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13 - Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift · Adventure Books Collection

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  Chapter five, several adventures that happened to the author the execution of a criminal,
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  The author shows his skill in navigation. I should have lived happily enough
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  in that country if my littleness had not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome
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  accidents, some of which I shall venture to relate. Glandalklitch often carried me
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  into the gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take
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  me out of it and hold me in her hand, or set me down
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  to walk. I remember, before the dwarf left the Queen, he followed
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  us one day into those gardens, and my nurse having set me down,
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  he and I being close together near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs
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  show my wit by a silly illusion between him and the trees, which happened
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  to hold in their language, as it does in hours. Whereupon the malicious
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  rogue, watching his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them,
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  shook it directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of
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  them near as large as a bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears.
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  One of them hit me on the back as I chanced to stoop and knocked
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  me down flat on my face. But I received no other hurt, and
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  the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because I had given the provocation.
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  Another day, Glumdalklitch left me on a smooth grass plot to divert myself while
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  she walked at some distance with her governess. In the meantime, there suddenly
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  felt such a violent shower of hail that I was, immediately, by the
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  force of it, struck to the ground. And when I was down,
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  the hailstones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body as if I had
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  been pelted with tennis balls. However, I made a shift to creep on
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  all fours and shelter myself by lying flat on my face on the lee side
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  of a border of lem and Thime, but so bruised from head to foot
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  that I could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this it all
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  to be wondered at, because nature in that country observe in the same proportion
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  through all her operations. A hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large as
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  one in Europe, which I can assert upon experience, having been so curious
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  as to weigh and measure them. But a more dangerous accident happened to me
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  in the same garden when my little nurse, believing she had put me in
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  a secure place, which I often entreated her to do that I might enjoy
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  my own thoughts, and having left my box at home to avoid the trouble
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  of carrying it, went to another part of the garden with her governess and
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  some ladies of her acquaintance. While she was absent and out of hearing,
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  a small white spaniel that belonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got
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  by accident into the garden, happened to reign engine near the place where I
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  lay. The dog, following the scent, came directly up, and,
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  taking me in his mouth, ran straight to his master wagon his tail,
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  and set me gently on the ground. My good fortune, he had been
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  so well taught that I was carried between his teeth without the least hurt or
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  even tearing my clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well and
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  had a great kindness for me, was in a terrible fright. He gently
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  took me up in both hands and asked me how I did. But I
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  was so amazed and out of breath that I could not speak a word.
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  In a few minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to
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  my little nurse, who by this time had returned to the place where she
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  left me, and was in cruel agonies when I did not appear nor answer
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  when she called. She severely reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog.
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  But the thing was hushed up and never known at court, for the girl
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  was afraid of the Queen's anger, and truly, as to myself, I
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  thought it would not before my reputation that such a story should go about.
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  This accident absolutely determined Glumdalklitch never to trust me abroad for the future. Out
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  of her sight. I had been long afraid of this resolution, and therefore
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  concealed from her some little unlucky adventures that happened in those times, well as
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  left by myself. Once a kite halvering over the garden made a stoop at
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  me, and if I had not resolutely drawn my hanger and run under a
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  thick espella, he would have certainly carried me away in his talons. Another
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  time, walking to the top of a fresh mole hill, I fell to
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  my neck in the hole through which that animal had cast up the earth and
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  coined some lie not worth. Remembering to excuse myself from spoiling my clothes,
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  I likewise brought my right shin against the shell of a snail, which I
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  happened to start umble over as I was walking alone and thinking on poor England.
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  I cannot tell whether I was more pleased or mortified to observe in these
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  solitary walks that the smaller birds did not appear to be at all afraid of
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  me, but would hop about within a yard's distance, looking for worms and
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  other food, with as much indifference and security as if no creature at all
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  were near them. I remember a thrush had the confidence to snatch out of
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  my hand with his bill a bit of cake that Glumdalklitch had just given me
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  for my breakfast. When I attempted to catch any of these birds, they
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  would boldly turn against me, endeavoring to peck my fingers, which I durst
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  not venture within their reach, and then they would hop back, unconcerned,
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  to hunt for worms or snails as they did before. But one day I
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  took a thick cudgel and threw it with all my strength so luckily at a
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  linen that I knocked him down, and, seizing him by the neck with
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  both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my nurse. However,
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  the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering himself, gave me so
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  many boxes with his wings on both sides of my head and body. Though
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  I held him at arm's length and was out of reach of his claws,
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  that I was twenty times thinking to let him go. But I was soon
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  relieved by one of our servants, who wrung off the bird's neck, and
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  I had him the next day for dinner by the Queen's command. This linnet,
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  as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an
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  English swan. The maids of Honor often invited Glumdalklitch to their apartments and desired
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  she would bring me along with her on purpose to have the pleasure of seeing
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  and touching me. They would often strip me naked from toe to toe and
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  lay me at full length in their bosoms, wherewith I was much disgusted,
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  because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell came from their skins,
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  which I do not mention or intend to the disadvantage of those excellent ladies,
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  for whom I have all manner of respect. But I conceive that my
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  sense was more acute in proportion to my littleness, and that those illustrious persons
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  were no more disagreeable to their lovers or to each other than people of the
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  same quality are with us in England. And after all I found the natural
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  smell was much more supportable than when they used perfumes, under which I immediately
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  swooned away. I cannot forget that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput took
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  the freedom, in a warm day, when I had used a good deal
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  of exercise, to complain of a strong smell about me, although I am
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  as little faulty that way as most of my sex. But I suppose his
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  faculty of smelling was as nice with regard to me as mine was to that
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  of this people. Upon this point I cannot forbear doing justice to the Queen,
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  my mistress, and glandal Clitch, my nurse, whose persons were as
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  sweet as those of any lady in England, that which gave me most uneasiness
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  among these maids of honor, when my nurse carried me to visit them was
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  to see them use me without any manner of ceremony, like a creature who
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  had no sort of consequence. For they would strip themselves to the skin and
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  put on their smocks in my presence, while I was placed on their toilet
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  directly before their naked bodies, which I am sure to me was very far
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  from being a tempting sight, or from giving me any other emotions than those
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  of horror and disgust. Their skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously
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  colored when I saw them near, with a mole here and there, as
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  broad as a trencher, and hairs hanging from it thicker than pack threads,
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  to say nothing farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they at
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  all scruple when hours by to discharge what they had drunk, to the quantity
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  of at least two hogsheads in a vessel that held above three tons. The
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  handsomest among these maids of honor a pleasant frolicsome girl of sixteen, would sometimes
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  set me astride one of her nipples, with many other tricks. Wherein the
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  reader will excuse me for not being over particular, But I was so much
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  displeased that I entreated Lumdaluklitch to contrive some excuse for not seeing that young lady
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  anymore. One day, a young gentleman who was nephew to my nurse's governess
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  came and pressed them both to see an execution. It was of a man
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  who had murdered one of that gentleman's intimate acquaintance. Clumdalklitch was prevailed on to
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  be one of the company, very much against her inclination, for she was
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  naturally tender hearted. And as for myself, although I abhorred such kind of
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  spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to see something that I thought must be
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  extraordinary. The malefactor was fixed in a chair upon a scaffield erected for that
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  purpose, and his head was cut off at one blow with the sword of
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  about forty feet long. The veins and archeries spouted up with such a prodigious
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  quantity of blood, and so high in the air that the great Jetdieu at
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  Versailles was not equal to it for the time it lasted. And the head,
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  when it fell on the scaffield floor, gave such a bounce as made
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  me start. Although I was at least half an English mile distant. The
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  Queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea voyages and took
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  all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether I understood
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  how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exercise or
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  rowing might not be convenient for my health. I answered that I understood both
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  very well, for although my proper employment had been to be a surgeon or
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  a doctor to the ship, yet often upon a pinch, I was forced
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  to work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this could
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  be done in their country, where the smallest werry was equal to a first
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  rate man of war among us, and such a boat as I could manage
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  would never live in any of their rivers. Her Majesty said, if I
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  would contrive a boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would
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  provide a place for me to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman,
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  and by my instructions, in ten days finished a pleasure boat, with
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  all its tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it was finished,
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  the Queen was so delighted that she ran with it in her lapse to
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  the King, who ordered it to be put into a cystin full of water
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  with me in it by way of a trial, or I could not manage
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  my two skulls or little laws for want of room. But the Queen had
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  before contrived another project. She ordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of
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  three hundred feet long, fifty broad and eight deep, which, being well
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  pitched to prevent leaking, was placed on the floor along the wall in the
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  outer room of the palace. It had a cork near the bottom to let
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  out the water when it began to grow stale, and two servants could easily
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  fill it in half an hour. Here I often used to row for my
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  own diversion, as well as that of the Queen and her ladies, who
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  thought themselves well entertained with my skill and agility. Sometimes I would put up
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  my sail, and then my business was only to steer, while the ladies
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  gave me a girl with their fans, and when they were weary, some
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  of their pages would blow my cell forward with their breath, while I showed
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  my art by steering starboard or larboard as I pleased. When I had done
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  Glumdalklitch always carried back my boat into a closet and hung it on a nail
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  to dry. In this exercise I once met an accident we should have liked
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  to have cost me my life. For one of the pages. Having put
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  my boat into the trough, the governess who attended glumdal Glitch very officiously lifted
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  me up to place me in the boat. But I happened to slip through
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  her fingers, and should have infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor,
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  if by the luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped
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  by a corking pin that stopped in the good woman's stomacher, the head of
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  the pin passing between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus
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  I was held by the middle in the air till Glumdalklitch ran to my relief.
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  Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill
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  my trowel every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let
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  a huge frog, not perceiving it, slip out of his pail. The
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  frog lay concealed till I was put into my boat, and then, sensing
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  a resting place, climbed up and made it lean so much on one side
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  that I was forced to balance it with all my weight on the other to
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  prevent overturning. When the frog was got in, it hopped at once half
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  the length of my boat, and then over my head backward and forward,
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  dubbing my face and clothed with its odious slime. The lardness of its features
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  made it appear the most deformed animal that can be conceived. However, I
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  desired Lumdalklitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged it a good
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  while with one of my skulls, and at last forced it to leap out
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  of the boat. But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom was
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  from a monkey who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Plum
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  Duglitch had locked me up in her closet while she went somewhere upon business or
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  a visit. The weather being very warm, the closet window was left open,
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  as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, and
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  which I usually lived because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat quietly
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  meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in ato the closet window and
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  skip about from one side to the other whereat. Although I was very much
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  alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my seat.
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  And then I saw this frolicsome animal, frisking and leaping up and down,
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  till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view
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  with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window.
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  I reach to the farther corner of my room or box, but the monkey
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  looking in at every side put me in such a fright that I wanted presence
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  of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I might easily have done.
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  After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at
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  last despied me, and reaching one of his paws inner to the door,
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  as a cat does when she plays with a mouse. Although I often shifted
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  place to avoid him, he at length seized the lappet of my coat,
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  which, being made of that country silk, was very thick and strong,
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  and dragged me out. He took me in his right forefoot and held me
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  as a nurse as a child. She is going to suckle, just as
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  I have seen the same sort of creature do with a kitten in Europe.
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  And when I offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard that I thought
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  it more prudent to submit. I have good reason to believe that he took
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  me for a young of one of his own species, but is often stroking
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  my face very gently with his other paw. In these diversions. He was
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  interrupted by a noise at the closet door, as if somebody was opening it,
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  whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the window at which he had come in,
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  and thence upon the leads the gutter, walking upon three legs, and
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  told me in the fourth till he climbed up to a roof. That was
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  next two hours. I heard Glanmdalklitch give a shriek at the moment he was
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  carrying me out. The poor girl was almost distracted. That quarter of the
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  palace was all in an uproar. The servants ran for ladders. The monkey
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  was seen by hundreds in the court sitting upon the ridge of a building,
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  holding me like a baby in one of his forepaws, and feeding me with
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  the other by cramming into my mouth some victuals He had squeezed out of the
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  bag on one side of his chaps, and patter me when I would not
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  eat whereat. Many of the rabble below could not forbear laughing, neither do
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  I. I think they justly ought to be blamed for without question, the
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  sight was ridiculous enough to everybody but myself. Some of the people threw up
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  stones, hoping to drive the monkey down, but this was strictly forbidden,
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  or else very probably my brains had been dashed out. The ladders were now
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  applied and mounted by several men, which the monkey, observing, and finding
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  himself almost encompassed, not being able to make enough speed with his three legs,
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  let me drop on a ridge tile and made his escape. Here.
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  I sat for some time five hundred yards from the ground, expecting every moment
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  to be blown down by the wind, or to fall by my own giddiness
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  and come tumbling over and over from the ridge to the eaves. But an
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  honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up, and, putting
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  me into his breech his pocket, brought me down safe. I was almost
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  choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had crammed down my throat, but my
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  dear little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a small needle, and
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  then I fell a vomiting, which gave me great relief. Yet I was
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  so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given by this odious animal,
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  that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The King,
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  Queen and all the court sent every day to inquire after my health, and
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  her Majesty made me several visits. During my sickness, the monkey was killed,
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  and an ordin maid that no such animal should be kept about the palace.
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  When I attended the King after my recovery to return him thanks for his
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  favors, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.
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  He asked me what my thoughts and speculations were while I lay in the monkey's
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  pow, how I liked the victuals he gave me his manner of feeding,
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  and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my stomach. He desired
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  to know what I would have done upon such an occasion in my own country.
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  I told his Majesty that in Europe we had no monkeys, except such
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  as were brought for curiosity from other places. And so small that I could
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  deal with a dozen of them together if they presumed to attack me. And
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  as of that monstrous animal with whom I am so lately engaged, it was
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  indeed as large as an elephant. If my fears had suffered me to think
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  so far as to make use of my hanger, looking fiercely and clapping my
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  hand on the hilt as I spoke, when he poked his pour into my
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  chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound as would have made
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  him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it. In this
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  I delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous, lest
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  his courage should be called in question. However, my speech produced nothing else
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  beside a loud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty from those
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  about him could not make them contain. Has made me refined how vain an
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  attempt it is for a man to endeavor to himself honor among those who were
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  out of all degree of equality or comparison with him. And yet I have
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  seen the moral of my behavior very frequent in England since my return. Were
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  a little contemptible Violette, without the least title to birth person wit or common
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  sense, shall presume to look with importance and put himself upon a foot with
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  the greatest persons of the kingdom. I was every day furnishing the court with
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  some ridiculous story, and glamdal Clitch, although she loved me to excess,
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  yet was ard enough to inform the Queen whenever I committed any folly that she
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  thought would be diverting to her majesty. The girl who had been out of
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  order was carried by a governess to take the air about an hour's distance or
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  thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small footpath
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  in the field, and glumdal Clitch, setting down my traveling box, I
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  went out of it to walk. There was a cow dung in the path,
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  and I must need try my activity by attempting to leap over it.
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  I took a run, but unfortunately jumped short and found myself just in the
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  middle up to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one
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  of the footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for
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  I was filthy, beermurd and my nurse confined me to my box till we
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  returned home, where the Queen was soon informed of what had passed, and
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  the footman spread it about the court, so that all the mirth for some
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  days was at my expense. And of Part two, Chapter five,