the basics.
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And then we use the Play Therapy consultation meetings to learn how to apply your Play Therapy model and use that case conceptualization so you can do your treatment planning, all those kind of foundational things that you you need to do in order to be in the mental health field.
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And then we also, we have bonuses like I, uh, we have private group chat in between the, our meetings.
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So you can get support in meetings.
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And I also do some other discounts.
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So if you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, click on the link.
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The links are posted in the comments, click on those, head over to my website, rhplaytherapytraining.
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com.
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If you click on the supervision page, then you can learn more about it.
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There's also a link there to schedule that 30 minute meeting.
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Also, if maybe you don't need the Maybe you don't need the group consultation.
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Maybe you just need the courses.
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Those are available kind of a la carte, so to speak, getting grounded in Play Therapy Foundations, getting grounded in Play Therapy Case Conceptualization, and getting grounded in Play Therapy Treatment Planning.
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These courses are currently available.
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individually, you can buy one at a time on the website.
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So if you're interested in checking out those trainings, then head over to my website at rhplaytherapytraining.
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com.
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Click on the courses page.
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And you'll find more about those there.
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Alrighty.
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Thanks.
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And I will see you guys next week.
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Bye for now.
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Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
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I hope you found the discussion valuable and gain new insights and ideas to support your work, helping children, adolescents.
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And families heal.
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If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
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Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
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Remember, play Therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth, whether you're a.
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Play Therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships.
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If you have any questions or topics, suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you.
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Connect with me on social media.
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and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
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Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
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Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing.