Latest / The Curve / RTC116: From commune to comeback, with Julia Strelou.

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RTC116: From commune to comeback, with Julia Strelou. · The Curve

0:00
Welcome to Raising the Curth, a podcast designed to teach you everything you need to know
0:05
to be better with your money.
0:07
And the wise words of Amy Shurma were slipping carrots into the brownie recipe.
0:11
I don't really get the saying.
0:13
It's kind of like eating vegetables that actually taste good.
0:17
You know, I'm like staring at it with you.
0:19
Are you on the script?
0:20
It's basically like saying, investing in finance can be boring, but it totally doesn't
0:26
need to be.
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OK, OK, so we're making it fun by putting the carrot.
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OK, the vegetables are just good for you.
0:33
It's the brownie recipe.
0:34
OK, we got there, we got there.
0:36
OK, OK, well, you've really got a finance brain.
0:38
Yeah, one of us has to.
0:40
This is a joke.
0:41
OK, come and learn alongside me from Vick Harris, ex-fun manager.
0:45
Well, I'm going to ask all the questions that you wish you could.
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And I'm going to be eating all the brownie you wish you could.
0:50
No, that's so not the joke, Vick.
0:53
Oh, OK, just come and talk and learn and laugh with us.
0:56
Because together, we really can raise the curve.
1:01
Today's episode is one that I must say personally, I found really hard to record,
1:07
is someone who has been in a relationship that was pretty deceitful.
1:14
And there was a lot of lying and manipulation.
1:18
This was really difficult, but important and a really inspiring story.
1:25
So it's just worth noting minor trigger warning,
1:29
not really minor kind of major, for financial abuse of situations.
1:35
So Julia, where to even begin?
1:38
So her name is Julia Strylo.
1:39
She grew up on a commune in the Weed Capital of Australia.
1:44
And she, gosh, honestly, to say that she had a slightly different childhood
1:50
would definitely be an understatement.
1:52
She grew up on a commune.
1:54
She wasn't exposed to money or finances or electricity
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until she was much older.
2:00
So when she left the commune, spoiler,
2:03
she found herself in three pretty abusive relationships
2:09
when it came to money particularly.
2:11
And it all comes to it's actually, I'm not going to give too much away,
2:15
but she found herself in $30,000 worth of debt.
2:19
She was incredibly unhappy and lost.
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And the experience is that she had up until all that point
2:24
and makes so much sense as to why that was her experience.
2:27
But the way that she's bounced back and has rebuilt her life
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is truly inspiring.
2:34
So I hope that you love this episode.
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I also just wanted to say for anyone who maybe
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finds this triggering from having similar situations
2:42
or is looking to unpack their own subconscious beliefs
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because for me, there was lots of stuff that kind of came up
2:50
after this.
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And I ended up actually finding a coach called Peter Howell.
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He's awesome.
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And I've been working with him after this episode
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just to unpack some of my own traumas.
3:00
And he's been really amazing.
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So just thought it was worth mentioning.
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In case there was anyone who was interested in working with him,
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I'm going to put the link in the show notes.
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But yeah, hope you love the episode.
3:12
Love to hear any feedback.
3:14
And yeah, enjoy.
3:16
Oh, Julia, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast
3:20
The reason we stumbled across Julia,
3:21
my mum actually heard you speaking at,
3:25
I think as a like impact 100 or some,
3:28
you were speaking at some event and she was just going on
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and on and on about how amazing you were
3:36
and how we have to have you on the pod.
3:38
And normally, Vick and I have mothers that have ideas
3:41
that we don't always want to implement.
3:44
Sometimes too much input or too many ideas.
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And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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So yeah, I'm glad that you actually listened to this song.
3:51
So when I looked you up and I found out a bit more about you
3:53
upbringing in your life and I was like, wow, amazing.
3:56
Like what a fascinating story.
3:58
So thank you so much.
3:59
Do you, do you sometimes find when your parents
4:03
or when your mum makes a suggestion and you're like,
4:06
no, no, no, no, and then when it's actually good,
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you're like, okay, you know,
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you're almost like to a stranger that you were wrong
4:13
and you're like, okay, yeah, that's a good idea.
4:17
Yeah, but you're inside.
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You're like, yes, yes, yes.
4:20
I think it's funny that that speech I made
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opened with the line.
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I ate my first weed cookie by accident at age seven.
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And that's the person your mum is promoting.
4:29
Yeah.
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So she might be cooler than you think.
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True.
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So true.
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So to rewind for anyone who doesn't know anything about you
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and you know, you've got this incredible poetry
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and so much of the work you do now is amazing
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to think what you're upbringing was
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and comparative to, you know, we've ended up today
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as just like incredibly inspiring.
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Would love to hear if you feel comfortable
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sharing what life was like growing up in Nimbim,
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what even is community living?
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Do you have any examples like can you try and describe it
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for those who grew up in a really traditional household
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and maybe don't quite understand the extent of
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of what that would have been like for you?
5:09
Yeah, sure.
5:10
So for those people who don't know Nimbim,
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Nimbim is a town in Northern New South Wales
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and it is known as the weed capital of Australia.
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So picture Amsterdam, if Amsterdam was just a single street
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in the Australian bush.
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And surrounding Nimbim is all of these communes,
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hippie communes that were formed after a festival
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the 1973 Aquarius Festival, which was in Nimbim.
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And the hippies came for that festival
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and they didn't want to go home.
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So they bought the land of struggling dairy farmers
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and they turned them into communes.
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Wow.
5:45
Wow.
5:46
Yeah.
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So I grew up on one of those communes,
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one of the original communes formed by the OG hippies
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from the 1973 Aquarius Festival.
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And the idea is,
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everyone comes together, we have communal centres
6:02
that we all go.
6:03
So we didn't have a TV.
6:05
We lived in, it was practically a shack.
6:07
Our first home was just a caravan
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on a burnt down house side.
6:11
And then we moved into our actual house.
6:13
We upgraded.
6:15
But it was, it was very shack like.
6:17
And we didn't have electricity.
6:19
We didn't have running hot water.
6:21
We used candles at night time.
6:23
It was very primitive.
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But there was a house, a shared house
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that had mains power that we could all go to use.
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And a shared kiln where you could go and make pottery.
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Shared dairn.
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So those aspects were really great.
6:39
Well, so, so in terms of the functionality
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of living in a place like that,
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do you go to school?
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Is there how many people were around?
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Like, I really can't even picture what that looks like.
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Is it a, like, a huge piece of grass
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that everyone has, like, pulled a camper van up?
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Or does it feel like a mini city?
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Like, what, what?
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I honestly can't even imagine.
7:00
Yeah, like a picture in campground, kind of.
7:03
No, no, no, nothing like that guy.
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Picture a forest with dirt roads running through it.
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You don't really see any houses
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because they're all tucked away in their own patch of forest.
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Yeah, and at the top of, like, the highest point.
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So we went, the roads kind of go down into the forest
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at the highest point.
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Because there was two communities next door to each other.
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The highest point of both there's this communal house.
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It's kind of at the entry of the commune that shared
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and very obvious.
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But then it just goes into bushland.
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So you all live in your own houses.
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Here is houses.
7:38
Yeah, but you'll come to either for eating.
7:40
Is it for eating?
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No, everyone eats their own food as well.
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They do have kitchen, kitchen functionalities
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at the community center.
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And if there is food in there, it's kind of a fray for all.
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But everyone has their own house or their own TP
7:54
or their own bus or, you know, those kind of things.
7:57
So how do you then save or pay for things like food groceries
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or is it all growing on site?
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Like how does that work in terms of, um,
8:06
yeah, like the individualism within the community?
8:09
So I would say, I don't know what's going on there now.
8:13
But when I was a kid,
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everybody would have been on the benefit
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that lived on the commune.
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So that's how they got their money.
8:19
Oh, and so would they then go out and buy food
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or like, did you ever see the outside world?
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Like, what was that like?
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So the closest town was in Edinburgh, obviously,
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which is about 20 minutes drive from the commune.
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And then the nearest big town was Lismore,
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which was about 40 minutes to an hour's drive.
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And yes, a lot of people were self-sufficient in the sense
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that they had solar power.
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They had rainwater.
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They had veggie patches,
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but everybody still went to town in some sense to get things.
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Was there a sense of relying as much as you can
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on the land and the resources around you
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so that you didn't end the community itself,
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rather than having to spend money and go
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and pay for groceries, et cetera?
9:04
Yeah, I think there was.
9:05
That sense in some people.
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There's a lot of different kinds of people
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living on the commune.
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So they're on the communes.
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I'm speaking about the two neighbouring communes.
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They were called Lilyfield and Nimbingy.
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And there was definitely some people
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that were very in that self-sufficient
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kind of like the stereotypical
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hippie commune living that you picture.
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But then there was actually all kinds of people on there.
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With Nimbing being the men in Amsterdam,
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there was some people who were quite involved
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in the marijuana trade as well and those kind of things.
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So how many people were there?
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Yeah, I'm just going to take a guess.
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Maybe 50?
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Is that all?
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And that would have been adults and kids.
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Yeah.
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So did you go to school or like,
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how did you learn what does that look like?
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So primary school, there was a two primary schools
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right up the road from both of the communes.
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So primary school was totally fine.
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But high school had to travel too.
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You could go to high school in Nimbing.
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I just chose not too.
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So I was a bit scared to go to high school in Nimbing.
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So I went to high school in Lismore,
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which was the one out.
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It took me two hours had to change buses
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to get to high school.
10:19
Yeah.
10:20
Wow.
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A two hour commute.
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So you, sorry if this is sounding really like obvious.
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But so would your parents give you money for the bus?
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You take your own luncheon?
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Like, were you aware of how different your living circumstances were
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from the other people at the school or?
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Well, yes.
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And primary school, when I first started primary school,
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I was quite oblivious.
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I had hand-painted clothes, hand-packed lunches.
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And I thought my hand-painted clothes were awesome.
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Like, mum hand-painted me a full outfit with tinting on it.
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But then as I progressed through primary school
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and got to the older years, for example,
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the first incidents that I ever had
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that I wasn't like.
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The other kids was this girl decided to make me her charity case.
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And she carried a hat around school,
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saying, can I have food for the Julia Foundation?
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Because she noticed that I didn't have any lunch.
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And then she brought in a whole bag of clothes for me
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and said, like, these are my donations.
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So at that time, there was an add-on TV for South Asian Army
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where the kid goes, thanks for all these.
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And she would make me say that to her
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at the time I gave her what she's doing it out of kindness.
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Like, she thought in her head it was she was doing the right thing
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or was it from like a kind of a bullying?
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She was a little bit like, it was a little bit like,
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clueless, like I was the girl.
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She was chair and I was her prodigy.
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Got you, OK, yeah.
11:48
Yeah, I don't think in the long term,
11:52
she was not a great friend, yeah.
11:55
Was that your first realization that you did grew up
12:00
in a different living environment to your peers
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or was that your earliest memory?
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Yeah, that was definitely the first memory.
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That friendship was the first memory that I wasn't like my peers.
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But then when I went to high school,
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you know, really spirited out of control
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because no one in high school lived on the commune.
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Everybody had televisions, everybody had electricity.
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And if you guys can remember for high school,
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if you said something like you didn't have a TV,
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you would be ridiculed and teased.
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So I had to pretend that I did.
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And everyone would be talking about neighbours,
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which is, you know, the Australian version of Shortland Street.
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And I'd just be pretending that I knew what they were talking about.
12:39
Oh, please.
12:41
Did you go home and complain and ask for things to be different
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or were you really happy as a kid?
12:47
Like I'm just, I'm kind of trying to understand
12:50
what elements of it you embraced and enjoyed
12:54
and was like a really lovely part of your childhood.
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And then what were things that were really hard
13:00
and you resented about it?
13:02
I was really happy as a kid until I went to high school
13:05
and then it was horrible and I did complain
13:08
and I came home and like sometimes would break stuff.
13:13
And yeah, I was being not a great teenager when I went to high school.
13:19
Which was money ever talked about in a sense
13:23
at home in terms of when you would ask for things or
13:27
yeah, when you came home and you were like,
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why don't we have a TV or what was your kind of first memory
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of money being talked about?
13:35
It's a really great question
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because I try and I do a lot of thought
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into those first formative seven years
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and what experiences I may have had.
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And it's really difficult to remember
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what experiences I had in those early, early years.
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But I had these two financial role models.
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My mom and my dad, my mom was on the benefit
13:57
and was often making ends meet.
13:59
We didn't have money for anything really ever.
14:02
It was always a struggle and that was where we lived
14:05
in the kind of shack like house
14:07
and didn't have electricity use candles.
14:09
Those kind of things were as my dad had a nicer house
14:11
on the neighbouring commune because he had money
14:13
because he was working in the marijuana trade at that time.
14:18
And he had this kind of disposable income, you know?
14:23
And he also dabbled in like the stock market.
14:25
He dabbled in all these kind of like fast money initiatives
14:29
and then would just spend the money.
14:31
So do you think if you've looked at like,
14:33
okay, actually, let's just pause for a second.
14:36
So thinking about your childhood and your experience
14:41
having quite obviously a lot less than other kids
14:45
and being in a situation where you couldn't really do anything
14:47
to change that I imagine of what you couldn't go
14:49
and get a job if you wanted to or it was kind of,
14:51
there was other things within the commune
14:53
that took up your spare time.
14:54
Would that be right?
14:56
Well, yeah, you couldn't go and get a job
15:01
because there was no jobs on the commune
15:03
and the nearest town was 20 minutes away.
15:06
So my first job actually was working on a way dealers farms
15:12
working for your dad.
15:13
Yeah.
15:15
I think I think if I think I find to talk about it
15:17
because it's like years later and those kind of things
15:21
but my dad lives on the straight now.
15:23
Like he's not in the business anymore.
15:24
So, but that was a bit of a segue.
15:27
Sorry, the question was, didn't know.
15:29
There was no options to get normal jobs on the commune.
15:33
There's no shops out there or anything like that
15:36
and without a car or anything like that.
15:39
So I didn't learn how to drive until I was 24
15:43
and a boyfriend taught me because it just wasn't something.
15:46
So then in terms of, sorry,
15:50
I'm really trying to get a good picture
15:53
for what life was like because I think,
15:55
yeah, it's just so, so far from what I experienced as a kid.
16:00
And I kind of can't even imagine how that has now impacted
16:03
your life, which will obviously get to a minute.
16:05
But was there, was there anything really problematic happening?
16:09
Like at what point were you like,
16:10
I actually really know if I want to live here forever.
16:13
How did you kind of come to thinking about life outside
16:18
of the commune?
16:20
Yeah, we're definitely.
16:22
Once you got to high school and you went to your friends' houses
16:26
and you saw that, hey, well, these guys have flush toilets.
16:28
These guys have a shower that has walls
16:30
because ours was just a bathtub in the scrub.
16:33
And the listeners are probably picturing like a glamping tub.
16:37
But this was just a lopsided rusty old thing in the bushes.
16:41
So when I, all my dream was I just wanted to move out of home,
16:46
get a great job and get an apartment.
16:48
I thought a modern apartment I would have made it in life.
16:53
Was there any kind of, it wasn't some sort of like weird drink
16:59
the Kool-Aid spiritual, there was none of that stuff.
17:03
It was like kind of just pure, happy living, would you say?
17:06
Yeah, yeah.
17:08
There was none of that stuff.
17:10
No, everyone was their own kind of little unit.
17:14
Yeah.
17:15
And it's kind of like you don't know what you don't know.
17:18
Do you know what I mean?
17:20
It's not until you actually ventured out
17:22
and you interacted with people that had different upbringing
17:24
so you were like, hang on, I have got less than
17:27
or you know, I have had a very different upbringing.
17:30
I think that's kind of, I guess a example of
17:35
everything that happens in the world, you know,
17:37
if your like, stuff and I went to a very privileged school
17:39
and was surrounded by a lot of wealth,
17:42
and that again, in turn, it's kind of similar in terms of
17:46
you see what other people have and you kind of, you want that,
17:49
you strive for that and they're almost...
17:52
Stick in Paris and start solidly.
17:54
Competitiveness, yeah.
17:56
Yeah, 100% and there's that saying,
17:59
comparison is the thief of all joy.
18:02
And it's funny when you look back, I'm talking to you guys now
18:06
and I would have just loved a flush toilet
18:08
and I would have loved just a simple apartment,
18:11
but now that I've run in circles of much more wealth,
18:15
of course, I want more than that.
18:17
So yeah, it's kind of like when does it stop?
18:20
Do you know what I mean?
18:21
Like when does that wanting more stop?
18:23
Or when do you reach that point of satisfaction of,
18:26
I am content, I am happy, I feel like I've succeeded
18:31
in whatever aspect of my life that I wanted to succeed?
18:34
I don't know, it's interesting, it's always,
18:36
and now we are so inundated with news and images and articles
18:43
and just so much information on a daily basis
18:47
that there's that constant craving of wanting more and more.
18:51
I fell, yeah.
18:54
When you're on Instagram and you're watching everyone
18:56
like in Saint-Tropez and all these influencers
18:58
just having these oysters all the time
19:00
and you're like, where's my oysters?
19:03
But then I think that you could get there
19:05
and you could be in such a Saint-Tropez
19:07
and you could be having oysters
19:08
and then you see someone else who's like,
19:10
I don't know, doing something else
19:12
and you're like, damn, I want to be there, I don't know,
19:13
it's like this constant reminder of,
19:15
money doesn't always bring success and happiness,
19:18
it's something internal as well.
19:21
Yeah, and I think that's actually one of the,
19:23
there is a lot of great things
19:25
that have come out of that childhood on the commune
19:27
and one of the things now that I've moved through
19:33
the bad part and come out the other side
19:36
is that gratitude for things outside of finances as well.
19:40
Like just appreciating beauty and the little things.
19:45
Can we talk about when you decided to leave?
19:47
What was the reason and how did your family
19:50
and friends and people inside the commune react?
19:53
Was it something that you just woke up one day
19:56
and you thought, I'm done with this
19:57
or had you finished school and it was time to get a job?
20:00
Like what was that transition phase like for you?
20:03
Yeah, so I knew that I would leave as soon as I finished high school,
20:06
I finished high school at 17 and left home then
20:09
and I have never, I've been back twice
20:11
for just like hour long visits
20:13
but I've never gone back to stay on,
20:16
or sleep on the commune ever again since I left
20:20
and I was very ready to go out
20:23
and move to this more than nearest town as soon as I could.
20:29
Yeah, I never went back.
20:31
Did you, did you have to have like,
20:33
did you save some money?
20:34
Did you have a financial plan?
20:36
Will you like, right?
20:37
I'm gonna get an apartment I need.
20:40
I don't know, a couple hundred dollars for what plan did you make?
20:43
And would your family like, okay, bye, no worries,
20:46
or they like don't leave, like how did they even go down?
20:50
Oh no, they were like, okay, bye, off you go.
20:55
We have my, my mum, I love her and she loves me
20:58
but she's not, she doesn't coddle me or nurture me
21:01
and I was a pretty destructive teenager
21:03
because I was so upset.
21:04
So she was pretty ready for me to go.
21:07
But as for how I got money,
21:08
I worked for one of my father's friends
21:12
in doing sim-snipping.
21:14
Nice.
21:15
Yeah.
21:16
And I had a little turn in my room
21:18
and I just saved the money in there
21:19
and I think I saved like a thousand dollars
21:21
and that was enough for me to move out
21:24
and get a place in Lisbon with my friends
21:28
and start my journey into the real world.
21:31
Holy.
21:32
Even knowing you have to save money,
21:35
you know that the whole concept,
21:37
well I guess, sorry, I guess you did go to school
21:39
outside of the commune
21:40
and so you kind of would have known.
21:41
But I can't imagine that there would have been
21:43
a lot of people on the commune that were saving
21:47
or that you could follow in their footsteps
21:51
in that sense.
21:52
It was no representation of like, this is how I do it.
21:54
Yeah.
21:55
Yeah, and all honesty guys,
21:57
I had no idea about money
22:00
until five years ago.
22:03
I just barreled out onto the world
22:06
and I knew that I wanted this kind of loose vision
22:10
for what I wanted,
22:10
but I didn't even have any idea how to go after goals
22:13
or anything like that.
22:14
No one had ever told me to set goals
22:16
and yeah, just barreled out into the world.
22:20
Well, you seem to be doing a great job now,
22:23
sorry.
22:24
Because it's been a tough, hard five years
22:25
just working really, really hard.
22:28
So you've just got such brilliant energy.
22:31
I don't know if you get told a lot,
22:32
but you've got such a happy, like lovely energy.
22:36
And I'm sure that's not.
22:38
I mean, there's got to be something for growing up in nature
22:40
for all of the stuff that sucked
22:42
and all of the, you know, really primitive,
22:46
quite harsh conditions I imagine you grew up in.
22:49
There's also something kind of incredible
22:51
about being so close to nature.
22:54
And yeah, I'd love to get into that in a bit
22:56
like how you've managed to,
22:57
if you've sort of started to integrate
22:59
some of those things back into your life now
23:00
that you have more resources.
23:03
But, but before we get there,
23:05
can you just talk to,
23:07
so your relationship with money obviously
23:09
was reasonably dismissive or I guess just not really
23:11
something that you had understood or worked on or really,
23:15
there wasn't a lot of awareness around how to earn,
23:19
save, I'm guessing investing was like well over,
23:22
you know, over there.
23:25
What kind of experiences did you have with money
23:27
when you left the commune?
23:28
Was there any defining moment where you were like,
23:30
oh wow, I've like spent all of it
23:33
and now I have to learn the hard way on this
23:35
or you were in a relationship
23:36
and there was financial abuse or there was,
23:39
I don't know, like what was some of the big things
23:41
that happened to you when you left
23:43
that have made you rethink and rework on
23:46
your relationship with money?
23:48
Yeah, I think that, as I said,
23:50
I just bowed down into the world, I always worked,
23:53
I always worked really, really hard
23:54
and I worked my way from working at Woolworths
23:58
to working in retail to then finishing my degree
24:02
and getting a job in media
24:04
and then going through numerous abusive relationships
24:09
at that same time with still no recognition
24:12
really of money.
24:13
It wasn't until I moved to Christchurch
24:16
and started working in a job that I worked
24:19
with real estate agents and real estate business owners
24:22
that I started to even think about investments,
24:26
even slightly, they just, they became my radar.
24:31
And yeah, I think this, the moment if I was to,
24:35
I think rock bottom is always a series of events
24:38
but if I was to pinpoint one moment,
24:40
it was when I was driving down the freeway in Christchurch
24:43
and I was in my third abusive relationship
24:46
and I wanted to leave but I didn't have any money
24:50
and at this point I did have a six figure corporate job
24:54
but my partner spongeed everything he could for me
24:56
and I also spent the rest out partying on weekends
25:00
because I was trying to escape my life.
25:02
And that was the one defining moment
25:07
and then after that moment it was a series
25:09
of subtle little shifts but if I was to say,
25:14
the one, the biggest catalyst to help me starting
25:17
learning about money was reading my first self-help book.
25:22
What was that?
25:23
At 29.
25:25
My first self-help book was Think and Grow Rich.
25:30
I love you went to a money one first.
25:33
Very catchy title.
25:34
I'd be like, yes, I wouldn't read that.
25:37
Exactly, exactly.
25:38
And then I kind of read Rich Dad Poor Dad
25:40
but the book, the books that actually really helped me,
25:43
the two books that really helped me the most
25:45
was a New Zealand author, Frances Cook.
25:47
Oh, yeah, she's amazing.
25:49
Oh, yeah.
25:49
Financial hot mess because she spoke, I was,
25:52
I mean, she was saying she was a hot mess and I was like,
25:54
girl, you have no idea.
25:58
She had like the two, right now I have minus 30,000 dollars
26:02
of credit card debt.
26:05
I am a hot mess.
26:07
Can we talk about, I want to go back to where you said,
26:11
you wanted to leave but you had no money,
26:15
no savings.
26:16
What was that feeling and how did you kind of overcome that?
26:20
What were the steps that you put in place in order to leave
26:24
or to have some money to then make that decision to leave?
26:28
And I guess what would you do differently?
26:30
I'm just trying to get out here in terms of,
26:33
if someone's listening who's in a similar situation,
26:36
what steps can they take or what steps should they be putting
26:39
in place in order to not feel like you did
26:42
and not have to stay in a situation they don't want to?
26:45
Yeah, so I went to first and it was I went to the rental agency
26:49
and I actually told them I'm in an abusive relationship
26:52
and I don't have the money to pay like the break fee on the lease.
26:55
Could you let me out of this lease and they wouldn't let me out
26:58
of the lease and I was in this, yeah.
27:01
Apparently a rule has come in now that you can,
27:03
but it wasn't in at that time and I was in there like
27:05
bawling my eyes out with my friends saying,
27:07
I've got to get out of this lease that don't have any money.
27:09
So I'm sorry, like anyone who has half the heart would be like,
27:14
don't worry, I'll pay you out of, I'll pay it out of my back pocket
27:17
or we'll sort it out.
27:19
You can pay us back when you can or I don't know, just like,
27:22
come live with me.
27:23
That's horrible.
27:24
Oh, God, some people surprised me.
27:26
So then I, I just transferred, I just said,
27:30
because I had a good pay at this point.
27:32
So I just started not going out ever and transferring some money
27:36
each pay into a secret account.
27:39
And so then when that partner told me that he didn't have any money or he
27:41
needed money, I'd say I had none.
27:43
And if he took my phone and checked my account,
27:46
he could see that he would see I was telling the truth.
27:48
And so after a while, I did have enough money to leave.
27:52
So did you have joint bank accounts?
27:54
No, so all your salary.
27:56
I was just, I was just a, a weeklegging, okay, from money.
28:01
But how did that work? Did he work or,
28:03
and was this the same?
28:04
You said you were in three abusive relationships.
28:06
Were they all similar in terms of financial abuse?
28:09
Or was it mainly, was the other, like,
28:12
did you experience other forms of abusive relationships?
28:14
That's interesting.
28:15
Yeah, the first one was not financial abuse.
28:18
It was the other way around.
28:19
He used to just shower me with gifts and things
28:23
and then use them as a way to control me.
28:25
Like, he'd come around and take back all my gifts.
28:27
Like, he was, he was, he was something,
28:31
and then he'd come back and leave the gifts on the doorstep.
28:34
And me and my sister were just,
28:35
we'd be like, sitting there, we got so used to it.
28:37
We'd be like, oh, yeah, all the furniture's back now.
28:40
Oh, my goodness.
28:42
But this was probably a situation where you just left, right?
28:46
So you might not have had enough to buy your own furniture.
28:48
So those things would have been, he thought he was really helping,
28:51
but then it meant that because you needed those things,
28:54
he could, like, law the move you're here.
28:56
Yeah, he was a lot older than me.
28:58
So, and that was, he was my first real boyfriend
29:02
once I got into the real world.
29:04
And he looks from another time as well.
29:07
Like, and another background culturally
29:10
and like, had had different ideas of, like,
29:13
kind of wanted me to be a wife, you know, that,
29:17
different expectations, I guess,
29:20
in terms of what you did in a relationship.
29:23
Well, he really slapped the commune out of me.
29:25
He probably wanted the total opposite.
29:28
Like the patriarchy put an apron on,
29:30
and cut me some food.
29:32
And it was exactly like that.
29:33
He would speak like this.
29:34
Oh, yeah, doll.
29:35
Oh, yeah.
29:37
Oh, yeah.
29:38
Oh, my God.
29:40
Oh, my God. I have an image of how he looks like.
29:42
He looks like Al Pacino.
29:44
Like Al Pacino, but really tall.
29:47
Oh, God.
29:48
And so the second one.
29:49
A tall Al Pacino.
29:50
The second one, how was that different to the first?
29:54
Yeah, the second one was completely different
29:56
as in, like, he was the same age as me.
29:59
But he pulled the sympathy card,
30:02
which the first one didn't.
30:04
The second one pulled that sympathy card,
30:06
which meant that, and also a lot of fibs.
30:11
Oh, I experienced this.
30:13
Yeah.
30:14
It's like almost compulsive lying
30:16
and like making him look like the victim,
30:18
so you feel like you need to care for them.
30:19
I've so been there.
30:20
Is it like, feel sorry for me?
30:22
Yeah.
30:23
Like, my last girlfriend cheated on me.
30:25
Yeah. Oh, my God.
30:26
I've actually had eggs.
30:27
It's so traumatic.
30:29
What other stuff did you notice with her?
30:30
I'm kind of curious to see if it's things I've experienced.
30:33
No, so yeah, similar that.
30:36
And then just really controlling as in, you know,
30:39
we'd go to the supermarket and he'd be like,
30:41
are you looking at that guy?
30:42
Are we going for dinner and looking at that guy?
30:45
Yeah.
30:46
So I was broken from that one.
30:48
Let's just say, you know, I was this little weak,
30:51
meek, little weakling that looked at the ground
30:54
and was scared all the time, you know,
30:57
if a boy messaged me or even a girl messaged me
31:01
or like, you know, just, yeah, that one really broke
31:06
your confidence.
31:07
Yeah.
31:07
Yeah.
31:08
Yeah.
31:10
And then was the third one was the more financial?
31:14
Yes, that one was fine.
31:15
Oh, no, that one was financial, too.
31:17
The second one was very financial, financially taxing.
31:21
Isn't he drunk money from you?
31:23
Like, how what was the difference?
31:25
I gave him a lot of money.
31:26
Just like, because I felt sorry for him
31:30
or because I loved him and, you know,
31:32
I can't really blame him for that for the money
31:34
that I gave him, except for the fact
31:37
he was a master manipulator.
31:39
But he, there, you know, was incidents
31:42
where he took my card by force.
31:48
But, yeah, yeah.
31:51
I'm so sorry you experienced that.
31:53
Yeah.
31:54
I think it's, I mean, I know this is not
31:56
like, and you know that you're not sharing this
31:58
in a place of, like, pity or feel sorry for me
32:01
that I think, like, there's also something
32:03
to be said for talking about this stuff
32:06
also allows other people to see warning signs
32:09
because I think, and interrupt me if this is kind of not
32:13
how you would explain it.
32:14
But I think when it comes to abusive relationships,
32:17
often you don't realize how bad it is.
32:20
It's because there's so much manipulation involved.
32:23
So I think being able to talk about instances
32:26
and things that you experienced,
32:28
hopefully if someone is in a situation
32:31
that is not fair and loving and equal and not abusive,
32:37
hearing this, maybe there will be little alarm bells
32:39
that ring for people earlier than they might have,
32:42
because it happens a lot more than is spoken about.
32:46
And financial abuse, even if they're not abusing you
32:49
in any other way, but they're just trying to control
32:52
your finances or using manipulation
32:55
to get money out of you, that's still abuse.
32:57
Because money is control and power
32:59
and that's one way of controlling and having power
33:02
over someone is to remove that financial freedom
33:05
or flexibility by taking that card off them
33:09
or you're borrowing endless amounts of money off them
33:12
that they end up in debt
33:14
and therefore they don't have choices or anything.
33:18
What would you say on reflection was almost the,
33:22
I guess the starting point or the start of the financial abuse
33:27
that you were, that you noticed now looking back on it?
33:32
Gosh, definitely stark.
33:35
It started with some of the tall tales that I was told
33:38
in order to part with my money.
33:40
So those were the first, like in the happy day.
33:43
Do you mean like poor me, I've just xyz happened?
33:46
So then you would like rush to save the day
33:48
by helping financially?
33:50
Oh, I can tell you one that was so, I'll give you an example.
33:55
He told me that his dad was going to jail
33:58
and so he needed me to fly,
33:59
buy him flights to fly back to New Zealand
34:02
to be with his dad before his dad went to jail
34:04
because he didn't have any money.
34:05
So I bought him these $500 flights
34:07
and it turns out he was actually flying over here
34:10
to see his ex-girlfriend who he was secretly getting back with
34:14
and his dad was not going to jail
34:16
but that was just one example of like these insane lies.
34:20
This is wild.
34:22
But that would target your heartstrings
34:24
and you'd be like, oh, of course you should go see your father.
34:26
I will totally pay for your flights
34:28
as any normal human was.
34:30
What must he, what is wrong with some people?
34:33
I know, I know.
34:35
In terms of financial red flags
34:37
or financial abuse red flags,
34:40
is there anything that people could kind of hold onto
34:42
or think about to make sure they don't end up
34:46
in that kind of a situation like what kind of,
34:48
if you could talk to yourself again and be like,
34:51
all right, babe, when this happens,
34:54
sell me a lot, you know,
34:55
like what are some things people can kind of just put
34:58
in their back pocket and be aware of?
35:00
I don't necessarily think that any of these guys
35:04
were doing this purposely.
35:06
I don't think they were doing it to manipulate me.
35:09
I just think they didn't really didn't have any money.
35:13
They're bank accounts.
35:14
But so I think from that perspective,
35:17
from my particular relationships,
35:19
a good sign is just they're not being able to pay
35:22
for anything earlier in the relationship.
35:26
And if they do come into money at some point,
35:30
they spend it all and make a big show of like this one time
35:34
that they bought you something
35:36
and then kind of hold it over your head
35:38
so you'll continue to pay for things.
35:41
So do you think it's communication at early stages
35:44
in your relationship in terms of, okay,
35:46
why don't you have any money?
35:48
If you don't have any money when you dispose of income,
35:51
why not?
35:52
What are you spending your money on?
35:53
How can I help in a way that's educating you
35:58
on being better with your money or spending less,
36:01
et cetera, rather than relying on me?
36:03
Well, I think what I'm getting from this is just,
36:06
it's all about having open communication
36:07
and being like, you know, when you do that,
36:10
I feel like this or vice versa or that's okay.
36:15
I'll lend you money for the flights,
36:17
but can you pay me back or let's both go see your dad?
36:21
Or I mean, they're probably bad examples,
36:23
but you know, I think it's like if you're with people
36:26
that supposedly have no money,
36:28
then I think that's a bigger conversation of, okay,
36:31
before we enter into a relationship,
36:33
let's talk about our money or let's talk about our goals
36:37
to make sure we're on the right page or our values
36:39
or why you don't have a lot of disposal income.
36:43
If you're earning, if you're earning a good income,
36:47
I don't know, yeah, I think it's just having open communication.
36:49
And I think it's coming off from like in the sense
36:52
that ladies are feel listening, you know,
36:55
if you love someone and they don't have money,
36:57
that's not a problem.
37:00
I think what the main problem in this scenario was that,
37:03
first of all, I felt really uncomfortable saying
37:06
I didn't have any money or speaking about money
37:08
because of the way I brought up.
37:10
So when they asked me, I would never say,
37:12
I don't have money, I'd just put it on my credit card.
37:15
So a lot of that fault was sat with me and my conditioning.
37:19
And then there was the other that as it started to progress
37:22
and you're giving them more and more money
37:23
and you're like, I'm not really happy anymore.
37:26
I didn't have the self worth to end the relationship
37:29
because I felt like that was all I was deserved
37:32
or that was all I was good enough for.
37:34
I didn't think so I just kept funneling the money.
37:38
So honestly, a lot of the fault in that scenario
37:41
sits with me in the sense that I just kept doing it.
37:46
And it was based on my things that I couldn't control
37:52
like conditioning or neurological conditioning
37:56
that was out of my control
37:57
because I had no awareness that that was the issue
38:01
was my self worth.
38:02
And correct me if I'm wrong,
38:04
but it would almost be triggering for you
38:07
to be to say to your partner, I can't afford that
38:11
or I don't have the money for that
38:15
because of your upbringing and you have worked so hard
38:19
to be able to afford things now that yeah,
38:23
I can totally appreciate and see how you got into situations
38:28
where you were being abused because it can be difficult
38:32
not that I have ever been in that situation before
38:35
but I can totally see where you're coming from now
38:39
after hearing your story, definitely.
38:41
Yeah, and I think they did make mention of, you know,
38:45
having rich girlfriends in the past
38:47
which kind of made me feel like that was,
38:50
like I could compare myself to that and think,
38:52
oh, they had these rich girlfriends in the past,
38:54
I bet it, which could have been a manipulation tactic.
38:58
So I do the sounds of it.
39:00
Yeah, it would have been like,
39:01
I used to date someone that was hotter than you.
39:04
I used to date model all of them.
39:06
Yeah, it's like, okay, cool, good on you.
39:08
Oh my God.
39:09
Oh my God.
39:10
I'm not that.
39:10
Do you think so as well?
39:12
It's so fascinating, you must have been so much therapy
39:15
around this to even be able to say,
39:18
quite a lot of it is my fault, like it's not
39:21
but the fact that you aren't sitting there
39:23
as this like really bitter, dried up old razor
39:28
and being like, fuck them in that took my money,
39:30
you know, you're like, you're very much like,
39:32
oh wow, like that.
39:33
I'm never dating again.
39:34
I can see how that happens.
39:35
But it was a lot of the financial, like you said,
39:38
you had that rock bottom moment and you were like,
39:40
shit, I've been in three abusive relationships.
39:42
I'm now in $30,000 with debt.
39:45
Was a lot of the time when you would give money
39:47
in relationships, it would be on the credit card
39:50
opposed to maybe what you actually had
39:52
and is that how the debt got so big?
39:55
Yeah, that was how it got big.
39:57
And some of it was my bad decisions as well
40:01
because I felt like I had to live this set.
40:05
It was this that constant shame
40:08
that I held inside from my high school years
40:11
and especially when I got into living in Christchurch
40:14
and I did have that sex figure corporate job.
40:17
So I was rolling with people who, you know,
40:20
were spending money in in that corporate lifestyle
40:22
and it always felt like I had to, you know,
40:24
put the bell for everyone.
40:25
My friends called me Donald Trump as a joke
40:27
because I used to just pay for everyone all the time.
40:31
I'm not Donald Trump anymore though, I'm, yeah.
40:34
And do you think that the Donald Trump energy
40:36
was coming from like wanting to be generous
40:38
but not really understanding what was within your ability
40:43
to pay for other people and what was stretching yourself?
40:47
Because I often feel like that.
40:49
I feel like I want to be really generous
40:51
and I want to pay for friends things
40:53
but I'm just not, it's like my bank account
40:57
doesn't reflect how generous I would like to be
40:59
and sometimes I can like push the bow down.
41:02
It's so stressful personally
41:03
because then the money that's meant to be used for essentials
41:06
is not being used for essentials.
41:08
Like is that something that you experienced?
41:10
Yeah, I think it was just that every, yeah.
41:15
I think it was like there's not this understanding
41:18
that I had a good job, this is what you do,
41:21
you go out, you pay for everyone, you have fun.
41:25
That's what you do with money, you know?
41:27
That's what you do when you've got money
41:29
because that's what say my dad would do
41:31
or I never thought that, never thought for one minute
41:34
about smart ways to invest your money.
41:38
And now I'm the complete opposite.
41:40
I barely ever even go out for dinner.
41:42
It's almost like I've conditioned myself
41:44
to have this adversary to money spent out on dinners
41:48
because to me that's the biggest waste now.
41:51
And you probably didn't know about debt
41:53
or the impact of being in debt or credit cards
41:57
or anything like that, really,
42:00
from your, in terms of your upbringing.
42:02
So therefore that would have been a whole learning curve
42:04
as well in terms of, okay, if I borrow money,
42:07
I actually have to pay back more than I borrowed.
42:09
And yeah, I mean, my mum did tell me
42:12
when I was younger, never to get a credit card.
42:14
Oh my God, I can't say I was not telling.
42:20
So how have you worked with you?
42:21
I know you've done a lot of work with your own subconscious
42:23
and starting to unravel your own conditioning
42:26
and the way that you show up in the world,
42:28
comparative later, maybe how you would
42:31
had you not looked at some of the stuff
42:33
that's buried deep inside.
42:36
Because we all have it, it doesn't matter
42:38
how beautiful your upbringing was.
42:39
There's trauma obviously with a capital T
42:42
but there's also trauma with a lowercase T
42:43
and regardless of how you grow up,
42:45
things affected you in different ways.
42:47
So having spent a lot of time working through some
42:50
of that stuff, what have you noticed
42:53
and how have you managed to positively change
42:57
the way that you now interact with finances
42:59
and relationships with money?
43:01
What kind of things did you start to realize
43:02
about yourself and how have you worked
43:05
to shift some of those beliefs?
43:07
Yeah, so I mean, I do have to say
43:10
I have a really good partner now
43:11
and he's been really helpful and it would be unfair
43:14
if I didn't give him a bit of a plug for his assistant.
43:17
So Sam has been very helpful.
43:21
He's owns a business and he's very good at running
43:25
his business and he is kind of like the dad I never had
43:29
which is kind of creepy, but it's true.
43:33
And I did date my dad for years.
43:38
That's who all my bad relationships were.
43:40
No, not my actual dad.
43:43
I'm sure it's hilarious.
43:45
I was like quite disturbing, I'm like, oh gosh.
43:49
Oh, dear God.
43:51
Freud would be having a field day.
43:57
No, I just have no filter.
43:59
No, the problem's a problem.
44:02
So sorry.
44:03
So let's talk about how you sell to identify things
44:06
that were within your subconscious beliefs
44:08
when it came to money and relationships
44:10
and spending and saving and all of that stuff.
44:13
What were things that you managed to be like,
44:15
oh, interesting.
44:16
The reason that I am XYZed with my money
44:19
is because I experienced this.
44:21
And because I think there's a lot that could be learnt
44:23
from other people who know maybe they had a slightly traumatic
44:27
child when it comes to money or their relationship with money
44:30
now isn't great.
44:32
What were your situations and how did you learn from them?
44:35
Because I think a lot of us could probably be an effort
44:37
from hearing how you can be sitting in a place of scarcity
44:41
or no understanding or daddy issues
44:44
that looks like to be transformed that
44:47
and to being a much more positive relationship
44:49
with your finances.
44:50
Yeah.
44:51
So in regards to understanding that conditioning
44:54
and those the way that you handle yourself around money
44:58
from growing up with a lack of money,
45:00
that came from the books.
45:01
So I think Francis Cook's book covers it,
45:04
Rich Dad Poor Dad covers it.
45:06
It's quite, and it was something I never knew before.
45:09
I was like, wow, oh my gosh.
45:11
This is why I've just been spending all of my income.
45:14
This is actually a trait that people who grow up poor do
45:18
because no one teaches them about investments.
45:21
So that was the first kind of understanding
45:24
to look out for those triggers.
45:26
So if I have a, you know,
45:29
this urge to spend all my money,
45:31
I know that that's just which we all probably don't.
45:35
Healthy.
45:36
Healthy.
45:38
Yeah.
45:39
So I had to do some,
45:40
had to do some work to overcome that
45:42
and I still,
45:43
I still get those urge sometimes
45:45
that I still screw up.
45:46
We all, we all do.
45:48
So that was one of them and then also overcoming that shame.
45:51
So now when I go out for lunch with my friends,
45:54
I'll happily say,
45:56
we can split,
45:57
let's split this bill.
45:58
Or if I don't have any money,
46:01
I'll say,
46:02
I can't come to that because I don't have any money
46:04
or I'm trying to save money or I've got this thing on.
46:07
So I can't invest in this thing.
46:10
And that was so difficult for me in the past.
46:13
And so being able to just face,
46:16
get over that shame and actually admit
46:18
when I don't want to spend money on something
46:20
because it's been revolutionary.
46:22
Congratulations.
46:23
I think,
46:24
yeah,
46:25
Alicia,
46:26
a lot, there's a lot in those books
46:27
that they tell you to do things.
46:29
You're like,
46:30
yep, yep, yep,
46:31
and then you can wear this.
46:32
It's hard to implement.
46:33
They take ages.
46:34
Sometimes you can fall off the bandwagon
46:36
or you can slip up and be like,
46:38
oh gosh, I've gone and paid for dinner for everyone again.
46:41
But I think,
46:43
yeah, congrats.
46:44
It's hard.
46:45
It is really, really hard.
46:46
We're only human, you know?
46:47
We just give ourselves a bit of compassion.
46:49
Yeah.
46:50
What about that first thing you mentioned in terms of growing up
46:53
with not a lot and then that sort of weird urge
46:55
you want to spend all your money?
46:57
When you get that urge now,
46:59
do you try and suppress it or not act on that impulse?
47:02
It's just about weighing up,
47:05
I think,
47:06
being able to pause in that moment
47:08
before you make the decision
47:10
and weighing up
47:12
the short-term gratification
47:15
versus the long-term outcome.
47:17
And you made a side once you take that moment to pause
47:20
that it is worth spending that money on that thing.
47:23
But
47:25
if it's not,
47:26
then pulling back.
47:28
And sometimes you're still going to screw up
47:30
and you're still going to spend the money.
47:31
But I think
47:33
once you have that awareness,
47:34
you can go,
47:35
okay, well, I've screwed up.
47:36
I've spent this money on this.
47:37
This means I'm just going to have to tighten up
47:40
in a little other areas.
47:41
And so then,
47:42
if you were to look at your relationship now,
47:44
and I know you said Sam's amazing
47:45
and we're giving him a bit of a shout out for that.
47:47
But just a little plug for you, Sammy.
47:51
How do you manage your finances
47:54
within that relationship now?
47:55
And how has that been really positive
47:57
comparatively to what you've experienced in the past?
48:00
Yeah, so we're both fully independent financially.
48:04
And we intend to,
48:06
we've been together for five years now
48:08
when we don't live together
48:09
and we intend to continue that way.
48:13
I'm not talking about that.
48:15
Yeah.
48:16
It's great.
48:18
And we're both really equal, you know?
48:22
I mean, if we were to say,
48:24
maybe he,
48:25
but it's been more stuff.
48:27
But I think we're both equal
48:29
based on relegation.
48:30
We're going to take away again
48:31
and then give back to you.
48:32
It's going to take away.
48:33
So annoying.
48:35
Yeah.
48:37
But like, for example,
48:39
we're going on a holiday in May,
48:42
and he's bought me the flights,
48:43
which is really lovely of him.
48:44
So I will buy our accommodation, you know?
48:47
So we're pretty,
48:48
and the flights are going to cost more
48:49
than the accommodation.
48:50
So I'm getting the long end of the stick.
48:52
But based on our overall incomes,
48:54
it's all relative.
48:56
So did you take,
48:57
have you taken learnings
48:58
from your previous relationships
48:59
where you had that financial abuse?
49:01
And implemented steps like,
49:03
now you have a,
49:04
like an emergency fund
49:05
or a savings fund
49:06
so that if you ever needed to.
49:08
God forbid,
49:09
run away from Sam.
49:11
You have that.
49:13
Flexibility or that,
49:15
that backup plan,
49:16
that safety net,
49:17
if there are steps
49:18
that you put in place in this relationship.
49:20
Yes.
49:21
So I think in life,
49:23
that was one of the other things.
49:25
Once I started learning about money
49:27
and learning about the way the world works,
49:29
and actually having goals
49:30
and setting steps towards them,
49:32
I realized how important
49:35
having a safety net was
49:36
because I don't have a safety net.
49:37
I don't,
49:38
I can't go in,
49:39
unless I want to go and live out in the shack.
49:40
You know,
49:41
I don't have parents' houses
49:42
that I can go and live out
49:43
if everything falls apart.
49:45
So I think that is one of the reasons
49:47
why I'm really passionate about
49:49
keeping everything separate
49:51
and, you know,
49:52
having my own house
49:54
and just in case,
49:56
I know Sam would never abuse me
49:59
or do anything horrible,
50:00
but just in case we do break up,
50:01
not, you know, having my own security.
50:05
I was just going to say,
50:07
I'm really hope
50:08
that there's no one listening
50:09
that's in that abusive
50:10
or financially abusive relationship.
50:12
However,
50:13
if there is,
50:14
would you have any kind
50:16
words or support
50:19
that you could share
50:20
for people who are feeling
50:21
trapped and scared
50:23
and just have this feeling
50:25
of like,
50:26
how the hell am I going to get out of this?
50:28
Hopefully, there isn't any,
50:29
but if one and three women in New Zealand
50:31
have experienced domestic abuse
50:33
and you guys are in one
50:34
of the top podcasts in New Zealand,
50:36
then unfortunately,
50:37
there probably is some women
50:38
listening who are in abusive relationships.
50:40
And that would always be my first thing
50:42
is just leave
50:44
when you're ready to leave
50:46
and don't feel guilt
50:48
for when you do leave,
50:50
you need to let go
50:51
of that guilt for staying
50:52
longer than you felt
50:53
like you should have
50:54
because all of your friends
50:56
and family make you feel awful
50:58
about it.
50:59
And when you do leave
51:00
or when I did leave,
51:01
I spent years,
51:03
I even decided I was going
51:04
to pretend I was a different age
51:06
because I was like,
51:07
oh my gosh, I spent years
51:08
with all these assholes
51:12
and I suffered that really badly
51:14
as like everyone making you feel like shit
51:16
for not leaving.
51:18
I'm conscious we've been
51:21
speaking for over an hour
51:23
and 15 minutes now.
51:25
So I'm just
51:27
conscious of your time.
51:28
We've got another podcast
51:29
to record,
51:30
but it seems like the worst time
51:31
to be like,
51:32
let's,
51:33
like I feel like we're just getting
51:34
into some really big conversations.
51:36
But yeah,
51:38
I just wanted to say
51:40
that is probably one of the
51:42
most interesting
51:44
podcast episodes we've done
51:46
in terms of,
51:47
we haven't talked about financial abuse
51:49
before,
51:50
we haven't spoken to someone
51:52
who has come from a community
51:54
and set themselves up financially
51:57
and been such a financial success
52:00
and I think, yeah,
52:01
thank you so much for coming
52:02
on a podcast.
52:03
It's been such an enjoyable
52:05
conversation I have learnt so much
52:07
and it's definitely opened up my eyes
52:09
of what to spot,
52:11
or what to be aware of,
52:12
even maybe hopefully not
52:14
in my own situation,
52:15
but with friends as well,
52:17
in terms of that financial abuse.
52:19
So yeah,
52:20
thank you so much.
52:21
Really, really.
52:22
Been an amazing conversation.
52:24
Yeah.
52:25
Oh, I've had so much fun.
52:26
I think just for listeners as well,
52:27
I do own one property
52:30
and one huge piece of land now.
52:32
I'm doing all right.
52:34
It was right on the other side.
52:36
It's amazing.
52:37
I thought you've got someone on here
52:39
with $30,000 debt to come in again.
52:41
What?
52:43
Oh, I'm so happy.
52:45
You're incredible.
52:46
We never got to this successful bit.
52:48
Oh, my God.
52:49
Sorry.
52:50
We're just like fully focused on the hard stuff.
52:53
But thank you so much for your time
52:55
and sharing all of that.
52:56
Thank you.
52:57
I hope it isn't too triggering
52:58
to like speak about again,
52:59
but I'm sure there's a lot of people
53:01
listening that will have learnt a lot
53:02
and hopefully we're saving them from,
53:04
you know,
53:05
looking back and thinking
53:06
they wasted too much time
53:07
with absolute a halls.
53:08
Yeah.
53:09
But I am so sweaty.
53:10
So I'm ready.
53:11
Yeah, you know,
53:12
let's split a day.
53:13
Thank you so much.
53:14
Thank you guys.
53:15
Thank you so much for listening to Raising the Curve.
53:18
These conversations are designed to teach you
53:20
everything that you need to know
53:21
to be better with your money.
53:23
From saving,
53:24
to investing,
53:25
to talking to your friends about your salaries.
53:27
And if you liked what you heard,
53:29
we would love it.
53:30
If you could hit subscribe button, please.
53:31
Yes, please.
53:32
Better yet.
53:33
Leave a review.
53:34
But until five seconds.
53:35
And it would really make our week.
53:37
Oh yeah.
53:38
Our month.
53:39
Okay.
53:40
Lots of love.
53:41
See you soon.
53:42
Bye.