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Cultivating Generosity: A Leadership Approach with Mark Young · Unstoppable Success Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight, influential leaders and their game-changing insights.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jacqueline Schuminger, CEO and founder of LeapToyer Success.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's LeapToyeersuccess.com.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: We help entrepreneurs, leaders, and CEOs grow their business, become unstoppable high achievers in their careers and life, gaining that 1% edge.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: We believe every professional has the power within them to leap to their greatest success that not only will impact their life, but the lives of the people they taught.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So stick around to the end of the show and we will share with you how you can be our next guest.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: So stick around for those 15 to 20 minutes and let's be unstoppable.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to another amazing episode of the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Jacqueline Strominger, and we hear on this podcast from amazing leaders and their game-changing insights and ways that we can make the world filled with better leaders and better stewards of our society.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, when that happens, uh, we create a better, a better world in general.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So today we have an amazing guest, Mark Young.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: He is the CEO of Rise Agency.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're not necessarily going to talk about that, but we're going to talk about the book that he has just come out with.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, this is not his first, this is his third.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is Radical Generosities.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I cannot wait for this conversation because we were having a pre-show conversation and it's really great stuff.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome, Mark, to Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you, Jacqueline.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I always appreciate a good invite.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, Mark, you know, um tell me a little, you know, you know, the book Radical Generosity, you know, if you could say like one thing to the listeners, and I know there's lots of bits in there, but what is the biggest lesson that you want people to walk away with?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Let your life story be defined by the impact you've had on the world.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Your life story defined by the impact that you've had on this world.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: One of one of the things that I actually talk about, there's there's a phrase in this book, and sometimes your own words kind of haunt you.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and there's a there's a line in the book that I repeat to myself all the time.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that is, what will the story of my life be when I'm no longer the one telling it?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because right now I get to control the narrative.
• 2:48
  unknown: Right.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I can defend me and I can pivot.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if I do something wrong, I can apologize.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I still have the opportunity and and you know, pray to God, years left to come.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: But when I'm not here to tell that story anymore, what will that story be?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't get to control it anymore.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And yet my challenge is to me and to anybody listening is what are we doing about that today?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: What what impact is it that I'm able to have on a life other than my own today that will lead to a future story that I want told about me when I'm not here anymore?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great question to ask.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you the question.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: When you are no longer here, do you think about that story about how about the words that people will say about you?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's and it's not in a fear-based way.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Let me say this, and that is some people are like, well, I don't want people to talk bad about me.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I don't, you know, that that I'm not too worried about.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like they do that now.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, but it's not the fear of someone saying something negative.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a when I can't do anymore, will it will it be enough to to to make a I don't want to say to make a good story of me, because I'm trying not to make me the hero of that story, but in fact, we're all the hero of our own story, right?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's like, is is that story enough that that people will remember me in a way that says, wow, he really impacted my life?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Or I'm so glad I knew that guy.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, nobody blank the way Mark did.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like those are the types of stories, and some people are remembered for hundreds of years and some people for minutes.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and and the and the reality is it's like I just want to know that this place is better because I was in it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so talk to me about how, you know, because that's a huge, that's a huge um you know, existential crisis.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, yeah, you know, I was like, well, because I I think about like, you know, I think about like the the things that are going through my mind are, you know, the impact that you have on as a leader, like you've got an agency, you've got a business.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So the impact that you're having on those people that have that are in your fold, your team members, you know, I I don't look at people as employees, they're all team members, you know, they're partners in our in our business and life.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: So the impact that you're having on on those amazing people, like what is what is that lifelong going to look like?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then looking back, you know, if you're sitting up here looking back down on life, you know, how do you, you know, you know, what's that what's that vision to keep it going?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, and I'll I'll say this, and that is there's a, you know, throughout the book, Radical Generosity, it was it was a book that I had written kind of just out of my own, whatever you want to call it, my own craziness or whatnot.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality is, is that I've always wanted to live a life that was generous.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've always wanted to be a person who gave freely without fear.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I believe that there is a a scarcity mentality that's gotten created in our culture, and that is for me to give to you means less for me and more for you.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and the reality is that, you know, and again, not to keep referencing back to a book, but but when I give, I get.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and sometimes that getting is a different level of equivalency.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll I'll give the example, and that is research has actually shown that when people even think about giving something to somebody they care about or even someone they don't know, like literally that helper's high kind of oxytocin release actually physiologically gives them a hit in their brain.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, giving is almost like a drug that I give to somebody and I have a chemical reaction in my brain.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and what we learn physiologically is it's no different, oxytocin is the love drug, right?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like that that's the hit.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like someone gives you a hug, you get an oxytocin release.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's why they say physical touch and and hugging people is important in life because that physical touch actually releases an endorphin in the brain that is a mood stabilizer.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: But that mood stabilizer not only increases our ability to be in a good mood, but it actually brings us from a sympathetic down to a parasympathetic nervous system.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, I don't, I'm a I'm a science geek, but from a sympathetic nervous system.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I like that stuff too.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so sympathetic nervous system for your listeners is that fight or flight state, that when we're in a state of somebody being in a in a survival mode, what fight or flight means that only the systems in the body that are required for survival get any kind of attention from the brain, which means, you know, digestive systems, uh, sex organs, everything else, everything shuts down because the only thing that matters right now is I need the heart, I need the brain, I need the lungs, which is why you'll notice when people get in those types of states, their breathing patterns change, heart rate accelerates, mental clarity and energy completely focuses on one thing, not many.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's that survival instinct that kicks in.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: In a parasympathetic state, in that nervous system response, there is what they call the rest and digest.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that is when you when your gut is digesting the way it should, and metabolic processes return to normal, where your nervous system is downregulated, your heart rate levels out, your breathing levels out, your blood flow increases.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: All of these things actually happen in a parasympathetic state.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Getting a person who's in a panic state, think of a child who's crying.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: This is a sympathetic nervous system response.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: The child is upset, something is wrong, they're in a survival state.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hold that child for a moment, and you'll notice that child calms.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: There's a safety, everything goes back to normal.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so the the thing is, is giving, and even the thought of giving does the exact same thing as a hug.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like being able to meet a need in somebody else actually gives us something in return.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes, you know, and I've got this mindset that if my life's falling apart, the best thing I can do is just go do something nice for someone else.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And part of it, part, and it's not fix my own problems.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's like, hey, you know what?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: Things suck.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you know what I'm gonna do?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go do something nice.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and doing a kind act of any sorts actually helps down regulate, like be in a bad mood and just go pay for the coffee in line for the person behind you, your bad mood changes.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not just because, oh, you know, okay, well, I I snapped out of it, is what we tell people, right?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like we use those types of phrases that, you know, oh well, I snapped out of it, I'm fine now.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, there's physically things we can do to to to downregulate that nervous system and to actually make a cognizant shift, and generosity is one of them.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's one of the ways that we can do that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: And there's multiple ways we can do that, by the way.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: And as you and I were even talking pre-show, it's like, you know, sure, I can buy something for someone, I can give to charity, I can feed to this.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: All of those are financially related.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality is, is the financial aspects of giving are only one of what I call five different pillars of generosity.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: And that is, sure, I can give you my money.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: But Jaclyn, I'll give you the example.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I can give somebody my time.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe it's maybe it's volunteerism, maybe it's just helping the neighbor, maybe it's mowing the lawn, doing this snow removal for the person next door who can't do it, like whatever.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Those are acts of time.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's wisdom.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a business owner, right?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a business owner who has been in business for many years, and I have a staff, but there's a lot of other people who even I just before I got on this call, was on the phone with a potential client who's excited to work with us.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm giving, granted, it's a business transaction, I understand.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: But before it even turned into a business transaction, I approach every one of those conversations I have with my best advice.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you ever do business with me or not, I'm not withholding my knowledge.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because by withholding my knowledge, all I'm doing is trying to manipulate you into signing a contract.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna give you my best work before you ever write me a check, and then hope that maybe that turns into a check because you see that I'm being transparent.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: But if it doesn't, man, I want to do great things with you.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and there's there's a there's a um there's a generosity of presence.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: How do I show up in my relationships when I'm out to dinner with a friend or family member or or on a date?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, is my phone sitting on the table?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Am I distracted?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Am I thinking about me rather than how I can be part of that other person?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then the last one that I actually want to articulate and maybe spend a minute on is this idea of being generous towards myself.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that is, you know, with the the flight crew tells you to put your own mask on before helping the passenger beside you.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no way that I can be a person who's giving if I never receive and I never nurture my own soul.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there is there is an act of generosity towards me that needs to take place either.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I need fed so that I can feed, and that's you know, empty cups can't pour in.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was just gonna say, you know, the there is a really great kids' book.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's um and it's all about filling the cup, filling somebody's cup, right?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that, and so as I'm thinking about, like we have to keep our own cup.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: When our cup drains, we drain.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so as you're just saying sharing, you know, you have to feed that cup and fill it.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, again, you can't help other people.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if that cup is filled with water and you need to, and there's lots of people that are thirsty, and you're the part of that spicket, you kind of have to keep you you gotta fill that up so that you can give hundred percent.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I I can only give out of my own abundance.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think that is that is a piece that for a lot of people is missing, simply because there is a um what I want to say that there's there's a misconception that doing something for me is selfish, you know, when in fact doing something for me is often the way that I'm able to do something for someone else.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I it puts me in a position of of of ability um to just simply be there.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so sometimes it is the most, I say it's the holiest thing a person can do is to take a nap some days.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because the reality is is like, and I know me, like I know that just as much as I can get into that oxytocin generosity, I'm happy with everybody's state.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I can also move in the other direction very quickly.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And and it's when I find a way to you know have the emotional maturity to self-regulate and say, okay, I'm in a really bad place right now.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was in a meeting just this morning.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll confess and say, I'm in a really good mood right now.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're good, we're having a good time.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: My last meeting was nice, but my first meeting of the day wasn't, and it was a very disappointing meeting.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually sat quiet through most of it, and you know, and and our COO was leading the meeting, and I stayed very quiet, and it was very obvious to a room full of people that I was quiet.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And and and I said, I'm like, look, I I'm just I'm still processing some of what happened yesterday, which you know, there was there was some chaos yesterday.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm still processing that, and until I have something to add, it's best I don't add.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like my act of generosity right tie right now is my silence, right?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right, and some, yeah, it's it's almost like going back to saying, don't say anything unless you have something nice to say, or you don't know, you have to use the right words to say something, and sometimes it's really just to know that.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I need to say things in a in a in a way that brings, you know.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me say this my team is a team that I want to work with, and because I want to work with them, I need to be careful about my words because there's some days that I may not want to, and you know, it's it's the marriage, right?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Where you're furious, don't say divorce because you don't put that one away.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can be mad, you can do whatever, but it's like I had an ex who who was big into like name calling during arguing, and and I I would just look at her like how like how does that seem appropriate?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I understand you're upset about something, we don't agree on this, right?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: But I I see no need in calling a name because I can't put that away.
• 15:20
  unknown: Right.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can't take those those words, don't go back, you know, and sometimes, like I said, sometimes the generosity is in silence.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's a I'm not going to respond to you, and that's how I'm going to give to you right now, is because I'm I'm going to choose not to do those things.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: But this entire book has been a passion project for me, Jacqueline.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and it's a weird topic because when I say things like, uh, you know, this has been my heartbeat, it's like, yeah, it's true.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like this, you know, I spend my life trying to live as a generous person, but at the same time, it's not to stroke my own ego and tell everybody how wonderful I am, right?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like when we did our book launch last week, as I was telling you, like we had a few people that came up and spoke during the book launch.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and our entire intention behind it was, you know, let's let's have a speaking moment, let's uh let's have some people come in and share.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: And we had some some great people, some some other authors.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: We had the you know, former sheriff of the the city of Austin, we had like several people come up and spoke, but the entire topic was not about how they've been generous, but rather how other people's generosity has impacted their lives because that's a safe topic, and I can tell you, people's generosity has impacted me in crazy ways.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like even our team, as we sat around lunch that day, it was like, tell me about the time that somebody has been impactful to you.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: How has somebody fed into you?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it was, and I'm gonna say it was crazy to hear the stories that people shared because it's just they're corners of other people's lives that you may never hear about.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And yet, clearly important moments, like when you ask somebody, what is something that someone else has done and been generous to you?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna share a story.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: A young guy on our team, great guy, he's a young black man, and he said about how he went to college in a town that was that was not, and he's just such a good guy that was that was not very integrated.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, during one particular holiday, most of the people who went to school there actually uh went home for the holidays, but him and a couple of friends of his that were there, who all happened coincidentally to be black men, they actually stayed in town for the holiday.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Well, we had an honors banquet coming up where we were getting awards for you know sports performance as well as academic performance, and so on.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, I didn't have a suit.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, and me and a couple of my friends went to JC Penny's to buy a suit, and one of the ladies in the store, one of the shopkeepers or the the the retail workers, accused them of shoplifting and called the police.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: And he says, you know, and and again, great guy.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: I I believe him that nothing weird was going on.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: And this was his story about how someone had been radically generous towards him was she accused us of shoplifting and called the police.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: So when security came, they detained them until the police got there.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And when the police started questioning them, he's like, We were sitting here, like, but we literally didn't do anything.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I we're trying to buy a suit for an honors banquet.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, and this little lady who was in there actually stepped up and said, I've been in the store the entire time that these young men have been here, and I've simply watched them shopping.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: They've done nothing wrong.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, and her generosity and risking her own self and her whatever stepped up and said, These young men did nothing wrong.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, and the police suddenly like changed, and he and I forget what her name was, Miss Betty or something.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: He was telling her, and he's like, She just stood up for a group of guys that was doing nothing wrong and said, These young men have just literally been shopping in the store.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this lady is making an accusation based on race, and that's not fair.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, She came to our graduation, she came to the banquet.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, We've stayed in contact.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I still hear from her.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just and it was just funny because I wouldn't know that.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's just he's a great guy, and and we're just sitting, a bunch of us are sitting around lunch, and you know, so tell me some but some someone's been generous towards you.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And then he tells me this terrible story about profiling.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh my gosh, like what a great story, but what a sad story.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's got both.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: So so I, you know, this is so this is like, you know, I it's bringing me back to a conversation that I recently had with an with another guest that was on, and something that he shared, and I and I want to kind of bring back this generosity about giving and leadership, which is, and you said, you know, even when you're having conversations with, you know, a prospective client, it's it's the information that you can give, um, you know, whether it's advice or tips or you know, you know, so that you're sharing of yourself and your knowledge.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to bring it to the same concept at leadership because this idea of of really being generosity with in being generous with your wisdom goes really, really far in leadership.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: So the example is that um I had a guest on and he was talking about his path to being you know, a major CEO of a company.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, I owe it to an ex-person at X Company who brought me under their wing and didn't it wasn't, I was not an adversary.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: They they instilled wisdom on me to help me be better, to help me flourish.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think this is something that I that I also just want to, you know, for the guests listening to this, this is a huge insight to be generous with your wisdom because as a leader, the people that are on your team that you that are working with you, the biggest thing you can do is share wisdom to help them get that wisdom to help them become great leaders themselves.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if I can add something in there and 100 100% agree with you, but to take it next level, and that is wisdom is the is the resource that not everyone has.
• 21:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: We we all have some amount of money, even though some have more than others, and we all have the same amount of time, and we all have the same ability to be present in our situations, but when it comes to wisdom.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: It starts narrowing the funnel there, right?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Fewer people have the ability to give that resource, which in my opinion means it's more incumbent on those of us who have that to be willing to share.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's, and there's a belief or or a misconception, I think, in a lot of circles that if I have knowledge in an industry or I have a secret sauce, like I need to hoard this so that I have security, because the fewer people that know this, the more, the more the less commoditized I am, you know, the the more special I am, the fewer people who know what I know.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think that makes us smaller people.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I would agree.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: It makes, you know, it does.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: When we think that we're holding on to something to think that it's going to be like, oh my God, I have this.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's my carrot.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: In actuality, share the carrots, right?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Share it.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and you know, because people are going to look at you like, oh my God, Mark has all this great wisdom.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And he is, he shares it with other people or he has this knowledge.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I always like it reminds me of, you know, if of you know, Dale Carnegie said it, you know, you want to hire people that are smarter than you to help them rise up.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you can instill that wisdom and the knowledge that you have and give it to other people, that they, because they don't have that, you're just gonna make it better.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna make the world better and the people around you better.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's so key.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's absolutely.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important for us to bear that in mind.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that is, it's a it's a lesson hard learned.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I've had people who've invested in my life, you know, when we were sitting around that lunch table, you know, who's invested in you?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I've got a lot of examples, but the one that really stands out was I, in a past career, um, I was a college professor and then later turned administrator at uh private university.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember our COO, like that guy just invested in me.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I laughingly call him Master Yoda because in his own weird way, he grew me up professionally, and to this day, there are things that he would say to me that I I use his wisdom because he invested, and sometimes it was just a dozen words, and and just with his words, he challenged my thinking.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I remember one time calling him with a Friday crisis, and I had this, and I needed, you know, tell me what what are you thinking?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is what I'm thinking, blah blah blah.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: And we go through this whole conversation, and he listens to me, and I'm like, You're just my sounding board right now, but I need to make a decision on this, and blah blah blah.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Hey, um, go buy this book, call me Monday.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, that was helpful.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like, thank you.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and and you know what?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: I went and bought the book.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: I called him Monday, and I'm like, Thanks, I'm good.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: And and the it was a Malcolm Gladwell book called Blink, which is an amazing book.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: And Gladwell's entire premise in the book is all about understanding how to trust your gut reflexes and not overriding your gut reaction to something with logic.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: And and his entire premise was you're thinking too much.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: You know the answer to your problem, you're thinking too much.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when my follow-up conversation, when I called him and was like, got it, we're good, he he laughed and he's like, His words were super, super minimal.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: You got good instincts, quit questioning yourself.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: And and that was it.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and to this, to this day, and I I laugh because I think my staff sometimes thinks I'm I'm barbaric, because I will meet an interview or a new hire, and I'm like, nope, not the right person.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I get the I get the side glances of you're not even giving them a chance.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, sorry, I've done this enough times that I I know who's gonna work and who's not gonna work because I've just not my first rodeo.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, and I'm like, nope, you can you can give them a try and see what you do.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna tell you how this predicts because I learned to trust my gut, and that was through the generosity of a mentor who gave me permission to do that.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Key thing is, yeah, permission.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so cute, you know, it's curious.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: You when when it comes to those, I think certain things like your gut, it it's there for a reason and it tells you and it speaks to you for something, and we do need to trust it.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you and part of that, and I'm just gonna share about the hiring part, is you know, some of that gut is makes up the values that you have.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if the person that's in an interview situation, you can almost like instinctively know, like, they're not not the values that I want to have, and it's so so important.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and I'll say, like, my background is in clinical psychology, so it comes out quite a bit.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but what I will say is what you're referring to is what we call a limbic response.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that is the subconscious mind processes faster than the conscious mind.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when you meet somebody, what ends up happening is your limbic response, which is actually the sensory area in the brain that recognizes pattern and recognizes danger.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: What we call a gut reaction is actually your subconscious mind processing information that is reminiscent of past information.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when you meet a person, there may be something about them, whether it's the way they look, the way they speak, the way they smell, any of those types of situations trigger subconscious memories.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: And your body responds in the way that it responded the last time that stimulus was a re was uh sensed.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you meet somebody and it just feels wrong, right?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what's happening there?
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, trace that back, and I guarantee you you'll find that there was somebody else who did that.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: You'll, you know, for instance, you'll you'll see like a lot of times I see this in women.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: Women tend to be a little more intuitive, anyways, but you'll notice it with a woman who meets a man and he just creeps her out.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh yeah, like you know what I'm talking about.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: You're a woman.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you've been around some men that you're just like, hmm, like that guy's.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's one that's that's comes right to my mind right now.
• 28:19
  unknown: There you go.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the reality is that that person is likely, if you were to meet somebody who exhibited similar characteristics to that guy, you'd have the same response.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it could be nothing more than the cologne the guy wore, but your body says danger.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: Some stimuluses at a subconscious level triggered some kind of danger response to you and said, danger, be careful.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then what happens often is that we get into, and and from a hiring standpoint, let me let me draw that connection.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we meet a person who behaved the way a past employee behaved.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, this person came in, answered questions the same way as a past before uh past employee, and you know how that ended.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're no longer there, you're obviously not good, right?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's a past employee.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: That person's not here anymore.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds me of an uncomfortable or or unpleasurable experience in the past, and my and my brain says, don't do that twice.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and that's really that that's what a gut is, you know, that that is the check.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: And subconsciously, that data comes first, and then consciously we tend to logic our way around it, and like, oh, but the resume is so good, and oh, the education background is so good, and the person dressed up really pretty, and you know, and part of you is just like I just I have yeah, and it's like, and I've just learned, you know, when you talk about sharing wisdom, like I I do this with my team, like I'll meet somebody that they're all excited about, and I'm like, no, like I think you're making a mistake, and they're like, Why?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, because I can predict that you're going to end up in this pattern.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if they make the decision anyways, because I allow it, if they make the decision anyways, nine out of ten times, you know, there's a you know, and I don't do the I told you so because we all lose.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's they might come back and say, Mark, you're right.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I should or or you know what they could you they could.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then the next time they may trust my my gut on something or train their own.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, Mark, I could talk to you for hours because I love the whole psychology of like business too.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, like, there's so much.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm thinking about, you know, my coaching, we talked about anabolic and catabolic energy, and I was like, there's a whole part of that too.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, so I think a lot of our hours on that.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, you really have shared some really great insights, and I think, you know, listeners, you know, to be a great leader, you know, again, there's a lot of different ways that we can be generous and generous of with your time, your wisdom.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, with you know, yes, you can give gifts and things like that, but really think about the wisdom that you can impart on the people that are in your fold.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so Mark, share with us, you know, where can people get the books?
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: How can they connect with you, get more of your wisdom?
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm willing to share anything I have.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna talk it up, but um, anybody who wants to go, just go to themarkyoung.com, the t-h-e markyoung.com, all easy words to spell.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you can go find me there.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: You can find any number of things there, including links to my Instagrams, including book sales for for any of my books are for sale there.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, contacts to my my business, my marketing agency.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: All of that stuff is available right at the markyoung.com, which makes it really easy.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: Or they can go find me on Amazon if they're looking to buy a book there.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Or for that matter, they are also more than welcome to uh download at Apple Books or Audible or any of the audio places.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: I tell everybody if you're listening to the audio, listen to it at 1.4, and that actually sounds like me.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to it at 1.4.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually the way I talk.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: So the way I read may be a little bit slower.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's so funny.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I listen to a lot of things at 1.5 because it's like the one point that just like one like, yeah, it's a little slow for me because I'm uh I'm from new, I'm from New England, and so I talk fast and exactly, exactly.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, Mark, I have just loved this conversation.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being an amazing guest.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: And listeners, if you have gotten value out of this, which I'm sure you have because I know I have, click subscribe.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Also, please share this episode um with your friends, colleagues, because you know, again, sharing is caring.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and um if you can also just head over to all of the things that Mark, you know, go to the Mark Young.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, his what my God, I can't speak right now.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: The website.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: You said themarkyoung.com and just connect with Mark there as well.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: So again, thank you so much for listening to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight podcast.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jacqueline Strominger, and again, thank you all for listening.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you, Mark.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jacqueline.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jacqueline Strominger, and I want to thank you so much for listening to the Unstoppable Leadership Spotlight, Influential Leaders and Their Game Changing Insights podcast.
• 33:17
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• 33:26
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• 33:32
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• 33:44
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• 33:57
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• 34:02
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• 34:05
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• 34:10
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• 34:12
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• 34:19
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• 34:24
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• 34:33
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• 34:46
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