Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 38. Messages to the Past & Austin Powers vs. Beetlejuice (Feat. Lin Lustig, Author)

Transcript

Episode 38. Messages to the Past & Austin Powers vs. Beetlejuice (Feat. Lin Lustig, Author) · High n' Dry Podcast

0:15
SPEAKER_02: U TV.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: Oh well.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: That was whether you're gonna do.
0:18
SPEAKER_05: Really, when you were doing that, you should have just had like a picture of Bender's head on the background, just paused on the TV.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that would have been great.
0:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
0:26
SPEAKER_05: That's what I'm here for.
0:27
SPEAKER_05: I got all the good ideas.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: So how was Black Widow?
0:31
SPEAKER_05: Um, not bad.
0:32
SPEAKER_05: Not bad.
0:32
SPEAKER_05: Highly entertaining.
0:33
SPEAKER_05: Um, nothing too complex.
0:35
SPEAKER_05: But uh yeah, reasonable.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was a movie.
0:40
SPEAKER_05: It was a movie.
0:41
SPEAKER_05: But it's also really weird to actually go to a movie.
0:43
SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
0:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so that you're right.
0:46
SPEAKER_02: I haven't been to a movie since the pandemic hit.
0:48
SPEAKER_02: So man.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Um let me see here.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm just trying to find my little note cards.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: Where'd they go?
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Uh all right.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna do it off my head.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: All right.
0:58
SPEAKER_02: So uh this is gonna be a real shitty intro.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: So you remember how all this goes?
1:07
SPEAKER_05: Sort of.
1:07
SPEAKER_05: Go for it.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: All right, we'll just wing it.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Winging it is how we all wing it.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: All right, all right.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Hey, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm Ryan Barron North with me as always, James Crosslin.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: James, what's up?
1:21
SPEAKER_02: Not much.
1:21
SPEAKER_02: What up with you?
1:22
SPEAKER_02: How you been?
1:23
SPEAKER_02: It's just you know we don't have our cards, so we don't know what we're supposed to talk about.
1:28
SPEAKER_02: I I'd completely forgotten how to talk to you.
1:30
SPEAKER_02: I was I I just competed.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: I just got off a competition.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: I was competing in an esports event for developers.
1:38
SPEAKER_02: We got absolutely murdered.
1:41
SPEAKER_02: Destroyed.
1:43
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but it was a real blast.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: If you if you're interested, check out Dev Wars on Twitch.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, all right, cool, cool, cool.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: And joining us today, returning to the show, we have Lynn Lustig, first of her name, conqueror of books.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: Lynn, what's going on?
1:58
SPEAKER_00: How are you doing?
1:59
SPEAKER_05: I'm doing well.
2:00
SPEAKER_05: Thanks for having me back on.
2:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh, life has been absolutely insane.
2:04
SPEAKER_05: I jumped in on doing the new Kindle Vela serialization, and uh it's been a lot of fun, but also probably not the smartest to have three series going at the same time, but uh it's fine.
2:14
SPEAKER_05: People The Chosen One Dies.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, people love content, they just eat it up.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So, what is that exactly for like those of us who don't know, i.e.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: us.
2:25
SPEAKER_05: Gotcha, gotcha.
2:26
SPEAKER_05: All right, so serialization, uh you think of it like old school TV, you get an episode a week, and so you get a chapter a week, and uh, I'm doing one that's called The Chosen One Dies.
2:36
SPEAKER_05: So it has a snarky villain protagonist, and uh you know, she's gotta deal with a series of chosen ones, not just one.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay, all right.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Now, is there full frontal male nudity?
2:48
SPEAKER_05: I can add that in if it makes you feel better.
2:52
SPEAKER_05: Yes, okay, yeah, cool.
2:53
SPEAKER_05: We'll work on that.
2:54
SPEAKER_02: Okay, cool.
2:54
SPEAKER_02: Everybody be on the lookout for dongs.
2:59
SPEAKER_02: Sweet.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: You're welcome, everyone.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: That's the sort of highbrow stuff that uh people come to us for.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: That's that's why people get interviewed by us, you know.
3:09
SPEAKER_05: I'm here for it, clearly.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: So if this is your first time, and just Lynn to kind of remind you how this goes down on High and Dry Podcast, we start every episode with a moral conundrum, a debate.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then it devolves into a fist fight.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, but what sets us apart, and as we can see, you're already doing right there, is that before we talk about anything, we get a little drunk and we get a little high.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: So, James, what are you smoking this week?
3:34
SPEAKER_02: Uh, this week I've got a wonderful strain that's made an appearance before.
3:38
SPEAKER_02: It's called blueberry cookies.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Delicious.
3:41
SPEAKER_02: Combination of blueberry and the famous Girl Scout Cookies strain.
3:46
SPEAKER_02: Uh I should be should be feeling pretty good at the end of this.
3:49
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm happy for you.
3:50
SPEAKER_02: And Lynn, uh, what are you drinking?
3:52
SPEAKER_05: Uh so I have a strawberry lemonade made with strawberry liqueur that my friend actually made for me.
3:57
SPEAKER_05: So it's pretty uh it's pretty legit over here.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: All right, all right.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I'll be joining you guys with Espalon Tequila Blanco.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: It's just tequila.
4:07
SPEAKER_02: But it's white tequila.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: It's blanco.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, cool.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Well, let's get it on.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: So it's time for our first toast of the week.
4:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, this one going out to Carl Urban, Cher, and to our guest, Lynn, first of her name.
4:21
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
4:21
SPEAKER_05: Thank you, thank you.
4:22
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
4:27
SPEAKER_02: I hope there's not some other Lynn down your family line that we're disgracing right now.
4:33
SPEAKER_05: Are you kidding?
4:34
SPEAKER_05: I hope there is.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: You guys are gonna have to do them.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: They rise from the grave, fine you for get revenge.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that is the pr the highest percentage of our viewers, is dead relatives.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, track these fuckers down.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: So I will give it to S.
4:54
SPEAKER_00: Pilon with their tequila.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: It is, as far as tequila goes, it is kind of smooth.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: I mean, a little bit.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's tequila.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Which brings us into our second toast.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: This one goes out to fuck.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna say this one The word fuck.
5:13
SPEAKER_03: Ever useful.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: I totally forgot our second toast is to the new viewers, but uh this week it's to fuck.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: Interjection.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: To fuck Florida.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: The city of fuck in Florida.
5:29
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, not the not fuck the state.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the city of fuck.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: We got friends in Florida.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: We do.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, fuck Florida.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: The entire state.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the whole state.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, I was reading the thing that eventually um all like if we keep letting climate change get out of control, the southern Floridas will move north, interbreed with the northern Floridas, and then it's just all over.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: That's the first swamp people.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's just swamp people everywhere.
5:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:58
SPEAKER_02: Our Northern Florida friends would totally agree.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, without a doubt.
6:04
SPEAKER_05: I feel like that's the true start to the zombie apocalypse.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: When Southern Florida and Northern Florida meet and start fucking.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that sounds about right.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: So that brings us to our third toast, third hit, third shot.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: Lynn, guests toast, what's it too?
6:23
SPEAKER_05: Ooh, um, well, Dratt, I forgot that you make me do this part.
6:28
SPEAKER_05: Um how about to my own fans that are up and coming?
6:31
SPEAKER_05: They even sent me a couple gifts this last week, and so that was absolutely spectacular.
6:35
SPEAKER_05: So a good toast to them.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: To Lynn's fans.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: To Lynn's fans, cheers.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, you guys are coming by becoming our fans.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: That's why we do this.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
6:45
SPEAKER_00: I hope none of you live in Florida.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: No, just that was a lot of tequila.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm feeling a little limber, a little loose.
6:55
SPEAKER_02: I feel much better now.
6:57
SPEAKER_02: I was a little stressed coming off that competition, but surprisingly, weed has calmed me down.
7:03
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
7:05
SPEAKER_02: Who could have been?
7:05
SPEAKER_05: Oh man, I had these weed mints.
7:07
SPEAKER_05: They were amazing.
7:08
SPEAKER_05: Like I have had a hard time with weed before, but these mints were just perfect.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Like a mint?
7:15
SPEAKER_00: What?
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: What is it?
7:18
SPEAKER_05: It looks like a mint.
7:19
SPEAKER_05: It tastes like a mint, but it happens to be laced with some THC.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: Edible, yeah.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: The future is awesome.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: Cool.
7:29
SPEAKER_02: I'm glad we've we've broken through those technological barriers in our quest to get high as shit.
7:35
SPEAKER_00: Well, I like how we we banned, you know, hemp and everything like that so the ri the paper people get rich.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: And then we brought it back, but we aren't using it to save anything.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: We're just using it to fuck ourselves up.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: And that's uh humanity.
7:52
SPEAKER_02: High five.
7:53
SPEAKER_05: That's the human way.
7:55
unknown: Yeah.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Crowd tradition of getting fucked up.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Our kids are gonna be fine.
8:00
unknown: They will.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, with that being said, it's time to get into our question this week.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: This one, I I'm hoping well, yeah, I always hope, but I think we're gonna have some fun with it.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Hope is a lie.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: It has very little to do with death and dying.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, so the question I have for you guys this week is it's a it's another little time travel one, but what you have right now is the is you have the opportunity to shoot back and see yourself in your past, and you can say two sentences to your previous past self.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: What two sentences do you say?
8:39
SPEAKER_00: Guests first, Lynn, what do you got?
8:41
SPEAKER_05: Uh all right, so number one, it's gonna be okay.
8:43
SPEAKER_05: Number two, read more books.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Everything's fine, just read.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, what what are you hoping?
8:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the outcome of that?
8:59
SPEAKER_00: Just you've now read more.
9:02
SPEAKER_05: To make my my earlier life a little less miserable.
9:05
SPEAKER_05: Um, definitely had some some problems with depression and whatnot back in the day.
9:09
SPEAKER_05: I say that as if it's gone.
9:11
SPEAKER_05: This is this is a lovely lie I like to tell myself.
9:15
SPEAKER_05: Um and then is uh as far as the reading more books, that's just pure research.
9:21
SPEAKER_05: Like I just I must absorb all the information so I can conquer the world with my books, and it'll be delightful.
9:27
SPEAKER_05: So if I'd started earlier, it would have been so much easier.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Well then then, secondary question for you.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: So put yourself in your young self's position.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: All of a sudden, this woman bursts through a, I don't know, like a beam of light out of a bathroom stall.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: What what would your thoughts be as young Lynn?
9:47
SPEAKER_01: How far back do you get to go?
9:48
SPEAKER_00: Is it just as far as you want, you pick.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, where and where are you jumping out at?
9:51
SPEAKER_00: What stall in particular are you leaping out of?
9:55
SPEAKER_05: I have no idea the specific stall, but I see myself as being about 14 at the time that I jump out of myself.
10:01
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
10:01
SPEAKER_05: Um, so I've I've jumped out of a stall.
10:07
SPEAKER_05: Younger me is going, what the fuck?
10:09
SPEAKER_05: Uh they're probably also going, damn, I finally got skinny.
10:13
SPEAKER_05: Oh you know, there's no pressure on me to conform to how women are supposed to work or anything like that, especially with a pretty kid.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, at that point, it would be this older, skinny woman is coming at me in a bathroom.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, fuck it.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm down.
10:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, sure.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: And she's just like, all right, read more.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, wait, no, no.
10:39
unknown: What?
10:41
SPEAKER_05: I'd be pretty chill about it.
10:42
SPEAKER_05: I've been hoping for this my entire life.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: All right, solid, solid.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, well, well, James, what about you?
10:50
SPEAKER_00: Uh when you're leaping out of a bathroom stall at your younger self.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: I would go back like about three years.
10:58
SPEAKER_02: That's that's younger me where I want to go back.
11:01
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
11:01
SPEAKER_02: And I just want to be like, but like, yo, comma, you're really good at solving problems, so you might want to look into computer programming.
11:15
SPEAKER_02: Sendicolon, period.
11:19
SPEAKER_02: It's very practical, and you don't need a college degree.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: So get out there.
11:25
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Dude, I would be so like, I don't know how I'd feel like if all of a sudden just my dude myself busts out and be like, nothing crazy happens.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: Here's some career advice.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: If you do this, everything's gonna be okay.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: You're you're looking at 75,000 a year.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: It'll be all right.
11:46
SPEAKER_02: I like it, it'll be all right.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: I probably should have started with that.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: And then get into it.
11:50
SPEAKER_05: Watch it for 2020, but otherwise you're good.
11:52
unknown: Yeah.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: There's a disease coming.
11:55
SPEAKER_02: Wait, right?
11:57
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't say that.
11:59
SPEAKER_02: No, scary.
12:00
SPEAKER_02: Completely derail my future.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: There's a disease coming.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh fuck, no, and then you're sucked back into the stall.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's very violent.
12:10
SPEAKER_05: Is this like Harry Potter style where you're literally like then pulled into the toilet, and that's how you get places?
12:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, no, it's vicious, it's brutal.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: And you just disappear back into that.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: No, you're pulled in there.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: Dematerial.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you dematerialize.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: Or like the toilet's like a shredder.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Oh you get shredded through it.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Why did it have to be painful?
12:30
SPEAKER_00: So much.
12:33
SPEAKER_05: Does Lee now even survive returning?
12:35
SPEAKER_05: Because otherwise that's a really dumb trip.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you survive.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it may not be you on the other side, it may be a perfect clone with all of your memories and everything like that.
12:43
SPEAKER_02: But at that point, no, I think we should die.
12:45
SPEAKER_02: I think we would die after I after we send our message because we've effectively changed the timeline, right?
12:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: TVA would come get us.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Well then at that point I'd just be like, don't time travel, you'll die.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm gonna cross some weird time things.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: Um well for me though, like I don't I don't know if like two sentences enough to fix anything.
13:13
SPEAKER_02: You can stretch out grammar.
13:14
SPEAKER_02: We're great at grammar.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: We're good at grammar.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: We can figure this out.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Um I wonder like if the time machine is tracking your semicolons or if it's just uh I don't know.
13:26
SPEAKER_02: Just just just chain a whole bunch of dependent clauses onto your statement.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: Make it like prose.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hey man, I got a poem for you.
13:38
unknown: There you go.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: Um I would uh alright, so I would jump back and be like, don't join the Air Force, get mental help.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: Goodbye.
13:55
SPEAKER_02: That would be problematic because that would ruin my life because I'd never been in the world.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you would never, yeah, I would fuck up your wife.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Um shit.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so for the listeners at home, I we're in Vegas because I joined the Air Force and went to Vegas.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: And then James just kind of came with.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: So fuck.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: I like Shira.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: So alright.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: I like his wife, so I guess I wouldn't say that.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: Damn right you wouldn't.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't pass me, would have to go back to where kick your ass.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Only get two sentences.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not saying shit.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I got an ass to kick.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: So there'd be a high school version of me standing in the bathroom, all of a sudden I burst out of a toilet, and then James bursts out of the next one, and I watch the two of them fight, and then another one bursts out, and then another and then their Lynn busts out.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who she is.
14:51
SPEAKER_03: I got the other one though.
14:53
unknown: Yeah.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, time yeah, Terminator didn't make any sense.
14:58
SPEAKER_02: No.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: All right.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: I then I I guess it'd just be like, look, man, get help.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: Whatever you're thinking about doing, I've just kicked my own ass.
15:06
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: Kick your own ass and then leave a note to your on your calendar that says get help.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there it is.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: Final answer.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: I would beat the fuck out of myself and then put a little note on me that says, get mental help.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there we go.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I like it.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So uh Lynn, final thoughts on the idea.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: Two sentences to yourself.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: What do you got?
15:32
SPEAKER_05: Well, if you do the list version, you could you could go quite far with it.
15:36
SPEAKER_05: So uh I think it has merit.
15:37
SPEAKER_05: I think, however, the side effects of getting shredded down a toilet really gonna probably put me off from going to my past.
15:44
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I'm here now, I make it, it's fine.
15:46
SPEAKER_05: Uh yeah, there's no choice in it.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: Like there was an alien being who forced this on you.
15:51
SPEAKER_05: Oh, great, great, thanks.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: Because they just do things.
15:55
SPEAKER_02: He started off, he's it used to be, would you do it?
15:59
SPEAKER_02: And then I would always I would always say no.
16:01
SPEAKER_02: And so I don't get those options anymore.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, despite appearances, we've come to a pretty healthy place.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: And usually when these questions come up, the answer is no, my past is my past, and I'm gonna try and be better tomorrow.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: And that just wasn't working.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: So, well, you can't be healthy, you're going back in time.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: Go back in time, fuck yourself up, you get more lessons, right?
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you get more lessons.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so in this case, it was yeah, yeah.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: In this case, it was like an alien, and you're like, I'm gonna send you back.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: You got two sentences covered.
16:34
SPEAKER_05: Then yeah, the moral support I think would be a good way to go with it.
16:37
SPEAKER_05: And then some kind of hint that's like you're gonna want to do this, but I'm not gonna give you too many details.
16:41
SPEAKER_05: Because if you have all the details, you get lazy and then you don't do it.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: That is true, yeah.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, because I'd be looking at myself and be like, you are you're like, look, I'm awesome.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: And you're only me because you fucked up a lot, man.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, it takes some learning.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: And then you get shredded, sucked into the toilet, shredded.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: So teenage me just sees me come back and kind of monologue and just think to myself, and then oh, bye.
17:13
SPEAKER_05: Um that's gonna be great for your younger mental health, right there.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dude, you're fucked.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, so I stick to my answer.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: I just go back and beat my own ass.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: You're like, look, I whatever year I come back in, you probably are within three or four days of needing a good ass kicking.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: So here's your ass kicking.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: And uh, yeah, then I get sucked into a blood tornado from the toilet.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I'm gonna die, and this is gonna hurt.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: So fuck it.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: Well, James, final thoughts.
17:46
SPEAKER_02: You know, it it sucks because you're right, we we're in a healthier place now, and I don't know what my actions would do in the past.
17:53
SPEAKER_02: I would I would just kind of I would wait.
17:56
SPEAKER_02: I would go there and I would just kind of I'd go back as far as I can and I'd just be really ascetic about it, and I'd be totally silent, and I'd just spend years and years just kind of paying attention and contemplating and not speaking, and then surveilling myself.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, at that point, the alien just comes back and puts you in the toilet.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, you've been flushed.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, but I I I think we've all pretty much like, I don't want to do this.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean please don't make me.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm me because of what I went through.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: And yeah.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean So I I mean, I guess the best thing to do is just be like, hey, everything's gonna be good.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm gonna kick my ass.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: There's no change in that.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I for sure.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, look, you need to it's in stone.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: We got it.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, so I think that's good.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: So I think it's time to move on to our fist fight.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, before we talk about two magical people.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh, and this is a semifinal in our big old tournament that we got going on.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally forget about anything we're doing.
19:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh what was this thing?
19:06
SPEAKER_00: Remember the tournament where we're giving away shot glasses?
19:08
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Who are the fighters?
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll talk about that after.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: We get a little more drunk and we get a little more high.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: See, and now we have a little bit of video going, so it's indisputable that I'm actually taking all this tequila.
19:23
SPEAKER_02: Indisputable.
19:24
SPEAKER_02: Indisputable.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: So uh here's to our fighters, because I think I'm the and I might even pause on it, but the uh the only one who remembers the fighters today are Austin Powers versus Beetlejuice.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: Here's to them.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Beetlejuice, huh?
19:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:45
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's so interesting because it it's a shame we had our giants, our sandworm conversation last week because Beetlejuice for sure has sandworms.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm having a feeling the sandworms are just going to be a thing.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: I actually got some mail about the sandworm.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: Did you really?
20:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: We had made a statement last week that all of our fathers are just timeless sandworms looking to pass on their bullshit before they kill themselves.
20:11
SPEAKER_00: Because of Dune.
20:13
SPEAKER_05: There we go.
20:14
SPEAKER_05: I was like missing a connection here.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: Dune.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, but then we're like, no, no, if I'd think back on my father, he was definitely a timeless sandworm trying to pass on his bullshit before, you know.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like the sandworm wants to commit suicide.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: But it's also like, you have to be just like me.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, you want to commit suicide.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't you realize this is unhealthy?
20:37
SPEAKER_00: You fucking boomer.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Don't you realize what's happening right now?
20:43
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be a sandworm.
20:45
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to kill myself either.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to be healthy.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: Now that we've gotten a little more drunk and we've gotten a little more high, obviously.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's time to get down to our fight.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: So on High and Dry Podcast, we have a patented method.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: And you could look this up at the patent office.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: It's true.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: We have a patented method to determine which of your favorite nerd shit is going to kill the rest of your favorite nerd shit.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: And that happens in a three-round method.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Round one, we've entered in a Gen X fight club bar.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: Basement.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Basement.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: There's been some confusion.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: They're in the basement now.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: They've taken off their shirts, their shoes.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't seen Fight Club, go fucking see it so this podcast makes sense to you.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: Now, round two, we now zoom out and just watch it.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just watch it.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was Brad Pitt.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: I mean.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Brad Pitt's pretty cutting it.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, he's super cutting it.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but anyway.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Not cutting it, but he's cut.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would lick the sweat off his abs for sure.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: Just in general, I don't even like dudes.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: I just I would totally do it.
21:44
SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, say that you did.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you remember Circa 1999 Brad Pitt?
21:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did uh a couple of things with him.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: And then he has to put out a thing saying Yeah, it was yeah, it happened.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: So he he was gonna go back and give two sentences to himself.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: Instead, he found me and yeah.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: But anyway.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, what the fuck are we talking about?
22:12
SPEAKER_00: So right.
22:15
SPEAKER_05: Oh sure, but you're entertaining me.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Round two zooms out, City View.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: These characters now have all of their abilities, weapons, they can go buy a shotgun, and they know they have to kill each other.
22:27
SPEAKER_02: Not enough combatants by shotguns.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: I would.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: So round three is the same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: So entering into round two, I mean what?
22:38
SPEAKER_00: One.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Entering into round one, we've just gone down into the fight club bar basement.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: Brad Pitt is explaining the rules to Beetlejuice and Austin Powers.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, Lynn, first of her name, James myself, we've been brought up to the box seats with Cher and Carl Urban and just a giant timeless sandworm.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: And we're now watching this fight get underway.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: So Beetlejuice and Austin Powers just punching each other to death, pound for pound, punch for punch, guests first, Lynn, what's gonna happen?
23:07
SPEAKER_05: Well, okay, so the idea is to go to death, right?
23:11
SPEAKER_05: Like they're death matches.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
23:14
SPEAKER_05: Beetlejuice is already dead.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, can Austin Powers bring him there again?
23:20
SPEAKER_00: He only needs to kill him once.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: I mean, if a fighter is no longer able to continue, that is considered a full- Well, at that point, Cher will kill them herself.
23:31
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
23:32
SPEAKER_05: And she does have mighty powers.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: She totally vaporizes them.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: They can't escape it.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: Whatever it is is dead.
23:39
SPEAKER_05: Alright, alright.
23:40
SPEAKER_05: So let's go over their strengths.
23:42
SPEAKER_05: We have uh Beatlejuice, who's uh relatively wily, um overweight, little uh little Ponchy there.
23:50
SPEAKER_05: Uh let's see here, but he's likes his tricks, so that could come in handy.
23:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and then we have Austin Powers, um, bit of a bumbling idiot.
24:01
SPEAKER_05: Strength fails upward.
24:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, it's white man.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: He's fallen up the stairs, at least.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: See, I wouldn't say he's a classic white man.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: Do you remember when um it was either Elizabeth Hurley, I think it was Elizabeth Hurley.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: Elizabeth Hurley had drank too much, and she was still coming on to him, and he says, it wouldn't be right.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's not classic white man.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: That was not classic white man.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: He is a and he didn't learn that from his generation, that's for goddamn.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: And with Elizabeth Hurley, too.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: I mean it's that time traveling in the later movies.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: That's what it was.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: He was able to grow.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: Huh.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: Anyway.
24:41
SPEAKER_05: Well, that got deep there for a second.
24:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
24:43
SPEAKER_05: Um no, so I think that it would be a relatively even match going at it, just uh with some fisticuffs.
24:50
SPEAKER_05: Um, I think that Beetlejuice would get some real good hits in with being clever, and then the problem would then be that like Austin Powers would slip out of the way just unexpectedly by pure chance.
25:03
SPEAKER_05: And uh you know, and the way that I'm seeing it would end up a stalemate.
25:07
SPEAKER_05: So I'm really interested to see how you guys how you guys approach this.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: That's a good one.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was I was thinking uh this is gonna be a really hard one.
25:15
SPEAKER_00: Um you know, just because I I do remember our Austin Powers episode.
25:20
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: And the original one where he came from, and that's why he's fighting in this semifinal round.
25:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, the only time he lost was when Michael Myers got his ass kicked by Jared from Subway.
25:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:33
SPEAKER_02: That's true.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think in this one, I think in this one, Michael Keaton versus Michael Myers.
25:42
SPEAKER_02: I think Michael Myers would win if it was just the two of them just beating each other up.
25:46
SPEAKER_02: I think Micha Myers is a more physical comedian, especially in at the time these two things were filmed.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: Well, Michael Keaton is coming back for Batman, so I know they have his ass in the gym.
25:59
SPEAKER_02: He's still, but now he's very he's not Beetlejuice now.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: He's Beetlejuice then.
26:03
SPEAKER_02: He was and he was very.
26:11
SPEAKER_02: I think Austin Powers with his judo chop just didn't.
26:14
SPEAKER_02: Judo chop is so effective.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: Um one hit knockout to humanoid things.
26:20
SPEAKER_02: Um as far as I know, I don't know how well it works on Beetlejuice, but Beetlejuice, uh, I think part of his powers comes from having an environment, especially in the movie.
26:30
SPEAKER_02: He was um he controlled like the the sculptures and stuff, and he like possessed people.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, and it came from having an environment to manipulate.
26:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I don't think he because he doesn't have that environment, I think Austin Power's pure judo chop ability makes it so that he's unstoppable.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Well, I see like a hey, how you doing?
26:53
SPEAKER_00: And then Whoa Judo chopped.
26:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because he's just scared.
27:02
SPEAKER_03: Whoa.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then he gets judo chopped.
27:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean and then Michael Myers brushes himself off and he's like, well, that was weird, and he goes on with the rest of his movie.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't even realize that something happened.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Um, well, I I I do see that being possible because I feel that, and that might change in the new Beetlejuice movie that's coming out.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh Beetlejuice is very much he was a prop.
27:27
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: You know, whereas He wasn't the main character.
27:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, whereas Michael Myers in Austin Powers, he was you know, the character.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he's bringing with him every aspect of the James Bond universe pre-Daniel Craig.
27:42
SPEAKER_02: So Yeah, it's so funny that the Beetlejuice movie was not about Beetlejuice.
27:46
SPEAKER_02: It was about it was about a couple and a little girl building a friendship.
27:50
SPEAKER_02: But the movie was called Beetlejuice.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, it was definitely Tim Burton showing us all how into purple and black he was.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:58
SPEAKER_05: Um I'll just explain something about me.
28:01
SPEAKER_05: Thanks, guys.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's what we're here for.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: You come on high and dry and you learn some shit.
28:09
SPEAKER_05: Um delve into your psyche.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I would say I I think that what we and I I do think that there's an aspect of it that comes back to that Elizabeth Hurley moment.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, he was goddamn.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: What Austin Powers is the hero we need right now for everything.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: Climate change, Jeff Bezos.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, could you imagine Jeff Bezos getting a judo chop?
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Well, he's basically Dr.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: Evil.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: Remember they were Seattle-based?
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Why would you become Lex Luther and then shave your head?
28:53
SPEAKER_00: What the fuck?
28:55
SPEAKER_05: Gotta stay on theme.
28:57
SPEAKER_02: There's no way he didn't do that on purpose.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, I I found that a lot of people, and this is weird, Sarah actually and I have talked about this recently, is that there's a lot of people out there who in our classic like superhero media identify with the villain.
29:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, I thought it was just a Thanos thing for a while there.
29:13
SPEAKER_02: Oh, you also?
29:14
SPEAKER_02: Um but like I thought I was like, what are with all these Thanos people like being hard right?
29:19
SPEAKER_02: Like, let's kill, let's kill half the people and everything's gonna be cool.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, this doesn't happen with every villain, but then there's a Joker, and I was like, no one, no one wants to be Lex Luther.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: And then I asked, and if people were like, Yeah, I'd love to be Lex Luther.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: And it's like kind of fucking in it.
29:33
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I got into this with some of my author friends because we like to write our villains and we like to be there.
29:38
SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
29:38
SPEAKER_05: Part of it is that we like to see ourselves in these people.
29:41
SPEAKER_05: And like the big thing now is having villains redeemed.
29:44
SPEAKER_05: We get to see their backstories, we get to understand their shit that they went through.
29:47
SPEAKER_05: And so that makes us think, like, oh, okay, all the shit that's inside our heads, all this darkness, like that could be redeemed.
29:54
SPEAKER_05: Like, therefore, we're seeing our piece of ourselves in these villains.
29:57
unknown: Okay.
29:58
SPEAKER_05: And we get to see that we're not all bad and we have this like transition to better hood.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: I feel like once you become a fascist Nazi, you're done.
30:09
SPEAKER_02: I think that you know it's interesting because it is fantasy, right?
30:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
30:15
SPEAKER_02: We we have to put a barrier between reality and fantasy.
30:19
SPEAKER_02: And um, and I think as long as that barrier is strong in your own mind, i uh relating to a villain isn't bad.
30:28
SPEAKER_02: But if that barrier has been dissolved by uh I don't know, like 80 fucking years of propaganda, then it's gonna be really problematic when you st when you start relating to a villain, right?
30:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Uh well, I mean, the things that I write, uh, these characters, both the good and the bad, they sort of exist outside of your normal ebb and flow of politics and things like that.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: And even my bad people wouldn't be a Nazi.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's how you relate.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: I at least we used to.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh I don't know.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't fucking know.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what happened to us.
31:05
SPEAKER_02: The thing is, it was always this way.
31:07
SPEAKER_02: We were just young and dumb.
31:09
SPEAKER_02: We were young and dumb.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: We weren't very observant.
31:12
SPEAKER_05: There is a difference between like real life evil that we can easily see with, say, Nazis and whatnot, and then this fantasy realm, because the fantasy that does allow that like experimental secondary like film that we then get to see through without having to touch.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: No, and I didn't mean to make high and dry political, but Nazis are bad.
31:34
SPEAKER_01: Nazis are bad.
31:35
SPEAKER_02: And I learned today that they're real.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, do you believe that they actually did that?
31:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: Holy shit.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so my Austin Powers versus Beetlejuice.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: So Lynn, final vote.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: We need what happens and what's your vote?
31:50
SPEAKER_00: They're just in the fight club bar basement, punching each other to death.
31:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, if uh if Beetlejuice doesn't have his abilities and they're basically just two guys, I think Michael Myers would have the better skills.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: I think I think Beetlejuice, because he's corporeal, would be able to like do his arm thingy where he makes his arms extendo.
32:09
SPEAKER_02: And it would be hilarious.
32:10
SPEAKER_02: It would be hilarious.
32:12
SPEAKER_02: He has abilities.
32:13
SPEAKER_02: As long as it's intrinsic to the character.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: It's an innate ability.
32:16
SPEAKER_02: The problem is he just he just doesn't have an environment.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:19
SPEAKER_02: He doesn't have anything he can manipulate, and part of it is like manipulating his environment because he's a trickster.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: This isn't Michael Keaton versus Michael Myers.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: This is Beetlejuice versus Austin Powers naked in a room.
32:30
SPEAKER_05: But Beetlejuice gets his abilities by being dead.
32:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but which abilities?
32:35
SPEAKER_02: That's the thing, is how is he able to utilize his abilities on his own with just his body and no other environment?
32:43
SPEAKER_02: Just his body and Austin Powers' body.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: That's the thing, is we don't actually see Beetlejuice do much personal body manipulation.
32:53
SPEAKER_02: He does a little bit of things to scare, and then he sh he use he extendos his arms, and that's all his body actually does, I think.
33:03
SPEAKER_05: Alright, I wasn't thinking about it with any kind of ability like that.
33:06
SPEAKER_05: I figured we were just taking like basically Beetlejuice before death, where he's still like a like you said, corporeal.
33:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:15
SPEAKER_05: Hmm, interesting, interesting.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: He does get a corporeal form at one point in the movie, so I assume we'd take that version, right?
33:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I'm I'm imagining someone has said Cher said Beetlejuice three fucking times.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so Beetlejuice is now present and corporeal.
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: I've summoned you to fight in my blood sport.
33:39
unknown: Okay.
33:41
SPEAKER_04: Hey, how are you doing?
33:41
SPEAKER_04: Let me bring my car.
33:43
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no car, no.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: And Austin's just trying to hit on Cher.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: Or would he?
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, could Brad Pitt.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
33:51
SPEAKER_05: Could he use Austin Powers as one of his manipulative props?
33:55
SPEAKER_02: It depends.
33:56
SPEAKER_02: Austin Powers is famously immune to manipulation.
34:02
SPEAKER_02: He was.
34:02
SPEAKER_02: Remember the um the what were they called?
34:05
SPEAKER_02: Fembots?
34:05
SPEAKER_02: Were they?
34:06
SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
34:06
SPEAKER_02: Is that what they were called?
34:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, do your fembots.
34:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, you had He exploded their heads when they tried to manipulate him.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you have Fembots.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: You have a drunken Elizabeth Hurley, you have every fucking assassin sent at him, he comes out on top.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: Just by I mean, worst case scenario, he's gonna look into Cher's eyes and see the reflection of Beetlejuice.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: And you know.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: Well, well, Lynn, what final thoughts on a vote?
34:33
SPEAKER_05: Ah, geez.
34:34
SPEAKER_05: Um, okay, so if Beetlejuice can do his like weird, stretchy stuff, does that include the possession?
34:39
SPEAKER_05: Because if he can just possess Austin Powers, that's that's gonna be the thing.
34:43
SPEAKER_05: Or if he can use Austin Powers' like remaining clothing to come up and turn into snakes and strangle him or something.
34:49
SPEAKER_02: It's up to you.
34:50
SPEAKER_02: Whatever he's like, whatever you think he's capable of.
34:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
34:53
SPEAKER_05: Alright, well, I'm gonna I'll go with Beetlejuice then.
34:57
unknown: What's up?
34:57
SPEAKER_02: Beetlejuice because he has magic.
34:59
SPEAKER_02: Alright.
35:00
SPEAKER_05: He has some innate magic.
35:01
SPEAKER_02: James?
35:02
SPEAKER_02: He does.
35:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so Beetlejuice does have some innate magic.
35:06
SPEAKER_02: So does Austin.
35:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's the thing, though, is Austin also has innate magic.
35:11
SPEAKER_02: He has the magic of seduction, which Beetlejuice, we know, is bisexual from the movie.
35:17
SPEAKER_02: He was he he wanted to swing with both of them, right?
35:20
SPEAKER_02: Um he did suggest it, and I think he might be uh Austin Powers might be able to seduce him just by winking at him.
35:29
SPEAKER_02: Or um he and then he also has the one-hit knockout that is the judo chop.
35:34
SPEAKER_02: As soon as he gets close, yeah.
35:35
SPEAKER_02: As soon as he gets close enough for the judo chop.
35:37
SPEAKER_02: I um that's just my that's what I land on.
35:40
SPEAKER_02: I think it's Austin Powers.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
35:42
SPEAKER_00: Um the the only time that Austin can be beaten in a fight is when it's ridiculous.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: And I I think Beetlejuice makes it innately ridiculous.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: But I I think that he doesn't.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: I think he actually turns it into a real villain.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Um Beetlejuice does?
36:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:02
SPEAKER_02: The very serious Betelgeuse turns True villainy is the face of Beetlejuice.
36:08
SPEAKER_05: Right here in this in this basement bar.
36:10
SPEAKER_05: This is where he goes.
36:12
SPEAKER_02: Like, I think You know how effective Betelgeuse was at killing people, right?
36:18
SPEAKER_01: No.
36:20
SPEAKER_01: Zero.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: Zero people dead from Beetlejuice, I think.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, that actually says something.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: You you just kind of swayed it towards Austin.
36:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know.
36:28
SPEAKER_02: I voted for Austin.
36:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I mean, because Austin can Austin can take a life.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: Uh Beetle can't.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Um I I would say that I think it's it's gonna be Beetlejuice will be overcome by just the pure unadulterated freedom of the swinging 60s.
36:54
SPEAKER_04: I thought I was a freak.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: I don't think he'll know what the fuck to do with this guy.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: And Austin's coming in close and judo chop, and we get on with the rest of the movie.
37:06
SPEAKER_04: Is he a pirate?
37:10
SPEAKER_00: I I I think that'll be it.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: I I think Michael Keaton would agree.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, so my vote's gonna have to go for Austin Powers as well.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: So sorry, Lynn.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: We're ganging up on you.
37:21
SPEAKER_05: That's okay.
37:21
SPEAKER_05: This time I actually don't mind.
37:23
SPEAKER_05: Like that was a pretty close call for me.
37:24
SPEAKER_05: So it was a tough one.
37:26
SPEAKER_05: I can I can lean that way.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: Well, all right, so well, if if you guys would indulge me, here's to lean in that way.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: Uh one more.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
37:37
SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
37:43
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
37:46
SPEAKER_02: I love those blueberry cookies.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: I'm super mellow now.
37:49
SPEAKER_02: This is probably one of our most mellow ones.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: I would say, which is surprising, because uh from experience, vodka makes me violent.
37:56
SPEAKER_00: It's not vodka.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: You're drinking tequila.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: We're good.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: So we're good.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: Wait, I'll have to go back through the archives.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm pretty sure it was tequila now.
38:08
SPEAKER_02: I I think it's a mental thing.
38:10
SPEAKER_02: I think you just you just think it does what to what you want it to to you.
38:14
SPEAKER_02: I think it's romantic.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: I think it's a romantic thing that you that you're doing when you think about booze.
38:21
SPEAKER_02: I don't think they actually have different effects.
38:23
SPEAKER_02: It couldn't be.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, you're the one who fucking said it.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm the one who edits these goddamn things.
38:28
SPEAKER_05: We do have different associations with different booze.
38:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think it's personal associations.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: I think so.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:36
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: Alright, cool.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, um round two is just begun.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: We've now zoomed out.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: Both of these characters have received a manila envelope underneath their apartment doors or swinging pads or portals to the nether realm.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: Um wherever it's sandworm burrows.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's sandworm burrows.
38:58
SPEAKER_00: This was actually before Beetlejuice matured and became the sandworms of Dune.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, they look a lot like Beetlejuice.
39:05
SPEAKER_02: The sandworms did.
39:06
SPEAKER_02: Didn't they have stripey stripes like Beetlejuice?
39:08
SPEAKER_02: I wonder if Beetlejuice evolves into the sandworms at some point.
39:12
SPEAKER_00: I'd be willing to say that a lot of people ripped off of Dune.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, for sure.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: Star Wars, yeah.
39:20
SPEAKER_00: Hands down.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: Austin Powers, probably.
39:25
SPEAKER_04: Austin Powers?
39:27
SPEAKER_04: What?
39:28
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, I don't have time to go down that rabbit hole.
39:33
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, round two.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: Lynn, guess first.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: What happens?
39:38
SPEAKER_00: They now have everything except a friend.
39:41
SPEAKER_05: Except a friend.
39:42
SPEAKER_05: Well, they have to do this alone.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: He's got whatever Morticia.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: Shrunken head guy.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: Whatever.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, shrunken head guy.
39:51
SPEAKER_00: The worm.
39:52
SPEAKER_00: The frenemy.
39:53
SPEAKER_02: Frenemie, right?
39:54
SPEAKER_02: He's got frenemies, yeah.
39:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, there we go.
39:56
SPEAKER_05: There we go.
39:57
SPEAKER_05: Oh, let's see here.
39:58
SPEAKER_05: So Beetlejuice can definitely manipulate the entire area around him.
40:02
SPEAKER_05: I mean, he could probably call up uh like that snake form, or he can go for some good old classic possession.
40:10
SPEAKER_05: Uh let's see here.
40:12
SPEAKER_05: I'm trying to remember honestly what else he does in the film because he like cracks the earth open, brings up some things, like turns the house into a fun.
40:21
SPEAKER_05: So uh yeah, so you would definitely pull out some of those tricks and then Austin Powers.
40:27
SPEAKER_05: Uh let's see here.
40:28
SPEAKER_05: He would have a variety of gadgets, right?
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Am I remembering correctly?
40:33
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: He'd have an anti-betel juice gun.
40:38
SPEAKER_05: Just conveniently made for this specific moment.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: Hello, Austin.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: We've included your anti-betel juice gun in your time traveling car.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: Because he's got to go back to the early 90s.
40:55
SPEAKER_05: Uh oh, that's that's hard for me to me to see.
41:00
SPEAKER_05: So we got the the kind of fancy elements of surprise and fuckery, and then we have the uh tech elements coming in trying to negate some of that.
41:10
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
41:20
SPEAKER_05: Magic is pretty sweet.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: Magic is powerful.
41:23
SPEAKER_02: Well, James, thoughts?
41:25
SPEAKER_02: I the only the the thing I'm picturing right now is the scene from the first Austin Powers where he's uh on the steamroller and Michael McDonald from Mad TV is going, no, and I and I imagine and I imagine Beetlejuice doing that instead.
41:43
SPEAKER_02: And then and then he runs over Beetlejuice, who's flattened, and then he gets up flattened.
41:50
SPEAKER_02: That's terrifying.
41:51
SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm imagining right now.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: Um like Austin Powers versus you know loony tunes.
41:57
SPEAKER_02: Yes, Beetlejuice is very Looney tunes, he has almost cartoon superpowers.
42:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:05
SPEAKER_02: He has the ability to now that he has an environment that he can manipulate, he can open portals, he can uh control inanimate objects, um he can remember, he never possesses the main character.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: Beetlejuice doesn't possess main characters, he possesses ancillary characters.
42:27
SPEAKER_05: He did take Barbara's voice there for a second.
42:29
SPEAKER_05: Does that count as a possession?
42:31
unknown: I don't care.
42:33
SPEAKER_02: But he was able to do magic on her for sure.
42:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:35
SPEAKER_02: He was able to do magic on her, yeah.
42:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:38
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
42:39
SPEAKER_02: And he levitated her, and I think that he could probably do the same thing to Austin Powers.
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but Austin Powers has a gun.
42:52
SPEAKER_02: Um no rider do not have a gun.
42:55
SPEAKER_02: We don't know how how how does Betelgeuse take a bullet?
43:00
SPEAKER_00: Um Well, a anti-Beteljuice bullet specifically.
43:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, you know what I think is interesting?
43:06
SPEAKER_02: I think that if you remember from the Beetlejuice movies, after Beetlejuice's manipulations end, the effects of his um the effects of of him being there are reversed.
43:17
SPEAKER_02: So like the statues didn't continue to be manipulated, they like returned to their places on the wall.
43:24
SPEAKER_02: And when the floor was broken open at the end and he was eaten by the sandworm, that all disappeared.
43:30
SPEAKER_02: Like when when he's done doing his deal, all his stuff is reversed.
43:39
SPEAKER_02: Isn't that angel only needs to die once?
43:42
SPEAKER_02: Austin does only need to die once.
43:45
SPEAKER_05: That's true.
43:46
SPEAKER_05: No, I gotta I totally gotta interject here because please my memory at the end of Beetlejuice, when they've had the final thing, Barbara's in her wedding gown, we have Winoda Ryder in her red gown.
43:55
SPEAKER_05: Is we have Beetlejuice eaten by the sandworm, there's a hole in the floor, there's the judge there, they've multiplied the fireplace out.
44:02
SPEAKER_05: That just leaves off.
44:04
SPEAKER_05: And then we go to a new house some oddball time later.
44:08
SPEAKER_02: Is it a new house?
44:09
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh, maybe that's my misunderstanding.
44:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh so uh Uh so tell me this.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: When when Betelgeuse controlled the statuary and trapped all those people, did the statuary stay like that?
44:25
SPEAKER_05: Uh it's not shown again, not to my recollection.
44:28
SPEAKER_05: She starts doing d new sculpting and comes up with his head that's in snake form.
44:32
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think we have here a situation where Betelgeuse has possessed the swinger's pad.
44:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh, the pad itself.
44:41
SPEAKER_02: Oh, the airplane.
44:42
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
44:43
SPEAKER_02: That's where he'd strike.
44:44
SPEAKER_02: Is is Austin Power's airplane with the rotating bed, and oh, he would fuck Austin up in that airplane.
44:53
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a thing there.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, because where else would they meet?
44:57
SPEAKER_00: I mean fuck.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: Now he's got his full suite of abilities.
45:02
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that is pretty sweet.
45:04
SPEAKER_02: He doesn't have anyone anyone ancillary to to control, to mind control yet.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, from my side of it, I I especially if he's if he's taken over the swingers pad, I see a situation where everything starts and it looks like it's coming to a head, and then Austin's like, wait, and then I'll just from everywhere people from the 60s bust in and they just have a dance party.
45:35
SPEAKER_02: I think I think Beetlejuice will fuck Austin Powers with the swingers pad.
45:40
SPEAKER_02: Like Austin's gonna have sex with a plane, and and it's gonna be a draw because they're well I think it's you you think it's gonna be a sex draw, I think it's gonna be a dance party draw.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh shit.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: Well, uh Lynn, back to you.
45:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, what happens and what's your vote?
46:00
SPEAKER_05: Oh, well, uh I think that uh let's see here.
46:05
SPEAKER_05: Let's say they meet in one of the secret layers.
46:08
SPEAKER_05: Uh we got Beetlejuice.
46:10
SPEAKER_05: He's got a bunch of tools to work with so that he can manipulate the hell out of stuff.
46:15
SPEAKER_05: He's really hard to hit.
46:16
SPEAKER_05: He's basically rubber and basically a cartoon.
46:19
SPEAKER_05: And uh I think Austin Powers would give it a good go.
46:23
SPEAKER_05: I think he would use some really good tools.
46:25
SPEAKER_05: They might have a little, like, you know, moment on the side before it really gets into it.
46:29
SPEAKER_05: Um, and then I think Beetlejuice would win.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: All right.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: So this is a good one.
46:35
SPEAKER_02: I think I think we have to lean toward Beetlejuice.
46:37
SPEAKER_02: If we can't come up with a lean, she's got a lean.
46:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, well then I I I don't know if the world is ready to see Michael Myers and uh Michael Keaton fuck.
46:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I am.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Um no.
46:52
SPEAKER_05: Beetlejuice and Austin Powers.
46:55
SPEAKER_05: We have to separate this.
46:57
SPEAKER_02: Those extendo arms come in real use.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: Get it way up there.
47:01
SPEAKER_02: Beetle.
47:03
SPEAKER_02: Um the only thing I'm gonna he's giving him a reach around, around, around, around, around.
47:10
SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, no.
47:13
SPEAKER_00: Fuck it.
47:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm giving it to Beetlejuice.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, alright.
47:19
SPEAKER_00: So I think Beetlejuice takes this one.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: Alright, well, round two, Beetlejuice.
47:23
SPEAKER_02: Now that he has an environment to control.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a little different.
47:26
SPEAKER_00: But this might change in round three.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: So round three is the same as round two, except this time both of these characters get to bring a friend.
47:35
SPEAKER_00: So, Lynn, you're up first.
47:37
SPEAKER_00: What happens?
47:38
SPEAKER_00: Who do they bring?
47:40
SPEAKER_00: Take us there.
47:42
SPEAKER_05: So I didn't get a chance to re-watch Austin Powers before going into this, and I do not remember what his friends are.
47:49
SPEAKER_05: So I'm just gonna assume he has an entire like country of people that are gonna be interested back.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: England.
47:57
SPEAKER_05: Just everyone.
47:58
SPEAKER_05: Just yeah, and then uh Beetlejuice will have the sandworm, and it'll be kind of like whack-a-mole.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: But we know that the sandworm's just trying to kill himself.
48:08
SPEAKER_01: He's just trying to pass on his leg and seat of Beetlejuice, and Beetlejuice doesn't want it.
48:13
SPEAKER_00: Come on, man.
48:15
SPEAKER_01: Just want to party.
48:20
SPEAKER_05: Um man, this is hard, guys.
48:25
SPEAKER_02: All right, so it really is.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: I I do want to point out that Beetlejuice does also have Winona Riding Ryder's character, which was useless.
48:34
SPEAKER_02: No, not useless, because she kind of opened the door to everyone else.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, is there any chance that you remember in the original fight?
48:46
SPEAKER_00: Who did Austin Pro Powers bring with him?
48:49
SPEAKER_02: Austin Powers.
48:51
SPEAKER_02: I don't remember.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it was another Austin Powers because of Austin Powers too.
48:56
SPEAKER_02: Where two Austin Powers banged Heather Graham together.
48:59
SPEAKER_02: I think that was I'd watch that.
49:01
SPEAKER_02: I would also.
49:03
SPEAKER_05: I remember now why I didn't watch the movies.
49:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, well, Lynn, and I I think this is the question that all your fans came to and try to have answered.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: Would you watch two Michael Myers bang Heather Graham?
49:20
SPEAKER_05: Is this a true question?
49:22
SPEAKER_05: Because like the answer is obvious.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: It's just a spectacle.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: We'd like you to say it out loud.
49:28
SPEAKER_00: She said it.
49:29
SPEAKER_05: Yes, I would watch them bang.
49:31
SPEAKER_05: There are very few things I would not do for research.
49:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:35
SPEAKER_05: I would watch Facebook everyone bang.
49:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you tell me it's there, I guess, yeah.
49:40
SPEAKER_00: What am I doing?
49:42
SPEAKER_00: I have nothing going on today.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why Heather Graham came to me for this.
49:48
SPEAKER_00: But thank you.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: Is this on OnlyFans or all right?
49:54
SPEAKER_02: So I think we came to our conclusion, right?
49:58
SPEAKER_02: No, wait a second.
49:59
SPEAKER_02: This is round three.
50:00
SPEAKER_02: No.
50:01
SPEAKER_05: Like take it away.
50:03
SPEAKER_00: Dude, I'm the one who's drunk.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: Very high.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:07
SPEAKER_00: And she's been over here nursing her lemonade.
50:10
SPEAKER_05: Hey, you know I'm a lightweight.
50:11
SPEAKER_05: We discussed this last time.
50:13
SPEAKER_00: Show us the glass.
50:16
SPEAKER_05: Fine.
50:16
SPEAKER_05: Here, here.
50:17
SPEAKER_05: Even better.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:18
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
50:19
SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, chug, chug, chug, chugga, chug.
50:23
SPEAKER_00: All right, that'll set in in time for the after party.
50:27
SPEAKER_02: And uh, so do you like that combo?
50:30
SPEAKER_02: Do we like Mike Myers and Mike Myers again?
50:32
SPEAKER_02: I think this is a different situation.
50:34
SPEAKER_02: This is a tough one.
50:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, Lynn, tell us what happens.
50:38
SPEAKER_05: Uh I think that Beetlejuice is able to pull enough undead cats out of the hat.
50:45
SPEAKER_05: Oh, okay.
50:46
SPEAKER_05: Well, then my entire country idea for Austin Powers is out too.
50:50
SPEAKER_05: One friend.
50:53
SPEAKER_05: I still think that it'd be the sandworm, because that thing could just function.
50:57
SPEAKER_05: Just pull on eating through the dimensions.
51:01
SPEAKER_00: But if Dune taught us anything when the sandworm comes up, if you sidestep it and use your hooks, you can ride that bitch.
51:08
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
51:12
SPEAKER_05: The sandworm gets ridden in the original Beetlejuice.
51:14
SPEAKER_05: Barbara rides him in.
51:16
SPEAKER_01: He does, yeah.
51:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's true.
51:17
SPEAKER_00: But he's just there trying to pass on his legacy.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to kill anybody.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: I I did that already with the extra.
51:28
SPEAKER_05: Is that real like time warp issue when you get the sandworm involved?
51:32
SPEAKER_05: Or if you go to the sandworm's plane, I suppose.
51:35
SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
51:36
SPEAKER_02: Wonder.
51:38
unknown: Okay.
51:39
SPEAKER_02: Beetlejuice might be able to pull people to his plane.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: No, he only pulled other ghosts to that plane.
51:44
SPEAKER_02: He didn't pull any people.
51:46
SPEAKER_00: I have a pot uh a possibility here.
51:50
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
51:50
SPEAKER_00: And it's coming to me out of like some weird, I don't know.
51:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know where the tequila is telling me that Betelgeuse is bringing the sandworm.
52:01
SPEAKER_00: Austin Powers, you know, because he's dealing with this, you know, late 80s sort of thing going on.
52:09
SPEAKER_00: I think his father?
52:11
SPEAKER_00: No.
52:12
SPEAKER_02: I think that's the other sandworm.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh, would that go to Well, okay, so this is a crazy one.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: But I think that Austin Powers is gonna bring Dr.
52:20
SPEAKER_00: Frankenfurter.
52:23
SPEAKER_00: Because of the time traveling?
52:25
SPEAKER_00: Because of the time, because I mean it's a time warp.
52:27
SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
52:28
SPEAKER_00: And I and then you're gonna have Michael Myers as Austin Powers.
52:33
SPEAKER_02: Are you trying to out weird Beetlejuice?
52:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
52:38
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
52:41
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
52:42
SPEAKER_00: I think we're gonna have Dr.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: Dr.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: Frankenfurter from uh fucking uh Rocky Horror Picture Show.
52:47
SPEAKER_00: Well, he's gonna show up.
52:49
SPEAKER_05: How does that mash up?
52:51
SPEAKER_05: Like time warp's one thing, different universe is different.
52:53
SPEAKER_00: Well, because I because I feel that if we're delving into this world, I feel that Dr.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: Frankenfurter is the Austin Powers of the Beetlejuice theme.
53:05
SPEAKER_00: And I I think that disagree.
53:09
SPEAKER_00: It's a wild one.
53:10
SPEAKER_02: Thumbs down on this entry.
53:12
SPEAKER_00: Alright.
53:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, then in that case, I mean I think we're gonna have two Austins or Austin Powers and Dr.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: Evil.
53:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna say Austin Powers.
53:21
SPEAKER_02: You think Austin Powers and Dr.
53:22
SPEAKER_02: Evil, huh?
53:23
SPEAKER_00: Because I mean eventually they're brothers, baby.
53:25
SPEAKER_00: He's not heavy.
53:25
SPEAKER_02: That's my brother, baby.
53:27
SPEAKER_02: I'm bringing I you know who I think?
53:29
SPEAKER_02: I think that Austin Powers, uh, with Beetlejuice as an enemy would bring mini me.
53:35
SPEAKER_02: Because I mean he's he's not possesssible.
53:39
SPEAKER_02: He's not possesssible.
53:41
SPEAKER_02: That's the thing is mini me isn't possesssible.
53:43
SPEAKER_02: He's he's absolutely resistant.
53:45
SPEAKER_02: He totally does whatever he wants.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: And he'll definitely dig his way out of any sandworm with a knife.
53:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and he's good at pretending to be manipulated to people who are overconfident in their abilities.
53:57
SPEAKER_02: He's done that to multiple people in the movies.
54:01
SPEAKER_02: And I think that that would be a good person to bring against um Beetlejuice because he'd get close.
54:06
SPEAKER_02: Betelgeuse would let him in because he doesn't find him threatening, and he's great at pretending to be manipulated.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: The last thing I would send forward is that I mean, as I think it's obvious that Beetlejuice is bringing the sandworm or Winona Ryder.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: I think he brings Winona Ryder, and he uses Winona Ryder to manipulate Austin Powers.
54:30
SPEAKER_00: But if that's the case, I see Austin bringing Heather Graham first time you see her in Austin Powers 2.
54:38
SPEAKER_02: Where she is hyper-effective.
54:39
SPEAKER_00: Where she is hyper-effective.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: I I don't think Beetlejuice would be able to stand up to Heather Graham in the beginning of Austin Powers 2.
54:48
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't deal with any shit.
54:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, none at all.
54:50
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, How'd you get into that, you know, that outfit there?
54:54
SPEAKER_00: And she says, You gotta start by buying me a drink, and I think that would be the end of Beetlejuice.
54:58
SPEAKER_02: Whoa, whoa, I don't know what to do now.
55:01
SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
55:02
SPEAKER_02: Wait a second, this is my theme.
55:05
SPEAKER_00: There's not supposed to be Heather Graham here.
55:08
SPEAKER_00: Um I think Heather Graham might send it towards Austin's way.
55:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, well, Lynn, uh, what do you think?
55:13
SPEAKER_00: What happens?
55:14
SPEAKER_00: What's your thought?
55:15
SPEAKER_00: Final thought.
55:16
SPEAKER_05: Ah, final thought.
55:18
SPEAKER_05: I think we're I'm gonna stick basically with what I thought before was just Bealjuice has sandworm, he's gonna go after Austin Powers.
55:25
SPEAKER_05: If Austin Powers has a double Austin Powers, um, powers squared, if you will, then uh I don't honestly know how that changes much.
55:36
SPEAKER_02: He can't really judo chop a sandworm.
55:39
SPEAKER_00: But he doesn't need to judo chop a sandworm.
55:40
SPEAKER_00: He's gonna b he will have an anti-sandworm fucking device.
55:46
SPEAKER_02: But he those often fail in Austin Powers.
55:49
SPEAKER_00: But then he eats the the clone Austin.
55:53
SPEAKER_02: He eats the clone.
55:54
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's true.
55:55
SPEAKER_02: He'll eat the clone Austin.
55:56
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that's such a great point.
55:59
SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that's totally what would happen.
56:01
SPEAKER_02: Is he eating the clone Austin?
56:03
SPEAKER_02: Austin Powers would be like And then Judah Chubbs be clone to that happen?
56:10
SPEAKER_00: Is he okay?
56:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh shit.
56:14
SPEAKER_00: Oh well so so when you're you're says Beetlejuice.
56:17
SPEAKER_00: Beetlejuice?
56:18
SPEAKER_05: Beetlejuice, and honestly, with him already being dead, I mean he can just do whatever he wants.
56:22
SPEAKER_05: If he ends up on a different plane, he just comes back.
56:24
SPEAKER_05: He can teleport, he can do a press and stuff.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: If that happens, Austin takes it.
56:30
SPEAKER_00: Beetlejuice comes back, but Austin takes it.
56:33
SPEAKER_00: Well, good luck.
56:34
SPEAKER_00: He's been incapacitated.
56:36
SPEAKER_05: Just just just good luck, Austin.
56:38
unknown: Have fun with that.
56:41
SPEAKER_02: I'm kind of torn.
56:43
SPEAKER_02: I am too.
56:44
SPEAKER_02: So maybe this is a draw.
56:46
SPEAKER_02: We got one versus one-one one.
56:49
SPEAKER_02: Lynn, what do you think about a draw?
56:52
SPEAKER_05: Given how like the first couple fights, it was definitely pretty close.
56:55
SPEAKER_05: Uh, with this one having the assistance on both sides, uh yeah, I think it would be a very close, like just a bit of luck on one person's or the other.
57:06
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, I'd go with the ball.
57:07
SPEAKER_00: Like it'd be one of those things where you like they fight a hundred times, you know, and they both kept pulling it out at different times.
57:13
SPEAKER_00: I They're so unpredictable.
57:14
SPEAKER_02: They are they're both very unpredictable because their writers left their writers wrote comedy first and plot second.
57:23
SPEAKER_00: I will say Austin got three movies.
57:27
SPEAKER_02: Austin is more successful.
57:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I think that possibly is the final nail in Beetlejuice's coffin.
57:36
SPEAKER_02: Is that Austin?
57:37
SPEAKER_05: Beetlejuice.
57:38
SPEAKER_05: Beetlejuice is more of the cult classic.
57:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but he heard the case.
57:42
SPEAKER_02: But Austin is just the classic.
57:45
SPEAKER_02: Beetlejuice as a character doesn't win.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: Fuck, man.
57:51
SPEAKER_00: Dude, this is this is a really hard fight.
57:55
SPEAKER_02: It's a shame that Beetlejuice as a character just doesn't win his movie.
58:00
SPEAKER_02: Well, all right.
58:01
SPEAKER_00: Well, so Lynn, your vote's Beetlejuice.
58:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
58:04
SPEAKER_00: My vote for round three is a draw.
58:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna say Austin.
58:07
SPEAKER_02: So I guess that makes it a draw.
58:09
SPEAKER_00: A draw.
58:10
SPEAKER_00: All right, so how do we decide who gets it?
58:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, that means Austin won one, Betelgeuse won two, and they draw it out in round three.
58:19
SPEAKER_00: Lightning round?
58:20
SPEAKER_00: Do we have to come with some kind of lightning round?
58:22
SPEAKER_00: Fuck when we do a lightning round.
58:23
SPEAKER_02: I what?
58:25
SPEAKER_02: Um lightning round, they get to bring as many friends as they'd like, but then Austin would win.
58:33
SPEAKER_02: Because he'd have all of Britain.
58:34
SPEAKER_02: I like Lynn's idea.
58:37
SPEAKER_02: They would they would pasty Beetlejuice to death.
58:41
SPEAKER_05: But then couldn't Beetlejuice also just like call upon an army of dead, basically.
58:45
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
58:45
SPEAKER_02: Did he did he raise a bunch of zombies that worked for him or anything?
58:50
SPEAKER_02: Shit.
58:50
SPEAKER_02: He had contacts.
58:52
SPEAKER_02: He also had to wait in that in that bureaucratic line in the in the in the dead world.
58:59
SPEAKER_02: He didn't get like a front spot.
59:01
SPEAKER_00: That is true.
59:02
SPEAKER_00: That kind of does say something about his status down below.
59:05
SPEAKER_02: I he actually got a super long number.
59:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm willing to say that it's a draw and three people fight in the final.
59:16
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
59:16
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
59:17
SPEAKER_02: We'll have a three-way in the final.
59:18
SPEAKER_00: All right.
59:18
SPEAKER_00: First time.
59:19
SPEAKER_05: I mean, three-ways are always the way the final should go.
59:23
SPEAKER_00: Always finish with a three-way.
59:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
59:25
SPEAKER_00: Always end your night with a three-way.
59:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, cool.
59:29
SPEAKER_00: I like it.
59:30
SPEAKER_00: That works.
59:31
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
59:31
SPEAKER_00: All right, it's good.
59:32
SPEAKER_00: So we figured it out.
59:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, this episode, it was a draw.
59:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, Beetlejuice and Austin Powers tied, which means both of them are rolling into the high and dry tournament final.
59:42
SPEAKER_00: Um, so that being said, hey, Lynn, thank you so much for coming on a semifinal round.
59:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, if you want to hang out for a little bit, we're about to do an after party and you could be a part of that.
59:52
SPEAKER_05: Sounds great.
59:53
SPEAKER_05: Thanks for having me on.
59:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, where where can we find you?
59:57
SPEAKER_05: All right, so you can find me anywhere as Lynn Lustig.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_05: Uh so my books are on Amazon and pretty much every e retailer.
1:00:03
SPEAKER_05: I'm at Lynn underscore lustig on most of my social media.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_05: I'm all over the place and happy to say hi.
1:00:09
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
1:00:10
SPEAKER_00: All right, and uh, James, I mean, just go to our link tree on Instagram.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, go to our link tree.
1:00:15
SPEAKER_02: Our Instagram is high and dry podcast.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_02: That's high in within the it's just letter in.
1:00:20
SPEAKER_02: Hi letter in dry podcast.
1:00:24
SPEAKER_02: And there we have a link tree with all of them.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, please do that.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do that instead.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna try to include this, include the link tree in the description too.
1:00:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we'll figure it out.
1:00:33
SPEAKER_00: Uh so this is high and dry, everybody.
1:00:34
SPEAKER_00: Lynn, thanks again.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_00: We'll see you at the after party.
1:00:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, bye.
1:00:38
SPEAKER_00: Bye.